ilya âmy husband said noâ rozanov and shane âcan my husband comeâ hollander really are the codependency couple of all time
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@milotrash2
ilya âmy husband said noâ rozanov and shane âcan my husband comeâ hollander really are the codependency couple of all time
and trust when that picture drops of them both in their cens jerseys iâm going to implode
I think this ship (spaceship) is really funny
rocky always yells âenrichment for grace! enrichment for grace!â when he has a new invention to make the humans time more interesting on erid. grace, while appreciative, replies âI know Iâm in a zoo enclosure but could we maybe not call it that? I feel like a bear getting thrown a pumpkin covered in peanut butter.â rocky simply gives him a thumb, not wanting to explain that a significant amount of the population sees grace as the celebrity savior scientist who rocky keeps as a controversially young trophy wife and publicly lavishes in gifts
Grace, explaining how humans evolved: yeah so basically we evolved to be persistance predators where we would just slowly walk towards our prey and track it until it got so tired it couldn't fight back or run away and then we killed it :)
Rocky, who is an Eridian, an AMBUSH predator, who can't see light and so cannot track things the way humans can, and that doesn't have a lot of stamina and literally won't be able to wake up once they fall asleep: grace what the fuck statement--
Ryland grace and his clothing which almost always features a red line esp when heâs on earth
And he always has his red watch and red lined converse !
Fated for the petrova like since the beginning
okay but ilya back in boston after the cottage who has already started learning allergy friendly cooking and done experiments on his own because he wants to NAIL IT the next time he sees shane, to the end result one day that he's at a party and overhears a convo at a table of WAGs where one is complaining about doing an elimination diet to try and pinpoint allergens and she wants a good cake option because it sucks for kiddo to be doing this during their birthday but they REALLY need to get to the bottom of this-
and ilya wanders over and joins the conversation and starts?? recommending?? blogs??? "nut free natalie has really good plain vanilla. it does go kind of flat, though, i think because of sea level? but if you add 1/2 tsp more baking soda and-"
and the WAGs are all??? since when??? does roz know this??? and word gets around because he is a good captain and checks in on the family and ends up chit chatting about allergies and making suggestions based on what he's been researching since he's had a few months of this now and everyone is??? d-does roz?? have allergies? no?? they've SEEN HIM eating this stuff???
and then he moves to ottawa and someone has a (wildly incorrect lmao) lightbulb moment of "oh my GOD!!! ROZANOV HAS A KID WITH ALLERGIES!" they know about montreal jane and figured he was moving up to ottawa to be closer to her anyway, and a kid being in the picture (especially a kid who might have medical needs a la food allergies) would absolutely make sense for him suddenly moving up there after years. and some of the team is a little hurt he wouldn't say anything, but he does get some ruthless press and jane seems really private so maybe?? it's her request???
and naturally gossip flows a little to the point that it makes it to the ottawa team, and i mean? yeah? makes sense? roz is so rigorous about allergies and keeping his place allergy free? maybe the kid and jane come on the weekends or something?? or maybe it's like a week on week off situation??
and eventually shane is down in boston playing and a member of montreal is friends with someone on boston, so the gossip gets passed along that roz left boston to move up to ottawa to be with jane and their kid. and NATURALLY this becomes THE topic in the locker room that evening afterwards. and shane coming back from press hears this and is??? what?? the fuck are you talking about???
"yeah, it's what smythe on the boston team said. apparently roz moved up because their kid is sick or something?? no one's sure."
shane that night texts ilya, "apparently?? we have a kid together??"
and gets, "??? damn, hollander. you should have told me. I would have paid child support."
I know in my heart that a lifelong race between ilya and shane is being the first one to get to his key to unlock the front door
and the competition is FIERCE and FILTHY with the amount of cheating they do
ilya was already so endeared by drunk!shane on the rooftop in vegas when they barely knew each other and were on shaky territory
i know that man is HOPELESSLY fond of drunk!shane after they're together
he loves ALL versions of shane but tipsy af and SO grumpily denying it shane absolutely makes him near-giddy with affection
shane having multiple allergies but being able to eat things like dairy, potatoes, wheat, cabbage, carrots, fish, and beets just fine does make me laugh imagine ilya making SO many jokes about how shane was MEANT to marry a russian because so much russian food is safe for him
"who else would know how to cook you these things, hm?"
dryly: "literally anyone with internet access?"
"just me, correct đ"
experiencing extreme emotions about older, married ilya thinking about his first meeting with shane when he didn't even know he'd met the love of his life
this boy who hadn't had anything that felt like a home since his mother died didn't even know he'd just met the boy he'd essentially grow up with and one day create a new home with
he met the rest of his life in that parking lot aND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW
Very funny to imagine that Scott was a role model for Shane not in playing good, consistent hockey but in being a hockey player and captain who wasnât married with kids by age 22. Shane is looking at him and going, "see, it's perfectly normal to not be interested in women right now or ever spotted with one, to be focused on The Game only, it doesn't make me gay and no one thinks I'm gay and everything is fine."
I am a hung Shane Hollander truther. I donât care what that ranking list says, itâs obviously wrong.
It makes Ilya absolutely feral that the only purpose of his big husbandâs dick is to lay there and look pretty while Ilya fucks him.
aftercareeee my fave! iâm partial to shane crying on it so ilya is holding him close letting him get his overwhelmed tears out, swiping a wash cloth under his eyes so very gently. theyâre bickering through fuckdrunk giggles over who has to get up to retrieve said wash cloth but both end up going bc they donât want to sacrifice physical contact yet
Baby baby baby yes. Ilya is sat up against the headboard, leant back against a mess of pillows and Shane is in his lap, lotus style with his legs around Ilya. Shane is slumped into Ilyaâs warmth, his head laying on Ilyaâs chest, and Ilyaâs hand is cupped under Shaneâs jaw, holding gently, thumb rubbing at sweat slick skin. Ilyaâs other hand is holding Shaneâs, tucked against Shaneâs stomach, by his warm hip and Shane is playing with Ilyaâs fingers.
Ilya cooes whenever tears slip down form Shaneâs lashes to his fingers on his jaw, soothes the back of his knuckles up to wipe them away. Kissing at the top of Shaneâs head, nuzzling his nose through his dark hair. Ilya is muttering to Shane mostly in Russian about how good he did and how good he made Ilya feel and his love, his baby, voice low, more like a warm rumble for Shane than the actual words. After a while Shane starts to get a little squirmy and then heâs turning his face into Ilyaâs chest more, rubbing his face into his skin and leaving some wet tear smudges, whispering âthank youâ and itâs gonna make Ilyaâs heart explode probably.
And Ilya is all âsweetheart you have to stop these tears, or let me get up to her a cloth to clean your face hm?â Ilya whispers, his whole hand cupping Shaneâs flushed wet face, cradling his head to his chest.
âthink you should stay hereâ Shane just huffs and Ilyas laughs, warm and low and tugs Shaneâs earlobe. âAh yes, I can tellâ he teases, hand smooths down Shaneâs back as if to say, yes I can feel you making sure I donât leave. Then his fingers Shaneâs ass and his soft wet hole stretched around Ilya still and then Ilya is petting there and Shane is wriggling in his lap, thighs jolting. Fresh tears spring into Ilyaâs chest and he croons down at Shane âso good hereâ and Shane is half squirming into and away from the touch, too much too good, perfect.
âIlyaâ Shane complains and Ilya is like âI know Iâm meant to be getting a cloth to clean you but you wonât let meâ he nips at Shaneâs ear as he says it and Shane huffs. They fuss and fool around and argue about getting a cloth until Ilya just stands, Shane still cradled to him, so they donât have to part.
Ilya loves calling Shane nonsensical nicknames, but he knows Shane is uncomfortable with him using them out in public, even after they're out, so he abstains from it mostly. But he still wants to so badly, wants everyone to know how much he loves Shane, that they belong to each other.
There's one name though, one that Ilya pulls out when he wants Shane's attention, when he feels fond but knows Shane is in that mood that won't let Ilya be gentle with him. Shanya.
It's the closest thing to a Russian diminutive Ilya has come up with, and when he realizes it's one of the only names he can get away with on public, boy does he take advantage of it.
The Centaurs notice. Of course they do. They notice how Shane's jaw clenches when they call him "Holly" or "Holzy". They notice, and some guess, just how many comments, how many "jokes" the Metros had to make to get Shane to react like that to what should be an affectionate nickname.
And so, when Ilya starts calling him Shanya in practice, and Shane gets this not-quite smile in his face, the rest of the team catches on quickly.
Surprisingly, its Luca who tries it first, the vowels clear and precise just like Ilya does it. Teasing, but fond with it. Shane starts a little, and they all hold their breaths, subtly waiting for the downturn of Shane's mouth, the tightening of his shoulders. And then Shane rolls his eyes upwards, that half smile that talks of fond exasperation, and everyone sighs in relief. It's fair game after that.
"Damn Shanya, what a fucking shot!"
"Shanya, how the hell did you manage that?"
"There anymore water, Shanya?"
"You okay, Shanya?"
Idk something about Shane's nickname changing from what the Metros called him, to a name given to him by his husband, a name used by the team that loves him, given by the man that most loves him.
i am convinced that ilya is into doing old people shit with shane, especially after theyâre out.
thereâs a tulip festival in ottawa that shane has never even heard of despite living there for a major part of his life, and ilyaâs like âplease letâs go to the tulip festivalâ and shaneâs like ???????? why???? tulips?????? wtf?? but of course he goes and he Doesnât Get It but ilyaâs having fun, heâs full on turning his megawatt super smile on shane and taking a million photos of shane among the many colourful tulips and holding his hand and kissing his cheek and talking to random old ladies who tell them (well, mostly ilya because shane doesn't compute information about flowers) about tulips and stuff, and shane stands next to him and holds his hand while ilya animatedly talks and gestures with their hands linked and shane watches him, so enamoured, so besotted, because this isnât about tulips, itâs just spending time together somewhere outside of hockey, where they're not shane hollander and ilya rozanov but just two guys among people, and shane is happy to continue standing next to his husband and nearly letting him smack Shane's own hand in his face from waving their joined hands around so much.
đ a dark scary alley in Mtl