Nickname: unfortunately my name in my native language can be turned into SO many annoying nicknames but I have none atm. My favorite though is the one my bf gave me in highschool, Saruman
Sign: capricorn
Height: 1m64
Last googled: which country goes on strike the most
Song stuck in my head: none atm
No. of followers: 1032
Amount of sleep: 5-6 hours on average, 8-9 on the good nights
Lucky number: ??
Dream job: those clever sexy librarians/teachers/archeologists in movies
Wearing: Christmas jumper and grey sweatpants
Movies/Books that summarize you: La chamade (1968)
Favorite song: let’s say Hello Earth by Kate Bush and Blinding by Florence and the Machine
Favorite instrument: piano
Aesthetic: dark academia and cottage core
Favorite author: Virginia Woolf
Random fun fact: I never broke any bone
Tagging @stayevildarling (please tell Aleisha I can’t tag her for some reason but I want to tag her she should do this) @max-the-d0g @stepintomyworld @grilledcheeseandguavajelly @cordeliass @lovelypeasantjellyfish @rabexxpaulson
A/N: I just woke up from a nap and had a dream about Bette Porter. This reminded me so much of Billie so here we are. Hope everyone is doing well🖤
Prompt: You are working as Billie‘s assistant and you are utterly in love with her. Thinking you are quite subtle about it, you quickly realize how wrong you are as Billie can sense a lot more than just ghosts.
TW: flirting, slightly smutty
word count: 1.7k
Tag list: (if you wanna be added or taken off, send me a dm or an ask)
„Is there anything else I can get for you Ms Howard?“ you ask, wrapping your hands around the little folder you carry with you at all times.
Your boss hesitates and you could tell there was something on her mind. You had worked with the medium for quite a while now and despite always trying your best to stay professional, you could tell there was something wrong.
The medium flutters her fingers, touching her fingernails and you could tell by now this meant she was nervous about something.
„I..“ The blonde hesitates and you notice she starts to shake a little bit.
„I don‘t think this is working anymore, you can‘t work for me any longer“ she almost mumbles, the regret and shame visible in her voice and features.
Your world stops turning for a minute. It feels like your breath is knocked from your lungs and your feet swepped away from you.
In the past few months working for Ms Howard, you never thought this job could become something more than that for you. It surely wasn‘t your dream career to be working as an assitant but somewhere along the lines it was all you wanted and needed.
It started off well, learning her coffee and lunch orders and little errands that Ms Howard required during her day. It wasn‘t necessarily part of the job description but you liked running errands for her and making her day a little better each day.
Her words take you back to the first day you saw her, unlike everyone you weren‘t obsessed with Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars. You had heard about her of course and you watched bits of her show but you never thought you could like her this much.
However, meeting her for the first time completely took your breath away. Your hands were shaking throughout the whole interview because her appearance was breathtaking. Her blonde curls, her perfectly manicured fingernails to her perfect carefully picked outfits. Everything had to match, whether it was a set of pearls on her neck or her perfume. She was quite literally breathtaking.
Of course you had to remind yourself of your part in this, that you aren‘t supposed to be liking her or looking at her this way but you couldn‘t stop yourself. Especially with the little nicknames and petnames that sometimes slipped from her lips. „Thank you darling“ after bringing her her morning coffee and breakfast order.
The two of you grew closer in the months leading up to this, using the summers to stay longer in the office or going to drinks together, of course with more people from the office or using the colder months to go on walks to watch the sunset and so Billie could clear her head, this often helped her to rewind from her days or give her new ideas for her shows.
At some point you earned the mediums trust, maybe it was the way you always quite knew what she needed or that the emails, letters or whatever needed doing was finished each morning before she came into work. When a day at a set didn‘t go quite well, a spirit spooking her a little bit, she wanted to run to you. She wanted to see your calm little face and she liked being in your presence because she felt like you cared and that made Billie feel safe.
Safety isn‘t a feeling Billie would use to describe her life before meeting you, in her childhood she didn‘t necessarily feel safe most of the times and certainly not in her younger years when she suddenly saw bloody ghosts in her bathroom. Figuring out she was a medium and learning how to use her powers helped of course but she never felt quite safe, not knowing when she would have the next scary encounter.
Despite the blonde seeming tough on the outside, it didn‘t quite not affect her like everyone thought. She did spend some of her nights alone crying, finally being able to let her guard down without everyone watching her. Most people didn‘t see her as that but Billie also felt anxious, she didn‘t always like walking into a building, despite knowing there is a camera following her. She did get scared, shaky and sweaty hands and the ocassional heartbeat rising.
„I‘m so sorry Ms Howard, did I do something wrong?“ you ask a little shocked. Your mind automatically runs to a million things you might have done wrong.
„You really don‘t need to call me Ms Howard“ she almost whispers, the guilt causing her perfect features to crease.
Her office fills with silence, everyone already having left for the night and you aren‘t sure what you are meant to do. Should you just leave and accept her decision or should you try and fight for your job and being able to stay in her presence?
„I‘m sorry Ms- Billie“ you reply, feeling a little shy to use her actual name.
„You haven‘t done anything wrong darling“ she replies to your inital question.
Her guilty eyes meet yours after a second and you can‘t help but stare into her brown eyes.
„Then what is it?“ you ask a little hesitantly, as part of you feels like you deserve an explanation.
It takes the blonde a while to reply, you can visibly tell she is struggling to speak the words that are so clearly on her mind.
„It‘s the way you look at me“ she states eventually and the confusion is written in your face.
„I‘m sorry, I don‘t understand“ you explain.
Billie‘s hands start shaking again so she tries to cover it up by playing with her rings.
„You look at me like you are in love with me“ she finally lets the words escape her.
In the past few months you hadn‘t noticed but Billie noticed that your eyes started sparkling whenever you were near her. It looked as if Billie was your whole world, like her presence made your whole day better and as if you would change your whole world for her.
The blonde never knew that feeling as she never found the right person that wasn‘t just after her fame, money and status or wanted nothing more than to spend a night with her. However from her friends and various romantic movies she watched, she knew what it looked like when someone was in love.
She couldn‘t stand the fact that someone truly loved her but at the same time she knew you and she knew that you didn‘t just want those things from her. You liked her for the way she is but that terrified her, so she is trying to do the only thing she has learned her whole life to avoid these feelings.
„Believe me I have had a fair share of assistants that wanted me to do them right on this desk but none of them looked at me the way you look at me“ she explains.
You gasp a little bit, thoughts instantly filling with your head, even though you try to ignore those. Part of you wants to run away and part of you isn‘t sure whether you should stay.
„I‘m sorry.. I..“ you can‘t even form a reply worthy of what she just said. You know she is right and that you have feelings for her and of course you know it‘s inappropriate as she is your boss.
„So is it true?“ Billie asks, catching a glimpse of your eyes before taking a step towards you.
Your breaths gets caught in your throat and you start feeling a little dizzy as you see her beautiful brown eyes lingering on yours.
The blonde is scared, she is terrified of the idea of someone loving her like this, truly and unconditionally, without any intentions other than honest ones. But there is something about the way you still look at her that she can‘t quite comprehend.
Even of the possibility of being sent away and Billie calling out your feelings, you still have that sparkle in your eyes, mixed with a little bit of fear. It‘s as if she could hear your heart beating out of your chest.
„I do“ you whisper as she keeps taking steps towards you, taking all your bravery together. If you had to decide between losing your job or losing the medium forever, of course you would choose Billie, you would choose her in every life time and every universe.
Despite only blinking for a second, while taking a deep breath, it feels like an eternity and when you open your eyes again you suddenly see Billie‘s warm eyes right in front of you and feel her warm breath on your face.
„Kiss me, darling“ Billie whispers before pulling you in. When your soft lips touch hers it feels like your world is complete. If you were to die in this moment it was all worth if, just for her and for this kiss.
The blonde smiles a little into the kiss as your hearts now beat loudly against each others chests. She could tell this was a hungry kiss but it was also really gentle. She could tell you would never want to hurt her and only the best. Despite her being your world you want to give her everything and she can feel it by the way your lips touch hers.
As you stop kissing to gasp for air, you lean your head into Billie‘s neck and she wraps her arms around you. „I never said I didn‘t want to be done on your desk though“ you whisper.
The medium gasps and smiles in surprise at the same time and gently her hands wander down to your hips, her lips finding yours again and gently moving you over to the table, when your back hits her desk gently. She lifts you up and leans down you, trailing your face and neck with kisses.
„What would you like babydoll?“ she whispers, while still kissing you.
„I wanna be yours Ms Howard“ you whisper and smile cheekily and all you can hear in return is a pleased chuckle from the blonde, still lingering over your body.
I think that it is a more environmentally conscious and ethical food choice but for me personally it's not something I'm able to adopt while balancing ever else in my life. Me biggest thought though is that everyone should be free to make their own choices without judgement
7: favourite animal at the aquarium?
Growing up it was always the dolphins but now I've become very partial to turtles
10: on a plane do you ask for apple or orange juice?
I usually only drink water on a plane but I prefer apple to orange juice
18: Boba/tea order?
Depends on the weather. When it's warm my favourite is mango tea with lychee boba. In cooler weather I get milk tea with pearls
the og post got long so i just took a ss 😅 thank u for tagging me @widowbitessting 🥰
1) Ivy by Taylor Swift (also basically all her other songs)
2) Hide by Rainbow Kitten Surprise
3) Silence by Mike Posner
4) You Tore Out My Heart (and Take a Swing) by Tiny Little Houses
5) Please Don’t Love Someone by Hollie Col
@danveration @wandasdolly @mcu-nat @p0orbaby @natashasvixen @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece and so so many more (love seeing u guys in my notes you’re the best 😚😚) also i wish i could tag my nonnies cause i wanna know your guys’ fave songs 🥺
Cordelia Goode x Billie Dean Howard x Reader- Angels like you
A/N: This is a bit of a sad one. But I got inspired by the song „Angels like you“ from Miley Cyrus. I hope everyone is doing well on here 🖤
Warnings: sad, angst, fluff
Prompt: Reader is basically a sad insecure bean and feels like she isn‘t good enough for her two perfect, gorgeous and stable girlfriends Billie and Cordelia
Taglist: (if you wanna be added or taken off, send me a dm or an ask):
That morning when Cordelia woke up, she instantly felt something wasn‘t right. She didn‘t feel the same content feeling of safety when she woke, her body realizing before she even opened her brown eyes. She quickly noticed Billie, still sleeping, her blonde curls spread around her pillow and little sleeping noises escaping her mouth.
The middle spot however was empty. For years Cordelia and Billie had shared this bed together, being formally introduced when Billie filmed a piece of her show in New Orleans and the two of them couldn‘t stay away from each other, despite living different lives in different places. But they made it work, caring more about each other and the feeling they gave each other, whenever they were near the other one. There wasn‘t really any ups and downs either. The two of them mature enough to get through little bumps and let the past go. Despite this, when you walked into their perfect life, it felt like there suddenly had been something missing all along, you.
Suddenly the two of them liked sharing their bed, their room and eventually their hearts with you. You were perfect in every way. You adjusted them, making them both more calm, giving them a reason to smile a little more each day and being more grateful. They didn‘t care about the little age gap or the fact there was suddenly three of you. All they wanted was you and to them you were perfect.
It was hard to hide around them, especially supreme Cordelia that could so easily slip in and out of your mind and Billie somehow being able to read your heart so well too. You couldn‘t hide how much you adored both of these women and how you fell so hard for both of them. Billie captured your heart so quickly as she was one of the most kindhearted people you had ever met. A lot of people that only knew Billie from her show viewed her quite differently but you could tell. The same with Cordelia, you had never met a person that truly cared and loved so much, so raw and so passionately. You loved them both so much.
However, you didn‘t love yourself in that way, or any way for that matter. You had always struggled a little bit with yourself, getting by and giving your life some kind of purpose. But you often doubted yourself. Little things like the way you dressed, your weight, your hair. To the bigger things like whether you could ever be good enough for anyone, whether thats friendships, family or relationships. Maybe thats the reason why you never truly commited to anyone but with them you wanted to do better, you wanted to allow yourself to love them and for them to love you. But it wasn‘t easy. Two gorgeous, beautiful women loving you so much.
At the beginning you struggled, not letting them see and then for a while it was okay. They showed you how much they loved and cared about you but that didn‘t last forever unfortunately. You tried so hard to see how much they loved you and to accept their love but you felt like you hurt them, like your presence was such a burden for them, even if they could never see you that way.
„Billie?“ Cordelia asks gently and the blonde wakes softly, mumbling a faint „Hm?“. On the verge of falling back to sleep, Billie subconsciously noticed the slight bit of hesitation and anxiety in her partners voice. This wasn‘t usual for Cordelia and so in response she opens her eyes and turns to the blonde, noticing her babydoll isn‘t in the middle.
„Are you okay darling?“ Billie asks with a soft but still very sleepy smile. Cordelia simply nods, not wanting to show her concern and wanting to let the medium wake up gently. Billie looks around the room, noticing the sun just setting slowly through the curtains of their white bedroom. She notices one of the draws slightly open and the bathroom door as well. „Where is Y/N?“ she asks after a little, while snuggling into Cordelia. The supreme felt like the sun to Billie, whenever she held her, she felt warmth around her whole body, specifically in her heart, she could feel the safety and deep trust.
„I‘m not sure“ Cordelia hesitates, explaining that she woke up not that long ago and that you weren‘t there. After a while of snuggling into each other a bit longer, Cordelia smiles before kissing Billie‘s cheek and explaining „You get ready and I‘ll make some coffee and check on everyone“. Billie nods, even though she wishes she could stay in her lovers arms for a little while longer. The supreme grabs her robe before leaving the bedroom, doing her usual little round, checking if all the girls are doing alright in the academy but specifically wanting to see where you are.
„Good morning Miss Cordelia“ some of the girls greet her, as she walks towards the kitchen. After making some coffee, she feels this urge to check her office, after not being able to find you in any of the common rooms, the gardens or greenhouse. As she enters her office, it is also empty. She sees some documents still on her desk and the half empty cup of tea that you brought her last night when she was working late again and you reminded her that she needed to rest. By her computer, Cordelia finds a letter and she knew instantly, without having to look at the handwriting that this must be from you.
She sits down in the armchair in the corner of her office. Deep down Cordelia knew she should be reading it with Billie Dean. However something told her that she shouldn't. The supreme had noticed lately that things had been different. You were quiet and barely talked, withdrawing slowly but surely and despite her best efforts she thought she was losing you a little. But work and the academy had kept her busy so she didn't exactly see this coming. As she opens the letter, she can smell your perfume and instantly an image of you fills her vision, your bright beautiful smile and a wave of memories with you washes over her. From the time you first walked into the academy, her heart and also Billie's.
Dear Delia and Billie,
I am so sorry. For the longest time I have been thinking about writing this letter and how to explain but I still don't. I truly love you both so much and so deeply. I have never loved anyone the way I have loved you and I care so deeply. All I want is for the two of you to have the best, most beautiful life and all the happiness in this world. I want your show to get picked up for another couple of season's Billie and many Hollywood interviews. And Delia, I want the academy to never stop having motivated witches learning from the best, you. I want you both to be there for each other and walk through all the obstacles your lifes may bring together. I just want you both to be happy.
That's why I had to leave. I can't add or bring this happiness into your lifes, I feel like such a burden to the both of you and being in the way of your joy. Please don't try to find me or think about me too much, I'm everything they said I would be. It's neither of your fault that I ruin everything and it's not your fault I can't be what you need. You are both such beautiful angels and I'm so sorry for causing you pain and sorrow. I love you. Please forgive me. - Y/N
Tears stream down Cordelia's face. Feelings of pain, sadness and shock washing over her. ''She's gone'' she thinks after a few seconds. Without thinking, she runs up the stairs of the academy and into their bedroom. She finds Billie, looking at the empty draws and cupboards after finding all of your things gone but your phone still sitting on your nighttable. ''Y/N's gone'' Billie whispers and looks at Cordelia. The blonde simply nods and walks over slowly, tears streaming down her face still, while holding the letter to Billie with shaky hands.
The last few hours had been spent in their bedroom still, sadness washing over them first, tears spilling down their faces and the two of them comforting each other and catching every single one of them. Disbelief next, neither of them able to understand why you would leave and at last worry. They both feel scared, not knowing where you are, where you could have gone and the words you wrote deeply upsetting them both. ''I can't believe she thinks of herself like this, she could never be a burden''. Billie shakes her head in disbelief. Cordelia understood however, having felt this way in her teenage and younger years too. She sometimes even had a little feeling that you felt this way and she tried everything in her effort to prove you different and that were indeed all they wanted.
''Can we speak to her? we need to find her.'' Billie hesitates, while walking in circles around their bedroom. The supreme breathes shakily, knowing downstairs there is a house full of witches waiting for their morning classes and lessons taught by the supreme. Billie felt the same pressure, knowing she has a lot of meetings lined up for today. ''You can find her right? teleport to her? we have got some of her things still?''. Cordelia nods, knowing it is easy for her to do this, even if you tried to block her out or avoid this from happening but after all she was the most powerful witch.
However this turned out to be more complicated than both of the blondes had assumed. Cordelia tried teleporting to your location a few times but you could feel it so you blocked her from doing this, not wanting them to find you and keep wasting their time and efforts on you. The supreme feels immense stress and overwhelmed as she thought it was much easier to find you. Billie eventually realizes that they should both give you some time before trying to contact and find you again, so in response she holds Cordelia gently, reassuring and calming her down. ''I promise you darling, we will find her, we just need to give her some time'' Billie explains softly, despite feeling anxious herself.
Meanwhile, all day you had been walking around. From the moment you stepped outside of the academy, you had regretted the decision. You never wanted to leave them, you wanted nothing more than to share a life with them and be as happy as they had made you in these past couple of months. But you felt too much like a burden. It started with little things like them both taking you out and spending time with you. It felt like you were keeping them from spending time together or doing more important things, not understanding that all they wanted was you. You sometimes woke up in the middle of the night, feeling like your mere presence was causing them so much harm and pain. Not understanding that both Billie and Cordelia felt so much safer, happier and loved having you there with them and both of them snuggling into you.
The decision was painful but you couldn't keep fighting the voices in your head, you knew you had to set them free even if it caused you misery, wanting them to be happy, again not being able to see that you would only be keeping them from happiness and causing them sorrow this way. In response to all of this, you didn't think it through. You took time in the greenhouse the day before, writing the letter carefully and for the first time, truly admitting your feelings. You spent the whole of yesterday, looking at them a little bit closer, inspecting every single one of their perfect features. Cordelia's genuine smile when you all had dinner together and Billie's hair flips and arrogance that you adored so much. Their beautiful brown eyes that you got lost in every time. You had nowhere to go, you moved to New Orleans years ago and have no home to go back to, no job to find and no purpose.
It was late in the evening, the streets dark and cold and you hadn't stopped walking. At first you still recognized the familiar streets, walking past the markets that Delia often took you to on quiet Sunday mornings or the fancy restaurants and bars Billie often took you both to. Eventually nothing looked familiar. Your thoughts ran so loudly in your mind that you didn't notice your achy feet, your tummy that had been rumbling for some time and the slight dizziness from the lack of water or rest. By now, Cordelia and Billie are sat together in the greenhouse, after giving you some time and getting on with their days, despite just wanting their little sweetheart by the end of it all and wanting to talk this through with you.
''What if she doesn't want to talk to us? what if we can't find her?'' Billie asks, feeling anxious. Cordelia holds Billie's hand before explaining ''Look even if that turns out to be true darling, we should at least make sure she is okay and talk about that letter in person''. Billie agrees, despite feeling nervous and the supreme tries to find the best way to find you as quickly and safely as possible. ''Can't you just teleport to her?'' the medium asks after a while, being familiar with Cordelia's powers and usual spells. ''It might not be as easy as that, especially if she doesn't wish to be found'' the supreme explains, looking into one of her spell books as she has an idea.
''Here it is'' the blonde explains as her eyes scan the page, her fingers running over the words gently. ''This should give me an idea where she is and how she feels'' Cordelia explains before closing her eyes and whispering some words. Billie understands some of them but her mind is racing too much to concentrate properly. Before Cordelia knows it, she opens her eyes and sees the dark streets on the outskirts of what she assumes to still be New Orleans. She suddenly feels incredibly cold and dizzy, being able to feel and see through your vision right now, the spell allowing her to do this. She scans your surroundings, quickly being able to put the pieces together and with one blink she finds herself back in the greenhouse, finding a worried Billie holding her very cold hands and looking at her full of concern.
''What happened?'' Billie asks. It takes Cordelia a second to get the words out. ''She's been walking since she left last night, she's cold and dizzy and I don't think she knows where she is going''. It takes them both less than a second, no words needing to be exchanged as they thought exactly the same thing. They didn't care about your letter now, the words or what had happened. They only wanted to get you home, keep you safe and take care of you. ''Bring her home please'' Billie begs, her chin quivering, only being able to imagine what you had been through in the past couple of hours. The supreme doesn't hesitate and immediately teleports to you, knowing now that you won't be able to focus much or control your powers to shut her out and stop her from doing this.
''Y/N'' Cordelia gasps seeing you in your state. Your lips were almost purple from being so cold and your face so incredibly pale. You couldn't even comprehend what was happening and so you missed on what happened next. Cordelia cupped your cheeks, took your hand without hesitating any longer and teleporting you both back into the greenhouse of the academy. Billie instantly helps Cordelia keeping you stable and the both of them manage to take you back into the bedroom, putting you in some warm clothes and wrapping you in some blankets. Cordelia used her magic to make the room warmer and made sure to get you to drink some water and tea. Despite your body being awake, your mind wasn't and it didn't take long for you to fall asleep, recovering from the day that you have had, without even knowing yet that you ended up back in the academy, in the warmth of your bedroom and their embraces.
Neither of them left your side, neither in the middle of the night when your body didn't stop shivering or in the morning, both of them cancelling their teaching and meetings for the day, wanting to put their focus on you only. They took turns leaving, Billie needing her morning cigarette and coffee, Cordelia staying right by your side or Cordelia preparing some breakfast on a tray for you and Billie staying with you. They wanted to avoid that you woke up and they weren't there and at the same time they both felt a little scared that you would leave again. They didn't want to let you go, not now or ever.
''Sweetheart?''Cordelia asks very gently as she brings up the tray and sets it on a nighttable, sitting down at the edge of the bed next to you. Slowly you open your eyes, at first your vision is a little blurry but you can quickly tell you are in the surroundings of your home, the familiar smell of Billie and Cordelia closeby. As you see the both of them looking at you filled with concern and worry, you are confused to begin with but after Cordelia hands you some juice and you take some slow gentle sips, the previous night and day creeps back into your mind. Your vision lowers and you instantly feel ashamed and guilty for what happened. You figured out Cordelia must have found you and you remember bits of the conversation the two of them had last night, despite you being asleep but your subconciounes listening.
Again you felt like a big burden. They had to go out of their ways to find you, out of their ways to take care of you, probably abandoning their plans for today. You hated how much of a burden you were to them and the concern and worry on their faces only confirmed this. While Cordelia didn't usually do this, she slipped into your mind a few times, only wanting to know whether you still felt the same way and why you looked so guilty and sad despite being back with them. She felt anxious that you truly wanted to leave them but after finally understanding that it was never about them and only about you and the voices in your head bringing you down and convincing you of being the opposite of their usual happiness and sunshine, she knows just how to intervene and to fix this.
''You should eat something babydoll'' Billie ushers you, worrying about the lack of food and water the day before. You force a smile and take the tray from Cordelia, feeling a little awkward and not wanting to disappoint them further by not eating. You didn't want their efforts to go to waste, you didn't want to hurt them further or give them another reason to hate you and be upset with you. For a while the three of you just sit together and after you finish you hand the tray back to Cordelia. For a second your hands touch and the supreme feels just how could your hands are. ''Oh sweetheart you are freezing'' she gasps a little and Billie is quick to pass you another blanket.
All they both want to do is wrap you in their arms and in blankets, keeping you warm and cosy but they both hesitate a little, not wanting to overstep or overwhelm you in this situation. ''Do you feel up to talking sweetheart?'' Cordelia asks gently. You simply nod, despite being unsure what to say or how to even explain or begin to apolgogize for leaving them. You aren't sure what they are gonna say, you expect disappointment, anger even though they had never showed you that before. But you were angry and you were disappointed in yourself mostly. Billie begins gently by locking eyes with you. ''Babydoll.. I don't know what made you feel those things but I promise none of the things in your letter are true. We both love you so much and you make our lives so much better. You could never be a burden''.
Her words instantly bring tears to your eyes and Cordelia knows your walls are slowly about to break down. ''We just want you to know it is always your decision my love, but you don't cause any of those things you said, you cause us joy and happiness and we want you with us''. At this point you can't comprehend a reply and you simply start crying, tears spilling down your face and sobs escaping you without being able to control them. The two blondes lock eyes before they both take you into their arms. Cordelia gently lays you on her chest so you can listen to her steady heartbeat, knowing in the past this has helped to calm you down. While Billie holds you gently, wiping your tears and whispering words of affecting and reassurance. ''It's all okay babydoll, we have got you now. It's all okay''.
And indeed it all felt okay in this moment, the three of you knew this wasn't over yet. You knew that a much bigger and detailed conversation needed to follow and both Cordelia and Billie knew it took more than a tray of breakfast and some words of reassurance and them holding you to fix this. They knew it would take love and effort and patience to get you to see yourself for the angel you truly are and to see just how happy you make them and how you belong to them. But they are both willing to put in the work and effort, because to them you are perfect.
The rest of the day and night, you stay in their arms, the both of them taking turns at holding you. Helping you to control your breathing, wipe your tears and keep you warm. Also shushing every single word of regret, apologies for what you had done. ''It's okay sweetheart, we've got you'' they keep repeating. And in result of the safety you felt with them again, your walls slowly tumbling down, you allowed them to have you, knowing it will all be okay as long as you've got each other.
Quiz: Which Sarah Paulson would you get married to
A/N: yes I'm still alive. Please accept this fun little quiz as an apology for my absence. This one works a little differently than most so make sure to remember each answer. As always a massive thank you to my lieblingsmench @stayevildarling I had so much fun making this with you 😘
1. What does your ideal first date look like?
A: Go to the botanic gardens
B: Go to the museum
C: Go to a wine tasting
D: Go to a drive in movie
E: Go to a fancy restaurant
F: Go to a theatre
2. How do you like to be shown affection?
A: someone who buys you fancy gifts
B: someone who makes you smile
C: someone who gives you time and attention
D: someone who takes cares of you
E: someone who loves you unconditionally
F: someone who protects you
3. How do you show affection?
A: give your partner time and attention
B: take care of your partner
C: be patient with your partner
D: show your partner words of affection
E: be there for your partner in every way
F: show your partner your affection with gentle touch
4. What does your ideal sunday look like?
A: quiet morning at home together
B: cook together
C: binge watching your favorite show together
D: sitting on the balcony and have coffee
E: go plant shopping
F: go to bottomless brunch
5. How do you get proposed to?
A: on a balcony of a fancy private booked restaurant with a lot of flowers and decorations
B: with a poem, a very intimate moment between you two
C: no big gestures, just the two of you and the question asked
D: on a weekend away, by the beach
E: dinner at home and you find your ring in dessert
F: all the bells and whistles but it accidentally ends up in the emergency department
6. Their reaction to your first kiss
A: can‘t stop giggling
B: very appreciative 😉
C: can‘t stop blushing
D: very shy
E: gets very clingy afterwards
F: is very surprised
7. How soon do you move in with each other?
A: after a couple of weeks
B: at least six months before it‘s official but you have each others things at your places before
C: she feels like home immediately but you take things nice and slow before moving in
D: after the first weekend you end up staying together, you just never end up going back home
E: it takes a while for the first kiss but pretty much straight after that
F: practically you live with her right from the beginning but good luck getting her to admit that
8. Little things you like about them
A: the way she holds your hand protectively in public
B: the way she listens to you when you speak
C: the way she cares so deeply
D: the way she protects you so fiercly
E: the way she makes you laugh
F: the way she talks about you to others and how she shows you off
Prompt: You never really believed in true love or love at first sight, that's until she walked into your life, or rather your workplace. You never believed in any of the big romantic gestures or things as portrayed in books, television and social media, that's until you found her.
A/N: Hi there! It's been a while but I had this idea the other day while I was at work. Hope everyone is doing good. This fic and the title are inspired by the song ''Until I found you'' by Stephen Sanchez
Taglist: (if you wanna be added or taken off, send me a dm or an ask):
It was a typical morning in spring, the cold and dark from winter finally lifted, as well as people's mood as the sun and blooming of flowers and trees, reflected in their moods, the way they would great you or enter your workplace. Usually, people don't tend to pay too much attention to other people's moods or emotions, especially from complete strangers.
To you however, it mattered. You wanted to be able to read each customers mood as they entered the boba shop, you had been working at, for quite some time. It meant sometimes they needed a little extra kindness, a brighter smile when passing or taking their orders or some extra boba or toppings added into their drinks. This was just a part- time job to you at first, you didn't plan on doing this for a long time, you wanted something to distract you from your studies and actual job and to also of course earn some extra money. Back then you never realized you ended up enjoying it more than your actual career path and that it had a postive effect on your mental health and mood.
You had always been passionate, having no experience at first working with customers, although you adapted quickly, eventually learning the entire menu and not having to look at instructions whenever preparing a drink. You also got used to the regular customers, the guy in his twenties always coming in, in the afternoon ordering the same drink and sandwich, or the group of teenagers ordering some of the special drinks after school.
This morning something felt off, you couldn't quite wrap your head around it though and with each minute passing and more people walking into the shop to get their usual drink or food item of their choice before work, you tried to go over your little ''to-do'' list that your brain had memorized at this point. Almost at the bottom of your mental list you suddenly remember ''prepare usual order for usual lady in suit''.
That's when something occured to you, you did make the drinks for the same woman that has been coming in for over a year, always wearing a fancy suit or dress, wearing a handbag filled with documents and her phone always ready, mostly on the phone to who you assume to be her boss as she grabs the same drinks, sometimes struggling to carry them all. You eventually figured she was a regular so in the quiet hour before the rush, you prepared her drinks, put them all in cup holders and then into a bag, which was greatly appreciated by the occupied woman, always seeming to be in a rush.
She had been in every single day, apart from weekends (which only confirmed your theory about her working for someone and being their assistant) for over a year. No matter the cold winter days where little droplets of rain turned into beautiful flakes of snow. Or the really hot days when the heat made everyone a little crazy and coping a little harder. So it surprised you when you turned towards the counter today and saw the drinks still there, way past her usual time. You decide to put them in the fridge, figuring maybe she will come in later today.
However she never showed, it wasn't a big thing as you eventually just enjoyed the drinks with your coworker, questioning this choice of drink a little as you never had tried a matcha latte with chia seeds before and you still thought it was very odd and specific, but you also had been curious ever since she first ordered it. During the day your mind sometimes slips to the woman and you question whether she was okay, maybe she had changed positions and you would never get to see her again. As the day comes to an end, the mysterious assistant slips your mind again and you get back into your routine of cleaning and finishing up, before being able to go home and take an extra long walk back to the train station to enjoy the trees and first flowers of the year blossoming.
It took about four days, days of being away for your other job, days of betting with your coworkers on where the regular went, until today when you suddenly recieved a very interesting order. You are standing by the bar area within the boba shop, preparing the previous order and absent mindedly listening to your boss taking the next order, already thinking ahead whether you need to do anything special with the next few cups you picked up. ''Hi there, what can I get you?'' you hear your boss saying. A woman, you guess must be middled aged starts naming a list of drinks and this wasn't unusual to you until you heard the last drink ''And a tall iced matcha latte with chia seeds please''.
As you turn around with the drinks prepared before and calling the previous customers number, smiling at them as you pass them their drinks, you inspect this woman. Now this was definitely not the regular but she just ordered the exact drinks, in the exact same sizes and added toppings. This can't be a coincidence so as you pick up the cups for her order, you take a moment to inspect this woman. She is tall, blonde curly hair and dressed in a very expensive looking flannel shirt, her white pearl necklaces adding a little sparkle to her outfit. You smile, happy that you finally figured out the story of your regular, clearly this must be the lady she was working for.
However, busy with preparing the drinks and trying to make it right, trying to prepare them the best way you can, putting them inside cup holders as you finish them and wrapping them securely in a bag, you fail to realize that your coworkers over at the food stall are staring at the woman who had entered a few moments ago. ''Number 306 please'' you say and smile as the woman comes over. She looks at you a second and it feels as if her brown eyes are piercing right into your soul, inspecting your outfit carefully, which consist of your work t-shirt with the logo of the boba shop you work for, an apron and a name tag.
''Thank you Darling'' she smiles and nods in approval of the bag and the way you secured the drinks. ''Here you go'' she whispers and winks as she hands you a few notes. You nod gratefully and thank her before putting the money into the shared tip jar. As you watch her leave you carry on with your work but your coworkers are still distracted with their whispering. A few moments later the first rush has passed, people satisfied with their drinks and getting on with their mornings. One of your coworkers approach, giving you the little sign, whether you want to join her for a cigarette break. Of course you agree, quickly letting your boss and non-smoking coworkers know so they can take over for you.
''Do you know who just entered?'' your coworker, named Abby asks. ''Yes, so I figured this must be the person our regular works for'' you say while lighting your cigarette. For a second she looks at you baffled, giving you her usual ''What the hell Y/N'' reaction. ''No silly, this was Billie Dean Howard''. A few moments pass and as Abby realizes you have no clue what she is talking about she adds ''THE Billie Dean Howard, Medium to the stars.. REALLY?!''. She shakes her head in defeat, knowing you aren't one to catch up with the tv a lot but she at least hoped you had heard of her. ''I'm sorry'' you shrug and apologize and while listening to Abby about her show and the things she does and has accomplished, your mind slips to the blonde woman again whos name you now know is Billie Dean Howard.
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For about a week the woman with blonde slightly curled but perfectly styled hair and manicured nails walked into the boba shop herself, after two days you had the orders ready just a few minutes before she came in, as she also showed at the same times. You started paying attention to her a little more, the small details like her smile. You could tell when it was forced, someone recognising her within the shop or a polite one. But you also realized the genuine ones, like the time she realized you had her orders ready. She thanked you through her genuine smile, knowing you must have made her day a lot easier but it also reflecting in her tips. You could tell she was a generous person but also a very interesting person.
It made you a little sad when the following week, the blonde woman was replaced with your usual regular, assuming that her assistant must be back now. You missed seeing the medium every morning (whos tv show you might have started watching after the time Abby told you who she was-and possibly starting to binge watch it as well). You thought this was it and that you aren't gonna see her again, however the medium and universe had other plans. It wasn't just you finding the medium interesting, it was the other way around as well. Billie was used to people recognizing her but she could tell that you didn't. She liked the change, that your kindness was genuine and had nothing to do with her fame or the fact she tips well. And so Billie had already made the plan to see you again or schedule a lunch date with herself for one of her afternoon offs as she called it.
It was a normal shift today, busy as usual, your days spent with preparing drinks and ocassionally going for a cigarette break whenever you had the chance. As you head outside, you just miss the presence of the medium filling your work . Her perfume lingering in the air and her presence causing for some heads to turn. Billie was used to this attention, the ocassional people smiling at her or some fans even stopping her and asking questions like for an autograph or a photo.
As the medium takes a look around the shop, she feels a little pinch of disappointment as a little part of her had hoped that you would be there. The barista with the pretty hair, interesting tattoos and that adorable little green apron. She internally shakes her head, reminding herself that she is only here for the food and drink for her lunch break. She approches the register, where Abby can‘t hold back a little smile, feeling special that a celebrity would choose this place.
„Can I have a large salted caramel milk tea with the brown pearls-„ Billie starts as Abby types in her order. „And a greek salad please“. Abby nods before asking „To go?“ but Billie shakes her head and tells her she will eat it outside at one of the tables. As Abby takes her money, Billie of course not wanting the change, always tipping well, the medium steps a little closer. „Is the one with the tattoos working today, a little shorter and y/hc hair?“. Abby smiles and nods explaining you are on a short break but you are here today.
As Billie steps outside, sitting down at one of the tables, she feels a little buzz of excitement. A few moments later, you head back inside, missing the medium once again as she is now sitting outside, scrolling on her phone. Abby smirks and hands you a note „Order from a little fan of yours“ and you look at her a bit puzzled. „Billie Dean Howard“ she explains and you can‘t help but hold in a little smile as you realize the order isn‘t to go.
You hurry up, put some gloves on and prepare her salad and drink. Never before have you put so much effort into an order, making the cup look special with drizzles of syrup and adding some extra bread for her as well. Usually customers recieve an order number and step back inside to recieve their order. But you didn‘t like this and often, especially with older people or when it wasn‘t that busy, took out the food yourself. So you adjust your apron and walk outside, quickly spotting the medium.
As you walk over, you can‘t help but notice the beautiful summer dress she is wearing, her hair slightly curly and makeup perfect, you could tell even through the sunglasses. Admittedly it was a little early as summer was just around the corner as spring ended with flowers and trees showing off their true beauty. You could tell the medium was a summer person, simply by the way she dressed and a sense of true peace visible on her beautiful features.
„Hello, you ordered a large salted caramel milk tea and the greek salad?“ you ask, a smile on your lips as you pass her the food. „I did, thank you darling“ Billie replies, abandoning her phone and lowering her sunglasses as if she wanted to observe you a little closer, not wanting the shade of the glasses to obsecure your features. After you pass her order, you just stand there a moment and the both of you lock eyes. You wanted to say so many things, like how you had no idea who she was before but now you have spent every evening binge watching her show.
Of course you stay silent and get lost in her brown eyes. „My assistant tells me you always have our orders ready in the morning, before she even shows up?“ you see a little satisfied and approving smile on her face and for a moment you feel like being praised by your teachers or parents for doing something correctly but something in the medium‘s eyes showed honest gratitude. „I do“ you reply. „I like taking care of our regular customers“ you add before realizing how that sounded. You smile a little embarassed and scratch your neck, a nervous habit of yours.
„Well um- enjoy your food and please don‘t hesitate to let me know if you need anything else“. you smile and apologize as you have to head back inside. Billie smiles and mumbles „Will do“ before turning her attention to her lunch. For the next half an hour you have a hard time concentrating on your work. You can‘t help and peak out the window while you prepare or take orders, making sure she is still there and not in need of something. After a little while, Abby hands you some wipes and sanitizer and smiles before saying „the tables outside need to be cleaned“. As you take it, you smile, knowing exactly what she was up to.
Walking back outside you clean the other tables first before turning towards Billie‘s. She had finished a little while ago and so you ask whether you can take her cup and the plate. She nods and you ask if she needed anything else. „Your number“ Billie thinks to herself but she wasn‘t this direct. Well usually she was but the medium had never been the relationship type, more flings and one night stands but for some reason, despite the little age gap that she assumed, there was something about you, even though she couldn‘t explain it yet. Billie simply shakes her head before saying „Just my usual as well to take back to the office“ and handing you some cash, of course a very generous tip included.
„Of course, my pleasure“ you reply and thank her before heading back inside and preparing her drink, making sure it‘s secured properly. As you head back outside to hand it to her, she already stands by the door, a little smile on her face. „Thank you darling, I‘ll see you in my next lunchbreak“. With those words she leaves your workplace, swaying her hips on the way out (a little more than necessary) and a satisfied smile. Leaving you with a little tingly feeling in your stomach and a big smile on your face, a linger of excitement, keeping you motivated for the rest of your workday.
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A few months later:
As you step outside, locking the door behind you, you feel the cold air hitting you. Specifically your face, hands and around your neck. You shiver, your hands shaking as you move the keys. Instantly you regret not having listened about wrapping up warmer for this season. You see the lights of the other shops around you reflecting in the door. This was truly your favorite season and despite being cold you wished for some snow flakes as they were your favorite thing about winter.
You turn around and your breath gets caught in your throat as you see someone standing infront of you. „Hello there babydoll“ you see Billie standing infront of you. She looks beautiful, wearing a suit combination and a long coat, matched with her prada bag and fancy scarf, you weren‘t sure of the exact brand but it must be an expensive one. A smile beams onto your face and your day is instantly forgotten. Today wasn‘t too bad but the winters were always hard because you had to work alone and it took a lot longer preparing a bunch of warm drinks rather than cold ones.
„Hi Billie“ you smile a little shy. You still get shy around her, even though it has been such a long time since she first walked into your work. The blonde notices your shivers and smirks a little bit. „Cold there darling?“ she smiles, despite having warned you several times to wrap up warmer in the mornings. „I got you something“ she beams, doing that excited little tapping with her fingernails. She extracts a box from her handbag and passes it to you. You look at her a little surprised. You were fully aware by now that Billie expressed her love through gifts a lot, of course she showed it in other ways as well.
„You didn‘t have to“ you smile and seeing her excited face you know you have to open it right then and there. Inside the fancily packaged box you find a beautiful set containing a scarf, beanie and gloves. Not just that, they feel very soft, must be a satin material and on top of it, they are your favorite colour. You just look at her, your eyes sparkling as you feel the love for the woman standing infront of you. You are so greatful, not just for the gifts but knowing that Billie took the time to buy these herself. You knew she didn‘t get her assistant to do this and that she went out herself, on top of picking you up from work. Often Billie worked late and you prefered taking the train rather than her sending a driver or taxi. She prefered it for your wellbeing and safety but you convinced her it was okay.
„Thank you so much Billie“ you exclaim and she helps wrap you up, putting the hat on your head and adjusting your hair, boping your nose and smiling, before helping with the scarf as you put the gloves on. „Better?“ she smirks proudly and you nod, unable to say anything, the grattitude and love for the medium reflecting in your eyes. „Let‘s get you home and cozy and pick up some dinner hm?“ she asks gently. You nod and she holds out her hand before you two walk into the cold together.
As you pass all the shops, some of them still open, mostly decorated with fairy lights, you walk past some places filled with memories. Starting with the tables and chairs from your workplace that are now neatly stacked away, reminding you of Billie‘s first lunch there and the several ones that followed, an excuse to see you more and every day in the end, even though Billie convinced herself at first she needed to prioritize her „me time“ and take time to actually have lunch. Next you walk past a fancy little italian restaurant that Billie eventually took you to.
Followed by Billie‘s office that she took you to in the end and introduced you to everyone, after quickly learning you became a super fan of her show. You actually got to meet her assistant as well and being introduced properly. Billie turned your world upside down. You had never been in a meaningful relationship before but she was everything. It was impossible to adore this woman any more than you do. Quickly after Billie‘s lunchbreaks became a regular thing, you got talking more, spending your cigarette breaks with the medium‘s instead and eventually her giving you her phone number.
As you walk past her office and a few of her favorite boutiques, you remember the time she took you shopping, never wanting you to pay with your own money as she knew how hard you worked for it. She treated you like a princess, her princess. After agreeing, what you wanted to take home for dinner that night, you just watch Billie in awe, as she walks up to the window of your favorite places, ordering the food and then waiting, lighting a cigarette. She was a goddess and you couldn‘t wrap your head around how she was yours.
After she finishes her cigarette, the two of you stand there, locking eyes and that same little smile on both of your faces whenever her brown eyes looked into yours. The cold air hits you yet again, causing for your body to shiver. Billie stays silent, moving closer to you and wrapping her arm around you, pulling you in. And in that moment you knew, you could have never fallen in love, at least properly, not until you found her. You also knew you would never let the blonde go. Billie saved you in every possible way a person could save you.
„Here you go“ the waiter exclaims and hands Billie the bags of warm food, which makes your stomach rumble a bit more. You offer to take them but Billie insists on holding them herself, taking your hand into her free one. As you walk towards the way home, you feel like you are in a movie, the cold winter air, the fairylight of shops and the beautiful smells everywhere. Your view is completed as you suddenly see little snowflakes. Billie smiles, knowing how much you loved them.
„Billie?“ you suddenly stop for a moment and the medium stops as well, looking at you. „I love you“ you exclaim before she smiles softly and pulls you in for a kiss, the snowflakes softly landing on both of your clothes and hair. „I love you too babydoll“
Even though I've had sneak peaks I got so damn excited when I saw you posted this. You have such a talent for writing soft, sweet, beautiful stories my darling and they never fail to make me smile
Wilhemina Venable x Cordelia Goode x Reader- Hold on
word count: 3.5k
warnings: mental health, mention of depression, mild mention of suicidal thoughts, mild mention of self harm, angst, fluff
Prompt: as each day becomes harder and the urge of hiding your true feelings and emotions from everyone grows stronger, you are reminded that you aren't alone and sometimes all it takes is someone to hold your hand as you hold on
A/N: I haven't written in a while, specifically haven't updated my mental health one shots on wattpad in a while so here we are.
Taglist: (if you wanna be added or taken off, send me a dm or an ask)
If someone asked you when everything had changed, days felt so long with each minute passing, feeling like pure torture however at the same time passing too quickly and feeling as if your life was just passing by you. You couldn't answer that question, not that one or all the other questions circling in your mind lately.
When did you let it get this bad? Why have things changed so drastically? Where did the girl with the brightest smile go? The one who would get so passionate about little things like autumn leaves falling as soon as the season finally changed, the first pumpkin spice latte of each year or feeling the first snowflake on your skin. Where did she go? and why was she replaced with this colder, sad version that you didn't recognise at times yourself.
Another question you asked yourself was how no one had noticed but at the same time you felt relief about this. It was always your safe space, hiding your true emotions from everyone around you. At least the ones you didn't mean for anyone to see. You didn't mind letting people in on happy emotions, smiling and laughing and sharing your happiness. However you always hid the negative once, sadness as you would never cry in front of anyone or show fear. You felt uncomfortable, not wanting to show weakness and at the same time wanting to keep the image of the picture perfect person intact, at least on the outside.
What you are unaware of however is that people did notice. Not anyone of course, most people just passed by you, mistaking the fake smiles for real ones, not noticing how you always avoided the question ''How are you'' with a quick ''I'm fine, how are you?'' before brushing it off and telling you about their own problems or lives. You prefered it that way, not having to be open that way. But people noticed, more specifically the two people closest to you. Despite trying to hide it and carrying on with your days, switching between shifts and university as you had been doing ever since moving into the academy with them, all while still showing kindness and helping out everyone around you.
Cordelia had noticed first, being able to tell that her little sunshine's smile was fading every day. She tried to convince herself for a while that you are okay and it was due to stress as she knew you would never say no to taking care of your girlfriends or helping them out in any way to relieve them of some stress, nothing ever too much and only wanting to put smiles on their faces. She believed that you were just a little stressed, however there was a specific afternoon she noticed that something was indeed off, causing for her perfect features to crease and the worry written into her face.
It was an ordinary sunday afternoon, and those were usually spent in peace and quiet to recharge for the upcoming week. The three of you had this little routine as often the witches were to return in the evening after being away for the weekend, while some others just liked some peace and quiet in their rooms. The three of you would usually spent time together, going on walks as much as Wilhemina's back and pains would allow, cooking or baking together or spending some cozy time on the sofa together, by the fireplace or playing a movie. Cordelia would sometimes read, while Wilhemina would do some knitting. On busy weekends you would do some work for university but always in their embrace, a warm arm wrapped around you or a set of tender brown eyes looking at you with pure adoration.
On this said afternoon however, you hid away as you prefered being on yourself, trying to drown yourself in uni assignments and distracting from the aching feeling in your heart. You felt horrible all day, the thoughts so loud keeping you from forming a sentence that made any sense. The aching in your heart feeling as if someone cut it over and over again. Every breath hurt your lungs, every step hurt your tired feet and you just couldn't do it that afternoon, pretend that everything was okay and fake smile.
So you hid away, in the safety of your shared bedroom, knowing Cordelia and Wilhemina are with each other and okay and trying to allow yourself that time and space for yourself, knowing you wouldn't be good company in this state anyway. Your girlfriend Cordelia however, had this strange feeling for days and barely seeing you that sunday only allowed for thoughts filled with worry to overtake her. Wilhemina, your other girlfriend usually was more quiet, always careful to read people's emotions or interpret them and rather keeping quiet and observing. Sometimes your blonde and redhead girlfriend couldn't be more different but at the same time they understood each other.
Despite sitting by the fireplace, Cordelia trying to focus on her reading about plants and Wilhemina knitting while the tv was playing in the background, the history channel that Wilhemina hated despite you both knowing she adores it. Wilhemina could quite literally hear Cordelia's thoughts as her face gave it away, worry written across it and her head filled with scenarios and explanations why you were so different lately and trying to find a reason for hiding away from them.
Wilhemina carefully scanned her lovers features, knowing that Cordelia's thoughts were clearly occupied by something. She often felt insecure, despite being with both of you for such a long time, yet life had bruised the woman in a way that made her question herself whenever she spoke up, despite being seen as fierce and strong on the outside. Only you and Cordelia got to see the real Wilhemina, the quiet and small woman, that often doubts herself and equally tries to hide her pain from the world, both mental but also physical pain due to her condition.
Over the span of dating the both of you, Mina learned that she can be open, that she won't be hurt or judged when being honest and so slowly, yet not fully she would let her walls down and let you and Cordelia in, step by step. ''What is it, love?'' she asked carefully, unsure whether she read the signs right and fearing that after all it could be nothing or that the blonde wouldn't let her in. Cordelia locked eyes with her partner, seeing the fear of rejection in them and at the same time hoping she will find compassion from the redhead and maybe also her noticing your change in behaviour.
''It's Y/N'' she starts, a little anxious as she doesn't want to add to Wilhemina's plate and worry her, still fearing she is reading the signs wrong. Her thoughts trail off a little and for a few seconds Wilhemina is quiet, her heartbeat instantly fastening at the mention of your name. Even though she wouldn't admit it, her heart had always shown that reaction towards you and Cordelia as she loved you both with all her being. However, this feeling was different as she could hear the fear in her partner's voice and as if the worry shifted from Cordelia onto Wilhemina, they now share the same worried expression.
''I have a feeling something might be wrong'' Cordelia starts explaining, her voice shaking a little matching the trembling of her hands. The redhead sitting beside her notices, abandoning what she was initially doing and putting both of her hands into Cordelia's. ''What have you noticed, darling?'' she asks gently, knowing that her girlfriend wouldn't just assume things, that Cordelia had this ability of always reading people and often knowing and being proven right with her assumptions. She knows how observing the supreme is and therefore expects Cordelia to have witnessed things she might have missed.
''Just she's not usually like this, hiding away from us and keeping to herself'' she starts, not wanting to share those other things she had noticed just yet, as she didn't want to alarm Wilhemina too much without knowing for sure. ''I'm sure she just needs some time to focus on her studying'' Wilhemina reassures after a few moments, trying to keep her lover calm. Part of the redhead wasn't sure, trusting Cordelia's instincts more than anything but at the same time wanting to keep herself calm and hoping indeed she was right and it was just you focussing on your studying.
It didn't take long for Wilhemina to notice as well however, despite your best efforts to hide. The three of you had a routine, one that found it's way into your relationship and stayed the same ever since. Every morning, the three of you would get up at the same time and while Cordelia was getting dressed, Wilhemina showering, you would prepare their food for the day and some breakfast. You would then sit together and spend mornings, reading newspaper to each other or just talking and being in each other's company. But you withdrew from them more and more each day. She would find their breakfast and lunches packed and ready in the kitchen, however not your adorable smile as you passed it to them.
The reason for your hiding away wasn't that you didn't want to be near or around them, you did so badly but at the same time you needed to protect them as you didn't want them to know or see and you knew if they took one proper look at you, you would falter. You couldn't stand Cordelia's searching and caring eyes or Wilhemina's worried ones. You had to keep your guard up and protect. However in the process of that you forgot things and in your constructions of lies and hiding, you seemed to forget that neither of your girlfriends are oblivious and that despite their busy schedules they would notice.
They watched silently for a while, finding you exhausted and asleep in your shared bed throughout the day which was highly unusual, alerting them that this explained the reason for not finding you in bed sometimes as the thoughts kept you from sleep in the darkness of the night. Cordelia noticed you often slipping past the kitchen, skipping meals and giving them some excuse, mostly blaming it on university. However, they couldn't watch for much longer as your sad expression when you thought no one was watching physically hurt them.
''We need to talk to her'' Cordelia sighed, not being able to stand the unknowing feeling any longer and wanting to help so badly to put that familiar smile back on your face. Wilhemina nodded in agreement, finding this aching in her heart whenever seeing her little one so exhausted and the feeling of you slipping through their grasp and at the same time scared of losing you. And so, they decided to talk to you tonight, wanting to help their little one more than anything.
They decided to have this conversation in the comforting embrace of each other, no other witches around as all the students either went home for the weekend or had plans outside of the academy. Cordelia decided to make some dinner, your favorite while Wilhemina set the table for you three. ''It should be done soon, would you mind fetching her for me?'' Cordelia asks gently, smiling a little nervously but trying to hide it for her girlfriend's sake. Wilhemina nods, being able to tell that the supreme was nervous about the conversation that was about to be held.
As the redhead makes her way towards your shared bedroom, she remembers barely having seen you today or much in general lately for that matter. Her heart skips a beat in excitement to see you, however there was also a tone of worry in there. Today was especially a struggle, deadlines creeping up on you, being in physical pain as you felt so exhausted, you couldn‘t even breathe. You were frustrated, with yourself, the universe and your head for keeping you occupied with constant thoughts and doubt. Wilhemina gently knocked and when she didn‘t hear a reply she entered.
She found her little one sitting by the desk, a computer opened and some papers scattered around the table. The little purple candle she had bought you a while ago, lit and some tea that Cordelia brought hours ago but you didn‘t even touch it. She found you with both of your arms on the table, trying to steady your head. But it felt so heavy that you must have dozed off for a few minutes, or hours. As she approched, she noticed your posture, your left sleeve that rolled up just the tiniest bit, however she saw the pain on them that the last few months had had on you. She swallows hard, ignoring this for now. „Little one?“ she asks gently.
You jump, not expecting anyone to enter and also not even realizing you fell asleep. You turn towards her, wrinkles underneath your eyes and trying to muster your best smile for her. „I‘m sorry, I didnt mean to scare you“ she apologizes. She approaches and puts her hand on your shoulder, rubbing little circles on it with her thumb. For a second all the longing you had felt for the two of them overtakes you and your heart flutters. „We made you some dinner little one, will you come down?“ she asks gently. You knew something was up, of course Mina was gentle and kind but Cordelia was usually the one sweet talking.
„But I have all of these assignments“ is what you really wanted to say but you didn‘t even have the energy to fight or explain. So you nod and stand up, follow your girlfriend downstairs. As you walk down the stairs, you are distracted by the smell of your favorite food, the sound of Wilhemina‘s cane hitting the floor and then a sudden wave of dizziness overtaking you. The room spins and so you stop for a second. The redhead notices, when she didn‘t hear the sound of the old wooden stairs anymore. She finds you with your eyes closed and holding onto the railing.
„Y/N?“ she asks, the anxiety present in her voice. „Sorry, I‘m coming“ you reassure, opening your eyes and thankfully the dizzy spell had passed. She let‘s you walk into the kitchen first, giving Cordelia a worried expression. „Hi my darling“ Cordelia greets you, pressing a kiss to your forehead and smiling genuinely.
Dinner mostly went okay, some small talk and Wilhemina and Cordelia talking about their days. You tried as hard as you could to keep up with the conversation and engaging, as well as forcing your food down and ignoring the nasty voice in your head telling you how you didn‘t deserve that very food on your plate, that Cordelia prepared with so much love.
„Darling, we meant to ask, are you alright?“ Cordelia starts before Wilhemina adds „University really seems to stress you out little one, do you need me to have words with your professors?“ she asks, somewhat jokingly in hope to make you smile but also meaning every bit of it. And there it was. Those two little questions, filled with concern, love and care, enough for you to finally falter, accepting your situation and seek for help as you couldn‘t do it on your own for much longer.
„I- I can‘t“ you stutter, your own words betraying you as your eyes avoided their worried gazes. You caught your head in your hands, not wanting for them to see but of course they did. Two sets of brown eyes meet, Cordelia‘s chin wobbling and the pain visible in Mina‘s eyes. All they can see is their little darling silently sobbing and in so much pain. Part of Cordelia instantly felt relief as she knew this would help because it meant they could take care of you now. Of course they both struggled so much seeing you like this, despite your best efforts in trying to shield them from the ugly truth.
„Oh my darling“ Cordelia‘s voice breaks, instantly abandoning the thought of her food and rushing over to you. She kneels down, so her sad brown eyes look at you, her warm safe hands make its way to your knees. Wilhemina looks at the two of you, knowing she can‘t exactly be of much help, especially when it comes to her mobility but as she sees Delia‘s reassuring eyes, she holds onto her cane tight and walks over, her strong hands are suddenly gentle as ever, as they reach for your shoulders, rubbing circles just as she did before dinner.
Both of your girlfriends just stay with you, holding you close and letting you cry it out. They know that right now is the wrong time to have this conversation. After a while, Cordelia decides to lift you up and scoop you into her arms, taking you upstairs into your shared bedroom. Wilhemina followed, ignoring the pain of Delia once again being able to do more. The two of them make sure you are comfortable in bed as you eventually fell asleep, the opening up tiring you even more but their embrace making you feel comfortable and safe at the same time.
„We should talk to her tomorrow, when she‘s had some rest“ Cordelia explains, after they both step outside for a moment, knowing you are now safe and fast asleep. The blonde can see that Wilhemina‘s thoughts are occupied with something else. „I - I think you should“ she finally replies. For a moment the blonde assumes it‘s due to the redheads doubts or anxiety, unaware yet it was due to what Wilhemina had noticed a few hours ago. „I saw something on her wrist“ the redhead finally admits. No more words are necessary, Cordelia simply nodding and pulling Wilhemina into her arms, before they join you in the bedroom again, holding you and keeping you safe in their arms for the rest of the night.
The next day, you woke up to a quiet academy. They made a plan, Wilhemina was gonna take care of the coven, make sure the arrival of the witches returning from their weekend was smooth, while Cordelia took you somewhere quiet, the greenhouse and gardens, where she could talk to you just the two of you. She woke you with some breakfast and juice, sat beside you and said it was alright when you barely touched it. She held your hand the entire time, while walking into the greenhouse.
„I have missed you in here“ she shily admits and slowly but surely you opened up a little. Asked about some of the plants you hadn‘t seen in there since you last been there. The two of you enjoy some nice, quiet alone time, strolling through the sunny gardens and eventually ending back in the greenhouse, where Cordelia made you both some tea.
„Sweetheart can I talk to you?“ she carefully asks. You knew what was coming so you snuggled into her lap and closed your eyes. It was a long conversation and especially at the beginning Cordelia had to get the truth out of you with careful and gentle questions. She finally understood now how the assignments and university made you feel overwhelmed and it took a toll on your mental health. She knew it was gonna be a tough one and a journey to get your smile back, but they knew now so they could make sure to walk that road with you, carry you if your feet got too tired and hold your hand.
When you and Delia had returned that afternoon, Wilhemina could see it in both of your faces. Relief and hope. And just like your blonde girlfriend had promised, they did take that road with you. There were many hard nights and days, where you would cry in their laps, hold onto them tight, while they wiped your tears. Days where you hid away and they tried everything to be there and be patient. Very good days were you made them so proud.
Even now, months after finally letting the walls down, youve had two sets of brown tender eyes giving you courage, always a set of strong arms and hands keeping you safe and guarding you when the pain made it impossible to look into the future. You are holding on for them and they are holding you in return, making this journey a lot easier and bareable.
Prompt: The supreme and you have always had a special connection. No one quite knew what it was, the bond that kept you both as close as possible. Will that bond stay when one of you has to make a decision about leaving?
A/N: This wasn't exactly what I planned when I made a post about posting again this week. However, I got the inspiration from a german song called ''Auf anderen Wegen''. I hope you have all been well 🖤
Taglist: (if you wanna be added or taken off, send me a dm or an ask)
It all started like any usual morning. It was one of those beautiful kind, the smell of fresh coffee in the air, the sun greeting you through the window. With each step you took down the staircase of the coven, you felt more at home and safe, so familiar with the faces of the witches and students passing and greeting you and the smell of magic in the air. As you walk past the kitchen, you glance into the hallway and notice the front door being slightly ajar.
Even though you aren't a witch and don't have any special powers or magic, you always knew when Cordelia was around. Maybe it was that special supreme sparkle, as you called it and often joked about in order to make her smile, or maybe it was her light perfume that had long registered as the smell of home to you in your brain and heart. You see her standing by the stairs and slightly bending down, gracefully as ever, wearing a beautiful dress with flowers printed on them. Your mind wanders off for a second, as the view in front of you was picture perfect.
Long blonde curls falling perfectly, the dress matching the atmosphere outside, little purple and yellow flowers starting to grow near the gates of the academy and of course her face. As she turned to you and saw you, Cordelia instantly smiles, the sun revealing her beautiful features. ''Hi there'' she smiles, before biting her tongue ever so slightly. You noticed she often did this when you were around one another. For a moment you both just stand across each other, both smiling and eyes meeting each other.
''Oh this is for you by the way, sweetheart'' she smiles and pulls a letter from the little stack, handing it to you. As soon as you saw the adress on the letter, your heart started beating faster and the color seemed to have been wiped from your face, as you had a feeling what this was gonna be. Cordelia would always notice the slightest changes, especially when it comes to you. ''Are you okay sweetheart? no bad news I hope'' she asks emphatically. You simply force a smile, shake your head and walk into the coven with her.
Her question was much more complex. Of course it could be answered with a simple ''Yes'' or ''No'' but in this case it seemed impossible. As you opened the letter a few days later, trying to drag it on as long as possible and pretend you don't have to open it, the content confirms it's both good and bad news.
Growing up, you always seemed to have a rough idea what you wanted to do once you were old enough and as more time passed, you got the idea of how to do that. You had your career pretty much settled, a good job in a great company until fate sent you on a different path, making it impossible to stay with your old firm and having to figure something else out for a while. And you did, it wasn't much but you found a coffee shop in New Orleans that hired you. It wasn't where you wanted to be but you enjoyed giving people a little bit of happiness, even if it just meant making their coffee or breakfast orders.
You didn't exactly plan to stay in New Orleans forever, managing to get a room in the apartment of your co-worker at the time. It brought you joy, going into work in the mornings, talking to a few regulars and bringing a smile to their face. One day everything changed however when a blonde woman walked in, with the brightest smile of them all, mistaking her for an angel at first, as you couldn't believe she was real.
Only later on you got to know that she is even more beautiful on the inside, the most kindest, caring, sweetest person you ever laid eyes upon. Cordelia Goode and you started talking until she invited you to the coven eventually when you shared your love for plants and flowers with each other. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, when she took you to the greenhouse, the gardens and the academy. Of course at first it was a little odd to learn that magic, spells and potions were indeed true and not just something you see in movies or tv-shows.
Cordelia offered you a room at the coven, in exchange for you helping her with the greenhouse and gardens a little, as none of the girls and students shared that particular love and interest for greenery as much as you both did. Usually, the supreme would have never done this, took a stranger into the academy, opened up to someone she barely knew. However, there was something about you that she got to know and learned to love eventually.
You had been there for a while, often losing track of exactly how long you had been with Cordelia and the coven now, including the witches that have become so familiar by now. You remember the colder days, you and Cordelia stargazing and her wrapping you in a bunch of blankets. You remember the sunny days when she took you on picnics and mornings at farms or parks nearby, watching the animals and you watched in awe as they all approached her, no magic needed, her kindness truly enough to attract the attention of the animals.
Cordelia also attracted your attention, of course she was a woman and considerably older. However, your body did something whenever she was around or her name was mentioned. Your heart would start beating so fast, that it felt like your whole world was spinning, when in reality it was just the butterflies in your tummy. Those times she wrapped your arms around you, felt like you were complete, the times when she held your hand when you were scared felt like you found your person.
The connection between you and the blonde seemed to have deeper roots and labels however. You trusted each other, knowing you would give up each other's lives if it meant saving the other. Always listening to each other, being there when it got tough, Cordelia swallowed in her work load or you doubting your place and the point sometimes. You had each other and that was something neither of you had ever experienced that way. It was special, that Cordelia let you in, after all of the heartbreaks and betrayals she had experienced in her life, however she had a feeling.
As you stand in your bedroom it feels like time froze, the birds stopped humming outside your window, the busy halls of the academy suddenly quiet. ''Dear Y/N, thank you for your application. Both your qualifications and work experience allow us to offer you a position. Please let us know your availability''. Part of you didn't even remember sending some of the stupid applications. It must have been a moment of weakness, when you questioned the point of living in the coven again, as technically they are not your family, you are an outsider, nothing to offer and nothing to give, not good enough for Cordelia or to offer her what she truly deserved.
Maybe it was also a moment of strength though as you ended up on a few of your dream firm's websites and saw a few open positions. You never wanted this, a simple job, a simple life. You wanted to follow your passion, work in a top firm, earning enough to have a nice life, do some travelling and eventually find your soulmate. So far you hadn't achieved any of those things. Even though you would like to believe you had found your person, you realised that Cordelia and you had always been meant to be on different ways.
She was after all the most powerful witch, being able to use magic, leading a coven full of students, teaching them, part of the council and working together with other schools. She had a family and a life to take care of. Her plans never extended leading the coven and taking care of her girls. You remember the countless times, you had tried to get her to go away from the coven a little further, even suggesting something outside of New Orleans for a few hours or days but it wasn't possible as she took her responsibilities serious.
Maybe it was that day, when you realised that a life with Cordelia wasn't possible. At least not in the way you would want. As your eyes keep following the words on the letter, both your brain and heart feel on fire. You finally got the job in a city where you wanted, being able to finally have the life you wanted. But at the same time you knew that meant leaving and not looking back. Leaving the coven, your friends and the woman you had such a strong connection with. Cordelia.
You knew of course that she wouldn't follow you and neither did you expect her to. You were fully aware she had her life here and that she was gonna be okay. But it killed you, the thought of being away from her, away from your safe space, the feeling of home and a secure hand or arms wrapping around you when you needed her the most.
In the weeks that followed, you opening the letter, talking to Cordelia and accepting the job, things had changed between you two. You used to have the same pace, walking together in synch on the way to the greenhouse, hugging and feeling your hearts beat against each other. Now it seemed as if whenever you walked, she tried to jump, your hearts beating a different pace, as if you lost each other before actually saying goodbye yet and parting ways.
''You are leaving sweetheart?'' Cordelia asked the day you told her, trying to contain her emotions.
''I have found a job Delia'' you mumbled, feeling shy, feeling like a traitor, at the same time your heart breaking.
''I'm happy for you sweetie, if it's what you want'' she reassures and smiles.
''It is Delia'' you reassured her.
''We will still see each other right, where is it?'' she asked, seemingly positive.
However as you told her the place, the change of time zones and the distance between you two, her smile faded a little. Her positivity fading with each thought that her brain allowed about this. Realising soon you were gonna be gone, not greeting her with breakfast every morning, finding you in the greenhouse, looking so adorable as you took care of the plants. Not only Cordelia was your sunshine and angel, to her you were exactly the same things, if not even more than that. Her safe place.
Neither of you wanted things to change, and you both tried. On the weekends when the girls were gone, you both took the days off the coven and spent beautiful adventures together. Cordelia took you to a lake nearby, buying you ice cream and laughing uncontrollably as your mouth was covered with chocolate. You took her stargazing again as it was the most beautiful thing to witness, especially with her. You bought her flowers and her favourite chocolates, making sure you got to see that smile as often as possible before you left.
There were a few nights when she told you that she was scared about you leaving, happy of course as she wanted you to do great and for you to achieve amazing things but the goodbye hurt. Neither of you were ready for the actual goodbye. You dreaded it the weeks and months before, avoiding the actual move as long as your new company allowed you. You laid awake in the middle of the night, tears streaming down your face and doubts filling your mind, whether you were doing the right thing.
Cordelia tried to ignore the fact that you were leaving as much as possible. However it only took one glance at you or one of the girls mentioning your leaving and it tore her apart. She loved you but she knew she had to let you go so you could have the life you wanted and do great. She cared more about your happiness than her own.
The blonde insisted on taking you to the airport when the day finally arrived. You hated the idea, knowing it was gonna be a hard and sad goodbye.
And indeed it was, it felt so surreal, walking past the people leaving on different ways, parting and saying goodbye to their loved ones. Cordelia held your hand the entire time, trying to hold her tears and not break down in front of you. Of course you had talked this through, made a plan for when you were gonna call each other, send texts and of course see each other again. Both of you knew all along it was gonna be hard with your schedules and the time zones, maybe even impossible but you rather pretended it was possible, as otherwise both of you would have completely fallen apart.
Until the very end, you questioned whether this was right. Of course, you could have turned around, carry on your life besides Cordelia in the coven. Wasn't it worth it? if it meant you got to wake up in the same house as her every morning? be around her most of the day? Or does it have to be this way?
''You are gonna do great my sweet girl and don't forget I am so proud of you'' she whispered as she kissed your cheek.
''Thank you Delia'' you whispered but your voice cracked and the tears started streaming down your face.
''Of course darling'' she whispered, smiling and wiping your tears.
''You call me when you land alright and you better be safe?'' she scolds slightly and you smile a little.
''Yes mother'' you wink and you both start laughing as you often called her that when she was particularly worried about something.
You held on to her tight, not wanting to let go as you felt her blonde curls on your face, smelling that familiar sense of home.
As you walk towards the gate of your flight, everything is spinning a little, all you could feel are your trembling hands, your cheeks still wet from crying and feeling a letter in your hand that Cordelia had given you as you parted.
''I let you go, I will love you Delia, you will be a part of me but I let you go''. you mumble as your find your seat on the airplane, watching as the sun sets. An odd sign of the universe as it felt like you had just said goodbye to your sun, afraid it will never rise again, at least til you get to see her again.
You had to do it for your own sake and for hers but as you take off for your next adventure in life, on the way to start a new job that you have wanted for years, you realise you never thought about the consequences and pain of going on different ways than Cordelia. Your sunshine.
A/N: Part of this fic I wrote weeks ago, happily, the other part I wrote today, angrily. It was inspired by Text Book by Lana Del Rey, My Love by Florence + The Machine, my obsession with a certain type of characters, and life (yes it is a little bit of a clusterfuck) (even more so as I barely edited it) (if you find typos please let me know) xx
Warnings: paranoia (?), anxiety (?), mentions of self-harm, two lines of smut; English isn’t my first language; zero context because I couldn’t be bothered with it we go in medias res or we die; I apologise for the clichés in this fic
The way my heart soared when I saw you posted. As always such a beautiful, unique and interesting character exploration. I will never cease to be amazed at how you construct stories from snippets and yet make everything so coherent and beautiful.
The long awaited sequel to the feminist masterpiece "Ocean's 8". When a brilliant woman (Wilhemina Venable) has finally had enough of dealing with her coked out bosses she seeks revenge and unintentionally uncovers their plot to end the world. Along with her beautiful and charismatic girlfriend (Cordelia Goode), who also happens to be the most powerful witch on earth, she hatches a plan to save the world. But they will need the help of seven other exceptional women: a hacker good enough (a crazy enough) to get past even the highest of security (Sally McKenna), a forger who's oil paintings are so convincing that there are currently 3 hanging in the Louvre (TB Karen), a fence so persuasive she has quite literally sold ice to Eskimos (Billie Dean Howard), a world renowned journalist who can make even the wildest story become reality (Lana Winters), a nasty woman with enough grit, determination and smarts to fight her way out of any situation (Ally Mayfair-Richards), a drama school dropout with unrivalled ability to hide in plain sight (Audrey Tindall) and a pretty damn distracting set of twins (Bette and Dot Tattler). Together they will save the world, take down the patriarchy and look damn fine while they do it.
“and perhaps what made her beautiful was not her appearance or what she achieved, but in her love and in her courage, and her audacity to believe: no matter the darkness around her, light ran wild within her, and that was the way she came alive, and it showed up in everything.”
So the very first thing I thought was how excited I was to see Sarah play a villain, closely followed by how much I adored her aesthetic. And I was absolutely intrigued to know more about her.
2. When I think I truly started to like them (or dislike them, if you've sent me a character I don't like)
I was certainly drawn to her from the very first moment but the single thing that cemented my luv for her was this scene which still absolutely breaks my heart.
3. A song that reminds me of them
I mean I have a whole playlist 😅
I can't pick just one but a couple of my favorites are "To be human" and "I am not a robot" by Marina; "This woman's work" by Kate Bush; "Where I stood" by Missy Higgins and "The end of the world" by Josefien.
11. What’s the first thing you think about when thinking about the character?
That I just want to wrap her up in the biggest hug and tell her that she is brave and kind and beautiful and enough
26. When do you think they were being "themselves" the most?
This is a really interesting one because I don't think we ever really see Mina be herself. She is always putting up a front to show the world, she is always afraid of showing even the smallest hint of weakness so everything with her is very constructed and intentional. There are little glimpses though. You see her cracked open and raw when Michael exposes her back, you see the fear in her eyes when the intruder is initially announced but you also see the self satisfied little smirk when she bangs her cane here.
I think the fact that we know so little about her and see so little of her actually being herself makes her so intriguing. And the fact that Inspite of this we have such a clear picture of the kind of person she is is an amazing testament to Sarah. The way she portrays Mina is so nuanced and understated and beautiful and I absolutely adore watching every little detail she puts into her.
30. The funniest scene they had?
I mean she had so many amazing reads 😈
But the scene that makes me laugh the most is probably with Myrtle because that is too much redheaded badassery to ignore
