Family, NOT Friends....?
So I just got home from seeing Infiltrator (by the way it was a pretty good movie if I can say so myself), and that experience made me further realize something: I sincerely don't have ANY friends. And I'm not just saying that sarcastically or just to be saying it because I went to the movie by myself (as I oftentimes do), but I honestly do not have a single friend. Here's how I see it: I have the same type of relationships with my so called "friends" that I have with my family. No I don't mean it like "I don't have friends, I have family" type of feel good quote, but my relationships with my "friends" are similar to those of my family members. Outside of my immediate household, the relationship that I have with my family is fairly distant: we rarely talk to or see one another outside of holidays or special occasions (now that most of my immediate family is spread out through the country, it's becoming this way as well). There's no love lost because when we come together it's like we don't miss a beat, but that's just the way my relationships with my family has pretty much been for the past 15 or so years. So when it comes to these "friends" I have, it doesn't bother me to have those type of relationships because it is what I have become accustomed to. But when I think of a true friend, it's someone you can depend on to be there whenever. Someone you talk to on the regular and have similar interests and practices that you can build upon with one another. When I decided that I wanted to go to the movie tonight, there was not a single person that came to mind that I even entertained to invite. Not because I wanted to be to myself, but because I genuinely could not think of a single person that would be down to go on that short of notice, like close friends would do. I've been through the cycle of being close with too many people for a small amount of time to not begin to ask the question of what is that person(s) purpose in my life. Is the friendship going to stay close or will it be like all the other ones I've lived through? This is not a plea to circle the wagons and to see who's really on #TeamRoy, this is just me coming to a realization that will keep me from future disappointment and confusion. If this is the way God has for me to navigate through many circles and not be too attached, then I'm fine with that. If I'm just in that season of alone time and to continue to grow in love of myself, then perfect. Whatever the reason is for it, I will accept it and continue to grow...