I think a lot of people believe Tony is arrogant because of his flippant attitude and tongue-in-cheek blustering, but many of his actions (which speak louder than words) demonstrate a remarkable lack of ego.
Makes Pepper Potts CEO of Stark Industries [he trusts her more than himself to run his company]
“Dead for almost 20 years, and still taking me to school.” [could take credit for the New Element, but emphasizes he ‘re’discovered it]
Lays on the wire in The Avengers to save New York City when redirecting the nuclear bomb into the wormhole [after Steve said Tony isn’t the kind of man to do that]
“I…I’m just a man in a can.” [said while vulnerable]
“Actually, he’s the boss. [points to Steve] I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.”
“Like the old man said. Together.”
“Ultron. My fault.” [takes sole accountability for the Sokovia disaster, even though Bruce also helped]
The entirety of Civil War in general. Tony believes that the Avengers should have oversight. Handing authority of the Avengers to a Council is not the action of an egoist who thinks he’s always right (!!!) He’s basically admitting they can, and have, made mistakes and need to be put in check.
Asks Peter for a plan on how to rescue Strange in infinity War – and that’s the plan they use.
Goes with Quill’s plan on Titan in Infinity War, even though he didn’t seem to have a high opinion of the guardians.
Tries to stop Strange from handing over the Time Stone in Infinity War, even though that’s what spared his life.
I mean, time and time again, Tony tries to be a team player, listens to others, and exhibits self-deprecating behavior. When he was dying in Iron Man 2, he went on a destructive binge to force everyone who loved him away so they wouldn’t care when he was gone. I mean… !??!?!? Like, ego? Where!?
Iron Man is more than a suit of armor. It’s a metaphor for who Tony Stark is as a person: cold and hard on the outside, but warm and soft on the inside. He uses his arrogance as a shield to protect himself–to deceive people into thinking he’s not as vulnerable as he really is.
It reminds me of this quote:
“The difference between ‘Iron Man’ and some other movies is that there’s no spider bite; there’s no magic bullet where a hero is born. We had to build him. We wanted people to remember that there’s a person inside that suit, and it will hurt if he falls.”
It boggles me when that’s lost on some. Like, yeah, Tony’s a messy character, and he’s certainly a hard pill to swallow because he can be downright acrimonious, but he feels so deeply. He’s easily wounded. He’s one of the most emotionally-driven superheroes. That’s why everything he’s done has taken such a toll on him. It’s why he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s why he has anxiety attacks. He wants so badly to do good and save the people he loves – even at the cost of his own sanity and comfort. Every time he fails, it destroys more and more of what little self-worth he has.
What kind of selfish egoist does that?
