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SASUSAKU WEEK 2018 ↳Day 4: Favorite Family Moment

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(link1), (link2)

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team 7- before and now

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I LOVE SASUSAKU S O MU C H あああーー

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Team 7– through the years

I don’t know how I get through the days. Especially right now, when I give myself the time to actually think… this is so hard. I know and understand that from mama’s passing experience that some days will be okay, a lot easier to deal with and other days would be a lot harder… logically I know that. But going through this phase again for the second time, when I – we- haven’t even finish mourning or totally moving on with mama’s passing… ya Allah… Cuma Allah saja tahu apa dalam hati ani.

Ya Allah please grant me & my family strength to go through this the second time. Please keep us in your straight path and don’t let us stray. Ujian yang besar kau bagi and sometimes, I feel like I’m not strong enough to bear this. People say ‘you’re so strong’ and I feel like such a fraud… I’m only able to put a brave front and be strong because I cry my sorrow, mourning, feelings into the quiet of the night. I let myself cry when I drive around in the car as I remember I always supir Mama and Babah before… to look at the passenger seats where they always sat now – empty. Empty like the hollowed feeling in my chest… when people say they feel a piece of them was gone along and hollowed when a loved one passed away, I understand now. Well, have been since Mama.

I got my finger tekapit arah kerita today and it hurts like a beach. It saddens me that I cant complain this kind of detail to mama babah anymore… they’d fuss over me & mama would probably tiupkan and bacakan my hand and giving suggestion on how to make it heal as fast. I miss being called sayang by them and being dotted on. No more parents to baby me and give kasih sayang. Rasa rindu dan sedih yang teramat sangat.

This is the cycle of life though. eventually all will meet their end, back to their creator. I am not unfortunate, kena bagi peluang yang sekian lama ani. Right now it is so hard to see past my own circumstance. Babah’s passing is still fresh and kami masih dalam process mourning. Kena always ingat ajal ani bila masa, ada orang ajal nya lebih awal, ada yang parents pulang witness anak dorang pergi dari diorang terlebih dahulu.... Lain orang lain circumstances nya. May all of us be given ease when given hardship, and mudahan kami ani ready and equipped to face our creator when it is our turn to go back to HIm.