Backtrack: Treppenwitz

I wish I could just go back in time and said "that" instead.

[minimalcat]

Ganon naman ata talaga eh, akala ng lahat malakas tayo.

Pero yung totoo, gustong gustong gusto mo na sumuko.

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Soon, dad.

Hey dad, I miss you! 

And I have a great story to tell you! 

Your brother and sisters visited us and it felt like an instant mini reunion. 

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you that tita Edith came too. Right? I know. tito Tirzo’s good now. Hihi. Finally! It’s the least he can do right now because tita is sick :( Breast cancer is no joke. He really needs to act like a real husband now. 

Kuya Jun? He still acts like baby.I don’t know when he’ll finally act like a mature one. Well, atleast he’s not involved in any mess right now. Tita Ceng and Ina are fine. Jepoy is a teenager now and misses you too! He wants to take the bike you gave him, but there’s still a lot of work to do before we can get it, so I told him I’d just give it to him another time.

Tito Pete already has their car! They bought an Avanza and that’s when I rememered you again—telling us stories about your dreams. One of them was about “our” car like when you’d teach us how to drive, what car you wanted us to buy, where we’d travel first, and how to choose a good one.

I really miss you, Dad. I really miss your stories and your dreams.

Sana nandito ka kasama namin kumain. Sana nandito ka at makita yung mga achievements na nagagawa at magagawa namin. Sana nandito ka pa.

But soon dad... yung mga pangarap mo para sa family natin, maabot na namin. 

Everything’s gonna be alright then. Soon, dad. Soon.

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Someone needs to be productive

Hooray for a long weekend! Enough time to do the unfinished exers, finish the projects and review for the upcoming exams eat, sleep and watch movies.

No. But really, I need to be productive this weekend. I don’t want to get a 5 or last-minute passing grade.

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It might be a terrible thought, but be prepared to lose them

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NOW WHAT?

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So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day

Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

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I'm not saying it because I'm sweet. I'm saying it because I love you now and I always have. More than you can imagine.

Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

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That's my sweetheart in there. I'm not leaving her. This is my home now. Your mother is my home.

Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook

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2013 Emoshizz away. 2014 dis izz it. Bring it on, bitch.

2013. Siguro ito 'yung year na naging pinakachallenging para sa akin. Ewan ko, sobrang daming nangyari. Hindi tulad nung mga nakaraang taon na hindi ko masyadong naramdaman kasi mga normal at usual lang ang nangyayari. 

Kasabay ng unti-unting paramdam ng pagtatapos ng taong 2013 ay unti-unti ding pagtatapos ng ilang mga bagay bagay. Mga akala, mga pangako, mga pangarap at buhay.

2013, Masaya? Oo, medyo. Pero, ang lungkot lang ng naging salubong ko sa 2014. Binalikan ko yung mga ilang panahon. 

November 20, December 25, January 1. Mga panahon na kailanma'y hindi na muli mararanasan pang maging buo 'yung pamilya namin. Kulang na. Wala na. Unang beses na i-celebrate ng 'di ka kasama. Dad, I miss you. Belated Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Dad. I love you.

Peroooooo. We should move on. I think 2014 will be good to me. A new year, a new chance to prove myself, to make my stay here worthwhile. Hindi na ako masyadong magda-drama, aayusin ko na sarili ko. Madami na akong pinagbago. Alam ko 'yun. Pero this time, mas aayusin ko na. 

Thank you 2013. Hello 2014. Bring it on, bitch! PS. Magmamataray ako ngayon hihi

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That voice

"Kung pwede lang, kung kaya lang"  Crush ko na boses niya hoho. Galing eh. Duet na daw :)

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Clingy committee

At last, the Christmas season is here, and our vacation has finally started!

Though vacation means no more classes and lab exercises, it doesn’t really mean we’re free to relax. In fact, a lot of things are coming up...The layout for the upcoming issue of microCOSSm, module for our CMSC128 lab project, and iLib, are just some of the major things I need to work on this vacation. Yeah, it’s a bit stressful—but at least it’s not as stressful as when I’m at school.

Anyway, enough about that. Let me tell you what we did tonight.

(c) Bidj

We had dinner at Jollibee (Centro) a while ago, and all I can say is—I really love being here. I love being part of the microCOSSm committee (a group that handles the organization’s activities and publishes a yearly magazine).

Anyway, our head and two of my co-committee members treated us to a bucket of chicken, large fries, and pizza. Yay! Masarap at madami, pero sulit pa rin. That dinner wasn’t just a year-ender, but also a welcome dinner for our newest member, Anj (my inaanak!)

After dinner, we went to the big Christmas tree inside the campus, took lots of pictures, and finally went home since everyone still had other things to do.

So there, we just had a super fun and full night. Teehee!

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'Coolness'

Hooray for this season's early Christmas first wave of gifts. So much coolness. Thanks guys!

A cool eye mask, a pencil pillow and a new artwork shirt!

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Make it three

Tuesdays this semester are a bit hectic. Classes start at 8 a.m., with three straight hours of boring lectures. Three consecutive hours of pretending we’re paying full attention to the discussion jk! Most of the time, we’re just doodling and daydreaming. But this Tuesday was different.

I woke up not too early, but just in time to attend my first class. The problem? My head was aching so badly, like I had a hangover even though I didn’t drink last night. So there it was, my second absence for CMSC 125. Ugh. Excuses. Fine, tamad.

My roommates, who also happen to be my classmates in that class, decided to skip too and use the time to review for our 10 am exam. And with that, I found myself hugging my pillow, debating whether I should attend my next class (the 9 am one). My logic? Since I already missed the first class, I might as well skip the next one too. Brilliant, right? HELL NO. I promised myself I wouldn’t be absent anymore!!!! But here I am, typing a post on Tumblr instead.

But don’t get me wrong! I didn’t just waste the day doing nothing. I did review before this. It’s just that I’m really feeling lazy today. I reviewed last night until 2 am, but I’m still not confident about the exam. I’m sooo sleepy.

Well, tamad na tamad na nga. Congratulations to me.  I now have a total of three absences this semester. Boohoo for that.

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Tired? Meh.

I can feel the pressure, it’s getting closer now.

There’s a lot of work I should be doing right now, but instead, I’m just lying here on my bed doing nothing.

I want to sleep. I want to eat. I want to start doing my exercises and finish my other academic stuff, but I can’t. I just can’t.

I’m stressed out and I’m tired. Sooooo tired. This week, I’ve been going to bed at 3 a.m. and waking up at 7 because my class starts at 8. Four hours of sleep and ugh, ofc eyebags. And I’m not the kind of student who sleeps in class, even when I’m very sleepy—I’ve never done that. In the end, kulang pa rin talaga ang tulog ko.

Last Thursday night, bigla kaming nagkayayaan sa square. We don’t know why, but we just felt like drinking. And again, 3 a.m. na ako nakatulog, and even though I still had a hangover, I still had to go to class. I don’t want to have any absences anymore.

Friday—the most tiring day of the week. Why? Finals na kasi ng mga bagong aplikante, and may inaanak ako doon. I was so nervous because it was my first time na maging sponsor, plus the fact that she’s the batch leader… GAWD -.- kupal na dapat. In the end, ayos naman. And I’m proud of her. Chos. Haha.

Pero pagod na pagod na pagod talaga ako. Swear. After the finals, derecho byahe na sa Caloocan. I slept for six hours but kulang pa rin. Hindi pa rin bawi sa mga puyat. Pero hinihintay na ako ng mga gawain ko. Ugh. Vacation please.

Two-page truth table. 256 Boolean terms to simplify. Drawing the circuits. Code for the testbench. Code for the shell programs. And review for the three major exams for the upcoming week. Hell. I’ll really treat myself after this. :((

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Thank you.

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Dad, let's talk please.

I lied. I cried. I can't help myself but to cry. One more fuckin' week and the sem will soon be over. But not for me, it's like my sem's just getting started. I'm a bit nervous for my remaining 6-unit results, hoping that I passed. 

I suddenly remember Dad.

I remembered that day when I was crying because I knew there was a subject I took that I was close to failing. I went home in tears because I didn’t know how I’d handle what my parents might say. But no! The result was different from what I expected.

After I told Dad about it, bracing myself for what he might say, instead of scolding me, he just hugged me and said:

"Ok lang yan 'nak, ganyan talaga minsan, tahan ka na"

I miss him. Everytime I go home, it still feels so odd. I'm still not used to this set-up. And honestly, everything's in a mess (including me). There are so many things bothering me: what, who, where, when, why, and how. And with all of those things, I just want to talk to someone.

Gusto ko lang makausap si Dad.