Ramblings of an Unqualified Minister

I am real ordained minister with absolutely no qualifications to speak of. That being said, if a bird in the hand is worth two in a bush...I will bless a chicken and wrestle it to the ground. Give me your questions and I will render onto you great and...

[ministerleo-blog]

Craigseuss

The world is a harsh place to live in. Everywhere we look, there is something unfortunate happening to an individual, a group, an animal, or an environment. It's enough to make a person bitter, angry, even depressed. Even I, a cleric of good values, have found it difficult to experience and observe the world around me and not become excessively negative. Which is why it can be strange to find people that seem to be able to overcome the negativity and do whatever they can to make even the smallest positive difference in another person's life, even when they cannot necessarily afford it.

I have a friend who does exactly this.  He gives to the poor, helps his fellow man and woman, even performs technological wonders and miracles.  I call him Craigseuss and he is a better man than I.

[ministerleo-blog]

Would you recommend any forms of meditation as a type of devotional and/or consciousness-building? Why would you choose that/those forms?

Meditation is an excellent tool to improve and better maintain personal and psychological well being. Although I cannot advocate that meditation will directly influence and possible “cure” any maladies that may affect a person, just like exercise can improve a person’s physical health over time, meditation can exercise the mind, allowing it to better cope and process the enormous amount of input that the mind is exposed to on a daily basis.

There are many kinds of meditation practices differing in many ways from beliefs, style, to the amount of money in your pocket. You should go out and try whichever is most convenient for your life. Personally, I prefer meditating on cobbler.  Berry Cobbler is the key to my soul, my existence, and my inner peace. I do not know what or where I would be without berry cobbler.  Below are three examples of the types of meditation that you can try.

Focused Attention Meditation:

Mindfulness Meditation:

Self-Inquiry Meditation:

[ministerleo-blog]

Of Covenants and Midnight Coffee

As a man of the cloth, coffee is to me what water is to a person lost in a desert. It is fuel for my soul, the peace that passes all understanding, my one and only, my prrrecioussss.

At midnight tonight, I had my morning coffee.  Not because I had just woken up, but because I was still awake and desperately needed sleep.  (In reality, my cousin would only make some if I joined her. We both have problems with caffeine addiction and misery loves company).  

For health reasons, she has opted to sweeten her coffee with Stevia.  I myself would never taint my coffee with such chemical supplements.  But in an act of mischief, my cousin dumped a packet of the foulness into my coffee, when i was distracted.  I shot a righteous glare in her direction and threatened to revoke her marital status.  She squinted back at me and said: “No takebacksies”.  

I cried out in remorse as I could not break the covenant.  “You’re lucky you are happily married...”  I countered.  

We sipped our coffee, silently in the dimly lit kitchen and I thanked god it wasn’t Splenda.

[melaninboy]

Bloop.

[damienthepious]

hey hey. ho ho. people who understand how shit trump would be for this country are near exclusively NOT the same ppl who want to turn back refugeeeeeeeeees

[reyssongs]

Well… It’s true 😬😂😂 #oldpeople #weddings #funerals #yourenext #funnies #humor

[fuckweddings]

A butterfly release gone awry & other wedding disasters

I don’t know if this will make you feel better or worse about your own wedding, but Reddit recently had a thread about wedding disasters that was highly entertaining:

The ceremony itself wasn’t that bad. But then it ended, and the minister said:

“And now, I ask each of you to reach under your chairs for the small, white envelope you will find there. Each one contains a live Monarch butterfly. We will release them into the air and let them soar free, as a symbol of the love these two have for each other.”

Everyone. Froze. Whoever had set up the area had put the envelopes ON, not under, the chairs. White envelopes. Little white envelopes, on snow-white chair seats. Open-mouthed with horror, all the guests reached down and found the envelopes. We opened them. Most were dead - squashed into bloody smears. But a good amount were just horribly maimed, these poor butterflies that had been sat on for the better part of 45 minutes. We watched in shock as these broken-assed, mangled butterflies, missing a wing or some legs or a tail, flopped onto the ground and twitched out their death agonies.

You know what they say: never work with children or animals.

[ministerleo-blog]

Minister Leo: Gaiden

The day was June 26th 2015. I was crouched in the dark corner of a room in a house that doesn’t belong to me. Things in the political world were becoming interesting and even important to me. Which is remarkable because in my almost thirty years of life politics never really mattered to me. I turned on my computer and seared my pupils with blinding LCD light.

An hour later, when I had finally recovered, I checked the latest news to findout that the United States Supreme Court had ruled in favor for marriage equality. I then watched video after video of celebrations and stories of people after so many years had finally become recognized and given the same human rights that heterosexuals had.

I am not a particularly emotional person, in fact most might say that I am quite dead inside. But after seeing so many emotional videos and that fact that the ruling affected a person in my life that I greatly admire, for the first time in a very long time, I actually started choking up inside.

Suddenly a thought occured to me, I wanted to marry people. I guess, inside, I wanted to be a part of the changes going on in the country. After talking with my friend and doing some research, I found a recognized church, filled a form, clicked submit.

The quickening was not as painful as I had imagined. My lamp flickered, my housefly fell dead (rest in peace Ralph), and because it was three in the morning, I went to sleep. But before I dozed off, I had an epiphany about the meaning of what I had just done. I realized that it was now within my power, nay, my sworn duty, to hunt and destroy vampires and other children of the night.