it's very hard being a star.

Welcome to the blog of the one Rachel Barbra Berry. A junior at William McKinley High School, and co-captain of the New Directions. I'm sure you know my talented and lovely sister, Monica.

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I don’t mean to hurt you.

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And maybe you don't, but intention doesn't change what's already happened. It's late, and we've already agreed that we don't want to talk about this anymore.

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Rach, please. I don’t want to fight with you. I’m.. I’m going to start getting really busy and I may not be around as much and to have you mad at me during all of that.. I couldn’t take it. You have to know that I need you and I’m definitely going to need you for all of this. Please don’t be mad at me. I’m just an idiot, I’m sorry. I say dumb shit, you know that. You should be used to it by now. 

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I'm not mad at you. I'm hurt, Monica. There's a difference.

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I.. I don’t think that everyone is jealous of me. I just know you. I knew you would make me feel guilty about this.. I.. Let’s just pretend that it didn’t happen, okay? We don’t have to talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. 

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You don’t know me, Monica! I don’t think you’ve known me since we returned from New York. And let’s pretend that you didn’t say I’m jealous of you? Or implied that I’m trying to make you feel guilty? Or should we pretend that you don’t think so little of me? We could have avoided this situation entirely if you had been honest with me up front. For once, I agree. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.

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Rachel, that’s not.. I don’t mean it like that. You do get jealous easy, you have to admit that at least. I just don’t want you to have any negative feelings towards me because of this. Or at all.

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That is exactly what you meant! You think that just because I've been jealous of you in the past that I'm going to be jealous of you for finding success now. You think that because Broadway is my dream that I'm going to start resenting you because I don't know how to be happy for you. Well I can assure you that that isn't the case, and you didn't need to hide anything from me in the first place. I know that this may come as some sort of shock to you, but not everyone is jealous of Monica Berry!

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I was just scared, okay? I’m sorry. I guess. I mean I am excited I just don’t want everyone to make a big deal out of it. Because you’re Rachel, that’s why.

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Because I'm Rachel? Because I'm me, you're assuming that I would be jealous of your success? I'm so glad you think so highly of me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some homework I wasn't able to finish earlier and I still need to finish preparing the setlist for Sectionals.

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Please, don’t be like that. You know that isn’t true. You’re my best friend, no matter what. I mean, yeah, I guess. I’m not going to be a star, though. You’re crazy. It’s a supporting character in a rock opera that no one is going to give two shits about unless they like Green Day. It’s hardly a break out role, Rach. Nothing to be jealous of. Nothing to be too overly excited for. 

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If we were that close, don't you think that you would have told me? This isn't about me being your best friend -- I'm your sister. Usually, people don't think Broadway shows are no big deal. Modern theater is evolving and shows featuring songs that have already been produced are becoming increasingly popular among the casual crowd. And I'm not jealous. Why would I be?

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No, we are, but like I said I thought you’d just be angry with me. Thank you, Rach. I really only auditioned to see what it was like.. I didn’t think I’d get it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I really am. It just hasn’t really hit me yet.

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I don't think we are, Monica. I don't know why you think that I would be angry with you over something that neither one of us could control. You were clearly what the casting agents and director was looking for, and I think you're going to be amazing. You're going to be a star, you know?

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I’m sorry. I’ll tell them you didn’t know. It’s been like a week, I guess.

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I had hoped we were close enough for you to share these things with me, but I suppose I was wrong. Regardless, I'm happy for you. I have no doubt that you'll do a spectacular job.

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I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to tell you. I figured you’d just storm away and pretend like it never happened anyway.

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Our fathers assumed that I was being bratty because I had absolutely no idea that my sister was going to be a part of a Broadway production, because they assumed that I was being smart with them. How long have you gone without telling me?

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Were you ever planning on telling me, Monica? Or were you going to wait for our fathers to tell me over a dinner that you so conveniently couldn't attend? I understand that you're not speaking to me but you could have given me a bit of warning before setting me up to look completely unsupportive and idiotic in front of them.