Misunderstood @minniethoughts - Tumblr Blog

I just want a partner I can enjoy this lifetime with.

I’m tired of being talked down to like I’m worthless. I was ready to walk away. Why can’t I just walk away?

Tired of all my efforts going unnoticed. Tired of not being called beautiful. One day I’ll stop caring and have the courage to walk away.

Here’s the thing…

I’m “finished” with school in a sense where I have a career. And any additional school I want to complete is to further myself in my career, but not to make more money, but just to allow myself to work in other fields in my profession.

My S/O is still in school working towards his career. But here’s the thing, he’s my boyfriend. Not my husband. And I’m not his mother.

We are adults - just two years shy away from our thirties… which DING DING DING. Means we have bills to pay. That’s the BARE MINIMUM.

Life’s not all about money, but you have to make enough money for your bills, food and gas. PERIOD. If you’re coming short every paycheck - then you work more hours. PERIOD.

I understand he’s in school, so I work a little extra and a little more so that he can finish school. BUT HERES THE CATCH. He comes short. Every. Time. And it feels like he EXPECTS me to pick up the slack.

He also coaches. Which takes up pretty much the majority of his day. He claims that it’s his dream. So I support it. But what I SHOULD NOT support, is being taken advantage of. What I SHOULD NOT support is letting him live his dream and putting mine aside because I have to work extra.

We’re at the adolescent stage in our life where we’re still figuring it out. But HE chose to move out with me. I don’t ask for much. But as an ADULT, if one chooses to move out of their parents house they are ACCEPTING THE RESPONSIBILITY of bills. Refer back to: PAYING BILLS IS THE BARE MINIMUM.

I’m tired of this BS excuse of not having money. I’m sorry. He has the choice to pick up more hours and work, but instead he chooses his dream.

I’m saying…. If you’re not done w school, and if you do not have the career choice you are going to school for yet in order to make a decent salary… then NOT HAVING MONEY IS AN EXCUSE. It is a CHOICE.

Life is about setting priorities. And I am OBVIOUSLY not a priority. So what do I do? Say my peace? Stay quiet? Bite my tongue so I could look like the bitch at the end?

No. I’m a bitch because he PUT ME IN THIS POSITION to be overworked and ANGRY.

My dream is to travel. So visit new places and try different foods and embrace myself in the different cultures in the world. I want to explore.

But I’m stuck in the same city working overtime so my significant other can live his dream as a coach.

HELP.

I’m fed up.

I’m stuck between speaking the truth and being the bigger person. One path causes chaos in my relationship. The other causes peace in my relationship - but chaos within myself.

I’m tired of being taken for granted. I’m tired of being accused of being a dream killer when THIS IS FUCKING REALITY, BRO.

I’m putting my dreams on a hold so he can have his and he doesn’t even see it.

I’m fed up. And it looks like I’m picking fights - when I’m reality.. IM JUST FED UP.

Latina and Asian moms with their sons are just too much.

I’m just not seeing the finish line here.

I don’t know if I ever want to have kids with you. I’m too afraid I’ll have to raise them on my own.

So mad. So annoyed. Glad you get to do whatever the fuck you want. But I’m fucking mad.

I just don’t think I can do this anymore.

What I’m learning more and more as an adult is that I really don’t freaking care for too many things. Apologies don’t come as easy as it used to. My thoughts are getting too loud and too strong to hold back. If I feel a certain way and someone doesn’t agree, so freaking be it.

I want to be sorry. But I’m not always sorry.

Recently I was told that my lifestyle would drag my significant other into debt. But jokes on them because ya girl can afford her own lifestyle. I love my man, but I am an independent woman. Did I mention I make almost 5k a week?

I live lavishly because I worked hard to get here and continue to work hard for a better life than the cards that were dealt to me.

It lives in me. It did yesterday, it did today and it will tomorrow. Some days it knocks on my door and reminds me of how cloudy the sky could be on such a beautiful day. Some days it smacks me in the face like a gust of wind after the rain. It follows me. It follows me like the shadow I never ask have. It looks at me straight in the face and reminds me that I will never be good enough.

And the craziest thing is… no matter how happy and successful I look on paper… I still will never be enough. For myself. For anyone. And I have to live with that.

Urg. Why do I resent you so much.

It’s hard when you love someone, but you don’t want the same things. Do you continue to love them despite your dreams… or do you leave?

I’ve been a hopeless romantic since as long as I can remember. When adults would ask “what do you want to do when you grow up?” I’d reply: “I’m going to live with my boyfriend and then get married and have a family.”

Now I’m here. I want to get married. I want to have kids… but my s/o & myself aren’t on the same page. Do you stay because love is enough? Or is love not enough anymore? But if love is enough… why not get married?

#confused #beencryingallday #biglifedecisions

A combination of being home alone on disability and of course everything else in this world is causing me to absolutely lose my mind. I’m not a homebody. As much as my body needs the rest… resting at home is just not for me.

I’m also at the age where living is expensive… to be exact, living in California is expensive. I’m not tech savvy. This world is growing too fast and I’m not moving fast enough with it.

Computers are confusing and everything is almost always now on computers. I need an adult, but that adult is me.

He kissed me on the forehead and it was like I was in love for the first time all over again — nonstop butterflies. I forgot what this has felt like.

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Misunderstood