Rytes

[minute-rytes]

Ashes 2

Sitting across the room her chest festers.. boiled.. each breath fueling her anger. After getting home seeing the mess that was the father of her children made her nearly tremble in rage. Still a mess. Nearly 24 hours.. once left in the same room she requested his keys without a word going to his car.. every step heated once in the car she found them easily. Laid on the passenger seat. Gummies. He had admitted to it but she wouldnt ask follow up questions she wanted answers herself. Observing whats missing he ate a whole 600mg gummie. Her fingertips danced along her phone. Research. Bottle to the search bar. She needed to know. The effects painted along her screen. It just made her more mad.. her jar clenched. He took this? Before watching our kids with me? After claiming he wanted to go over the work sheets? The dosage labeled extremely high and dangerous. It infuriated her. God she could feel it through her every nerve. Back inside. Gummies on her pocket she sat silent. Handing the keys before she took her seat. No explanation. None deserved. He was lucky she had t spoken.. only poison would lace her words.. she hated this. She wanted to speak! Dammit what should she say! Returning to typing she cant even look at him.. he had gotten rid of any hope he had for her. Did he know that? Did he know she was done. Her throat right as she listened.. careful… when he eyes did lift they met his. Dont look at me… thats all she thought. You ruined it. Ruined us. The anger willing him sadness. Anguish.. deer god she was infuriated..

[minute-rytes]

I know the answer.

A twist in her chest… the tension in the air think with unspoken words.. her shoulders ache from wanting to cry but not finding tears.. has she really mourned? Could she call this it. The end of a story that started over 10 years ago.. thats not it. Its not the end just the beginning of a new chapter.. one where they learn being eachothers isnt what is meant to be.. that everything they have held onto for years were failed attemps.. being with one another was a convenience. She could see that clearly now. But could he? She always believed he has been with her due to lack of desire to try and find someone else. She was easy. She drove them forward, built them their lives. Made plans. Ones he often wasnt involved in. Like now. He cries only feet away from her. And the twist in her chest only continues to turn. Whats the right thing to do? How to move forward. How to? 9 years together 3 married. A son and 2 daughters. All under the age of 2. What went wrong. She wants to move on.. shes done.. but she still cares. Why? Its not like how you should feel for a husband. More akin to a friend she feels committed to. One who couldn't live life without her. In someway a kid.. She cares for her kids. Their future relationship with him. Did her desires really matter? Being with him certainly would be easier. Though not right. Its more than that he cheated. Its everything between them now tossed in the air. And she doesn't want to parent him forever. The air still thick as she lay on her bed. Her twins at her feet. He doesn't understand. He hopes. Blind to her decision already lacing her responses. Does that mean shes made her choice? Even she doesn't know. He will know soon enough..

[minute-rytes]

Hopeless

A pulse of heat through her shaking fingertips. What to do.. go home? No she has to work. Damit. Pushing her chair back she feels the tight swell in her chest boiling over.. scream something.. anything.. she sits back thoughts running wild. How can he? If things didnt feel done before the last 3 days solidifies their fate. She cant do this. But she has to. 5 months of faking hope. Thats all she has to do. She has made it years by his side this would be nothing right? Dammit. She hates this. What to do.. she cant talk to him now. Not really. It has to wait. But what will she say? God what will she say. She knows. Drawing a line. Tell him its an official right now. They aren't together. Thats it. What if he? Gosh was that the right choice. She wants to cry- but she remembers where she is. Another careful game here. Cant risk it. She needs her job.. her breaths feel short as her heart races.. feeling it in her chest. Each thump a tick to her nerves.. her arms trembling as she holds her phone- venting? Maybe this will work. Maybe writing will help… it does sometimes.. though as her inner monolog continues the repeating concerns and worries over whelm her.. should she type anymore. Its helpless. Who to tell. Who would know? Understand? No one really knew the whole situation. Pieces and fragments.. nothing she could say could explain right now. How stuck she feels. Shes not his. Yet is shackled by his presence. But his actions. Mistakes. A burden. No way to justify- unacceptable. Her feet planted firmly looking down the spiral- it would be easier- she needs to find a way to step away. The storm settling.. she cant do anything here. It has to wait till after. A sigh still restricted from the tightness in her ribs. It hurt. The unknown felt like a plague spreading. Even her plans to leave have begun to crumble. Desperation to hold some form of order during this. She wants the control. But each pull from the other leaving burns across her hands- digging deep- her skin breaking under the rough fibers in each strand. She should just let go- it wasnt worth riding till the supposed perfect moment. Would she even survive that long. Maybe her mind isn't clear enough to make that decision now. No not clear at all. Yet she truly refused to let herself break- no matter how painful each jab felt. Even if her crown is only paper she will stand tall among her kingdoms ashes.

[minute-rytes]

Trust yourself

A breath.. trusting that she's making the right move is hard. Easy to second guess a leap of faith... a slow start... but a bright future.. faith.. that's what she needs to ensure going forward down this route is the route that's meant to happen. If she fails there's a lesson there to learn.. right? Strange concept for certain. But faith is what she needs. Not in some almighty that will guide her to truth but in herself. In her own abilities and drive. She wants this to work therefore it will.. yes it will..

[minute-rytes]

Ashes

Life is full of unknowns. Factors that can't always be accounted for ahead of time. No matter how hard you may try a plan is only most effective when made flexible enough to adapt to those variables.. at this moment it felt as though every plan she had ever carefully constructed had crumbled into pieces.. small fragments.. falling down as the warm tears trailed her cheeks... they left cool trails... what was this feeling.. despair? Hopeless? Shock? Whichever it was the hole in her chest ached.. how could he..

[minute-rytes]

JohnxWendy standing your ground

Her steps echoed in the hotel halls- it was still quiet. A twist in her gut.. she had been putting off speaking to these people for over a week. And now they are to meet with her to do a briefing before they meet with the band shortly after. Her fingertips to her temple she sighed.. it would be okay. She did her job. Did what was best for them- even if the label didnt agree.. finelly to the door of the hotels conference room.. she pushed it open- the weight of it brushing the carpet below.. with one step she was in her eyes falling to a pair of familiar faces. Not familiar face she wanted to see, ones she has never spoken to before... it was 2 big executives above even who communicated with her regularly.. the pit in her stomach grew heavier as she forced a professional greeting and smile. "Im honored to finelly get to meet you both, Im surprised to see you both here" she spoke as she found a seat across from them.. suddenly feeling the tension. Just behind the smile her nerves stirred suddenly feeling very small..

One of the men didn’t bother returning her smile... His eyes sharp and unimpressed.. “Let’s skip the niceties, Ms. Cole.” he said flatly. “You’ve made quite the mess of things.”

The other-older- leaned back in his chair.. voice smoother but laced with disdain. “Do you realizebwhat it means when you cancel scheduled shows without approval? That wasnt your choice to make.. That’s revenue.. press.. and exposure.. all gone because you felt the band needed… what would you call it? Breathing room?” He almost laughed at the word- shaking his head..

Her throat tightened, but she forced herself to hold their gaze. That pit in her stomach growing.. god this was bad.. had she really overstepped too far.. no.. she was just advocating for them.. her lips straightened but were pursed together as she listened...

“And that’s not the only problem,” the first one snapped. He reached into a folder, sliding a glossy tabloid magazine across the polished table. The headline screamed louder than he did: Wild Boys Bassist Finds Love in the Arms of Their Manager. The photo... showed her on that dance floor Johns touch all over her... dammit... she knew they had to of seen it.. she had no good excuse or reasoning for that one..

The younger executive’s lip curled. “Dont even get me started on the interview from last night.. You’ve compromised your position. Fraternizing with a band member? Cancelling profitable shows? Tell me, Ms. Cole" he spoke daggers in his eyes. "-are you here to manage their careers, or warm their beds?"

The words cut deep.. each one intended to make her shrink smaller and smaller... The pit in her stomach turned.... Their voices filled the sterile conference room... cold and calculated... talking to her like she was nothing... this was the opportunity of a life time.. had she really been soft..

“We don’t need managers who coddle talent. We need results. The Wild Boys were supposed to be bigger by now. And instead of pushing them forward, you’ve been pulling them back. Effective immediately, your position is under review.”

At the words her eyes narrow. Brows furrowed.. something changed her gaze hardeninv.. under review?! She had successfully managed every aspect of them.. cleaning messes and learning them.. being a representative of them.. its wasnt coddling.. no.. it was ensuring they would stay their path.. grow atvtheir pace without tearing them apart... it takes a moment but when she speaks its cold. Stern. "Pulling them back? No I have only ensured that with the interest of them lasting that they dont overwhelm their schedules and burn out." She stands. She wont let them make her feel small. "You act like you dont know why they split up last time. It was because you had their management pushing them beyond whats possible-and you saw what happened there was almost no more Wild Boys."

The younger executive’s jaw tensed, but he kept his smirk. “Burnout is a weak excuse. Plenty of artists push harder, longer. You think fans care about rest? They care about presence, tours, and money in their pockets. Your job is to make sure the machine keeps moving.”

Strong she spoke cutting across the table before he could continue. “And what happens when the machine breaks? When you dont have a band to put on.. what’s left to sell then?” She stepped away from her chair.. “They’re not machines. They’re human beings... "

The older executive narrowed his eyes, tone dripping with warning. “Careful, Ms. Cole. You’re speaking to the people who own their future and yours....”

Her chin lifted, gaze sharp and unyielding. “No. you’re speaking to a person who actually owns her own future. The only reason there’s still a Wild Boys at all is because someone finally put their health before your greed. And if that makes me expendable in your eyes, so be it. But don’t you confuse restraint with weakness.” For the first time since she’d entered the room, the silence belonged to her.... The silence hung for only a heartbeat before the younger exec shot to his feet, chair scraping hard against the floor. His voice thundered across the room, stripped of polish. “Enough! You think you can lecture us on this industry? You’re a child playing dress up in a job that was too big for you from the start!” His hand slammed down on the table, rattling the magazine that still bore her name in bold print. “You don’t get to decide what’s best for the band. We do.”

The older one followed..brising with a glare that could cut glass.... His composure cracked... fury bleeding through every word. “You’re finished here, Ms. Cole. Effective immediately, you’re relieved of your duties. Security will have your things packed by tonight . you’ll be on the first flight home tomorrow morning. Consider yourself lucky we don’t drag your name through the mud in the press to match that little scandal you’ve already stirred up.”

The younger leaned across the table, eyes narrowed into slits. “You’ve wasted our time, wasted our money, and we wont allow it anymore..you're fired."

The final word rang sharp and final, leaving nothing but the thump of her heart in her chest.. dammit... but there was nothing more to say.. heated she nodded security guiding her out. By now the boys were probally already waiting for her to arrive to the second conference room.. she felt sick not being the one to tell them.. but she knew they would know any second now...

The room sat quiet.. the meeting was set to start nearly 10 minutes prior.. but finelly the door pushed open as 2 executive’s walk in.. they found the side ofbthe table across from the band the older one sitting as the younger speaks- casually- "Good Morning boys, now that everyone's here we can start"

[minute-rytes]

Balance III cursed power

Fingertips across the sand as her lashes met her cheek.. darkness consuming her senses.. a flicker behind her eyelids before the hum excaped her lips.. followed by a long smooth breath... her lips parted just barely as if she was breathing the demands.. she could feel the vibration of each cobalt stone meer inches under the sand. They sang songs to her.. a language foreign yet she felt fluent.. with a weighted breath she pulled her lips together- her eyes flipping open, those blue hued eyes had lighted, they almost seemed to glow. Rising to her feet her hands lifted from the sands surface- never breaking its pose- it was followed by 6 bright blue stones each emerging from the sand and levitating in the air only inches from her fingertips.. her eyes looked around to those who stood in her way... a broil of anger and grief filled her chest.. hating them.. for what they did.. how could they.. they had stolen both of them from her.. all of them from her.. looking amoung the crowd there were men and woman alike- all wearing the same strange casual clothes. All thrown together from pieces brought from all the countries and cultures.. and just like the disarray of the fabrics their gazes seemed uncertain looking around at eachother.. uncertain how to apoach.. but she didnt wait.. lifting her hand she moved her hands palms up on either side of her.. the 6 stones split 3 now circling over each open palm, their speed increasing as her stance lowered a touch- wider.. ready. Her eyes flicked brighter as her body began to twist to move her hands spinning as around the stones water condensed and engulfed them creating a wave of water which she flushed over the onlookers.. when they had seen the shift many of them tried to react, some reaching for their own elemental tools but none fast enough.. the 15 body's not badly injured fell prone.. meanwhile she stood tall her words level.. meant to reach those still coherent..

[minute-rytes]

JohnxWendy your not supposed to see this

Gawd the walk there felt longer than ever before! Her door seemingly larger too! Suddenly ominous in ways she never thought before! Revealing the space her eyes fell on the pile of stuffed creatures and pillows! The room that at one time had been her daily comfort now the tool in her composurers demise! Catching his smile! Hear it goes! Her spine stuff watching him claim the space! Even though he stood out like a sore thumb he entangled himself in the scene.. her eyes stuck on him.. his eyes in hers.. everything he said a tease! There was no excuse she could use! The bright princess styled room now a memory he will keep.. watching the familiar bear in his grasp Suddenly made her nerves spike! Watching the soft plush on the rough edged rockstar layed across her bed... gosh a sight she never thought she would see- or enjoy seeing.. at the bears gesture though- she did step in-"ah-um yeah- Im coming.." her walk bringing herself to the the bed- her eyes wandered a bit- looking for other things that will prove to embarrass her! But everything seems like a distant blurr right now.. everything but hus every detail.. Finally bringing her eyes to his again as her feet hit the bed skirt.. she spoke a small attempt at justification- "I-I um havent lived here sense high school- so I-" gosh she sounded ridiculous.. empty effort to attempt to wash away atleast her current shame for the embarrassing room.. her eyes still in his.. it was aparent she was nothing but putty in his hands…

[minute-rytes]

JohnxWendy his luck

Maybe she was overthinking it. It wouldn't be beyond herself too.. thinking back she had a tendency to drag him around almost through her ideas.. the quiet fester of thought ceased though at his touch.. a reassurance through one small gesture.. a breath.. before his words even came she knew it meant it was okay. Remember.. it was about them being together- the feelings mutual.. his words only reinforced that thought.. his sweet words bringing her smile back to life before pulling it loose at the seams.. that suggestion running hot across her skin... Wandering closer- enough to spark the memories of ghosts.. his words leaning in, painting pictures she wanted to see.. each magnetic touch electric! Before he pulls away! Again! As if he hadn't just sparked a wildfire of thoughts and desires.. he was right.. he was lucky.. lucky she was driving.. that red still across her skin her eyes look over her head not turning. "I agree~ you're pretty lucky" a smile pulling her lips thinner.. goodness what would she do with him~

[minute-rytes]

JohnxWendy What was Wrong

Her eyes watched his.. something was wrong.. very wrong.. the way he stuttered coughing.. what had it been?? what was it with the Waiter? was it just this guy in particular?? when he finally walked from their table her lips parted again but again before she could speak he rushed to his feet- Her eyes following- "ah- um okay- just let me know if you're okay?-" she managed to mutter the words to him before he completely escaped.. now alone at the table her nerves came to the surface.... a tap of her fingers on her thigh as she looked around.. taking her glass and taking a large sip- one making her wince just a bit- she really wasnt good at drinking but in moment like these she wished it gave her more comfort. she reached grabbing a roll and slowly picking pieces off and eating them... as if the bread and butter would help- maybe they should go.. how does she know hes okay in there.. the worst case senario theres a large wolf in the mens room, and theres water raining from a broken pipe he somehow caused... goodness her imagination wild.. finishing 2 rolls nervously she peaks at her phone- just to keep track of how long hes gone..

[minute-rytes]

JohnxWendy Finally us

Each trailing finger down her back pulling her in.. nerves sparking under his touch.. obsessed.. it felt easy.. natural.. a crazy set of circumstances leading to now.. ones that sometimes made it feel like they were being torn apart.. but now.. him against her.. god she loved it.. the soft sounds he made.. drawing out her own happy humm against his lips.. it felt secure.. in a way that allowed her to not hold back.. not to let her mind overtaking what was so clearly perfect.. she held him tighter.. her fingers slid to the back of his neck- just barely into his locks-curling into them.. the feeling in her chest continued to build.. no games.. no confusion.. just them.. now.. like coming up for air- her lips from his- their foreheads meet.. no words needed. her breath brushed against his lips. A pause.. a moment to just enjoy being here.. with him.. a quiet space carved out of chaos. Locked away from the world that constantly complicated everything.. no show.. no band.. no label.. no snow.. just them..

[minute-rytes]

KxM Conversations meant for another night.

Unspoken words.. does she know what they are? Unable to know what it is that lingers on the tip of ones tounge. Irrational thoughts and emotions that plague her own sense.. lost in the design between each cluster on the textured cieling.. hmm. Honestly is a value cherished amoung them. But why did she feel she hadn't found that truth yet... everything that was said was true, yet blind spots remained in every pause... was it just nerves? Even she was confused.. obsession? No maybe infatuation? A phase hopefully.. but the thought of that familiar pattern repeating hurt.... close to someone yet the bond was so young. Untested.. would it make it another month? Years? She hoped-yet. What would happen when she's ready for that next step. Would he be okay with it? Still be her friend? Hmm... that unspoken thing behind them.. a strange one.. infatuated sure. But they would never really work. If it came to that their friendship would surely end.. the nerves in her chest.. bubbling just under the skin... unease.. axious.. love... maybe that's why it makes her feel unwell... a feeling that can be complicated between friends of opposing gender.. foolish really... a trick.. no, just as they have both discussed that natural tension was instinctual.. something programed into their biology.. yet knowing that.. her thoughts wondered.. why fret over something that was and never could be a possibility... she was attached, cared for him. But friendship was all it could ever be. It was... well.. better this way. Right? Yes. Right.

[minute-rytes]

Anytime...

To say goodbye. The feeling makes my chest tight. My throat feels narrow, and my eyes feel full. Anytime now.. anytime... what will happen when hes gone. In a way he already is, so while some things have already changed with his absence there is an undeniable hole that he will leave behind. It feels slow.. agonizingly slow.. Anytime... an axious prediction. What can one do to prepare? Can you even attempt? I'm scared. I don't want to say it. I don't want to have to tell people hes gone. He's always been so strong. A silent support who didn't have to ask questions to place faith in me. To believe in me. As everyone else he is flawed. But yet he remains my greatest role model to Concoar lifes seemingly impossible battles.. Anytime.. when will the phone ring. When will the text sound. Will I be home? Will it be a scream from my mother's lips that alerts me? Or will I be there.. to see the last breath.. what will it be like.. will I see him lifeless.. cold.. so cold.. his hands will look the same though. I will look at those. The strong hands that have supported us and built amazing things from nothing. Creativity at its finest. Maybe not with a pen and paper but in the intuitive mind of someone who knew how to use what they had.. someone who found joys in the small things. Maybe not the most ambitious, but content. Loved with his whole heart and put us first. I got to see him grow. To overcome things many could never. A stubborn nature I admire. Someone I could call to help me anytime I needed him.. Anytime... even though he decided to stop fighting, I cant help but remain proud. He was no coward. He faught tooth and nail for 3 years. Did things he hated if it meant there was hope for more time. Anytime... I'm okay that he stopped fighting, because I know that if he thought there was anyway for him to win that he would have taken it.. its not his fault that he was fighting a loosing battle.. no shame in loosing when you fought to win as hard as he had.. I hope I would have that same strength.. Dad.. I love you, respect you, look up to you, and I just hope that you aren't in pain, that this last week you were at peace as the people who love you came and visited. Laughed and cried by your side. I hope you heard it. I hope you knew how many people loved you, cared for you. And I promise your grandkids will know you, respect you, and Love you. Stories of you will keep you alive and amoung us.. with me.. I am afraid, sad, but more than that I'm lucky, lucky I had you there for me anytime I needed it.. Anytime... Anytime now you will finelly find the peace and get the chance to visit all others that have been lost through time. And I hope you get to visit your own Dad, and know that I will visit you when my time comes too. Though it will be a while. I plan to make it another 75 years.. my heart aches when I think of how long that is, how long I will have to wait to hear your voice again. A whole other life time of yours would fit in that time.. but I cant rush to you, my journey is a long one and I need to make it happen, you always held me to what I manifested. Always placed faith in my plans and goals. And I'm lucky I had a father like you. Someone who believed in me. But stayed realistic. I wasn't a perfect daughter, but you never made me feel like I wasn't.. I love you Dad, love you more than I could ever put into words.. and I miss you.. I miss your good days. But am happy your bad days are soon to end, Anytime now...

[minute-rytes]

Cracks carefully held together by minimal support.. all you could hope for.. that ache screamed in her chest.. god she was dumb.. someone else. Something else.. she felt so insignificant.. only worth her best days. But right now she was again her worst. Why had she gotten so attached.. it was pitiful. She knew better. Desperate. She had probally come off as some desperate loser. She misunderstood. A one sided feeling. She should be used to it. Seeing it reflecting on everything. Part of her knowing she was wrong. Yet leaning into that despair was temptation at its finest. She had to seem ridiculous, 4 months, just over. 500 pages that will now sit. She would still print it for herself one day, even if just for her own eyes.. god she had to seem ridiculous. What a sad ending. And empty one.. why didn't she explain. Why had she ghosted her? It felt like a heartless act.. the tears fell down her cheeks.. comforter pulled tight. She was alone. There was an irrational fear fueling those tears.. would everyone leave her? Would everyone eventually see the side of her that drove others away from her silently? Whether to silently block her or silently betray that loyalty. She truly was a fool. She cared too much. And it hurt. How could she prevent this? Was there anything? The cold evening snipped at her feet.. her knee aching.. tears falling... she didnt want to find the drive to be positive right now. Can't she wallow? Even for a minute? She never let it fester. Even she didn't know why that was.