I am a beacon of sin calling all my ryland lovers.
Title: Eridian Interruption.
Pairing: Heavily Implied - Ryland Grace x Reader.
Rating: T. ( Suggestive content. )
Words: 1.8 K.
Summary: You and Ryland are putting up Rocky's enclosure together.
Ryland Grace Masterlist.
The xenonite slab was… heavier than it looked. You knew it was going to be a tough job, and the moment you tried to lift it alone, your arms quivered, your back protested and a tiny sweat slid down your temple. The slab was almost frosted yet translucent, looking deceptively fragile, but in order to keep Rocky’s atmosphere in, it had the density and unyielding weight of a collapsed star.
“Ugh… C’mon…” You muttered, re-adjusting your grip for what felt like the thousandth time. Due to perspiration, your fingers slipped. Not once, but twice, and the slab wobbled rather dangerously off the ground, the very edge scraping against the floor with a grating screech.
“Here --- Stop before you pull something in your back.” Ryland said his jaw slightly sharp as you had been pretty adamant to not ask him for help during this entire building experience. “Trust me, back issues are no joke.”
Ryland’s voice was a low command, and before you could form a protesting thought, he was there. Behind you. Pressed behind you. You tensed as his broad chest hit your back, a solid wall of heat now trailing up and down your spine. The worn fabric of one of his punny t-shirts and your mission shirt did very little to quash the warmth that seeped directly onto your skin.
His hands, larger and slightly calloused now due to tedious work aboard the Hail Mary completely enveloped yours and with one sharp movement that caused a tiny gasp to heave from your mouth, Ryland was taking the brunt weight with such ease that it made your own struggle feel a bit… Foolish.
The xenonite suddenly felt like a feather in contrast to your pulse that was now beating heavily in your chest, hitting against your poor ribcage like a drum. His body molded perfectly to yours. From the solid hold of his thighs against the back of yours, to the way that his hips cradled against yours. You were completely unable to move away, even if you wanted to, trapped in the circle of his arms and the air suddenly grew very hot and thick.
“You got it?” He murmured, voice a low rumble that vibrated through his chest and directly into your ear. His breath was hot against the sensitive skin of your jugular, stirring the fine hairs there and making them stand up.
“Almost…” Your voice was quiet, the words barely even audible above the hum of the ship. Knuckles were white where you gripped the slab, and all focus you had shattered as if you had dropped the piece. You were acutely aware of every point of what felt like intended contact. The very firm line of Ryland’s broad chest, the harder muscles of his taut abdomen and the shifting pressure of his body against yours as he adjusted his stance.
Your stomach felt like a twisted, hot knot, knees threatening to give out under your weight.
“Let me help you.”
There was something more to the scientist’s words now. They were rough. And while you didn't ask for his help in the first place, it felt very much needed as he leaned in closer, the angle of his body changing and pressing more adamantly against you. He guided your hands, fingers tracing over yours, thumb delicately holding onto the pulse point on your wrist as if to make sure you were just as flustered as he was. It felt like he wasn’t just helping, he was mapping out your skin with the tips of his fingers.
The slab finally clicked into place with a soft, resonant ‘swoosh’, but the sickening way your chest clenched hadn’t lifted, it intensified as Ryland had yet to pull away once the job was complete. The dormitory, the slabs for Rocky’s habitat, the ship itself all dissolved into a meaningless nothing. There was only the solid body behind you and the scent of clean sweat and something so uniquely Ryland filling your lungs causing your heart to pound desperately.
“You okay?” Ryland asked, his lips so close to you that you felt the movement more than you heard it. The sound was against your skin so determinally that it caused a shiver to run down your spine.
“Y-yeah…”
You managed to squeak out, the sound coming out disgustingly shaky. You could feel the curve of your shoulder slot against his perfectly as you straightened up. Every instinct screamed at you to pull away, what with the mission and the entirety of Earth and Erid at stake, but every nerve ending screamed in response to lean against him, melt and to see what would happen if you both gave into temptation.
Then it happened.
Ryland shifted, ever so slightly and drew your fingers into his before they landed on the xenonite slab you had just affixed it into place. You hated that you were unable to see his face save for the trace reflections in the xenonite itself, but that seemed such a minute point as he rolled his hips forward slightly, a subtle test against your lower back that made you gasp, hitching low in your throat. Your eyes fluttered shut and you tilted your head back against his hard shoulder, mouth propping open.
Ryland’s hands, still covering yours, stroked a slow and maddening circle against the back of yours. It’s like he was waiting, testing some imaginary boundary you two had put up and the air between you seemed to crackle with electricity so fine, it was almost painful to breathe.
You were so close… So close to just saying his name and giving in completely….
“What Grace, (Last Name) doing, question?”
The computerized voice shattered the moment like you both had physically been hit. You flinched so hard, muttering something under your breath to the effect of ‘Oh my god, Rocky!’ and almost stumbled face first over the xenonite slabs that had been placed.
“Oi!” Ryland jerked back, dear lord he had never moved so quickly in his life. His hands flew off yours as if they were burned, stumbling a step backwards, his foot catching on the floor with a loud ‘thud’. He nearly went down, to both of your horrors, but with pinwheeling his arms, he managed to regain balance.
The blonde shared a look with you. Pure, unadulterated panic.
When did Rocky even get here? Ryland thought and looked over at the Eridian, safely inside of the hamster ball. Had you two been so lost in the moment that you hadn’t heard the very loud and very annoying banging of the ball against the metallic floor? How long had he been standing there, watching?!
Ryland was a mess, “We’re uh… He.. Hey. We’re putting your cage together.” He stammered, voice cracking on the last word. Eye contact was lost. He wasn’t looking at you, he wasn’t looking at Rocky as a hand came and landed on the back of his neck, rubbing the skin hard. There was a deep almost blotchy red creeping up his neck and against his cheeks. He seemed awfully fascinated in a corner of the room, refusing to look at anyone.
“No understand.”
“Your habitat.” You added in quickly, almost half-gasping with your own face a lovely shade of pink. The way you spun around made you dizzy as you bent down to fumble a bit with the toolkit on the ground, trying to not trip yourself in the process. A wrench seemed like a good distraction. You played with it in your hands.
“It’s almost done!” This project didn't even call for a wrench. You groaned internally.
Rocky just stood there for a moment before he tilted his carapace towards the in-progress wall.
“Piece is in wrong place.”
“Which piece?!” Ryland’s voice came out as a yelp, the question almost sounding like a straight out squawk. You forced yourself not to laugh, watching as he pulled his shoulders in, suddenly defensive and shy as if he didn't have you pinned just minutes before.
“Piece here.”
Rocky pointed with one of claws, completely oblivious to the nuclear-level awkwardness he had just triggered by coming into the room.
“Should be over there.” He pointed away with another claw.
Ryland groaned loudly. “Right.” His voice was still unnaturally high. He cleared his throat, trying for a lower tone. “Right. This piece. Let’s uh… Let’s… Get this piece…” The scientist scrambled, reaching down for a tool - a sonic hammer instead of one of the Eridian tools to actually get the job done and nearly dropped it straight onto his foot.
“Let me help you.”
You both froze.
Why did I say that?! You screamed inside of your head, going to grab the correct tool but in the process your hand bumped against Ryland as he had already corrected and was reaching for the same thing.
Contact.
Then you were both snatching your hands away, Ryland flexing his fingers and you holding yours to your chest.
“S-Sorry.” Your cheeks felt so painfully red.
“No, m-my fault.” He uttered softly, his gaze looking off to the side with a small huff.
Rocky moved, impatience clearly written as he said, “Grace working, question?”
“YES! WORKING!” He said a bit too loudly, his voice cracking uncontrollably as you leered at him, wide eyed. He finally managed to get his eyes to look at his hands and forced them to work as if they were the only things left in the room.
Your own heart was leaping into your throat, the ghosting sensation of his body against yours still lingering on your skin. You watched Ryland. He was so… confident moments ago that now seeing him back to his flustered, awkward self was… Endearing. You bit your bottom lip and crouched down beside him, pretending to be enthralled with the wrench you had picked up earlier.
Ryland’s broad shoulders were still tense, his jaw tightening and loosening as he was gritting his teeth in contemplation of what to really do. Obviously, finishing up Rocky’s habitat before the Eridian caused a stink ( worse than a 12 year old sometimes, Ryland swears ) but he wanted to know what to do with the information he had gotten earlier. From that little…….. Moment.
There’s a slight flicker of softness in his expression with his blue eyes settling in yours for the first time since the panic. “Here,” You said quietly, pointing at the seam of xenonite that connected two pieces together, “I think that small piece goes here.” Just briefly, your fingers brushed his as you instructed him. And for a second, the space around the two of you felt suspended. It was just you, Ryland and the hum of the ship around you.
“Grace, (Last Name) close proximity again."
You both moved away, Ryland nearly slamming himself against the half-built xenonite wall and you clutching the wrench to your chest like you had missed it all your life.
"ROCKY!"
"WE'RE WORKING!" You blurted out without thinking, the Eridian in the room seeming satisfied as you stayed true to your words and began moving again, shoulders bumping against one another. But this time, neither of you wanted to pull away.
Summary: On the way to Erid, Rocky convinces Ryland to confess his feelings to you.
Word Count: 4.1k
A/N: This is my love letter to a beautiful and visually stunning movie. I can’t stress enough that science is not my forte at all, though, so please forgive any inaccuracies🧍♀️
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You had never meant to become one of the most important people in the world. Then again, you had also never imagined that you would be coerced into going on a suicide mission before. But it was the most important cause you could possibly devote your life to as the tertiary engineer on the Hail Mary, brought onboard at the last minute. Along with Dr. Ryland Grace, you were supposed to save humanity from the threat of Astrophage causing the sun to dim.
Back on Earth, a million lifetimes ago, you had been his assistant. The only one he trusted to be in the room with him as he made one of the most important discoveries on the planet. In a matter of weeks, Ryland had taught you all he knew about the alien life form. With your varied credentials, the two of you had been among the few most qualified people in the world to go on this mission. And now here you were.
Outside the safe confines of the Hail Mary was the cold, unforgiving vacuum of space. Even though you had gotten used to it over time, nothing could deter you from considering it even more beautiful up close. Just as you thought Ryland was beautiful, too.
Throughout your journey, you had found almost every waking moment of your existence occupied with thoughts of him. Ever since the two of you had woken up from your comas and he’d found out that you were still alive too, Ryland was there for you, always catering to your needs. For better or worse, he had been protective of you, even when his memories had been gone. He almost never let you out of his sight, if he could help it.
At first it had been a major nuisance to you. But in the end, you got used to it and slowly found it to be a constant comfort amid the uncertainty of your mission. You had come to the conclusion that some company was better than none. Besides, the two of you were the only ones who had survived the long journey into space.
And then you met Rocky. He had upended your entire worldview the more you got to know him. The three of you had embarked on a wild adventure, a race against time to save both Earth and Erid. But now it was all over. Your findings were on their way back to Earth, since you could never return there yourselves.
These thoughts occupied your mind as you performed a routine status check on the Hail Mary, exactly the way you had been trained to do. As the top expert in your field, you were there to make sure that the technology on the ship always worked properly. If anything broke down, you were the last resort; the last line of defense to fix it.
“Systems check complete,” the ship’s computer announced.
You scrolled through the wealth of available information one more time for good measure. You were no pilot, but you and Ryland had agreed to take turns ensuring that the Hail Mary continued on its current trajectory through space. It was one more reason to be grateful that both of you had survived the trip, let alone made it this far.
You had set a course for Erid several weeks ago. Thanks to the Hail Mary’s meticulously thought-out system and unfettered access to the entire span of human knowledge, you were still able to keep track of how much time had passed by. This would be the final stage of your journey, and unlike every other instance of your discoveries thus far, it would go undocumented.
When you were convinced that all was well with the ship’s navigation, you decided to go looking for your crewmates. The pair in question was never far away, spending most of their time in the laboratory. And soon enough, their voices drifted over to you in the relatively small space. It was impossible for you to tune out the specific nature of their conversation, especially when one particular sentence caught your attention.
“Grace want mate.”
Your skin started to heat as the words sank in. Words that had clearly not been meant for your ears.
Despite sharing almost everything else with you, Ryland had never shared much about his romantic history. The topic had only come up in passing before. It was something you had secretly thought about from time to time, though, the sudden desire for romance hitting you most often when the ship’s night cycle was active. Luckily, you weren’t alone, and you were far from lonely.
You inched forward just in time to catch Ryland’s reply.
“Nope; that’s not what I said.”
“Grace want mate,” Rocky repeated. “Have mate on ship.”
Your jaw dropped. Surely the software that allowed you and Ryland to communicate with Rocky had mistranslated what he was trying to convey. It was an occurrence that rarely happened, but there was always the possibility of an error. It was bound to be true of any sort of technology.
But deep down, you knew better. There was no translation error. Rocky was trying to set you up with Ryland.
He reached the conclusion at the same time. “Wait; you mean Y/N?”
It might have been your imagination, but there was a note of fondness to his voice this time around; far more so than when he usually spoke to you.
“Yes.” The enthusiastic affirmation caught you off guard. “You say Y/N name when you sleep. This happen many times.”
“Uh, no, no; that doesn’t mean anything. That’s just my brain–“
“Do not deny.”
There was a beat of silence. And then…
“Okay, you got me. Yeah, I like her, but I…I can’t tell her.” Ryland’s voice was slightly lowered, as if he knew that you were nearby and listening in on the conversation.
“Why not, question?”
“Because I, because she…” He groaned in frustration. You could imagine him running his hands through his dirty blonde hair, causing several strands to temporarily stand on end. The image brought a smile to your face. “Look; it’s complicated. Human relationships are complicated. There’s a lot of emotion involved, and it’s just…messy.”
“No, is simple. Grace tell Y/N how Grace feel.”
You wondered why Ryland had chosen to keep his true feelings from you. Up until that point, you had told each other practically everything. There was no reason to have any secrets when you spent nearly every waking moment together.
Before the conversation could venture any further, you entered the bridge of the ship.
“Systems check looks good, and we’re still on course,” you said cheerily. Then you looked around, taking in the scene before you. “Um, what’s going on here?”
Ryland looked up from his position sitting on the ship’s floor. His blue eyes were wide at first behind his thin-framed glasses, almost giving him the impression of guilt. Eventually, though, a smile crossed his face when he saw you. Any trace of awkwardness that might have lingered from his previous conversation vanished completely.
“It’s a party. Come celebrate with us.”
“What are we celebrating?” you wondered. You could think of any number of things that might qualify.
The answer turned out to be simple, yet all-encompassing. “Life.”
Ryland held up a party hat in your general direction.
“Yeah, okay.” After a moment of slight hesitation, you stepped forward and accepted the offering.
“Happy happy happy,” said Rocky as you and Ryland drew closer to each other.
Ryland kept his focus on you as you took your seat next to him on the floor of the ship. Normally you wouldn’t mind the kind, calm scrutiny behind his gaze. But now it bothered you, knowing that there was something he wasn’t telling you. Something he wanted to say. And you wanted it out in the open.
“Something you wanna tell me, Ryland?” You couldn’t help it if there was a bit of a challenge in your voice. The overheard conversation had made you bold.
He averted his eyes. “Shoot. How much did you hear?”
“I heard enough.”
Recognizing the perfect moment, Rocky moved closer to the two of you. “Grace Y/N mate, question?”
Heat rose to your face at the unexpected interruption. “Um…what? No. Where did you get that idea?”
You sent Ryland an accusatory glance. From what you had overheard, he was the one behind this situation in the first place. It gave you a small amount of gratification to see that his cheeks were flushed.
“Observation of human behavior.”
“I told you; we’re not mates,” Ryland protested, stumbling a little on the last word.
“I mean…” you hesitated for a moment. It was a risk, but you had to take it. “We could talk about it. If that’s okay with you, Ryland.”
You had ultimately decided that it would be best to just get the awkward conversation over with; it was clearly necessary, too.
Ryland must’ve had the same train of thought running through his mind. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great.” He leaned towards Rocky’s protective xenonite container as if he didn’t have a care in the world. “Hey, Rocky. Y/N and I are gonna need about 300 seconds to be alone, okay?” He lowered his voice in confidence. “Privacy. Human thing.”
“Yes. Privacy. Understand.”
With that, Rocky went back to his designated area of the ship. You glanced in the direction he had disappeared off to. No matter where he went, he would be able to overhear your conversation with Ryland, a thought that sent heat rising to the surface of your skin. At least you had a modicum of privacy to talk now.
“I do…I mean, I, um, have something I want to tell you,” Ryland announced. The words suddenly spilled from his mouth, as if they had been dying to be released. “I can’t say I’ve been obvious about it, but…I like you.”
It was a good start, despite how juvenile it sounded. But it wasn’t enough. “You like me?” you prompted.
“Come on, Y/N, you know what I mean. I have feelings for you.” He let out a small laugh. “There. Is that better?”
He blurted out sentence after sentence, almost too fast for you to fully process. And then it slowly sunk in. Having been presented with the perfect opportunity, Ryland had taken Rocky’s bold advice to heart.
“Since when did you have feelings for me?” you asked, keeping your voice light and almost playful.
“To be honest? Since we woke up.” He took a moment to think it over, seeming to change his mind. “Actually…no. A long time before that.”
A long time before that? But that meant…
Oh. Oh.
A silence filled the air as he waited for your response. And then you decided to put his mind at ease. “Well, I like you too, Ryland.”
It was true. You had liked him from the start, at least to a strictly professional degree. But all of his quirks and the constant array of corny jokes made it hard not to fall for the man. He was exactly your type.
And somewhere along the way, you had fallen for him, hard. There was no denying it any longer, now that you knew your feelings were reciprocated. Both of you had very little in the way of romantic experience, but you could find ways of working around it. You could move forward together at your own pace.
Your attention shifted back to Ryland, who was staring at you in disbelief. Before he could give you a reply, there was something else on your mind that needed to be said. “I can’t believe you waited so long to tell me.”
Of course, there was the obvious reason why he’d stayed silent all this time. The mission had been too important to even bother with anything else. You and Ryland couldn’t be anything beyond colleagues. Not when you had two planets whose survival hung in the balance, depending entirely upon your efforts to save them. But there was clearly something else that had held him back from confessing his true feelings.
“Yeah, well, you know me,” he said with a shrug. “Not the bravest guy in the world.”
“You are brave, though,” you countered, pouring every last bit of sincerity into your words. “And that’s exactly why I like you.”
You looked into his eyes, recognizing that it was your turn to be brave. Slow movements brought you closer towards each other, until his lips finally brushed against yours. It was a whisper of a touch that you blamed on your mutual inexperience.
Ryland shifted slightly, tilting his head at a different angle. And when both of you were comfortable, he deepened the kiss. The longer your lips met, the more you felt like you were floating; it was as if the ship’s gravity had been turned off.
When you pulled apart for air, you took in the sight of him, wanting to memorize it like never before. He reached up and adjusted his glasses, which had become crooked in the midst of your kiss. Your eyes darted to his lips again as they curved into a smile.
“Wow,” he said. “That was…”
“Yeah.”
Your mind drifted back to the relentless teasing from the entire team behind Project Hail Mary in the beginning, long before the mission had even begun. There should have been no shame in wanting to indulge in romance, considering the imminent disaster. Yet at the time you had been remarkably embarrassed by all of their insinuations…because deep down you knew that they were right. Ryland was the one you wanted.
“You know,” you mused, “I remember how hard they were rooting for us, back on Earth.”
Ryland’s cheeks flushed. He remembered it all now, too, crystal clear. “Yeah, I guess they knew the whole time.”
This prompted a light laugh from you at the absurdity of it all. Then Ryland joined in, his laughter mingling with yours. It was one of the most beautiful sounds you had ever heard.
“We’re a couple of idiots, aren’t we?” he asked when your laughter had dissipated.
“Yes. Grace Y/N hide feelings. Grace Y/N bad at saying truth. Rocky help.”
You turned to find Rocky observing you from his protective xenonite container. He had come back in the allotted time frame, as expected. A string of familiar, high-pitched notes burst from him; he was laughing, too. And this time, it wasn’t his attempt to imitate you.
“Well, bud,” Ryland said. “You were right. Guess I owe you one.”
“Yeah,” you added. “Turns out we like each other.”
You moved closer to Ryland, gaze focused on his lips. Sensing your intentions, he pulled you in for another kiss. It was like the two of you had entered into your own world, far apart from everything else. Except it was no longer just the two of you.
“Grace Y/N mate. Happy happy happy.”
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
Ryland’s hands drifted to your waist, holding you safely and securely. The slow trill of an instrumental ballad played from the ship’s speaker system. You couldn’t say whose idea it had been in the first place, but it hardly mattered.
The two of you had spent most of that first night and the next day after your confession practically joined at the hip, kissing at every opportunity that arose. It was as if you were making up for lost time. And now that your lives no longer hung in the balance, you had all the time in the world to indulge in each other’s company.
Rocky had agreed once again to give you and Ryland privacy. At first he had been reluctant, having recognized the perfect opportunity to observe human mating rituals firsthand…for science, of course. But in the end, he had given in and left you in peace. You and Ryland had been grateful for the time alone.
“Let’s pretend we’re on Earth and this is our first date,” you suggested, looking up at him. “Where would we go?”
Ryland gently spun you around in lock step with the music. “That’s easy. I’m thinking…the beach. Yeah.”
“Yeah? I’d like that.”
The picture formed with crystal clarity in your mind. The two of you would stroll across the sand, hands intertwined against the backdrop of a golden sunset. It would be a simple, private place where you would no longer need to worry about saving the world.
“But you know what?” Ryland asked, bringing you back to the present. He looked down at you, his expression fond as you continued to sway to the music. “This is really nice, too.”
The closer you got to Rocky’s home planet, the more another unspoken question hung thick and heavy in the recycled air of the ship. There were still things that needed to be said between you and Ryland. And finally, you were presented with the opportunity to address the subject.
The two of you sat in front of the ship’s hyper realistic rendering of a beach on Earth. You wanted to bask in the moment, but there was one last inevitable truth you and Ryland had to face before you reached your destination.
You stared at the holographic waves crashing against the shore. It was an approximation of the life you could’ve led, and would have to suffice in place of the real thing. “So what now?”
“Now we live our lives,” Ryland replied. “Together.”
“I like the sound of that.”
You shifted closer to him and rested your head on his shoulder. Moments later, Ryland’s arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His presence was as comforting as it had always been to you. The only difference lay in the fact that what had once been unspoken between you was now out in the open. And just like you had once been resigned to dying, you were willing to accept your new fate with him at your side.
For the rest of your journey to Erid, you would have all you needed. Enough fuel to last you for the trip, a new best friend, and even a mate. You felt safe and secure in all aspects of your life as the Hail Mary drifted through space, heading towards the distant planet that would eventually become your new home.
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
An alarm clock blared from your bedside table, pulling you from the depths of sleep. For a moment, in your dreams, you had been soaring through the endless void of space again…until you weren’t. A soft groan escaped your lips at the abrupt intrusion. Life on Erid was relatively peaceful, but lately, your mornings were filled with chaos more often than not.
Your husband rolled over in bed beside you and turned off the alarm. Within seconds, a blessed silence filled the room. You tried to savor it as much as you could before the anticipated chaos of the day began.
“Good morning,” he said, a slow smile accompanying his words when his gaze landed on you.
You responded in kind, sleep still evident in your voice. Ryland leaned over and gave you a lingering kiss. The two of you had quickly settled into your new lives over the past five years. It was hard to believe how much had changed in such a short time.
A year into your arrival on Erid, Ryland had asked some of the Eridians who specialized in crafting jewelry to forge a pair of rings for the two of you. He had kept it a secret from you until he’d felt that the time was right. And though you were adamant that you had all the time in the world to fully nurture your relationship, you hadn’t hesitated to accept his proposal. Your marriage would never be typical, at least according to Earth standards, but both of you had understood that from the beginning.
An insistent tapping came at the door, bringing you out of your reminiscing and back to the present. If there was an urgent matter that required your attention, one of you would usually be called upon to ensure that all was well. And today, you were determined that it not be you.
“I got this, honey,” Ryland said, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before he got out of bed.
The phantom sensation of his touch lingered on your skin long after he was gone. Ryland would soon be off to work, his passion for teaching having extended to his Eridian students. Meanwhile, you would spend your time tinkering with inventions and devices of your own making and had made a business of repairing existing ones.
This time, you left it up to your husband to greet your guest. There were a myriad of other things you still needed to accomplish in order to prepare for the day. The list always seemed to be endless.
Rocky hovered impatiently at the door, waiting for Ryland. He was encased in a new protective xenonite container in order to adapt to your environment. It had taken very little time for all of you to find a way to live that worked in your favor.
You listened intently as Ryland and Rocky talked in the living room. Neither of you needed the translator in order to understand him anymore; its last use had been over two years ago. You knew what question the Eridian was here to ask of your little family, and you knew that your answer would be the same as it always was. It would take much more time before you would even remotely be ready to return to Earth…if ever.
One phrase in particular stood out to you as the conversation wound down. “Let me see the tiny human! Hello tiny human!”
In that moment, the bed dipped in the space beside you that had just been occupied by your husband. Your little girl jumped into the bed, full of energy and ready for the day. Her actions were accompanied by repeated squeals of, “Mommy mommy mommy!”
“Good morning to you, too,” you said.
You focused your attention on her, indulging her when she told you about the good dream she’d had in the limited amount of language she had for it. Soon enough, though, her attention was diverted. She had noticed the absence of another important figure in her life.
“Where’s Daddy?”
Right on cue, Ryland appeared in the doorway of your room. He grinned when he saw her, still as much in awe of her as ever.
“There’s my brave little astronaut!”
She squealed in delight and ran to him.
Ryland caught her in his arms and tossed her up into the air a few times before quickly catching her again, the way she always liked. Her laughter filled the room before she was set back down on the ground.
You looked on with a smile as she headed over to Rocky and exchanged a clumsy fist bump with him. They had a lot to learn from each other, and you planned to make the most of every teachable moment when they would inevitably occur.
After finally getting out of bed, you hovered at the edge of the room. Ryland vied for your daughter’s attention again, attempting to lure her into the kitchen area for her breakfast.
“She looks just like you,” said Rocky, tilting his carapace towards you. You hadn’t noticed his approach, too busy lost in the sight of your little family.
“She really is something,” you replied.
“Yes, she is.”
This was the only life your daughter had ever known for the three years she had been alive so far. You and Ryland had agreed that she would grow up knowing the story of how her parents saved not one but two planets. You had even made a promise to teach her everything about humanity, the good and the bad included.
As she ran back to you, you studied her closely. Rocky had been right. Your daughter looked more like you every day. You and Ryland had ensured that she would grow up to be smart and kind, hoping to instill those traits in her along with a strong sense of exploration. And maybe someday, when she was old enough, she would want to return to Earth.
All these things would be true for your next child, as well. The one you had yet to tell your husband and your best friend about, not to mention your daughter. But the happy news could wait a little bit longer.
You didn’t want to focus on the broader picture of the future. Not anymore. You had already had more than enough of that for a lifetime. For now, this was all you wanted. A simple, safe place to live in the moment with your little family up in space.
In which the government (Eva Stratt) shows up at your door and gives you no choice but to join the Petrova Taskforce. The reason? Ryland Grace recommended you, your old friend (or whatever you were) from college. And for some reason, you said yes.
or
the tether tying you to earth was always very thin, but now it seemed ready to snap.
word count: 10.7k (lol)
content warning: some (a lot of) inaccurate science (I hate to say it but I would not be on the Petrova Taskforce), some plot alterations for my convenience, cussing, slight (very slight) references to sex, mention of parental death, mention of needles and going under, miscommunication trope (yasss) and someone tell ryland grace to just say something!! ( as always, lmk if I missed anything)
a/n: wow this has been sitting with me for a while! this is like my passion project, I have been so excited to get this out and I hope you all enjoy it too! this is my first time writing for Ryland (and writing in a while so give me some grace...see what I did there?). excited to be back and hopefully writing some more!
ANYWAYS, I would happily write a part two of if the people want it! (or just rant in my inbox about headcanons)
If there was one thing you knew it was that Ryland Grace and you perfectly orbited each other, even when he was far off in San Francisco teaching the next generation of young scientists. It had been that way since you met him in college and it just never stopped. Part of you thought it was written in the stars that Ryland Grace and you were meant to do great things together.
Even after everything that happened with his research paper, even after your lab group dropped you post college from lack of funding, it was still the two of you. Science Partners, pen pals, best buds….among other ambiguous unstated things. You stayed in contact over the years, frequent calls, letters, the stupid punny e-cards he would email you on your birthday every year. There was a time, in college, when the two of you were together almost every day. And your excuse was always that we just work well together.
You knew Ryland Grace, you would say it was your next best subject. However, in this specific, very rare instance, you had no idea what the fuck Ryland Grace was even talking about.
Have you ever considered helping save the planet?
You must have reread the email a thousand times. Enough where your brain eventually shut off from confusion and your head met the keyboard in place of a pillow. Only when a loud thudding rattled through your dingy apartment did you finally realize that you had even fallen asleep. You blinked at the screen, lifting your head from your keyboard, the sun shining through the windows onto your desk. Reaching up, you peeled a small sticky note off your face, rubbing your eyes.
BANG, BANG, BANG. The sound rattled through your thin walls again and only on the second time did you realize it was coming from your front door. You paused for a second and glanced at your small digital clock, it was only six in the morning. Shooting up from your chair you made your way to the door, grabbing an umbrella on the way over, just in case.
You peered through the peep hole, only relaxing for a second when you saw a woman…then her two, what you could assume were body guards, behind her. Right about now you would have called Ryland but he had been off the grid, that email being the first sign of life you had gotten in days.
Shit. Shit. Shit. What do you even do? You glanced back out, seeing them talking amongst themselves before knocking again, the woman calling your name through the door. Quickly turning to the mirror on the wall near the door, you let out a groan at what you saw. There was mascara smeared under your eyes from sleep and your hair stuck up in fifteen directions, all completed by the oversized t-shirt you had on reading “This gal believes in aliens”.
Fuck it!
You threw the umbrella to the side, brushed some hair out of your face and opened the door, casually leaning against the frame like everything was under control.
“Hi,” you spoke up, voice rough from not sleep, quickly clearing your throat in response, arms crossed over yourself to hide the stupid shirt. “Hi…uh is there anything I can do for you?”
The women did not look amused, only offering you a nod, slightly peaking into the small studio apartment behind you.
“Yes, actually, you received an email,” she spoke, sharp, straight to the point. It wasn’t a question really, more like a confirmed fact she was repeating. Her eyebrow quirked ever so slightly at your silence. “Am I wrong?”
You shook your head quickly.
“Yes or no? It is really that simple”.
“Yes, yes, sorry…” you hesitated for a second, coming to the quick realization you had no idea who these people were. And yet, you were so scared to see what would happen if you lied. “Yeah I got an email”.
“Not my decision. Dr. Grace thought however that it would be most efficient,” she continued. “He has spoken very highly of you and from my own research, I can understand why”.
Dr. Grace? Ryland?
She gestured past you which you could only respond by moving to the side. Her presence commanded space and you respected it, or feared it, there was a lot to unpack. She stepped past you, turning to give a nod to the two men with her who remained outside.
“I am sorry,” you began, closing the door, turning to face her. “Maybe you got the wrong person-”
“That is not possible,” she replied. “He was very insistent that we must contact you in order to move forward”.
For what? Contact you for what?
You watched as the woman moved around the room like it was her space, picking up books and skimming through old pages of notes you had written. Then she turned to face a white board you had mounted messily in your kitchen, scribbled with notes and doodles that surrounded three big words: THE PETROVA LINE.
“Seems we are on the same page,” she mused, the first time you had heard any significant change in her tone.
The space and the stars and the idea of infinity above had kept you up late into the night as a child. Your parents should have expected your world was one far away from the grounds of Earth, that you would live your life with your head in the stars. Your father used to have to drag you inside from your backyard, you set up with a blanket and a small telescope that they had bought you for your birthday that year. Each night would end the same, your parents calling you to come inside and you asking for five more minutes, which turned into ten, which turned into hours. But your little sixth grade self could not fathom how school was more important than the world above, the possibilities of the stars.
And when you went to college to study that world it was the easiest decision of your life. Then the stars turned on you and you could not understand why.
The Petrova Line kept you up at night.
“You studied the Tau Ceti System, yes?”
The name of the planet system sent a shockwave through you in a way you didn’t even know was possible. Tau Ceti was your whole life, or it had been in a distant past, it was a system you believed to have more potential than people truly gave it credit for. Yes, you knew Tau Ceti, however you had let that ship sail a long time ago.
“Yeah,” you spoke up, quieter than before. “Yeah I did some work on Tau Ceti”.
And you could not help the wave of disappointment that hit you at those words. You had been recruited to a lab group after college that was specifically dedicating funding to researching the Tau Ceti System, and when it fell through, so did all your plans. You had dropped every other offer for the one that, it was everything you had wanted. It was a risk, and it fell through. No one really prepares you for post college as an Astrobiologist, no one ever tells you that you will end up working as a waitress at the Extraterrestrial Eatery near your house. At least you got to wear a cool space suit there. Tau Ceti and your other research had been benched, pushed to the side for evenings when you had nothing else to do.
“Perfect. Now that is cleared up, grab anything that might be important and we can be on our way”.
The women turned to move past you back for the door and you felt like your feet were suddenly glued to the ground. You opened your mouth to speak, before closing it, then opening it again. Yet no sound seemed to come out.
“What is this?” she asked, turning back, gesturing to your face. “I do not need the fish impression right now, this is a serious matter, we do not have the time”.
You immediately shut your mouth, then took a breath.
“Who are you?” you finally cried out. “What is this? No one is telling me anything!”
You felt insane, like you were living in some simulation where everyone knew what was going on but you. Where were the cameras? When were they gonna jump out and say it was all some weird, honestly unnerving, prank?
“I am Eva Stratt, head of the Petrova Taskforce” she began. “And you have been selected by Ryland Grace to help solve the Petrova Line”.
“I have work tomorrow,” you breathed out, a loss for words. The Petrova Taskforce, some of the world's most brilliant minds coming to you…a waitress at an alien restaurant. The email came back to you, the ominous words from Ryland, saving the world. This was news that a long time ago would have been everything you had ever wanted to hear…now you felt like some imposter, out of place.
Why you? Why now? Why after years of beating around the bush did Ryland Grace need your help to solve one of humanity's greatest emergencies. Why was Ryland Grace solving one of humanity's greatest emergencies?
“That will not be a problem,” Stratt countered. “We have already contacted your place of work and put you on an indefinite time of leave”.
“You can’t just do that!” you fought back, even if you knew that was the least of your worries. It was all so much, all at once. Ryland and Tau Ceti and the Petrova Line and saving the fucking planet.
You remained still glued to the floor, grasping at straws, scared of saying yes…maybe even more scared of saying no. You glanced around the room, the books, the hours of work, the pictures of Ryland and you scattered around the room from college. It had been years since you saw him and maybe that scared you too, seeing him again, reopening feelings you had sworn to bury too deep to ever reach again.
Your curiosity for the world remained, your love for space had never quite gone away, that would be impossible. It was just more of a hobby now, you looked less like someone with a PhD in Astrobiology and more like a crazed conspiracy theorist. You weren’t the same scientist from college, bright eyed and ready to fly into space if she had to.
Dr. Stratt spoke your name from the silence, your eyes snapping back to meet hers, “the sun is dying.”
The word settled heavy, lingering in the air between the two of you.
“Dr. Grace is my last hope,” she continued, honest, blunt. “And you are his”.
And that was all it took as you nodded, a loss for words, moving in a sort of trance to gather your things.
-----------
If there was something you would be fine never doing again it was that fuck-ass fighter jet. But now, standing in front of the door to the conference room, you think you might rather go back and ride the jet a few more times to stall. You hadn’t seen Ryland Grace in years…and now you were there, feet away from him and the idea overwhelmed you more than you thought it would.
The ride over had been a bumpy, hazy mess. Anyone you tried to ask about what was happening would ignore you as if you were a ghost…which only left you with more questions. By the time you landed on a boat your brain was too tired to even try to make sense of it all.
You had met Ryland in college. You both ended up in the same class, ‘The History of Extraterrestrial Life’...better known on campus as That One Alien Class. It filled both of your general education requirements, or at least that’s what you told him was your reasoning. It had taken him weeks to get you to admit that you believed in Aliens and even longer to admit that the class really wasn’t a joke to you.
The two of you were paired up for most of the semester, spending time whispering in class and making jokes about how deranged the content was. Even if it did open your eyes up to the whole Tau Ceti system.
You remember the last day of class so vividly. It was your final presentation and Ryland had taken it upon himself to get you these dumb matching shirts reading, “This gal believes in aliens” paired with “this guy probably is an alien”. It was stupid. And it was so perfect.
The thought made you smile, only for a second, before the nerves of it all settled back in.
There was too much there, floating, left unsaid. And it scared the shit out of you.
Before you could even fully prepare, the doors opened, your body moving in autopilot as Eva Stratt led you into the room. There you were, suddenly standing in front of what felt like a million eyes, all looking to you like you had answers. You had to remind yourself not to do the whole fish thing again as you just awkwardly gave a small wave, trying hard to keep your mouth shut. What am I doing? You were a waitress at an alien themed restaurant, not a scientist…at least not anymore.
Stratt introduced you to the room, briefly detailing your credentials to be here. You had kept your gaze straight, scared to look in either direction, straight was safe, straight was easier. You had imagined what it would be like seeing him again, more times than you would ever like to admit, and this was nowhere close to what you thought it would ever be. In a room surrounded by some of the world's most important people.
“This is Dr. (last name),” you hadn’t been referred to as that in a while…and you could not lie, it felt kinda good. “She has researched the Tau Ceti system most of her career and will help us identify why exactly the Tau Ceti star is the only one not losing energy”
Great. They really loved leaving out the important details. You knew the star, probably more than the back of your hand but there was still immense mystery to it.
“Anything you want to share, Doctor?” Stratt finished, turning the room over to you and you made the one mistake, moving your head. There, at the left end of the table was him, Dr. Grace. Not an email, not a letter or postcard, not a lingering memory…no it was really him, looking at you. Every emotion you had ever felt about him hit you at once in a way that made you want to grab on to the nearest wall so as to not crumble to the ground. Ryland, your Ryland, the same one you remember, albeit a little older, a little more tired. Your heart stuttered for a moment, actually stuttered, like it too had forgotten how to function. And all you could do was muster a small wave. Nothing could have prepared you.
You had spent years pretending that he wasn’t the sun of your own personal solar system. It turned out that was much easier when he was not standing feet away from you, his glasses practically falling off his face.
You swallowed, mouth running dry. And funny as it was, after all the years, after all the anticipation and wondering, your body eventually went back to the familiar state it always did when it saw him. You softened. Your heart beat steadied and your breathing returned to something much more normal.
Stratt cleared her throat, your eyes snapping back to hers.
“Um…Tau Ceti is… pretty dang cool,” you finally choked out, the people around the room sharing looks between each other. “...Thank you”.
Sporadic, unsure claps filled the room as you took a step back, ready to smash your head through the nearest wall. You did not lie, Tau Ceti was pretty freaking cool. But you were sure that was not what the Patrova Taskforce really needed to hear from you at that moment.
“Thank you,” Stratt said, a slight shake of her head, before she gestured towards the empty chair in the one section of the room you had planned on avoiding for at least a little longer. You tried to ignore her before one of the men in suits began to guide you there himself.
Each step you took felt heavy, like your body was trying to stop you. But there was the other part, your heart racing in anticipation, in want. This was what you had wanted, your work hadn’t been the same without him. You two brought out a fire in each other, seeing the best in the mess of crazy ideas the two of you brought to the table. The two of you.
As you walked down the table, a few of the other scientists took turns shaking your hand, welcoming you on board. Maybe your speech was not a total mess afterall. You hadn’t even realized you had made it to the end of the table, his hand reaching yours before your brain could catch up.
“Tau Ceti is pretty dang cool,” the familiar voice spoke. Your eyes immediately met his and you felt like the world had stopped for just a second. Every version of him you remembered and every version you didn’t hit you all at once. Then you felt him squeeze your hand, his head slightly tilting. “Earth to alien girl?”
It was an odd feeling, seeing someone after so long. The memory of him was hazy until that very moment. You had tried so hard to remember the shade of his eyes and the way they kinda squinted up when he laughed. You had tried to commit those things to memory, tried to live through the pictures, but nothing compared seeing them in-person, in front of you.
You tried to form words, frozen in place, only coming back to reality as Stratt began to talk once more. You quickly sat down, pulling your hand from his and forcing your attention forward.
There were a few seconds where neither of you spoke, ignoring the weight of his eyes on you. You were supposed to be professionals…since when were you ever professionals? You were on a boat, with the world's best scientists, saving the planet…next to your best friend. And somehow, that felt like the most overwhelming part. You were sure your brain would eventually catch up one day, the shock fading with every minute that passed.
Then he slightly shifted in his chair, “Pretty dang cool?” he asked, just loud enough for you to hear, just like the two of you used to do in those alien class lectures. A smile grew on your face, one you tried to bite back.
“I panicked,” you whispered back, eyes still focused forward on Stratt, nodding along to words you weren’t even hearing. You didn’t have to look at him to know he was smiling too.
The silence again, the silence of years of pushing off visits and ignoring the hard questions. It made you twitch slightly, racking your mind for anything to ease it.
“So, are you the one responsible for the U.S. government pretty much knocking down my door this morning?” you whispered from the quiet, a slight quirk of your brow, gaze still set forward.
“Guilty,” he said, seeing him lift his hands in mock surrender in the peripheral of your vision. You could almost roll your eyes at how predictable the response was, slightly nudging his foot with yours under the table. He let out a quiet, breathy laugh, one you wanted to be the reason for forever.
“I didn’t think you would come,” he spoke again, his words softer this time, real.
Those were the words that broke your focus, your head turning to meet his gaze, really meeting his gaze, for the first time.
“Kinda didn’t have a choice,” you replied, half-joking, the other half completely honest, thinking back to the morning and the woman who was now commanding the room. Then you smiled, looking back at him, “But I would have come regardless”.
Even if you still weren’t exactly sure what all this was, what you had somehow signed up for. Even if it made you question who you were, why you were here…what you were to him.
You looked down to your lap. You were among the greats because Ryland Grace said you should be. You were not quite sure yet if that was reassuring or terrifying.
“It’s gonna be like old times, huh?” he added, as if it would make it all easier. “You know, you and me, figuring things out, putting the pieces together”.
Fuck. That did not make it any easier.
The meeting breezed by in a blur, words flying all around you as you tried to catch up to speed with what exactly was happening. You could pick out Petrova Line, Astrophage, Tau Ceti, among several other things you weren’t quite sure on.
And then it was quiet. Just you and him, alone, in a room that now felt much too big. You both started talking at the same time-
“So-”
“Hey-”
You stopped, laughed, apolgized…tried again.
Then you did the exact same thing once more.
“Out of sync,” you joked, a quiet laugh, as the adrenaline wore off and gave way to a feeling you could not describe. You knew him but then again, it had been years. It was finding the balance between an old friend and a stranger.
“It’s been a little bit, huh?” he added, hands digging into the pocket of his jeans. You finally got a glimpse of his shirt, a science pun you were sure he was so excited to show his class of middle schoolers.
“Yeah, just a little bit,” you added, feeling exposed now without the other people in the room, the slightest bit bitter that it had taken all this to see him again. But then again, who really was to blame for that? You looked down at the ground for a second, shuffling your feet against the floor, racking your brain for anything.
“So…saving the sun?”
You barely got the words out before he stepped forward, closing the space between the two of you, pulling you into a hug. So tight, like you might disappear. You stood there for a second, air caught in your throat before you caved into the feeling. Your arms looped around him, head rested against his chest, as if this was something the two of you just did.
“I missed you,” he said, honest, real.
You stayed there, just together, quiet in the chaos of the day.
“I missed you too,” you finally let yourself say, quiet as if the whole world was listening and you wanted it to be just for him. “Why me?”
He quickly pulled away, as if he was shocked into motion, a wild look on his face, you almost started laughing.
“What?” he gasped out, dramatic as ever.
‘What do you mean ‘what’?” you countered, slightly shoving him in the chest. “Why am I here, dumbass?”
“Hey, so first, we are not cursing anymore,” he scolded, his voice morphing into something you only imagine came from years of teaching. “Second, you are the only person I know who would be crazy enough to show up here”.
He shrugged as if it all was nothing, that dumb smile on his face, as he began to move towards the door. “And you would kill me if I got to research Tau Ceti and you didn’t get the invite”.
You wanted to interject, fight it, but you knew, deep down somewhere, that Ryland never stopped knowing you and you never quite stopped loving him.
“You just gonna stand there?” he asked, already at the door, holding it open. “Or are we gonna do some science?”
It really was like no time had passed between college and now…well if you ignored the millions of dollars worth of equipment now at your complete disposal. It’s funny, the way the body reverts back to old habits. The way Ryland and you moved in the lab was your own sort of rhythm, brains connected in a way that seemed almost superhuman. You needed to grab a tool, he dropped it on your desk before you could even move. He had a question, you were answering it as the question left his mouth…then he would smile at you and roll his eyes and go back to his work. It should have felt different after all this time…and it just didn’t. It was dangerous. And it was so wonderful.
The Vat, or Stratts Vat as everyone began to call it, was a hodgepodge of every science you had ever dreamed of. You could talk to a biologist from across the world and then suddenly meet an engineer who happened to be from your hometown. For a while you pretended that this wasn’t what you wanted, you ached to go back to what was safe and comfortable. But as you stood there, another day on the boat, you realized that maybe this is what you had been waiting for. You were researching again, being curious, all the things your younger self could have only dreamed of.
Your days were mostly spent with Ryland, the two of you poking at astrophage while you dug through old research papers you had on Tau Ceti. Your presentation was coming up, only revealed to you a few mornings ago by Dr. Stratt. She had come into the lab early, you had just woken up, believing it to be a perfect time to tell you that you would be addressing the taskforce with any details you had on the planet system. You sat there, swiveling back and forth in your chair, your sidekick on the other side of the room jumping up and down about a new development in Astrophage breeding.
“I wish I had your energy right now,” you groaned out, shuffling through your notes.
“Tau Ceti not treating you well?” he asked, peaking his head around a shelving unit that slightly blocked your view. “Did you try taking it out to dinner first?”
All you could do was flip him the finger, scribbling notes at the same time. “You think I haven’t tried that yet?”
He let out a laugh, coming around to stand behind where you were sat working. You had been really trying, but there were some things that just needed to be seen to be understood…and one of those was Tau Ceti. You had theories, tons of them, hopefully enough to be of help.
“She is still my greatest mystery,” you admitted, turning your chair to face him.
“Well Rome was not built in one day,” he looked at you, a serious look on his face regardless of the word choice. “And Tau Ceti is not gonna be understood that quick either".
You let your head dramatically fall to rest on the desk, quietly groaning into the sleeves of your jacket. Then you felt Rylands hands on your head gently shaking it.
“Hey,” he began, a laugh already escaping him, you mentally preparing yourself for whatever he would be saying next. “Remember they used to call you the brain!”
“Uh, you used to call me the brain,” you retorted, lifting your head up and shoving his hands away. “and it was and still is stupid”.
He grabbed your head once more, shaking it around, “C’mon use the brain, I know it is in there somewhere”.
You turned to glare at him, his lopsided smile making it hard for you to be upset at anything. The energy settled down, the man leaning back against the desk across from you.
“Do you think this is all gonna work out?” you spoke up, looking back to your notes. “Tau Ceti and the Astrophage and all of it?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted, blunt and honest. “But beats sitting around and waiting for it to solve itself…ar at least that it what I choose to tell myself”.
You just nodded, letting him fade back into his work as you faded back into yours. If Tau Ceti wasn’t enough, the constant push and pull between Ryland and you was. You told yourself to keep it easy, to ignore it, all those dumb feelings squashed down from college that threatened to bubble over any second. You buried yourself in your work, that was easiest. But there would be nights where you would fall asleep at your desk and wake up to a blanket thrown over you. Or mornings when the mess you left in the lab were cleaned up…and there would be Ryland, a small wave and a smile, doing a ‘cheers’ with his coffee mug. You could not let yourself read into it, because then it would be all the much harder to eventually pull away.
The presentation day had come in a blur, you now standing once again in the front of that room, papers gripped so tightly in your hands. You were never good at the presenting part of it all. In the bustle of the room you were able to find him, him waving his hands above his head to get your attention. You smile, he shot over two giant thumbs up, and all you could muster was one half as enthusiastic one back. You turned to look through your notes when he caught your eye again, pointing at his head and mouthing “the brain”, which you could only roll your eyes in response, a quiet laugh fighting its way out of you.
“Alright everyone,” the powerful voice of Eva Stratt entered the room, coming to stand beside you in front of the projector screen. “As you know, Dr. (LAST NAME), has been working hard gathering information on Tau Ceti, which will be our final destination for this trip”.
Everyone around the room turned their full attention to you as the women gestured to you and took a seat. Deep breath.
Your heart was jumping in all sorts of directions, as you fidgeted with the clicker, trying to get the presentation to flip to the next slide.
“Hi,” you began.
“Tau Ceti, it is pretty dang cool!” Ryland called out from the back, heads turning to him, him once again shooting the thumbs up.
“Uh, yes…as Dr. Grace put it, "Tau Ceti is really ‘dang cool’,” some of the scientists laughed at that, the stress easing the littlest bit off your shoulder. You began clicking through slides, diagrams of the systems and the potential planets in its orbit. “Thank you for your enthusiasm”.
You took one last deep breath before diving right in, trusting yourself and the years of work you had put into this already.
“What makes Tau Ceti so interesting, while not an exact match, is that it has the potential to be the closest relative to our own solar system,” you began. “Which means, there is a great likelihood of it supporting life or even already having life within it.”
“Now we know that the Tau Ceti sun is the only star to have not been impacted by the Astrophage, however what is harder to understand is exactly why,” you continued, switching to the next slide, getting into a rhythm. It was easy when it was your whole life's passion. “Which is why our mission is going there, to better understand it…however I have some theories that could be useful to prepare our travelers for what exactly might be going on”.
There was first, the idea that the spectral output on Tau Ceti did not match that of what Astrophage was looking to feed on. However the spectral output is very similar to the Sun so it would have to be significantly off to be a problem, which was unlikely. Along with this, there could be some sort of natural defense, like dust specific to that atmosphere. However, the most exciting idea was that of evolutionary pressure…another lifeform that could be eating away at the Astrophage to keep it in balance. While so extremely far fetched, it was the one that made you the most excited to get the data back from the scientists on the Hail Mary. It could change everything that scientists know about that system.
“But the honest answer is, we don’t know until we get up there and bring back some samples,” you closed out. “Now we do have to be aware that this planet is around twelve lightyears away from us”.
You were in a rhythm now, comfortable enough to really look up and around at the people in the room, several of them taking notes and nodding along. “Which means we are kinda looking at it in the past. The light we are seeing right now left Tau Ceti twelve years ago. Which is incredible, but there is the risk that this system is already gone or changed and we wouldn’t know until we get there”.
“However,” you flipped to your final slide. “The data we are able to gather from here points to strong evidence that this system is very alive and this trip will not only open doors for Astrophage but open up a world to an entirely new solar system that could be inhabited by human life”.
You clicked again, the slideshow coming to a close, “And, uh, yeah that is it from me…thanks guys”.
The sound of applause filled the room and you finally felt like you could actually breathe again rather than having to remind yourself to. Your face hurt from smiling, looking around the room, taking it in. You imagined your younger self, sat with her big telescope and book of constellations in a chair in the back. She is smiling, the biggest smile you have ever seen. She knew all those late nights would eventually pay off. Even after your original Tau Ceti lab fell through, even when you couldn’t find a job and ended up at an alien restaurant, even when your door got busted down by Eva Stratt…all those days led to this moment, right now. You wished you could go back and tell the girl in college that it would be okay, that she was enough, that one day she would do big things. But eventually she would learn and that made it all the more worth it.
And there was him too. You found his eyes in an instant, it seemed to be the first thing your body did. It was an old habit, one you could not break, nor really wanted to. He was beaming, an ear to ear smile, waving at you like you had just accomplished something so incredible and not just given a presentation. You made your way towards him, your bodies drawn together like magnets. However with each step you took, you felt like you were being pushed further and further away as people began to come up and shake your hand or ask you questions. Further and further until he faded away in the back of the crowd, now a lone hand stuck up above the crowd trying to get your attention. A thumbs up and you knew everything was gonna be okay.
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You were sitting at the bar, hot off the mic with Ilyukhina, who had forced you up against your will. The slight buzz in your head was enough to make you cave, you were sure that was the whole reason Ilyukhnia had insisted on getting you a few drinks at the start of the night. All of it leading to a horrific and yet kinda beautiful version of “Space Oddity” by David Bowie …it felt fitting.
She had bought you a final drink as a thank you, one you were nursing now, looking around the room. Grace had stayed late in the lab, normally you were there too, but the others in the lab had started to joke that you hated fun and you were determined to prove them wrong. You were fun! Very Fun.
You hadn’t been down to the bar before, didn’t quite understand how people could celebrate knowing what was approaching. You weren’t even on the ship and you could barely get your brain to settle at night enough to fall asleep. The room was full of people, singing, laughing, leaning into each other and finding comfort. It made you smile, maybe made this whole thing feel more real. It made the pit in your stomach worse.
Your eyes caught on DuBois, a drunk Shapiro leaning against his arm, the two of them laughing together, in their own world. Your gaze lingered, unable to pull away. The way they could laugh togethering knowing that DuBois would be gone, not set to return. They had people here, people they were leaving and for the first time that really hit you. You tugged your gaze away, looking back down to the bottle of beer in your hands, half empty…it would stay that way. You couldn’t help it though, like it was a piece of art, you found yourself looking back at the two of them. She looked at him with a quiet kind of intimacy, like the two of them could know what the other was thinking without speaking a single word. They moved in a perfect rhythm, a messy, beautiful rhythm. They weren’t just leaving behind Earth, they were leaving behind their people…a chance at a normal life.
You were gonna be sick. Quickly you set your beer on the table and left the bar pushing through the groups of people singing until you were finally out onto the deck of the ship, cold wind smacking you in the face. You gasped for air, but no matter how much you took in, it still didn’t feel like enough.
The ocean was dark ahead, it was like an abyss and as you looked up, you were met with the bright stars, their shine almost too bright with no other lights around to dim them. You felt so small, and in the grand scheme of things you were, and it both terrified you and brought you some peace.
Your grip was tight on the railing, it almost hurt. You needed to be stable, grounded, anything-
“Hey,” a familiar voice approached from behind, your body tensing before slowly relaxing. You didn’t have to turn back, just slightly nodded your head, an invitation.
“Hey,” he repeated himself, this time softer, as he came around to your side, gripping onto the railing next to yours. “Earth to alien girl?”
“I thought you were working late?” you spoke up, anything to take your mind off earlier, get rid of the image of people who would never see each other again.
“The lab gets kinda lame without a certain scientist analyzing everything I do,” he joked, but you could not get yourself to laugh. “I love your analyzing…that’s uh, that’s what I meant”.
It was almost a compliment, a small smile crept on your face that quickly faded out as another gust of wind hit you, the waves crashing below you. The two of you sat there in silence for longer than you ever had before.
“You okay?” he broke from the silence, turning his head to look at you.
You nodded, “Just cold”.
He nodded back, unconvinced you could tell, as he began to reach for his jacket regardless. You did not fight him on it, you were cold, maybe it would help. The chunky fox cardigan draped over your shoulders as he absentmindedly buttoned the top to keep it from falling off of you. You mumbled a quiet ‘thank you’, bundling into the thick yarn.
“So are you gonna tell me what is really wrong?” he spoke again, him still standing in front of you, adjusting the sweater so it covered you. You met his eyes, his head slightly tilting.
“Have you seen Dubois and Shapiro?” you finally allowed yourself to speak your thoughts into the air.
He nodded, returning to stand next to you, leaning once again against the metal rails, "Yeah, they are definitely hooking up”.
“No,” You shook your head, “There’s something more, you can see it in the way they look at each other”.
The silence met the two of you again, the waves below you getting louder and louder, them in their own conversation. You wondered if the waves too had problems like this, if they thought about the world and what they were meant to be. You felt nauseous, you chose to blame sea sickness. It hurt even more because maybe you wished he would look at you like that. You supposed that was your last tether to Earth, last tether from making you lose your mind…it seemed to be him.
“I just cannot imagine knowing the person that you loved was gonna be gone in a few days, just out in space, floating…and you just never see them again. And you can’t even do anything about it” your voice slightly quivered, it was all too much. The several drinks in your system did little to ease your worry, you actually think it made it worse. “After I lost…after my parents, I mean, it took so long to be okay with not getting a goodbye. But they, I mean Shapiro gets to say goodbye. How do you even say that kind of goodbye knowing they are out there and will die, alone?”
You hadn’t realized how blurred your vision had gotten until you looked up, finding Ryland’s gaze, his eyes scanning your face. He had been there, in college, when your parents had passed, had sat up with you for weeks on end keeping you distracted, helping you stay on top of work when your world felt like it was ending.
He carefully reached to wrap his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his side, a silent kind of comfort, the kind you liked. You rested your head against his chest, melting into his touch, allowing him to be strong for you for a little. It made your head hurt, all of this and him…there was always him.
You weren’t sure how long it was before he spoke up again, you had counted at least twenty crashes of the waves against the boat. It seemed to be the only thing you could think about without falling apart.
“Where do you see yourself after all this?” he asked, pulling you the little bit tighter against him. You were not in the headspace to dig into that, nor the question he was asking. Because where did you go? You were doing the thing you had worked your whole life for and then what? Back to the restaurant? Back to serving punny dishes named after planets and pretending you were fulfilled?
“Probably go home,” you began, your voice thin, a little shaky. “Can’t keep the Extraterrestrial Eatery without their best server for too long”.
It was supposed to be funny but it came out dejected. A quiet laugh escaped him at your words.
“That’s not-”
“That’s exactly what it is,” you cut him off, sharper than you meant it to be, gaze set down at your shoes, at the hem of his sweater, at anything that wouldn’t make you think so much. “That’s my life, Ryland”.
Before this your life had been small, so miniscule…your dreams seemed so far away. Now you were here, it was all right in front of you. You didn’t even think you would ever get this close to studying Tau Ceti, all the resources right there for you to use.
“This…all of this is everything I ever worked for,” you continued. “Being here, doing things that actually matter, and then it’s just gonna be over”.
The lab, Tau Ceti…him. You had grown so used to it, too comfortable and the feeling of it being torn away felt weird. But that was life, you would adjust, or you would try.
“It doesn’t have to be over,” he offered, trying to comfort the ache in your words. And it hit you, with a force that could have sent you overboard. Your head snapped up, looking at him, you opened your mouth to say something but stopped yourself.
“I gotta go,” you spoke, in a daze of sorts, his words replaying over and over in your head.
“Hey, no. Come on” he too stood up, no longer leaning against the railing. “Talk to me, I am here! We could go sing karaoke or something, be stupid, forget about it”.
“You hate karaoke,” you countered, already edging towards the stairs back down into the boat.
“Maybe I could like it?”
“I am gonna go to bed,” you turned back to him, lying through your teeth. You searched his face once more, took a mental picture of him standing right there, breeze blowing through his hair, glasses slightly tilted. He looked perfect.
“It does not have to be over,” you repeated, more to yourself than to him, before ducking down into the stairs and back down the hall. You were sure he called your name but your body could not turn around. It could have been the alcohol in your system. Maybe you were losing your mind. Maybe it was a little bit of both, but your feet carried you right to Dr. Stratt’s office.
You didn’t even knock, pushing open the door, her head snapping up from the silence. Her eyes slightly narrowed, you standing there in the doorway, trying to catch your brain up to your movements.
“Take me instead,” you blurted out, desperate.
The woman did not react right away, just studied you, like she was weighing something you couldn’t see.
“I have nothing keeping me here”.
At least, almost nothing.
“I have worked my whole life for this,” you continued, words spilling out of you before you could even really think them through. “Tau Ceti is my everything and now I am here. And I can do it, I want to do it”.
You swallowed, a shaky breath, so loud in such a quiet room.
“I need to”.
You stood there, feeling so small in the doorway, waiting for something, anything that would confirm that you weren’t making a mistake. Doctor Stratt just nodded her head, short and direct, like she always was.
“Go get some sleep Doctor,” and you just nodded back, your brain going completely silent for the first time that night.
--------
When the explosion happened a few days later, it was all the justification Eva Stratt needed. The day had been a mess, the loss of those doctors devastating, the power of Astrophage even more extraordinary . There was no time to even process though, as just as quickly as it had happened, Dr. Stratt had pulled you into a conference room. The plans moved fast, there was no time to delay with launch day approaching. You agreed as quickly as it was proposed, Ilyukhnia sending you small thumbs up from across the table.
The explanation was a blur. The coma, the four year trip, the three hours until you would have to be ready. Three hours before your life changed forever. That was all it took for everything to become real. But you nodded along. You had a duty now, not only to yourself but to Dubois and Shapiro and all of humanity. For Ryland Grace and his students, for the young girls out there dreaming of studying the stars. It would all be worth it, for them. It had to be.
You made your way back towards the lab, moving in a sort of hazy trance. You were allowed a few personal items to bring with you on the ship, most of the ones you wanted to bring were stored on the shelves of your desk. A picture of you and Ryland at a weird alien museum your class had gone to. A photo of you with your parents on move-in day at college. Your favorite book. A journal of your personal notes. And that stupid alien shirt.
You smiled, piling the items into a box you kept in the lab, when the door came rattling open.
Ryland Grace came stumbling into the lab practically lit on fire, out of breath, a million emotions on his face. You knew it before he even spoke the words.
“What are you doing?” he asked in a panic, searching your face, his eyes shooting in every direction, him taking steps closer to you.
“I don’t-”
“No, you aren’t doing this,” his stopped you. “What are you doing? They can’t just take you?”
“I volunteered,” you countered back, simple, straight to the point…it would make it easier. You turned back to the box, finishing placing the items, scared what looking back at him would do. He was quiet behind you and that hurt the most. Maybe it hurt because of the quiet, maybe it hurt because he didn't have more to say.
“This is it for me,” you said, still facing the box, busying yourself with organizing and reorganizing the objects, anything to keep from facing the truth. “I have studied Tau Ceti my whole life and now I am going to see it, I am going to help save this planet”.
“You don’t know that,” he bit back. “I mean we can hope but you have no idea if this is even gonna work-”
“Beats the alternative,” you countered.
“And what's the alternative?”
That made you turn, you finally facing him. He looked so tired, a mix of confusion, anger, sadness… somehow all at once.
“This,” you admitted. “Going home to that apartment, living through pictures of a better time while I work that shitty job. That’s not living, that is not how I am going to live!”
“So what, now you are just going off to die?” he was upset, you hadn’t seen him like this in a while, not since his theory about water had not been received well in college.
“I am saving humanity”.
“Oh wow, yes, real courageous of you,” he retorted, shaking his head in disbelief.
“Fuck you Ryland,” you said, quiet, cold. “You’re the one who brought me here”.
His eyes snapped to yours, the two of you just looking at each other, breathing.
“And it was supposed to be a temporary thing,” he bit back. “Empahsis on the whole temporary part of this all. I mean, just a couple of days ago you were saying how you couldn’t imagine people having to say goodbye like this.”
You didn't have the heart to tell him that you hadn't planned on saying goodbye to him at all. It was wrong, you knew that, selfish, but you couldn’t get yourself to do it. He was your last tether to Earth and it was growing thinner and thinner.
“I have nothing here for me,” you spoke from the silence.
“You have-” and then he stopped himself and your head once again snapped up to meet his eyes.
“Say it,” you spoke, quietly, pleading for him to say the one thing that could make you stay. “Please Ry, just say it”.
Everything hung there, floating in the air and he couldn’t, his head just slightly shaking in disappointment. The tether snapped right there.
“Okay,” it was so breathy, barely even a word. You had no more fight left in you, no words left to say, nothing he could do that would change your mind. He was too stuck in his ways, too stubborn. You grabbed the box, looking at him once more, before you shoved your way past him and out the door of the office. It was quiet, too quiet down that hallway and when you looked back he was looking at you and you just gave him a smile, a small one…I will learn to forgive you.
You felt no regret.
Not when Eva Stratt thanked you for your sacrifice. Not when the doctors came in and prepared the injection that would put you under. Not even when the needle pierced your skin. You only did, just for a second, when you heard your name. When his voice called through the room, faint but desperate. It was muffled, your vision growing thinner and thinner, fading at the edges. The voice just grew quieter and quieter. A hand gripped tightly onto yours, shaking you more and more until you felt nothing at all.
----------
The first thing you realize is that you cannot open your eyes, like they are glued shut. You squeeze them a couple times, blinking over and over until they finally force themselves open.
So bright!
You should have just kept them close. You blink a few more times.
Then you realize that you can’t move, and not because your arms are stiff…no, there is a giant, what you could best describe as, plastic bag wrapped around you.
“Eye movement detected,” you practically jump out of your skin at the sound disrupting the silence. The voice is clean, almost inhuman, as it once again repeats its previous statement.
You try to move your arms, nothing. Your legs, nothing. Your fingers…just a little bit. The feeling of helplessness crashes all over you at once as you come to the slow realization that this was not just a bad case of sleep paralysis.
Before you could even begin to make sense of it, a giant robotic hand swept across your vision, reaching down to unzip the human sandwich bag you were being trapped in. Now was your change, you shifted your weight as much as you could side to side until you rolled and made contact with the hard floor. A groan escaped you, the only sound you could really get out.
What the actual fuck?
There are tubes, connected in places you didn’t even know were possible. But nothing was as alarming as the realization that you had no idea where you were…no idea who you were. You looked around in a panic, trying to worm around off the ground, the robot hand stopping you in your place, lifting you off the ground and placing you back onto the table. You left out a mix of muffled objections, the most you could muster…your vocal chords were somehow still waking up. The computer acted before you could even protest, removing all the tubes, sensations you had never felt before and hoped to never feel again. At least, you assumed you had never felt them before.
You saw it as your chance, the robot hand busy putting the tubing away, you jumping off the table and immediately crumbling to the ground.
“Fuck!” the sound surprised you…you were making progress. Using the little strength and feeling in your limbs that you had, you scooted and crawled across the floor. Where was the door? Your head snapped back and forth, up and- There it was, on the ceiling, of course it was. The ladder connected to it seemed daunting but what choice did you have.
The robot spoke again, speaking a name, or you assumed it was, “detected, alive”.
It must have been your name, huh, you didn’t completely hate it. You continued to move across the floor, slow, scared that the robot arm might just yank you right back into the air.
“Movement detected in the dormitory," the robotic voice spoke once again, causing you to speed up. It was trying to blow your cover, ruin your plan. Who knew, there might be a whole army of robots up there ready to get you. With each scoot across the floor, the feeling in your limbs began to find itself again. By the time you reached the ladder you were able to somewhat pull yourself up, each step getting harder and harder. You were tired, even if it seemed you had just woken up from some coma-like situation. You reached the top, banging the door over and over until it eventually popped up.
Reaching the top, standing on solid ground again was a feeling you had a new respect for. Then you turned your head…and you came to the jarring realization that you weren’t on solid ground at all. A giant window looking out into the great plane of stars…you were in space. You took slow, cautious steps towards the window, scared that you might somehow get sucked out.
It was beautiful, you were at a loss of words for a reason other than your inability to talk.
“Holy shoot,” a voice spoke from behind you, you stumbled slightly turning around, throwing your hand up in defense. “You are awake”.
“Am I?” you asked, genuinely…you wouldn’t have been shocked if you had died and were now in some weird waiting room.
The look on the man's face was one of relief and that was enough to slowly allow your hands to fall back to your side. He seemed slightly more put together than you were, except for the glasses titled slightly on his face…though he made no move to readjust them. Maybe he was an alien and that was how they wore their glasses? Were you an alien too?
“Where am I? What is this? What…” you trailed off, once again catching a glimpse of the stars. The feeling was hard to explain, like you were floating in your own head, nothing there but faint blurry glimpses of something that you knew came before this. But no matter how hard you fought, you could not get yourself to decipher the memories. “I can’t remember what…”
He nodded as you spoke, and you knew he understood. You couldn’t understand, but your body softened slightly, your heart beat became steady and your breathing returned to something much more normal.
“I, uh, I woke up a couple days ago…in that room,” he tried to explain, looking as if he too was piecing it together in real time. “Where do I even start…”
You stood there, helpless, waiting for something.
“We are in space,” you rolled your eyes at his words, pointing out at the window next to the two of you. “Oh right, well, just clarifying”.
“Anything else genius?” you didn’t mean to come across as on edge but you were confused and hungry and annoyed that your brain could not do what it was meant to do.
“We aren’t in our own solar system,” he spoke again, finally with some seriousness to his tone, you perking up and meeting his gaze. “We are, according to the map in the control room, in the Tau Ceti system about twelve lightyears away from Earth”.
He trailed off on the last word, giving you a second to absorb…but you were not a sponge and your brain was rejecting all of it. It made no sense, it was insane…but so was the giant robotic arm that picked you up earlier.
“We were sent here for a reason,” he finished. “I just am not sure what exactly that is yet”.
He then paused, a long pause, like he was choosing his next words carefully, “we were sent in a group of four”.
“Oh,” you looked up at him, a feeling of relief washing over you, maybe they knew more, maybe they had been awake for longer. “Well, let’s just go pick their brains?”
“They didn’t make it,” he added, the words sitting heavy in the air.
You just nodded, unsure of what to say, scared of how it would all feel once your memories began to trickle back like his were.
Would they have been your friends? Would the grief hit you later? The words sat weird in your stomach, even weirder knowing that there was a time where you knew everyone on this ship, there was a time where you knew why you were there. People who were your friends and now it was just you and strangers, chosen by some sort of fate to survive.
“What happened to them?”
“What am I? Your magic eight ball,” he joked, a weak attempt at trying to lighten the mood…you hated that it made you smile the way it did. “Don’t fight it, I know it was funny.”
“Oh wait, the memories are coming back…” you pretended to think, before letting a blank look spread on your face. “You’re an asshole”.
He threw his arms in mock defense and you weren’t sure why but it all felt so natural.
“I found some vodka earlier,” he offered up, a shitty solution, a temporary one for sure, but a solution nonetheless.
“We brought vodka?” you paused. “At least we know we had fun”.
He laughed and you laughed too, anything to keep you from thinking about what this all was, what this meant and how exactly you get back to Earth from twelve light years away.
The man, who you learned was named Ryland Grace, took you around the rooms he had already spent time exploring. The labs…so you were scientists? Then the controls, and the space suits and the shelves of equipment that you could not even begin to understand. He eventually showed you a small closet, one containing boxes labeled with four names, pulling the one with yours on it down.
In yours were some pictures…one of the two of you, so you were friends? Maybe? You should go with friends for now. Then a picture of two older individuals stood next to you, in front of the sign of a college…they must have been your parents. Did they know you were up in space? Did they send you up here? The thought made your head hurt so you stopped, tucking it away, it was for another day. There were too many questions floating as is. Then the shirt, a giant shirt that confused that shit out of you even more. You took it out of the box, holding it up to show him and the two of you just burst out laughing.
“So I have bad taste in clothing?” you asked, trying to regain your breathing, him wiping away the tears from his eyes.
“You should see some of the other clothes people brought,” and those words were just the start. Too much vodka flowing through your system, the two of you found comfort in trying on stupid hats and shirts packed throughout the ship. At some point you found yourself collapsed on the floor with him, laying there, the bag of alcohol laying between the two of you.
You talked for hours that night…well you assumed it was night, trying to hypothesize about who the two of you might have been. Were you smart? Where had the two of you met? Were you friends? Somewhere in your mind you felt like there was something else there. But you did not want to dig there, when you tried your head would just pound right back. So you laid there, accepting the silence of space, accepting that none of it made sense.
“I am glad I am not alone,” he spoke up from the silence, so quiet you might have missed it.
“I am not sure why, but I feel like we were meant to do this together,” you replied, turning your head to the side to look at him.
He was already looking at you with a soft smile on his face. Tomorrow you would wake up and it would be overwhelming all over again. But for now, you were wearing an alien shirt and laying beside a man with a beautiful smile and titled glasses. Floating absently among the stars and you felt like you have never felt so at home.
the way it took me three seconds after coming out the movie to think of how a reader could fit into it.
they’re both teaching middle school. He specialises in biology, her in physics and language. They’re best friends. Their students ship them. They wrote the thesis together. They get recruited together. They wake up and they’re such dorks and nerds when they remember why they’re here and that they’re communicating with aliens. reader builds the communication with Rocky. Rocky finds ryland pathetic around reader. Rocky loves reader. Rocky says reader is favorite human. It’s all in good fun. When they still half remember ryland finds a ring in his stuff which jogs his memory then one day he fkn proposes.
Do you see it?
the conversation about mates
the who you fight for
the adorableness with Rocky
chaotic banter-y best friends.
do you want this fic, question?
I am unwell this movie just made me feel a lot. pls comment if you want the series I’m not sure.
this is my own method that I’ve figured out over time and has worked for me the best. I shift multiple times a week with this, I hope it can help you too.
I call It “The Tai Method” (Named after me)
The Method
As you’re going to sleep and feel yourself get tired, focus on the lights behind your eyelids and on what you can see with your eyes closed, (if you can see nothing that’s fine, the trick is to just pay extra attention)
do this for like half a minute before focusing on everything you can hear, cr sounds? Dr sounds? And try to really listen and hear if you can hear your dr.
After half a minute of that too focus on your body, do you feel tingles? Your own breathing? Sinking? Try to feel your surroundings change, or if It feels like you’ve moved.
do this 4 times and it should start to feel like your surroundings have changed. Even if it doesn’t, fall asleep and you’ll likely shift.
(best recommended as a sleep method, but works as an awake too! You can say affirmations if you want but It’s not required)
yes. It’s really that easy, just pay attention to your cr and dr while you’re relaxing, and you will shift!
SATS, is a state between sleep and wakefulness in which the conscious mind relaxes, while the subconscious becomes highly receptive. When the rational mind is loosened, the subconscious is free from interference and can absorb statements as absolute truths.It is fertile ground for manifesting desires, affirming new realities, and accessing profound states such as pure awareness or the void state.*:･ﾟ♥️✧💫:･ﾟ
The ideal time to explore SATS is:
Before sleeping: The mind is calmer and ready to receive.
After waking up during the night: If you wake up during the night, lie still, close your eyes, and focus on a short, powerful affirmation, such as: "I'm already in the void." "I have everything I want." If you fall asleep while affirming, that's perfect: the message still reaches your subconscious.
To summarize:
The conscious mind is relaxed: There is no judgment or analysis. The subconscious is receptive: Affirmations penetrate without resistance. The void becomes accessible: This state opens a bridge to the void, the place of pure creation. Even if you don't access the void right away, you are building a powerful connection with it.
After a dream or natural awakening: Remain still, close your eyes and do not move your body. State or display, for example: “I am pure awareness.” "The void is my home." If you fall asleep, that's fine: the unconscious continues to work. Even just a few minutes of practice before bed or after waking up in the night can make a big difference.
SATS vs Void: What's the Difference?🤔
In SATS: You communicate directly with the subconscious, planting seeds that gradually manifest into reality. It's like cultivating a vision that will grow over time.
In the Void: You are in a state of pure creation, where manifestations occur instantly, without the need for "sowing". Both states are powerful and complementary. Signs You Are Entering the Void a sensation of "falling softly" or being sucked into total silence. Loss of body perception. Absence of thoughts or feeling of deep peace. If it doesn't happen right away, don't worry.
You are already in your power, you don't have to "become" God of your reality. You already are, now. And the void is already yours. You're just allowing yourself to return to it consciously !!!!
Now go and come back here with whatever you want!!!!Success is inevitable my love.
I wanna ask what the void state is? please and thankyou!
✶ EXPLAINING THE VOID STATE.
the void state is basically a state of deep consciousness where you feel empty but in a powerful, limitless kind of way. like, imagine your mind being a blank canvas—completely detached from the outside world, just being there in pure stillness. no thoughts, no distractions, just you chilling in this black, endless abyss of potential. it’s where people say you can manifest literally anything because there’s nothing holding you back.
⭒ ˚ ₊ ⋆ WELL, EMMA, THAT SOUNDS FANTASTIC! HOW DO I GET THERE?
people usually do meditations, affirmations, or breathwork to hit the void state. the key is to relax, focus inward, and let go of all the noise. you’re basically tuning out of this reality and into your inner space.
SET THE MOOD. get comfy. lie down or sit in a cozy position where your body can relax without distractions. dim the lights, grab a blanket, and maybe play soft, ambient sounds (or just embrace the silence).
RELAX YOUR BODY. start with deep breathing. inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, exhale for 4 (repeat a few times). then do a mental body scan—relax your toes, then your legs, then your chest, etc. until you feel like a puddle of calm.
QUIET THE MIND. focus on nothingness. easier said than done, i know, i know, but try to let go of any thoughts that pop up. some people imagine a black void or empty space to help. if thoughts creep in, don’t fight them—just let them pass and gently refocus.
AFFIRM YOUR INTENT. use affirmations to remind yourself you’re entering the void. whisper (or think) things like.....
"i am in the void.”
“i am pure awareness.”
“i am limitless.”
say them until you feel it.
DETACH AND SURRENDER. here’s the key—don’t force it. just let yourself be. the void isn’t about trying hard; it’s about releasing everything. trust that you’re exactly where you need to be, even if it doesn’t feel dramatic.
SIGNS YOU'RE IN THE VOID. you feel detached from your body or surroundings. there’s a deep stillness or “nothingness” sensation. you’re hyper-aware, but everything feels quiet.
MANIFESTING...OR CHILL. once you’re there, you can affirm what you want, visualise your desires, or just bask in the calm. this is YOUR moment to do whatever you like.
⭒ ˚ ₊ ⋆ IS IT REQUIRED FOR MY SHIFTING JOURNEY?
the void state is cool and all, but let me be clear—you do NOT need it to manifest, shift, or achieve your dreams. belief, consistency, and confidence in yourself are just as powerful. the void is like an optional bonus round; sure, it’s great if you get there, but it’s not the be-all and end-all. you already hold the power to change your reality through your thoughts and intentions alone. so don’t stress if the void feels elusive—your belief in yourself is enough. always has been, always will be.
My challenge to induce pure consciousness before Christmas🎄
Hello everyone,
So I know that in my earlier posts I said that I am not really in favor of challenges but I see a lot of people struggling and overcomplicating the void and I've decided to make a challenge that will get you into the void state in less than 3 days if you really stick to it, and if you don't stick to it consistently, you'll still be able to get into the void before December 25th (which is like 26 days away from now).
The challenge is to use SATs to enter the void state and I'll explain how. But first, y'all need to understand what the void is exactly.
SO when you have to eat your breakfast, do you google or search youtube videos on how to eat? Or if you want to fall asleep, do you google how to fall asleep? We actually don't know what causes us to fall asleep if you think about it. So when we set the intention, our subconscious follows through because we've always been doing it and no one told us that sleeping is not real. So the void state is just another state of consciousness that doesn't need to be forced and it cannot be forced. You just set the intention. However, people have been programmed to believe that things like the void are too good to be true (SMFH).
SOOOOO here's the challenge:
STEP ONE is to do ANY kind of yoga, workout, or stretch before bed. You can do breathing sitting up or simply a meditation to calm your mind. Make sure to not use electronics before bed for at least an hour.
STEP TWO is to get into a comfortable position. It doesn't matter which position, just one that you know you can stay in for as long as necessary.
STEP THREE is to choose what you want to do in SATs. To induce the void, you choose to induce the void. You can say it to yourself or just relax and know what you want.
STEP FOUR is to begin to relax your body. You can do PMR where you tense then release each part of your body, then do breathing or anything until you have become completely relaxed.
STEP FIVE is to either visualize waking up with your desired face or whatever thing you want to get from the void and telling someone that you induced the void. Anything that indicates that you woke up in the void. OR you use the lullaby method where you pick one affirmation (I am in the void aware or I have induced pure consciousness). OR you can do both.
STEP SIX is to make sure you go to sleep with this affirmation or visualization in your mind. This is probably the most important part and what makes this method successful.
Please go watch "Neville Goddard Ladder lecture" in order to get how this works. BUT IT D O E S. Stop being so needy and do the challenge. It's literally not hard and there's no "failure". It's just a state.
Oh, and I made a playlist that I'll link down below for you to listen to throughout the day. It's not necessary but it helped me be happy and get rid of the "omg nothing wowks fow meeeeeee :(((" mentality. I will also link a good, trustworthy SATs subliminal that i used YEARS ago (like two years) and then didn't use again because I became obsessed with trying new methods.
If you have any questions, you can message me BUT I am enjoying my life rn and chilling so I won't respond immediately. Plus, everything you need to know is already on @b4ddprincess 's page and also my earlier posts address tons of things. Again, stop being needy.
you sat at the table wringing your hands together. you were visiting robby in juvy today and he didn’t really have any idea.
after the school fight, you were taken to the hospital for some minors you had acquired during the whole ordeal. you then tried getting a hold of robby.
after a couple of days of coming up short, you heard that he got caught and was put in juvy. you felt terrible because you knew that he hadn’t meant to run from the cops, he was just scared.
you then found out from johnny that he was able to have visitors. fortunately, you were able to set up a day for you to visit him.
you look over as the door opens. you heart starts to beat faster as you see robby walk out. he looks around at the other people visiting with their families before his eyes land on you.
he stops in his tracks and you had to admit that you were scared that he wouldn’t want to see you. you take a deep sigh as he stares at you.
he slowly starts to make his way over to your table. your eyes follow his every move as he sits down.
it’s silent as he finally looks up at you. you shift slightly in your seat before your leg begins to jump up and down.
“hi.” you say softly
“hey.” he nods. his voice was rough as he spoke.
“um, how are you ?” you ask. your eyes shut as you realized what you were asking, “sorry, that’s a stupid question.”
he scoffs lightly, “i’m fine. thanks.”
you nod before looking down at your hands. “i just- i wanted to check on you. i tried looking for you after the fight, but..”
“yeah.” he says looking down at the table. it goes quiet again as you try to wait for robby to take the conversation in whichever direction he chose. “y/n, why are you here ?”
the question stuns you. you thought it was obvious why you were here. you clear your throat, “i- i came to check on you-“
“i know. you said that but,” he starts, “all your friends are in cobra kai and i’m sure if they knew you were here, they’d flip out. so, why are you here ?”
“because i want to be.” you say simply. robby looks up at you. “i was worried about you and wanted to know if you were okay. i don’t care what everyone in cobra kai thinks. i’m not even apart of it anymore.”
“why would you care about me ?”
“despite us being in separate dojos, i thought that we were still sort of friends, so..”
you finally get the courage to look up at robby. when you do, you can see sadness swarming in his green eyes. you didn’t know it, but only kreese and johnny had come to visit him and both for very different reasons.
you were the only other person that had come to visit him.
“look, if you don’t want me here, then i’ll leave.” you say, “whatever you want.”
“i don’t want you to leave.”
you feel your shoulders lighten as he says this. “then i’ll stay.”
you see a ghost of a smile on his lips. you smile back at him as your eyes catch his. you’d definitely be visiting more often.
do you have any headcanons for arguing and making up? i’m a slut for angst with comfort 🙈
Making Up After a Fight
Gender Neutral Language!
Genre: slight angst, fluff
Featuring: Arthur Morgan, John Marston, Dutch Van Der Linde, Javier Escuella, Charles Smith, and Sean MacGuire
Warnings: Dutch is kind of toxic | Not edited
AN: Sorry it took me so long to get these written! I went through some nasty writer's block and decided to play the game a little to help out but all that did was distract me for a week. This is definitely pretty roughly written -
I'm also a huge slut for angst with comfort, though, so I hope you like these! <3
---> Requests are open! Check out guidelines if you have any questions
<><><><>
Arthur Morgan:
Arthur gets frustrated easily when he feels like he’s not being listened to or understood. It’s not really anyone’s fault, but his emotions can get the better of him and he’ll say something that he doesn’t mean.
“You got bait for brains or are you just being an idiot for fun?” (or something like that)
You know in the back of your head that he doesn’t mean it, and he regrets it the second the syllables bounce off his lips. Your brain can know something but your heart will still hurt all the same.
Usually when Arthur is getting too big for his britches with you, you can shut him down and put him in his place. It’s something he highly respects about you - not putting up with his bullshit when he gets like that. Sometimes, though, your eyes will start to water and you can’t say anything without feeling a lump in your throat constricting your vocal chords.
You have to turn and walk away or else you’ll cry in front of him. That would just make everything worse.
Seeing your form retreating, knowing that you’re running off because you’re hurt rather than angry, made Arthur’s chest grow heavy with guilt. His first instinct is to follow after you and hold you until you’re feeling better.
But since he’s the one who hurt you, he just lets you walk away and he goes to pout since he thinks he deserves to be outcast for a little while.
He’ll give you as much space as he can bear, avoid you for an hour maybe two, but he comes crawling back with those puppy dog eyes and a singular wild flower in his fist.
He’ll go to his cot where you’re sitting with his hat in your lap. You stopped being upset five or ten minutes after the argument. Once you took a few deep breaths you understand, but you also had to understand that Arthur would come back to you after he was done punishing himself.
So you waited.
When you saw him approach with that sheepish expression and slouched posture your heart bled for him. He was a brute and an ass at times, but he meant well.
“’M’sorry, Darlin’,” He’d mumble and get on his knees in front of you. “I didn’t mean it, I never mean it.”
He places the flower in your lap by his hat and gazes up at you. His hair is long and falling in front of his eyes a little, so you brush the strands away from his forehead to get a better look at him.
His blue eyes are a little red and there’s a deep crease in his forehead from an hour or so of constant worrying.
“You can be so mean sometimes, Arthur Morgan,” You scold him lightly and he sighs, nodding.
“I know.”
He spends the rest of the week making it up to you. Truly it doesn’t matter exactly what was said or what the argument was about, when you are truly hurt by his words/actions it kills him.
He’ll punish himself for a bit then come back ready to spoil you with words, presents, kisses, and anything else you could possibly ask for.
John Marston:
He’s constantly arguing with you about something. A lot of the time he just picks at you to get a rise out of you - he thinks it’s funny.
Things can get out of hand quickly with him if he grates on a nerve of yours and you bite back though. His first instinct is to give a smartass retort and it just spirals into a full-blown fight from there.
“John Marston you are a pig!”
You storm off and hide in your tent for a while. He’s just standing there dumbfounded. He starts asking himself why he let it get to that point, why did he have to open his big ol’ mouth and antagonize you?
He tries to get you to talk to him, he’ll pace in front of the tent and start calling your name nicely. He won’t ever open the flap though, he doesn’t want to invade your space and risk riling you up anymore.
When you ignore him he’ll eventually get the hint and wander off.
He tries to figure out something to do while he thinks about how to make it up to you. He offers to help Arthur out with any bounty hunts or little jobs, he’ll offer to take Bill or Lenny into town, or he’ll just pick up extra shifts of being on lookout for the camp.
When you finally come out he has to restrain the urge to run to you and scoop you up, demanding that you forgive him so that he can stop pouting.
He does drop whatever it is he’s doing to approach you and makes small talk to test the waters.
“How are you?”
“Fine, John.”
“That’s good… You still mad at me?”
You roll your eyes and try to walk away, but he shoots out and grabs your hand before you can get too far. He doesn’t hold you tightly; his fingers gently encase your own, if you wanted to leave you could easily. But, you falter with your back turned to him and wait for him to speak.
“I’m sorry, really. You know I’m an idiot.” He’s practically whining as he says it, begging for you to look at him.
You turn your head slightly to give him a side glare. At first, the sight makes his heart drop into his feet and he thinks he really screwed up this time, but when a small smirk starts to quirk the corner of your mouth upwards he lets out a low sigh.
“You are cruel,” He chuckles and tightens his grip as he pulls you into his arms and wraps you up in a bear hug.
Your laughs are loud and genuine as he twirls you around, pressing chaste kisses to your cheeks as he does so. Your voices echo throughout the camp once again.
Everyone in camp knows what’s going on with you and John whether you’re fighting or making up, your business is everyone else’s.
Dutch Van Der Linde:
I want to start out by saying Dutch never actually apologizes when you two fight. He’ll buy gifts, say pretty words, whisper sweet nothings, and all the like, but the words “I’m sorry” have never left that man’s lips in his entire life. He will not start now.
Dutch’s obsession with the O’Driscoll’s can cloud his judgment on many things, it makes him blind to reason. Further than that, it makes him hateful and sometimes just plain mean.
He trusts you, he loves you. So, you’re stuck listening to his plans and his grievances with the gang, the law, the O’Driscoll’s, and any other misfortune he has had to endure in his life.
He’ll go on and on, plotting, groaning, whining. One night, after being sat on his cot for hours, you’ve had enough. You beg him to do anything but complain and come up with a half-brained plan to get rich quick.
It hits a nerve and he blows a fuse.
“You don’t understand what’s at stake, do you?” He’s practically yelling. “It’s so easy for you - I spoil you!”
You’re stunned into silence as he shouts at you. You didn’t expect him to blow up.
“Get out of my tent, get out of my sight!” He sends you away. In a daze you stumble out of the tent and into the dark camp.
There’s a few people still up wandering around. Mary-Beth is singing by the fire and Kieran is trying to sing with her, but doesn’t really know the words. Your feet start moving on their own and you take a seat across from the two at the fire.
“What’s going on, gunslinger?” Karen shuffles to a seat beside you and settles down. Mary-Beth’s singing falters for a minute but she continues on, just quieter.
“Dutch is pissed.” You mumble, staring into the flames.
“When is he not? Have a drink,” Karen shoves a bottle of beer into your hand and watches as you take a long swig. She continues, “Have some fun without him for once.”
The night takes a turn from there. You sing and dance and laugh. A few more people join in until it’s gone from moping around the fire to a proper party around it. Javier even brings out the guitar. The noise is enough to draw Dutch from the dark hole in his tent to see what’s going on.
When he sees you, the tears on your cheeks have dried and your face is flushed from the drinks, he can’t help but feel a little guilty. To him, afterall, you were just naive. You didn’t understand what was truly going on in the camp, didn’t understand his plans.
He creeps out of the tent and sneaks up behind you as you’re dancing along to Javier and Mary-Beth. When a pair of arms wraps around your waist, you let out a little squeal.
Dutch spins you around so that you’re facing him, your bodies pressed flush together causing a heat to flare in your stomach.
“My beautiful dancer,” Dutch mumbles and presses a soft kiss to your lips. You don’t fight, don’t ask any questions. You’re just happy that he seems to be sorry for what he did. He’s holding you after all of that, kissing you. He must be sorry, and so are you.
When he pulls back you gaze at him with half-lidded eyes. “I’m sorry, Dutch.” You whisper.
“Hush now,” He starts swaying as he holds you, leading you into a dance.
Your fight is practically forgotten by the end of the night. In the early hours of the morning, everyone is stumbling back to their respective beds. Stomachs are full and heads will be aching come noon, but to you it was all worth it. So long as you and Dutch aren’t fighting anymore.
Javier Escuella:
He hates fighting. I mean not in general, but just with you.
He won’t allow himself to be taken advantage of or walked all over, but if there’s some stupid argument that’s making you mad he will roll over and apologize. Just to keep the peace.
He loves you more than he loves being right, and if it makes you happy to just admit that then so be it.
When y’all do fight, though, it’s over something big. Stupid quarrels are so rare that the first time anyone catches wind that the two of you had a falling out it shocks half the camp to the core.
Javier would only truly get upset with you in a life or death situation. Like when you decided to not tell anyone you were heading into town really quick and met a few O’Driscoll’s in the general store.
When you saw them you recognized them as few that had gotten into a fight with Javier in town a few weeks ago. Javier let them walk away to save face, there was a large group of witnesses that would have pretty much guaranteed him an execution if he had taken their lives.
Your heart skipped a beat as one of them turned to look at you, but they left shortly after you entered the store and you prayed that would be the end of it.
After you finished at the store, though, you walked through the door to find the three men standing in the road before you. Their arms were folded across their chests and their legs spread in a dominant stance.
You clutched the items you bought to your chest and tried walking away from the trio, but one of them called out and made you stop in your tracks.
“You’re one of Dutch’s people ain’t you?” The tallest one said. It wasn’t really a question, he knew who you were.
“And what’s it to you, mister?” You shot back, reaching for the dagger in your belt.
“I’ve got a few questions for you about your boss.” The three of them started moving towards you. They surrounded you and backed you to the wall of the general store. You whipped out your dagger to tell them to back off, but it wouldn’t do much against three of them - you knew that and so did they.
The only reason you had made it out of that situation without even a scratch was because Arthur happened to be riding through town on his way back to camp and noticed the commotion.
He brought you back to camp, and that’s where you saw Javier standing at your cot with this arms crossed and a scowl darkening his features.
“What the hell were you thinking?” He practically shouts at you.
You didn’t mean to, you held them back as long as you could, but tears start flowing freely down your face in large, hot drops.
Javier’s scowl disappears almost immediately. He didn’t expect you to cry. Maybe yell back or explain yourself, but not cry. He drops his arms and grabs both of your hands in his.
“Are you okay?” His voice is low and laced with worry. Arthur got to him first and told him what happened briefly, so he knew you weren’t physically hurt, but other than that he didn’t know what happened.
“They surrounded me. I was - I was so scared, Javier.” Your throat was thick and it was hard to speak. Javier embraced you, rubbing your back and holding the back of your head as you cried harder into his shoulder.
“You’re safe now,” He assures you and presses soft kisses into your hair.
He spends the next few days feeling guilty for being mad at first.
You tell him you understand his reaction and that you were sorry,but he just says sorry back to you and claims he shouldn’t have been angry when you were scared.
You’re both equally sorry, I guess.
After that, though, Javier refuses to let you go anywhere alone. You don’t have to go with him but you have to have a traveling buddy in case anything like that happens again.
Charles Smith:
Doesn’t fight with anyone, really.
Sure, you can get mad at him and yell and hold a grudge, but he just lets you figure your emotions out from afar if that’s what you need. He gives you space when you need it, attention when you want it, and does anything that he can for you.
He loves you more than anything in the world, so when you’re mad at him it eats away at his insides until you make up. He’s literally the consent king, though, and will wait for you to come to him before he initiates anything.
It feels like he doesn’t care sometimes. It drives you crazy that he doesn’t chase after you and try to make up with you then and there or rectify the situation immediately, which turns into another argument.
“Do you even give a shit what I feel?” You frown at him one morning after a small argument that he just brushed off from the night before. He assumed since you slept with him in his bedroll, that meant you were over it.
“I love you! What are you talking about?” He rubs at the little stubble on his chin in exasperation.
“You never listen you just say ‘okay’ and move on. You don’t learn that way, Charles. You roll over and the same thing will keep happening because you aren’t listening.” You try to explain yourself. Charles nods but you can’t tell if he actually gets what you’re trying to convey since he never acknowledges it more than that.
You sigh and get up.
“I need a minute, come talk to me when you can.” You walk away from him and towards Miss Grimshaw doing the laundry.
Charles just stays where he is and lets out a long deep sigh. He thought it would be better for him to just agree with you, it would make you happy to be agreed with rather than continuing to fight over something so trivial.
He hasn’t been with the group for a super long time, but he’s created a strong bond with Arthur. So, that’s who he goes to to ask for advice on the whole situation.
Charles relays as much as he can back to Arthur and the cowboy just starts to chuckle at the absurdity of the conversation. He’s used to people coming to him for advice (he doesn’t really get why), but the situation with you and Charles came out of nowhere for him. He didn’t realize you two fought ever.
“No relationship is perfect, Charles.” Arthur suggests.
That’s literally no help to him so Charles walks off and tries thinking what to do. He comes up with nothing, though. Which makes him frustrated.
He starts walking towards you. You look up and see his determined face and scrunched brow and excuse yourself to meet him halfway.
“We need to talk.” He says, his words are intense but his gaze is still soft. You aren’t scared of him anyways.
“I think we do.” You reply and follow him to a private area right outside of camp.
The whole time he goes off about how he doesn’t get what you want from him. What you expect him to do or say when you get mad or annoyed.
“I just want to know you care about me and my emotions.”
“Dear, I care about you more than anything in the world. More than life itself, why do you question it?” He’s basically pleading with you to understand him, to finally see that just because he isn’t as forward with every single thought (good or bad) on his mind doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or your emotions.
It takes little to no time for you to throw your arms around him in an embrace and mumble an apology into his hair.
Even your big fights aren’t really fights.
Sean MacGuire:
Sean does stupid stuff all the time. Literally he does stupid stuff more often than he does anything smart.
Especially when he’s drunk.
One night a small group of some of the gang decided to head into the saloon in town for a drinks for the night. You and Sean were always up for a good time and tagged along - obviously.
It presented opportunity for a little pickpocketing as well (if you didn’t get too drunk and sloppy to do it).
Everything went well for the first hour. Drinks were shared among the group and laughs were bellowing through the air with a contagious warmth. Better yet, no one seemed to be testing the waters and starting a bar fight.
Sean had his arm around you the entire night. He claimed it was to let all the scoundrels at the bar know that you were his and no one should even try to stake a claim to you.
You rolled your eyes but stayed nestled in the spot.
That is, until you were pulled away by your bladder. All the drinks were catching up to you and you slipped from under him to run to the restroom really quick.
When you came back, though, a working woman had taken advantage of your absence to catch Sean’s attention.
In his drunken state, Sean couldn’t even realize that the weight of the woman beside him wasn’t the same as when you were sitting there before. He didn’t say a thing as her arms wrapped around his torso or when she ran her fingers through his longish hair.
Tears fill your eyes almost instantly. You try to blink them away and get a better look at the scene in front of you, but it doesn’t change. It only gets worse as her lips start leaving rougey red stains on his neck.
“Sean!” You shove at his shoulder. When he sees you in front of him, his bleary red eyes turn to the woman beside him. His brain takes a minute to put two and two together, but by the time he has figured the situation out you are pushing through saloon patrons to get out into the night air.
Sean sobers up immediately. He pries himself out of the grasp of the other woman and follows your trail out the door.
He calls your name over and over again until he finally finds you sitting on the street corner crying into your knees.
“Please, Love!” He approaches you and your head whips up at the sound of his voice.
“You stay away from me you dog.” You snap and get up. You’re still pretty drunk as well however and you wobble and nearly fall over at the sudden movement.
Luckily Sean catches you by the arm before you can tumble into the dirt.
“I didn’t know she was there, honest. Thought you was there beside me.” He lifts a hand to your cheek, ready to brush away some of your tears, but you turn your cheek and shrug him off.
“Sure.” You say and try to walk away. He catches your arm again and turns you towards him once more.
“Honest, Love. Why would I pay for sex anyways - I’ve not a penny to me name and you give it to me for free.”
The sentiment was there, but definitely not the right thing to say.
You have to physically restrain yourself from hitting him upside the head at his words.
He sees the struggle on your face as soon as he says it and clamps a hand over his mouth.
“Sean MacGuire you bastard!” You shout at him, but can’t help a weak laugh from erupting from your throat at the end.
“I didn’t mean that, oh lord I didn’t.” The terror in his face only causes you to laugh harder.
The laughter surprises him and even yourself, so much so that the both of you are laughing. Though you don’t really understand why.
“If you ever-“ You say with a mocking glare, “Ever do something like that or say something like that again, I am leaving you Sean MacGuire.”
“I wouldn’t blame you one bit,” He says somberly, still with a small smile.
<><><><>
I didn't write for Sadie because I genuinely could not think of a situation for her or how she would be, my brain died halfway through writing Sean's. I'll just have to write some Sadie focused hc's next time teehee~
on my third playthrough of rdr2 and i cannot bring myself to play low honour. why do i put myself through this?
also this is ridiculously long, got a little carried away but i shall not apologise
rating: explicit
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is always gentle with you at first
delicate touches, lingering kisses, gazing eyes at your every movement or ministration
"what do you want, mi amor? tell me"
loves to hear you beg for him, want him
it just turns him on even more
dirty talk through the ROOF
this man knows how to talk you through it
"fuck you feel amazing, hermosa. yeah, just like that, huh? anything for you"
will eat you out for days if he could
never really tried it before, even when he lived in Mexico, he never really gave it a go
but with you, he wanted to try everything. whatever you wanted, he was up for it
so when you first asked him, he was nervous as hell, but willing to try
he found out he loved it and does it every single fucking time he had you all to himself
buries himself between your thighs like a man starved, his arms wrapped tightly around your thighs to keep you still
his tongue worked fucking wonders on your pussy, knowing exactly where to focus his attention, loving how you always moaned a little softer when his tongue dipped inside your cunt
fucks you slow, savouring the moment when he can
loves to have you riding him. seeing you on top spurs something inside him
his hands grip your waist fiercely, guiding your hips to grind against him, pulling sweet, elicit moans from your throat
loves to cut your clothes from your body with his knife
it's so much more satisfying than just taking them off with his hands
kinda likes quickies. prefers taking his time but there's something about pulling you away for a few minutes to have his way with you behind the protection of a tree or something that he loves
usually happens out on missions, so there's risk of the gang seeing you guys, but what's life without a little risk?
you could be on watch beside your tent while everyone sleeps, and javier will come over to keep you company
but it doesn't take long for his hand to slip into your pants as he whispers all sorts of things in your ear as he sits behind you while you try and continue your watch duty
was terrible at aftercare before, never really understood the in's and out's of it
but learned eventually with you, when you explained it to him
now he's at your beck and call whenever you need it
wear this man's hat around camp and that's all he needs to pull you to a secluded tent
but wear it while you fuck him? arthur would die happy in that exact moment
likes to call you 'cowgirl' when you ride him. you always roll your eyes at how stupid it sounds, but it doesn't stop him
the two of you don't have all the time in the world. being one of dutch's most trusted members, he's needed away from camp a lot more than anyone else
so you've both learned the art of being fast
and it doesn't take long for him to make you cum
never asks for them, but loves blowjobs
he likes to draw in his tent when he's got time to himself, so when he sees you come in and sink to your knees in between his lap, he can't think of a better sight
the absolute king of praises (have you heard how he talks to his horse?? imagine him talking to a woman oml)
not a fan of degrading, he never saw the appeal, but uses other methods to 'punish' you
"what do you want, darlin?" he'd say as he's fucking you from behind, your face pressed into the pillow to stifle your moans, your ass in the air held up by his hands on your hips. "oh babygirl, you wanna cum, huh? then you can beg me for it, can't you?"
will edge you for days
especially when he knows he's going to be away for a few days afterwards
definitely grabs the headboard
mainly for his own stability to be able to thrust into you harder as you moan his name into the room
has his hands on you at all times
holding your hands above your head by your wrists, holding your face against the mattress with his hand on the back of your neck, curling his fingers in your hair and gently yanking your head back when he pounds into you
when you do get a night away from camp, he wants to make it last the whole night
takes his time with you to the point where he's practically teasing you for hours
takes his time undressing you, kissing every part of your body, touching every part of you until his fingerprints were practically imprinted into your skin
give this man some guidance or it's like walking through a maze blindfolded
learned a lot with you
figured out really quick what you liked and what you didn't like, what places he could touch you that would send your head spinning
this eventually led him to learn how to be very sneaky in public
he could touch you in such simple places, in such an innocent way that no one else would think anything of it
but you'd know, and you wouldn't stop it
you like the way he touched your neck? he was all over that shit, cupping your cheek, his fingers tickling your neck
you liked his hands in your hair? his fingers tangled at the base of your neck, pulling your hair slightly to tease you
his hand would rest on your thighs, fingers slowly creeping up your thigh while you were all sat around the campfire
you'd always give him a little glare, which he would ignore, a goofy smirk on his face
and the way he fucked you was no different
he had mastered the art of teasing your body and your limits, and put that knowledge in every time he had you alone
"come on, marston. stop teasin' me like this"
he'd always smirk, working his way down your body in a painfully slowly manner
"i'm takin' my time with you, sweetheart. you just lay back and relax. lemme take care of you"
loved to make you feel good before he even thought about himself
but when he was too pent up, he came a lot quicker than he wanted
but he made up for it when tending to you afterwards until you were practically pushing him away, too sensitive for his expert fingers
not the best at going down on you, but makes up with experience
but what he's really good with is his hands
his fingers
they know exactly what they're doing when he pushes them inside your soaked pussy
curling at that devastating spot inside you that makes you crumble to your knees
loves to be on top of you, seeing your face contort when he pushes inside you slowly, deeply
he's basic, a lover of missionary, but seeing your face and watching your body writhe under his grip is really what turns him on
can you do sex headcannons for the members of the gang? Only ones you're comfortable with obv. Personally, I don't care much for Micah (I want to set him on fire) so feel free to leave him out if you don't feel like writing for him
But the usual Dutch, John, Javier, Arthur, Charles, and anybody else you feel like are just perfect.
I love your writing, so I'm excited to see your take on these
<3
Sex HC Ft. Van Der Linde Gang
(Dutch Van Der Linde, John Marston, Javier Escuella, Arthur Morgan, Charles Smith, Lenny Summers, Kieran Duffy, Micah Bell, Sean Macguire, Sadie Adler)
I should write for the girls more
Warnings: Smut, duh
Dutch Van Der Linde
He probably loves roleplaying
Pretending he's the outlaw and you're the officer punishing him
But most times he loves being in control of you, thinks it's so attractive when you submit completely to him and become his pliable little servant
Likes it when you wear expensive jewelry and gifts he buys you with nothing else on
Definitely wants you to call him Sir
Says the most poetic and flowery things to you during
Probably enjoys receiving but LOVES giving head. Views it as another way to take control
Quickies with him are non existent. To him, sex and intimacy are an art, and he will take his time with every little detail and aspect of it
Enjoys playful brattiness, definitely a brat tamer
I can see him being into BDSM. Ball gags, leather crops, leashes, blindfolds, etc
John Marston
Super messy, super rough, super desperate
Pussy eating pro. I'm talking mind blowing, back arching, toe curling, sheet gripping head. ALWAYS asks if he can go down on you
Acts like every time you two have sex will be the last
On the contrary though, I feel like he'd be into edging
Also doesn't mind letting you be dominant, he has such submissive energy
Mayhaps a mommy kink, because I can also see him calling you mommy
Would let you tie him up, totally at your mercy
He loses any semblance of shame, will beg, cry, whimper, you name it
Could consent to just about anything, if you tell him to bark he'll bark
Gets carried away when during sex sometimes, just gets absolutely drunk from pleasure
Javier Escuella
Incredibly romantic and passionate
He can fuck, but he can also make love
So much sexual stamina, and makes every time you have sex absolutely unforgettable
Loves to make sure you are as comfortable as possible and feel as though you have enough privacy. Even if it means paying for a hotel, he'll do anything to ensure your comfort
But if you wanna have risky public sex he's more than willing to as well lmao
Holds you and whispers how much he loves you while he thrusts slowly
But if y'all are fucking he'll say the filthiest shit he can conjur up in his mind while thrusting as hard and fast as he can
Slaps and grips anything he can hold onto
Overwhelms all of your senses and stimulates you in multiple ways at once
Loves cumming inside you but if not inside then on your torso or face
Arthur Morgan
Loves putting his whole weight on you when y'all fuck
Just simply pinning you down with the size of him drives him crazy
Is such a gentleman even during sex. Always stops and asks how you are and if you like how he's doing
Insists you don't have to go down on him but secretly loves it when you do
His favorite positions are ones where you're totally helpless like mating presses or locking your arms behind you
Whenever he fucks you from behind he wraps his massive arm around your neck. Idly squeezes down on your neck
Enjoys sex totally naked, makes it feel more intimate exposing yourselves fully to each other
But he loves it if you wear cute outfits for him just so he can take it off you
But he absolutely loves quickies. Complains they're too risky but every time you suggest one he's unbuckling his belt before you can finish your sentence
Definitely does the knee thing
Charles Smith
He is a pure giver. You will always cum at least 3 times or else he won't feel like he did a thorough job.
Will ignore his own aching cock as long as he can see you squirm in ecstasy
Your pleasure is his pleasure
Doesn't care if he doesn't get to cum tbh
Definitely aware of his size and uses it to his advantage if you're into that
Cages you in his arms, holds you down, puts you in choke holds, etc
I feel like he'd be pretty vanilla and you'd be the one to bring kinks to the table if anything. Will honestly do most anything you want if it brings you pleasure
Soft but firm touches, like every touch is done with intent and thought
Type to make out with you for hours without any actual stimulation and be content. Will see you off with the bluest balls.
Lenny Summers
He's still pretty young so I believe his experience would be limited
You two are probably eachother's first everythings, atleast you're his
Probably cums real fast but makes up for it with enthusiam
Will try out so many things with you, the two of you will both bring ideas to the table
Tries to start things off slow but his excitement gets the best of him
SO MUCH communication and talking during (feedback, jokes, etc...)
Very forward with his needs
Asks for hand/blow jobs a lot to blow off some steam
Very fast learner, and probably very risky
I feel like he'd ask to finger you a lot in risky situations
There's been instances where he just forgets foreplay altogether and just wants to go at it
Kieran Duffy
Submissive as hell
Definitely whimpers
Let's you take the lead 99% of the time
Will cum within five minutes max, and it really takes it out of him
Super sensitive literally everything. Touch him anywhere and he's blushing and squirming
Loves it if you wrap your thighs around his head
That being said, enjoys face sitting
Feels reassured when you tell him what to do and help him in the process
Hands roam all over you, it's like he can't fathom that you're a real being that's actually doing this with him
Eyes roll back and his face goes red when he cums. He's super embarassed about it
Micah Bell
SO rough. Drags you into position and commands you to do certain things
Likes slapping, hair pulling, spitting, I feel like he'd even be into piss. All of the above would go both ways for him.
Hate sex with him goes crazy ong. And after arguments? Just fucking all your anger away
Into degrading for sure
Sex is definitely the best emotional release for the both of you without actually hurting eachother
He's into marks. That entails scratches, bites, bruises
Make him bleed, literally beat the shit out of him during sex and he'll let it slide
Sex is a constant battle for dominance
Probably makes you do embarassing things for him like bark
Also puts you in obscene and embarassing positions just for his own pleasure
If anyone ever heard y'all have sex they'd think it sounds more like an argument and a fist fight than love making
Sean Macguire
The goofiest man during sex, not even intentionally either. He'll say the stupidest thing you've ever heard with his whole chest and you'll have to ask if he's serious
"You ready for the Macguire special?"
Loud ass moans, cannot contain them. If you're into public sex you better either prepare to be caught or mentally prepare yourself for the influx of scoldings/questions that'll come later
LOVES playful brattiness or when you want to take control. He's all for it
Has fantasies of being woken up with head
Will do the same for you in return if that's what it takes to enact his fantasies
Also into roleplay but way cornier shit like you're a nurse and he's a patient. Indulges in costumes as well
Drunk sex is the best because it's combining two of his favorite things
Sadie Adler
Also definitely does the knee thing...
Genuinely one of the sweetest and more passionate lovers, and it will translate during sex
Super gentle and passionate
Lot's of "I love you"s exchanged
Never any space between you, your limbs constantly intertwined as you kiss and move against eachother
Either of you can take the role as dom, it doesn't matter to her
Smiles the whole time out of pure adoration for you
Can be super sultry and kinky when the time calls for it though
Not opposed to being a little rougher but I can't see her going too far with that
Thinks you're far too delicate and special to be treated in such a way
does he like cuddling? is he shy about it at first? does he slowly find himself craving more cuddles and just wanting to be close to you? would he just let you crawl into his bed and hold you without a word if he knows you’ve had a hard day?
Headcanons: Arthur Morgan x reader (cuddling)
Once he knows you're comfortable with it, it's instinctual for Arthur to wrap his arms around you.
He's not a fan of PDA, but once you're in the confines of his tent, it's a different story entirely. He always pulls you to bed with him, holding you in his arms until you're both asleep.
At first, he's a little hesitant to touch you. He wants to, but he worries about making you uncomfortable. It isn't until you actually take his hands and wrap them around your body that he's sure, and then every night after, you fall asleep tucked into his chest.
He likes to run his hands up and down your back, gently scratching and massaging under your chemise until you fall asleep. Even after you're out, he places little kisses to your forehead and whispers to you about his day.
He likes being the big spoon. It makes him feel good to hold you like that. He feels strong, like a protector, keeping you safe and warm. He knows that you also like to sprawl out on his chest, and he loves the position because your soft weight on his chest calms him.
"What? Me? I don't know- I guess we can try it if ya really want to..." He says the first time you ask to be the big spoon. He's worried about his masculinity (🤭), but you only chuckle, rolling your eyes as you pull him into bed with you. Once the rather grumpy man gets in the bed, you excitedly climb over him, wrapping your legs around his own and your arms around him. Once he gets over being uncomfortable and leans into your touch, he realizes it feels damn nice to be held. He'll never admit it, but you can tell by the way he eases into your touch, his back resting comfortably against your chest. He reaches a hand back to hold your thigh, and falls asleep like that as you run your hands through his hair.
When he knows you've had a rough day, he comes to bed with open arms, ready to hold you tight until you feel better, muttering "S'okay, darlin. I gotcha now."
Overall, cuddling is his favorite. He loves to be close to you, to have his hands around you. All the weight lifts off his shoulders as soon as you're snuggled against him, and he can just focus on being with you <3
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