CPT 004: For Life
"Everything isn’t going to be easy, but I’ll protect you, for life."
Locking the door after herself, Hana left behind empty walls filled with desperate longing to belong somewhere, to be noticed and a faint echo of Hosung. She was still trying to escape from the jaws of destiny, without realizing of how she had woken up to a new dawn. After all this time, where she had put herself behind the trail and had found nothing, Hana had unlocked the door to all of her questions, and hopefully just she was going to choose the right route.
Knowing of how her father would have scolded her for not wearing any gloves, there was a small smile evident on her pale lips. Tucking the jaw to nose into her bright red scarf, she knew of how she always preferred to have no gloves. It had always made her feel more alive, sensing this crispy cold biting down to her skin and bones. It was the only reminder to continue fighting, even if it was deep within her mind for the time being.
The front gate made a sharp sound and shivers ran over Hana's spine as she was walking towards Han River, towards that very same spot, where Hostung had left a stain of blood, eaten by the grass underneath all of the snow that had fallen in this short period of time. Somehow it felt different this year, somehow the pain in her heart was ready to give in. Hana just wished to be completely numb, but she had always been hesitating to take that step and succumb to that single, needy wish. Perhaps it would've been easier, but because of her brother, she wanted to re-live everything over and again - as a reminder just like cold against her skin.
Being the predator pretending to be one of the lambs was a lot harder than Hana had ever expected, but time makes everything better. She was going to find him no matter what, but that poor child didn't know from where to even start. All the previous attempts had failed and she had hurt herself the most in that process. For three years she had been as if on automatic course, doing everything in calculated manner. Acting out as the one, who was just like the rest of the people around her - happy, smiling and forgetting of ever meeting anyone that once used to be part of their lives. She kept thinking if it was easier to actually not to recall any memories, and there were moments where Hana actually wished from the bottom of her heart that she was like everyone else.
Before reaching to that park beside river, to that exact place, Hana had to go to a certain flowershop, standing rather lonely beside apartment building. It is small, and overgrown with ivy, that during summer had lucious pink blossoms. Wooden framed shop-name was on top of the glass door, covered by the plants, but Hana knew well enough of what those letters read: Sally & Lily. With racing heart, she felt somewhat at ease as she recalled the memory of how Hosung had wanted to become a florist, and the flower she was going to get was a rarity amongst all - most importantly, it was his most favorite one. It used to be his most favorite one. While other kids had laughed at him and called him a girl, Hosung had always been proud for his calling. Her brother had always been different in so many ways, although they shared the rune-marking and were known to be twins, but she also knew that this was something that had brought him to his misery and... doom.
She was supposed to not remember. She should have forgotten him and what had happened, just like everyone else around her, but just somehow... ...Hana had always figured if it was somekind of a punishment for her. But for what?
Standing in front of the door for a moment, light breeze played with her dark hair and made her sneeze, making a small sound as if she was a mouse. Her hand hovered over the copper doorknob, and for a strange reason she took a deep breath in before actually taking the step and walking in, just like she had done that all the previous years. "Ah! I have been waiting for you!" Same words as all the previous years.
The small shop owner spoke with a gentle smile, and added: "I've got your order ready, young lady." Hana had silently walked in, cheeks slightly pink and hair stuck on her forehead. "Did you know that the blossom is specially bright this year," Sally spoke again, wiping her hands clean with her yellow apron and headed to the back room, leaving silent Hana to mend on her own. "You probably won't have the time to stay for a cup of tea, do you?" A voice could be heard from the back, filled with soft hope for Hana to change her mind, finally.
The customer didn't reply, and in silence she walked around, her heart beating in the same rythm as the antique clock in the back, hidden by the magnificent greenery around it. The shop itself was as if an oasis in the midst of busy city, and it was somehow still functioning although Sally had always been picky about her customers. Perhaps too picky, but Hana liked it. She would've been extremely sad if this place was tainted by strangers, who didn't know their place. All those different exotic flowers and plants made her feel instantyl at ease. It was as if a jungle around there, and Hana's steps stopped under the window with growing ice-ornaments on it. Looking down, she saw that the kid-sized wooden, engraved table with two matching chairs were still there. Even the letters that Hosung once scratched into the surface of one of the chairs were present, although after that deed Sally scolded him heavily and told him that she would have to paint it over. It had happened right before he... died.
H + H = FOREVER TWINS
They indeed had been inseparable as any doting siblings would have been, specially with Hana having been born later.
She had crouched down and just stared at the letters, feeling the knot in her throat as she swallowed, hard and heavy, keeping her tears down. It was no place to cry. She had promised herself never to cry again, not after that day when she was holding onto that lifeless body of a beautiful human being she once used to call as 'brother' or 'Oppa'. Not after the moment, when she was ripped away by countless of hands and put to sleep by these weird men and women in white gowns. Oh how much she had shed tears that day and countless nights afterwards, even all the medications that she had been injected with hadn't stopped the flow of raw emotions.
"Tea? No tea?" Shopkeeper had appeared out of nowhere and made Hana jump up, nearly losing her balance. "I am sorry, but..," she replied, but was stopped by a sharp nod in the mid-sentence. "Don't worry, I understand." Hana had never stayed for a casual drink and chat, as she had always wanted to get over with the annual rememberance day, but this time she felt differently. She just might have decided to...
The doorbell made a chirping sound as that little bell sang its tune. "I'll be right back, Snowflower," Sally noted and checked the ancient clock in the back. Hana was unusually late that day and it was unsettling for the woman. Leaving the girl on her own again, Sally went to get her package, making Hana tilt her head and wonder of why Sally had always called her by that name. Sure, Hosung had called her the same, but... why was she a Snowflower? It was yet another mystery that needed solving, and her mother had never been around enough to ask.
"She is still here?" The delivery girl with hooded jacket, sunglasses and ripped jeans asked from Sally, who just nodded in reply and signed her order, digitally. Hana, who was confused, kept peeking from the back of the room. This day kept getting stranger by the minute. "Sally. Tell her," young woman, not much older than Hana, nodded towards the one in question. Finally waving, she left as soon as she had appeared. Sally, the woman whom had always looked the same as long as Hana was able to remember left that mysterious package on the counter, wrapped in worn-out, black paper and returned to her beloved visitor. "Who was she?" Hana cautiously asked, actually not that curious. "A mutual," she was replied to with simple answer, that didn't carry much information. There was a gentle smile shimmering back from Sally's silver eyes, though and that left Hana think back to it later at that day. Looking back at that small table and chair with those letters, she then made a decision. There must have been a reason of why Sally had always pestered her to stay for a tea, every single year. Then, suddenly and out of the natural rythm of time, she spoke the words that many people without Hana's knowledge had been waiting to hear. "I will have tea with you, Aunt Sally. You know, like we used to have it, when we... when I was six."
How was it that this place still held the memories of Hosung? How come the letters were still on that stool? How was it that they hadn't been taken from here as well? How come the trace of her brother was still so warm in here?
"Alright," Sally continued to smile, wrapped her arms around girl's shoulders and lead Hana into the backroom, where the table for two had been set, as if the woman knew that this year, finally, Lee Hana was ready to sit down and talk.