𝓜𝓲𝓻𝓪𝓮 @miraeeeey - Tumblr Blog

note: I'm not proud of some scenes in this chapter, sorry for being weird like that. ('''' •᷄ ᴗ •᷅ ) Just like the last time, some stylistic or grammatical changes may be made in the meanwhile.

Before you knew it, the whole week had flown by and the party was drawing nearer and nearer. Although it wasn’t that big of a deal, you spent a significant amount of time on preparations. Apart from getting into the right mood (which was quite difficult with all these worst-case scenarios popping up in your head every time you tried thinking about that event), you also had to choose an outfit, but it only made you compare yourself to others even more than usual. Your insecurities made themselves being felt and they were too strong to ignore. Overthinking and low self-esteem were haunting you even in such mundane moments, but you couldn’t let yourself get buried in those negative emotions. Not when you had already promised Mydei that you’ll go to the get-together with him. Because what kind of a friend wouldn’t keep the given word? You didn’t want to lose him for such a trivial reason again. Finally, after a long fight with yourself, you managed to choose what to wear, so waiting for the day that was making you so nervous was the only thing left to do other than mentally preparing yourself for it.

You met up with Mydei (or rather he came to pick you up) at the agreed hour. You decided to go to q by bus, so you strolled to the closest stop in order to take one.

The whole experience was so familiar, yet so odd at the same time. When you two were younger you used to do it quite often, going from one place to another, but at that time it felt somehow strange, even though there was nothing wrong with it. Maybe you just lost the habit of traveling with someone or became unaccustomed to his presence, which simply hurt. But you didn’t have enough energy to keep dwelling on it, you needed to focus on more important stuff. You tried so hard to remain calm and collected or at least to give that impression, but it was almost impossible in those circumstances. You didn’t remember the last time you were sitting so close to each other and as pathetic as it was, that state of things was driving you crazy. Your hands were trembling and you were worried that it was the case for your whole body, which would be embarrassing, considering that your arms and legs were touching. Not only that, you could feel your face burning, so you prayed that Mydei wouldn’t notice your weird behavior. In the end he didn’t say anything in that regard, so maybe it wasn’t that bad (or perhaps he didn’t have the heart to tell you about that and stress you even more).

You spent the trip talking about other guests invited by Phainon, so you could at least slightly prepare yourself for meeting them. You weren’t good at getting to know people, but you had to try not to make it too embarrassing. Anxiety was eating you alive, because you still weren’t sure what to expect from them and the party in general, but there was no turning back from it anymore.

After arriving at your destination you felt the tension growing. If Phainon considered everyone invited as his companions, they cannot be bad people, right? You didn’t know him for long, but he didn’t strike you as someone who would surround himself with problematic individuals. And most importantly, Mydei seemed to like them too and your faith in his words was concerning at times.

Luckily, the host of the event was the one who answered the door, so you didn’t have to worry about strangers at the moment of entering the flat, but you knew that the inevitable was coming. You had to show yourself from your best side, but you were afraid that your awkwardness would prevent you from doing so. Even though you two appeared before the appointed hour, it turned out you were the last ones to show up and everyone was already waiting for your arrival.

You introduced yourself to everyone, hoping that you did well and in response, they did the same. Of course you did check every single groupchat member out before the party and asked your friend about them, but you couldn’t confess it out loud. So instead you smiled and said that you would try to remember their names.

Initially you planned to stick with Mydei, despite believing that it would be an inconvenience for him (which obviously wouldn’t be true), but as you tried following after him, someone tapped you on the shoulder, so naturally you turned around to see what’s happening.

A pink-haired woman stood in front of you, but you weren’t sure how to address her: you had the recollection of her calling herself Cyrene, but you could swear that you had seen a different name on the list of participants, just like in Phainon's case. Not wanting to be rude, you decided to somehow get around that trouble and wait for someone else to call her. But you didn’t even have a chance to say anything, because she pulled you by your hand to go with her at once, while talking about “getting to know each other better with other pretty girls” and “having the girl talk” and frankly, you didn’t like the sound of it at all. The worst thing about that situation? It meant being separated from the person with whom you wanted to spend that evening the most.

As it turned out, Cyrene and Phainon are childhood friends. While you were able to relate to some of their experiences, there were many aspects of the said relationship that you wouldn’t even dare to consider and you were ashamed of just thinking about such possibilities. With each new memory shared by her you became more and more confused, because how could their friendship bloom into that direction? You were unable to grasp it.

On the one hand, such a development of a bond is perceived to be weird or even wrong by some people, but on the other hand, it’s only natural that this kind of connection can develop into something deeper.

So maybe you’re the problem after all.

The laughter and giggles were getting louder and louder, but you didn’t know whether it was caused by alcohol or the atmosphere itself and you were too lost in your thoughts to care about it. Your newly acquainted friends kept coming up with new topics to talk about, but you couldn’t fully focus on the conversation. It wasn’t like you didn’t want to join in, but you were struggling with finding the right words. Not to mention not having anything to add at times, which was a higher level of humiliation at your grown age. Saying that you didn’t have fun at all would be a lie, but the image of the whole party and what you were experiencing very much differed.

Suddenly, a loud bang tore you out of your thoughts.

At that point you should have expected anything, but nothing could prepare you for what you just witnessed.

Phainon was lying on the ground and next to him was an overturned chair. You immediately looked at Mydei to see what was going on, but he wasn’t in any better shape than his friend, he was barely hanging in there. The hour was still quite young, so how much did they have to drink in such a short time to end like that?

You didn’t have to think about it for too long, because the answer came almost instantly.

“Everyone… It’s all Mydeimos' fault.” Phainon declared, not even trying to stand up.

“My fault? Who-” Mydei had to pause to hold himself up “Who proposed this competition?” he sputtered out.

Wow, just wow.

Even when heavily drunk they were bickering. They really were worse than children when it came to such things. Who in their right mind would deliberately bring themselves to such a state and why?

With the help of Dan Heng and Caelus you all were able to take care of Phainon and put him to bed. Cyrene volunteered to take care of him and regularly check on him, so the only problem left was what to do with Mydei.

Anyone could tell that he wasn’t feeling well, but he was insisting that everything was fine, not moving an inch from his seat. He almost fell asleep a few times, but still tried so hard to stay awake.

You couldn’t watch Mydei suffer, so you tried again to persuade him to go lie down.

“Hey, De… Are you sure you don’t want to rest a bit?” you asked gently.

Silence.

“De, is everything alright?” you became even more worried than before.

Still no response.

“De, please, answer me…” you didn’t know what to do anymore. Why was he so stubborn?

“...Yes... I wanna.” he finally mumbled something.

“Okay, let me ask someone for he-”

“I can walk on my own.” he quickly interrupted you.

He hadn’t finished saying that sentence when he faltered, but you managed to help him keep his balance just in time. It seemed like Mydei was still able to control his strength and movement to some extent, because even though he was leaning on you, it wasn’t as noticeable as you thought it would be. The guest room wasn’t that far away, so you figured out that you could assist your friend with covering the distance without involving anyone else. But then, the sudden realization came: you were so close to each other. Too close, you’d say, but there was no other way to get that done, so you had to endure somehow. At least that time you could explain the blush on your cheeks with alcohol, but something was telling you that he wouldn’t notice it in his state anyway.

The guest room looked more like a storeroom than a bedroom, but it had that feeling of coziness. The bed was on the smaller side, but should be comfortable enough for one person. Plus it stood against the wall, so falling from it shouldn’t be that easy, at least in theory. You helped Mydei sit down, but he didn’t seem to be getting ready to fall asleep. He wasn’t looking well, so you wanted to bring him a glass of water, but the moment you tried to go he grabbed your hand.

“[Name]… Stay…” he murmured softly.

There was probably no point in discussing with a drunk person, so you did what he asked for and besides, leaving him alone in that state wouldn’t be a good idea anyway. You sat on the edge of the bed to take up as little space as possible, hoping that maybe your friend would eventually decide to lie down, but instead he was observing you.

After a while Mydei finally moved, but it almost gave you a heart attack, because his head was resting on your lap.

“W-What?!” you squealed, unable to say anything more.

If your face wasn’t red enough before, it became so at that moment. You did want him to rest, but neither you meant it like that nor you’d expect him doing something like that. What had gotten into him? He shouldn’t feed your delusions, but he was doing it all the time. He was driving you insane all the time. Didn’t he know that?

You tried to calm down by looking around the place, but it wasn’t doable at all, so you gave up. Mydei was sleeping, or at least it looked like that, so you focused on caressing his hair. It was still so soft and pleasant to touch. That feeling was so nice to the point that you could almost feel like you two were children again, if not for that one rather important detail that was making your head spin.

You decided to glance at your friend again and noticed that his shirt was rolled up, exposing a piece of skin, which reminded you of a little fact about him. You were very eager to check out whether it was still the case or not, so you stopped stroking Mydei’s hair to which he responded with a grunt. You paused your hands mid-air and looked in the direction where the sound was coming from.

“Don’t do that.” you could barely hear him.

“Don’t do what?” you asked innocently, as if you weren’t about to betray his trust.

“You know what I mean.” he said louder than a moment ago “Don’t even try doing that.” there was a palpable warning in his tone.

You ignored that and started touching Mydei on the exposed part of his body. You didn’t even need to tickle him to hear the stifled laugh before he sat up abruptly. He scowled at you, visibly flustered. It wasn’t your fault that you were curious if he was still as ticklish as he used to be. Not only that, your friend was the one who started it, so he shouldn’t blame you for returning the same energy. Maybe you didn’t play fair by using his weakness against him, but at least now you could watch his cute blushing face. Though it seemed like Mydei was getting more and more annoyed with each passing second without any reaction from you, so you just chuckled awkwardly, but it only fueled his irritation.

Did you ruin everything again? Sure, teasing him when he was so vulnerable wasn’t the brightest idea, but still, you didn’t want to make him angry at you. You should have restrained yourself as usual, but it was already too late for that.

You would probably sit there, drowning in despair, but Mydei got closer to you and unexpectedly hugged you.

His embrace was the same as you remembered: warm and comforting to the point it almost made you sob, because you missed it so much. You were so surprised by his action that it took you a while to reciprocate the hug, but when you finally did, you clung to him tightly as if you were afraid he might disappear at any second.

Suddenly, you felt yourself being lifted and before you realized it, you were straddling him, chest to chest pressed, because you were too slow to react in any way. Your heart was racing and you were unable to produce any coherent sound, yet alone form a thought. What the hell was going on?

“Please, never leave me again.” Mydei whispered after pressing his forehead to your shoulder.

You could feel his breath on your skin and the previously unknown sensation made you squirm in his arms, so he slightly strengthened his grip on you.

You thought you were about to faint at any moment. You wouldn’t admit it even to yourself, but maybe, just maybe, you did fantasize about such scenarios at times. But it was all in your head, so why would it happen out of sudden and in those conditions? You prayed that the alcohol would do its job properly at least once, because the vision of living with the knowledge that such a situation took place and both of you remember it was killing you.

The position you were in made you quite uneasy: you couldn’t explain it properly, but you felt somehow exposed in a way. And that goddamn lack of space between you two. You could smell Mydei’s perfume without even trying and embarrassingly, you did enjoy it. But then it came to you: if it was the case for you, it was definitely the same for him. Not only that, you were sitting on his lap, which meant that your whole weight rested on him and you felt utterly anxious because of it. What if you were too heavy for him or smelled weirdly? You wanted to sink into the ground just thinking about it. Knowing that you wouldn’t be able to crawl out of his embrace on your own you spoke to him, but there was no response, so you tried again. Again and again. Did he really fall asleep just like that?

After giving it a second thought, maybe it wasn’t that bad after all. Although you weren’t proud of how it happened, because you both were drunk and Mydei wasn’t in the best condition, you were cuddling. One of the hidden desires was fulfilled, so you shouldn’t complain, you acquired plenty of daydreaming material for some time. If only he had had his hands on you differently…

Wrapped in a blanket, you were lying curled up in bed. You woke up and the memory from a few hours ago hit you instantly, accompanied by your face heating up. So it wasn’t a figment of your imagination, which meant that that scene was about to torment you for months, if not years. You looked around the room, but Mydei was nowhere to be found, so you jumped out of the bed in panic to search for him. Weren’t you supposed to take care of him? Good job, really.

You found him and Phainon in the kitchen, acting as if nothing had happened the previous night. If someone hadn’t witnessed it, they wouldn’t believe that those two ended up being plastered just a few hours earlier. How fast was their regeneration? They both greeted you and you noticed a shift in Mydei’s expression after you joined them. Was he still feeling unwell? Or maybe he was also troubled by the recollection of what happened between you two, you couldn’t tell. Just thinking about it made your head hurt, so you tried moving your thoughts away from it.

Before leaving, you helped Phainon clean up his apartment and even back then you thought that something was wrong, but only the way home confirmed it. Mydei was avoiding eye contact with you and every time you caught him staring at you, he pretended he was looking in a different direction. That kind of behavior wasn’t like him, so you got worried. You were the one, who frequently acted like that, so it was quite unusual to see him like that instead, but such things happened at times. Mydei has always been on the more stoic side, even back in childhood (or at least he was more reserved than you), so strangers often assume he’s rude or doesn’t care, but it’s not true at all. While he tends to be blunt and take things literally, he’s considerate of people close to him and their feelings. He’s anything, but mean and he’ll always be gentle and compassionate in your eyes. Overhearing his mom calling him a crybaby teasingly a few times stuck to you, but you wouldn't tell him about it for anything. But it did, in fact, make you wonder if he was acting differently in your presence compared to when you're not around. You rarely saw Mydei cry in front of you, even when you were children. It was usually him cheering you up after you cried over even the smallest thing upsetting you and you felt bad for being unable to return the favor.

Should you address the thing that was on your mind all the time? While that… experience made you somehow embarrassed, you didn’t want to make a scene, because you knew that it wasn’t entirely his fault. Trying to excuse his actions also seemed wrong, but in the end nothing bad had happened, so it probably wasn’t worth getting worked up over this situation. And what if Mydei didn’t remember anything and he was in such a state because something else was occupying his mind? You wouldn’t forgive yourself for making him aware of something like that, because it could easily affect your friendship. The fact that you used to share almost everything with each other but now it was quite hard to tell what was happening in his head was bothering you greatly, but what could you possibly do about it? Some things had changed and you had to accept it, no matter how much you hated it.

You two finally arrived back in your neighborhood, which meant it was the time to part ways. You said your goodbyes as usual and you’re not sure what possessed you, but you spontaneously hugged Mydei and disappeared from his sight as quickly as you could. What were you doing with your life? Haven’t you had enough worries when it came to your relationship already?

The next few interactions between you two felt just awkward. You were fixating on that memory, something was still on his mind, accidental touches and longing gazing became more frequent, but it was all in your head, wasn’t it? Maybe you liked him a little too much than you should for your own sake, but it definitely wasn’t reciprocated, so why were you getting your hopes up? Mydei was deserving of someone better than you and as much as it hurt, it was a harsh reality. You were average at best when it came to both personality and appearance (someone would argue though), so why would you still dream about all those “what if” scenarios? You weren’t even a good friend to start with, so why did you think that you’d be any better as a partner? You had to stop doing that for your own sanity.

One day you received a message from Mydei asking if you could meet that evening, so obviously you agreed right away.

At first glance everything about him seemed to be fine, but knowing your friend for such a long time, you instantly noticed that he was a little nervous about something, which caught you off guard, because it was that rare for matters to visibly affect him. He didn’t prolong the greeting and went straight to the point.

“There is a festival next month that looks promising.” he stated and took a deep breath.

A festival? Was it really the thing that was bothering him? As someone who gets anxious about every small detail you shouldn’t judge, but you couldn’t help it and raised your eyebrow after hearing that sentence. Wait, next month…

“So I was wondering if you would like to go there with me.” Mydei added carefully.

Next month is his birthday. While you were already thinking whether you should gift him something for his birthday and what it should be, you didn’t expect him to attach such an importance to it. Everyone has expectations about their birthday and there’s nothing wrong with it, but he was never that troubled about it before.

“Sure. Is anyone else coming with us?” you blurted out.

“Just you and me. Is that a problem?”

Just you and me? Clearly, he didn’t mean it like that, did he?

“N-No, it’s absolutely fine.” you responded, brain already not working properly.

“Alright then, here are some more details...” his eyes lightened up when presenting the event to you.

It was as you expected, the said festival was happening around Mydei’s birthday, so you had to get something for him. You hesitated with buying anything for him due to the complicated nature of the relationship you stuck in. He was your friend and you wanted to let him know that he is important to you, so neither overdoing nor underdoing it wasn’t recommended. You had to come up with something that he would definitely like and it started to get a little overwhelming, because you didn't want to disappoint him. If he wanted to celebrate his birthday with you, you had to try very hard to make it a good day for Mydei, no matter the cost.

The whole gift-hunting almost made you forget about the other important matter: there will only be the two of you there, no one else. That’s how things used to look like when you were younger, but the older you got, the more it made you flustered, especially when people kept making all those jokes about you two dating. You hated yourself for thinking like that, but maybe you did want it to be the case, but obviously you couldn’t admit it to anyone, so you decided that secret would die with you.

As much as you were worried about another outing with Mydei, you looked forward to that day and even though you were scolding yourself for that, you hoped that he was feeling the same.

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note: I'm almost done with getting credits in this semester, so I had some time to finish the 4th chapter! ٩(>ᴗ<)و

Almost the entire February will be free for me, so I hope I'll be able to write a lot before locking in to finally start writing my BA thesis... My faculty hates its students and we do all that last minute. (╥ᴗ╥) But anyway, maybe I'll finally be able to get this degree...

Also, I have a question for my dear readers!

Do you have any headcanons regarding Mydei's date of birth? (╭ರ_•́)

I have a few ideas myself, but from what I've seen, the most popular ones are about him being either a(n) July/August baby, making him a Leo or Mydei being born in October, which associates him with number 10 even more. Oh, and there are people who consider his first baner date (March 19th) as his birthday. What do you think about it?

Thanks for stopping by! ヾ(>ω<○)

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