Dear Mira Grace

Lessons I want to pass on to my soon to be adopted daughter Mira Grace to spare her my story. Thoughts on body image, self image, worthiness, lessons learned about overcoming food addiction, putting proper fuel in not only your body but mind.

[mirasmama]

Sit. Lay down.

Sit. Lay down. They sound like dog commands, yeah? They were, are, for our oldest dog Lady, but I believe they are also invitations from our heavenly Father to us as His beloved children. Let me explain.

On our journey to finding you, Mommy got a little lonely; our new house got a little empty, a little too peaceful and quiet. So...Daddy got Mommy a puppy, and we named her Patience, in honor of our joyfully expectant wait for you. As you will, she turned Mommy's world upside down in an awesomely, amazing way. The house is still full of peace but not so quiet any more, and I love it.

So, this morning, on Patiences 12 week birthday, (after 3 weeks of adjusting to all the newness) I decided to spend some quiet time with Daddy. No expectations, no agenda, just sitting and listening and obeying. In the middle of it, Lady came up beside me on the couch and sat, then layed down, then was restless looking for attention, then sat, then laid down. And I heard Him whisper, "This is you. Whether you'll rest enough to sit or lay down or you're restless, you're beautiful. I enjoy sitting with you, just being with you, I love you."

And then before I could interrupt it, Patience, who is still being potty trained and had too much water, peed on the floor. And as I was cleaning up her mess, redirecting her to outside, I heard myself say, "Its ok Patience, together we'll get this." And I thought, how like our loving Father. Even after for 3 weeks, 3 mos, 3 years, 30 years of training us up, showing us the correct way, when we still mess up, He lovingly cleans up our mess, redirects us, and says, "Its ok daughter/son, together, we'll get this." And just like Lady could come up and rest by my side, and Patience could approach me to come rest in my lap, we can come to our Father right after we screwed up. He'll welcome us with open arms and look down on us lovingly as He smiles and thinks I love you with an unending love.

Love,

Mirasmoma

[mirasmama]

Our best pal

[mirasmama]

All the way down

Good morning dear one, This letter has been brewing for a few weeks, inspired by the best big sister any girl could have, Miss Ladybug, our beloved 18 lb. beagle. Of course she's adorable, always excited to see us, ready to play, obedient.  This would be enough to love her and have her warm our hearts; however, Lady has figured out another hidden element that takes our love from 211 to boiling over at 212 degrees.   Lady has an expectant posture.  She knows that Daddy and I love her (we've never given her a reason to not).  From the moment Rochelle placed her 4.5 lb runt of the litter self in my arms, I loved her.  I've never dropped her.  I held her close, nuzzled my nose in her warm puppy smell.  Since the day we brought her home, we've taken care of her every need at the highest and best level: filtered water from the #1 Espring filter, the best high quality, grain free food, training from arguably the best dog trainer in Cincinnati (ask me who!).  We're that couple that buys her treats and lets her cuddle by our feet at night so she's not alone, but rather, safe and secure.  We've learned her silent cues of when she needs to go potty, when she wants to play, to run and explore, to sit nestled right by our thigh, to be held, given a scritch.  She's come to trust us, and our care of her is never questioned, rather, its anticipated. As we've studied her, she's studied us (it's actually quite impressive).  She knows what time Mommy wakes up, (on weekdays and weekends) and she accommodates.  She'll lay by my feet and graciously give me a few more minutes of sleep, waiting patiently because she knows it's never if Mommy will take her out, it's when.  As I grab my purse to leave for the day, she puts herself in her cage (she knows I'll always be back to let her out).  She waits by the door at bed time with a look of "C'mon Mom, let's snuddle!" She knows her training collar doesn't mean bondage, it means freedom to run, and we're going to the park.  She knows her green bag means time to go play with other doggies and  her friend Virginia (www.unleashedcanineobedience.com). But there is one time she anticipates that warms my heart every single morning.   Breakfast time has become a routine.  After our morning potty, she runs to the kitchen in anticipation (her nails clicking across the hardwood floor) because she knows what's coming.  She doesn't demand or jump all over me and beg (she knows it's not necessary).  Instead, she lays down, ALL THE WAY DOWN.  In this gesture, she communicates so much with her posture and the look of her eyes.  "Mommy, I trust you, and I don't doubt you're going to feed me and give me fresh water (you've done so every morning of my life with you).  I know you like this, and you've done so much for me so I want to please you.  I'll wait patiently (with joyful expectation) because I know you won't leave me hanging; you never have.  If it's delayed, I know there's an important reason.  I'm so appreciative of how you have and will continue to take care of me.  Thank you Mommy.  I love you."  This posture makes me want to bless her.  Self check question.  Is this the posture I take with my Heavenly Father? Hasn't He never given me a reason to doubt His love?  Hasn't He never dropped me, held me in the palm of His hand?  Hasn't He never left me nor forsaken me?  Taken care of my every need (and even some of my wants)?  Sent His Counselor, Comforter?  Learned my cues?  Doesn't He know every hair on my head? Why then do I doubt?  Why am I not always excited to see Him, ready to play, obedient, with an expectant posture?  The answer is my new favorite realization (facetiousness implied): because I am human.  Because I live in the world.  Unlike Lady who with rare exception has lived in a protective bubble, I've been stung by the elements.  No matter, I have something Lady does not, the power of choice.   I can choose my input and therefore my thoughts.  I can choose to believe that my Lord and Master is also my Provider, my Healer, my Abba Father.  I can choose to believe that what He says about me is true, that He loves me.  I can choose to study Him and how He has and will care for me. I can choose to have child-like faith. https://youtu.be/FSol3_QZaaI Lady seems to be happier that way; I think I'll try it! C u soon dear one! Love, Mirasmama P.S.  I look forward to loving you the way we've loved Lady :)

[mirasmama]

Just as you are

Dear Daughter Mirako Grace, I was inspired by one of my dearest friends (stoked for you to meet her; she'll change your life!) this morning when she courageously shared her heart with me. I was so grateful she trusted me enough to do so.  I pray I can be a safe place for you to share your heart as she has been for me, and I am still learning to be for her and others entrusted to me to love.  I also pray you'll show me the grace she has when I fail forward.   Simple and profound as usual, she said, "I know you're trying to be funny, but this is all I've got.  This is who I am."  In the moment, I appreciated the weightiness behind the wound of my friend.  After I allow it to be cleaned and dressed, it allow me to be better for her and others.  It was a life changing moment, and she doesn't even know it.  She was saying take me or leave me as I am.  I'm not doing this for me; I'm doing it for you. Respect it or take nothing instead of what I can offer.  And I thought how many people entrusted to me have I left not feeling good enough?  In that moment, I turned the other direction and chose to walk down the path of awareness of how my actions affect others and appreciation for who they are as they are. A little while later as I thought about obedience I would act out later that night, for a moment I was nervous.  Then I remembered that like a musical instrument, I as an instrument of love am nothing for not the hands of my Creator; therefore, there's no pressure on me, only a calling to allow Him to play me.  And just like a cello will only appeal to some listeners and a piano to others, the song inside me is meant to touch certain hearts.   As a piano doesn't insist on being played with a bow and a cello with just fingers, there's no pressure to be anything more than He created us to be. Whether we are to be part of a solo following the direction of the conductor or the harmony of an orchestra, we can come as we are to be used how He sees best.  Broken strings, out of tune keys, as we are, doesn't matter. In His hands, we are all part of his grand concerto. I look forward to seeing the richness the chords inside you add and whose hearts you touch. Love, Mirasmama 

[mirasmama]

Anticipation

Good morning daughter,

So I awoke with a different focus yesterday morning: someone was coming.

Though it was only the garage door man, it was amazing how the anticipation of his arrival brought clarity.

I focused only on the essential to be done before his pending 8 am arrival.  What I wore didn’t matter, only that I was dressed.  It didn’t matter it’s Daddy’s role to reload the dishwasher or wash the clothes; it only mattered that it needed to be done so I did it without caring who got the credit.

The anticipation of your arrival has brought much of the same clarity to my days, a focus on what sets the best foundation for your coming.  I no longer care who gets the credit or whether “responsibilities” are divvied up fairly; I only ask which of my gifts and talents can I use to progress us closer to the goal of you being raised by your parents.

It’s all about asking the right questions.  Like when your silly Daddy tells me to be on orange alert to back him up if the spider he’s rescuing us from gets away.  What matters in this moment right now? Drop everything, focus , anticipate how I can back him up?  Ok silly example.

But here’s an entirely different perspective: what does our Abba Father want us to focus on in anticipation of our brother’s arrival on His white horse? What matters? What’s truly important? Most likely not what we think or spend our time on.

Does it matter if we’re showered, clean?

Truly, no because it is He who cleanses us from all unrighteousness, who washes us white as snow.  Without Him, are we truly clean?

Dressed? Adorned?

He clothes us in His righteousness. He gives us the garment of praise in exchange  for the spirit of heaviness.

Breakfast made and eaten? Lunch packed?

We are not to worry about what we shall eat or drink.  He knows the sparrow and every hair on our head.  He is a good good Father and gives us bread not a stone.  He is the bread of life.  Come to Him like children; we shall never hunger nor thirst.

Clothes and dishes washing, house tidied?

No.  These are things we do to put on appearances that we care more about than anyone else.  The garage door man didn’t care.  He was focused on his task at hand.  He didn’t even cast a glance at the sink.  If he had, would he have thought less had it been piled with dirty dishes? If he had thought less , will we ever see him again?

When Christ returns, even if the facts are we’re dirty, hungry and naked with an unkept house but we know Him, the truth is we’re white as snow, never hungry, clothed in His righteousness.  And all those seconds and minutes we’ve spent cleaning the outside don’t impress Him.  He cares about our insides.  He’d rather us sit at His feet, learn the sound of His voice so we can hear Him say, “Finally you made it.  I’ve been waiting patiently so I can tell you how much I love you and know you and did so before the foundations of the earth despite what you were ever going to do or not do.”

And Mirako darling, I feel the same about you wherever you are.  I love you now, and I’ll love you then and thereafter.  I look forward (anticipate) your arrival.

C u soon,

Mirasmama

[mirasmama]

Overcomer (belated mother's day thoughts)

Dear Mira Grace, I want to tell you about one of the most amazing women I’ve ever had the privilege of meeting. She’s a woman who, when she had every opportunity to run, didn’t. I’m sure some time she thought about it, but she never did. She was there for everything: every game, every recital. She did my hair and my makeup. Even when there was no recital, she brushed my hair. She tried to dry my hair (I was stubborn). She was at everything. She even drove all the way to Boston to be there with me as I settled into my dorm, and she was there again to drive me home. She sacrificed to provide me amazing opportunities: private education, an education at one of the top schools in the country, a trip to Europe to see the Eiffel Tower and the mountains of Germany, vacations at Hilton Head and Orlando. She painted my nails and my toenails. She made it special. She was even there when I got sun poisoning, icing my back. When I had an allergic reaction to mu shu pork, she put cold cloths on my legs. She stayed by my side until I was better. When I had my gallbladder out, she drove to be with me. She bought me accessories for my new apartment. She is one of the greatest givers I know. She’s one of the most affectionate people I know too. We were never allowed to leave without giving her a hug and two kisses one on each one cheek. She made special moments more special. She made a big deal of things. She was always great at taking pictures, capturing memories: the first day of school, ballet recitals. She was always there to celebrate birthdays, graduation, First Communion, school dances, the first roses I ever received from a boyfriend, the Miss Ohio pageant, and when I got a full ride scholarship to Boston College. There’s a picture for everyone. She was there to cry with me too. She is ice cream buddy (moose tracks). I have special memories with her too: Dawson’s Creek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. No matter what, through thick or thin, Tuesday and Wednesday nights at 8 p.m., it was our thing. She is an overcomer. She doesn’t do it the way I would; she does it her way. She always pushes through. It may take her longer than she wants to sometimes, but she never ever quits. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is acting despite the fact that you are afraid. It’s remembering that the truth always supersedes facts. There has been many brave moments I have witnessed her go through. All required different levels of bravery at different times. One of the bravest was when she was diagnosed with cancer. She humbly turned to those who were wiser at the moment. I watched her risk being let down. Because of her bravery, her and her dad both received healing. She is an inspiration. She has always encouraged me to chase after my gifts and my talents. She let me explore those talents. Whether it was piano, writing, law, dancing, or modeling, she always encouraged me to try. Whether it was dancing or asparagus, she always pushed me to try new things. She was one person in my life who always encouraged me to try my best. She told me I was beautiful, intelligent, witty, talented. She told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. She has always been proud of me. She has always loved me and wanted to give me the best she could. When you look at a terrain, you have two choices. You can look at the rough patches, or you can look at the beauty. It’s your choice what you choose to focus on, what your perspective is. Flatland is really boring (I’ll tell you about my love my new love rock climbing in another letter, but if it was flat there wouldn’t be a challenge; it wouldn’t be exciting). The Grand Canyon is one of the most beautiful wonders of the world, and the canyon, like a river, is beautiful because when it hits a rough patch, it finds a way to go around it and keep going.

I choose to see the good in our relationship. She is my mom and your Gigi.

[mirasmama]

Lessons from Lady

Dear Mirako,

Our Abba Father gave me revelation on something this morning that I wanted to pass on to you.

As I was wrestling through the difference between facts and Truth (for another letter), He called my attention to our beagle Lady (you’ll love her, you’ll be best pals). He reminded me how completely dependent she really is on us, and she does nothing but love us, offer affection, play and does her imperfect best to be obedient and remember her training. Even when she heads straight for the trash can to see if there’s toilet paper or tissues to munch on or gets so excited she can’t bring herself to remember her training, we still care for her. Most nights, she’s cuddled up next to me in bed. Every morning, she gets walked and fed grain free food and gets Espring filtered water. She gets organic treats (princesses deserve the best) and baths. She gets to lie in the sun, play, go for walks and car rides. All and only because she brings us joy. She fills our love tank so despite her imperfections, we never abandon her. Even when it’s early or late, and we want to catch a few more Zs, we tend to her needs as the shepherd in my last letter to you tends to his flock.

Next, He brought my attention to you, our precious daughter. There is nothing you can do to earn us choosing to be your parents. Even being born is a process in which you’ll have no involvement. We already love you sight unseen. We’re jumping through hoops just for the chance to be your parents. Why? You’ll bring us immeasurable joy. When you look back in our eyes, when you learn to smile, laugh, roll over, crawl, walk; each new nuance will make our hearts flutter. Like Lady, we’ll feed you, bathe you, keep you comfortable, warm, dry, tend to your every need because we love you, and you bring us joy.

Adoption is such a parallel for what Jesus (I can’t wait for you to meet Him, my best friend and Prince Charming) did for us, and I continue to have revelation on this. First, He chose to not only engage in but complete the mission. He didn’t have to, and at any point, He could have chose not to continue with the process. As we do, He persisted despite rejection, non-appreciation, ingratitude, trials. Like we continue to remember, He remembered that if He just followed the next step laid out for Him by His Father, all would work out, and His mission would end in victory. He remained humble remembering that the mission wasn’t about Him. There were people on the other end of it that needed Him; just as you and your birth mom need us to keep relying on the Spirit’s guidance and take our next step. He went despite facing every trial, every temptation, every emotion, and remembering this gives me courage, strengthens me.

Next, He made it relevant to me personally. He knew me and loved (as I feel i have you) before I was in my mother’s womb. He has a plan to prosper me, not to harm me, to give me hope and a future; He had it before I was born. He has a purpose for my life, a calling, an assignment. I had no involvement in my birth, His protection over my life as He pursued me all so He could have a relationship with me. All so I could bring Him joy with each new nuance I figure out. Even when I try my best (as Lady does, and you will because we want to please our master) and fail, when we confess our shortcomings and ask for forgiveness, He’ll return us to right standing because of how happy we make Him, how much joy we bring Him and how much He wants to be in relationship with us. He does everything in His power (He can do exceeding above all that we could ask or think or I could think to do for you) to keep us dry, warm, comfortable, whole, healthy, fed, clean. It’s a humbling thought that He loves me as much as I love you. Through my pursuit of being your Momma, I understand the feelings, the desire to want to give all that you have and all that you can to someone who brings you joy despite their inevitable shortcomings. I look forward to meeting you very soon.

Remember you are a very desired result, and we already love you very very much, Mirasmoma

[mirasmama]

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[mirasmama]

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[mirasmama]

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[mirasmama]

#adopted #daughter #baby #babygirl Mira Grace will be spoiled her #daddy s #homecooking #healthyliving #sugarfree #stuffedburgers #turkeyburger #goatcheese #cherrytomatoes #jalapeño #redpepper #pizzaseasoning #freshgarlic #blended #sauce #broccoli #bakedzucchini #coconutflour #cajun #redpepper Both with Dustin ' secret spice blend

[mirasmama]

Do you #espring ?

[mirasmama]

#maximizedliving is part of how this #entrepreneur #adoptivemom fits in her #workout, lost 30 lbs, went from size 14 to size 6

[mirasmama]

Refreshing #sugarfree beverage for the afternoon #cranberrylime seltzer water #crangrape #xs with splash of #lemon

[mirasmama]

For this #entrepreneur #adoptivemom #wife #nutriliteperfectpack #nutrilitecla #nutrilitedigestiveenzyme #nutriliteslimmetry #nutrilitecalmagd #nutriliteironfolicplus #nutrilitehairskinnail #nutrilitevitamincplus

[mirasmama]

Another part of how this #entrepreneur #adoptivemom #wife dropped 30 lbs, went from size 14 to 6 and has kept it off for over 9 mos #invisifiber #intestiflora #nutrilitevanillaprotein #blueberry

[mirasmama]

Tufts of grass

Dear Mira Grace,

As daddy and I complete more and more paperwork, I think more and more about what I want to learn before you arrive to become a better mom for you. I think about the lessons I want to teach you, and the example I want to set. One I am still learning is captured in the first sentence I typed. Let’s learn this one together right now: though my heart is right, I am already good enough to be your mom right at this moment, and you will already be good enough to be my daughter. This goes into one of the lessons I want to teach you (and am still learning myself). It’s a story about how a sheep follows a shepherd. I just learned this on Saturday morning from my friend Beth G. There’s a story in the best seller ever written by a man named David that talks about a shepherd leading his sheep to lie down in green pastures. I, like Beth, envisioned a luscious green pasture where a sheep could wander and graze as it wished. This is not the experience from which David penned this story. As Beth taught us on Saturday, when a sheep follows a shepherd, the shepherd is not passively lying on his back staring up at blue skies, and the sheep can not graze at will. The scene is actually of a shepherd going before his sheep lifting up rocks to find only tufts (mere mouthfuls) of grass beneath. He lifts them up to allow his flock to nibble, and so the process continues until they are fed enough. I imagine the same picture for the still waters that David references (little puddles to lap not streams from which to sip to their hearts content). The moral is one of the dependence of the sheep on the shepherd. It is a picture of trust because the shepherd never leaves nor forsakes even one of his flock. As long as they follow him all their needs are met. It is also one of gratitude. It is a picture of parenting and adoption. I will love you by sacrificing my desires now so I can provide for you when you arrive. There will be a roof over your head, a warm crib in which to sleep, and you will never go hungry nor be over fed. You will always have enough. I will lovingly instruct you by setting the proper example of how to take care of myself and you in many areas but especially in area of nourishment and nutrition. Just as a wealthy person doesn’t think about money and a person not drowning doesn’t think about air, you will never have to obsess over food. I will lovingly discipline you if you ever act out of wrong thinking about food because I want you to know the truth. You are fearfully and wonderfully made, beautiful, loved, cherished just as you are. I have loved you for the 10 years for which we’ve planned for you and I’ll love you for the rest of your life. I will never leave you nor forsake you (neither will Daddy).

Until next time, remember, as my mommy told me, “You are a very desired result, and we love you very much. ” Mira’sMoma