Last night, I got the closure I needed. It wasn't as what I expected it to be. Closure in 10 days? Now that was fast. But I am grateful that the agony wasn't prolonged. That proper goodbyes were said and proper acknowledgement and apologies were given on both ends. I guess that only proves that Orqueta and I were really good as lovers, that we were happy together..it just wasn't enough. One thing I learned about loving him was how much love I have and able to give. And that loving someone so much, selflessly, even beyond what you thought you are capable of, is something that you should not regret but be proud of. Only few can love like that. It's a gift..a gift that one day, a right love can appreciate and accept. I am not bitter anymore. I am still hurting, yes. But it's because I loved him with all my heart and it's really heartbreaking to see all the plans going down the drain. But as they say, when you are brave enough to finally say your goodbyes to everything...God will reward you with a new hello. You can never unlove someone. We will always love them, it's just gonna be different this time around. Thanks to everyone who tried to comfort me. Those people who hugged me even though I haven't taken a bath for one straight week. For the best friends whom I thought I lost (Lea, Gene and Ronald) who tried to bring me back to reality once again, to my old officemates who visited me and forced me to eat and take a shower, to my wolfpac, Cams, Elaine and Cheska, for not taking/picking sides and for respecting both of us, to my brother whom shared the same pain with me and brought me back to God, to my Chevron friends who never fails to make me feel appreciated and loved (the cheer-up Mish cake, free Strabucks coffee and food!), To everyone who liked, commented and sent me their sorrys and concerns. You guys are the best! To both our families who never asked WHYs, but accepted this and wished us well. And lastly, to God, for embracing me and gradually taking all the pain. Also, thanks to Dreen. He taught me A LOT. My 2 and a half years with him were the happiest I've been in my life. I learned how to save, to be stronger, to be matured and to be independent. Madami akong natutunan. He is one great guy. He really is. Narealize ko na di porket nasaktan ka ng isang tao ay masama na sya. I may still not understand WHY HOW AND WHAT HAPPENED, but I do understand and realized that he is hurting too. And I love his so much I am willing to let him go. Moving on is also a decision. But you cannot force it. It has steps. Piece of advice to those who are currently going through this phase, daanan mo lahat ng dapat daanan. Magpakatanga ka if kailangan, uminom ka kung gusto mo, wag kang maligo, wag kang kumain. Wag mong dayain ang sarili mo. BE THE DRAMA QUEEN/KING! Kung yun ang pakiramdam mong dapat mong gawin. DOn't force yourself to be okay agad-agad. Kasi no one moves on so fast if TOTOO yung pagmamahal na binigay at pinakita mo. Kung di ka okay, di ka okay. Kasi one day, baka kapag dinaya mo...di mo mapapansin stuck ka lang pala talaga kasi sinara mo yung mundo mo sa sakit at tinakasan mo lang ang lungkot. Mabuhay ang mga taong wagas magmahal! Isang araw, maiintindihan din natin ang lahat ng dahilan ng bawat sakit, luha at lungkot. Isang araw masasabi din nating, THE PAIN IS ALL WORTH IT. Last sad post. I am now choosing and deciding to move on. :)
