h
cherry valley forever
Not today Justin
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𓃗
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blake kathryn
★
ojovivo
Keni
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Andulka
One Nice Bug Per Day
Origami Around
bliss lane
izzy's playlists!
PR's Tumblrdome
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Doug Jones
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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@miss-mania
Hi I'm ꟿ (pronounced MAH-nee-uh) and this is where I'm putting all my weird experiments that aren't part of any bigger project HOPE U LIKE I
listen to my stupid unfinished music. I am actually making a concerted effort to make an album now that I finally have a unified concept for something tonally coherent.
ここで まってたのよ
I"m waiting for you here ...
holding try-outs. the flooflooverist for my grinchcore band fuckin ODed on who hash and "saw the light". now he won't shut the fuck up about christmas.
おいわいメシは？おいわいメシ
きょうはうちのこきねんびなのよ？
Hey, you should serve me some celebration yummy, because it's the family anniversary today
I was wondering what this chirping noise I hear at night is and I just went out to get some water and I SEENT IT! it was a GECKO! It's the little geckos making the chirping sound!!!
Compatibles PC Magazine #2, May 1987
Olivier Legan's cover story illustration for the article titled "Who Wants the Head of The 5.25 Inch?"
I photographed the moon tonight!!
awawawa she's so pretty :3
Why don't every day feel like Christmas pleasure
when the fuck do you go back into hibernation fucked elf
im so sick of this shit
how it feels when someone prevs you
In The Mood For Love (2000)
awoo! >w< I have 2-3 commission slots open for this week! any support will help w/ rent and bills & i will make some cute art for you! :3c
you can find commission options here!
if you wanna know what it's like to have ME/CFS, here's a little journal/ventpost. it is going to be riddled with punctuation errors and unfocused because I am currently in PEM and it is very hard to think.
I was only formally diagnosed with ME/CFS three years ago, but I had known something was very wrong for the previous decade. At one point I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and given medication that had intolerable side effects. A rheumatologist diagnosed me with psoriatic arthritis because some symptoms fit a pattern and I also had psoriasis flare-ups. I was given methotrexate, a powerful immune system suppressant and chemotherapy agent that turns you into a walking biohazard, I was on it and suffered its side effects for several years before a second, different rheumatologist ran a bunch of tests and determined that I DIDN'T have psoriatic arthritis and I had been taking a drug that was making me sick for no reason.
my diagnosis of ME/CFS occurred mere weeks after finally coming out as trans and resolving to get healthier and figure out my health problems and finally live my real life as the real me. so finding out that I had an under-studied, incurable, degenerative, life-ruining illness was a bit of a bummer. it felt and still feels like I never got a chance to really live.
two weeks ago I went to a craft market and walked around for less than five minutes, had lunch out, and went to a couple stores. this was probably the most physical activity I had been able to do in months. this is already more than a lot of people with me/cfs can or should try to do.
it wasn't wise of me to do because at the time I was not fully recovered from my birthday a week earlier, which I carefully celebrated by going to my sister-in-law's house where my family had done all the work of preparing nice food, and I let myself have two margaritas since it was my birthday and all. I did not actually do any physical activity other than making myself presentable.
but the next weekend I wanted to go out anyway! I wanted to spend the gift cards I got for my birthday, I wanted to be outside where there's life and other people because even if I am a shut-in and introvert it's a need that I do have. but mostly I wanted to because having me/cfs is incredibly, horrifically boring. at its worst you don't have the energy to do anything. days blur together and time somehow simultaneous moves glacially and you blink and weeks or months have passed.
the last several years of my life since my condition worsened are an indistinct blur. a perpetual cycle of being so fed-up with being stuck in bed that I push myself the slightest bit to actually LIVE and then deal with the consequences. it is not all bad; I have my partner and my dogs and we live comfortably, but it is incredibly strange to look down and see that my oldest dog is now over 10 and that during his entire life I have accomplished nothing. when I was younger I released 20 albums and EPs over a period of five years. the last ten years of effort have yielded nothing. by most metrics I am not even that old, but my skin is wrinkled and my eyes are tired and my body is failing me and I am terrified of my future.
most of my energy goes to maintaining the few friendships I have and trying to have a small a footprint as possible around my home because the idea of giving my partner caregiver's fatigue, the thought of her eventually resenting me for having to help me is the worst feeling in the world to me. I live my life with this constant guilt in mind, even with frequent reassurances, and a fair bit of my bandwidth goes to the constant calculus of trying to maintain my health, such as it is, without the ability to do anything about it on my own. I was supposed to get blood tests months ago. I was supposed to get an MRI to investigate worsening pain over a year ago and the pain is still getting worse.
every year around my birthday a new thought always intrudes and lingers longer in my mind: how bad will I let it get? how much longer before I can't do it any more? what will win out in the end, my fear of death? my fear of never truly living? or my fear of being a burden on the ones I love as my condition deteriorates? I don't know. I try not to think too hard about it and just appreciate what I do still have and the little I still can do.
anyway if you somehow read all this, thank you for reading. and please be kind to those in your life who have to deal with chronic illness. it must be hard to imagine having to live like this if you're able-bodied, so take time to listen to people who aren't and their experiences so that you CAN understand. thank you.
still thinking about the clear dunkin canopic jars tweet
@tiramisioux
where this guy's organs go
