After Being Away From Here For Years...
The last time I was here, I had just begun my journey to college, 6-hours away from home in Southern California. Reading my old posts really brings back precise memories of my fears and anxieties as well as my expectations and ambitions for what lay ahead of me. I remember feeling as though this was the defining moment that was my “adulthood” Hahaha... Little did I know, the world is much, much larger than what I could have imagined or prepared for coming straight out of a high school from Cupertino.
It’s one thing to try to tell yourself that you’re about to step out of your comfort zone and be placed in an unfamiliar environment surrounded by people that you don’t know... And it’s a completely different thing to actually LIVE it. Like, I knew what racism was prior to college but it was a totally different feeling to actually experience it myself. Personally, it was quite an uncanny experience trying to figure out how was I was going to survive away from home and “establish” myself on this new and (slightly) larger campus. Home-sickness wasn’t the biggest concern for me but, as weird as it sounds, I think I was most worried about how I would go from 80-90% of the people around me being Asian to 80-90% white. Should this have been a main concern? No. But, it’s true... and this isn’t even the point....
Things that everyone seemed to have cared about throughout high school and even into the beginning of college seem so irrelevant at this point. When the biggest worries were who you were going to go to the next dance with, what you were going to wear, and how you were going to get there... What you were going to do, with who, and where things were “happening”... And of course the good ‘ol let’s stand in a circle and judge everyone’s (13-18 yr old-self) words, decisions, actions, and appearances...
And not to mention the most pressing issue/question of the night:
“Did you see _______ dancing with ______ at the dance?!?!”
Although, there is a slight bitter-sweet feeling of having ^THAT be my biggest concern in a world where I’m now about to graduate and am being forced to think about ACTUAL real-life “things”....i.e. finding a job/setting up a career path, paying my own bills, being financially independent, TAXES, having to buy my own sh*t, INSURANCE (the f*ck?), when do I start paying for my own doctor visits and do I just stick with the dentist that I have now and start paying him separately from my mom or do I find my own dentist and do mah own thing with my teeth...? oh yeah and WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED?! All the while everyone sets up this timeline that says you have to live out your 20′s to the fullest, reach your aspirations, make money, settle down and have kids by the time you’re a certain age.... (30 is what I’ve been hearing).
Anyways, revisiting my tumblr has given me a nice little dose of nostalgia. It’s really intriguing and trippy for me to read through my old posts and think back to those times back in the day. LOL “back in the day”....I’m still a young wandering being who has yet to even scratch the surface of trying to discover what the “meaning of life” is...but (hopefully) with a slightly larger sense of the world.
I hope when I read this 2 years from now, I’ll feel the same way again....
and again...
p.s. some quotes that stuck with me in 2015:
“Reputation is what others think you are,
character is what you know you are”
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best
of the way things turn out”
“Don’t cry , it’s bad for the heart. Smile, it suites you better”
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