I try not to post a lot about personal stuff because I don’t want to bore you guys and Taylor, I guess I’ve always shielded my pain and trauma with memes and sarcastic posts🤷🏻♀️, but something happened that I never ever in my wildest dreams thought would happen, Taylor was incredibly kind enough to gift me and my mom 3000 dollars for the debts we’re struggling to pay in these difficult moments. I decided to tell my story to you @taylorswift because I want you to know who you helped and who loves you and will stand by your side for ever and ever(dis is gonna be long.)
When I first met you I was a sixteen-year-old girl with a lot of dreams. I remember listening to your first album in my room and thinking how someday I would find someone to experience all those feelings and have a fairy-tale story, I was bullied so much during that period of time for being overweight, I had no friends and music was all I had(s/o to a place in this world, tied together with a smile and stay beautiful) When I was eighteen I listened to Fearless and at that time I was not experiencing the same things as you did I was so stressed working and studying, I had to quit high school because we didn’t have enough money to pay for it, also at that point I hadn’t found someone to fall in love with and I was just very stressed af.
A few years went by and there were some dark years in my life I struggled with bulimia and depression, I would listen to your music 24/7, it helped me feel understood(s/o to breathe, invisible and cold as you) sometimes it helped me escape all those confusing thoughts that you have when you are struggling with mental health(s/o to mean, change and long live) . A 23-year-old girl found herself not dreaming about a fairy-tale wedding nor a fairy-tale love but dreaming about becoming a healthy, strong bitch who despite all the shit that went through rose from the death. I took my heart, I let myself feel all those emotions that were bottled up after my father and grandfather passed away the same year, after my brother left my house and never contacted us back since, after losing who I though was the love of my life because I tried to kill myself and became “too much to handle”, basically after being on the edge of losing my life… I cried with your music so many nights for not feeling good enough, for not being able to make my mom proud, for not being strong enough. You were there for me singing the words I felt at that moment, opening your diary to me while I was in recovery for my bipolar and borderline personality disorder, and my depression (I heard shake it off every night for over a year because my therapist told me I had to listen to my favorite happy song before sleeping so I wouldn’t get nightmares). You helped me understand that it’s ok to feel alone in this world, to feel angry when someone leaves, and to get lost in love. And when I was ready to move on… you helped me understand how it feels to be clean, how to shake things off, how to remember love and past experiences not as something tragic but as things that made me smarter and harder in the nick of time, you helped me turn my pain into art and I started to do flower arrangements(you can see more of the ones I did for you on the “flowers” link in my profile), I am currently not working in that full time tho, I work on sales and marketing because sadly the flowers are not enough to pay the bills but I do them when I can on weekends!
YOU were there when I went through hell, and YOU were there when people left me because I was no longer fun or entertaining to them, when I was a liability and had no will to get up, YOU helped me to step into the daylight and let it go💗
Now I’m 28 and as life goes on I realized that the scars that are in my heart made me a stronger but sometimes harsher person, and looking at how you live your life in such a positive and authentic way gives me the motivation to keep smiling and keep improving. Thank you for the influence you are in my life, I sometimes tend to be so negative and have this dark outlook on life and you being part of my life is the positive boost I need to remind myself that life is actually really nice if you see it from a positive perspective and that the best people in life are free.
This lover era has been very self-reflecting for me because as I try to be a warmer person and manage to have bipolar disorder at the same time, it can get tricky when you have random angry or depressed episodes, and that will make me feel SO guilty and go into a guilt spiral... so this era has been a lot about self-love, empowerment and ME!, helping me not only to be kind to other people but to be kind to myself too. watching Miss Americana especially has been the best TedTalk I’ve had, you have such strong convictions and I am incredibly proud of you for being on the right side of history👑 I also relate to you so much with the relationship you have with your mom, because my mom is the only person I have that loves me no matter what and the person I love the most, so I will never be able to pay you back for the help and love you have sent our way, I will never be able to pay you back for all the sleepless nights your lyrics were with me. I am so proud of you, the way you use your voice, the way you have grown, the kindness in your heart, I am just so so so proud of you and I hope I make you proud too.
Thank you Taylor, for helping me and my mom, you have changed my life before and now you’ve changed it again and you also changed my mom’s life, she loves you so much and prays for you and your family every day💗
Thank you for proving to us that having feelings and expressing them is not a bad thing, that we can wear pink and still be bosses, and that remaining delicate in a world that sometimes can be so cruel is an amazing virtue.
Thank you for being a friend, i love you.
ps. I hope you can come to Mexico in the future so I can hug you💗
