It's That Time of Year Again!!
From: The Office of Team Moral
It's that time of year again. What time of year you ask well it comes around every year, the office holiday party planning season! As you know from past experience seeing as none of us here are new to the office, we are currently planning, scheduling and having an office holiday party.
Now to avoid any confusion this office has compiled a list of the most frequently asked questions with our response, please review CAREFULLY as we will not respond to questions already answered:
Why are we having a holiday party anyway?
Perfectly acceptable question office a**wipe. Everyone here at our company is not a brat like yourself and we appreciate and enjoy company sponsored shin-digs. That is not to say we do not have there differences on a professional level but we still respect and appreciate one another on a personal level. Quite frankly if you don't see the need to do something that will be beneficial to office moral and promote cooperation among you and your fellow co-workers, please schedule a meeting with this office and HR so we can make arrangements you will find more suitable.
Why can't we just go out down the street, why must I travel for this?
Another excellent question, the answer is you can. By all means walk yourself to the Quiznos, the sub shop, the pizza place or the same exact restaurant we went to for lunch or for previous holiday soirees, by yourself and pick up your own tab! This office is not asking you to drive one and a half hours across town. Jump on the Metro with the rest of us and join us for dinner in DC. If you do not like having to 'travel' for 5 star dining on someone else's tab DO NOT COME.
Well I'm still upset about how management handled my personal issue, why would I want to go?
It is our office's policy as well as management's position that no one is forced to attend. You are a grown ass adult, either attend this year's festivities or do not, it is your choice but stop asking our office to convince you either way.
As in year's past we are going to go to dinner, have conversation and be merry. The Office of Team Moral will post announcements about this year's team moral challenge once more concrete details are in place. This generally involves letting loose (aided or not by liquid courage) and being creative. Again this is a social event, last year we all enjoyed the vocal styling of an individual out of this office with their original company anthem. We also had a poem reading, BE CREATIVE, BE FUN, BE SILLY!!
What if I do not want to participate?
Can't say we will be surprised by your decision! Don't participate, like you don't do your work.
Can it be a lunch event? I will be moving the end of the month so I will either be packing or unpacking something.
Really? This office just announced today we are starting to look into locations not to mention schedules yet but you are already making excuses and demands simultaneously. It is our office's position that we do not give a hoot, you live in a one bedroom apartment it should not take you 2 whole months to move. Also, please speak with Management and HR, they need to discuss your work with you as this revelation has them concerned about your productivity and efficiency levels.
Thank you for your time in reading this memo and it is this office's hope we have answered any pertinent questions for you.
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