MissElle Anne

Hi! I'm here because this is the only safe space I could think of where I could die peacefully.

[missellebomb]

The goal is to get a job without the usual hiring process.

[missellebomb]

How is it that beauty alone can make a difference but intellgence cannot?

[missellebomb]

The suppressed feelings of the little lamb Cherokee

Yesterday, I did it… I thought I could finally be free from the shackles chained on my ankles

The bird cage that forbids me from flying

The bitter emotions that haunts me every night…

It’s a magical feeling

My smile is from ear to ear

No bad attitude could get me

I feel excited, giddy, and happy

I finally got my first job!

I could finally order myself my own food and pay for my parents foods

I could finally laze around in the house and not feel guilty about it

Because now, I’ll earn my salary, I could now be the one my relatives ask for money

I could finally give them…

Then…

For 3 hours.

Life is not a race, it doesn’t run, or it doesn’t speed up

Life builds you up, it gives you hope, it makes you happy, it makes you thought there’s happiness around the corner

And then drops you six feet under the ground

It’s so easy to shed tears when at one second you feel like you’re over the clouds, submerged with happiness.

Only to be doomed by irate gaze telling you to stop being delusional;

You can’t reach it, that’s the reality

No matter how hard you try

You’ll keep going back to where you belong

You can’t be free;

You’re forever locked up in this human bird cage made especially for you

The key has been thrown out 13 years ago, wasn’t?

There’s no way you could find your way to freedom

Adulthood?

Funny…

You can’t step forward, you’re forever stagnant.

Now, after seeing all the people around you get their jobs and be responsible

How does that feel?

I hope there’s someone right now who can help me

Please? Anyone?

I can’t turn my life around

Lord, what will it be come of me now?

Everything I do, I messed up

Is there something for me out there?

Now’s the perfect chance to pull that out

[missellebomb]

I'm fine.

I thought I would be able to say that with a smile on my face.

In the near future, I'll plant some morning glories

Because you're too late

Too late to save me.

[missellebomb]

What will become of me?

This is me,

I couldn't take a sigh of relief

I thought after such big event I could smile now

But I couldn't

Is this what I've become?

The never the first choice

Always the second best

Never been entertained,

Never been in love.

I'm like the shadow in a mannequin stall

The only sunglasses sitting in the corner because everyone has been sold ouf by other people.

I'm the only one left,

I'm the only one left.

[missellebomb]

I will top the board!

[missellebomb]

I am so ugly 🥲

[missellebomb]

Advices for my dear future self

These are realizations I passed on my way and I wanted to share it with you, please be cautious and follow these dearly (I'll update this post when I bump into one again).

1. Dear self, remember to always treat people that surrounds you like a boyfriend— gift them (on every occasions or when they give you attention) because if you don't you'll find yourself eating alone again on one of those cubicle or worst, be alone again in a crowded room.

2. Dear self, be frugal to yourself because you need a lot of money to please the people around you again. Your family, relatives, etc. Because if you fail to give (even for just one time), everything that you're building up will crumble down to pieces, everything you thought right will be marked wrong by them, just because you didn't give them.

3. Dear self, last time you have the chance to die, you bombed it so hard and chose to live, now look at you! If you have that chance again, choose to die, life's not worth living in this world when everyone's hiding their true self behind a mask. You keep holding on for so long, you're turning 24, it's time you stop living.

4. Dear self, I hope there will come a day where you achieve your goals in life. I hope everything you ask for will come to you, lovingly and selflessly.

[missellebomb]

Will Someone Wait For Me?

In the future

Specifically, 47 days from now

Will I win? Will I go home with a smile on my face? Will I know all the questions?

Or is it the opposite?

Right now

At this moment, I can't help but sulk

I stare at the screen and count the enemies I have to beat

I can't even beat my classmates, how can I do it with 100,000 people?

Can I win?

I'm wondering again,

My heart is aching

I don't know what to do

I only scored average

My score is low when I practiced

When I tried to review,

I count the hours

I spent a lot

It's still not enough

I'm no different,

The chances of coming home crying was the only visible right now.

What I need, I can't see. 👀

[missellebomb]

George Orwell once said: The most terrible loneliness is not the kind that comes from being alone, but the kind that comes from being misunderstood; the loneliness of standing in a crowded room, surrounded by people who do not see you, who do not hear you, who do not know the true essence of who you are. And in that loneliness, you feel as though you are fading, disappearing into the background, until you are nothing more than a ghost, a shadow of your former self.

It’s that soul-deep ache of being surrounded by people—friends, family, colleagues—yet feeling completely invisible. You may smile, nod, and go through the motions, but inside, you feel a sense of isolation that words can’t fully capture. You feel as though no one truly gets you, as if the truest parts of you are hidden, left unrecognized, while the world only acknowledges the version of you that fits in.

This kind of loneliness hits hard because it isn’t about the absence of people; it’s about the absence of connection. You crave to be seen for who you really are, to have someone understand your soul’s language, your quirks, your dreams, and the complexities of your heart. But when you’re misunderstood, it feels as if there’s an unbridgeable gap between your inner world and the outside one. It’s like standing behind a glass wall, desperately hoping someone will look through and truly see you, only to realize they’re gazing right past you.

In that space of feeling unknown, you start to question yourself. You wonder if you should change, if you should become what the world expects or desires, just to feel a hint of acceptance. But even then, the loneliness doesn’t vanish; it only grows. Because the deeper tragedy is the slow fading of your own essence, the parts of you that you start to hide or let go of, simply to belong. You become a shadow, a ghost of the vibrant self you once were, drifting silently, holding onto the hope that one day, someone might understand.

What makes this kind of loneliness so painful is that it’s not just the longing to be loved—it’s the longing to be known, and loved for being known. For someone to look at the parts of you that are messy, complicated, and even broken, and to say, “I see you. I understand. And I’m here.” It’s the yearning for someone to hear your heart’s quietest whispers and to feel the depths of your soul without judgment or expectation.

[missellebomb]

I don't like strawberries

I'm having difficulty comprehending the things I can't comprehend

This is a paradox, bear with me

But that's exactly what I'm feeling

I'm a mess

I shouldn't be here

I should've chose to die when I still have the chance

Now the turmoil inside me cries every night. Begging for the chance that looks so far out of reach.

I'm just an average girl in a huge body

I can't compete with the other gifted girls no matter what I do.

It feels like it because it sure is

I'm waiting for my name to be called yesterday, I'm clapping and congratulating them because I was told it was the right thing to do. That I should smile and wait patiently while my insides were slowly breaking

Until the last name was called and I completely broke down.

I hope my moment will come soon

I hope everything I do, I will embrace success soon.

Here I am hoping, praying, wishing again.

I failed a thousand times, my wholebeing was crushed, I can see my pieces crumbled while each tear dropped.

I'm begging, I'm on my knees. Please.... help me

[missellebomb]

Is there a future where i could have all the biscoff peanut butter I want?

Oh yeah, there's one

But you have to pull countless overnights

Study your bum out

And still not be the one you're asking for.

Dear L,

I would sacrifice everything, even my life for this one.

Please make it happen, please make this make some sense.

Please...

[missellebomb]

Because they all expected me to die

I'm awake in my dreams

My silhouette controlling me

Where should I go?

How long do I have to be patient?

I'm running out of time

I gave myself my deadline

I've become invisible each passing day

Someone that's just ala pebble along the beach

Maybe if I'm gone

I'll be more visible

I'll be heard, I'll be touched

Just for a moment

You'll cry for me

Wouldn't you?

Hey, the thing you wished the most back then, 10 years ago, when I was in my hospital bed, when needles and blood were my companion

Will come true 👍

[missellebomb]

Why do I badly want this?

It's because my family only believes in me. My nuclear family that is, and sometimes I feel like they're not believing in me anymore. I'm fading from the family picture; slowly but surely.

And so... I want to change what they think of me. I want to have someone approach me first in gatherings, talk to me first, ask for my opinion when needed, I also want to be a godmother. As funny as it seems, that mundane thing, you may think what you want. But as the youngest person in the family, I watched my parents and sisters be godparents to their godchildren, and they come every christmas; I think that's a privilege, that's something that makes christmas special, and I want to contribute too.

But I don't have a godchild yet.

I'm twenty-three and there's no right age on becoming a godparent, it just happens—when the parents of a newborn child believe in you because you've achieve great things once. Once is enough to be promoted as a godparent of a baby.

I haven't told anyone about this yearning of mine, it's our little secret and I hope I can finally achieve it next year... The thing I'm wishing for and becoming a godparent.

[missellebomb]

The possibilities, the what ifs, and the urge to turn back time and die...

Hi! This is like any other days.

If I just have the chance, I don't want to turn thirteen, but now I'm twenty-three and that scarred past still haunts me like a ghost tailing me forever.

If I could just turn back time, I'd choose again then die instead.

[missellebomb]

Status: Not wanting to go home

Just to feel empty inside again

Who am I?

They've set things apart before I awoke

Before I stretch my arms for a warm embrace

Now, they want me to attend another gatherings of them

Just for what?

To make me feel shitful again?

Just to slap me with the reality that I would never be on the same level with you two?

You're bluffing! I don't want to be classified as one of your kind again!

I want to go to Japan, I want to run away

I don't want to see you, all of you

Is it worth it?

Hoping?

Wondering what the future holds?

Spending the nights in bed crying until I fall asleep?

What does the future holds?

No one knows for sure

Is it worth it?

[missellebomb]

She's not the only one eating salad

I'm eating too;

Why didn't you noticed me the same way you noticed her?

She's not the only one that can make you laugh

I can too;

Why did she have a souvenir

And none for me?

Is that it?

I'm only a walking shadow worthless of your time and effort.

It's better if I don't live at all.