I recently had a conversation with a good friend as she asked me about relationship advice and I figured that I would share.
Greg Behrendt said it best in his book He's Just not that into you:
“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating.”
It is fairly simple. All too often women or girls feel as though they do not want to be too pushy for fear of being "that girl" so in turn they do not want to set any kind of expectations because they do not want to lose this person that has been brought into their life. Well, I've got a little secret for those of you that think that. Come a little closer, I will tell you... Come on.... YOU ARE THAT GIRL and you WILL lose him if you dont shape up! The negative connotation associated with being "that girl" is simply because you have made it that way. The reason that he has accepted the fact that acting that way is ok is only because you have accepted the fact that it is ok for him to act that way. The fact that he is "too busy" or always tends to say that he "does not have the money to be romantic" or "he doesnt know what you want". All of these reasons you have made acceptable and you take them. But guess what if he truly wanted to be with you and you alone, he would "find time" and instead "become resourceful in being romantic on a budget" or "he would figure out what it is that you want". Why should it be such an ordeal for him and you have to bend over backwards to make sure that you are the fabulous piece of work that he sees in front of him. For those of you that think he makes such an effort when he sees you once or twice a week. Guess what, he likes you so that should be expected and standard. Now if he brings you a gift, writes you a note, or does a specific act of service or gives you words of affirmation having to do with his feelings. Now THAT is special. But you have to start setting the expectation because it is in direct correlation with his actions and what he needs to do in order to keep you. Because he will say just enough to keep you because he does not want anyone else to have you (too much pride) nor does he want to live without you. The difference here is having his words follow through with his actions.
