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Better...

Makenna has reflux. We got the diagnosis and started on Zantac. It worked for a couple days and then quit. So we went to Nexium and so far that’s working. She’s a lot more content and happy. Thank god. She’s still a mm suck but oh well. Her Hemangioma is open a bit but healing good. We saw dr Mckay and she said it will go away slowly. So hopefully it does.

So all in all, it’s better here. Just need to get her sleeping better and not on me.

#refluxbaby

Cracking

I’m cracking under the pressure. Makenna was fine most of the afternoon and evening. Content and smiling and just beautiful. Then I turn the taps on to have a bath and BAM, she’s going mental. Like wtf. And she is inconsolable. So Matt is asking is her diaper clean? Is she hungry? I’m like don’t you think I’ve gone thru all this??? She is eating a lot today, which is a sure sign she’s going to barf. And a lot. Only a matter of time.

Explains why she’s 2 months old and hasn’t gained any weight. She’s still 11 lbs. I guess we’ll see what she’s like, weight wise, in 2 weeks. And go from there. But man oh man, they say they grow out of the colicky phase by about 6 months.... can I make it that long?!?

#canimakeit

Reflux

I think makennas reflux meds have slowed in working. She’s back to spitting up and being grouchy. So back to the dr we go.

2 Months

Baby girl is 2 months old today. She is turning into such a little character. She loves to smile and we are starting to hear her voice more. She’s taking her medications in her bottle as of today because it broke my heart to watch her choke on it.

I didn’t think my life would feel complete. But it does. She was my missing piece. Yes it’s hard at times but I wouldn’t change any of my kids for anything.

Frustrated

What is the point in pumping medication into Makenna when it doesn’t seem to be doing any good? She puked last night and again today. It’s so hard to watch your baby struggle. Puking scares her.

#refluxbaby

Reflux Baby

So Makenna has infant reflux. I’ve never had a colicky, reflux baby. She is on ranitidine, so we are seeing some change. She went from puking 2-3 times per day to now 1-2 a week. We also changed her formula to the gentle form and changed some ways of feeding her. We have to feed her upright and she has to stay upright for awhile after eating. And burping is huge!!!! She’s easier to burp too lately so thank god for that. She still has her fussy evenings, like last night. She didn’t want to be put down at all. So I’m not sure if she was in pain or just wanted cuddles. I have no idea what I’m doing but I guess I just take it day by day. Here’s hoping there is light at the end of tunnel.

#refluxbaby

Stupid

Well. I am officially classifying myself as stupid. Why else would I keep setting myself up to get hurt. I did it with E and with my SO, I don't know anymore. I can't tell my SO anything. Nothing. I need to remember to keep things to my chest and not let people in. Giving chances and stuff doesn't work. I end up getting hurt in the process. E says me and J are sleeping together. Never further from the truth. She's on the warpath. I honestly thought that she was coming around. That she might want to talk. But I was once again setting myself up to get dumped on. Never mind that I was hurt, that I worry about her. With SO, dad, mom, E, all of them. I just keep going back for more pain and abuse.

✌️

I didn't think I'd be here. I thought I'd still have you as a friend and still have you in my life, but that's not the case. In all the time we spent together, as a group and a partnership, I didn't see us here. I didn't see it coming at all, and I was duped. I worry about you still, I wonder about you. I hope you are happy and healthy. I still think of things and smile. Or I think "I need to tell her something" and go to pick up the phone to tell you, but I remember I can't. Or go to stop by and realize, oops. What are you doing. Can I let go? Do I want too? I feel like there's something going on that I don't know about, that one day you might need me. So do I hang on? I don't know.

Wow

I don't think I've ever felt so betrayed and replaced in my whole life. You trust someone to not hurt you, but they do anyways. I should have learnt by now, but I guess I never will.

Mad mad mad

When you're mad as hell at someone and all you wanna do is walk up to them and bitch slap the stupid out. Like really, why you gotta be a douchebag?!? Isn't the world full of enough idiots and cuntbags without adding your spectacular essence to it? Shit.

#angry

fallontonight

Fun times with Jennifer Lopez and Jimmy!

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