Okay, since we're once again playing the "Nesta has to apologise for every single thing she's ever done wrong in her life" game, I thought I'd make a list of nearly everything Feyre has apologise for when it comes to Nesta;
- I'm sorry for insulting the way you looked when you were born saying you had a sneer on your face when I literally didn't exist.
"She wasn’t like Nesta, who had been born with a sneer on her face." ACOTAR CH.2
- I'm sorry for not thanking you for cooking for us every night since Elain and I didn't know how to.
"We dined on roasted venison that night." ACOTAR CH.2
"Heat. I can't cook" ACOMAF CH.54 (Proof that she can't cook)
- I'm sorry for insinuating that you are a horrible person and that our mother realised that on her death bed.
"Or maybe impending death had given her some clarity about the true nature of her children, her husband." ACOTAR CH. 1
- I'm sorry for judging you for trying to befriend the village people because your old friends ignore you.
"Since we had lost our fortune, their former friends dutifully ignored them, so my sisters paraded about as though the young peasants of the town made up a second-rate social circle." ACOTAR CH.2
- I'm sorry for making fun of you, telling you you can't and calling you a burden for wanting to marry an abuser to help the family when I literally said a few paragraphs before how much I was looking forward to you and Elain leaving so I could be alone.
"Sometimes I would even indulge in envisioning a day when my sisters were married and it was only me and Father, with enough food to go around, enough money to buy some paint, and enough time to put those colors and shapes down on paper or canvas or the cottage walls." ACOTAR CH.1
“Believe me,” I said to her, “the day you want to marry someone worthy, I’ll march up to his house and hand you over. But you’re not going to marry Tomas.” ACOTAR CH.2
"If Nesta wanted to leave, then fine. Good. I’d be one step closer to attaining that glorious, peaceful future, to attaining a quiet house and enough food and time to paint." ACOTAR CH.2
"While Tomas might want to marry you … you’re a burden.” ACOTAR CH.2
- I'm sorry for not thanking you for caring about my safety with the mercenary after you had been robbed.
“They’re dangerous,” Nesta hissed, her fingers digging into my arm as she continued to pull me from the mercenary. “Don’t go near them again.” ACOTAR CH. 3
//“Some other one who passed through. We had only a few coins, and he got mad, but—”
“Why didn’t you report him—or tell me?”
“What could you have done?” Nesta sneered. “Challenged him to a fight with your bow and arrows? And who in this sewer of a town would even care if we reported anything?”
“What about your Tomas Mandray?” I said coolly."// ACOTAR CH. 3
- I'm sorry for pushing you away when you showed concern for me sleeping with Isaac.
“I do hope you two are taking precautions.”
“It’s a bit late to pretend to care,” I said." ACOTAR CH. 3
- I'm sorry for complaining about not being included when all I do is exclude myself and judge what you bought with the tiny amount of money I gave you.
"I watched my sisters whispering and laughing together. They’d spent every copper I’d given them—on what, I didn’t know, though Elain had brought back a new chisel for our father’s wood carving." ACOTAR CH. 3
- I'm sorry for almost scolding you for not being able to afford new boots and a cloak when I literally judged you for wanting a new one
"The cloak and boots they’d whined about the night before had been too expensive. But I hadn’t scolded them for it, not when Nesta went out a second time to chop more wood without my asking." ACOTAR CH. 3
-I'm sorry for saying you wouldn't protect me and then in the same sentence say that I know it's because you know that I can fight my own battles.
"I knew—with a sudden, uncoiling clarity—that Nesta would buy Elain time to run. Not my father, whom she resented with her entire steely heart. Not me, because Nesta had always known and hated that she and I were two sides of the same coin, and that I could fight my own battles." ACOTAR CH. 4
- I'm sorry for saying that you were probably happy that I was gone and hoping I had been eaten so you could get attention when you were literally hiking alone trying to cross the wall to find me and save me.
"Nesta must be stretching her legs and smiling at the extra room. She was probably content imagining me in the belly of a faerie—probably using the news as a chance to be fussed over by the villagers." ACOTAR CH. 7
- I'm sorry for trying to put blame on you when you were telling me how you think our father forgets that he literally neglected all of us.
“There are days,” Nesta said as she paused in front of the door to her room, across from mine, “when I want to ask him if he remembers the years he almost let us starve to death.”
“You spent every copper I could get, too,” I reminded her." ACOTAR CH. 30
- I'm sorry for blaming you for not teaching me how to read and write when that was never your responsibility, I never told you and I should've been able to do that because I was 8 when we lost our fortune. I'm also sorry for assuming that your level of reading would be better than mine since I admitted that our mother neglected our schooling.
"Before our downfall, my mother had sorely neglected our education, not bothering to hire a governess. And after poverty struck and my elder sisters, who could read and write, deemed the village school beneath us, they didn’t bother to teach me. I could read enough to function—enough to form my letters, but so poorly that even signing my name was mortifying." ACOTAR CH. 13
- I'm sorry for telling Ianthe everything about you, including where you lived, which ended in her being able to kidnap you and force you into the cauldron.
"I’d told her about the village, and the house my sisters now lived in, about Isaac Hale and Tomas Mandray. I hadn’t been able to mention Clare Beddor—or what had happened to her family." ACOMAF CH. 2
- I'm sorry for telling the IC that you only cared about money and social standing.
“I was born to a wealthy merchant family, with two older sisters and parents who only cared about their money and social standing." ACOMAF CH. 16
- I'm sorry for telling Rhys that I would make you and Elain help the fae with their problems and even consider asking Rhys to force you to help the fae.
//"They might not be happy about it, but I’ll make Elain and Nesta do it.”
"I didn’t have the nerve to ask Rhys if he could simply force my family to agree to help us if they refused. I wondered if his powers would work on Nesta when even Tamlin’s glamour had failed against her steel mind."// ACOMAF CH. 19
- I'm sorry for showing up unannounced to the house with a group of dangerous men and immediately expecting you to be okay with it.
Chapter 23 of ACOMAF ~ it's too long to post.
- I'm sorry for leaving you both to clean up after I'd insulted the food and let complete strangers openly judge you.
//“Is there something wrong with our food?” she said flatly.
I made myself take another bite, each movement of my jaw an effort. “No.” I swallowed and gulped down a healthy drink of water.
“So you can’t eat normal food anymore—or are you too good for it?” A question and a challenge.
Rhys’s fork clanked on his plate. Elain made a small, distressed noise.
And though Nesta had let me use this house, though she’d tried to cross the wall for me and we’d worked out a tentative truce, the tone, the disgust and disapproval …
I laid my hand flat on the table. “I can eat, drink, fuck, and fight just as well as I did before. Better, even.”// ACOMAF CH. 24
//"Cassian’s brows rose—little amusement to be found now. “Someone who let her youngest sister risk her life every day in the woods while she did nothing. Someone who let a fourteen-year-old child go out into that forest, so close to the wall.” My face began heating, and I opened my mouth. To say what, I didn’t know. “Your sister died—died to save my people. She is willing to do so again to protect you from war. So don’t expect me to sit here with my mouth shut while you sneer at her for a choice she did not get to make—and insult my people in the process.”
Nesta didn’t bat an eyelash as she studied the handsome features, the muscled torso. Then turned to me. Dismissing him entirely."// ACOMAF CH. 24
"My sisters cleaned the dishes while we worked, and had excused themselves to bed hours before, mentioning where to find our rooms." ACOMAF CH. 24
- I'm sorry for calling you a creature after Rhys insulted you and saying it's the kindest thing I could say about you.
“Nesta is a delight, by the way.”
“She’s … her own creature,” I said. It was perhaps the kindest thing I could say about her." ACOMAF CH. 24
- I'm sorry for not standing up for you when Rhys claimed that only Elain cares about me and that it's your fault for not protecting me.
"Rhys didn’t answer. Instead he said, “I didn’t think I could get through that dinner.”
“What do you mean?” He’d been rather … calm. Contained.
“Your sisters mean well, or one of them does. But seeing them, sitting at that table … I hadn’t realized it would hit me as strongly. How young you were. How they didn’t protect you.”
“I managed just fine.” ACOMAF CH. 24
- I'm sorry for saying that you let me go into the woods when you aren't my mother or responsible for me.
“But if I hadn’t gone into those woods, if they hadn’t let me go out there alone …" ACOMAF CH. 24
- I'm sorry for allowing Rhys to say he can't look at you without wanting to roar at you when he doesn't know a single thing about you.
“but it will be a long while yet before I can look at your sisters without wanting to roar at them.” ACOMAF CH. 24
- I'm sorry for comparing the anger I felt about Eris and the nail in Mor to Rhys hating you for your "failings"
"And I understood—why Rhys could not endure Nesta for more than a few moments, why he could not let go of that anger where her failings were concerned, even if I had." ACOMAF CH. 41
- I'm sorry for forcing you to help in a war you had no original part in and for telling Rhys I would make our desperation obvious so they're manipulated into helping.
//"Let me figure out how to deal with both of them, as family, but mostly as their High Lady.
Mor’s face tightened, but I shook my head. “I can—ask my sisters. See if they have any sort of power. See if they’d be willing to … talk to others about what they endured. But I won’t force them to help, if they do not wish to participate. The choice will be theirs.” I glanced at my mate—the male who had always presented me with a choice not as a gift, but as my own gods-given right. Rhys’s violet eyes flickered in acknowledgment. “But I’ll make our … desperation clear.”// ACOWAR CH. 16
- I'm sorry for repeatedly asking you to tell complete strangers what happened to you in the cauldron after you had said no several times and I'm sorry for trying to abuse my power as High Lady to manipulate you into telling your story
//“And we might need your assistance during the meeting with the High Lords—to provide testimony to other courts and allies of what Hybern is capable of. What was done to you.”
“You don’t mind fixing the wall or going to the Court of Nightmares, but speaking to people is where you draw your line?”
Nesta’s mouth tightened. “No.”
High Lady or sister; sister or High Lady … “People’s lives might depend on your account of it. The success of this meeting with the High Lords might depend upon it.”
She gripped the arms of her chair, as if restraining herself. “Don’t talk down to me. My answer is no.”
I angled my head. “I understand that what happened to you was horrible—”
“You have no idea what it was or was not. None. And I am not going to grovel like one of those Children of the Blessed, begging High Fae who would have gladly killed me as a mortal to help us. I’m not going to tell them that story—my story.”
“The High Lords might not believe our account, which makes you a valuable witness—”
Nesta shoved her chair back, chucking her napkin on her plate, gravy soaking through the fine linen. “Then it is not my problem if you’re unreliable. I’ll help you with the wall, but I am not going to whore my story around to everyone on your behalf.”// ACOWAR CH. 18
- I'm sorry for trying to force you to train when you said multiple times you didn't want to.
"But then I said, “Why won’t you train with Cassian?”
Nesta’s spine locked up. “Why is it only Cassian that I may train with? Why not the other one?”
“Him, or the blond one who won’t shut up.”
“If you’re referring to Mor—”
“And why must I train at all? I am no warrior, nor do I desire to be.”
“It could make you strong—”
“There are many types of strength beyond the ability to wield a blade and end lives. Amren told me that yesterday.” ACOWAR CH. 24
- I'm sorry for telling you off for not being respectful to the healer when you were rightfully annoyed that no one was helping Elain, accusing you of barking at them and snapping at you to "be quiet" when you were worried.
//“How.” The word was barely more than a barked command.
I braced myself to warn Nesta to be polite, but Madja said to my sister, as if she were a small child, “The mating bond. It is a bridge between souls.”
The healer’s tone made my sister stiffen, but Madja was already hobbling for the front door. She pointed at Lucien as she saw herself out. “Try sitting down with her. Just talking—sensing. See what you pick up. But don’t push.” Then she was gone.
I whirled on Nesta. “A little respect, Nesta—”
“Not if you’re going to bark them out of the house.”
I caught Lucien’s eye. “Would you try it?”
Nesta snarled, “Don’t you even attempt—”
I bared my teeth at her. “He will try. And if he doesn’t find anything amiss, we’ll consider bringing another healer.”// ACOWAR CH. 28
- I'm sorry for winnowing away when we were going somewhere together, leaving you with a man you felt uncomfortable around and calling me doing that "sisterly payback" because you're attitude was not what I wanted it to be.
"Ready for some flying, Nes?”
The wrong thing to say, from the way Cassian’s eyes lit up.
I chose that moment to winnow to the skies above the House, chuckling as wind carried me through the world. Some sisterly payback, I supposed. For Nesta’s general attitude." ACOWAR CH. 30
- I'm sorry for not believing you when you told me that we weren't safe, telling you that because the others don't think anything is wrong, it's all fine.
“We need to leave,” Nesta said. “Right now.”
Every sense went on alert. “Why?”
“It feels wrong. Something feels wrong.”
I studied her, the clear sky beyond the towering, drape-framed windows. “Rhys and the others would sense it. You’re likely just picking up on all the power gathered here.”
“Something is wrong,” Nesta insisted.
“I’m not doubting you feel that way but … If none of the others are picking it up—” ACOWAR CH. 47
- I'm sorry for telling you that I would build a shower for you after you told me you can't take baths anymore and then never doing anything.
Nesta studied me for a long moment. And then she said with equal quiet, though we could all hear, “I can’t get into a bathtub anymore. I have to use buckets.”
I hadn’t known—hadn’t even thought that bathing, submerging in water …
I knew better than to touch her hand. But I said, “When we get home, we’ll install something else for you.” ACOWAR CH. 52
- I'm sorry for judging where you spend your time.
"Nesta shrugged. “She could have eaten with me here.”
“You know Elain wouldn’t feel comfortable in a place like this.”
She arched a well-groomed brow. “A place like this? What sort of place is that?” ACOFAS CH. 13
- I'm sorry for forcing you to come to a religious holiday you don't celebrate and judging the place you want to celebrate in. And then trying to use our father's death as a way to guilt you into coming.
//"Finally, my sister looked back at me. “So you’re bribing me, then?”
I didn’t flinch. “I’m seeing if you’re willing to be reasoned with. If there’s a way to make it worth your while.”
Nesta planted the tip of her pointer finger atop her stack of cards and fanned them out across the table. “It’s not even our holiday. We don’t have holidays.”
“Perhaps you should try it. You might enjoy yourself.”
“As I told Elain: you have your lives, and I have mine.”
Again, I cast a pointed glance to the tavern. “Why? Why this insistence on distancing yourself?”
She settled back in her seat, crossing her arms. “Why do I have to be a part of your merry little band?”
Again, that empty, cold look.
“I’m not going to your party,” she said."//
//“Father would want you to—”
“Don’t you finish that sentence.”// ACOWAR CH. 13
- I'm sorry for withholding your rent unless you came to an event you didn't feel comfortable coming to and then when you came, ignoring you and being insulted you didn't get me a gift when I didn't get you one.
//She swigged from her glass. “It’s due next week. In case you forgot.”
I said flatly, “Come to Solstice and I’ll make sure it’s delivered.”// ACOFAS CH. 13
//"It occurred to me only when she said the words that none of the gifts in this room had Nesta’s name on them."// ACOFAS CH. 20
//"Nothing from Nesta, but I didn’t care. Not one bit."// ACOFAS CH. 20
//"Nesta watched warily from her chair, Elain’s present—her only present—in her lap."// ACOFAS CH. 20
Nesta half turned toward me, focus darting to what was in my hand. The small slip of paper.
The banker’s note for her rent. And then some.
For a moment, I prayed she wouldn’t take it. That she would tell me to tear it up."// ACOFAS CH. 20
- I'm sorry for not saying anything when Amren openly slut shamed you.
“Though I bet it’s hard to look good,” Amren went on, “when you’re out until the darkest hours of the night, drinking yourself stupid and fucking anything that comes your way.”
Feyre whipped her head to the High Lord’s Second. Rhys seemed inclined to agree with Amren. ACOSF CH. 1
-I'm sorry for telling you that you embarrassed "my family" when you're my sister.
Do you know how embarrassed I was when we got the bill this morning and my friends—my family—had to hear all about it?”
Nesta hated that word. The term Feyre used to describe her court. As if things had been so miserable with the Archeron family that Feyre had needed to find another one." ACOSF CH. 2
- I'm sorry for painting everyone but you and then only painting you when I decided that you had earned it.
//"Every piece of art had been picked by Feyre herself, or painted by her, many of them portraits and depictions of them—her friends, her … new family.
There were none of Nesta, naturally.// ACOSF CH. 1
//"She’d joined them at the river house one night to find a mating present from Feyre waiting for her. Hanging on the wall in the grand entry.
A portrait of Nesta, holding the line at the Pass of Enalius."// ACOSF CH. 80
-I'm sorry for telling you that I would tie you up and force you to go to the House of Wind when I myself should know what it feels like to be locked up against my will.
"You’re going, even if you have to be tied up and hauled there." ACOSF CH. 2
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