Creation has enacted a new policy for conventions, one which is, regrettably, needed now. I support it completely and I do so because I am a survivor of abuse and grief and I know how strong the pull is to tell the boys or anyone really about the things I’ve lived through and have that moment of personal connection with them.
I also know there’s a time and a place for it and the convention is not it. So with that in mind, here are my thoughts on the subject, as a survivor and a member of the fandom family:
Ok, look. This is the problem with all the deep, over-sharing taking place at conventions: it’s fairly clear that few or all of the people detailing their horrific experiences, depression, suicidal ideation and attempts, and other dark moments have never been a part of a healthy forum for sharing such things. There are unwritten rules, hell sometimes they ARE written down, but there are rules.
Never trigger someone with your experiences. Those of us who HAVE been part of a group or forum or message board designed for sharing these things understand that you always, ALWAYS warn for what you are about to share and you ALWAYS give those listening/reading the choice to opt out if they don’t feel they’re in a healthy place to hear it/see it right then.
The people sharing these stories in the auto lines and on the stage are forcing those nightmares on the boys, on Jared, and all of us. They are giving him NO CHOICE to say please, I can’t hear this today. He’s in front of a room of a thousand people and the peer pressure alone is guaranteed to keep him from telling them no. Which leaves him to deal with the emotional aftermath and as we’ve learned, that can have him forced to skip conventions and take recovery time for himself with his family away from our fandom. I can’t even begin to explain just how much that should hurt us all, nor should I have to.
There is a time and a place to share your stories. They SHOULD be shared. They should be talked about. Not only is it healthy and cathartic for us to get it out, but it can be healthy for others who’ve lived through similar to know absolutely that they are not alone. But the convention stage, the autograph line, the photo op room; these are not places to share them. It shows a complete lack of care for whether or not Jared is in a place to hear them safely. It is selfish.
I know you want to share your pain and your joy at surviving it. Share your joy, by all means but keep the details to yourself in those settings. If you truly wish him or anyone to know the details, write a letter, post it to his facebook, send it to him care of the show. Give him the CHOICE to decide when he’s ready to hear the pain along with the joy.
And here’s the other thing that all these people seem to keep missing; when you’re crying and telling these stories at a panel, when the sound system is making sure your nightmare carries out to the entire audience, you are forcing that pain on to the entire audience! Who knows how many survivors you have triggered out there in the dark, who have to leave suddenly to try and put away the remembered horror you forced on them just so YOU could have your moment of attention?
SHARE SAFELY. These are words those of us who HAVE experienced safe and balanced sharing understand. Never force onto another what you wouldn’t want forced on you. SHARE SAFELY. Stop ambushing Jared and whole audiences with your stories. Stop forcing him to listen and suffer with you. Stop taking away his choice and all of our choices.
You’re hurting him. You’re hurting us. You have no right to trigger a star or a room full of unsuspecting people to make yourself feel better. And god help the next person who says ‘well he asked for it’. No. He has become one of the voices for a charity that gives survivors a SAFE PLACE to share and heal and in return, you are all doing the exact opposite. You’ve left him no safe place at conventions. I imagine at this point, he’s beginning to feel nervous; is the next person going to break me? Is the next question going to leave me in tears? Is the next person in the line going to force me to walk away to try and collect myself?
Stop it. Please. Share safely. Don’t trigger others to make yourself feel better. Remember that Jared is a person and a survivor just like you and deserves the same level of respect and care and protection. Remember that so many of your fellow fans are also survivors and need that as well. There are safer, more respectful ways, to share your pain with him that will allow him to do so at a time when HE feels can do so safely. These ways don’t allow for a captive audience or a tearful, stage-side hug, but they allow you to SHARE SAFELY.
TL/DR version: Jared is not our therapist.
vaporwave
yousharknotpass
