misstyfairy

avid phone addiction. infp-t. she/her.

[misstyfairy]

Seasons

Seasons upon seasons hit the mundane of my life like waves crashing against the shore. My beach was open, desolate, untrodden to the steps of adventurous men.

I call out, speaking into a void in hope of an impossible reply. There is no answer. I make lists, checking the beach for contingency between how I expect it to be, how it has been before, as it ever was. My expectations are not betrayed. Gradual erosion, over time, must surely reduce the surface area of the beach by fractional amounts. The process is slow, and beyond my lifetime of interpretation. 

I remember times when this beach was bright.

I worry if I suppressed my teenage wants, inevitably due to insecurity, to the point where I am destined for a life of conformity in adulthood. I am breathing inside of a lung on the tube; wondering for the days when I can finally ingest the air of this beach.

[misstyfairy]

the parents who taught me to be polite to strangers

are the same people who have told me all men are the same

a drunk elderly man called me a ‘nice girl’ today

would he have said that if you were there, dad?

[misstyfairy]

grief is unsettling, and has hit me in continual spouts of forgetting and remembering.

tomorrow we will sit in allocated seats, among which will be an empty chair, a void that shouts perspective means everything- you are here you are breathing you are alive

[misstyfairy]

girl are you a woman in STEM because you are 1/cos(c)

[misstyfairy]

Most of the dandelions had changed from suns to moons.

[misstyfairy]

If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.

[misstyfairy]

“Because if it isn’t a love story, then what is it?” I look to her glassy eyes, her face of wide open empathy. “It’s my life,” I say. “This has been my whole life.”

My Dark Vanessa- Kate Elizabeth Russell

Thought: The amount of dogs in this book.. once you notice it I swear they’re everywhere. They seem like an intuitive moral compass to navigate the midst of Vanessa’s unreliable narration, or moreover Strane’s unreliable manipulation. There’s further motifs of Strane in physical darkness/ shadows which are testament to his obvious moral corruption yadayadayada.. but that’s not half as interesting as giving dogs an ethical omnipotence.

[misstyfairy]

You stole my skipped heartbeats, my forlorn gazes. The essence of who I am and what I want cannot coexist in the disparity of this heartbreak.

[misstyfairy]

Now you hang from my lips

Like the Gardens of Babylon

With your boots beneath my bed

Forever is the sweetest con