Juggling chainsaws

[nalyra-dreaming]

About me

Nalyra ⏛ she/her/they I love complicated characters and relationships. Vampire lover of old. I like a lot of things, so do mind the tags, please.

Ask | Ao3

This blog is NOT Vampire Chronicles / IWTV / TVL spoiler free.

Life is too short for hate, be brave enough to be kind.

PSA

I reserve the right to be silent human, at least until I‘m turned 😛

[nalyra-dreaming]

Do you think that the decapitation of Louis head will disconnect him from the sacred core instead because if his head isn’t reconnected to his body in time his heart is gonna stop completely which would truly separate him from amel.

No, I don't think these are related, but... we'll see.

[nalyra-dreaming]

I was rewatching the San Francisco episode and you are absolutely right... Louis goes sort of stiff after Armand tells him "rest" and he probably stopped his heart right there. And surely Lestat, after hearing that conversation... and probably sensing, since he is his fledgling, how Louis's heart stopped... thought Louis had died. And I get the feeling that the same thing is going to repeat itself... that Armand will make Lestat or Louis believe that the other is dead.

Maybe.

Though I am not sure Lestat could have felt that there, since there seems to be a bit of a distance-component to the gifts.

But yeah - I mean it is canon that Armand made Lestat believe Louis was dead for a while....

[nalyra-dreaming]

Someone pointed out that the guy with the hat that we've seen in the trailer for ep7 could be Armand's goon that was accompanying him in the concert, and I see it!

Could be! Doesn't rule out he's a Talamasca agent, imho, depending... what Motherhouse :)

[nalyra-dreaming]

I've been thinking since 3x05 that the Mind The Gap was about the scene in the subway with Larry, since Mind The Gap is like the slogan of the London Tube. But I guess it could mean two things?

I absolutely think that they probably meant both :)

[nalyra-dreaming]

I know ratings aren't that important, but 3x06 is currrently the highest rated episode, not only of this season, but of the entire show on IMDB ☺️ It's good to see that the review bombing didn't do shit for a certain part of the fandom

Yes.

It is always good to have a little... reality check at hand :))

[nalyra-dreaming]

What are your predictions on the Akashastat dynamic? Do you think the writers will continue exploring agency, SA, enmeshment, and coercion as themes? My gut tells me they won’t repeat the same beats as s3 Gabistat. Having to watch Lestat get SA’ed again could veer into torture porn, and the writers are too sophisticated to fall into that trap.

They will not softwash it.

They already did not softwash it in the flashback? Or did you miss Akasha pulling in Lestat hurting him with her strength and then biting into him?

This is a QUEEN, and she will have her way.

And yes, that canonically includes spell-binding and abusing and coercing Lestat.

That is the story nonny. This is the books.

They are doing the books.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Twitter girl here. Im gonna say on the whole NAACP email thing......its not the black fans that started it. The emails started from white "activists" taking steps on black people's "behalf". And I find it incredibly distasteful to even fathom the idea that you'd be upset about the backset language of a girl who grew up in the 1900's. And while they sit there trying to be activists over a TV shows fiction and not the real fucking world rasicm at play.

Im sorry to sit here and rant, but this shit is ridiculous. The treatment some black fans have gotten just being in the fandom. The digital blackface going wild. Like its not cool. Its not funny. Its not activism. It's perpetrating stereotypes and its just fucking mental. The NAACP has bigger fish to fry!

And the colorism is going wild. Jacob identifies as black. Debating his blackness IS THE SAME RACISM people are sitting here mad about on a TV show....while doing it in real life. Perpetrating the 1 drop rule is just....its fucked.

Go outside touch some grass, read a book, and get your dumb asses off of social media spewing spewing dated rethoric.

Nothing to add.

[ihateornithologists]

red

no seriously bro what the fuck was that im crying sjjkjk

[nalyra-dreaming]

But what about “rod in the head”? Louis still could dig memories from Daniel or was he just remembering what Armand had told him? And if “drinking blood” stands wouldn’t it work only in Armand’s case?

Yes, but that is what I mean. I think the reasons in Dubai can not "only" be reduced to that "fog of love" thing.

[bucksomebarnes]

😭😭😭😭

[nalyra-dreaming]

Heyy same anon 👋who asked something along the lines of whts up with watch the gap and claudia stepping out of the salt circle I think u miss understood my question should have worded it better

What i meant was well i dont know much bout witchcraft in general or especially in vc universe the salt circle is there to contain whatever merrick summons inside the circle but we saw the circle break and claudia outside of it and at the end we see merrick chanting to close the gate so is that significant like could it be merrick didn't manage to send claudia back

We also saw claudia poke louis' forehead when he was leaning over and in the next shot saw ash on the spot she touched we also know she stabbed him in the book which I took to mean ghosts and spirits in vc aren't intangible floating through objects

Seeing all the theories of daniel dying sort of and how actor swap will work i know ghost can be interacted with but is that only when the ghost wishes to or always or can only certain people can interact cuz there was that line of claudia saying should would have tripped armand if she wanted to just curious about the workings of that

(Small comment: corn starch circle in the show, but that just as a note :))

So ghosts in the VC and in the Anne Rice Universe generally.... can and do interact with objects, mortals. They can even have sex! They can reintegrate, in some rare cases, and then have a physical body again.

It... kind of depends on the power of the ghost. How good they are at manifesting, and if they wish to do so - and have the self awareness to figure out a way to do so. If that makes sense.

It could be that Claudia was not sent back, yes.

It could be that she finds a way to manifest again, on her own terms, yes.

We'll have to see what the show does with this.

Personally, I could see them draw aspects of Memnoch in for this, but... we'll see. Because Claudia might just be in Memoch's hell...

[nalyra-dreaming]

“That term comes back Episode 7. I think that’s when it starts to really pass over him”

Uhhhhhh 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Yeah, I talked about it in another ask (reblog) earlier, but they did set it up with intent there after all.

That said, to reiterate, the reason I called it BS initially, was because it was deduced (by Daniel and Lestat, ultimately) in the show to be the reason why Armand and Louis could not read Daniel's mind in Dubai.

And while that might hold for Armand (not a 100% in on that either) it cannot really hold for Louis, right, so the reason they didn't see the "gotchas coming" there has probably more to do with the blood sharing done there, than anything else. At least for Louis.

Also... I mean... we'll see what they do with it.

A fog is a thin layer that lays itself over things, right. It would not... build a real barrier.

I'm... not sold as to this being the only reason they did not see or sense the other vampires there, as said.. *shrugs*

[covenforclaudia]

Loustat, Parental Failing and Claudia (iwtv 3x06)

(very long post!) this is actually the second part to my first meta where i address Louis and Lestat's own parental trauma and how this impacts their respective approaches to Claudia. this post is the continuation of that so please read that one first, it covers their parenting styles and abusive tendencies. this was actually inspired by a lot of what Sam Reid spoke about in the BTS/ After Dark about how important it is to give a child the space to hate you as a parent so they can learn about hate, and how Gabriella never gives that Lestat, and it made me think a lot about Louis and Claudia as well, especially after the seance scene.

in 3x06, we see for the first time Louis actually have to contend with the fact that Claudia hated him for the things he did to her, despite the fact he has crafted his entire existence around his grief over her. it's interesting to me because deep down on some level i think Louis was always aware that Claudia resented him, but through his Dubai years and his inability to reckon with his own flaws, he suppresses this, as does talking about his memories of Claudia to Daniel throughout the show which helped him try to paint his failings in a better light and ease his conscience as he pushed most of the blame on Lestat. something i recognise is Louis' ability to accept joint failure of Claudia when it comes to both him and Lestat, in the second interview with Daniel ("she was a band-aid for a shitty marriage?" 1x04) but maintain a complete rejection of responsibility when it specifically comes to his own actions:

"she couldn't burn him." / "you cursed her into the darkness, you chose Lestat over her time and time again." / "she couldn't burn him." (1x07)

we see Louis physically run away from Daniel's truths because of how much he rejects them, which i think is a big contrast to the Loumand fight in 2x05:

"i loved her!" / "but she didn't love you! not like he did...not like i have."/ "...i know. yes!"

the only reason i don't believe that this is even still a full acceptance of how Claudia truly felt about this, is because straight after this scene, Louis walks into the sun because he "hears Claudia calling [him]" (asking him to join her) which is very much not what she wants. i think it's a repeated pattern of behaviour in Louis when it comes to Claudia to forcefully insert himself into areas of her life whether she wants him there or not, or whether it is for the best of not, as long as it means he can still appear to be the "good person" to her. in my previous post i spoke about how Louis uses indulgence as method of keeping young Claudia on his side in the household, and i think this is an extension of it.

when Claudia comes home after the fight, to find some power/respect in the household, she asks to be addressed as Louis and Lestat's sister. metaphorically, Claudia is very sympathetic in this ask due to the fact Loustat's infantilisation made her feel powerless, however, i think it is a very unrealistic ask. all family dynamics are somehow underpinned by fundamental things like birth order, subconsciously it affects most of the familial architecture. basic things like the respect/loyalty children feel they 'owe' their parents stems from the fact that they are the 'superior,' leading figures in the household in terms of birth rank. Claudia trying to cross these kind of carnal, instinctive and even evolutionary lines is simply not achievable. whether you renounce/disown them (in some cases unfortunately) a parent will always be a parent, because they should have an instinctive responsibility over their child(ren). the responsibility of a parent is different to the responsibility of a friend, partner or sibling. therefore, i always find Louis' readiness to accept that was Claudia's "brother" quite interesting.

Louis can easily go along with Claudia's whims, reduce his parental responsibilities as long as it keeps Claudia close to him and paints himself in a better light to her ahem "daughter, sister, throw-pillow." she was not intentionally saved from the fire with the purpose being a daughter (it is Lestat who first brings this suggestion) and Claudia even recognises in 1x05 that she is meant to be a stand-in for the familial female chord he is losing with Grace ("i know why they made me...to be Louis' sister.") of course Louis readily accepts this notion of raising a daughter after Lestat's suggestion, and was content with Claudia as his daughter ("you had a daughter?" / "i had a daughter." ) his ability to agree to being her brother represents the fact that there is always an under-current of self-serving interest in his relationship with Claudia, because as a parent, choosing to become a friend or sibling to your child is not a healthy or reasonable option. it confuses and complicates a very important boundary that exists from birth. if your child wishes to sever the relationship (for very valid reasons in Claudia's case) then as parent you must be willing to accept that, but not remove yourself from the role as parent. even if Claudia never needed to call upon Louis again, it is his duty as a parent to still be there for her in a parental capacity.

this unhealthy way Louis can shape-shift into whatever Claudia expects him to be is a key part of the emotional incest in their relationship. there is no sense of healthy boundaries because Louis almost always says yes to Claudia, because indulging her is most of the time in his best interest. in France, we see their relationship take on this sibling/friend dynamic (Claudia has clearly been growing even more resentful of Louis as Louis has been leaning on her emotionally more than he ever had been because he missed Lestat: "who are you outside of me?" 2x02). something to me is the scene where they discuss the "lust" Louis feels for Armand which i felt crossed the parent-child boundary.

as Lestat says in season one "[she] is a child involving herself in the romantic affairs of her parents." which is completely true. Claudia over-steps so greatly in Louis romantic/sexual life (we see this in her obsession to have Antoinette killed supposedly on Louis behalf) and i think this is because Louis entwines their identities so much because he can never maintain the boundary of patent and child so there is an element of vicariousness that enjoys Claudia in relation to Louis. as Delainey says in the After Dark, Claudia is somewhat jealous of Louis and "wants what he has" (there is connection i think here to pre-vamp Gabriella and Lestat in sense that Gabriella was confined to her womanhood and used Lestat vicariously, in the same way that Claudia is confined to her childhood and uses Louis vicariously through Louis to expose herself to feelings and experiences she feels like she can't have- e.g. the telepathic conversation during the Loustat sex scene in 1x06)

and here is what i think separates Louis and Lestat in their approach to parenthood: responsibility. i find Claudia's "he was always who he said he was" (3x06) to not only mean that Lestat was the least hypocritical parent, but that Lestat always remained her parent. even when she despised him, he refused to give in to her wish for her to be his "companion/sister" and still only ever treated/saw her as his daughter:

"it is not as simple as choosing a new family configuration, i am your maker." (1x06) / "(to Louis) you're not even my maker! that's my blood." (3x06)

i think after all of Claudia's thinking after death, she has come to accept the fact that this was always the correct the response. Lestat allowed her to hate him, he allowed her to perceive him as the kind of "bad cop" of the parental dynamic, but he never compromised on the fact that he was her parent because he knows how bad things can be when the lines between parent/child become blurred due to his history with Gabriella. he embraces the fact that he is not a very good parent, but never shirks his responsibility. even in the same scene where he tells Louis "you wanted her, you fix her" (a line which can be seen as deflecting responsibility) Lestat is still the parent to notice the scars on her arms from her failed attempt to create a fledging, and is one who tries to bring it to attention but once again, Louis is silent in this scene despite the fact he has just reassured Lestat that they are "in this together" when it comes to raising Claudia, because he knows it is much easier to make Lestat take the fall as the bad guy if it means it can unite him and Claudia: "he treats *us* like shit and you take it!" this is not entirely true. whilst Louis and Lestat have their respective faults in the relationship, at this point in the timeline (before the seven years) it is not an abusive relationship, Louis knows he is not just the "housewife" to Lestat, but he never corrects this misinterpretation of his relationship with Lestat because it keeps Claudia with him and continues the us vs. him dynamic between the unholy family that has been present since day one ("so he's the dumb one?" 1x04)

it's why the line "she looked at me at the end, like a child...looking towards her father, but i was never-" (2x08) always sticks out to me, because whilst Lestat was not a great father, he always stayed a father, but at this point in his life he truly believes that he does not deserve the role. why? because he fails to protect/save her in Paris. circling back to my first argument, inherently tied to parenthood is a different kind of responsibility. as a parent, Lestat recognises that he fails in duty to Claudia (even if she doesn't see him as her parent) and therefore deems himself unworthy to be addressed as a father. Louis on the other hand clings to this fatherly identity (once again, "i had a daughter") as a way to ironically absolve himself of the responsibility for being such a large component as to why Claudia had such a "miserable" life. Louis uses fatherhood to romanticise his treatment of Claudia and hide the darker elements to their relationship ("i loved her unconditionally") and it's interesting that we see this defence mechanism triggered during the seance.

when Claudia starts laying into him, Louis instinctively says (almost as a knee-jerk reaction) "what about the thing you should be thanking me for?" -> though it referenced Bruce, almost in effect also means means "what about what you owe me as your father? what about the life i gave you?" (i love the way Jacob Anderson breaks this down it's such a brilliant suggestion to be placed into the script.)

Louis uses fatherhood to reject responsibility for failing Claudia as to him, fatherhood almost acts as blanket 'fix-it' for all his mistakes because at least he can say, i am ultimately your dad, you exist because of me and would have no life if it was not for me.

so to me a lot of people saying that what was said to Louis was somehow undeserving or what Claudia says to Lestat is retcon of their relationship is not entirely accurate. that scene is the culmination of all the events of Paris and NOLA, and Loustat's individual responses to Claudia's behaviour and individual approaches to her upbringing. she most definitely meant the things she said to the both of them because have been subtly reinforced time and time again right from season one.

[covenforclaudia]

Loustat, Parental Trauma and Claudia (iwtv 3x05)

(very long post!!) so after finally gathering the strength to rewatch ep. 5 twice for the sake of this analysis, i've finally appeared with my unholy family thoughts. unsurprising if anyone knows what i usually post about, i have multiple posts addressing the unholy family, but most of those are in terms of Claudia or specifically Lestat/Claudia. i think this is the first piece that i want to dedicate to Louis and Lestat as respective parents, their approaches to parenthood/companionship, some of the psychological aspect of their approaches and how the trauma from their biological parents and respective makers (parents) factors into their decision making. this is going to be one my longer posts as i took a lot of time thinking about it before i even committed anything to my drafts, so those who have been following along with some of my other unholy family posts can hopefully see this as an extra layer of summarisation and maybe even addition to those posts. as usual i will be picking up quotes from all over the show (hopefully they're as accurate as possible) and i think we've progressed enough to point where i don't need to lend any information from the books and i can purely go from the show! (once again long post ahead- this is part one!)

firstly, i want to start with Lestat, and i'm glad that this episode perhaps put the final objections of "Lestat never really loved Claudia" to bed and explored the deep love he had for his daughter and his more reserved way of expressing it. i want to start focusing on Lestat's dynamics with Magnus, Gabriella and even the short scenes with Marius that all transpire before New Orleans. Lestat's relationships with his parental figures is always characterised by either a sense of loss, abandonment or the desire to earn the love he deserves. i think is channelled into his treatment of Claudia. both Louis and Lestat, like most parents i believe, want to break cycles and give their children what they felt they lacked in their own upbringing- however i think Lestat handles this more maturely than Louis does (no surprise with just how old Lestat is) but this is something i will refer back in my second post about this.

i'm thinking about the line in Stained Glass Eyes where Lestat says he was "shaking like a leaf when [Claudia] was born." i love this line because it's such a painfully human experience, but i am also thinking about the fear the concept of parenthood evokes from Lestat, specifically. his mother "paid a nurse to nick her in the womb so [his father] could not humiliate her anymore" and his father cursed him to have children that will "shame" him (3x02). back in his human life parenthood had this undercurrent of failure. children existed to bring dishonour upon the parent, their talents and ambitions (Lestat's "better an actor than a cabbage") were only disservices to the parent. his inward 'goodness' and frailties that made him sensitive were seen as weakness by his mother: "you put Armand's ghouls on stage...that was something but it wasn't evil." (3x04) and his romantic outlook to life "love nothing, do nothing, change nothing" were seen as ridiculous and useless by his father. Lestat constantly felt like a disappointment to his family, his inadequacy being that he is simply not enough of what his mother and father want him to be.

so what does Lestat do when he is raising Claudia? he gives her the room to fully explore the extents of her abilities, and he also gives her the confidence she needs to do so. "she's a prodigious killer, why you'd ever want to stifle her is beyond reason"/" Uncle Les said i conducted myself just fine." (1x04) the kind of affirmations he needed to hear as a human child. but he also takes on the role of mentor, something that he needed his from his vampire 'parents' Magnus and technically Marius. Lestat is never taught how to be a vampire, he is "orphaned." he says that Magnus gave him "no grand history of vampiric origins of physiology, no rules, no counsel." (1x06) and Marius thrusts him into the job of the Keeper despite the fact he "does not want a job" (3x05) and both times around, Lestat's 'failures' from not being taught properly result in him finding some kind of punishment for mistakes he is not aware of. with his exposure of his vampire nature on stage (he doesn't know the laws at this point because Magnus never taught him) results in the plot with the Armand + Children of Darkness, the eventual death of Nicky and the abandonment of his mother. his giving of Akasha the blood on her lips, results in her assault of him, Marius' branding of him as "unworthy" and his forced eviction from Marius' little hovel. (3x05) to avoid this repeat of mistakes for Claudia to contend with, he teaches her of consequence. "look at his face as he burns, this is why we never get close to mortals, because sooner or later, they end up dead." (1x04) through these at times "sadistic" methods Lestat tries to give Claudia what he did not have as a child or a fledgling. confidence and space to grow (what his father stripped him of and what his mother encroached upon through her grooming and vicarious living through Lestat) as well as an understanding of the dangers of vampirism and the responsibility she must carry.

Louis also raises Claudia in line with what we can assume he lacked as child (we don't get to see his childhood.) Florence is a very chilly personality, the household is deeply religious, and Florence is also homophobic. Louis has clearly felt burdened from an early age as the eldest to be the constant provider and protector of his family, and this is only amplified by the fact his father passed away. he also carries a sense of shame about who he is from his mother. "the devil walks at night"/" he's getting his nails done in the fashions that certain men like him do." (1x02-3) Louis has never allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable around his family (except Paul) because he must always put a front in fear of their judgement. "that lie you told about the opera...you were near weeping when the curtain fell" / "...they all thinking it, Paul's the only one who can say it to my face." (1x01). he is boxed in and constantly forced to deny his "true nature" because he has never been given the freedom of the necessary unconditional acceptance from his loved ones to truly be himself.

so what does Louis do with Claudia? he gives her all that emotional freedom, he gives her all that choice he did not feel like he had. she sleeps in a coffin with him, this is a big difference from the frigid interactions between Louis and Florence (in 1x01-2 i'm always struck by the way she is always physically withholding. e.g. offers Levi her arm instead of Louis and is very reluctant to have Lestat kiss her hand in greeting) he is very sympathetic towards Claudia's emotional plights "she is a teenager, all she does is question her own existence." / "she was already broken hearted and you burned her first boyfriend." (1x04). but something i love is also the freedom of choice young Claudia is offered. one of my favourite scenes in season one is the Boat Scene (yes 3x05 destroyed me there will be a post on that later) and i just really love the exchange of dialogue between Louis and Claudia, but also in their physical actions, it's the most father-daughter scene outside of You and Me, in my personal opinion. in this scene, Louis is the one rowing the boat, providing connotations of leadership and guidance, whilst Claudia is allowed to have her fun catching fireflies, providing connotations of innocence. he always Claudia her innocence, he allows her to simply be a child, gives her the grace to a seen as child, something his mother never allowed him. he is either something of value to Florence, (e.g. "the dutiful son") or she renounces him as "the devil." Claudia is simply allowed to be seen as a child. i think the words: "you can kill quick and painless...or you can get extravagant" is also telling of the fact that Louis is at least at first willing to give Claudia some choice instead of forcing her to grow up too fast and embrace roles she is not ready for. i think their small discussion of sexuality and his openness about that too is also beautiful because he is subtly telling her that he will accept her no matter what.

so where does this all go wrong? one of my favourite details that i think gets overlooked when people discuss the differences between the narratives of Claudia's journals and Louis' personal opinion is there pin-pointing of where the unholy family started to fall apart. Louis says to Daniel in 1x04 "Charlie's death ushered in one of the worst eras of our lives" whilst Claudia says "and then the phone rang, and all the fun times stopped" recognising the moment they attend Florence's funeral to be the first familial shift. i personally subscribe to Claudia's take on a metaphorical level, because i think that despite all the effort Louis and Lestat have put into building this "new home" (1x01), the cannot escape the 'sins of the father' in the sense that not every trauma cycle can be broken. Florence's death almost being this awful reminder of the worst aspects of their parenthood suddenly coming to life, and the ghosts of your parents cannot be escaped.

Louis' desire to indulge every single of Claudia's emotional impulses and outbursts (even when he shouldn't) begins to become a problem in the family. his need to have Claudia's emotions validated in the same way his needed to be by his own mother are taken too far as he struggles to develop healthy boundaries with her (what some would call the emotional incest factor in their relationship.) during Lestat's outburst after the chess match in 1x06, he refers to Claudia as "spoiled to the core," and it is true. Louis over-indulges her and falls back against what he knows is right when she asks him to. in the Boat Scene he warns her that "some killing has consequence" and after Charlie's death, instead of sticking by this warning and supporting Lestat's (correct) "tough love" approach to the incident and putting up a united front as parents, Louis sides with Claudia when he knows she is at fault, lashing out at Lestat over the decision to burn Charlie, leading to the start of the more prominent collapse in their marriage ( "you're the reason she's in there") because he prioritises trying to validate Claudia (even when she is at fault) instead of being responsible and trying to get her to face the realities of life and forcing Lestat to shoulder the blame of the "bad parent." this is present again in 1x05 at Lestat's outburst over Claudia's killing spree and attempts to create a fledgling. (of course what Lestat says Claudia is incredibly hurtful- i will get to that shortly) Louis tells Lestat to "shut the fuck up" instead of taking in the severity of what Lestat is trying to show him.

secondly, Louis' desire to preserve Claudia's innocence and remove the burden of her having to shoulder responsibility in the same way he has to as the eldest, negatively manifests in his infantilisation and obsessive protectiveness of her. he struggles to come to terms with the fact that she is growing up "you took here where!?" (in response to Lestat taking her to Lover's Lane) and his inability to accept the fact that she is leaving and does not want to be found. "you don't touch her room"/ "i longed for Claudia" (1x05). her need to prove herself as capable is a factor in her decision to leave as she feels suffocated by Louis and Lestat. "Daddy Lou can get smotherin'" (1x04)

as for Lestat, it isn't so much as Louis whose positive attempts to prevent his own trauma from repeating itself end up in him giving too much, i think it is the opposite, in the sense that Lestat knows how to quickly take back what he has given- confidence and learning. his jibes at Claudia through 1x05, though like Louis always come from a place of wanting to protect her and do what is best for her, always come from a very personal angle. as Claudia as acknowledges "when he's scared, he ridicules." the mocking of Claudia as a way to plummet the confidence in herself that she enjoys i think is a key angle to his parental failures. she is insecure about her "baby doll body" and during an argument Lestat tells her that she is "built like a bird [and that she is] a mistake." she is still not completely over the heartbreak of Charlie and feels like "[nobody] would want [her]" and Lestat goads her by saying "how did Charlie taste? like the love you will never really know?" there is a repeated pattern to be recognised in the methods he uses to break down Claudia when she begins to rebel or act out and this revolves around breaking her confidence.

secondly, Lestat also revokes his indulgence of her as his mentee when he needs to. (as the audience we know that this comes from a place of wanting to keep she and Louis safe from the wider world of vampires but Claudia doesn't know this) he is forthcoming on teaching her vampirism but when she asks "who made you?" in 1x04 as the way a child might just be curious of their lineage, Lestat immediately rebuffs her with "when i'm tired, i'm not so kind." of course, he is not obligated to tell Claudia or Louis his deeply personal trauma from Magnus, but the problem lies in the way he chooses to deflect and respond. this is seen again when Claudia returns and he tells her the other vampires are "society of monsters." exasperated, Claudia says "if what i've read is lies, tell me what's true!" Lestat not only fails here to give a substantial answer, he simply doesn't give an answer at all. i struggle pin-point exactly what this links to in terms of his previous trauma, outside of the desire to protect Louis and Claudia from the other vampires, but it is very reminiscent of Gabriella never fully being able to answer Lestat's questions when she felt confronted. "except for me?" / [no answer] (3x02), "when we killed the wolves, we were mother and son?" / "i love you" (3x04), "shall we do it? shall we scorch the mortal plane (as dark monarchs)?" / "dinner!"

when he is backed into a corner or cannot properly express himself, he withholds knowledge that he has and it hurts Claudia who believes that he "sits on the truth like it's his throne or something"

i think 3x05 reinforced some ideas that i have had knocking around about the parental architecture of the unholy family, and i have a second post on this planned addressing this further by looking at the responsibility aspect of parenthood by looking at the aspects that Louis and Lestat do and do not take accountability for in terms of Claudia but this post was getting so very long! thank you for reading if you have gotten this far, as per usual you do not have to agree with my thoughts, just find it very cathartic to write about the Louis/Lestat/Claudia dynamics as someone who also has poor parental relationships.

[covenforclaudia]

Claudia's "Bleak, Black Life" (iwtv3x06)

i just wanted to put out my personal opinion as a black on this line that has thrown a lot of non-black people into a hysteria. there were posts i was going to reply but i think it's easier if i do it this way.

i have seen a lot of people to say that it is racist for Claudia to have been called her life "bleak [and] black" or that it is racist that the "one good thing" Claudia ever had was her girlfriend Madeleine, who just so happened to be white.

i think there is some kind of misunderstanding of what Claudia is saying here from some non-black people, and that is the belief that somehow being born black is not something that Claudia is allowed to list as one of her personal injustices or grievances in her life. it completely is. in society (specifically in the time period and country she found herself in) it is disadvantageous to be a black woman. there. i said it. this does not mean that i would rather have been born white, or that i resent my blackness. it is the acknowledgment of the harsh reality of the real world. it something every black girl has to reckon with at some point in their life, and simply have to deal with and try move on from. try and find things, people and connections that make this manageable.

the love of Madeleine was that thing for Claudia. and if Madeleine is white? what does this change? Claudia does not say here, "having a WHITE companion is what made my life better" she said that having the love of her companion (regardless of what race she is) is what brought something good about her life. all she ever wanted was a companion to make her vampirism manageable, and she finds that in Madeleine. people's attempts to somehow make this racist is a pattern i have recognised throughout the entirety of this show of people being unhappy about the fact that interracial relationships (especially the white person x black person ones) are the main relationships present in the show. you see it in the people who try to bring down loustat because their "racial differences" somehow make them incompatible, or that Louis "needs a black partner"/ "someone of his own kind." (something i intend to make a post on)

if you are white, and you somehow are offended that Claudia called her life "bleak [and] black" that is white privilege. it is white privilege because you cannot even comprehend why Claudia would say such a thing that is truthful. because you have no understanding of what she means, because you have never once found yourself in the position of realising that so many things or dreams that you may have had as a young child are not attainable because you are born a black woman. it is a harsh reality, and a very bleak one, and Claudia was well within her rights to address it as such.

[nalyra-dreaming]

The NAACP email crowd on twt is doing phrenology on JA. They are saying he's not Black enough. I wish I was making this up

Yeah I saw. I just mentioned that in the ask I just posted. It's.... insane is probably too neutral a word.