Journey to Love

Dating in my 30's

[missyoyo]

Back to basics...self love

More married men! Ugh!

Thought I was dating a nice guy. We went on a few dates. Hadn't moved to anything physical, thank God. Come to find out he was married. Didn't wear a ring and only mentioned he had a child from a previous relationship. Well he failed to say that it was a current wife.

I don't get it. So are married men the only ones who are looking for someone?

I've let go of ALL dating apps as well. They didn't lead to anything.

I've decided to go the route of fate. Let's see who the stars bring my way.

I've also stop actively looking for someone. It's too time consuming and it started to make me depressed that I wasn't drawing any attention from guys.

A girl can only take so much disappointment before she begins to self doubt herself and her looks or even her life.

I've come to far in my self love journey to start doubting myself.

So yes, I'm not longer actively looking. If someone comes my way I'll take from there. Who knows how long this will last. We'll see but of course I'll keep y'all updated on where this takes me.

[missyoyo]

I am not side-chick material!

Do I look like side-chick material? Do I wear a sign that says "married men apply here"? The answer to both of those is a giant HELL NO! So why do only mostly (yeah just roll with it) married men try to date me? Hello if you're married you can't date anyone else! I swear married men think they really have something to offer me. You can't be available to me, you can't put down roots, I can't bring you home to meet the family, hell we can't go out in public. And the biggest thing, you can't be faithful or trustworthy. If you are stepping out on your wife, you are not a good mate or potential mate. You definitely have nothing to offer me. You play on single women's emotions. Telling them things they want to hear. You see a single independent woman and you think that's a deal because she has her own and she won't require you to give anything financially. BOY! Don't nobody want your money, we have our own. What we want is a faithful, attentive man that is ours not belonging to someone else. We don't want to share! So do yourself, YOUR WIFE, and all the women you try to talk to- a favor. Stop stepping outside your marriage! If you are unfulfilled then tell your wife. If you aren't happy, tell your wife. If you want to see other people, tell your wife. STOP coming on and trying to date single women! Some of us will take you're dusty ass but me, I'm going to tell you about yourself and if I come across your wife and she ask me about you, I'm going to tell her all of your business. Why? Because I don't lie and I'm not married to your wife, you are.

[missyoyo]

Goodbye POF

I had too. It was getting me nowhere. I gave it a month and a few days but the messages were not anything I even wanted to entertain anymore. So I gave my email address out to a couple of guys. So far one sporadically messages me and the other has been given my number. He chose to text and not call. I’ve texted with him almost everyday but he still hasn’t called. I’ve found out a couple of things about him. He’s from the Chicago area (thought he was from Louisiana), he is a security officer (he said he was a cop) and I can’t tell if he speaks/text with broken English or he has bad grammar. Still trying to figure out if he’s a scammer. Now for the scammer (I think)…met this guy that claims to be from MS, in the airforce, stationed in Iraq. But how is he texting me and on a dating website? Oh well I kept talking to him honestly to pull out more info. Found him on Facebook (or so I thought) basically tricked him into sending me his FB info. Looks like a private set up so I saw a few pictures. Tried to do more research but it seemed locked down. Not once did he ask for mine. Weird but ok. Oh I forgot he wanted my PayPal info to “send me money to send to his kids”. I told him I didn’t have one and some stuff about me boycotting PayPal. Not once did he ask me why I was boycotting them. So I confronted him about it and about not videocalling or having a military email…actually sending me his military email and he went in about it being a security matter. Oh the big kicker is he said he was 45 and served at the White House during 9/11. Right now I’m just seeing if I can expose him in his lies but since “the confrontation” he hasn’t texted me back. I might have scared him off. Lol. Now for the guy living right here in Jackson that could never meet up for coffee or drinks and would never call me, only text. I’ve tried to set up at list 3 different dates but he’s always working. I’m like cool you set it up. But for some reason he always starts off by saying he wants to cook me dinner. I keep telling him I’m not coming to his house when our first meeting should be in public. So here’s the deal…either he doesn’t actually have a car or he doesn’t look like his pictures. Honestly I don’t remember what he supposedly look like soooo. The known scammer says his name is Hernandez (calls himself white…that’s a whole other story), next is Mike (not a cop) and finally Michael (can’t meet up but come to my house). At this point it feels like I suck at dating or even finding dates.

Update: So Chicago (not a cop) guy is from Trinidad. He actually called me on the phone. I don't know if he was trying to hide it but I knew he had an accent so I asked about it. He seemed genuinely surprised I caught it. Well I'm in theatre and I actually recognized accents and dialects and also Speech patterns pretty fast. Anywho he had nothing really to say I guess just figured we could talk and hear each other voices. He seems to want to move to a farm one day. We would never work. I might fantasize about love on a farm living a country life but in reality I'm more country chic. I like the style but not the actual lifestyle. I love how I already jumped to us living together...what the actual fuck. Nope I don't think this is a love connection.

[missyoyo]

Still dangling my bait on POF

So I've given it a chance and my month is coming to an end next week and yes I'm still single. I've had a few nibbles but nothing worth keeping. I can't help but to believe no one here is looking for anything real unless it's real sex. I've had a few "almost" dates but for some reason or another they never happened. Maybe they didn't expect me to being ok with actually meeting them in public, maybe they were cat-fishing me, maybe they didn't want anything but a text buddy...who knows. I tried taking my picture down hoping to encourage guys to read my profile and actually make an effort to connect. For a few days it worked then it didn't and a bunch of guys asked for pictures. I'm not sure what better way I can use this free app but I refuse to pay for upgraded usage. Will this be the end of me using a dating app...who knows? All I know is I'm ready to find someone to spend time with and date. I'm ready to fall in love.

[missyoyo]

So you're telling me during this wintery mix storm MS is having...NONE of these POF guys who are trying to talk to me, all in my messages, claim they live in the central MS area...NONE, NOT ONE has asked if I'm alright, if I need anything...NOTHING! This is some bull. Honestly if they did I would of course say I'm good but still it's the thought that counts....RIGHT?!? Where are the chivalrous men, the protective men, the thoughtful and kind men? I've decided to only give POF maybe another week. I'm absolutely not finding anyone on here. The only person that seemed to have any kind of intellect and socially not awkward or crazy was the one guy who in the end on his profile stated he was into drugs. Of course the one person I connect with is into drugs...WTF. Yeah if you're wondering I'm not dating anyone into drugs. We're all in our 30s that phase of your life should be over. You're too old for that. Ugh...

[missyoyo]

Text Talk...Words not Letters

I don’t usually harp on grammatical errors when texting, especially with predictive text being a thing now and sometimes you think faster than you text. But I draw the line at: u, r, wyd, etc. Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve used all of the above. But when you are showing someone a first impression, (and you call yourself “intellectual”)…just don’t. This whole POF is full of people who are opposite to what they’ve put on their profile. I get it, some are just looking for hookups. But if I explicitly put on my profile that is NOT what I want or am looking for, why do you send me a message and then get mad when I say no thank you. Y'all I don’t think I’m going to find ANYONE on this app. I’m going to give it 1 month…I’m going to try to give it 1 month. When I get rid of it (unless something crazy and amazing happen) I think I’ll try one of the paying sites, eHarmony. For some reason I’m thinking people that actually are paying for the service will be more invested in meeting someone. Oh don’t worry, I’m still up for meeting people out here in the real world, but that’s slow going if going at all.

[missyoyo]

A week into online dating app...POF

I was already pretty hesitant about trying POF but I figured it's a new year and why not. I've tried dating in the real world but with my schedule and availability, I'm just not meeting anyone. So I downloaded the POF app. I get a lot of messages and I filter through them. Of course you have the "only looking for sex" guys. Then you have the married guys...not sure why they said they were single in their profile. And of course you have the no job or no transportation guys. And living where I live, having a car is a necessity. So I edit my profile to clarify some key things I would like in a potential match: no jail time (you'd be surprise how many people just got out of jail or even still in jail...how the hell do you have access to a dating app!?!), must have reliable transportation (i.e. your own car), must have your own place (really don't want anyone living with their parents, grandparents or God forbid their baby mother(s), must be kind and respectable, must believe in equal rights for all, must not be racist, homophobic, xenophobic, etc..., must be ok with dating a black feminist, and of course must be ok with dating a plus size woman. Now I know that looks like a lot, believe me I've been told I want a robot by some of the guys. It's just after being in the dating world and 35, I kind of know what I don't want and some of what I do want. That's not saying this is a complete list but it is a starting point. You'd be surprise of how many guys look at my picture then message me without reading my profile. There are also the guys who read it and act like they are that type of guy I'm looking for but start off a message by saying "hey sexy" or "can I have your number". So I went ahead and added a couple of things to my profile like: no I don't exchange numbers until I am comfortable and don't call me sexy, cutie or any other pet names. I also decided to get a TextNow app so no matter what I can give out a number but not my number when and if I do feel comfortable. I've made mistakes and I've adjusted for those mistakes. I don't know if I'll meet anyone on this site. So far it's not looking too good. But I am learning a lot about people and how I interact with guys and how I use put up with unnecessary shit. I'm learning not to allow anyone to waste my time because I'm just trying to be nice or give everyone a chance. Everyone doesn't deserve a chance. When will I find love, I don't know. But I've decided to enjoy the journey and see what comes my way. This should be interesting.