conquer from within

lee seungjun, 21 junior entrepreneurship & international trade

[sgnseungjun]

can you see my heart?

sgnhyunjae·:

he’s taken aback when seungjun takes hyunjae’s hand into his own, but it’s a warmth that he welcomes all the same. he doesn’t grow up being showered in physical affection, he doesn’t try to seek it out nor does he allow it towards himself most of the time. it’s unusual, he’s clueless on how to receive them or even react properly. when it’s seungjun though, it feels natural to squeeze the younger’s hand back with a small smile before seungjun let go.

“i doubt that’ll happen in the near future, so you don’t have to be afraid.” besides, isn’t seungjun the one who’d be more capable of—he tries not to think about it now, it feels like a thought that he doesn’t dare venture towards. there’s an image about the younger that he feels may be ruined if he continues he thought, he feels.

when seungjun takes his hand easily, he blinks—he isn’t sure what he was expecting, but it wasn’t that. “it’s okay, i haven’t had chicken in a long while.” he holds onto seungjun’s hand as he guides the other out of the room and into the hallway. “should we head off to the food court?”

     he laughs easily at the other’s reassurance. it’s probably more likely to be the case that seungjun could pick hyunjae up — definitely not bench press him, that would take ridiculous amounts of strength that seungjun doesn’t have, but at the very least, he could easily lift the other up. it’s often easy to forget that seungjun is capable of things like that when he tends to dress in clothing that hides everything. 

     his eyebrows furrow slightly at the other’s suggestion of the food court. “was there a bhc there? i really want bhc,” he laughs as he scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “i’m really craving the bburinkle chicken...” he glances at hyunjae hopefully, his eyes bright. 

     he’s still wondering why hyunjae had called him out at this time, specifically, still sensing that there’s something wrong, but he knows that pushing and asking hyunjae exactly what is wrong won’t work that well. instead, he pulls out his phone, pulling up the pictures of the puppy he’d seen earlier. “so hyung, i told you i saw a puppy earlier — it was so cute, all white and fluffy and he looked like he was smiling all the time! look, here are the other pictures i sent you earlier,” he chatters enthusiastically, showing his friend his phone, an adorable white puppy showcased on the screen.

[sgnseungjun]

find you

sgnhyunjae·:

i should have known.

the signs were right there before him—all the things he’d do for seungjun that he wouldn’t do for anyone else, the way he’d allow the younger to lean into him when he’d usually pull away within a second, the way his chest would turn warm whenever seungjun flashes him with a dimpled smile. it was so obvious, it shouldn’t take a genius to figure all this out.

but what good does knowing do? he put a label to what he’s feeling—jealousy, stemming from the fact that he held feelings for seungjun, feelings he shouldn’t be having for his friend. it’s going to bring him more trouble than it’s worth, and worst of all, it’ll be a burden upon seungjun’s shoulders. that is, if seungjun knew about it. so hyunjae will do everything within his power to make sure that seungjun doesn’t, not when seungjun had the perfect life ahead of him.

the glimpse of what seungjun’s perfect life would be like appears in his mind, and hyunjae orders another drink to drown it out. he’s not sure how long he has been by the bar, having ordered a few rounds already. he already feels lightheaded, in an attempt to get rid of the heavy feeling that’s settling on his chest. he doesn’t try to entertain anyone else, not that many people approached him anyway. he’d get curious glances, most likely because a ball such as this one isn’t the place to get wasted. hyunjae has no intention of getting that drunk, but he does want to stop thinking.

hyunjae isn’t a stranger to burying his own emotions, locking them deep in his heart so as to mask the pain. he can do so with his affections for seungjun as well—it’s for their own good.  a part of him wishes that seungjun would come for him, try to find him despite having ran away. another part wants seungjun to stay away, keep a distance until he can destroy his feelings for good.

i wish i never knew.

     seungjun doesn’t see hyunjae for a long while after that unsettling encounter. he occupies himself by going to dance with jiyul, and then dragging jiyul around to introduce him to hyuk, only to find that they already know each other. it’s a funny interaction, but it’s not enough for him to take his mind off of the strange reaction from hyunjae. he wanders around the ball, greeting friends and dancing with a few people who ask, before returning to ahri’s side and dancing with her for a few more dances, occupying himself and trying not to seek out the older male in order to give him time to cool off, so that they can hopefully talk about what exactly had been the problem. 

     it’s about an hour or so later that he finally detaches himself from his fiancée’s side, giving her a gentle kiss on the cheek and excusing himself. he’d seen hyunjae (he’s pretty sure, at least) at the bar, and he doesn’t think he can stand anymore of this strange energy hovering between them, something he’s entirely unused to it with hyunjae. their friendship is so easy, so natural, that this strange conflict is throwing his whole mood off. 

     the closer he gets to hyunjae, the clearer it is that the other male has been there for a while and is definitely not sober. “hyung,” he says quietly, reaching out to lay a hand on hyunjae’s shoulder hesitantly. it’s weird because he’d never really hesitate when it came to being physically affectionate with his friends, least of all people as close to him as hyunjae is, and yet there’s an aura emanating from the older male that unbalances him. 

     “hyung, how long have you been here? how much have you had to drink?” he asks in quiet concern.

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ butterfly wings —

     seungjun rather feels that as ahri’s official fiancé, it’s his responsibility to try and recruit as many people to attend the dahlia masquerade ball as he can. of course, he wants the event to succeed and he wants her to feel like all her effort has paid off. but he also does genuinely believe that it will be fun, and he’s personally excited for the ball to come. 

     with that in mind, out comes his phone. it’s his job to get the friends he knows wouldn’t usually want to go to an event such as the ball that he has to persuade to come. although he’ll be spending a good deal of time with ahri, he’s also sure that she’ll shoo him away to spend time with his other friends, not wanting to monopolize him all night. she’s just that kind of person. 

✉︎ 𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 … ❪ 고지수 ❫

••• sent › jisoooooooooooo ••• sent › 🥺  ••• sent › you’re going to the ball right?? ••• sent › you have to because you owe me a dance  ••• sent › i’ve decided this now!! 

     he wonders if there are any other friends of his that are going that he could introduce her to. maybe haena and subin, at least. they’re pretty engaging and he thinks that jisoo might feel more comfortable if she knew multiple people.

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ brave faces —

sgnhyunjae·:

“oh, please. you know i’m right.” it’s peculiar how easily he can laugh when he’s around seungjun, finding himself doing so more than once whenever he’s within the younger’s presence. “you want to sit on the totoros? is that what you do when you find something cute? i won’t lie, that’s a little concerning.” hyunjae teases once more, just as the movie reaches its end. he takes out his phone to tell his roommate that he won’t be coming home tonight, then locks it back.

there’s a little disappointment when seungjun pulls away from him and sits back up, but he brushes it off quickly. “probably not,” he states as he also stands and follows seungjun into his room. “i do have pajamas with short sleeves, but when i’ve ran out i usually just wear a tank top and short pants.” whenever it gets too hot, hyunjae would keep waking up, tossing and turning. he can use blankets though, only if the room temperature isn’t the least bit warm.

“by the way, should i crash your couch?” he asks. he doesn’t mind the floor all that much either, it wouldn’t be the first time. “or should i be the koala this time around and protect you from any danger?” he jokes—or at least he believes he is, only to find that he’s only half joking.

     “are you worried?” he shoots back with a wide smile, dimpled and so genuine, his eyes sparkling. “are you scared i’ll suddenly say you’re cute and plop down on your lap?” he giggles a bit to himself, shaking his head. “i can only do that to cute things that aren’t alive,” he says as though to reassure the other, his lips curled up at the corners. 

     “i know that you get warm easily, hyung, so i’ll find you something thinner. i don’t think you want to wear long sleeves,” he explains and he fishes through his drawers before he pulls out a pair of shorts and a slightly oversized sleeveless shirt that he only really wears if it’s under a hoodie or something, handing them over to the other. “try them on, and if they don’t fit, i’ll look for something else,” he instructs as he gets out his own pajamas. “you can change in the bathroom if you prefer!”

     he pauses at that and he blinks at the other. “oh, i was thinking we could just share the bed, it’s big enough — i have extra blankets, too. i don’t think the couch would be that comfy...” honestly, he’d just rather have hyunjae’s presence closer, seeing as how he’s pretty sure he’s going to wake up in the middle of the night, scared, anyways. he laughs at the other’s joke and he protests, “no, i’m the koala! the tree protects the koala, hyung.”

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ star light, star bright —

sgnhyuk·:

sgnjiyul·:

/

“we—” know each other already, jiyul attempts to say. the words die a little ineloquently in jiyul’s throat, like his mind is rejecting the possibility of socializing even more tonight, even if it’s in the company of friends (can he call @sgnhyuk a friend?). “hey,” is all jiyul manages for a second, the smile on his lips easy. “again,” he adds, gaze flitting from hyuk to seungjun. “hyuk and i were roommates in our first year,” he explains, his smile softening. “but you’re right. he is nice and i think we get along well too?” jiyul suggests, looking at hyuk half-expectantly. 

it’s unsurprising that somehow, seungjun and hyuk know each other. he thinks to ask how they met, but jiyul can’t muster up the energy right away to say anything more. 

[ ... ]

     “hi,” he says, his voice probably sounding more fond than they needed to be. he’s happy though, that they’ve started becoming friends again. “yeah, i think we get along pretty well,” he laughs, tipping his head back slightly before turning to seungjun. 

     “i didn’t realize how many mutual friends we had,” he comments, surprised mostly on his own part. he was never one to really make lasting friendships of any sort. “are you secretly stalking me outside of fashion club?” 

     the last thing he expects to be told when he introduces hyuk and @sgnjiyul· to each other is that they already know each other, and that revelation throws seungjun off for a moment. his eyes widen in surprise as he glances between the two of them. “what? really?” he asks and he laughs then, now more amused that he’d happened to introduce two friends to each other. maybe on a normal day, it would have made him feel more embarrassed or unsure, but seungjun is still feeling rather strange from the encounter he’d had earlier with hyunjae. he hasn’t yet tried to find the older male a second time, trying to distract himself and give hyunjae some time to calm down. 

     he crosses his arms over his chest at hyuk’s playful accusation and he gasps, “as if! you’re probably the one who’s stalking me,” he says with a skeptical squint from behind his mask. “hyuk hyung is sneaky,” he tells jiyul with a grin, obviously not meaning it. “we’re in the fashion club together, his designs are really cool! have you ever seen them?” he asks the tallest male. 

      “are you here because seungwoo hyung made you come?” he asks hyuk, having been unsure whether he’d see the red-haired male at this ball. honestly, he’d been kind of surprised that jiyul had actually come too, though he knows that jiyul had accompanied hyunjae. and hyunjae, of course, had come because seungjun had harassed him to. at the thought of hyunjae, another twinge of discomfort flickers in him, and he frowns slightly before he reminds himself to school his expression. 

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ always —

sgnseungmin·:

these kinds of events are something he finds himself at more often than he would like to admit. given, he rarely comes to the school ones, but outside of school? way to often. if it’s not his father dragging him to some kind of dinner party, then it’s his own personal business meetings and parties in which he always manages to avoid drinking– no one really knows how he does it. so while he knows how to uphold himself at things like this, it doesn’t really means he enjoys it. he is happy to see jaehee and seungjun having so much fun. as well as the rest of his kids in his collection. yes, he supposes it isn’t all bad.

his expression falls back to a frown–the normal look he wears when he isn’t around important company in which he has to keep up the respectful and cheerful persona. his gaze moving onto seungjuns hand when his brother returns with jaehee at his side. his girlfriend is stunning as always, though he already knew she was beautiful, and his brother has cleaned up rather nicely too but.. even their happy smiles are not enough for him to agree automatically. he has managed to avoid dancing with everyone except jaehee. who is he to deny his girlfriend? and seungjun is going to have to try harder than that. “hm.. sorry, but I do not know how to dance.” he replies, arms crossing over his chest as he gives seungjun an almost amused look. 

     at his brother’s solemn reply, though it’s slightly spoiled by the sparkling in seungmin’s eyes, seungjun gasps in shock, his eyes widening behind the mask. not because of what his brother had said, but because of the fact that his brother had said that at all. the blatant untruth, the flat out lie — seungjun stares at his brother in disbelief, though he can’t repress the amusement flickering in his eyes. 

     “hyung,” he says in disbelief. “did you really just say that to me?” he crosses his arms over his chest. “you literally—” he gestures at the floor, referring to what his brother had literally just come back from doing. this is even funnier because it’s seungmin who had said this. his brother, who is often so serious, and seungjun is even more motivated to encourage seungmin to keep going by giving him dramatic reactions. “hyuuuuung,” he says, his voice bordering on a playful whine as he latches onto the other’s arm as best as he can, “come dance with me!” 

[lgcsam]

a question

each day gets closer to the anniversary and thus each day his stress over the date rises. seungmin has always been someone to worry over the finer details of even the simplest events, so it’s no wonder he’s absolutely losing it regarding this coming up event. a ten year anniversary is nothing to sneeze at, and his girlfriend has made more than a few hints about what she would like her gift to be. but this only means seungmin has been stressing over… how. 

he doesn’t want to go to cliche, or too boring. he doesn’t want to make the night something not worth remembering because it is going to be their tenth year and if all goes well the first day of their engagement– because yes, seungmin is planning to propose. and as the calendar gets closer and closer to october 5th, his nerves seem to grow tenser and tenser. 

thats how he finds himself seeking out seungjun, the older lee sibling at his wits end with ideas and none of them even seem to be good enough. thus he believes the help of @sgnseungjun would be just what he needs. after all seungjun has also known jaehee for nearly as long as seungmin himself. so, after confirming the younger wouldn’t be in class, he calls his brother up without a moment of hesitation.  “seungjun ah, are you busy? come have lunch with me. i have something i wish to discuss.” 

[sgnseungjun]

     most of his friends prefer to use text, especially over kakao, or even message each other through social media. it’s quite rare that he gets phone calls unless they’re related to something to do with his parents or the business that he’ll eventually inherit one day. and his brother, of course. his brother is another person who calls him from time to time. 

     he’s just gotten out of his morning class when his phone starts buzzing in his pocket and he picks it up after checking the caller id. “hi hyung,” he says cheerfully, adjusting his bag on his shoulders. “i’m not busy, where do you want me to meet you?” he’s curious about what his brother might want to talk about, seeing as how this had come out of nowhere. 

     but seungmin always has a purpose, so if his brother is calling him and asking him to come for lunch at that moment, it must be something important. he wonders if the older male is trying to figure out a gift for jaehee, since seungjun knows that their anniversary is coming up soon. if he’s not mistaken, they’ve been together for ten years, which is definitely not a short amount of time. so seungmin probably has to come up with some big, meaningful gift to make the anniversary extra special. at least, that’s seungjun’s guess. he could be completely off, but he thinks that it’s not an unlikely reason. 

[sgnseungjun]

find you

sgnhyunjae·:

it’s apparent that seungjun had noticed he was acting out of character, or at the very least, unlike himself whenever he’s with the younger. hyunjae can’t even provide an explanation as to why, yet he knows that whatever it is, he can’t tell seungjun about it. a part of himself is telling him that it’s time to bury everything before it even comes to the surface—whatever it is.

listening to seungjun repeat the word was enough for hyunjae to cringe. it’s a stupid question that came out of nowhere. hyunjae doesn’t even want to know the answer, suddenly. he wants to close his ears, but he can’t. when seungjun denies it, though, there’s an unmistakable spark that he doesn’t miss. he can finally look at seungjun again. is he relieved?

that doesn’t last for long, because immediately after, seungjun lays in the final blow—and the pain doubled, breath hitched, eyes widened. there’s a strong throbbing in his chest, growing louder and louder, harder and harder. it takes a while for hyunjae to notice that he hasn’t said anything in response, simply standing there with his lips parted.

“oh, is that so.” this time, he has to put in effort into making his voice sound levelled. he pulls it off, to his own surprise. he gives seungjun a smile, or at least tries to. “glad to hear. i’m happy for you.” it feels like he’s just saying empty words, without meaning them. he’s supposed to be genuinely happy for his friend, so why isn’t he? why does it hurt?

he blinks, as if things are starting to click. fuck. of course.

he doesn’t wait for seungjun to explain any further. hyunjae doesn’t want to hear it, he can’t bring himself to. “i… wow, do you feel a little parched?” he says out of nowhere, completely irrelevant to the topic at hand. “i, suddenly, really need a drink.” he’s taking a few steps backwards. seungjun’s presence is making his chest feel heavier as opposed to the usual lightness.

he was right. seungjun can’t know.

    seungjun hesitates, eyes scanning over hyunjae’s face behind the mask. it’s harder to gauge the other’s expression with the mask in his way, but one thing is for certain — seungjun doesn’t think that hyunjae is pleased. there’s something stiff and cold about the way the other is holding himself, and seungjun feels oddly discomfited by it.

    he feels this urge to assuage the other’s obvious upset, even if he has no idea why hyunjae is upset. he doesn’t even know why he’s feeling the intense urge to somehow explain himself. his business with ahri is precisely that — their business, and hyunjae is just a friend. what difference should it make to the other?

    still, he finds his lips parting, for what he isn’t really sure, but the words are bubbling up. they stop abruptly when he hears hyunjae’s reply, flat and emotionless, level, and his chest clenches momentarily. this isn’t the hyunjae he’s used to and seungjun finds himself floundering about how exactly to deal with it. he’s thrown off, feeling like he’s in water that he’d thought was shallow but turned out to be so much deeper than it really was. and this strange, because he’s never felt that way about hyunjae.

     ”thank you...?” he says uncertainly in response to the other’s false words of congratulations, and he wants to explain for some reason, feels the urge to sort out what’s clearly a misunderstanding, but before he can even say another word, hyunjae is babbling about being parched, and then — before seungjun can even say anything, hyunjae is gone. pushed through the crowd to vanish from his site, and seungjun is left there, discomfort at the interaction surging through him. he feels so strangely off-kilter, and he supposes it’s because an interaction with hyunjae has never ended quite like this. 

     there isn’t anything he can do now, he thinks to himself in resignation. he’ll have to see if he can find hyunjae later on during the ball, to try and figure out why the other had been acting so off. 

[sgnseungjun]

can you see my heart?

sgnhyunjae·:

hyunjae doesn’t elaborate further, even with seungjun’s inquiry. he doesn’t want to shove his issues onto the younger, would much prefer to say he doesn’t have any. and yet, it’s hard for him to lie to seungjun. so, he stays quiet instead, doesn’t try to explain himself further, knowing he’d only be exposing himself to the other. not saying anything at all won’t help ease seungjun’s worries, but it’s the best he could do.

still, a smile does make its way onto hyunjae’s face when seungjun looks at him with sincerity like that. it makes him feel a little better, helps him push the thoughts to the back of his mind for the moment. “unfortunately, i’m not at that stage yet.” he answers to seungjun’s joke with honesty, to make up for the fact that he isn’t responding to the other question.

“i guess she’s the cute type of ghost, then?” finally, he does bring himself to stand up, picking his things off of the floor and shoving them to his bag before slinging it over his back. lastly, he holds his hand out for seungjun to take. “sounds good. do you have anything in mind?” he’s happy to be spending time with seungjun—maybe a little happier than he should be. “should i let you pick for making you come all the way here?”

    he reaches out for the other’s hand without hesitation, squeezing the older’s hand. seungjun is a very tactile person and often uses this as a method to help others feel better, not really knowing how else to help at times. he hopes that he’ll be able to communicate how sincere he is and how much he means what he’d said.

    “that’s okay,” he says warmly in response to hyunjae’s honest answer, squeezing the other’s hand again before he lets go. “i think i’d be really scared of you if you could bench press me, you know. that’d be so scary, hyung.” he smiles at the other brightly, hoping to cheer the other up as it seems like hyunjae is in a strange mood. perhaps that’s why the other had called him here.

    when hyunjae gets to his feet, seungjun straightens up, reaching for his backpack again and scrambling to his feet. “she’s a cute ghost,” he agrees. hyunjae offers his hand, and seungjun takes hold of it without even thinking, his backpack slung over his shoulder. at the question of what he wants to eat, he tilts his head to the side, clearly thinking, before he proclaims, “i want chicken! is that okay with you, hyung?” if not, seungjun can always pick something else — but chicken sounds really good at that moment.

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ a moment to breathe —

sgnseungmin·:

part of him realizes that he isn’t going to actually get much done with seungjun on his lap like this. sure the younger isn’t fully seated on him but he’s still enough in the way—enough of a distraction–that seungmin is actually finding it hard to even focus on what he’s doing. he supposes he’s done enough for now, and anything more he could wake up earlier and do–or just do during his lunch tomorrow. 

with that in mind he moves to start saving things properly so nothing is lost when he shuts down his laptop. he couldn’t imagine what would happen if he lost any of this. if they think he’s over working himself now… “i get enough sleep to remain healthy and not mess up my working ability.” he remarks, which isn’t really a lie. sure. he doesn’t get the full 8 hours, but seungmin has gotten use to the hours he sleeps and is good at keeping up even is he does wake feeling a little extra tired. and it’s not like he needs to explain himself to his baby brother. 

speaking of said brother. “though it sounds as if someone is about to fall asleep.” he hums, leaning back to more of a slouch now that he isn’t actually working on anything. normally he’s strict with is posture but even seungmin needs to relax some times and seungjun would never judge him for slacking. “do you want to go back to your own room, or stay here?” he offers. normally he would just send seungjun on his way, but he’s feeling soft tonight.

     “that’s what you think,” he mumbles softly and it’s not really heated or insistent, knowing that his brother will continue to do as he wants, no matter what seungjun says. in the end, the only person who can convince seungmin to do something is seungmin, and the only thing seungjun and jaehee can do is try to help him along that path. 

     his eyes are closed, feeling too comfortable to protest or say anything, and his expression is just screaming contentedness, rather like a smug little cat. “mm, comfy,” he yawns in response to his brother’s soft hum, not moving at all, and his hand comes up to curl slightly in the other’s shirt, resting against his brother’s stomach. he remembers when seungmin used to let him fall asleep in his lap, and just the feeling of seungmin all around him is so reminiscent of their younger days that the comfort is irresistible. 

     though even in his sleepy state, seungmin’s offer to let him stay is unexpected. seungjun would never turn down a chance for extended cuddles, so he cracks his eyes open to blink up at his brother sleepily. “here, please,” he says, the corners of his lips curling up in satisfaction. “m’comfy.” he should probably get up and they should move to the bed, but he's reluctant to move.

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ brave faces —

sgnhyunjae·:

his smile only grows wider when seungjun gives him a glare, he knows he won this round. hyunjae loves to claim victory whenever he could, although when it comes to seungjun, he finds himself giving in to the younger just as often. but not this time, because this is a matter he definitely won’t back down on. it may be trivial, holding no true meaning. still, he wants seungjun to know how utterly adorable he is.

once he knows he has won, he doesn’t push the subject further, saving seungjun from whatever embarrassment that comes from a friend calling him cute. “aren’t there dolls of the totoros? maybe you should get one. it’s the next best thing, since we’ll never encounter them in real life.” hyunjae summarises that he doesn’t need one, not when he has seungjun, who curls up next to him like this. he doesn’t usually care for affection, he welcomes it when it’s seungjun though.

“in that case, pick one for me,” he says. he never did pay much attention to their differences in height or built, mostly because whenever he’s around the younger, seungjun holds onto him so tightly it’s hard to observe. not that he minds, there’s no downside to that. “i’ll trust my fate with you.” he’s curious to see what seungjun will make him wear, he doesn’t think they have the same taste in fashion.

    he huffs softly to himself, shaking his head in playful disbelief at the other. “i can’t believe you’re like this,” he mumbles in clear resignation as he sighs, too comfortable to actually make any protests, shiber soft against him, warmth radiating from where he’s cuddled up against hyunjae. there’s something so comforting to seungjun about cuddles, how the warmth of somebody else chases away the cold and reassures him that he’s not alone. 

     “maybe i should,” he muses and it doesn’t matter to him that he practically has an army of plushies. they’re his weakness and he loves having them surrounding him, like the knights of his court from stories long ago. they protect him from the bad dreams, he might joke, only half serious. “ooh, i want one of those bean bags... i think they have totoro beanbags... i could sit on him, then,” he giggles as the movie winds to a close, and he absolutely feels so much more relaxed — a combination of the movie and the comfort of cuddling, especially with hyunjae. 

     “okay, okay,” he says and he sits up slowly, stretching lazily, a soft yawn escaping his lips involuntarily. he usually wears an actual pajama set to bed, especially silk ones, as they’re soft and regulate his temperature well, keeping him warm, but he suspects that hyunjae might not like that as much. “what do you usually wear to sleep, hyung? i don’t think we wear the same things,” he laughs as he stands from the couch to beckon the other towards his room and his closet. 

[sgnseungjun]

find you

sgnhyunjae·:

there’s an ache in his chest that he doesn’t understand, a flame that consumes his very senses and leaves him feeling numb. it was ignited the moment his eyes land on ahri and seungjun, refusing to die down even after he has walked a safe distance away from the two of them. it burns and burns, as if it’ll swallow hyunjae whole. the image of his two friends together doesn’t leave his mind, he can see it as clear as day even when he closes his eyes.

but why?

no matter where he runs, how hard he tries to hide, it’s only a matter of time until seungjun finds him. he knows that seungjun is determined, wouldn’t go back on a promise even if it’s a little bet. it shouldn’t surprise hyunjae when the younger appears by his side, the bright grin that he had grown to love on seungjun’s masked face. usually, it would be easy for hyunjae to return the other’s smile. this time around, his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“i suppose i dug my own grave, didn’t i?” his tone is flat, missing the beam that comes whenever he’s speaking with the younger. it throws him off—why was he acting like this? hyunjae can only hope seungjun doesn’t notice, but the other has always been rather perceptive.

when he meets seungjun’s eyes, the image of him and ahri flashes through his mind once more. the pain returns, a little stronger this time due to seungjun’s presence. and before he could stop himself, he blurts out, “why did you leave your girlfriend?” for some reason, the term leaves a bitter taste in his mouth. he can’t bring himself to look seungjun in the eye again.

    his smile is bright, warm and genuine initially. it falters when he notices that hyunjae’s smile is barely there, not reaching his eyes, and he hesitates. then hyunjae REPLIES, and seungjun is thrown off. this isn’t what he’s used to at all. hyunjae’s tone is flat, without any of the emotion he’s used to hearing from the older, and his smile falters and falls.

    “i—“ he starts, but he finds that he has nothing to say to the other in reply, more confused than anything else, about the other’s behaviour. hyunjae’s next words are even more confusing and he takes a half step back, his eyes widening slightly behind his mask.

    “my girlfriend?” he asks, sounding rather puzzled and he’s not sure whether he’s more baffled by the fact that hyunjae thinks ahri is his girlfriend, or by the fact that the older male sounds upset. “do you mean ahri nuna??”

     without even waiting for the other to confirm, he shakes his head. “nuna isn’t my girlfriend,” he says and there’s no hesitance in that statement, but he follows it up almost immediately with, “she’s my fiancée, actually. kind of... it’s kind of complicated.” 

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ night of our lives —

sgnahri·:

ahri always feels that every event that is under dahlia’s name is always nervewrecking, after all she has to be sure that everything is up to the standards of the social club name, she has to be sure that nothing will go wrong and what does, it’ll be fixed before bigger issues arise and of course before much more people are even aware of the problem in the first place. she has to make sure that dahlia always impresses everyone, that they expect something and they exceed that expectations. it, of course, demands a lot of work from everyone but in the end, when the event is successful, it’s completely worth it. 

this one in special makes ahri a little more stressful than the others considering that she did use it mostly to forget about some personal issues and she might be feeling like she could’ve neglected some part of it — that’s why she even asked seungwoo and seungjun’s opinion about some aspects to the ball just to be sure that she wasn’t overseeing anything. even now, when she’s already dressed and waiting for seungjun to arrive (even after her insisting that they could easily just meet at the pre-dinner instead of him following her early to the event since ahri needs to supervise the last preparations and it was very cute, how he asked her to with the ball with him even though they’d be going together even if he hasn’t), ahri still feels like she’s missing something, that she’s forgetting something important even if logically speaking she’s not. it’s definitely early for even the pre-diner, but ahri knows that she won’t have the time to come back and get ready.

she’s just finishing putting her last accessories when she hears the knock on her door. ahri doesn’t even hesitate to open it since she knows that this could only be one person and before the dahlia president catches a glimpse of her partner for the night, she’s faced with a beautiful bouquet of roses. ahri can’t help but smile at the gesture. “hello, junnie.” she greets back, takes the bouquet gently. “oh my, you didn’t need to get me those, but thank you, they’re beautiful.” she touches the petal of one of the flowers and then presses a soft kiss to seungjun’s cheek. “i’m just going to get them in a vase and we can go.”

ahri doesn’t waste too long in living the flowers on her desk, with water and in a pretty vase. she gets her things then, a small purse with her documents and cellphone before she approaches seungjun again, takes a deep breath and prepares herself for the still couple of hours that she has to be stressed before finally calming down when the event starts. “are you ready then, mr. lee?” and ahri rests her hand on his arm, ready for him to guide her to the location of the event. 

      seungjun is pleased when ahri appears to be just as happy as he’d hoped, a faint heat rushing to his cheeks at the gentle little kiss. it doesn’t show on his face yet, not in physical colour, but he definitely feels a little bit warmer after the kiss. it’s not that he really has any romantic feelings for ahri — no, they’re more like siblings than anything else, very close siblings, at that — but she’s still beautiful and her kisses can still make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. then again, maybe he’s just weak for kisses. 

     he patiently waits for her to return to him, and he takes a good look at her outfit, her hair, everything she’d done to get ready for the ball. when she does come back, placing a hand on his arm, he tells her with so much sincerity in his voice, “you look absolutely beautiful, nuna.” 

     he escorts her out, leading her down to the car that he always rides in, since it’s the one his bodyguard drives, and he smiles a little bit sheepishly at her. "i don’t know how much help i’ll be, but don’t hesitate to ask me for anything.” he says to her softly before he reaches up to cup her cheek momentarily. “and don’t worry so much! it’s going to be an amazing ball, and people will be talking about it for months.” 

     when they get to the silver millennium hotel, seungjun gets out of the car first so he can go to her side and open her door for. he’s determined today to be very much the perfect date, so that at least it’s one thing she doesn’t have to worry about. also, he likes making ahri smile, no surprises there. he still remembers how hard she had worked to make him smile when he had been so afraid as a child. it’s the least he can do for her, if he thinks about it that way. he offers her his arm once more, ready to guide her into the ballroom that will be the setting for the dahlia masquerade ball later that night.

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ fever —

sgnyoongi·:

yoongi narrows his eyes for a moment when seungjun just reassures him that he’s ok, not completely buying his answer but then it isn’t like he has much more evident that the other is lying to him about his condition and that’s why he lets it go. after all, yoongi’s best friend is kim chan, chan who is always smiling and telling him that things are ok even though they really aren’t, chan who he needs to keep nudging until he admited that he wasn’t as ok as he said he was, chan who yoongi needs to reassure that it’s ok not be ok, that he doesn’t need to put up a front for yoongi from all the people. and the mafia heir does feel sometimes that seungjun is the same, perhaps a little better at faking his smiles than chan was, but still. oh well, not like this is any of yoongi’s business anyway, why seungjun is faking it or what he’d be hiding. 

of course, as long as the kid didn’t pass out on him. 

“if you say so.” yoongi doesn’t press into it further, deciding instead to also take his position on the floor. he grimaces when he needs to sit down with his legs spread until he starts to feel the burn. he should probably force it a little more just like a professor would recommend him to so the stretching exercises would actually stretch him. but then again there’s no professor to supervise them and seungjun already forces yoongi enough to make up for it anyway. 

the grad student raises an eyebrow at seungjun’s comment. “actually it’s a little hot.” or so yoongi thinks. well, it isn’t extremely hot, but it’d definitely be classified more of a warmer day than a cold one, the air con not really doing much with for the and that’s another evidence that there’s something wrong with seungjun and it isn’t only because he’s always at least wearing long sleeves even in the middle of the summer which only adds when he feels the a little warmer than usual hands on his back. 

it bugs yoongi but he keeps going. “alright, remember to not stop even when i tell you to stop.” because they both know that yoongi will ask seungjun to stop at the first discomfort, be the closest that he gets to beg to anything, and the younger boy will obediently not listen to him.

     seungjun is pleased that he’d kept up his flexibility throughout high school and into university, and he appreciates it more every time he helps yoongi stretch. the older male seems to struggle before they really get that far, and it’s seungjun’s responsibility to help him stretch even slightly past his limits. it never takes long for yoongi to ask seungjun to stop, but he’s always pretty good at ignoring the other’s pleas until he thinks that yoongi is really nearing the point of unbearable discomfort.

     he makes a face at yoongi’s response, not quite believing the other, and he pushes the other properly, his expression contemplative as he muses, “really? it’s hot?” he asks and he purses his lips with a small frown on them. “i feel kind of cold... which is weird, usually this is enough for me to feel okay...” his voice reflects his uncertainty at the situation and he frowns slightly to himself, again. 

     “try not to give up too soon, hyung,” he teases gently as he leans against the other, careful not to put too much weight against the older male’s back, heat radiating out from his body. he really is tired, he decides, and he should probably really consider missing taekwondo to take a nap or something. he feels a little light-headed and the cough that’s been plaguing him for the past few days breaks out again, just a small little cough that he forces to settle down. 

     after they’ve been stretching for a while, his throat itches, and he coughs again, though this time, it doesn’t settle as easily. he has to break away from yoongi, covering his mouth with his elbow, coughing out an apology. “sorry, hyung,” god, he hates coughing fits, they make him want to throw up and they never seem to stop, “water —” and it takes him several gulps of water, feeling like he’s going to choke on the gulps, before the coughing fit finally calms down. he has to sit there for a moment, his head spinning, throat aching from the abusive coughing fit. 

[sgnseungjun]

can you see my heart?

sgnhyunjae·:

the way seungjun always seems to know what he needs surprises him most times, like right now, with seungjun handing him a bottle of water. he musters a smile as he takes it, hydrating himself as seungjun had told him to. he finishes the bottle rather quickly, setting it aside once he is done with it. he wonders whether seungjun just secretly knows how he’s not the best at taking care of himself.

as much as he wants to believe seungjun, and he finds himself close to doing so, it’s hard to do so when he just finished judging himself on the mirror, picking out every flaw that he can see. it’s a habit that he had grown accustomed to, it’s hard to get rid of when someone else would do it when he doesn’t. just in time, there’s another ping from his phone. hyunjae knows who it’s from, letting out a short and frustrated sigh. he takes a quick glance at the notification, and it’s enough to make him grimace.

he ignores it again, despite knowing the consequences. “i do, but it’s better than letting you see.” he’s not even sure what it is exactly he doesn’t want to show seungjun—his own body? “or maybe it’s so you wouldn’t be surprised with my build?” he says, in an effort to lighten up his previous words for whatever reason.

“too bad you can’t ever resist phantom.” he shares the same sentiment. “not really… i kind of called you here on a whim. sorry about that.” it’s embarrassing to admit, he could only hope he isn’t being a thorn on seungjun’s side. “but, i haven’t really eaten much.” he probably should have before he started practicing, but again, he’s not great at taking care of himself.

     he tilts his head slightly as the other’s phone goes off, and hyunjae’s mood seems to drop at the notification. instead, he chooses to focus on what the other is saying. “what do you mean, better than letting me see?” he asks with a small frown, and he scoots closer. somehow, he senses that it’s not about the little joke hyunjae had tried to make. it feels more negative than that, and he reaches out to touch hyunjae’s shoulder. 

     “you know that there’s nothing wrong with the way you look, right, hyung? you look good.” he tells the other with a serious look in his eyes, a tiny little frown on his face. his expression softens slightly. “are you going to bench press me with all your muscles?” he jokes in reply. 

     he shrugs slightly at the other’s apology. “phantom is a menace. i see why subinnie named her phantom. sometimes she appears like a ghost,” he laughs and he stretches out lazily, using his backpack as support, his attire too nice to really be rolling around on a dance practice floor in. “let’s go eat dinner, then — i had a late lunch, so i hadn’t eaten yet either. i was just drinking hot chocolate...” he grins sheepishly at that, no shame in the fact that he was absolutely drinking hot chocolate at the cafe instead of something more adult. 

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ brave faces —

sgnhyunjae·:

seungjun isn’t helping him make his case at all, he thinks, because the more seungjun is rambling like this the cuter hyunjae finds him. so, he doesn’t say anything until the younger finishes, a dazed smile on his face, eyes on nothing else but the younger. if he were to listen to seungjun talk all day, he’d be more than content.

most of all, it seems seungjun is back to his usual self. the remnants of the horror movie they watched might still creep at the back of his mind, but at least seungjun isn’t scared beyond words as he had been earlier. hyunjae would like to think that his presence helped, even if just a little bit, but it feels like wishful thinking only.

“well, you’re fluffy, and you’re rather squishy.” he makes a point to pinch seungjun’s cheek as he says that, albeit not too hard. “you’ve helped me out before, so i’d say you’re helpful too. anything else? or are you going to keep arguing with me knowing you’d lose?”

he’s surprised at the invite. he doesn’t take longer than a second to say, “of course. but are you sure your pajamas are going to fit me?” he teases. he could try and get his clothes, maybe ask bin to meet him halfway with them. he doesn’t want to leave seungjun alone though.

     he’s under the impression that he’d won the argument about why totoros were absolutely cuter than him, only to hear hyunjae’s calm retort and feel a pinch to his cheek, still gentle. “ah!” he cries out in surprise, turning an offended glare onto hyunjae, though it doesn’t really hold any heat. “i — but —” he protests against hyunjae’s rebuttals, his lips parting slightly as his brain tries to formulate some kind of argument. 

     nothing comes to mind, too caught off guard by the other’s quick retorts, and if seungjun is being honest, it kind of makes him happy. it feels nice, in a way, makes him feel all warm inside, to know that hyunjae obviously thinks that way because of how quick the other’s words had been. he settles for letting that warm feeling sink into him, a content little smile curling up his lips, giving into the other’s smug assertion. “but they’re so cute,” he says softly and he curls up closer to hyunjae, tucking his head against the other’s neck. “i want to hug one.” 

     he glances up at hyunjae without any real concern in his eyes over whether the other will fit his clothes. “of course you will, hyung,” he says with a laugh, “my pajamas are oversized and you’re not that different in size from me.” at least, he doesn’t think hyunjae is. he thinks they’re probably around the same size, and he might even be a tiny bit taller than the other, but he’s never really had the opportunity to compare clothing sizes with the other or anything like that. still, he’s sure his pajamas are big enough to fit hyunjae. 

[sgnseungjun]

˚∘ ✧ star light, star bright —

     seungjun loves @sgnjiyul. he really, really does. jiyul is one of his best friends and seungjun holds the other so close to his heart, his affection for the other unquestionable. and being so close to jiyul, he knows that the other doesn’t get along well with ridiculously social situations, which is a prime example of what the ball is. when he spots a head of cherry-red hair, though, his eyes brighten. somehow, he has the feeling that jiyul will get along quite well with @sgnhyuk. he thinks that the fashion vice president could probably help impart a little bit of self-confidence into jiyul, too, to overcome the shyness that he knows impedes the other’s desire to make friends. 

     perhaps hyuk’s bluntness will be able to counteract the other’s shyness. or it could just go fantastically wrong, but for some reason, seungjun has the feeling that it won’t. taking jiyul’s hand, he smiles up at the older from behind his mask. “hyung, come and meet one of my friends. i promise he’s nice!” he says, even as he tugs the black-haired male along to hyuk. 

     “hyuk hyung! i want you to meet someone,” he says happily, tilting his head at the red-haired male, a dimpled smile on his face. “this is my friend, jiyul. jiyul, this is hyuk!” he introduces them to each other cheerfully. “i thought you two might get along well...” he says with a sheepish, shy smile, his eyes glimmering with warmth behind the intricate mask.