I’ve been pretty MIA since finishing Lifeline. I’ve been bouncing between a couple of ideas for my next fic but then life got in the way and now I’m going through a divorce so yeahhhh 😅
Once this whole divorce thing is done and I’m finally free and in my own place I hope to get back to writing. Just letting yall know I’m still alive and well lol 😂
[Totally unrelated kind of, but I’ve been playing a lot of Love & Deepspace so don’t be surprised if a random one off fic about Sylus or Caleb appears out of nowhere 🫢]
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Epilogue
Yoongi and Hyeri found a bit of pleasure in watching the media implode at the news of their relationship. Their instagram post made its way around the world three times within seconds of it being posted. A few times during their vacation they checked social media just to see what people were saying. Many people were supportive but of course there’s always the toxic few that demanded Yoongi leave the group and Hyeri get dropped from her agency. It was all to be expected, but it was hard for them to care when relaxing in an infinity pool overlooking a Sicilian beach.
Unfortunately, the return to reality after their trip wasn’t the smoothest. The two who were more used to sneaking off for secret dates in parking lots were now the most talked about couple in the world. Cameras were everywhere looking for the money making shot of Yoongi and Hyeri out holding hands or kissing. The more intimate, the more money it was worth. It caused things to get increasingly stressful for them which led to some sleepless nights and arguments about the tiniest of things out of pure exhaustion. They started to wonder if maybe they had made a mistake. Then one day something beautiful happened on the one year anniversary of their public announcement.
It became clear to fans early on how much the media attention seemed to be overwhelming the two of them. Hyeri walked out of one interview when she was continually asked about her relationship with Yoongi when she had already stated that she wasn’t there to discuss that. In a group interview, Yoongi refused to answer any questions a very assertive interviewer tried throwing his way about his relationship. Every question was shut down by Namjoon who, with the rest of the members, offered to act as Yoongi’s shield against anyone who dared to ask any invading questions. This caused some people to try portraying Yoongi and Hyeri as a “mean” couple. Creating false narratives and making things increasingly difficult for them.
As it neared a year since they announced themselves to the world, fans on both sides banded together to create a display of love and support. Yoongi and Hyeri hadn’t even realized it had been a year already, but as they were on their way home after having a quick dinner, they saw a large billboard with their picture on it. It was the same picture they posted to instagram one year earlier along with a congratulatory message on one year since the public debut of Rainbow Suga. Seeing the billboard made them feel a comforting warmth surround them. As they continued their journey they saw a bus pass by with the same photo and message congratulating Rainbow Suga. By the time they got to the third banner hung at a bus stop, Hyeri could no longer hold it in. She began giggling lightly mentioning how ridiculous “Rainbow Suga” is. Her giggles grew to a full laugh with Yoongi laughing along with her. It was such a silly and embarrassing thing, but at that moment it was hilarious. They saw another banner as they continued their journey and they only laughed harder. Things had been so rough for them that they realized it had been a very long time since they simply sat and laughed together. Thanks to the love of their fans they felt like they had been rejuvenated with a burst of energy.
They communicated more, stayed honest with each other, then recorded what became the idol mic drop song of the century. Produced by Yoongi and written and performed by Rainbow Suga, the song was an anthem criticizing the way idols are treated when they dare to fall in love. It also took shots at the media for being the biggest facilitators of privacy violations, rumors, hatred, harassment, and abuse. The song took off, and the dance challenge choreographed by Hobi, that resulted from it saw many other idols participating as a low key protest demanding their right to be human.
Neither of them expected the song to get the level of attention it did. If they had, they wouldn’t have used Rainbow Suga as their official name. Still, they’re happy with the movement that resulted from the song. Idols were more confident in sharing their relationships if they chose to do so. Others were simply speaking up for themselves more whether against their companies or the public. Apologies for doing harmless human things became a thing of the past. It’s not a complete change, and there are still plenty of rumors and privacy invasions going around, but the change in public opinion is gradually putting pressure on media outlets to be more ethical and respectable towards everyone.
BTS continued to thrive both as a group and individually. They’re all happy that the future that was so dark and uncertain at one point has turned out to be bright in the end. They continue to face their share of troubles, but they promised to remain honest with each other and not to be afraid to ask for help if it’s needed.
On the 3 year anniversary of Yoongi’s sobriety, the 7 of them all went out for dinner to celebrate. They congratulated Yoongi on how far he’s come, and he thanked them for their continued unwavering support. He then asked for their support again as he was preparing to embark on another new, scary, and exciting journey.
Being the first member to get married was quite nerve wracking for Yoongi, but he was excited to jump into this new chapter with the love of his life. He and Hyeri weren’t sure where to start with wedding planning. They unintentionally became the faces of idol rebellion against the unethical with one song and a few spicy interviews, part of them felt their wedding should represent that to some degree.
After being dropped off at home one night after getting tipsy with her Two Piece bandmates, Hyeri ran to Yoongi with what she thought was a great idea. Yoongi laughed it off but the next day they found themselves discussing it more. They thought it was the perfect plan.
It’s rare for any celebrity, especially an idol, to manage to get married or attend another’s wedding without at least one photo being leaked. With that in mind, Hyeri and Yoongi were determined to keep their most intimate ceremony just that, intimate. Their perfect plan, however, resulted in essentially three weddings and a lot of great stories that will be told for many years to come.
The “first” wedding was the perfectly intimate ceremony they had dreamed of. With their closest friends and family and not a phone in sight, Yoongi and Hyeri exchanged vows on a private island near Tahiti. The absolute privacy and media free affair was able to be achieved by Jin’s oldest nephew who, for a small fee of the latest gaming console and an enviable collection of games, anonymously “leaked” a copy of Yoongi and Hyeri’s wedding invitation which was actually a fake. This led to people thinking the wedding would be a month after their “first” wedding, and being held at a park in Daegu. They never confirmed or denied anything, but they purposefully led everyone to think the invitation was legitimate.
After returning home from their real wedding and subsequent 2 week honeymoon in Tahiti, the pair kept their secret until the day of their fake wedding. Many people descended upon Daegu waiting to see the happy couple and all of their famous newsworthy friends. Instead, they were met with a convoy of food trucks looking for exposure and confused locals.
Meanwhile, Yoongi and Hyeri were in Spain where they had an even more private ceremony that simply consisted of the two of them and a photographer. Hyeri found multiple dresses she liked when wedding dress shopping, so this idea stemmed from her looking for a reason to justify getting more than one. They picked their favorite picture, waited until midnight Seoul time, and posted a photo from their Spain shoot with only a rainbow and cat emoji as the caption. The world went wild and the cannibalistic media found themselves on the losing end once again.
The third wedding actually took place a month before their first wedding ceremony. A very private exchange of vows between only the two of them and an officiant held in Venice. While technically the first wedding and mark of the official date of their union, it was the last to be known to the public. Though they had planned to keep that ceremony and date to themselves, Hyeri accidentally mentioned the wrong date as their anniversary during an interview. After lots of questions, theories, and confusion, Rainbow Suga once again found themselves posting another wedding photo with a confirmation of the date of their true anniversary. They instantly became legends for the way they managed to dodge the media twice in what fans began calling an “All Kill”.
Hyeri found herself at the top of the acting world after her drama. She won many awards for it and became one of the most sought after actresses of the time. She was going nonstop and hadn’t realized how much she had been overworking herself until Yoongi used wedding planning as an excuse to encourage her to not take anymore big projects for a while. She spent about two weeks doing more sleeping than wedding planning. When she regained her energy she felt much more refreshed and energized which was perfect since she was planning three weddings at once.
The honeymoon phase has passed and Yoongi and Hyeri are now living a relatively private life just the way they like it. No scandals, rumors, hate campaigns, or lies being thrown around about either of them. They may not have completely ended the culture of the toxic and invasive media, but they certainly made people think twice before publishing anything about the two of them.
However, one thing they haven’t been able to avoid is questions about their future plans. Plans to have a baby. From family members, to journalists, to commenters every time one of them goes live. Everyone wants to know when Rainbow Suga will embark on the journey of parenthood. Of course it had been discussed between the two of them but they both remained uncertain. After a pregnancy scare and two weeks of anxiety, they realized perhaps they don’t want children after all. Perhaps things are fine just the way they are and they’re happy with that.
Yoongi can’t help but wonder though, if he’s the first member of BTS to get married, who would be the first to become a father?
A/N: I can’t believe we’ve finally reached the end! Thank you all so so so so so so much for reading and supporting this story!! As always, take care of yourselves and thank you thank you thank you again! 💜
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 40: One More Thing
Once the guys land in London they hit the ground running with the same momentum they ended the first leg of their tour on. Yoongi didn’t get the time he wanted with Hyeri nor did he get the send off he was expecting, but he’s so busy he hardly has time to think of it. Plus he already spent the entire flight nursing his disappointment and trying to find another way to reveal his specially planned trip to Hyeri.
He came to the conclusion that he would reveal it on their anniversary. In just four days Yoongi and Hyeri would be celebrating their 4th anniversary. With the amount of time they’ve spent apart, and the time they spent hardly on speaking terms with each other, it barely feels like 4 years had passed. They managed to find a small pocket of time to video chat so they could at least tell each other happy anniversary. It’s not the grand reveal he was hoping to give her, but it’s better than nothing.
In their last evening in London Yoongi calls Hyeri excited to see her face appear on his phone screen. Hyeri quickly answers with the same amount of excitement that turns to a big endearing smile once she sees his face.
“Happy anniversary!” She shouts.
“Happy anniversary, babe,” he says mirroring her smile. “I wish we could celebrate together, but I guess it will just have to wait until I get back.”
“Of course!” She says with somehow even more excitement. “And we can celebrate my first hopefully successful fan meet!”
“Yeah? You have a date set now?” He asks feeling proud.
“Yeah! They’re going to announce it soon, but it’s going to be on the same day you guys get back.” Her face glows under the morning sunlight shining through the window. “I know it’s not ideal because I really want to see you when you get home, but if things go as planned I’ll be home only like 2 hours or so after you get back so it’s not so bad.”
“Wow…” Yoongi says trying to hide his slight disappointment. He quickly musters up some enthusiasm while trying to think of how this is going to work with his surprise trip requiring Hyeri to already be at the airport when he and the guys land. “That’s great, babe!”
“I know! I’m so excited! Then after that I’m all yours,” she smiles.
“Yeah, I can’t wait,” he says deciding not to reveal his plan. He’ll need to make some adjustments before telling her about it now.
Instead he made no mention of it and didn’t hint to it in any way. As soon as their call ended Yoongi began looking into altering their plans. The biggest obstacle being him trying to do all of this while keeping up with their busy Europe schedule. Whenever he has a moment and his hands are free he’s trying to figure out how to adjust things as best he can.
Hyeri is so swept up in the continuing popularity of her show that she hardly has time to question Yoongi about the three new swimsuits and lavish new luggage set from Paris that had been delivered to her. She’s been doing shows and interviews left and right, some alone and others with her costars. She and Yoongi are hardly able to talk to one another, but she sees it as an advantage because not only does her busy schedule keep her from being stuck at home missing Yoongi, it also makes time feel like it’s flying.
For Yoongi, time is also flying but he’s not as enthused about it. He can’t seem to talk to Hyeri long enough to tell her about the trip and even worse is he still isn’t sure how to adjust the date of their departure since she has her fan meet. He’s been trying his best but only relying on their shared calendar, he really isn’t sure when would be a good time for them to leave. He’s nervous, for some reason more about this than when he gets on stage. Except their final night.
Their final show in Tokyo. The end of the world tour and, to Yoongi especially, the final night of proving to everyone, including himself, that he can do this. He can stay sober, faithful, and responsible. He’s not anxious about fucking it all up on the final night, he’s anxious about the feeling of succeeding. A nervousness stemming from the unfamiliarity of personal triumph. It’s certainly not his first, but having hit rock bottom, it feels like the first. It’s new. It’s scary. It’s great. It’s paralyzing. It’s freeing. It’s an oxymoronic ball of feelings that come barreling out at the end of the show. He isn’t sure how he held it together on stage, but the second he made it backstage after their encore the flood gates opened. None of the guys questioned it. They all knew why he was crying, and when they were all away from cameras they cried with him. This tour ended in a triumph that so many people will never even realize.
Hyeri is also proud of Yoongi. She couldn’t catch the full livestream of their final show, but she was able to catch the first few songs. As she always does, she sends him a sweet text for him to see after the show when he checks his phone. She still hates that she won’t be home when he gets back the next day, but it only adds to her excitement when she thinks of her first fan meet followed by going home to Yoongi who she’s missed so much. If all goes smoothly she anticipates the day to be amazing.
The response to the announcement of her first fan meet was met with a much larger level of interest than anyone ever imagined. So much larger that they had to implement a lottery system for ticketing. They thought a fan meet of 100 people was reasonable, but they realized they had underestimated Hyeri’s suddenly increased fan base. They opted to do a lottery system and realized they made the right choice when nearly 2,000 people applied.
The lucky 100 have been chosen and wait anxiously to enter the theater where Hyeri’s fan meet will take place. The no phones policy made the event feel even more exclusive which created more and more buzz. That buzz Hyeri feels in her chest as she’s backstage getting ready. She received a message from Yoongi before the guys boarded their flight and then she’s been an anxious mess to this point. She’s never addressed her fans face to face like this by herself. She has a whole show planned with some games and performances of some of her songs that she hasn’t performed in years. There’s a lot for her to be nervous about.
The flight from Tokyo to Seoul isn’t a long one so it almost feels like they’re landing just as soon as they took off. It feels good for them all to be home. Typically they’re exhausted at the end of a tour, but this time mentally they feel relieved. It’s the best feeling coming off of what the rest of the guys thought could possibly be their last tour together, but Yoongi kept his promise and the future is looking amazing to them all.
On the way home Yoongi hears a DJ on the radio talking about Hyeri’s Over the Rainbow fan meet and how some attendees were lined up since early that morning to guarantee first pick at the limited merch being sold there. Yoongi can’t help but flash his gummy smile until his cheeks hurt. He’s proud of himself, but he’s incredibly proud of Hyeri. She’s pushed through a lot of shit to get to where she is and he knows he caused a lot of it. Yet here she is achieving her dreams.
Hyeri has never felt as accomplished as she does right now as she faces 100 of her enthusiastic fans. It wasn’t long into the show before she finally shook her nerves and started feeling more comfortable as she interacted with the crowd. Everyone in attendance received a small gift bag consisting of two exclusive photocards, a rainbow pin, and a bag of skittles that was later used for a game that was essentially a drinking game but with candy.
She hates the feeling when she realizes the show is nearly over. She just has her final speech followed by one more song that she always dedicates to her fans. A song that’s usually done with a full band, but she prepared a softer piano version to perform since she felt it fit the more intimate setting better.
“Wow,” she begins her final address a bit speechless. “I feel so grateful for this time I got to spend with you all! I love you guys so much. Thank you for being here and for staying by my side, whether you were a Onesie from my Two Piece days, or you just got here today, I’m so happy to have you walk this path with me.”
The crowd applauds and cheers their love back at Hyeri. Then a chant of “Rainbow! Rainbow!” began. The small crowd felt like the roar of 1000 to her and she couldn’t help but smile her biggest smile while holding back tears. She tries to continue speaking but the crowd doesn’t let up. They seem to only be getting louder and more animated. She’s near tears when she suddenly feels a presence behind her. She feels her heart skip a beat as she quickly turns around only for her heart to feel like it’s stopped completely.
“Wha?!” She gasps clutching her chest and nearly dropping her microphone. She meets eyes with Yoongi standing 5 feet away holding a bouquet of assorted rainbow colored flowers. “What are you…?”
“Congratulations,” Yoongi says into a microphone that he seemingly pulled from thin air. “On your first fan meet.” He hands her the bouquet as she stands there almost completely paralyzed from the shock of seeing him. Right now. On stage. In front of 100 fans and her behind the scenes content cameras.
“T-thank you,” she stutters with a smile, though she isn’t sure what’s happening right now. The crowd behind her seems to be wondering the same, but they’re excited for whatever it is that has Yoongi unexpectedly appearing before them.
“As a gift,” Yoongi continues into the microphone. “I would like to invite you on a very relaxing 2 week trip to Italy with me.”
The crowd cheers and encourages Hyeri to accept the offer. None of them have any idea what’s really going on, but the ones who are also Army are having the best day of their lives. Hyeri is still frozen in place unsure what to say.
Yoongi lowers the mic wishing she would say something soon before the rest of the blood drains from his body. He knew this was a very bold and risky move that could possibly end in a painful public rejection, but he couldn’t help himself. He tried so hard to think of ways to present this trip to her and somehow this was the idea he went with.
While struggling to adjust their travel plans he decided he would leave things as he originally had them with the exception of the flight time. With a few phone calls and prayers to whatever deity would listen, he changed their flight to later that night, asked her manager to keep her schedule clear the next two weeks, and requested permission to crash her fan meet to surprise her.
When he returned home he immediately began packing both his and her things for the trip. He only needed to swap some of his clothing from the tour and he was set, so he spent most of the time gathering Hyeri’s things. They may not have traveled together before in the 4 years they’ve been together, but he knows her well enough to know the things she likes to have with her when traveling. He packed up her luggage set he bought for her, washed up, picked up the flowers he ordered ahead of time, and headed straight for the theater.
Yoongi arrived just in time to catch the end of her song before she began her final speech. Her manager already let the crew know Yoongi would be arriving and they already had a microphone ready for him. He stood backstage waiting for the perfect opportunity to step out. He nearly missed the chance because he was so enamored by her and the amount of love the fans were showing her. He knew once he stepped out the attention would likely go to him so he wanted her to soak in the pure love for her as long as possible. She deserves every bit of it.
The second he stepped on stage the crowd roared louder and his heart immediately began beating out of his chest. He suddenly felt that maybe this was a mistake. He knows Hyeri wanted to go public in her own way and surprising her like this could easily backfire, but he’s already on stage now. When she turns around and meets his eyes he nearly melts. He’s anxious, infatuated, and terrified all at once.
Hyeri doesn’t want to take too long to answer Yoongi, but she needs a second to think. It’s all so sudden and a bit terrifying. She did say she wanted to wait until after her show premiered, and with the last episode having already aired, now would be the time. But right now? At her fan meet. In front of 100 of her fans. Is this the way it should be done? Yoongi is looking at her with an anxious smile and for some reason it breaks her heart a little. She’s never seen him so scared. So she smiles back at him. The biggest smile she can give him, pressing her eyes into crescents the way that always makes him swoon. In that moment she thought yeah, she’s ready to finally let go.
“Min Yoongi,” she says into the microphone. “I would love to go to Italy with you.” She takes a step closer to him and his anxious smile turn into a very happy gummy smile. “I would go anywhere in this world with you.”
In the boldest move she’s ever done, Hyeri reaches up to caress Yoongi’s cheek, then leans in and gives him a soft lingering kiss. The crowd erupts and Yoongi is sure his heart has exploded. Suddenly the crowd can’t be seen or heard, only the two of them exist in this moment and it feels amazing to them both. They kiss once more before Hyeri realizes she still has one more song to sing. She shyly steps back still smiling from cheek to cheek. Yoongi takes the flowers from her and gives her a nod to close out the show. He steps back to let her have the stage to herself again and watches on from cloud 9.
“Well,” Hyeri says to the wildly electric crowd. “I guess now is time for the final song.”
She takes a deep breath to calm the trembling in her voice from all of this excitement when everyone in the crowd begins raising rainbow colored banners that say “Thank you for being the Rainbow after the storm.”
“Wow,” she says seeing the banners and finger hearts throughout the crowd. She’s nearly brought to tears by the love. Something about them raising these banners right after she just kissed Yoongi in front of everyone makes her feel like maybe she was afraid for nothing. What she thought was the best day ever has truly turned out to be the best day ever. “I think I may need help with this last song,” she giggles feeling overcome with emotion. “I love you all so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you! You all have made this first fan meet the best and I can’t wait until we do this again!”
Yoongi smiles on as he watches her from backstage. Her final song begins and he gets lost in her voice as she begins singing through all of the emotions she has swirling throughout her body. It’s been such a long, tumultuous, emotional journey and finally for the first time in what feels like an eternity, Hyeri feels like things are finally perfect. With her career and her relationship. If Yoongi were to get down on one knee right now she would marry him immediately.
“I love you!” Hyeri shouts at the end of her song before retreating backstage right into Yoongi’s arms. “And I love you,” she says giving him a kiss. “I love you so much.”
“I love you more,” he smiles. “Now let’s go, we have a flight to catch.”
“What? Now?”
“Yes now,” he smiles. “Don’t worry, I got everything packed for you already.”
“Really? When? How?” She asks knowing she shouldn’t be surprised by his ability to make things happen with little time.
“I’ll tell you all about it in Sicily.”Yoongi takes her hand and walks her out to his car that’s already loaded with their luggage. He opens the passenger door for her, then runs around and excitedly hops into the drivers seat. “We have one quick stop to make first.”
“Where?” She’s already overwhelmed with joy just seeing him, she isn’t sure how much more he could possibly give her. He starts the car then looks over at her with a big smile.
“You don’t want to fly on an empty stomach, do you?”
Yoongi pulls out of the lot and begins driving to a location Hyeri isn’t sure of at first, but as the ride goes on things start to look familiar to her. He pulls into a lot they’ve seen plenty of times before. A familiar face approaches the car carrying a large white bag. He rolls the window down and greets the elderly lady with a smile.
“You’re the best,” Yoongi says taking the bag from her through the window.
“Enjoy!” The lady says waving to Yoongi and Hyeri as they pull off to their next stop.
“Where are we going now?” Hyeri asks salivating at the smell of what she can only guess is at the very least a steamed bun.
“Ok, so maybe technically it’s two stops,” Yoongi shrugs. “You’ll see.”
As he says that they pull up to the parking garage at the Hybe building. Then it finally clicks in Hyeri’s mind. Many of their early dates consisted of them enjoying a cheat meal of street food in either of their cars at the top level of the parking garage. It was rare for anyone to be parked that high up, so the two of them would eat their assortment of ramen, steamed buns, dumplings, tteokbokki, and sometimes hotteok and talk until they were done eating and had to return to their respective schedules. There was a single spot they would park in because they both agreed it gave them the best view of the stars at night. It became habit to park there even if it were day time, that was their spot. It’s been quite a while since they’ve been there.
“I got you your favorite,” Yoongi says parking the car and reaching over into the bag of food he put in the backseat. “One red bean steamed bun, two veggie dumplings, and a side of ramen.”
“Yoongi,” she says taking the food from him. “Babe…”
“I’m sorry,” he says not letting her finish. “I know you said you wanted to do this your own way, but-“
“It was perfect,” she interrupts.
“What?” He raises his brows in surprise.
“This, everything, is perfect. You made this perfect day even more perfect,” she giggles. “I love you so much.”
“I was afraid you’d be mad,” he says still a little skeptical.
“I told you I would do it when the show aired. You kept your promise, so I’m keeping mine.”
“You’re really ok with me crashing your fan meet?”
Before she can answer, her phone chimes from a text. She tries to ignore it but it chimes again, then again. Then Yoongi’s phone chimes. They both look at their phones to see messages flooding in from people learning the news of their relationship. Most notably their managers who had no idea they were planning this and wish they had given a heads up so they could have had a statement already prepared. Hyeri’s manager is more upset that Yoongi never mentioned he would be doing any of this when he asked for permission to go on stage. The two of them scroll through showing each other the messages they received.
“I think they want us to put out an official statement,” Hyeri laughs.
“How do you want to do it?” Yoongi smirks.
“Let’s be really cheesy,” she giggles childishly.
“Cheesy?” He raises a brow.
“Yeah, fuck it!” She laughs. “Let’s make our statement cheesy then we won’t respond to anyone until we’re back from Italy.”
“I love where your head is,” he laughs in agreement.
After a little discussion they snap a quick photo of themselves holding their hands together to form a heart and post it to instagram with their simple cheesy statement.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 39: Superstar
The day finally comes for Hyeri’s drama to premiere. The show will air each of its 8 episodes weekly on tv and some streaming platforms. It begins with a red carpet premiere that she finds herself unusually anxious about. Simply knowing that Yoongi would be watching was always enough for her to feel confident and at ease for these types of things, but tonight that’s not the case. The guys are in Seattle and right now Yoongi is deep asleep after another high energy concert as it’s the middle of the night still. It just so happens to be within that small pocket of time where it’s too late for him to stay awake but too early for him to wake up on his own.
Hyeri encouraged him to rest instead of trying to stay up to watch her. They’re flying to Vegas in the morning and their schedule there is much busier than the other cities, especially since they’re also going to be recording and shooting a music video for a song they’re featured on with another band. All of this plus the pressure of the show having to be extra perfect since it’s also being streamed was more than enough to get Hyeri to convince him to rest instead of staying up to watch her red carpet arrival. He was reluctant but did as told as he knew he would at least be able to watch the videos of the premiere online later when they’re on their flight.
Although she encouraged him to rest instead, she kind of wishes she didn’t. She went through a lot and in turn put in a lot to this drama. If this tour is Yoongi’s comeback comeback then so is this drama for her. After everything that happened between her and JJS, her and Yoongi, and her and the fickle public, she treated this role like a rebranding. She just wishes she had the comfort of knowing Yoongi was watching, but she soldiers on anyway.
Yoongi wakes up the next morning and immediately checks online for any and every video of the premiere. He doesn’t have much time before they head to the airport so he tries to watch as much as he can before texting Hyeri to tell her how proud he is and then heading out the door with his luggage.
It’s not a long flight to Las Vegas, so Yoongi watches the first episode of Hyeri’s drama while on the plane. He may be very biased, but he truly feels she is doing an amazing job playing her role. It also helps that he finds himself genuinely interested in the storyline so far. The entire flight is a breeze because he can’t stop smiling about Hyeri and how proud he is.
As soon as they arrive they’re immediately sucked into a busy whirlwind of never ending engagements that leads to their two nights of concerts with the last being streamed for the world to see. It’s almost dizzying, but the benefit for Yoongi is that it helps him stay out of his head. It helps him ignore that voice in the back of his mind that’s been getting louder and louder the closer they get to LA.
Hyeri is excited about the guys being in Vegas. Mostly because she’ll finally get to watch the show in 4K and not rely on the quality of some concert goer’s data plan. They haven’t been able to talk much, but she’ll just be happy to see him. He knows she’ll be watching and that has him even more excited.
Both Vegas shows go amazingly, and with the surprise appearance of Snoop Dogg on the second night, the entire world has been buzzing. Hyeri and Yoongi video chat after the second show once he returns to his hotel room where she spends the first 15 minutes gushing about how much she enjoyed the show. They have 3 more cities, 4 more shows, and two weeks left in the US leg of their tour. What was once a source of great anxiety that had Yoongi close to hooking himself up to a coffee IV, is now just another great tour around the world spending time with some of the people he loves the most. When talking to Hyeri throughout the tour he’s become more and more comfortable and she’s noticed. Her noticing means that while they’re video chatting, she can tell he’s suddenly shifted back to his more anxious and reserved self.
“What’s wrong?” She asks while lounging out on their patio.
“Nothing,” he lies.
“Yoongi.” She stares into the camera giving him a chance to change his response.
“I don’t know. I feel nervous for some reason,” he admits. “Something about being back in….” He trails off and Hyeri doesn’t need him to say more.
“I understand,” she says softly. “But you don’t have to worry now.”
“They’re adding extra security for LA.” He hangs his head ashamed as if the two additional security guards hired for their final stops through California is all his fault.
“Your safety is important. All of you guys’ safety is. The staff too,” she justifies.
“We didn’t need them for any of the other stops.”
“Would you feel better if they didn’t have the added security?”
Yoongi pauses. Rolls his eyes. Then sighs.
“It’s not the security?” She suggests.
“No it’s not.” He admits. “I was at my worst when we last played there. So much happened, so much…pain.”
“Are you afraid it will happen again when you get there?”
“No.” His response is the most confident thing he’s said so far. “I’ve come too far to mess it all up now. It’s just I feel like I’m having to relive those memories as we get closer and I get more stressed. Just being here has been hard enough.”
“In Vegas?” She asks curiously. “What happened in Vegas?” She immediately realizes what she just asked and regrets it. “I mean, you don’t have to say if you don’t want to. Just…the same thing didn’t happen there this time, right?”
“Right,” he nods. Everything in Vegas has gone smoothly. A far difference from a drunken blowjob behind a restaurant. He takes a deep breath finding some relief in just talking about it finally. “I hate who I was back then so it’s hard sometimes. I’m just really glad I have you, Hyeri. You have no idea how much comfort you give me. I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks.”
Though only brief and packed with shoots and other appointments, the guys will be home for a couple of weeks after Cali, then they’ll be back in the sky heading for a few stops across Europe and Asia. Both Yoongi and Hyeri are looking forward to simply having the chance of seeing each other once or twice during that time. It’s not ideal, but it’s better than nothing. On top of that, he’s hoping to reveal his not-exactly-a-surprise surprise trip to her during that time. He found the perfect place in Sicily with private beach access, a pool, hot tub, and sauna where they can take refuge for two weeks after the tour is over. He’s spent a lot of time and money during his travels on hotel and in-flight WiFi to make her dream a reality.
When the guys arrive in LA, Yoongi can feel the anxiety swelling within him. While Hyeri has been a major part in keeping him from getting lost in his anxieties, he still wasn’t prepared for the amount of PTSD symptoms that would slap him in the face. The buildings start to look familiar. The street names trigger flashbacks and the hotel they are staying in is the exact same one as before.
Suddenly, after he’d been struggling to remember anything that had happened that night, he can remember nearly every detail. Every fuzzy, unfaithful, drunken, high, angry detail of their time in LA where he was drugged, violated, and robbed before finding out Hyeri was in the hospital. Of all the times they’ve been to LA and the many great memories there, the memories of the worst time of his life are the most prevalent and he hates it. Especially because he knows he’s the one that put himself in such dangerous positions over and over again.
The only saving grace to the torturous reminders everywhere he turns is that their schedule is pretty busy in LA as it was in Vegas. Being occupied helps until he’s in the car looking out the window and something he sees becomes a trigger. Then he’s forced to deal with the feelings that come up when that sharpness shoots through his chest.
Knowing he’s anxious about being back in LA, Hyeri tries to send him words of support and encouragement whenever she can. She assures him that he’s doing great and she’s always rooting for him. After everything that’s happened, Yoongi still can’t figure out what he’s done to deserve someone like Hyeri. She’s amazing to him.
Not just to him, but the public also thinks Hyeri is amazing. With the three episodes of her show that are out now, everyone has been raving about her performance. She’s been trending everywhere and people are already asking for another season. For the first time in what seems like a long time, she can look through the trending tags without fearing she’ll be embroiled in another rumor, or hate train based on a rumor. She’s even comfortable looking into why Yoongi is trending without worrying someone else has a sex story about him. It’s all just concert footage and memes. Hyeri hasn’t been this happy in a long time.
To add to this refreshing happiness, Hyeri finds herself getting more calls from her manager with requests to appear on talk shows, variety shows, and radio shows. Opportunities like these are ones she’s only dreamt of, now they’re becoming a reality. While Yoongi is getting more confident in LA, Hyeri is getting more fans and exposure. By the time Yoongi calls her the night before their flight, she’s already added three new appointments to her schedule, leaving her with less time to see Yoongi for the short time he’ll be home.
It’s unfortunate, but they still find an afternoon where they’ll both be able to spend more than a few minutes with each other. It’s the day before the guys fly off to Europe, and since there’s such little time, Yoongi planned to cook lunch and simply have one of their many at home dates. Hyeri doesn’t know he plans to reveal their two week trip during their time together. He wants to make sure she knows with enough time to clear her schedule for two weeks. The two weeks starting as soon as he returns from the last leg of their tour. He doesn’t want to waste any time, so he’s ready and willing to hop on another flight right after he lands.
Hyeri had been waiting for Yoongi to reveal his trip plans. She knows he brought it up and she figured there was a chance that he was actually serious about it. With every package he sent her from each city, she was hoping one would finally reveal his not-so-secret secret, but nothing. With the unexpected response to her drama she’s forgotten all about the trip now as she’s been thrust into the busy schedule of the rising star.
By the time the guys board their flight to leave LA, another episode of Hyeri’s drama airs giving Yoongi something to do for at least 3 hours of his flight. As soon as they take off he’s putting his headphones on and excited to see how the love of his life will wow him on screen this time. He already knows she’s an incredible actress, but somehow she always seems to outdo herself. He giggles at how perfect she plays her quirky yet emotional character. At one point Jungkook snaps a photo of Yoongi smiling goofily at his tablet without him even noticing.
When they finally land all Yoongi can think about is getting home and seeing Hyeri. Unfortunately for him, she’s at an interview when he comes barreling through the door of their home looking to hug her tight. Though a bit disappointed, he can’t help but smile, because after catching up on the episodes during his flight, he knows she deserves all of this increased attention. For once it’s for good and not something scandalous or controversial.
Hyeri doesn’t have a lot of time after her interview before she has to go shoot a commercial, but she knows Yoongi is home and as soon as she could she rushed home to see him. She’ll only have about half a minute to spare before she has to leave again, but she’ll take it over nothing.
“Yoongiiiii!!” Hyeri shouts bolting through the door. “I don’t have a lot of time, Yoongiiiii!!!!”
Yoongi quickly steps out of the kitchen where he was standing in the fridge debating on what snack he wanted. Hyeri runs to him and leaps into his arms hitting him with a rapid fire of kisses.
“I missed you so much my manager is waiting in the car I love you I don’t have much time I missed you so much!!” She rapidly spits out without taking a breath.
“I missed you too,” he laughs squeezing her tight. He gives her a big long kiss and it’s like the world around him faded away.
“I wish I had more time, but I gotta go,” she says giving him another kiss.
“It’s ok, don’t be late.”
“Will you stay up?” She asks flashing her puppy eyes at him.
“Of course, love. I’ll be right here waiting.”
“I love you,” she smiles with one more kiss.
“I love you too.”
Just as fast as she came running inside she was running right back out. Yoongi can only smile with pride knowing that not only is she accomplishing her dreams that she’s told him about many times, but he also got through the US without screwing everything up. Not a single drop of alcohol outside of the surprise champagne in Chicago. He hardly even looked in the direction of anyone who wasn’t one of the members or staff. No temptation was strong enough to make him break his promise, and that pride high kept him awake until Hyeri returned home at 3am. Just 3 hours before he’s off to a shoot of his own.
The days go on with a continued pattern of near misses and half sleep talking when one finally gets home while the other is already in bed. The only thing keeping them going is the fact that they’ll have that one moment together to have lunch before he leaves again.
The day comes and both Yoongi and Hyeri are excited. They both have morning appointments but will meet back home for lunch before going their separate ways again. They left home at the same time but Yoongi returned first. When he felt Hyeri would be finished with what she’s doing, he starts to prep the meal he has planned. Due to limited time, he keeps the menu simple with cold noodles and pork. He’s dancing around the kitchen waiting for Hyeri to come through the door, but instead he gets a call from her.
“Hey!” He answers excitedly. “Where are you?”
“I’m in the car,” Hyeri replies.
“Oh ok,” he says not letting her finish. “Are you almost home?”
“Well…not exactly.” She doesn’t sound upset, but she’s still speaking softly. “Something just came up and I really didn’t want to miss lunch with you since we’ve hardly seen each other, but I couldn’t really say no. I’m sorry, love. I promise I’ll make it up to you.”
“What?” He asks no longer filled with the pep he had a moment ago. “What came up?”
“There’s some people in town wanting to discuss a fan meeting.”
“Fan meeting?”
“Yes!!” She shouts finally showing her true excitement. “My first solo fan meet! I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t say no to this and I didn’t really have time to talk to you about it first because they wanted an answer now while the production people are in town.”
“Oh,” he says softly. He’s certainly not happy about their lunch being canceled, but he’s more happy for her than anything. “It’s ok, you don’t have to be sorry. A fan meet is great, you definitely can’t miss this meeting.”
“I’ll make it up to you,” she says still feeling bad knowing he’s likely already done making the meal she won’t be there for.
“It’s ok,” he chuckles with reassurance. “I’ll still see you in the morning right?”
“Of course.”
It’s certainly a bummer for Yoongi to have lunch alone when he was looking forward to spending time with Hyeri. Instead he makes himself a plate then sets the remainder aside for Hyeri to have later. Since he can’t have lunch with her he decides to catch up on the latest episode of her drama that premiered the previous day.
Just as he was with the other episodes, he finds himself fully entranced in the story, but mostly Hyeri. She gets better each episode that he forgets that he’s watching her on a show and it’s not real life. He’s rooting for her character to finally be noticed by the lead male and he feels happiness and anticipation when it seems they’re close.
The build up is well done and he smiles watching Hyeri’s character receive the love she had been giving out so far in the show. Then his smile begins to hurt for some reason. Hyeri’s character is in a hotel with her love interest. Yoongi’s smile hasn’t faded but his chest is tightening. Hyeri is kissing her costar. It’s nothing new, this isn’t her first role where she had to kiss on screen. Her costar pulls her shirt off revealing her hot pink bra and suddenly his smile isn’t smiling so much.
He knew it would happen, they’ve already had an argument about her sex scene. This isn’t a surprise to him. However it is a surprise to him how much she seems to be enjoying herself. She’s moving the way she moves with him, but those aren’t his hands running down her entire body. Those aren’t his lips on her neck and that’s not his lap that she’s straddled over. Her moans are very enticing until the camera cuts back to the person on the receiving end that’s not him. That scene felt like it went on for hours and when it was over Yoongi wasn’t sure if he even cared to watch the rest of the show.
Hyeri knew the previous day’s episode would include the sex scene she shot while upset with Yoongi. She knew when she shot the scene that he would be upset. At that time she wanted him to be. She thought that he wouldn’t get a chance to see the episode until his flight to London the next day, but she wasn’t expecting this sudden meeting to give him enough free time to watch before he leaves.
Yoongi was live texting his reaction to the show. He went silent once the sex scene happened because he didn’t know what to say. She’s a great actress, but too great. When Hyeri left her meeting that just cemented a deal for her to have her very first fan meet, she saw Yoongi’s messages and knew he was probably in his feelings. She sent him a message saying that she’s happy to have his support and that she loves him very much. He responds with a simple “I love you too” and she knows he’s deep in his feelings. She can only laugh.
Yoongi is up extra early the next morning to get ready to his flight to London. Hyeri got home very late after he had already fallen asleep so she made sure to set an alarm to wake when he does. When she meets him in the bathroom while he’s getting ready she simply wraps her arms around his torso from behind.
“I wish we had more time,” she sighs. “But what’s one more month, right?”
“Mhmm,” Yoongi grumbles while staring at himself in the mirror.
“What’s wrong?” She asks.
“Nothing,” he grumbles again.
“You stopped texting in the middle of the episode, did you finish it?” She knows what she’s doing. She thinks it’s funny, especially when she looks in the mirror to see the jealous pout he’s trying to hide.
“Yes,” he mumbles through his teeth.
“What did you think?”
“Do you really want to know?” He asks noticing her smile through the mirror. “Or are you just trying to get a rise out of me before I go?”
“Of course not,” she says smirking.
He removes her arms from around him and turns to face her. She simply looks back at him still smiling. He hates how easily he breaks down for her. Not that he was incredibly upset about the scene, but he still felt a little uneasy seeing her like that on screen for the first time. Hearing her like that on screen.
“What were you thinking of when you shot the episode?” He asks boldly and almost regrettably.
“Oh come on,” she laughs. “You know you don’t want to know.”
“I don’t?”
“You have to go soon,” she giggles.
“Yeah,” he playfully rolls his eyes then smiles. “You’re lucky I do.”
“I’m sorry I missed lunch yesterday. I was looking forward to it, but it was hard for me to say no.”
“I told you it’s ok. This is a big thing for you, I wouldn’t want you to miss out on having your first fan meet because you wanted to sit at home with me for an hour,” he jokes. He thinks a moment wishing she did so he could at least tell her about the trip he put together. He decides he may as well tell her now, especially since he booked the trip to start right after they return from their last tour stop. Just as he’s about to open his mouth, Hyeri gets a call and runs to pick up her phone. He continues getting ready, having little time to spare, while waiting for her to finish her call.
Yoongi isn’t sure who’s calling Hyeri at this early hour, but with her new wave of popularity he’s sure it’s something important. So important that by the time he’s done getting ready and has his luggage in tow, she’s still on the phone. He tries to wait for her, shooting her the most pitiful kitten eyes as he slowly inches towards the door. He doesn’t want to leave like this, he wants to tell her about their trip, and kiss her goodbye before his manager has to come up and drag him to the car.
The best Hyeri is able to do is ask the caller to hold for a moment. She mutes the phone, then quickly jumps up to give Yoongi a kiss.
“I’m sorry, babe,” she says pointing to her phone. “I’ll tell you about it later. I love you.”
“I love you too,” he says with a half smile. He gives her another kiss and she returns to her call. It’s not the send off he was hoping for, but he has no choice but to leave so he can make it to the airport on time.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
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Ch. 38: Drip
The tour has been going great so far. The two shows in New York were full of energy which set off a great start to the US leg of the tour. Before they knew it they had already played 5 shows in 4 cities across the eastern part of the country. That also means Hyeri has also received 4 packages of gifts and treats so far and she can’t wait for the next one.
The guy’s next stop is Chicago. Another sold out show and a few events and gatherings are on their schedule for their time here. They gave themselves an extra day of freedom in the city for a bit of rest and recovery as this is the midpoint of their US travels.
Yoongi is excited. He never stopped being excited since day 1. He and Hyeri have spoken everyday as much as possible. Hyeri’s drama will be premiering the following week so she’s been on the promo circuit, but she answers every one of Yoongi’s messages as soon as she can get to it.
The day before their show in Chicago, the guys are at a reception held at a gallery for an exhibit that was inspired by them and their music. They meet the artist and everyone with the gallery who is responsible for making this happen. There’s a brief ceremony where the artist, curators, and gallery owner and executives will say a few words and officially open the exhibit for its 3 month tenure at that location. At the same time, the grand opening is being live streamed across all of the gallery’s social media accounts. It feels intimate, but there are a lot of eyes watching.
The guys feel honored and sit in the front row of seats before a small podium on a low stage with smiles across their 7 faces. Everyone who speaks at the podium gives them high praise for all they’ve done musically and otherwise. At the end, everyone who spoke returns to the stage for a toast. The guys are invited to join them in front of the small crowd of people and cameras as the men of honor.
The guys weren’t expecting to be called up to the stage, but they go along in stride, albeit a little nervous. Yoongi smiles along standing right in the middle between Hobi and Taehyung. Out of the corner of his eye he notices one of their managers quickly step away as if something urgent came up. He continues smiling not wanting to look as if something were wrong. For all he knows it could be nothing.
For now, nothing will have to wait because Yoongi finds himself suddenly being handed a glass of champagne. A toast isn’t complete without a drink. A drink only the 7 of them and management knows could be a problem. Unfortunately the problem wasn’t noticed until too late. The manager Yoongi saw leave has returned with a look of defeat in his eyes. The manager mouths a silent apology from across the room letting Yoongi know his urgent retreat was to try and save Yoongi from the surprise beverage, but unfortunately he was too late.
The spontaneous toast leaves Yoongi standing paralyzed as more praises are piled on to the group. The longer they draw this out the harder it is for him to maintain his fake smile and keep his hands from shaking.
It’s just a small glass of champagne. It’s practically water.
Taehyung and Hobi notice Yoongi’s struggle and are unsure themselves of what to do. This is live and even the slightest change in facial expressions could send the rumor mill spiraling out of control. The other guys haven’t quite turned to notice Yoongi’s struggle, though they’re aware that this champagne no doubt has him in a dilemma.
There could be millions of people watching right now.
This tour has been perfect so far. All rumors of Yoongi being on drugs or an alcoholic are a thing of the past. Any mention of Chelsea or any other person he encountered during that last tour has practically disappeared. It’s been great. He can’t do anything that could possibly bring that wave of torment back. Not now. Not in front of millions.
The quicker you do it the quicker it will be over with.
“…we’re honored to have you join us today. Cheers!”
“Cheers!”
Everyone raises their glasses and without another thought Yoongi quickly puts his to his mouth and takes a drink. In that brief moment he felt as if he had no control of himself. He felt like a spectator of his life and couldn’t do anything about it. Yet the moment the sparkly beverage hit the back of his throat his consciousness was sucked back into his body and he quickly pulled the glass from his lips. The sound of applause gradually breaks through his momentary deafness and he remembers where he is. Through a mix of muscle memory and stress induced autopilot he instinctively follows Namjoon’s lead. Namjoon is clapping so Yoongi claps. Namjoon is smiling so Yoongi smiles. Namjoon bows and walks off to the side where managers are waiting, Yoongi follows on his heels. Namjoon finishes his glass of champagne, and Yoongi nearly tosses his to their manager as if it were a scalding hot ball of metal.
“Hyung,” Jimin says trying to get Yoongi to slow down.
“Car,” Yoongi mumbles heading towards the exit.
Jimin quickly follows him giving the rest of the guys a nod to ask they give the two of them a moment. Jimin can hardly keep up with Yoongi, and a couple of managers and security are hardly able to keep up with both of them. Yoongi throws the door of the SUV open and crawls to the back with Jimin closing the door behind them and sitting next to him.
“Hyung,” Jimin says again.
“I didn’t know what to do,” Yoongi says with his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have-“ he sucks in a sharp breath. “I messed up.”
“It’s ok,” Jimin assures wrapping his arm around Yoongi’s shoulders. “You didn’t mess up, you did the best you could in the situation and I think you did a really good job.”
Yoongi slowly lifts his head out of his hands and the moment his eyes meet Jimin’s he begins tearing up. Something about Jimin’s gentle nature, caring tone, and soft touch never fails to break Yoongi down.
“I’m sorry,” Yoongi cries again.
“Don’t be,” Jimin smiles. “I’m proud of you, hyung.”
Yoongi wants to cry more but he notices the rest of the guys exiting the building. He takes a deep breath, wipes his tears, and looks at Jimin with a nod of gratitude. Jimin chuckles at Yoongi’s habit of transforming into his hardened self when he’s trying to avoid the embarrassment of showing his emotions. The guys have seen him emotional many times, yet like a game of roulette, it’s a gamble whether he’ll let it ride out or harden his shell back up at some point.
Namjoon and Jin both enter the SUV while the others load up into a second one waiting behind. No one is sure what to say at the moment. Jin and Namjoon can tell Yoongi was just crying but they’re not sure they should bring anything up right now.
“Are you ok?” Namjoon asks softly. He doesn’t want to put Yoongi on the spot or try to get him to talk if he doesn’t want to, but he at least needs to know that he’s ok.
“Yeah,” Yoongi replies quietly. Namjoon isn’t convinced but he nods and leaves the ride to continue on in silence.
The guys all planned to go out for dinner together so they have about 3 hours to spare after returning to their hotel. An entire 3 hours for Yoongi the pace the floor in panic, fight nausea, cry into a pillow, then finally send Hyeri a distress signal asking her to call if she’s free.
Hyeri is home getting a bit of rest before going out for another day of interviews promoting her new show. She’s lounging across the couch sucked into a video on her phone when Yoongi’s message comes through. Her heart immediately begins racing fearing the worst possible scenarios. She calls him right away and can’t stop herself from spitting out a slew of panicked questions the moment he picks up.
“Is everything ok? What happened? Are you ok?” She asks rapidly.
“I’m so sorry,” he cries through the phone. “I fucked up and I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t know what to do so I just had a sip but I feel fucking terrible because I let you down again.”
“What?” She asks trying to make sure she heard correctly. “Slow down, Yoongi. What happened?”
“They had champagne and they did a toast and I didn’t know what to do. There were so many cameras, Hyeri. I didn’t want people to talk. Not again and definitely not now. Hyeri I had a sip so no one would think anything was out of the ordinary but I hated it. I fucked up so bad,” he exasperates.
“Yoongi, sweetie, take a breath.” While this isn’t exactly the worst she thought would be happening, she still feels a small bit of disappointment. He seems very remorseful now, but what happens if he falls to the temptation again? The very thing she feared before he left home weeks ago.
“I’m so sorry.” He takes a deep breath, then another. “I fucked up. I’m so sorry for letting you down. It was only a little-“
“Yoongi,” she quietly interrupts. “Switch to video.”
“What?” He asks confused but doing as told anyway.
The video connects and Hyeri can see he’s been crying. The panic and distress on his face is clear to her and it only breaks her heart.
“I’m right here, love,” she says compassionately. Her only goal right now is to ease him and she knows he usually feels better when he can see her.
“I-I…” he stutters then takes a deep breath. Seeing her glow through the phone screen is exactly what he needed. Not just seeing her, but seeing her looking totally fine. She’s clearly concerned about him and seeing that on her face rather than the anger or sadness he was expecting to see from her makes his chest feel lighter. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok, Yoongi. I just want make sure you’re ok.”
Yoongi nods while still focused on her. While it’s nearly night time in Chicago, the brightness of the Seoul morning is like the sunshine after a storm. He wipes his tears and takes one more deep breath. His heart is finally slowing a bit and the fog of panic is starting to dissipate.
“You’re doing great,” Hyeri smiles. “I’m proud of you and I really appreciate you being honest with me.”
Just like Jimin’s words in the car, Hyeri’s words give him an added layer of assurance that he definitely needed. Hearing the people he loves say that they’re proud of him at a time he thought he truly fucked up is such a refreshing feeling.
“You and Jimin,” he says cracking a small smile. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“I’m sure you’d be fine,” she jokes making him feel even more lighter.
“Not at all. I have the best support, I just feel so stupid for not talking to you the last time. I almost lost you all.”
“We almost lost you,” she stresses. “All I want is for you to be honest with me, and I’m glad you did that.”
“I always will.” He pauses hearing the voices in the hall. The guys are gathering for dinner and Yoongi realizes he’s likely the last one to join them. “I wish I could talk more but we’re going out for dinner.”
“It’s fine, I have to leave soon too,” she says. “I’ll try to text you before it gets too late over there.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
They end the call and Yoongi rushes out to join the others feeling much more happier than he did 3 hours ago. The shift in mood makes the rest of the guys feel better as well. They weren’t sure what state Yoongi would be in, but it seems he’s back to his normal self.
Hyeri gets herself ready to leave with a mix of emotions swirling through her head. She’s glad Yoongi was honest about having a drink. She’s glad the call ended with smiles and not tears. But she’s so afraid of that champagne turning into wine, then beer, then whiskey, and whatever else.
When her manager picks her up she can’t help but search for video from the gallery while sitting in the backseat. He was in such a panic that she can’t help but think he inhaled the entire glass or something. However, she watches the video and sighs in disbelief. For Yoongi that moment lasted two lifetimes. For Hyeri, and everyone else on the outside, the moment was only a split second. Hyeri replayed the video 3 times just to make sure she was seeing correctly. It’s hardly noticeable that Yoongi even swallowed any of the drink, and some comments from fans are joking that Yoongi must not have liked the champagne because he didn’t take a drink. Hyeri shakes her head and smiles. This is much better than any scene she created in her head. She can understand why he felt pressured in that moment, but to anyone else it’s not even noticeable that he was having an issue. For the first time in what feels like ages, Hyeri feels like she can trust him a little more.
[Hyeri]: My Yoongi I just watched the video.
[Hyeri]: You have nothing to worry about. You did very well and I’m so proud of you! I love you 😘
Yoongi sees her message while he and the guys are discussing what to order at the pizza place they decided on. The 7 of them are deep in discussion on culinary preferences when Yoongi goes silent only staring at his phone with a goofy smile. He taps a quick response and looks up to notice 6 pairs of eyes focused on him.
“What?” Yoongi asks feeling overcome with embarrassment.
“You look so cute,” Hobi teases.
“Can we order now?”
“Like a cute grandpa,” Jimin giggles.
“Are we getting 2 or 3 pizzas?” Yoongi asks still trying to change the subject.
“If you were paying attention you would know,” Namjoon smiles. “I’m glad you’re ok though.”
Everyone nods in agreement. Namjoon doesn’t have to specify what he means, and for the sake of keeping the mood light as it just was, he certainly didn’t want to either. However as the leader he is, he felt it still needed to be mentioned as a way to tell Yoongi that they’re all there for him and no one is upset with him. At the same time, Yoongi’s nod and smile in response is what they all need to confirm that all is well and they don’t need to worry. It’s a silent conversation that can only be held telepathically between 7 people who have spent nearly half their lives together.
After that brief moment everyone returns to poking fun at each other and discussing what they plan to do with their free time after tomorrow’s show. Aside from his usual routine of buying everything he sees for Hyeri, Yoongi is also wanting to use that time to plan that two week vacation that he was very serious about taking her on. Somehow he also got talked into joining Taehyung and Jungkook on a quest to find a burger restaurant that Taehyung learned about that’s supposed to be the best among locals.
The night goes on with all smiles and good vibes. Yoongi has missed the time spent trying local foods and enjoying the company of his brothers. He can’t even remember any of the meals they had together the previous tour because he was so far from reality all of the time. Now he feels like he’s taken a breath of fresh clean air after breathing smoke for so long. He’s present and alert and so very happy.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 37: Electric
Hyeri woke up the next morning to see Yoongi’s texts. She was happy to see that they made it safely, but then a little taken aback by his admission of drinking coffee. She appreciates his honesty, and that alone makes her feel a smidge more secure. However theres a small voice in the back of her mind that keeps wondering when the coffee will turn to beer. When the one drink turns to two then six. Perhaps it may not lead to a full relapse, but it’s hard to silence the noise of the past.
Hyeri sends Yoongi a text telling him she’s glad he made it safe. She tells him she appreciates his honesty and that he’s doing well so he doesn’t have to worry. She only wants him to stay healthy and not overindulge. Then she rolls out of bed and gets herself ready for her counseling session.
It’s no coincidence that she scheduled her appointment this day. She wasn’t sure what feelings would be rushing through her body when Yoongi left for tour, but she knew it would probably be best to talk through it, whatever the feelings may be, with a professional.
Lee Areum, licensed therapist and counselor to many of Brickyard Entertainment’s artists sits across from Hyeri in her cozy office a short distance from Brickyard’s headquarters. Hyeri has become accustomed to Areum’s soft couch and plush pillows. As soon as Areum asks Hyeri how she’s doing, Hyeri tightly hugs one of the pillows and sighs.
“Yeah but…no,” Hyeri hesitates. “I miss him. The him before he broke my heart. He’s come a long way but…there’s something I still miss about him. Something I’m scared will never come back and it breaks my heart.”
“What do you think will never come back?”
Hyeri stares at the floor fighting her tears. She clutches the pillow tighter and inhales deeply. She knows the answer but it’s so hard to say. Saying it would be her admitting it to herself, and it wasn’t until this moment that she realized that she is absolutely terrified. Yes she knew she was scared, but she didn’t know she was so scared that she would have trouble simply saying it out loud. It grips at her chest and she doesn’t even understand why, but this is the same feeling that’s continued to plague her and she’s sick of it. She wants to be free from it finally, and that’s why she’s here.
“I’m afraid the Yoongi I trust with my life will never come back.” She exhales and with it comes a barrage of tears. Her chest is still tight and her face is now deep in the pillow so she can muffle her cries.
“It sounds like you’re grieving the loss of the person you saw him as before.”
The word “grieving” makes it feel different to Hyeri, but it’s 100% accurate. This is a mourning that she hasn’t allowed herself to process, therefore moving forward has been difficult. It’s just a part of healing, but she hates how much it hurts. The fairytale she once envisioned came crashing down and regardless of how much she’s tried to hold on to the image in her mind, the reality of grief finally brought her back to earth.
Yoongi wishes their first day in the US wasn’t so busy, but it’s to be expected. He saw Hyeri’s message and while there’s still a sprinkle of guilt in him, he still felt relieved. He was worried she would have a more negative response, though he truly knows she wouldn’t, yet the fear still remained. He wanted to respond but he was pulled away for another interview. They were busy well into the night before they finally got back to their hotel. He finally was able to text her back telling her about his day and that he’s in the hotel now if she’s free to video chat. Unfortunately, she was with Areum when he sent the message and by the time she got home and straightened up Yoongi had already fallen asleep and missed her call.
The next morning Yoongi curses at the sight of the missed call from Hyeri. He truly tried to stay awake but he was just too tired. He doesn’t have a lot of time before heading off for rehearsal, but he takes his chances and tries video calling Hyeri hoping she’s somewhere where she can answer.
Hyeri is fresh out of the shower where she shaved, washed and deep conditioned her hair, washed her face with an exfoliating scrub, brushed her teeth, and cried the entire time. She’s in her robe with her hair wrapped in a towel when Yoongi’s call comes. She quickly springs to the bed and answers her phone forgetting everything she was just doing, and forgetting how she currently looks.
“Babe?” Yoongi says excited to see her but also concerned by her sad puffy eyes.
“Hey!” She says trying to pretend she doesn’t see how awful she looks at the moment.
“What are you up to?” He asks trying not to dive right into questioning why she looks like she’s been crying for hours.
“Nothing,” she smiles to the best of her ability. “I just got out the shower.”
“Oh,” he says apprehensively. “Are you…ok?”
“Yeah,” she smiles.
Silence.
“No,” she admits with a sigh. “My…I’ve been…ugh,” she grunts. “Truth is, I’ve been seeing a counselor through the company and I was afraid to tell you because I thought you would be too worried about me and not focused on yourself, but I saw her today and we talked about a lot and I’m just trying to figure this all out in my head. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you at first, it’s so stupid of me to not tell you something like this but sometimes it’s hard for me to open up about things because I don’t always feel like I know you anymore.” She takes a deep breath and anxiously waits for Yoongi to say something.
“Hyeri,” he says slowly. He can see the nervousness in her face so he wants to answer quickly as to not cause her more anxiety. However she just said a lot and his mind is trying to figure out what to respond to first. “First of all, I’m really proud of you for seeing someone. I don’t know why you would be afraid to tell me that, but I’m glad you did.”
“You’re…not mad I didn’t say anything before?” She asks unconvinced. “I’ve seen her like 5 times now.”
“No I’m not mad,” he smiles. “I’m just happy you’re seeing someone. I know how much Minho has helped me so far so I hope you can have that same healing experience.”
“Oh,” she says surprised. She should have known that he wouldn’t have a bad response, but part of her was convinced he would.
“I know it’s my fault,” he continues. “I betrayed your trust so I understand you feeling like you can’t open up to me. So I’m not mad.”
“Oh….can I tell you something else then?”
“Anything.”
“I never stopped blaming myself.”
During her sessions with Areum, Hyeri revealed a lot about her lack of trust in Yoongi. After years of being around snakes and liars who nearly ended her career shortly after it began, Yoongi showed her that maybe not everyone was bad. She envisioned perfection so that’s how she portrayed it. She had a big smile and some piece of clothing or jewelry that he gifted her. He took care of her and gave her more than she could ever ask for. She blamed herself for the things he did because she never imagined someone so perfect would be so flawed.
“Hyeri,” Yoongi says trying to not get too emotional before heading to rehearsal.
“I know,” she interrupts. “I’m sorry for the things I had said and done that made you think I didn’t love you. I’m sorry for the things I didn’t say or do. I’m sorry for being so afraid of everything. I don’t want to be afraid anymore, so I’m starting now with this.”
“Hyeri…” he repeats trying to fight the tsunami in his chest threatening his ability to breathe. “You don’t have to apologize for being afraid. You don’t have to apologize for anything. You are so brave in so many ways and I’m always so proud of you, my love.”
“I’m proud of you too,” she smiles. Those words, coming from him especially, cover her with a veil of sunshine and a boost of confidence and motivation. Her eyes may still be red from crying in the shower just a bit ago, but inside she feels relieved. Finally opening up to him for once is giving her a weightless feeling that almost has her on a natural high. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” he smiles back at her. “I really wish I had more time…”
“I know, don’t be late for rehearsal. I just wanted to get that off my chest.” Her smile grows pressing her puffy eyes into amused crescents. “I feel a lot better now.”
“I’m glad.” He hates having to leave when they’re having this conversation that has given him emotional whiplash. “Will you be awake later?”
“Yes,” she nods. “I’ll stay up for you. Now go, you need to get focused on the show tonight.”
“Yes ma’am,” he chuckles. “You made my day. I love you and I miss you and I’ll text you as soon as I can.”
“I love and miss you too,” she beams.
Ending the call is difficult, but it gave Yoongi a great boost that everyone could see the moment he stepped out of his room. By now everyone knows Yoongi heard from Hyeri based on the way his cheeks are flushed red and he has a goofy gummy smile displayed across face. It’s not just Yoongi’s happiness that rubs off on everyone, but simply the way their second oldest is so clearly enamored yet so shy about showing his excitement.
Rehearsal goes smoothly and the stage with a few new features for this US leg of their tour has everyone bouncing in anticipation for the night. They have a brief press conference afterwards then a few hours to themselves before returning to the stadium for soundcheck.
Yoongi uses his free time to go shopping, the same routine he started with the last tour. Shop for gifts for Hyeri then mail her a package from each city stuffed to the brim with goodies. He starts with sending her a text telling her he’s out of rehearsal and heading to the mall. Hyeri had been home fighting her sleep waiting to hear from Yoongi, but she sprang up with a spark of electricity at his message mentioning the mall. She immediately began telling him the shops she would like things from and the designers based there that she loves. He tells her he’ll see what he can do while also joking about how she didn’t care anything about him and only wanted him to get her stuff. Still, he sends her pictures of things he sees in the stores asking what she likes best. By the third store Hyeri stops responding. He’s sure she’s fallen asleep so he sends one last text telling her he loves her and will talk to her later.
Hyeri’s fatigue won over, but as soon as the alarm she set started blaring she sprang awake. She set her alarm to go off at the time she knew the guys would be having soundcheck. She wanted to wake up at that time to respond to Yoongi and also search online for someone streaming the show. Only their last night in Las Vegas will be streamed during this leg of the tour. For every other show, Hyeri will search the far reaches of social media with the rest of the fans not in attendance looking for one kind soul willing to share their experience in first person.
After soundcheck the guys are backstage until showtime so Yoongi immediately goes for his phone and smiles brightly when he sees a message from Hyeri. He can’t explain this feeling, but since their talk he feels so much more elated and optimistic. Everything is exciting now and it almost feels like when their relationship was new.
“Hyung looks so cute!” Jungkook laughs from across the room. Jimin is sitting next to him with his phone pointed suspiciously towards Yoongi.
“What are you two doing?” Yoongi asks noticing the two mischief makers giggling together.
“Nothing,” Jimin laughs. “You just look so cute.”
“Are you recording?”
“No,” Jimin lies.
“Then there will be no evidence of what I’m about to do,” Yoongi says getting up and playfully charging over to them as if he’s about to fight.
“Noo,” Jimin laughs putting his phone away.
“Whatever you’re doing you better show me before you post.”
“I’m not going to post it.”
“I don’t believe you,” he says sitting next to them.
“I mean it,” Jimin defends.
“He’s going to send it to Hyeri noona though,” Jungkook snickers.
“Why?” Yoongi asks flushing red in embarrassment.
“I think she would like to see how cute you look when you’re texting her,” Jimin giggles pulling his phone back out. “See.” He plays the video for Yoongi where it ends just as he was charging towards them.
“It looks like I really attacked you,” Yoongi laughs.
“Like a cute little kitten,” Jungkook jokes.
“Stoppp.” Yoongi is ready to bury his head in embarrassment. The guys always call him cute but it doesn’t make him any less shy each time. The guys do it more because his reaction only makes him cuter.
“I bet Hyeri would agree,” Jimin says sending the video to Hyeri without Yoongi realizing.
Just as he said a few moments later Hyeri sends Yoongi a text swooning over how cute he is. Seeing his face light up the way it did made her feel the warm and fuzzy comfort she was afraid she’d never feel again.
“What did she say?” Jimin giggles watching Yoongi smile at his phone once again. “Did she say you were cute?”
“Mind your business,” Yoongi laughs getting up to go back to where he was originally sitting so he can escape their teasing. Once comfortable again, he texts Hyeri back with the same smile on his face, much to his maknaes amusement.
Hyeri found a stream as well as a backup stream for the show. The guys are all dressed and ready to go. The crowd roar gradually grows by the second as the seats fill up in the stadium. When the VCR begins playing Yoongi takes a big breath. Then another. And a third. He’s feeling more nervous than he did at the first show at home. There’s a lot riding on this and it starts tonight.
The show starts with an explosion of energy that even Hyeri can feel from the low quality video she’s watching. She sings and dances along with the crowd, smiles at how good Yoongi looks, and laughs at the commentary from the fan streaming the video. It’s electrifying and before they know it, it’s coming to an end.
The guys go one by one speaking to the crowd before they perform their final encore song. The closer it gets to Yoongi’s turn, the more nervous he gets. He knows Hyeri is watching someway somehow, he wants to let her know he’s thinking of her as well. When his turn comes he keeps his message sweet and simple, but still soft enough to make the crowd swoon. At the end he kisses his microphone, right at the bottom where Hyeri’s hand drawn heart is, then he raises his arms to create a big heart above his head. The crowd loves it and Hyeri is swelling with joy.
Yoongi can’t help it, the moment he makes it backstage after the show he gets his phone and sees messages from Hyeri giving him praise. He quickly texts her back letting her know he would call once he’s at the hotel. He’s all smiles as they take pictures, greet industry friends, and shoot a quick short video for socials. Afterwards the guys are taken back to their hotel where Yoongi quickly goes to his room to wash up and call Hyeri.
They talk well into the night, at times simply enjoying each other’s comfortable silence. Hyeri has a promo shoot to attend so when the time comes for her to go, Yoongi has already fallen asleep on the phone. She whispers a good night to him then hangs up and sends him a text saying the same. She gets herself ready then heads out the door with a great big smile on her face.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 36: Fly
Yoongi feels a new wave of optimism and anticipation after his talk with Hyeri. The morning after their Seoul concert he wakes up early to make her breakfast. He doesn’t even bother to make himself a cup of coffee. Admitting that he’s been using it as an alcohol substitute has made him try to be more conscious of his caffeine consumption. He won’t quit cold turkey, but he’ll certainly make sure it’s less frequent and that some of those coffees are decaf.
Yoongi has a healthy mix of eggs, toast, pork, and sweet potatoes cooked and ready for Hyeri as soon as she wakes up. While he waits he scrolls his phone. His usual routine of checking emails then socials and ending off on a random YouTube video until his attention is pulled elsewhere. When he gets to socials the first thing he sees is Hyeri’s name trending. His heart sinks as he reluctantly clicks on the tag. It only takes a few swipes for him to see that Hyeri is trending because someone noticed she was sitting with Yoongi’s family at the concert. People started piecing things together and now the internet is convinced Yoongi and Hyeri are dating. In a way, he feels relieved. They can just confirm the rumors and be done with it, but Hyeri doesn’t quite see it that way.
Hyeri woke up hearing Yoongi in the kitchen making breakfast. She decided to scroll through socials for a bit until she felt Yoongi would be done cooking and she could eat. While doing that she also saw the talk about her sitting with Yoongi’s family. She curses herself a bit because she should have known someone out there would actually know what Yoongi’s family looks like and figure things out. While Yoongi is relieved, Hyeri is anxious. She didn’t want anything happening before her drama comes out. She didn’t want to be the cause of distractions that take away from the show itself. This is the last thing she wanted. She groans a bit then finally rolls out of bed and goes into the bathroom to straighten herself up before joining Yoongi in the kitchen.
“Good morning,” Yoongi smiles. “Breakfast is ready.” She takes a seat at one of the bar stools as Yoongi places a plate in front of her then sits next to her with his plate.
“You seem to be in a good mood today,” Hyeri says attempting to match his enthusiasm.
“I am! Last night was great! Seeing you and my family out there was amazing! I know I was worried at first, but now I’m just excited for the tour. And excited for us,” he quickly brushes her cheek with his thumb.
“For us?” She half smiles.
“Yeah…” he hesitates noticing the apprehension on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. It’s just…I’m afraid we may have been found out.”
“You saw?”
“Yeah,” she sighs.
“And…you still don’t want anyone to know?” His voice falls flat missing all of the enthusiasm he just had.
“It’s not that. I just…” she looks at Yoongi’s face slowly morphing into a sad pout and she can’t help feeling bad when she knows how much he wants this. “I told you I wanted to wait until the show premieres. I guess I wanted to put it out there in my own way and my own time.”
“Your own way?” He can feel that wave of anxiety rising. Maybe he shouldn’t have been so happy just now so his fall to the ground wouldn’t be as hard. “So you’re-“
“No,” she interrupts reading his mind. She’s not too sure what her own way is just yet, but she knows she won’t be denying the rumors this time. Not again. “I’m not going to deny it.”
“You’re not?” He raises his brows in surprise. He was fully expecting to have a repeat of the last time. He was fully expecting the sadness and disappointment from her rejection once again.
“No,” she shakes her head. “I’m not going to deny us again.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” she sighs. Confirming the relationship would certainly make things easier and loosen some of the tension in their relationship surrounding the subject, but he hasn’t even left for his tour yet. She would feel like a complete fool if she finally let go and made their relationship public only for him to return from tour the way he did last time, a drunken unfaithful mess. She needs to be sure, and while she’s felt more and more sure about the relationship with each day, the trust still lacks. “I don’t want to deny the truth again, but I need to know…I need to feel that I can trust you before I confirm anything.”
Yoongi nods slowly understanding her reasoning, but hating it nonetheless. He’s impatient now. The longer they go having to hide the harder it gets for him. However he can’t blame her at all. This is just one of the many consequences of his past stupid actions.
“I promise,” she says trying to pick his mood back up. “If you can promise me I won’t have to worry about you and you won’t ignore me. You’ll tell me when you’re having good times and bad. Promise me that, and I promise I won’t deny a thing.”
“And,” he says rising from his stool and standing over her with his finger on her chin keeping her eyes on his. “If I hold up my end of the deal, you’ll let me tell the world that you’re mine?”
“I’ll tell them with you,” she smiles. That seems to be just the thing to lift Yoongi back to the bouncy feline he was a few moments ago. However, deep down she’s still not quite as enthusiastic. Her anxiety has been making sure to remind her of every possible thing that could go wrong while Yoongi is on tour.
Thankfully, she finally began seeing someone for the anxiety that had been snowballing within her leading up to the start of the tour. She thought she was doing fine, and perhaps she was, but she couldn’t shake that trauma no matter how many times she cried to Haeun about it. With Haeun’s recommendation she finally sought a professional.
She’s only seen her company recommended counselor a few times over the past month, but she already feels like she’s making progress. Slow, but progress nonetheless. Yoongi is unaware of her appointments, she’s only told him that she has a meeting and he never questioned it. The fear of worrying Yoongi is something that continues occupying too much space in her mind, so for now she doesn’t want him to devote his attention to her if he feels she’s having a hard time. She’s afraid codependent, overbearing, needs-to-fix-everything Yoongi will return and he won’t be his best for this tour. While that may have been more than true before, she hasn’t quite fully realized that annoying helicopter parent Yoongi is no more.
Though not a helicopter parent, he spends his remaining time at home attached to Hyeri like the most loyal and loving pup. Hyeri loves it and joked that his sweetness is only going to make her miss him more. That only made him kick up the cuteness intensity until the moment he left. With many kisses, I love yous, the tightest hug ever, and a surprise gift of a new black and red bucket hat from Hyeri, Yoongi left her behind and went out to the car waiting for him with his luggage in tow.
He hops into the black SUV where Taehyung and Jin are already sitting inside. Another SUV is out picking up the rest of the guys then they’ll all meet at the airport. Yoongi feels like it’s been such a long time since the seven of them faced the waiting media at the airport that he was almost surprised to see them.
Yoongi enters the airport in his long black pants, white t-shirt, and the bucket hat Hyeri just gave him and waves to the waiting cameras as security shuffles him and everyone else along quickly. Everyone is in high spirits even though they’re about to be on a long flight to the other side of the world. Once they make it through security Yoongi finds a spot to get comfortable in their vip lounge while they wait for boarding. He pulls out his phone to see he already has a string of messages from Hyeri.
Hyeri feels like Yoongi is about to go off to war with no promise of returning. The moment he walked out the door she felt a heavy weight fall over her. The past trauma came flooding back and her mind couldn’t stop racing. She watched the live stream of the guys arriving at the airport and her emotions were very mixed and very strong. Seeing him happily wearing the hat she gave him made her smile from cheek to cheek. He looks great and healthy and she couldn’t be more proud of how far he’s come. Then the anxious thoughts creeped in. She felt this way when he left for the last tour and it wasn’t long before she found herself on a downward spiral into the worst year of her life since her group disbanded.
One thing she’s learned over time is to let whatever she feels flow and not bottle them up. She cried watching him and began whispering her thoughts as if he could somehow hear her. Then she decided she wanted him to hear her, so she began texting him everything that came through her mind.
[Hyeri]: You look so good!! 😘
[Hyeri]: I miss you already.
[Hyeri]: I’m so scared. I love you so much but I’m so afraid of things going bad like before.
[Hyeri]: This is so hard. I want to trust you, Yoongi, I really do. I’m trying. I hope it gets easier because right now I’m so torn.
[Hyeri]: Please think of me at least once a day. I know I’ll always be thinking of you. You can call or text me at any time even if I’m busy I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
[Hyeri]: Please be safe out there. I love you.
Yoongi feels a brief pang shoot through his chest when he reads Hyeri’s messages. He understands what she’s feeling, and though he’s filled with great amounts of excitement and optimism, he still has that same anxiety she’s feeling running through the back of his mind.
[Yoongi]: Hyeri I think of you all day everyday and that’s not going to change. I know you’re worried and it’s ok, I understand, but I promise you will hear from me every single day. If there’s anything on your mind you can always talk to me and I promise I’ll do the same. We’ll make it through this. I love you more.
Yoongi’s response filled Hyeri with a scary excitement. A scary beautiful terrifying pessimistic optimism that has her heart pounding so hard she’s sure it will break through her ribs any moment now. She doesn’t even know how to respond to him because of the back and forth going through her mind. She’s trying to find the ability to focus when suddenly Yoongi is video calling her.
“What are you doing?” She answers unable to stop herself from picking up his call immediately.
“Namjoon said you would answer me before you answer him,” Yoongi laughs with Namjoon peeking over his shoulder.
“What?” She laughs. Suddenly the pull of happiness and excitement takes over and she’s all smiles as she watches the two of them being silly.
“You and I both know you wouldn’t answer me that fast or at all,” Namjoon jokes. “You couldn’t be bothered to say anything to me before we leave?”
“Oh shut up,” she playfully says. “Shouldn’t you guys be boarding?”
“We will soon,” Yoongi says. “I just wanted to-“
“Lover boy here was staring at his phone like a fool,” Namjoon chuckles. “I told him to just call you if he wants to so bad.”
“You told me she wasn’t answering you,” Yoongi defends.
“You know you wanted the excuse.”
“You can go now,” Yoongi says waving him off and turning the camera to focus only on him.
“We’re going now,” Namjoon says squeezing his head back into view. “Don’t make him miss the flight,” he jokes.
“Two minutes, Namjoon,” Hyeri chuckles. “Give us two minutes. I’ll text you later.”
“Sure,” he says sarcastically. “Two minutes. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Love you, oppa!” She giggles as Namjoon stands and walks off.
“Hey,” Yoongi says softly. “I’ll let you know when we land and when we get to the hotel.”
“Ok,” she quietly nods. Her mixed feelings she expressed in her messages are showing all over her face now.
“I meant everything I said,” he says trying to reassure her. “I know it’s hard for you to see it now, but I promise I’ll prove it to you.”
“I know, babe. In time I’ll hopefully feel less afraid.”
“It’s ok to be afraid. I gave you every reason to be afraid right now. But what if I told you this would be the last time you will feel this way?”
“That would be nice,” she laughs nervously.
“It would be nicer if I could just bring you on tour with me.”
“It would,” she smiles just from imagining being on tour with him and seeing the world by each other’s sides. “But you know I’ve got a lot of promos coming up for the drama, going along would be impossible.”
“Then maybe we go on a small tour of our own when I get back?”
“A tour of our own?”
“Pick a place and we can go. A vacation together that’s long overdue.”
“Like…” she thinks. “The beach in Sicily?”
“I’ll make it happen,” he says confidently.
“You seem so sure.”
“Because I know I won’t fuck this up, so I’ll start looking for a place to stay in Sicily. You just make sure you keep two weeks open for me,” he smiles.
“Yoongi,” she says in disbelief. “Two weeks?”
“Would you prefer three? Maybe split the time between different places? I could fly us from Sicily to Milan on my private helicopter.”
“Ok now you’re just talking nonsense,” she laughs.
“I mean it,” he smiles.
Just then Namjoon and another manager are waving for Yoongi to prepare to board.
“I guess our two minutes is up,” he sighs. “But I mean it. Two weeks, ok?”
“Ok,” she smiles. “Have a safe flight.”
“I’ll text you as soon as we land.” His throat suddenly feels tighter as if he’s trying to hold back more words, or sobs, he isn’t quite sure. All he knows is his excitement is being blended with a strong dose of anxiety now that he’s actually about to board the plane. “I love you,” he says trying to hide his nerves.
“I love you too, my Yoongi,” Hyeri smiles.
Ending the call is the hardest thing for Yoongi to do. Leaving her smiling face behind, the face that has served as his savior in the worst of times, is incredibly gut wrenching. He’s talked plenty, but now it’s time for action. He has a lot to make up for.
The flight is long, but of course nothing unusual for the guys. Yoongi mostly goes between sleeping, eating, and reading. He got through a movie at one point and fell asleep during another. Then finally they landed and he’s never felt so relieved.
They step off the plane into a world only a few hours off from the time it was in Seoul when they left. Their 14 hour time machine ride spit them out into an early afternoon crowd of media and many others hoping to catch a glimpse of them before they get shuffled off into waiting cars.
Their hotel for the next 5 days and 4 nights is only a short drive from the airport. Once they arrive Yoongi throws himself on the bed and texts Hyeri that they arrived at the hotel. He knows she’s likely sleep because she didn’t respond to his message when they landed but he sends the message anyway just as he said he would. He lays there a moment longer before hopping in the shower to wash his travel off and get ready to head out for a radio interview they have scheduled. Their schedule is fairly packed and they’ll only have a bit of free time the day between their two shows here. So he washes up and quickly meets everyone in the lobby where he’s greeted with a refreshing and much desired iced americano.
It isn’t until they’re in the car and Yoongi is halfway done with his beverage that he realizes what he’s even doing. It’s coffee, and certainly not nearly as big of a deal as alcohol, but he can’t help but feel himself suddenly flush with guilt and shame. He immediately texts Hyeri telling her of his mindless slip up, which makes him feel a little better for being honest, but he’s not going to be fully at ease until she responds to him.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch 35: Comeback
The guys hit the ground running as soon as their album is officially released to the world. They have a busy week of promoting which ends with their concert in Seoul. Two days later they’ll be on a flight to New York to kick off the first leg of their tour. Yoongi is excited and buzzing from a constant stream of caffeine. Hyeri is also excited because for the first time since she and Yoongi have been together she can finally attend one of their shows. Before he left for rehearsal he swept her off of her feet and gave her a passionate kiss then bounced out the door looking forward to seeing her face in the crowd later that night.
Before the show, Hyeri meets up with Yoongi’s parents and brother who are in town to see the show. They previously told Yoongi they weren’t sure they’d be able to be there, but with a little help from Hyeri they were able to make it happen. Yoongi has no idea, so their attendance will be a surprise when he finds Hyeri in the crowd and sees the rest of his family there next to her.
Being backstage before the show starts to make Yoongi realize just how much he had been relying on alcohol in the past. He found himself wandering around restlessly trying to figure out what to do with himself. In the past he’d simply have a drink, or a few, and somehow that was enough to pass the time. Now he’s sitting on the couch staring at the wall wondering what brand of paint was used.
“Hyung,” Namjoon says coming over and taking a seat next to Yoongi. “How are you feeling?”
“Good,” Yoongi nods. Internally he breathes a sigh of relief thanking Namjoon for coming over and saving him from the standstill of time. “I’m just ready to get out there.”
“Yeah me too. I saw the mic Rainbow got you. You think anyone will notice it’s from her?” Namjoon jokes.
“Not unless you’ve been talking,” Yoongi chuckles.
“Of course not,” Namjoon smiles. “Your secret is safe as long as you want it to be.”
“Right,” he says returning a smile. “I’m not sure how much longer that will be though.”
“What are you thinking?”
“I don’t know,” Yoongi sighs. “One minute I’m ready to tell everything, and the next I’m doubting myself. What if it causes problems for the rest of you? I can’t do anything to cause that.”
“Hyung we’re not kids anymore.” Namjoon looks at Yoongi with empathy. “We’ve dealt with worse and made it through. We want you to be happy, that’s all. If you want to announce it then we’ll support you the same as always.”
“Thanks, leader,” Yoongi chuckles. “What about Hyeri though? I don’t want this to ruin her.”
“I’m sure she’ll be fine too. At this point I don’t think revealing this would be as bad as a lot of the other things that have gone around about her. If you both are really serious then you’ll have to do it eventually, right?”
“I know. She just seems to be on the fence still. One minute she’s excited about finally letting this secret go and the next she seems hesitant like she’s not sure. That’s why I’m so unsure.”
“See how she feels once the tour is over.”
Namjoon knows why Hyeri would be hesitant, the same reason he and the rest of the guys have been silently anxious about the tour. Trust takes time and if the tour goes smoothly without incident then the guys will no doubt feel much more at ease. Namjoon can only guess that Hyeri feels the same. Yoongi may have been clean and faithful so far, but the tour, the world tour will be the real test of Yoongi’s recovery.
Yoongi is no fool, he fully understands why Namjoon suggested he wait until after the tour. Hyeri knows her drama is set to premiere during the tour so she’s using that as her deadline. In her mind she truly wants to be free of this stupid secret that has caused so much heartache and pain, but she needs to feel like she can trust him just a little bit more before she finally throws caution to the wind.
Yoongi has been determined to prove himself since the moment he returned home from his 2 months in the woods. He’s trying to be patient, but it’s getting harder as each day passes. He wants to go out with her and love her openly without having to hide all the time. He typically doesn’t give much of his personal life away to the public, but he loves her so much that he can no longer contain it.
As if he weren’t already feeling impatient, during the first break during the concert that night when they all introduce themselves, he looks up and sees Hyeri. It’s as if she’s glowing like the brightest star in the sky. He’s ready to scream his love through the custom made microphone she gifted him in front of the entire crowd, but then he sees his mom sitting next to her. And his dad. And his brother. He bites his lip trying to remain composed. It’s much too early for him to start crying at the sight of his family in the crowd. His family he didn’t think was coming. His family and Hyeri. Hyeri is his family. His family.
By the time they reach their final ments at the end of the show, he’s about to burst at the seams. During his ment he wanted to tell everyone then, but he was able to refrain. Instead he mentioned that his family is in attendance and gave a very shy yet bold “I love you” to them making the crowd roar with endearment. Hyeri knows that was for her. He rarely expresses his love to his family openly and directly in such a way. Especially not in front of a stadium full of people. She smiles rubbing the necklace he bought her that’s draped around her neck and he smiles back.
The guys finish their last but not last song then head backstage to prepare for their encore set. So far the show has been incredible. Everyone is full of energy from the electric crowd and Yoongi is undoubtedly enthusiastic knowing Hyeri and his family are there. As he watches the screen backstage it seems the camera found Hyeri, and now everyone else in the crowd is just as enthusiastic as he is. She bows and waves shyly at the cheering crowd before the camera cuts to a few other celebrities in attendance. Yoongi has the biggest smile on his face when they make their way back to the stage.
Hyeri enjoyed herself more than she thought she would. This isn’t just her first time getting to see Yoongi in concert, but her first time seeing the whole group in concert. She was impressed and proud of them all, but especially her big brother Namjoon, and completely smitten and swept away by Yoongi. He looked happy and healthy and in his right mind. It’s such a relief for her.
After the show a staff member ushers Hyeri and Yoongi’s family backstage where the guys are greeting their other friends who were in attendance. With so many cameras backstage for various behind the scenes videos, Yoongi silently nods at Hyeri to follow him into another room. He can’t embrace her with so many cameras around, but he can’t contain himself either. He just wants to hug her and kiss her right now. As soon as they enter the room he shuts the door and pulls Hyeri into a close embrace.
“You don’t know how happy I am to see you,” he says giving her a long kiss.
“Your family is here too,” she chuckles returning his kiss.
“You’re my family too,” he smiles. “I’m happy to see all of you.”
“You were great out there. I’m really proud of you, Yoongi.”
“What?” He says suddenly feeling shy. “Why are you being so formal.”
“I’m not,” she laughs. “I guess it’s just habit whenever we’re not at home.”
“Right,” he says feeling that much closer to going out and kissing her in front of every camera and being over and done with this hiding. “How much longer until that changes?” He asks resting his forehead against hers.
“I told you-“
“I know what you told me.” He gives her a desperate kiss. “I know, Hyeri, but this is so hard.”
“You don’t think it’s hard for me too?” She asks returning his desperate kiss with one of her own.
“Sometimes I can’t tell.” He kisses her again and again pushing her backwards with each one until she’s pressed into the table against the wall.
“I need to know I can trust you,” she says linking her arms around his neck and connecting her lips to his once again. “I love you so fucking much,” she exasperates between kisses. “But I need to be able to trust you, Yoongi. That’s the hard part.” At this point she’s having a hard time speaking because they keep taking turns claiming each other’s tongues. The passion that had been building up all night is overflowing and neither of them can seem to stop it.
“I swear,” he says feeling more out of breath now from arousal than he felt during the entire concert. “I will prove you can trust me. I promise. You mean the world to me, I’ll never fuck that up again. I love you so fucking much.” Hyeri isn’t able to respond because their mouths collide once more and remain connected as they taste and feel the familiar newness of each other. His fingers grip her hips and her fingers find their way to his hair and give a light tug.
“I love you too,” she exhales into his mouth before sealing her words with another kiss. He’s got her nearly completely on top of the table and isn’t letting up.
Yoongi is bursting with vigor at the moment. With the great show and his loved ones in attendance, he can’t help himself. His fingers slide their way under her shirt and she sucks in a sharp breath from the chill of his touch on her back.
“Where’s Yoongi?” Someone can be heard asking outside the door. Yoongi and Hyeri slowly disconnect from one another hating the ill timed distraction for pulling them out of their bliss.
“You should go out there,” Hyeri says.
“Yeah I guess so,” he sighs. “Will you be awake when I get home?”
“I’ll make sure of it,” she smiles. “Go talk to your family and give the fans their behind the scenes content.”
“I’ll do that,” he chuckles.
He slowly and reluctantly walks out of the room into the backstage chaos of cameras, staff, guests, and for some reason a ferret. He greets everyone and as the majority of them are occupied, Hyeri slips out of the room and heads for the exit. She briefly makes eye contact with Namjoon across the room and gives him a nod and an apologetic look. She wanted to talk to him and congratulate him on a great show, but there’s far too many people pining for his attention. Namjoon simply nods back with a flash of his dimples and Hyeri takes off for the exit to head home.
Yoongi chatted with his family a bit, took photos for multiple outlets and social posts, and recorded a few group videos for YouTube. Afterwards they all go their separate ways until they meet up again for their flight in a couple of days.
Yoongi is delighted to see Hyeri is still awake just as she said she’d be when he gets home. He quickly washes up and crawls into bed next to her and wraps his arms around her tightly.
“I’m so glad you all came tonight,” Yoongi says kissing Hyeri’s forehead. “You gave me so much energy tonight.”
“Me or the 50 cups of coffee you drank?” She asks. When she returned home there was a package at their doorstep that contained many packs of instant coffee. Yoongi purchased them in bulk to take with him on tour. He completely forgot to mention it to Hyeri but he didn’t think it would be an issue.
“50?” He scoffs. “I only had 4 cups.”
“With how many espresso shots?”
“Irrelevant,” he chuckles.
“Very relevant,” she laughs. “I don’t want your heart to explode or something before you make it back to me.”
“I’m fine.”
“I mean it,” she says tapping his chest. “I’m happy you found something that gives you energy, I just worry about you. Your package was delivered and there’s enough coffee in there to last a year.”
“I want to make sure I don’t run out,” he shrugs.
“Babe,” she chuckles. “Be honest with me.”
“Always.”
“It’s something else, isn’t it?” She softly asks.
“What do you mean?”
“Has coffee…” she hesitates, but if she doesn’t get it out it’s only going to eat at her more once he’s on the road. “Become your new alcohol?” She gently caresses his cheek hoping that her question doesn’t cause him to shut down or feel attacked. “What’s on your mind?”
Yoongi tries to think of an answer, but he doesn’t have one that will keep him from having to admit how afraid he is. The fact that he’s been progressively drinking more and more coffee as a substitute for his previous addiction never crossed his mind, but with Hyeri’s question he immediately realized that’s what he had been doing.
“I’m-“ he hesitates. “I guess I’m scared.”
“Of what?” She asks feeling the pain in his admission.
“Everything. I feel like there’s so much riding on this comeback and tour that it needs to be perfect. My career, my relationships, everything is going to be impacted if I fuck this up and Hyeri I’m so fucking scared of fucking up.”
“How could you fuck up?” She asks. “I know you’re trying your best, I can see that. As long as you keep doing that then there’s no way you can fuck anything up.”
“I feel like I’ll find a way somehow. This tour, it’s…the last one was so bad, I have so much to make up for. To you, the guys, the fans, all of you.”
“But you’re not alone this time,” she says gently. “You don’t have to suffer in silence, we all are here to support you. All you have to do is talk to us. Be honest, babe.”
“You…” his voice gets caught behind the knot forming in his throat.
“I know I let you down last time when I wasn’t speaking to you,” she continues. “And I’ll always be sorry for making you feel alone when you really needed someone. I promise I won’t do that again. But this time will be different because as long as you’re honest with me and I’m honest with you we can still support each other no matter how far apart we are.”
Yoongi nods still unable to make a sound. He feels silly for not talking to her about his fears sooner. He’d only spoken to Minho about these things, but talking to Hyeri and hearing her words of support is exactly the type of reassurance he needs. He pulls her into a tighter embrace and takes a deep breath releasing his anxieties through his exhale.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 34: Pout
When Yoongi returned home he immediately apologized to Hyeri. The guys went straight from the airport to the location of their interview so the best he was able to do was send her a text telling her he didn’t mean to get upset with her and was just feeling tired and stressed. Hyeri accepted his apology, but she now has a small part in the back of her mind that’s afraid he may have given in to a drink, though he assures her he hasn’t.
Things remain high paced with their comeback right on the horizon. Pre-recorded performances have been shot and there’s been no shortage of scheduled interviews. The decision to not have a pre-release single for this album has created lots of anticipation from everyone, but finally the first batch of people will be able to hear what they’ve been working so hard on at their album release party taking place the night before the album is released.
Yoongi, like the rest of the guys, is excited to get the music out there. This is his redemption album. His ‘rises from the ashes’ comeback. A comeback that means more than any other. What makes it even more exciting is knowing that Hyeri will be in attendance for the party. There’s still a lot of people in the industry unaware of their relationship so they will still have to remain discreet, but they’re just happy to be at the same event for once. She gives him strength.
Yoongi arrives at the start of the party with the rest of the members. Although there is alcohol being served they made sure Yoongi would have more than enough alcohol free options to get through the night. That also includes iced coffee, something he made sure to request knowing he would probably need the boost at some point.
Guests begin arriving and before they know it the entire place is filled with all of their industry friends, journalists, many cameras, and various other people they extended invitations to. Everyone is chatting, drinking, dancing, and taking lots of videos and selfies that are quickly finding their way to Instagram causing the rest of the world to remain glued to their devices for more.
Yoongi didn’t make it far before he had his first cup of coffee. Although it’s not alcohol he can almost feel like he’s getting a buzz anyway. He feels good, but when he sees Hyeri finally arrive he feels even better.
Hyeri is dressed in a silver crop top and matching miniskirt with one of her many pairs of Chanel high heels that shine just as much as the rest of her outfit. Yoongi watches her from across the room almost afraid to approach her. There are so many ways they can be found out if they’re not careful. Between the cameras for various publications, and just about everyone else live posting pictures and videos online, he’s scared just being within 10 feet of her. Regardless, she looks far too good for him to stay away so he finishes off his coffee and bounces over to her once she’s no longer stuck in conversation with someone else.
“Hey!” Hyeri smiles the moment she notices him. She almost leaps into his arms until she remembers where they are, so instead she holds her hand out for a handshake.
“We did an entire song together and all you can do is give me a handshake?” He jokes taking her hand and pulling her into a hug.
“I was trying to maintain the platonic boundaries of our relationship,” she laughs returning his hug. She lingers a second to try making sense of the sudden rush she’s feeling shoot through her veins. Something about the room being filled with unknowing people while his fingers gently tickle her skin when he pulls away gives her chills.
“We’re friends, not strangers though,” he laughs. “But say the word and I know where we can go to be more than friends,” he smirks.
“I think you should focus on your party,” she says wishing she could take him up on the offer.
“You look beautiful,” he smiles backing down.
“And you look like the hottest man in this room.”
“Would you like to have a drink with the hottest man in this room?”
Hyeri raises her eyebrow in suspicion.
“I’m drinking iced coffee,” he clarifies.
“Oh,” she nods with relief. “Ok then.”
Yoongi reaches out to take her hand and guide her to the bar, then quickly drops it when he remembers the hundreds of eyeballs around them. He smiles nervously then leads the way with her following behind.
“What would you like?” He asks her.
“Martini is fine.”
“Martini,” Yoongi says to the bartender. “And a coffee my way.”
“Coffee your way?” She asks when the bartender turns to prepare the drinks.
“It’s just got a few extra shots of espresso in it,” he giggles. “I know it’s going to be a long night.”
“Right,” she smiles. “You’ve really been on a caffeine kick lately.”
“Just trying to keep up with this comeback.” The bartender puts the drinks down on the counter and Yoongi picks them both up and nods a silent thank you. “Come on.”
He finds a small corner in the room with few people around and they sit down to begin sipping on their respective drinks. There are so many things he wants to do with her right now. All things that he knows he can’t do at this moment. So instead he tries to simply do what everyone else is doing.
“Do you want to take a selfie for your Insta?” He asks her.
“Yeah!” She perks up. She’s not always big on posting selfies with others, but Yoongi knows that she can never resist when she’s feeling extra confident about her look. Just by the way she walks he knows she’s feeling it.
Hyeri pulls out her phone and begins snapping a few selfies of herself. Then she takes a few pictures of the crowd out on the floor mingling and dancing and having a great time. Yoongi watches her as she takes photo after photo then opens Instagram to get ready to post the photos.
“Did you want to post a picture of the two of us?” Yoongi asks feeling a bit slighted that she didn’t bother to get at least one shot with him. He knows they’re trying to remain inconspicuous but he thought she’d at least include him in one harmless selfie.
“Oh,” she says feeling bad for the small pout he’s trying to hide. “I wasn’t sure it would be ok.”
“It’s just a selfie,” he assures her. “I’ve taken selfies with a lot of people already, it doesn’t make a difference.”
“Right,” she nods. She’s hesitant and he can tell, but still she raises her phone and smiles while snapping a quick photo. Then she promptly exits the camera app and puts her phone back in her clutch.
“You’re not going to post it?” He asks with a raised brow. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but the way his chest feels like it’s being prickled by burning pins and needles is hard to ignore.
“I will,” she responds. “I just want to get pictures with a few more people and post them all at once. It would look a bit suspicious if I only posted a photo with you.”
It’s a very logical reason so Yoongi nods in acceptance of her answer. He isn’t quite sure why those pins and needles are still burning though. Before his insecure mind is able to take control of his tongue, Namjoon approaches them.
“Hey, Hyeri,” Namjoon says as she stands to give him a hug. “Thanks for coming.”
“You know I wasn’t going to miss it,” she smiles looking down at Yoongi who remains seated. “This type of opportunity doesn’t come often.”
“Make the most of it then,” Namjoon smiles.
“I will.” Hyeri pulls her phone back out of her clutch. “Selca!”
“Quick,” he says as she raises her phone. “We have to go up in a second,” he says to Yoongi.
Hyeri snaps a quick picture then Yoongi and Namjoon join the rest of the guys at the front of the room. The DJ silences the music and Namjoon takes the mic to address the crowd. He gives a brief introduction and thanks everyone for coming to get the first listen of their new album. He goes on to explain the album’s concept and hopes that everyone enjoys it. Once he’s done speaking the DJ begins playing their new album for everyone to hear.
Yoongi returns to his spot next to Hyeri to get her reaction of the album as it plays. Everyone in the room is silently listening to each track while bobbing their heads to the beat. Yoongi can’t read minds, but from what he can tell everyone seems to be enjoying the album and that makes him feel very good. When his solo song on the album begins playing he gets a bit more nervous. Of all the songs he had written and produced for this album, this particular one is the most meaningful. Most of the songs he had written while rehabbing in the woods he felt were far too personal for the group’s album and opted to save the songs for another solo album of his. However this song he felt needed to be included on this album.
The song, simply titled Morning Dew is a vow from Yoongi to everyone he loves. A 2 minute and 42 second long promise to be a better person and never cause anyone pain again. The first verse is a vow to his family and brothers that he will be the dependable person they count on him to be. It’s a plea for a fresh start. The chorus is a declaration of love to everyone and an expression of gratitude for their continued support even when he felt he didn’t deserve it. The second verse is for Hyeri. Of course he wrote his lyrics in a way that keeps it ambiguous but he mentions specific things that only the intended targets would understand.
Yoongi watches Hyeri’s face closely to gauge her reaction to the verse. She’s enjoying the song and she can tell this is one of his more personal and emotional songs. The Seesaw-like tempo has a reflective vibe that gives the listener the feeling of looking back on past mistakes and trying to make amends. She’s always in awe of Yoongi’s musical artistry, and she’s no stranger to being on the receiving end of songs he’s written for her. But when she heard the line “One day I hope to be the gold at the end of your rainbow” she could only look back at him silently while still listening to the song play.
Yoongi stays locked onto her gaze hoping his face is able to convey the same emotions he’s crooning out through the song. He really wishes they were alone so he could hold her and kiss her and tell her for the millionth time how much he loves her and regrets his past actions. Suddenly he’s overcome with a strong urge. Hyeri’s face isn’t giving him any hints on her thoughts, and paired with her reasonable but still hurtful hesitation in posting a selfie of them together, he starts to feel incredibly insecure. He takes a big sip of his coffee hoping it’s able to quench his sudden thirst. All eyes are on him as the song winds down. Many head nods and thumbs up from people in the crowd giving their support. He wants to hold on to Hyeri but there are too many eyes in his direction. He wants to get a drink but there are too. many. eyes. He’s frozen in his seat and only gives a shy smile and nod to everyone showing their love for his solo song.
It felt like an eternity, but finally the next song begins and attention turns to Taehyung, whose bluesy voice rings through the speaker as his solo song begins to play. Yoongi sighs in relief and turns his attention back to Hyeri. She gives him a smile unsure of what to say. The song was beautiful, his words were meaningful, and for some reason he suddenly looks distressed.
“Are you ok?” She asks quietly.
He nods slowly which doesn’t convince her, but she lets it go for now while the album continues to play. Hyeri hasn’t quite caught on to Yoongi’s insecurity about her not posting their picture right away, but she caught on to how jittery and anxious he looks. She watches as he sips on his coffee wondering if she’s missing something. He looks unnerved and she’s starting to build on her previous suspicion that he may have relapsed.
She hates that she didn’t pay attention to the bartender earlier when he was making their drinks. He could have snuck alcohol in the drink and she never would have known. She’s ready to ask for a sip to taste for herself but just then he slurps down the remainder of the drink ridding her of the chance.
Once the album is done playing everyone cheers expressing their compliments. Hyeri smiles at Yoongi and tells him how much she enjoyed the songs and how touched she is by his words in Morning Dew. It’s difficult for them to act natural when there are still so many eyes around. Hyeri decides to get another drink and asks Yoongi if he’d like another coffee. She uses this as an opportunity to see what’s really in his drink.
Of course Yoongi has nothing to hide. Even in the face of temptation he’s been able to keep from relapsing. He’s still in his feelings a bit about Hyeri not posting the picture of them right away though. He watches Hyeri go up to the bar where she orders another martini and a coffee “Yoongi’s way”. He watches as someone approaches taking her attention while the bartender prepares the drinks. He has no idea what’s being said but at one point she pulls out her phone and snaps a selfie with the guy who is a songwriter who’s friends with Hobi, but Yoongi doesn’t know him very well. He watches as she taps at her phone a bit before realizing the drinks are ready, putting her phone away, and grabbing the drinks to head back to Yoongi.
Before handing Yoongi his drink, Hyeri stands in front of him to take a sip of his coffee. She once again hates that she missed watching the bartender prepare the drink but at least she can just taste for herself.
“Holy shit!” She exclaims the moment the caffeine hits her tongue and travels through her blood stream. “This is what you’ve been drinking?”
“Yeah, why?” He asks uncertain why she’s reacting that way.
“I feel like that one sip is enough to keep me up for weeks! No wonder you’re so jittery!” She says handing him the cup and sitting down.
“Jittery?” He asks tilting his head. He hadn’t realized he was jittery, only nervous about her reaction to the album. Maybe a little unnerved over a selfie, but he’s not going to admit that. “I’m not jittery.”
“You are,” she says with some concern. “You said it was just a few extra shots of espresso but that tastes like enough espresso to fuel an army. That can’t be good for you.”
“I’m fine,” he tries to convince her. “It’s just to get me through these long days. You know how tiring comeback time is.”
“Hey, Min Yoongi!” Their conversation is interrupted by a couple of Yoongi’s producer friends.
“Hey!” Yoongi smiles standing to greet them.
Hyeri watches as the three begin chatting while paying especially close attention to the way Yoongi drinks his coffee. Between speaking he takes multiple large gulps and for some reason it makes Hyeri’s stomach feel upset. After a few minutes she quietly slips away to chat with others in attendance that she knows. It’s much better than sitting by awkwardly as the man-no-one-knows-she’s-dating is having a chat with his buddies and drinking enough caffeine to send him around the world 7000 times in 60 seconds.
The two don’t see much more of each other the rest of the night. Yoongi kept getting pulled in different directions and Hyeri opted to stay low key and out of the way. They were only able to find each other again close to the end of the night when more and more people began saying their goodbyes and heading home. Hyeri only wanted to let him know that she was going to head home and say goodbye to the rest of the guys. She hugged them all, chatted a bit more with Namjoon, then faced Yoongi who she knew would try to persuade her to stay. She’s much too tired so she quietly tells him she’ll see him at home.
Once the party is completely over the guys all leave in their shared vehicles they arrived in. Yoongi checks his phone during the ride and looks at all the posts from the night. Photos from all of their friends and comments from the fans wishing they were there. Then the buzz of a possible relationship being spotted at the party. Of course Yoongi can’t resist looking into it to make sure he and Hyeri hadn’t been noticed.
It all brings him to a post Hyeri made at the party. She posted a photo of the crowd, her drink, a few of herself, and the photos she took with Yoongi, Namjoon, and the producer she was talking with at the bar. He’s relieved to read the comments and see that the relationship talks were only people wishing for a relationship as they find them to be very cute together in the photo. Them not being Hyeri and Yoongi, but Hyeri and the producer.
It’s just talk. It happens all the time. People shipping others is usually just fun and games. Sometimes they even laugh about it, but Yoongi isn’t laughing. It’s silly, but he can’t help feeling some type of way about people seeming to like the producer as a cuter partner than him, her real partner.
Yoongi looks out the window at the passing roads and pouts the remainder of the way home.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 33: Coffee
[A/N: Well…I certainly never thought of a scooter…]
BTS comeback: D-13 days
The second set of teaser photos have been posted online. Yoongi is grinning from cheek to cheek as he reads the reactions to what people are calling a very sexy side of Bangtan. A sexy side that fans feel they’ve seen during the guys’ solo work, but never all 7 of them at once tempting even the softest of fans across the world. It’s amusing and gives Yoongi an extra boost in making sure this is the best comeback ever.
Hyeri is nearly done shooting her drama which has given her a bit more free time with her schedule starting to wind down. It will be a bit before the show premieres, so in the meantime she’s been enjoying a little rest before the promo tour begins.
On the contrary, Yoongi’s schedule is starting to pick up more. They’re constantly shooting content and when they’re not shooting content they’re shooting behind the scenes content. True free time is rare and of course never lines up with Hyeri’s free time, so once again they find themselves relying on sporadic texts and small handwritten notes of encouragement left on the fridge. It’s exhausting but a little caffeine boost and pure excitement is enough to power Yoongi through these long days.
Until his delectable limited time coffee is no longer available. He stopped by the coffee shop on his way to work and found a new latte written on the menu where his chocolaty addiction was once advertised. It’s a bit disappointing, and Yoongi hadn’t realized just how much he loved that drink until now when it’s gone. After a somber silence for his beloved beverage, he orders the latte hoping it’s at least a little satisfying. After taking the first sip he finds that maybe he doesn’t miss the other drink that much.
Three hours later, he absolutely misses his old drink. The latte is delicious, but it doesn’t give him the energy boost he needs to get through the day. So the following day he orders the latte with an added double shot of espresso. It powers him through a couple of interviews and dance practice, but the crash begins to hit him in the early evening when he feels he needs it most. The next day he comes prepared with an iced coffee to keep in the fridge and indulge in later when his morning triple espresso latte wears off. Not a perfect solution, but certainly better than making extra trips out for coffee.
The guys are scheduled to travel to a spot about an hour drive from Daegu to shoot the content for their next Season’s Greetings. With their comeback and tour quickly approaching, they had to squeeze the shoot in wherever they could before their schedules get even crazier. They’ll be spending 3 days and 2 nights in private accommodations near the shooting location and getting as much content captured and filmed as possible.
Yoongi is pumped because despite the busy shooting schedule, he’ll still be able to head into Daegu to see family on the last night. He made plans to have dinner at his parents’ house with his brother, sister in law, and 2 year old niece who he’s barely seen outside of a few short video calls with his brother.
Hyeri is happy that Yoongi is happy, and though she’s starting to have a hard time keeping up with his energy, she can’t help but be equally ecstatic about their comeback. She’s also happy that he’ll get to see his family. After all that’s happened she thinks maybe a trip home will be refreshing for him.
The guys take an early flight out to Daegu then load up in a luxury van for an hour long ride to a cozy house practically in the middle of nowhere. There are other houses in the distance, but far enough that even an open field between properties still gives a sense of total privacy. It’s no surprise to them that there aren’t 7 rooms in the house, so then begins the usual process of choosing room assignments.
The house has 3 bedrooms, two rooms with two double beds each and one room with a single king bed that 2 of them will share. The unluckiest of them will have the option of sleeping on the couch or squeezing themselves in bed with one of the others.
The game they agreed to play is the classic rock, paper, scissors with the last man standing having first pick at a bed. In the end, fate saw Namjoon and Taehyung sharing a room, Jimin and Jin sharing a room, Yoongi and Jungkook sharing the room with the king sized bed, and Hobi with his pick of the couch or sharing someone else’s bed. He chose the couch but stated that he would stuff himself between Jungkook and Yoongi if the couch got too uncomfortable. The rest of the guys are just happy they have their own beds.
They all get settled in then quickly head off to their first schedule of the day. They begin at a property with a large but cozy modern style building sitting on a few acres of space for various recreational activities and a trail circling the property. When they arrive they immediately begin getting their hair and makeup done and changing into the outfits picked out for them. They’ll be playing a series of ‘how well do you know the other members’ games, followed by another one of the staffs’ ideas to get them to openly express their love for each other on camera.
Once they’re done deep into the night, they’re taken back to their accommodations where the staff already has a dinner prepared for them. After a day of travel and shooting they only have the energy to eat and go straight to bed. They had to strongly convince Jungkook to eat because despite complaining of hunger all day, he just wanted to fall asleep once they returned. Yoongi sends Hyeri a message, only the second one after he let her know they landed safely earlier in the day. He gave a brief summary of his day and passed out next to an already snoring Jungkook as soon as he hit send.
The following day starts with an early photo shoot. Yoongi wanted coffee, he needed coffee, but had no time. The cheap coffee provided in the kitchen of the house wasn’t nearly as strong as he needs it to be. Unfortunately, they’re a bit too far removed from the nearest city so there isn’t a coffee shop conveniently located nearby to quench his fatigue. He pushes through the photo shoot as best he can, but by the time they move on to shooting their special episode of Run BTS he’s ready to scream, or pass out. Maybe both he isn’t sure.
The guys begin to notice Yoongi’s diminishing patience and energy and simply attribute it to lack of sleep. They’re all tired so it’s understandable. Yoongi just hopes seeing his family will give him a chance to relax a bit and eat some of his mom’s home cooking to recover.
He may have not had a chance to grab some coffee, but as soon as he makes the hour trip to his parents house and steps inside to the smell of the dinner his mother prepared he gets a natural boost of energy. That boost only becomes greater once his brother and sister in law arrive with his niece. Yoongi is completely smitten by his brother’s adorable little twin. He plays and giggles along with her while waiting for dinner to be ready. It’s a soft side of Yoongi that is so endearing that his brother takes a short video to send to Hyeri teasing her that it’s their turn now.
A little embarrassment and brotherly bickering ensues before Yoongi is quickly reminded that he’s still the youngest when he’s home and if his brother wants to embarrass him he has every right to do so. It’s a conversation that happens every time the brothers are together. Yoongi pouts and everyone else thinks it’s funny. Yoongi always vows to get dongsaeng justice one day, but it usually just results in him buying things for his brother that have Yoongi’s face all over the product. He let it be known that he will not stop until his brother’s house looks like a Suga shrine.
Their mom finally cuts into their teasing to call them all to the dinner table. As soon as Yoongi sits down he’s hit with the harsh reminder that he hasn’t told any of them about his struggles with alcohol. The only thing they know is that he was robbed in LA and the company’s legal team is taking care of all of the rumors being spread. They don’t know a thing about his drinking. They don’t know about he and Hyeri’s relationship issues. They don’t know he spent 2 months in the woods going through recovery so he wouldn’t lose everything and everyone he loves. And they definitely don’t know that the wine and soju on the table is making his chest tighten.
He quickly sits down and focuses his attention to his niece who’s in her high chair next to him. He knows he can’t avoid the subject completely. His family knows he usually likes to have a drink and would question him if he didn’t. When he asked his mom for water instead, that’s exactly what happened. All he could do was spit out the first excuse he could think of. He’s on a strict diet that doesn’t allow for alcohol. He claims he wants to be at his best for this comeback and tour and no one questioned him further. Sometimes being an idol makes it easy to come up with excuses to get out of anything when it comes to his family.
About midway through dinner Yoongi starts to feel drained. The energy it takes to resist pouring himself just one drink is too much for him mentally. He was ok at first, but balancing that with the chaos that comes with trying to get a hyper 2 year old to eat without fussing and throwing food, has his patience low and his irritability high. His parents have been asking him more and more questions that would require him to get into the many things of the past year that they don’t know. Especially when they mention how sick he had been looking before. His hope for rest and respite has gone out the window and now he’s just sitting there with just a thread of patience left and a fake smile that’s incredibly difficult to maintain. Seeing family is nice until it’s not.
After dinner Yoongi goes to his room where he usually stays when visiting. There his four-legged serotonin Holly is relaxing on his bed as usual. Holly has gotten less active as he’s gotten older so he spends a lot of time resting in Yoongi’s bed. Yoongi takes a moment to lay down and cuddle with Holly and try to bring his irritation down before he has to leave. He takes a quick photo of him and Holly then sends it to Hyeri with a message telling her how worn out he is.
As much as he wants to stay curled up in bed with Holly, he has to go back to his accommodations an hour away with the rest of the group. He sends a message to his manager to pick him up then rejoins the rest of his family until his manager arrives.
He plays with his niece some more searching for one more boost of energy from her contagious smile. Despite the food fight with her at dinner, she’s still the most precious little thing. So precious that his brother continues to capture photos and video of the moment. Unfortunately that brings up the subject of marriage and children.
Yoongi’s mom only asked if he and Hyeri had thought about having children. He simply responded by saying they hadn’t. Which is true, they’ve only barely talked about marriage, they certainly haven’t discussed children. Not only that but it’s hard enough as it is when they can’t even seem to agree on when and how to go public with their relationship to begin with. Thinking about it makes his jaw clinch, but his mother keeps talking. Playing with his niece isn’t saving him from the aggravation of hearing his mother’s desires for him to settle down and start a family. She asks more questions about the direction of he and Hyeri’s relationship and reminds him that he’s not getting younger and having a child at an old age wouldn’t be good. He isn’t even sure he wants children of his own, but he’s leaning towards not having any at all thanks to his mother talking nonstop about it.
His manager finally arrives to pick him up and he feels relieved, though still irritated. He says goodbye to everyone and takes off for his hour car ride. He sends Hyeri a text telling her he’s left and how his mother wouldn’t drop the children subject. Hyeri thinks it’s funny and tells him the video his brother sent her is cute. She encourages him saying she knows he’d be a great father.
That’s not what Yoongi wanted to hear right now.
[Hyeri]: Don’t you want one or two? You’re really good with Jin’s nephews. Why not?
[Yoongi]: Why are you and my mom trying to force it on me?
[Hyeri]: I’m not. I was just asking. I thought you liked kids
[Yoongi]: That doesn’t mean I want to be a dad! I don’t know why it’s so hard for you to leave it alone!
[Yoongi]: You don’t even want people to know we’re together, why are you even bringing up kids?
[Hyeri]: Sorry, I was just messing with you.
[Yoongi]: I’m really not in the mood.
[Hyeri]: I can see that. Try to get some rest.
[Yoongi]: That’s what I’ve been trying to do but everyone has been up my ass instead! My mom spent the whole night asking about you and my plans with you and I had to sit there and pretend like everything is ok when really I just want you to stop acting like you’re too ashamed to tell people we’re together!
[Hyeri]: That’s not it at all and you know it!
[Yoongi]: Then what is it??
[Hyeri]: Did you have anything to drink?
[Yoongi]: No, but I wish I did because you and my mom are stressing me the fuck out!
[Hyeri]: I know you’re tired so try to get some rest and I’ll see you when you get home tomorrow.
Hyeri slams her phone down on her nightstand and rolls over in the bed closing her eyes tight. She was only teasing him, but she had no idea he would react so negatively. She worries that his short fuse is because he had a drink while he was at his parents house. He mentioned he had to come up with an excuse so they wouldn’t question why he wasn’t having a drink, but what if he gave in at some point?
Yoongi is even more irritated as he watches the passing streetlights through the window. He realizes he may have overreacted with Hyeri, but he had simply reached his limit on the subject. He’s been increasingly annoyed all day and even more fatigued. He simply wanted to relax a little with his family, but he sees that’s a bit too much to ask. Hyeri picking up where his mom left off only made him think of the limbo they’ve been in regarding revealing their relationship.
He lets out a heavy sigh then squeezes his eyes shut trying to trap his frustration behind his eyelids.
“Are you ok?” His manager asks.
“Yeah,” Yoongi responds not opening his eyes. “Just tired.”
“I understand. Would you like a coffee before tomorrow’s flight? I know you all have an interview to go to right after landing.”
“Yeah,” he exhales with mild relief that he’ll at least have his boost of energy for the next day. “That would be perfect.”
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch 32: Insecure
BTS is getting deeper into their comeback preparations as the release date gets closer. With that also comes increased stress from everyone. It’s a time of their schedule getting gradually busier and their energy being constantly drained. Promo shoots and numerous interviews are stuffed between dance practices, meetings about merchandise, and now world tour preparations.
Yoongi feels like a lot is riding on this comeback. The guilt he carries towards Army regarding the last tour is great and he will do everything in his power to make it up to them. At the same time he owes it to his brothers and Hyeri that he can get through the tour without fucking everything up.
Hyeri is feeling positive about the way things are going between her and Yoongi. She’s gained a bit more trust and feels more and more optimistic about the future. Things between them continue to strengthen and Yoongi can feel it. Just knowing that Hyeri trusts him even a little more than before is more than enough to make him feel smitten like a school child. The only problem is this school child still has a few things to work on. Like his own trust issues and insecurities.
Hyeri’s drama shooting has been going great. It’s been a bit of a challenge, but she’s been acing every scene. The chemistry between her and her costar Na In-woo is better than anyone could have asked for. The director, writers and producers love their chemistry so much that they decide to make a slight change in the script to show just how strong their on screen relationship is.
“So you have to do what? With who? For what reason?” Yoongi asks Hyeri as they face each other across the dinner table. Yoongi got home early and made them a simple dinner of bulgogi and veggies. What he wasn’t expecting was Hyeri coming home to tell him the script change that was presented to her.
“It’s like the climax of the show,” Hyeri says, only repeating what the show runners told her.
“They can’t come up with anything that doesn’t involve you fucking your costar??”
“It’s not like we’re actually fucking,” she justifies.
“You’re going to be naked!” He pouts.
“That’s not the same as fucking,” she defends.
“Close enough.”
“Says the person who got his dick sucked in damn near every city on tour,” she huffs.
“That’s…ugh…Hyeri…” he stutters knowing he can’t counter that.
“What?” She challenges with furrowed brows.
“I just…ugh,” he huffs. “Why is it even necessary for them to add that to the script anyway? They can’t just suddenly decide you’re going to be naked.”
“I’m not even going to be fully naked,” she rolls her eyes. “The cameras aren’t going to show anything, it’s a tv drama not porn.”
“So why is the scene necessary??” He fusses. He never had a problem with Hyeri playing roles that involve her kissing her costars, but never once did he think about the possibility of her being asked to do a sex scene. Something in him isn’t quite prepared to see her being touched by someone else in ways that only he should be touching her, whether staged or otherwise.
“Because it is, Yoongi. Even if I try to explain why it’s necessary you’re still going to be upset about it.”
“So tell them no.”
“Are you not hearing a word I’m saying??” She’s starting to get aggravated by the conversation. She figured he’d be a bit apprehensive about the idea, but she didn’t think he’d push back this much.
“I hear you,” he defends. “I just don’t see how it’s fair for them to spring this on you in the middle of shooting. They should have said something from the beginning.”
“It doesn’t really matter now, I’m doing it anyway,” she says grabbing her empty plate and getting up to put it in the sink.
“No you’re not!” He says following behind her.
“Says who?!” She shouts. “This is my decision to make and I decided that I’m going to do it!”
“Why??”
“Because I want to!” She stomps. “It’s part of my job and I’m ok with doing it!”
“Fucking on screen is not part of your job!”
“Neither is fucking everyone on tour and getting robbed, but here we are!” She shouts throwing her hands up. She didn’t want to go there. She didn’t want to go anywhere this conversation-turned-argument has gone, but she can’t believe his audacity after all he’s put her through that wasn’t an act.
“So you’re just doing this to get back at me?” He huffs.
“No! For fucks sake Yoongi stop being so unreasonable! This isn’t about you! I’m not looking for revenge, because believe me if I were I would have done it long ago and it would have been much worse than me ACTING in an intimate scene.” She turns away from him and begins storming to the bedroom.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!” He asks following behind her.
“It means get over it,” she says trying to put the conversation to rest before she says anything else that could further ignite the flames blazing between them. It’s not easy though because while they’ve been working on trust issues, she’s not fully healed from his betrayals and she is very close to exploding in a way that would hurt him. She doesn’t want to hurt him, but she’s tired.
“Get over it? Hyeri what the fuck? I thought we agreed to discuss shit like this before you make decisions!”
“You have some fucking nerve, Min Yoongi!” Her last ounce of peace has gone out the window. “You are being a big fucking hypocrite right now! You sent me through hell and fucking back! Do you know how many times I stopped myself from going out for revenge? Do you know how many times I had the chance to go home with someone else but I didn’t because despite you not giving a shit about being faithful, I still chose to come home to the drunken cheater you were?! Now you want to make it seem like I’ve committed some huge fucking sin by doing this scene for my job because you’re too fucking insecure to handle it!”
Yoongi stands cemented in place by her words, he can’t say anything in response because she’s not wrong. He fucked up and he shouldn’t be so upset with this, but two wrongs don’t make a right and he feels she’s only doing this to get back at him. To him it’s like a low blow, and though justified, he still doesn’t like it. He’s also a bit upset that she can completely read right through him so easily and now he has to deal with his feelings of insecurity that he was hoping had subsided, though it’s clear it hasn’t.
“I’m going to sleep in the guest room,” Hyeri huffs grabbing her phone charger and storming out.
Yoongi lets out a heavy sigh and throws himself on the bed with a grunt of frustration. He feels like no matter what he says she’s going to use his cheating as a justification for anything she does that he doesn’t like.
Hyeri feels no matter what she says he’s not going to be ok with the scene until he deals with his insecurities himself. It’s not about getting back at him or trying to hurt him, it’s about work and she truly does not care about being in a sex scene. She made her boundaries clear to the film crew and they agreed to respect it. At the absolute most there may be a little cleavage visible, but other than that the most erotic thing about the scene would be in the sounds and movements she makes.
Since Yoongi wants to be completely unreasonable about things, she decides those sounds she’ll be making will be her best, most arousing, sounds of perfectly choreographed dry humping ever broadcast on prime time television.
Yoongi slept on it and woke the next morning not feeling much better about the situation. There’s not much he can do though because he knows he’s not going to change her mind, and she’ll bring up his insecurity again if he tries to fight it again. He also knows that he’s not entirely in the right. This is her work and he knows she’s great at it no matter what role she plays, but fuck seeing someone else touching her like that. What if she likes it? Maybe too much? Can he handle that being on screen for the world to see? He’s not sure, but still he tries to talk to Hyeri when he catches her in the morning before she leaves. He tried apologizing but she didn’t seem to want to hear anything he had to say. He gave her one final “I love you” as she grunted an “I love you too” through her teeth on the way out the door in response. Yeah, that hurts.
When he got to his studio, Yoongi spent about two hours stuck in his mind. He decided to send Hyeri a text attempting another apology. He simply let her know that he’s sorry for the way he reacted and he respects her decision to agree to do the scene, he just wishes she would have at least discussed it with him first. It took a few stressful hours before she responded to him also apologizing for not bringing it up to him before making her decision, but she also reiterated that it’s still her decision to make and he needs to realize what she does on screen has no bearing on their relationship. She feels better now than she did before because she just finished shooting the scene. She left everything she was feeling out on that set so that she could respond to Yoongi without any remaining animosity. He won’t be too happy when the scene airs, but she’s definitely feeling better right now.
The following day is filled with meetings for Yoongi and the guys. Hyeri was already asleep when he got home the night before and she was gone by the time he woke in the morning. They continued to text but haven’t had a face to face conversation since their argument, though he really wishes they had a chance to. Instead, he’s hoping his day of meetings will fly by and he can get home to catch her before she falls asleep.
Before their first meeting Hobi offers to bring everyone something to drink from the coffee shop. Nothing sucks the ever living life out of Yoongi like a day full of monotonous meetings, so he orders the same delicious cake-like coffee for a sweet boost to get through the day.
“You decided to get your own this time?” Jimin jokes once Hobi delivers the drinks to them in their meeting room.
“I just got it for later, I’m going to drink yours first,” Yoongi teases.
“You won’t!” Jimin playfully snaps.
“I feel like you just like that drink because it tastes like cake and you can cheat on your diet without cheating on your diet,” Taehyung says looking at Yoongi with suspicion.
“Yoongi doesn’t cheat with sweets, he cheats with noodles,” Jin chimes in.
“Why is this suddenly about me?” Yoongi chuckles turning red from the attention. “Aren’t we supposed to be talking about some BT21 rocks or something?”
“It’s TinyTan jewelry,” Jin laughs. “Do you not read anything on the calendar before showing up?”
“Can we get started?” Yoongi takes a sip of his coffee and slumps in his chair.
Everyone laughs and gives Yoongi a hard time for a few more minutes until the team of varying staff members arrive to discuss Tiny Tan merchandise. Yoongi is thankful for his coffee as the meeting progresses. He enjoys the creative process when it comes to merch, but a lot of that has already been done and they’re only fine tuning the little mundane details that usually puts him to sleep. The following meeting is a bit more interesting as they are getting the final look at their upcoming album. They get to see everything put together as it will be when the physical albums go out. They wanted to try a few new things with the goodies included in the album and everything seems to be looking great.
By late afternoon Yoongi is feeling an enormous boost of excitement with all of the comeback talk. The announcement will be going out the next day and that’s when things really start happening. The secret will no longer be so much of a secret and all of these preparations will finally be out for the world to see. Then the tour. Something Yoongi dreaded before, but now at this point in his healing he’s beyond ecstatic. He has to prove himself to everyone and even if he has moments of doubt, he’s at least confident in himself and how far he’s come. He’s so pumped that by the time he makes it to his final meeting that evening he’s on his third cup of coffee and ready to marathon his way though time just to get to their comeback day quicker.
What makes things even better is Yoongi getting home that night to see Hyeri there and still awake. She’s laying across the couch scrolling her phone when Yoongi notices her then runs to wrap his arms around her. She’s a little taken aback by his sudden love assault, but she enjoys it nonetheless.
“I take it you had a good day?” She asks returning his squeeze as best she can while pinned between his body and the couch.
“I’m just really excited!” He beams. “I’m ready for this comeback. I'm ready to perform. I'm just ready to do everything right this time."
"Right?"
"This is my comeback comeback," he giggles childishly. "I have a lot to prove to make up for the past and I'm feeling really good about it because I know I wont let the guys or our fans down, and most importantly I wont let you down." He gives her a barage of pecks on her lips as she giggles from his clearly caffiene fueled energy.
"Really? This is the most excited I've seen you in a while." It's cute to her, but also refreshing. Especally after the fight they had the other night.
"You think so?"
"Yeah," she replies. "I mean, you've been excited before, but it seems like a bit of a different excitement this time. It makes me excited too," she smiles.
"You should be, because I'm going to steal your heart and blow you away," he laughs.
"What?" She laughs.
"I had coffee."
"Really?" She says sarcastically. "You don't say. Did those meetings bore you that much?"
"Yes," he laughs. "It is what it is. It just got me excited for our comeback. The announcement is going out at midnight so I want to check online to see how everyone reacts. I really hope they like everything we've put together for this album and tour."
"I'm sure they will," she assures him. "But I'm starting to lose the feeling in my legs." She pokes his shoulder to get him to ease some of his excited weight off of her.
“Right,” he laughs kissing her once more then sitting up next to her. “Are you going to be at our first show?”
“Yes,” she says sitting up. “I’m not going to miss it this time.”
“I’ll make sure it’s perfect for you,” he smiles.
He means that. Every practice he thinks of Hyeri watching him from within the crowd. He wants to make her proud for once after letting her down so much. This comeback has to be perfect.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 31: More Passion
Yoongi’s mid practice nap quickly became a source of teasing from the rest of the guys. Once they realized he was simply crashing from the previous day’s energy shot and not from something more serious, they laughed it off. There was quite a lot of laughing.
Thankfully everyone showed mercy and changed the following day’s practice to later in the day so Yoongi could catch up on his sleep more. Those few extra hours had him waking up feeling more refreshed than he’d felt in weeks. Though he’s not feeling 100% he’s feeling well enough to power through the day without issue.
The next day is a bit more low key. No dance practice, but Yoongi plans to be in his studio most of the day. Hyeri left early as usual so once Yoongi woke up he went straight to the studio. Its business as usual until early evening when he feels his energy running out. All in all he knows he hasn’t gotten near enough sleep to catch up on the snowballing deprivation that’s been building, but he still needs to get through a few more hours. Maybe more. He’s on a roll and can’t get himself to stop now, fatigue be damned.
He tries standing while working. Jumping while working. Doing squats while working. He even got on the floor and did a somersault. Everything he tried made no difference in giving him energy.
Another hour passes and he’s losing the battle. He thinks maybe he should try another energy shot, but this time only drink half or even a quarter of it so he won’t have another mishap that would give Jungkook a reason to keep making snoring sounds around him. He decides to go to the nearest convenience store to get himself his concentrated boost of energy and also walk a little of that tiredness off. Or perhaps he could try a normal energy drink. He’s not the biggest consumer of carbonated beverages, but he’ll try anything right now.
On his way out, Yoongi thinks about the coffee shop and the drink Jimin had which was very delicious. Perhaps a cup of delicious coffee would be a less intense and much better tasting boost than the cough syrup-like energy shot. So he changes his mind and takes a detour to the coffee shop instead. There are many options to choose from and many seem tempting, but he can’t resist the pull of the sweet caffeinated goodness that’s only around for a limited time. He figures he may as well get it before it’s gone. One sip of the drink gives him an almost immediately noticeable shock of electricity. By the time he’s back in his studio he already feels better than ever off of just a few sips.
His cup of cake-like coffee powers him through a couple more hours until he hears someone trying to enter his studio using the key pad. Few people know the code to enter the Genius Lab, and those who know it typically knock or give some sort of heads up before walking right in. That puts Yoongi on edge with his heart pounding out of his chest for reasons he isn’t even sure of. Then the door opens and he sees Hyeri step in with a big smile and a bag of corn chips. Few people know the code to his studio, and Hyeri is one of them. The possibility of her showing up never even crossed his mind since she hadn’t been to the building since she left the company.
“What are you doing here?” He asks mirroring her smile.
“I miss you,” Hyeri says making herself comfortable on his couch as she always used to do. “And I wanted something to snack on.”
“How did you get in the building though?” He asks sitting next to her, reminiscent of how many nights between them would go in the early days of their relationship.
“You think they hate me that much they wouldn’t let me in the building?” She jokes.
“You don’t even have a badge to get this far alone,” he laughs.
“I guess it’s a good thing Namjoon got me a special guest badge.” She shoots him a big grin and pops open the bag of corn chips.
“You little sneak,” he chuckles stealing a chip. “When did that happen?”
“It happened when you were the one being a little sneak.” She raises her brow daring him to have a retort.
“Fair enough,” he nods.
“It’s only for emergencies, you know,” she justifies. “I was afraid you’d be dead in your studio one day, I just wanted to make sure I could get to you if I needed to.”
“I understand,” he says somberly. “I hate that I made you feel like you needed to do all of that. I can’t apologize enough for everything.”
“I know, babe. We’re going in the right direction though,” she smiles with optimism. “Honestly on my way over I was afraid that I would catch you drinking again if I just showed up out of the blue. I actually feel a lot better right now because I don’t see or smell any alcohol, just…coffee?” She questions.
“Yeah,” he chuckles. “I was starting to crash earlier so I just wanted a small pick me up. Small. So I went with coffee instead of the energy shot this time.”
“A caffeinated americano?”
“Actually it’s a limited time drink from the coffee shop. I tried some of Jimin’s the other day and it was really good so I decided to take my chances with that instead of the 48 hour energy shot I had.”
“Look at you learning from your mistakes,” she jokes.
“I’m still pretty buzzed, but not so much that I’m not having fun,” he laughs.
“So you’re having fun right now?” She asks with a cheeky smile.
“Of course! You’re here so now I’m having the best time.”
“I can’t believe after 3 and a half years you still use those cheesy lines on me,” she teases.
“I can’t believe after 3 and a half years these lines still work on you.” His caffeinated smile making her blush. “You make it so easy.”
“I’m not easy,” she playfully huffs.
“Oh really?” He leans in closer to her face, “is that why you’re so red right now?”
“Don’t look at me,” she says turning away from him.
“I like looking at you,” he places his finger on her chin and brings her eyes back to his. “You’re too cute.” He kisses her lips softly. “And irresistible.” He kisses her again. “And you taste like corn chips,” he giggles.
“You taste like chocolate cake,” she smiles. This time she kisses him lingering a second longer to get a good taste of the sweet chocolaty coffee on his lips. “My favorite.”
“Have some more,” he whispers.
Hyeri looks at him with a brief pause. This moment has her chest swelling with a powerful electrical current. He’s sweet and gentle. Warm and passionate. She wasn’t sure what to expect when she decided to show up out of the blue. She half expected to be disappointed at the sight of a liquor bottle or the smell of a heavy binge on his breath. Instead she kisses him again to confirm that the only thing on his breath is sweet caffeine that spreads its energizing effect to her.
“I love you,” she says softly. “You’re so sweet and…sober.”
“Of course I am,” he says kissing her again. “I made a promise to you and I plan to keep it. I’m not going to disappoint you again, my love.”
He goes in for another kiss that triggers her hands to slide up his chest and wrap around his neck. Her half empty bag of corn chips finds its way to the floor and her legs find their way across Yoongi’s lap. Before she realizes it, her back is flat on the couch and she can feel Yoongi’s heart rapidly pounding against her chest.
“Are you nervous?” She asks softly.
“No,” he says into her mouth. “I’m just so fucking happy with you.” He kisses her tenderly which makes his heart pound even harder. His hands travel along her body as her warm breath embraces his soul.
They could be on a stage in front of thousands of people right now and neither of them would care because they are the only ones on this planet in this moment. At a time when Yoongi’s hands sliding under her shirt would typically give her chills, it instead sends a burning flame through her veins. Her need is strong and her want is rabid. He tastes so sweet, so fucking sober, so warm, so everything-she-ever-loved-about-him.
What a rollercoaster he sends her on, but she can’t deny how much she loves the thrill of staring at the sky as she climbs that first hill of being undressed by his warm hands. The anticipation that builds in her chest when she knows what’s about to happen but the sight of him revealing himself, his entire self, still causes her to hold her breath.
Reaching the peak of the first hill comes with the feeling of his breath humming against every inch of her skin until he reaches her agape lips. She can feel him pressing against her entrance and the suspense is rendering her speechless. He gives her a soft kiss against her lips that gives her the weightless pause that comes right before the ride takes its first descent into adrenaline boosting chaos.
The adrenaline shoots through her as quick as his hips can snap into her pelvis. His thrust sucks the oxygen out of her and replaces it with pure ecstasy. The connection of their bodies ignites an aggressive love that powers Yoongi in and out of her with desperate vigor. Desperate to apologize. Desperate to earn her trust again. Desperate to make her believe he’ll never hurt her again. Desperate to feel her love the way he once had before he had ever fucked things up.
“Yoongi,” Hyeri gasps. If he keeps at this pace she’s afraid she may not be able to hold on much longer, and the only thing she wants to do right now is hold on for much longer. “Yoon-“
Yoongi swallows her voice with a heavy kiss. His hips don’t miss a beat and his tongue robs her of the ability to speak. He’s not interested in showing her mercy. If he’s going to give her all of his love then he will do just that. He can’t stop and he won’t stop until his world has felt all of his love.
“Babe,” Hyeri whimpers digging her nails into his back.
“I love you,” he growls.
“Babe,” she repeats at a higher pitch.
“I love you so much.”
“Yoo-” Her voice cracks as her back arches and her nails dig deeper into him. “Fuck.”
“I love you, Na Hyeri.”
“Fuck,” she whimpers once more. She tries but she can’t hold on any longer. He feels so good and satisfying to her.
“I love you,” his voice rumbles.
“I-” she exhales sharply letting herself go. “Love-“ she exhales again trying to maintain composure. “You,” she squeals letting herself go. Everything she has radiates out of her in an uncontrollable wave of pleasure from head to toe.
“Forever,” Yoongi pushes out through the knot in his throat. “Fucking…” his jaw clinches at the inevitable release that looms. “Forever,” he forces out just before burying his head in her neck and letting adrenaline carry him the rest of the way to his release.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
Previous chapter | Next chapter | Masterlist
Ch. 30: More Energy
Hyeri left early the following morning for her shoot where she’s meant to be on set until later in the evening, so in the meantime Yoongi is in the studio preparing for the group’s comeback as well as working on some solo music. His day started with a great boost of motivation and encouragement the second he opened his eyes and saw Hyeri still laying next to him. It truly does feel like the early days of their relationship again. He feels amazing and nothing can bring him down.
When Hyeri finishes shooting for the day she heads over to Haeun’s to get her things and likely face a barrage of questions before going back home to Yoongi. She prepares herself for Haeun’s interrogation then exits her car and carefully enters through the front door.
“Hyeri-ya!!!” Haeun yells the moment she notices Hyeri coming through the door. “Why are you here??”
“What do you mean?” Hyeri laughs.
“You were gone for two days! Get out of here!” She jokes waving her off.
“Calm down, unnie. I have to get my stuff.”
“Really? So you’re finally going back home?”
“Yes, since you’ve been so eager to get rid of me.”
“No,” Haeun jumps off the couch and takes Hyeri’s arm. “I just want you to be happy. Now tell me all about it.”
“I just came to get my things and go home and sleep,” Hyeri chuckles knowing she wasn’t going to get away with not telling Haeun about the last couple of days.
“That foot massager is mine until you give me details.” Haeun sits Hyeri down on the couch and eagerly awaits the details of the reconciliation she’d been dying for.
“How is that fair?” Hyeri laughs. “It was nothing major, we just talked it out and, I don’t know, I just felt like my heart wouldn’t be happy if I stayed away from him any longer. I miss him, but I don’t trust him. We’re going to work on it though and after some time we’ll hopefully be back to how we were before.”
“Finally!” Haeun jokes. “I don’t know why you didn’t stay there after Christmas.”
“I know, I should have,” she sighs. “I just kept second guessing myself. I never know if I’m making the right decision. I always seem to make bad ones.”
“It’s not that you make bad decisions, you just make quick decisions.” Haeun takes Hyeri’s hand and lightly squeezes it to show support. “You always get ahead of yourself and I think it’s great that you’re always so optimistic about everything, but I think you need to learn to slow down and give yourself time to process the things going on around you. You jump into things so fast then realize after the fact that you don’t know what you’re doing.”
“You think I do things too fast?”
“Hyeri.” Haeun shakes her head. “You moved in with Yoongi after only a few months of dating. Then not long after that he was gone. He wasn’t back home for a full year before he was gone again. When you think about it, you two have spent more time apart than together, but you told me you two talked about marriage? Things have been a disaster this last year, you said so yourself. How could you be thinking about marriage right now?”
Hyeri looks at the floor in embarrassment. She knows Haeun is right, she’s always right, but it doesn’t make her feel any better. She knows she’s moved fast with Yoongi, and if she’s learned anything in the last year, it’s that jumping into things without resolving others will only cause more problems later on.
“Don’t marry him, Hyeri,” Haeun says.
“What?” Hyeri tilts her head.
“I mean, not so soon,” Haeun clarifies. “It’s not that I don’t think you should marry him if you feel that’s what your heart wants, but I want to make sure you don’t rush into it. Marriage is a big thing, just take whatever time you need to make sure you’re ok with everything else first.”
Hyeri quietly nods. She knows Haeun is only looking out for her, but the harsh truth still stings a little. She isn’t exactly sure what the right pace is, all she knows is she just wants to be able to trust Yoongi again.
When Hyeri arrives home Yoongi is already washed up and in bed scrolling his phone. He looks up at her with his big smile and she starts to realize that maybe it’s that signature gummy smile of his that always makes her want to make such quick decisions. Or perhaps it’s the way he jumps out of bed to take her things and gets them all unpacked and put away that makes her second guess her second guessing. The way she feels so warm and safe in his arms as he holds her until she falls asleep that makes her feel like being with him is a no brainer. The breakfast he woke up extra early to make her in the morning is pure husband material, how could she not want to spend the rest of her life with him? The sweet kiss and encouragement he gives her on her way out the door gives her a great boost of confidence and energy to get through the day. An article she came across during one of her breaks where an unethical so-called journalist did an interview with Chelsea from prison for the sole purpose of getting dirt on Yoongi, drops her right back down from her cloud.
“I guess everything can’t be perfect,” she sighs to herself before returning to set for her next scene.
While Hyeri is only annoyed by the article, Yoongi is near livid. He found out once he made it to the studio and hasn’t stopped seething since. That one night with Chelsea was nothing and she didn’t know who he was which made her fuzzy on details since she wasn’t too interested in anything other than what she could steal. However, that’s only a small bit of relief compared to the amount of rage he’s feeling when he reads that she talked about how terribly drunk he was that night and how he could hardly “get it up” when she claims she tried to be intimate with him. Things started to finally calm down after the drug rumors and now he has to deal with this. The good thing is that the company’s legal team is already on it and trying to get the site to take the article down, but the damage has already been done. Talk of Yoongi’s alcoholism is quietly surfacing and if those few comments are picked up by many more people then soon those whispers will be a loud roar.
Yoongi spends more time spinning anxiously in his chair than he does doing any real work. Every time he tries to get himself to work on something he’s pulled back to his phone to see if anyone else is talking about his alcoholism. The only thing that pulls him away is dance rehearsal later that afternoon.
Of course the rest of the guys already know. As soon as Yoongi enters the practice room he can feel it in the atmosphere that everyone knows. He isn’t sure if he should play dumb to avoid the topic and get everyone to lighten up, or if he should just rip the bandaid off and address it right away. But just then he gets a text from Hyeri with a photo of a cat that she said wandered on set and she’s asking if they can adopt it. That message alone is enough to make Yoongi’s decision. He’s going to play dumb because he’s already smiling like a fool at his phone and he doesn’t want to kill that joy he feels right now, even if he does have to say no to adopting the cat.
“You’re looking extra happy today,” Jin says. “Things with Hyeri must be improving.”
“Better than improving,” Yoongi smiles. “She moved back home.”
“Really?” Hobi smiles as everyone else’s faces light up.
“Yeah,” Yoongi boasts. He knew that would bring the mood up. “She stayed the night New Years and yesterday she moved her things back in.”
“That’s good to hear!” Namjoon says feeling relieved for more reasons than one. “Let’s get started then.”
They all begin practice as usual and things start off great with everyone thinking Yoongi hasn’t seen the article yet. However, about halfway through practice Yoongi starts to feel his anxiety creep up again. At first everyone thought he was always so eager to check his phone so he could text Hyeri, he was like that when they first started dating so it’s nothing new to them. Then they started to realize Yoongi wasn’t looking quite as happy as he was when he first arrived. He kept looking around wildly like he was being chased or something. Really he just kept thinking he could hear his phone going off, but every time it was just his mind playing tricks on him.
At the end of practice no one is sure what to say or do. That goofy smile he had when talking about Hyeri coming back home is now a pursed line across his face as he tries and fails to make himself appear unbothered.
“Hyung,” Jimin says walking up to Yoongi as everyone prepares to leave. “Do you want to grab a drink and maybe a snack at the coffee shop?”
“Me too!” Taehyung shouts bouncing up behind Yoongi.
“Well um…” Yoongi hesitates.
“I’ll drive,” Taehyung offers. “Come on!”
Without much of a chance to protest, Yoongi finds himself being dragged out of the room and out to Taehyung’s car. Halfway there he allows himself to relax and, if only for a short time, at least enjoy a cup of tea with his mischievous ‘95 brothers. It’s certainly better than wallowing in anxiety.
They arrive at a small coffee shop that they frequent very often when they have the chance. They always receive a warm welcome and a table to sit where they can have at least a little privacy from anyone who may recognize them. Yoongi orders a honey citrus tea which is one of his two usual drinks when he comes here. The other being a plain decaf americano. Taehyung chooses a passionfruit lemonade, while Jimin decides to try the limited time special which includes coffee, cocoa, caramel, white chocolate, and a hint of cinnamon. After they get their drinks, they go to their usual table and begin chatting.
“That smells like cake,” Taehyung says leaning close to Jimin. “Is it good?”
“Yeah,” Jimin says taking a sip. “Wanna try?”
“I don’t know,” Taehyung frowns knowing he likely won’t enjoy the drink with it having mostly coffee in it.
“Here.” Jimin hands his cup to Taehyung who immediately sniffs and inspects it closer.
“Just taste it,” Yoongi chuckles.
Taehyung takes a sip then flips through a range of facial expressions. “Not bad,” he says, though his mouth is twisted in a slight frown. “It tastes like cake, but it still tastes like coffee.”
“You just have to get used to it,” Jimin laughs.
“I don’t want to,” Taehyung quickly says while sliding the cup back to Jimin.
“Do you want to try it?” Jimin asks Yoongi.
“Sure,” Yoongi agrees. He grabs the cup then takes a small sip. Then another small sip. Then a slightly bigger sip.
“Ok ok that’s enough,” Jimin laughs reaching for his drink.
“No it’s not,” Yoongi jokes. He takes another gulp before finally handing the cup back over.
“You know you can order yourself one,” Jimin says protecting his cup.
“It’s good,” Yoongi says. “It tastes like one of those pastries they always give us when we’re in Europe.”
“And coffee,” Taehyung adds still frowning.
“Anyway,” Jimin says trying to move on to what he wanted to talk to Yoongi about in the first place. “So you and Hyeri are working things out?”
“Yeah,” Yoongi nods. “We’re going to take it slow, but we’re going in the right direction.”
“Is that why you couldn’t keep your eyes off of your phone?” Jimin knows the real reason but he’s hoping Yoongi will open up without him having to be so direct about it.
“Yeah,” Yoongi exhales. “Kind of. There’s just more bullshit that came up and I’m trying to make sure things don’t get out of hand. Again,” he admits.
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Jimin says. “But you know the company will take care of things.”
“I know, I just feel like this is going to be another setback for this comeback.”
“It’s not,” Taehyung assures. “We’re still on track.”
“Except for the release date being pushed back two weeks,” Yoongi responds feeling guilty. “Don’t think I didn’t notice how the date suddenly and quietly changed.”
“That wasn’t because of you,” Jimin says trying to make Yoongi feel a little better. “You know we had a lot of things happen, the date change was just so we can make sure everything is perfect when it’s released.”
“Right. I’ll keep that in mind when the date gets pushed again.” Yoongi takes a sip of his tea feeling unconvinced but appreciative of their attempt to make him feel better.
“We won’t need to push it back over some stuff a thief said,” Taehyung says. “The article is already down so don’t worry.”
Jimin stares daggers at Taehyung. He was hoping to continue acting as if none of them know about the article with Chelsea. If Yoongi wasn’t going to mention it directly then Jimin was simply going to go along with it. He only wanted Yoongi to open up about his feelings so he wouldn’t stew in it as he tends to do sometimes. It takes Taehyung a second before he realizes what he said and why he was getting a death stare from Jimin.
“You guys are terrible actors,” Yoongi says finishing off his tea. “Just say what you want to say, I’d rather you do that than pretend like nothing is going on and act all awkward around me.”
“Sorry, hyung,” Jimin apologizes. “Sometimes we just don’t know what will trigger you or not.”
“I’m fine,” Yoongi assures. “Just stop being weird.”
“That’s kind of hard for him,” Jimin points his head towards Taehyung who gives him a sharp look.
“You know what I mean,” Yoongi chuckles. “You don’t have to walk on eggshells around me, I’m not going to get mad or anything.”
“We don’t think you’ll get mad,” Taehyung says. “We just don’t want you to start drinking again.”
Taehyung’s confession sends a small pang through Yoongi’s chest. It hurts for him to see the look of concern and definite lack of trust in their faces. He knows just as he has to earn Hyeri’s trust back, he has to earn theirs too.
“I get it,” Yoongi says somberly. “I know I’ve fucked up a lot, but I’m in a much better place than I’ve ever been. You guys can be straight with me. Even if it is triggering, I know how to ask for help. I’m ok asking for help. I promise, I’m a different person than before.”
Jimin smiles feeling good to hear Yoongi say that. Taehyung’s face remains unchanged though inside he feels relieved as well. It’s the first time in a long time that they’ve felt like they could believe Yoongi and trust that he won’t clear out an entire cabinet worth of alcohol. The trust may not be back at 100% but it’s certainly improving and they can all feel that.
Later that night Hyeri gets home to find Yoongi in his familiar position laying in bed while scrolling his phone. By now the article has been taken down so he’s only keeping an eye on any chatter still going on about his alcoholism. In the grand scheme of things, the discussion about his addiction is quite minimal compared to all of the other talk going on currently. But one person talking about his very real struggle is already too many. Hyeri can tell his been slowly sinking into insanity, so she quickly washes up and joins him in bed. She puts his phone aside and simply holds him and rests her head on his chest.
That’s the thing. The foolproof method to melt his anxiety away. The love of his life holding him in her warm embrace. Without a word he knows she’s seen the article. He can tell she’s in her caring and cautious mode that she gets into whenever she knows he is or may be upset about something. There couldn’t have been a better time for her to come back home.
The following day everything is business as usual. Yoongi hasn’t seen much more about his alcoholism rumors and no one else has either. By late afternoon he finally feels much more at ease and is able to get through the remainder of his day.
The day after is filled with photoshoots and rehearsals. Much too much for Yoongi to remain worried about online chatter. He's trying his best to stay focused but later in the afternoon he feels himself losing energy. Hes struggling to keep up with the day's heavy schedule, so he decides to get himself a small energy drink. One that's meant to last 5-6 hours and is only a shot of tangy heavily concentrated caffiene. It's not his usual choice for energy, typically j-hope and the maknaes are filled with enough energy to rub off on him, but today he just needs a little more help.
Unfortunaely, there's a downside to a decaf coffee drinker suddenly drinking a high dose of caffiene. Yoongi is able to get through the rest of the day with high energy, and the night, and most of the next morning. He stayed in the studio until about 3 am waiting for the caffiene to wear off. Once he gave up on waiting, he finally went home still on a high he's not used to. When he arrives home, Hyeri is already up getting herself ready for another day on set. She has an early call and since Yoongi never arrived home before she fell asleep she assumed he'd be spending the whole night in his studio. Instead, she's surprised to see him walking into the room as she's getting dressed.
“You’re here late…or early?” She says raising a brow.
“I had one of those energy shots and it’s not wearing off,” Yoongi groans throwing himself on the bed.
“Why would you do that?” She laughs. “You were better off just getting a regular caffeinated americano.”
“I realize that now,” he chuckles bouncing back up to his feet. “I want to go to sleep but I can’t even stay in one spot for more than 5 minutes. I’ve been up almost 24 hours straight. That drink was only supposed to last 5 hours!”
“I wish I could help you, babe,” Hyeri says cupping his face in her hands. “But I have to go. Drink water and good luck.” She gives him a quick peck then turns to grab her bag and phone.
“Thanks, babe,” he says sarcastically. “I’ll remember those words when my heart explodes.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” she laughs. “I’ll see you later. I love you.”
“Love you too, even though you don’t care that my heart may explode,” he huffs playfully then gives her another quick kiss. She laughs shaking her head then heads out the door.
Yoongi tries his best to get himself to get just a little sleep. He doesn’t have much time before his day is to get started and he hasn’t even slept off the previous day. He lays in bed struggling until his alarm goes off. Four whole hours and he only managed about 10 minutes of sleep.
“Fuck,” he mumbles to himself. At this point he hopes that energy shot is able to continue carrying him through the rest of the day.
After a commercial shoot and another round of album jacket shooting, Yoongi finds himself fighting the inevitable crash. He thought that it would be easier to fight while at dance practice, but the moment they got a quick water break, he passed out. Right in the middle of the practice room floor.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
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Ch. 29: 00:00
Hyeri returns to Haeun’s place later Christmas night to see Haeun still hasn’t returned from spending the holiday with family. Hyeri goes into the guest room where she’s been staying during her time here and grabs a few of her things to take into the bathroom so she can wash up. The bathroom is just down the hall so her weak legs carry her to the shower where she stands motionless under the water once it’s reached the perfect temperature. Then she cries.
She never imagined this day would go the way it has. She expected Yoongi to cook her a meal and give her great gifts. She expected him to apologize to her every chance he got. She didn’t expect him to perform a song he had written for her. She didn’t expect any of the emotions that came surging out as he sang to her. There was no way she could say no to giving him another chance. She let everything out to him and she feels free now that she has. Yet for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to agree to return home.
Yoongi pleaded for her to stay, but something held her back. She told him she would give him another chance and that she really wanted to make things work, but something felt like going back home now would be taking too big of a step much too fast. Maybe it’s because these few weeks have given her a chance to not be distracted. She’s been able to focus more on shooting her series and less on what’s happening with Yoongi and who’s waiting outside their home with a camera. Though it’s not perfect, she can’t deny the degree of weight that had been lifted when she didn’t find herself dreading going home. She would get to Haeun’s place, shower, then get a decent sleep without laying awake for hours thinking of how she can’t trust the person she’s laying next to. She feels better rested when she gets to set and needs less coffee and makeup to mask her constant fatigue. This isn’t just for her relationship with Yoongi, she’s doing this for her series that she’s putting her everything into. For her career. For their future.
When Haeun returned home, Hyeri told her about everything Yoongi did for her including his emotional performance. “Hyeri-ya!” Haeun shouts after Hyeri said she agreed to give Yoongi another chance. “What the hell are you doing here then??” If things went well she can’t understand why Hyeri isn’t home with Yoongi instead of sitting on her couch with a glass of wine.
“I’m giving him another chance, but I told him I’m not going home yet,” Hyeri explains.
“Why? After all of that you still had the strength to get up and leave?”
“I’m not ready, unnie,” Hyeri pouts. “I just want things to be simple the way they were when we first started dating. You know how stressed I get about work, I don’t want to be stressed about my relationship on top of that. That day I left and the media saw me leaving made it so hard for me to focus the rest of the day. I don’t want to deal with that, especially if there are more things that come out about him. More…people.”
Haeun understands what Hyeri is saying, though she would have advised that Hyeri return home since it would be hard for them to see each other with their schedules. Hyeri knows it will be challenging, but they’ve navigated busy schedules when they first started dating and made it through. She just wants to go back to that for a while, when it was so simple.
The next day she spoke to Yoongi and he asked her to come home again. She explained to him her reasoning the way she explained it to Haeun. Yoongi understands and let Hyeri know he doesn’t want to do anything to make her feel forced or pressured. He still longs for her day and night though.
So they start slow. Texting between their busy schedules and a phone call before bed. Both of them preparing for their respective New Years festivities they’ve been slotted to attend, then Yoongi texting Hyeri goodnight after she fell asleep on the phone. Hyeri getting an unexpected free hour during the day and wanting to talk to Yoongi but that was the same hour he decided to take a nap in his studio therefore missing her call. By New Year’s Eve they’re relying on shared calendar updates and fan sightings to keep up with one another.
Hyeri is hosting a New Year’s Eve broadcast for one of Korea’s national TV stations, while Yoongi and the guys are performing at a New Year’s festival shortly before midnight to bring in the new year. Neither of them have been able to talk much since a few texts they managed to send to one another earlier in the day. The rest of the day has been a whirlwind of rehearsals, hair and makeup, socializing, then finally showtime.
The broadcast Hyeri is hosting is only set to last only half an hour after the final countdown of the year. With their performance leading right into the countdown, Yoongi hardly has time to catch his breath before the crowd is cheering and they’ve all crossed over into a new year. All 7 of the guys cheer and hug with an unspoken feeling of relief that somehow they managed to survive this tumultuous year. Everyone is healthy now and that’s all they could ask for.
As soon as Yoongi is able to steal a quick second, he immediately pulls his phone out to get a glimpse of Hyeri’s broadcast, even if for just a short minute. She’s wearing a sparkling blue knee length dress and a tiny silver top hat that matches the green one her co-host is wearing. She’s also wearing the beautifully shiny teardrop necklace Yoongi gave her. Seeing her wearing it while smiling at the camera makes his face light up with joy.
Just as quickly he was able to pull up the stream, he’s having to turn it off as he and the guys are pulled in another direction. Lots of cheers and interviews coming from all around until the party finally starts to wind down. The guys were invited to a private New Year’s after party being hosted by a producer and close friend of theirs. Lots of industry figures are set to be there, most of which are attending as a way to celebrate comfortably and privately without cameras around. The guys decide to go since it’s their friend and so they can relax for once before calling it a night and going home.
The atmosphere at the party is buzzing with electricity. It’s like a club with everyone dancing, chatting, and having drinks all around. The guys stick together for the most part making sure someone is at least near Yoongi at all times. They don’t want to police him, but they want to make sure they’re nearby for support. Yoongi appreciates it greatly. This is the first party he’s been to since he’s been clean, plus it’s New Year’s so drinks are flowing all around him, the added support is relieving.
Things start off great with all 7 of them socializing. While the rest of the guys have their pick at alcoholic drinks, Hobi decided to stay sober with Yoongi for the night. While everyone is having specially made cocktails, Hobi brings back alcohol free mocktails for them to sip on. It saves Yoongi from people unknowingly offering him a drink. Outside of the 7 of them, no one has any idea about Yoongi’s struggle with alcohol. This helps keep it that way.
Unfortunately, after his third mocktail Yoongi is starting to weaken. Looking at everyone around him enjoying the night with a good buzz is stirring up a little jealousy in him. He still has Hoseok next to him, but now his sober presence has lost its effectiveness. It’s New Year’s, why can’t he have one drink to celebrate?
As soon as the intrusive thoughts begin to grow, Yoongi whispers to Hobi that he’s starting to have a hard time. Hobi takes him to a back corner of the room and grabs a cup of water for him. Yoongi sips the water and takes a moment to breathe.
“I don’t think I can stay,” Yoongi says. “It’s starting to be too much.”
“It’s ok, hyung,” Hobi replies. He’s thankful that Yoongi is being honest about this and would much rather him head home than try to fight the urge silently. “If you’ve reached your limit it’s ok. You did good today.” Hobi’s smile shines brighter than the strobe lights blinking across the room.
“Thanks, Hoba,” Yoongi says forcing a smile. He appreciates the good job, but he feels like he’s not fully in the clear yet. He still has to make it out of the party, to his car, and home, without giving in to the whisper tickling the back of his neck that’s telling him it would be fine if he just has one drink to celebrate.
Yoongi stands and maps his route to the door in his mind. He tries to move quickly but it’s not easy with the place packed with so many people. After every step he’s having to swerve and dodge around people like he’s in a video game. When he finally makes it out the door he quickly walks across the parking lot towards his car. The faster he can get out of there and get home, the better.
“Yoongi!”
The voice behind him startles him and nearly sends him into shock until he turns around and sees Hyeri running between the parked cars to get to him.
“Hyeri?” He says catching her as she jumps into his arms. He isn’t sure why she’s suddenly running to him like this, but he’s not complaining. Her timing is perfect and warmth is calming.
Once Hyeri’s event ended she learned of this after party being held and decided to stop by after she learned that the guys would possibly be there. Yoongi would possibly be there. When she arrived she immediately saw Hobi who told her Yoongi had just left. Hoping she wasn’t too late, she ran back outside where she saw him across the few rows of cars. Running and jumping into his arms the way she did wasn’t planned but she felt something take over her legs and she couldn’t stop.
“I’m glad I caught you,” she says breathing a sigh of relief. “Hobi told me you had just left so I thought I was too late.”
“No,” he smiles giving her a light squeeze. “You’re right on time. Did you come here looking for me?”
“Well,” she looks up at him with a soft smile. “I wanted to make sure my first kiss of the year was with you, not on set with In-woo.” She lifts herself on her toes and links her lips with his.
How does this feel so brand new to him? They’ve kissed many times, but for some reason today means the most to him. No amount of fireworks can compare to the sparks lighting up between them. He thought he was about to crumble, but he once again finds safety in her impeccable timing. He wants to take advantage of this moment together.
“Do you have a little time?” He asks. “We don’t have to go anywhere or anything, we can just sit in my car and talk if you want.”
“Yeah,” she smiles. “I have time.”
Hyeri follows Yoongi to his car where they both instinctively get in the backseat. This isn’t the first time they’ve taken refuge in a car just for a moment alone, but it definitely takes them back to the early days of their relationship. There’s a nostalgia to the way they cuddle close to each other while remaining vigilant for anyone who may walk by and see them.
“I miss you,” Yoongi smiles with relief. “You have no idea how much I needed you right now.”
“You look like you need some sleep,” she says noticing the way he looks exhausted and distressed.
“I was having a hard time in there,” he admits. “I was fine at first, but then I don’t know what happened it just felt like the walls were suddenly closing in so I left.”
“You made the right choice,” she smiles. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks, babe.” He pulls her closer into his body feeling a sense of accomplishment from hearing her praise. “You look so beautiful.”
“Thanks,” she blushes. Even after 3 and a half years together she still gets shy whenever he compliments her.
“I guess you weren’t kidding when you said you wanted to start over from when we first started dating,” he jokes. “When did you get so shy around me?” He strokes her chin pulling an even bigger sheepish smile from her.
“I’m not,” she giggles.
“Really?” He giggles playfully mocking her and making her laugh.
“Hush.” She playfully pushes him then immediately leans back into his chest.
“If you say so,” he smiles kissing her forehead. Then he lifts her chin and kisses her lips. He feels like he’s being overcome by a strong current of pure comfort. Coming from what became a stressful challenge for him inside, this comfort feels ten times stronger in this moment.
Hyeri loves the feeling. The butterflies that flutter wildly within her gives her a rush she hasn’t felt in so long. She doesn’t want to get out of his car anytime soon, but it’s already nearly 3 am. Still, she stays attached to his lips with her arms clutching around his torso hoping time will be kind, but it’s not and Yoongi is aware of this too. Perhaps more than she does, he wants nothing more than to stay attached to her, especially after the mild panic he was experiencing right before she came running towards him.
“Hyeri,” he whispers almost freezing at the sight of her looking much too good to let go. “Come home with me.”
“Yoongi,” she starts. “You know-“
“I know,” he interrupts. “I’m not asking you to stay if you’re not ready, but just for tonight? Will you stay the night with me?”
“Just the night?”
“If you want,” he nods.
Hyeri feels so stupid suddenly. She thought Yoongi would beg and plead the way he did on Christmas, but ever since she explained her feelings and reasoning why she didn’t want to go home yet, he hasn’t tried to press her. Her initial thought was that he was asking her to come home to stay, but she should have known better than to think he would try pressuring her. She feels stupid for even doing this in the first place, of course she wants to stay the night with him. She wants to spend every night with him.
“Ok,” she smiles and nods. “Just for the night.”
Yoongi’s face lights up and he gives her another kiss. They both jump out of the car with Yoongi getting in the driver’s seat and Hyeri heading towards her car. The entire way home Yoongi can’t stop smiling. He’s filled with so much excitement to have Hyeri come home even if it’s just for one night. He made it through the night without having a drink and he’s getting to spend a little time with Hyeri, he couldn’t be happier right now.
When they arrive, Hyeri immediately goes to the bathroom to undress and get ready for bed. Out of pure habit she tosses her dress aside, throws on one of Yoongi’s t-shirts, and returns to him waiting for her in bed. They’ve both had a long and tiring day, so without saying much they cuddle close, kiss goodnight, then drift off to sleep under the blanket of each other’s arms.
When Yoongi wakes up the next day, Hyeri is still sleeping soundly next to him. All he can do is lay there a while and smile at a sight he’s missed for weeks. He isn’t sure if she’s missed him the way he’s missed her, but he hopes she stays home for good after this. It’s been quiet and lonely at home and seeing her things still there made him long for her more. He hasn’t felt so refreshed in the morning since she left, although right now it’s more like early afternoon. Regardless, he knows she loves waking up to a good meal, so he reluctantly slides out of bed to go to the kitchen and make brunch.
Things have been busy lately so Yoongi hasn’t done much cooking, but thankfully he always has some pork belly, eggs, and veggies on hand. He cooks everything up nicely just the way Hyeri likes, and as usual it summons her out of her sleep and into the kitchen.
“Morning,” she says shuffling up to him to see what he’s making.
“Afternoon,” he smiles. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good,” she smiles back. She’s not going to say how she hasn’t slept so good in a long time, but she’s certainly having a hard time convincing herself that she still needs a bit more time. “I think my body is starting to feel the effects of being on my feet all night though.”
“Sit,” he points to the chair. “Just relax.” He turns off the stove and plates his creation before placing it in front of her. He then grabs a couple of bottles of citrus tea out of the fridge and takes a seat next to her.
“Thanks,” she says taking a bite of pork belly.
The two indulge in a mostly quiet lunch, though it’s not awkward at all. They’ve had many silent meals because they’re just that comfortable with each other. They don’t always need to say anything to enjoy each other’s company, it’s a comfortable silence they didn’t realize they had missed so much.
After their meal they relocate to the couch where Yoongi begins massaging Hyeri’s feet as she lounges across the couch with her feet in his lap. It’s become a bit of a routine on the days they have free time together, Yoongi can always sense when Hyeri needs a massage on any part of her body and he spends the day trying to take her every ache away.
“I can’t believe I got you the best foot massager I could find yet I’m still massaging your feet by hand,” Yoongi jokes.
“No one is making you rub my feet,” Hyeri laughs.
“That’s true,” he says stopping his hand movements and moving her feet aside.
“Oh,” she pouts.
“Where’s your foot massager,” he teases almost melting at her adorable pout.
“Haeun is probably using it right now,” she laughs. Haeun has spent the better part of the last week trying to take the lavish piece of relaxation off of Hyeri’s hands. Hyeri agreed to let Haeun use it as rent payment for her time staying there but made it clear she was taking it when she leaves.
“Haeun?” Yoongi tilts his head with a brow raised.
“Yeah…..” she hesitates. Secret is out now, though part of her doesn’t even care anymore because she’s thinking she may stay home for good now. Maybe.
“You hate me that much that you didn’t want to tell me you were staying with your best friend?”
“It’s not that, I just…” Hyeri sits upright bringing her feet down to the floor. “I knew you would try to find me and at the time I left I didn’t want you to. I didn’t want to see or talk to you or think about you. When I saw all of the people outside with their cameras I was even more upset, especially since they got photos of me leaving and I just don’t want to have to deal with that right now. So no, I didn’t want you to know I was staying with Haeun. I didn’t want you, or the media, or any other crazy person trying to follow you find me and have my name thrown across the internet again. You did more than just betray my trust, Yoongi. You caused me a lot of hurt in so many ways and I don’t even know what I did to deserve it.”
“You didn’t,” he shakes his head. “You didn’t deserve anything I put you through and I’ll regret it til the day I die. I know this all started because I was upset with you, but you did absolutely nothing to deserve everything I did. I wasn’t myself, Hyeri, and I know that’s not an excuse, I just couldn’t get control of myself. If I hadn’t been so seriously fucked up all of the time I would have never cheated on you. Never in my right fucking mind would I have done that.”
“I believe you, but I still can’t trust you. I never once thought that you weren’t sorry for what you’ve done. When I first confronted you I thought you would lie straight to my face, but you told me the truth when you could’ve easily fed me any bullshit story.”
“I couldn’t lie to you,” he says. “That would have only made me feel worse…how did you know what the truth was?” He tilts his head and raises a brow in suspicion. “Did one of the guys tell you? It was Namjoon wasn’t it?”
“No,” she shakes her head. “You told me. That night Jin carried your drunk ass home, you kept talking and talking. You said a lot because you thought you were talking to Jin, but even after he left you didn’t even realize it was me you were talking to. I was so upset, and even more the next morning when I saw you. I was ready to leave that day if you were to lie to me. I was in the guest room that entire night mentally preparing myself to pack my shit and leave. Then you admitted everything to me and I wasn’t sure what to do. I was so sure you’d lie that I never thought of what to do next if you didn’t.”
Yoongi sits silently trying to recall any memory from the night of their end of tour dinner. The only thing he remembers is drinking that entire day and waking up with the worst hangover the next morning. He shakes his head hating the thought of how bad he was that night.
“It’s ok,” Hyeri assures. “I didn’t know what to do then, but I think I finally know what I want to do now.”
“What’s that?” Yoongi asks.
“I want to stay,” she admits.
“Stay?”
“Yeah,” she nods. “Rebuilding trust is going to take time, and I know it won’t be easy, but I still want to work on it. I want to stay and work through this with you.”
“Stay?” He asks again.
“I have to be on set early tomorrow, but I’ll get my things from Haeun’s place and come here after I’m done shooting.” She reaches up to stroke his cheek which pulls out his biggest gummy smile.
Yoongi feels like he’s been waiting his entire life to hear her say those words. Someone could come steal every single one of his possessions and it wouldn’t be able to wipe the smile off his face. He won’t fuck this up again.
Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.
Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC
Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS
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Ch. 28: The Last
Yoongi may not know where Hyeri is staying but he knows where she’s shooting. In the week since she’s been gone he’s sent her flowers twice, a basket of snacks, a coffee truck, and the cutest rainbow purse big enough to fit everything he knows she carries with her when she’s working. He’s also sent her texts daily expressing his love for her and how much he misses her. He tells her how his days are going, and at the end of each day he asks her to at least come home for Christmas. With the holiday coming up and still no response from her he’s afraid he may be spending it alone.
Hyeri has been wanting to respond to Yoongi but she hasn’t been able to bring herself to do so. The gifts are sweet and the coffee truck was perfect, but she still feels like she needs a bit more time. Between her loaded shooting schedule and her inability to find the words, she hasn’t said anything to him since she left.
Yoongi is thankful to have Minho to help him along while Hyeri is gone. He’s sure he would be buried 6 feet deep in insanity by now. He’s also found solace in their comeback schedule getting back on track. He and the guys have been busy and it keeps Yoongi from slipping deep into unhealthy thinking. Everything is great until he gets home at the end of the day and there’s nothing there. He feels like Hyeri’s scent is fading and that just makes the place feel even less like home.
There’s now only about a week left until Christmas and Hyeri still hasn’t said anything to Yoongi. Haeun has been scolding her daily because she knows it hurts Hyeri the longer she’s away from Yoongi. It definitely hurts Hyeri, but she’s not doing this to play some sadistic game of self torture, she’s doing it because she’s been scared into paralysis. A complete numbness that fools her into thinking she’s safe from feeling pain when in reality it’s cutting off the blood flow to a huge part of her that will shrivel up and die if she doesn’t take action soon enough. Hyeri is being fooled and hasn’t realized it yet. Haeun has.
Haeun’s methods of trying to get Hyeri to speak to Yoongi have been unsuccessful so far, so she gets a perfect idea while she and Hyeri are talking. They got into a conversation about shoes and Haeun boasting that she can do any dance in any type of shoes no matter how high or uncomfortable. Haeun has always been more of a sneakers type of person, but she knows Hyeri has an extensive collection of shoes, especially high heels. She takes this opportunity to make a bet with Hyeri; Hyeri will present her tallest most uncomfortable pair of heels and if Haeun can do a full routine in them she’ll grant whatever wish Hyeri wants.
The bet doesn’t matter to Haeun, but she gave Hyeri a reason to go home. She hopes just reentering their shared space may spark a bit of a fire in Hyeri to realize whether that’s a place she wants to return to or not. Haeun is convinced that Hyeri’s heart is with Yoongi and that’s where she should be, but Hyeri needs to realize that herself.
Just as Haeun wanted, Hyeri was hit with a wave of emotions when she returned home. She and Yoongi still know each other’s schedules through their shared calendar, so she chose to go at a time that she knew Yoongi would be away from home. As she heads toward the bedroom she can hear the shower running and her heart begins pounding.
What Hyeri didn’t know is that Yoongi’s schedule changed at the last minute. The guys were meant to be shooting an episode of Run BTS, but there was an electrical issue at the location they were meant to shoot at, so they rescheduled and the guys found themselves with the remainder of the day off. Yoongi hadn’t been home long, he and Jin stopped at a restaurant for lunch then both headed their separate ways. Yoongi got home and stepped in the shower to wash up, then found himself standing under the stream of water lost in thought.
He wishes Hyeri would speak to him. He just wants to know she’s doing ok. He wants to know how her days are going and if she’s eating well. He wants her back so bad. He feels like hes going mad as each day goes by. He can see her face when he walks into a room. He can hear her voice whispering to him at night. Even now he feels like he can see her quickly moving across the bathroom through the fogged glass shower door.
Hyeri peeked into the bathroom to see Yoongi’s fogged silhouette standing motionless under the water. She considered leaving and getting the shoes another time, but she didn’t want to have to try going through all of this again. She waited until she was convinced his eyes were closed and bolted through the bathroom straight to the closet. She knew which shoes she wanted to grab, now it’s just a matter of her finding the shoes in the dark since she can’t turn the light on for fear of being seen.
Yoongi’s eyes were not closed at all. His hallucination seemed a bit different than the other ghostlike sightings he’s been having in his head, it seemed a bit too real. He isn’t sure what he saw, but fearing that someone may have broken in, he goes defensive. He leaves the water running then quickly and quietly steps out of the shower. He wraps a towel around his waist and creeps toward the closet.
Hyeri can hardly see a thing so she tries to use her phone screen as a dim light to guide her. She knows the general area of where the shoes are, but she still has to sort through tons of shoeboxes to get to them. The first two boxes are a bust, the third is too but she sets it aside as a backup in case she doesn’t find the pair she’s actually looking for. Thankfully the 5th box has the pair she’s looking for. She quickly puts the other boxes back then grabs her haul and prepares to sprint her way back out. She turns towards the door then lets out a high pitched scream while dropping her phone and shoes at the shadow of a half naked Yoongi.
“Hyeri?” Yoongi says in disbelief. He turns the closet light on and confirms that he somehow managed to manifest her back home.
Hyeri can’t speak. The sight of a wet Yoongi wearing nothing but a towel that’s barely hanging on has her frozen solid. His loose dark curls hang in front of his face dripping an endless stream of water down his chest all the way to his belly button that sits just above his gray towel. She’s so stuck on his gorgeous body that she forgot where she was. Hell she doesn’t even know who she is right now.
“What are you doing?” Yoongi asks hoping the answer is anything along the lines of her coming back to stay.
“I-I um,” she sputters. “I’m-I just needed some shoes.” She quickly picks up her shoes and phone that she dropped.
“Oh,” Yoongi says disappointed. He can’t help but notice the shoes she has. They’re the one pair of shoes she has that gives her a height advantage over him. The shoes she’s only worn twice. With him. His chest aches at the thought of her wearing those shoes out with someone else. He needs to get her back.
“I’m going to go now,” Hyeri says trying to walk past Yoongi but he blocks her way. Her head is down and her eyes are on the floor. She can’t look at him without getting weak in the knees. She must resist.
“Hyeri, wait,” Yoongi says lifting her chin so their eyes can meet. “Talk to me, please. I don’t know what else I can say or do to get you to answer me, I just miss you so much. I love you and I’m so sorry for everything. Please come home. I just want to make it all up to you, baby. Anything you want I’ll do for you.”
“Yoongi,” she says softly. Her gaze goes back to the floor but she scans his entire body along the way. Why did she have to show up while he was in the shower?
“Please,” he begs. He cups her cheeks in his hands. “Christmas? If you don’t want to come back home, can you at least come for Christmas? I wanted to give you something.”
He looks like a sad puppy, and though Hyeri is trying to maintain the most stubborn levels of restraint, she can’t resist his pout.
“Ok,” she nods. “I’ll come for Christmas.”
It’s a small victory but it has Yoongi feeling pumped with optimism. Her agreement to at least spend Christmas with him spurs him into action to make sure what he gives her makes her want to stay. If he’s not working on anything with the group, then he’s working on her Christmas gift. He only has a week, but he has a lot of connections.
Haeun was happy to hear that Hyeri would be spending Christmas with Yoongi. Things are finally progressing and she hopes Hyeri will accept how she truly feels. Trust takes time to rebuild, but it can’t be done if she never speaks to him.
When the day came, Hyeri was nervous as she approached the front door of their apartment. She isn’t sure what to expect but she slowly opens the door and pokes her head in as if she were stepping into a stranger’s house. At first it almost looks like a stranger’s house. The entire place is decorated to look like a shimmering winter kingdom with the walls lined with sparkling garland, the light fixtures made to look like sparkling snowflakes floating through the sky. When she reaches the living room she sees that all of the furniture is gone and there only sits an all white grand piano in the middle of the room. There’s a vase of white roses atop the piano and the smell of something delicious coming from the kitchen.
“Hey,” Yoongi says coming out of the kitchen.
Hyeri turns and is taken by surprise by Yoongi dressed in an all white suit as if he’s about to go to the opera. She suddenly feels a bit underdressed in her light blue semi-casual dress.
“Hey,” she responds timidly.
“You look gorgeous,” he says walking towards her. He takes her hand making her blush from his missed touch. “I’m really glad you came. I know you still hate me, but I still wanted to give you the gifts I got for you, and if you want…I cooked too. Nothing fancy, just a little beef stew since it’s a bit cold out.”
“Yeah,” she nods already falling victim to the smell of his food. It’s late afternoon and she hasn’t eaten anything all day because she was so nervous about coming over.
“Great, it’s ready for you,” he smiles and guides her to the kitchen while still holding her hand that she hasn’t bothered to reclaim.
She takes a seat at the dining room table that he’s also decorated with a white tablecloth and more white roses. What used to be a more modern style black light fixture above the table has been switched out for a sparkling chandelier with crystal gems cascading down the entire fixture like icicles. She can tell he’s put in a lot of time and effort into this and she can’t figure out how he found the time or energy.
Yoongi serves her a bowl of stew and a glass of sparkling juice then has a seat across from her with his bowl and glass. Things start off quiet. Very quiet. Hyeri is trying to make it not seem so obvious that she’s enjoying the meal, but Yoongi knows her too well. He gets a boost of confidence seeing how quickly she’s eating.
“It’s ok,” he laughs. “I made plenty.”
“Right,” she blushes. “I just didn’t want to take too much of your time.” That’s a lie and she isn’t sure why she even said it. He’s no fool.
“Hyeri,” he says choosing to cut to the chase. “I know I’ve fucked up in the worst way and a day doesn’t go by when I don’t regret it. I love you so much. You know that. There’s no excuse that I can give to justify my cheating. There’s nothing I can say or do that will ever make up for that, but please give me the chance to prove to you that it will never happen again.”
Hyeri looks on while still shoveling spoonfuls of stew into her mouth. He looks pitiful. He also looks absolutely stunning. Why is he dressed in this white suit like he’s hosting a fancy holiday gala? She didn’t come here to give in to him, she came because he was begging her while he stood wet and naked in front of her.
Maybe she wants to give in a little. She told herself she would wait until New Year’s before giving in to him. She thought with her stressful schedule she would need that much time to feel confident in her decision to return home. She doesn’t fully trust herself to make the right choice. She’s made so many bad ones that she isn’t sure who she trusts least, Yoongi or herself. Regardless, she wants to give herself more time. What she will do now is let go of everything she’d been feeling these past few weeks.
She told him how painful it was to see people talking about being intimate with him when he’s only supposed to be with her. She had been trying to move forward from it, but then it was like it was being rubbed in her face. Like the world was taunting her for not knowing what he was doing. It’s humiliating to her and it made her question everything about their relationship. She doesn’t trust him and it hurts. She says a lot, but comes just short of saying whether she’ll return home of not.
Yoongi has exhausted every possible apology he could give. He feels like he has nothing left, so he tells her he wants to give her her gifts now. Everything he put together today is the last of everything he can give to get her to come back home. Everything else is up to her. He clears their bowls then returns with a few neatly wrapped presents. He places them in front of her and eagerly waits for her to open them up.
Hyeri starts with the smallest box. It looks like it’s possibly a necklace or bracelet. When she opens the box she’s surprised to see that it’s neither of those things. Instead there’s a heart shaped golden pocket watch with a small chain attached at the top. Engraved on the back is “until the end of time” in Yoongi’s handwriting. It’s sweet and a beautiful piece that makes Hyeri crack a small smile.
She sets the box aside and moves on to the largest box in front of her. It’s a tall rectangular box and when she opens it she reveals a pair of red thigh high boots. Ones she had fallen for after she saw them on a model during a fashion show she attended. As much as she loved the shoes, she felt like there was no way she would be able to pull off the look. Now she has a pair of her own that will be perfect during these colder months.
The next box isn’t as tall as her boots but a wider square box. Inside is an electric foot warmer and massager. One that’s top of the line with many features and functions to heal her aching feet after a long day on set. It’s something she’s wanted a long time but never got around to getting one for herself. Yoongi knew she had her eyes set on a foot massager so he got her the best one he could find.
Finally Hyeri picks up the last box. It’s only slightly bigger than the box with the pocket watch but it feels lighter. Inside is only a card with a handwritten letter from Yoongi.
For my love
I know things have been a rollercoaster
I’ve done things I regret
But when I’m with you I’m a better person
That I will never forget
As she continues to read on she realizes it’s not just a letter, but lyrics. She pauses and looks at Yoongi who’s still standing next to her. He holds his hand out inviting her to follow him.
Yoongi quietly takes Hyeri out to the living room where the grand piano awaits. He doesn’t say a word or make a sound which makes the silence seem so much louder to Hyeri. She stands by and watches him take a seat at the piano bench. He looks up at her a moment with a quiver in his eyes. His heart is beating out of his chest and he’s starting to sweat. There’s never been a performance that has made him so nervous in his life, but this one means the most.
He takes a deep breath and begins to play a light melody on the piano. This isn’t the same song he played her for her birthday. This song is completely new and makes Hyeri feel like she’s being swept away by a cloud. She instinctively closes her eyes and gently sways to the breezy sounds Yoongi is finessing out of the piano.
“For my love…” Yoongi begins singing.
Hyeri freezes at the sound of Yoongi’s voice ringing out. Writing a song for her is one thing, but she never expected him to start singing. He’s singing the lyrics written on the card he gifted her.
“I’ve done things I regret…”
Hyeri opens her eyes and watches Yoongi closely. She can see the emotion in his eyes. She can feel the rawness in his voice. His body sways more as he continues working the piano keys. What started as a gentle soft melody begins to gradually pick up intensity. Yoongi’s fingers hit the keys a little harder while his voice grows a little deeper.
“You’re the air I breathe…”
Hyeri can start to see him straining as if he were trying to hold back. The more he struggles, the harder he hits the keys. The melody grows louder and much more intense sending a rumble through Hyeri’s knees. The coarseness of his voice singing his love for her and vowing to be better brings tears to her eyes.
“I never thought I’d be worthy of your love…”
Yoongi’s voice cracks and he drops his head down trying to push himself to continue squeaking the words out of his throat as best he can. Hyeri can see how hard Yoongi is trying to keep it together but the more he tries the more his melody roars through her soul. Tears are running down his face but he continues singing through it all until he can’t anymore. His fingers keep moving but his throat is rendered void of sound. He leaves everything he has on those piano keys, everything he can give. All of his love, tears, and regrets carry the song to its final notes.
“I love you,” Yoongi whispers with his head still hanging down.
Hyeri tries to speak but nothing comes out. She can hardly see through the tears barreling out of her eyes. She sits on the piano bench next to Yoongi and cups his face in her hands. She wipes his wet cheeks with her thumbs trying to find the words to say to him. The song wasn’t just beautiful, it was powerful and emotional. She felt something that she can hardly explain through his song. She saw a Yoongi she’d never seen before.
“Yoongi,” she squeaks. “I love you so much. This is all so…how do I even deserve any of this?”
“You deserve more,” he says taking her hand from his cheek and holding on to it. “So much more for everything I put you through.”
“You make it so hard to love you,” she cries. “You hurt me so much then you make me feel like the only person in the world. You’ve got my mind and my heart so messed up, Yoongi.”
“Please,” he pleads nearing another wave of sobs. “Give me the chance to earn your trust back. I promise I will never hurt you like this again. I’m just asking for a chance, Hyeri.”
“Ok,” she whimpers with a nod.
Yoongi cracks a smile then pulls her into a tight hug. She returns his squeeze feeling like she was just freed from her shackles of numbness. She sat there and let everything go. The past few weeks she’d been crying her troubles to Haeun, she let them all out here on Yoongi’s chest. Everything she’s held in since the night he drunkenly admitted to cheating on her came through her fingers digging deep into his back. All of the lonely nights, stressful days, and anxious dreams burn their way up her throat into a loud cry that pierces Yoongi’s heart. He holds her tighter and kisses the top of her head. He felt her pain in that cry and he never wants to hear her cry like that again.
