My anxiety is fucking horrendous at the moment. There are a lot of good and fun things coming up but they all include significant changes to my usual routine which is really throwing me. Next week I fly interstate for a 3 day work conference and from there I'm flying home to NZ to work remotely for 5 weeks. I'll mostly be at mum's place but will see my brother and his fiance and my dad on the weekends. Then R will fly to NZ and we're all heading to Samoa for a week for my brother's wedding at the beginning of October. I return to Melbourne 7.5 weeks after I originally leave Melbourne.
I remember when I decided on all this I wasn't nervous at all and instead quite excited. And I'm still kinda excited; the conference should be fun/interesting and I'm really looking forward to seeing and spending time with my family. A trip to Samoa is exciting partly because we've never been before and also obviously because my little brother is getting married. But for someone who struggles on some days just o leave the house, this is now really feeling like a lot. TW: my eating also hasn't been particularly good lately making it difficult to do things like eat with others/eat out ... all situations that are likely to be common occurrences over the next couple of months.
To say I'm freaking out is an understatement. My heart is literally pounding in my chest right now as I type this and think about what the next couple of months are going to entail. Like yes I absolutely recognise that all this upcoming change centres around good and positive things but any change, even that which is supposed to be exciting, terrifies me and has me frozen in my tracks.
