you guys are so right, I should have added the best part
This meme ages like a fine wine every year that passes.
RMH

ellievsbear

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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
almost home

oozey mess
🪼
One Nice Bug Per Day

#extradirty
wallacepolsom
Misplaced Lens Cap
Xuebing Du
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taylor price
todays bird
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$LAYYYTER
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Product Placement

seen from United States
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seen from Türkiye

seen from Netherlands
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seen from Iraq
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@mithrils-hanger
you guys are so right, I should have added the best part
This meme ages like a fine wine every year that passes.
I mean this sincerely: the decor at Lucasfilm HQ is what I need for my own HOME. The juxtaposition of very tasteful Arts and Crafts decor and this fabulous solarium with that BUST OF MAUL is sending me.
(I took this picture — took it from the outside of the building; this is just super zoomed-in — when I was out there last year. It was a weekend, so nobody was working there, but I DID momentarily consider slipping a “hi from the crazy Snark Wars lady” note under the door. That or just an unhinged note made from magazine clippings that demanded more Obi-Wan Content, which I lowkey assume they’d figure was from me anyways. Buuuut, I ultimately decided to be Normal. Or at least sort of normal. As normal as a person whose husband knows to include a pass by Lucasfilm HQ on our way to other sightseeing is. 😂)
If The News Is Making You Physically Ill, Read This
I’ve just published what was intended to be a Snark Wars post for Thanksgiving weekend a little early.
So, if you are looking for a distraction today, please enjoy my very-long recap of The Star Wars Holiday Special: This Is Your Star Wars On Drugs.
Hey you know what’s fun? Having a reason to run this post again eight fucking years later.
My oldest child and I were chatting about Star Wars the other day and while looking at my dumb website he clicked on this recap. I ruefully laughed and was like “…yeah, if memory serves this is what I did with the day I’d preemptively taken off of work the day after the world fully fell apart”, and he was like “…uh huh. November 9th, 2016; yikes” and so yeah. Yep.
“obi-wan did not fear dying, but he resented dying unimpressively”
@kierkegarden
Obi Wan is a repressed swashbuckler
#look he’s been almost killed so many times you know he’d thought it all out#before he learned that Force Ghosting was a thing he probably had an extremely Extra death scene planned#(of course BECOMING A GHOST AND LEAVING NO CORPSE is pretty damn next-level Extra as well)#but yes his original plan probably involved a lot of swooshing and winking and dramatic declarations#and called for Anakin to cry and throw roses at his casket before his Official Jedi Roast#(OK fine he pretends he doesn’t want a big show at his funeral because Humble)#(but he KNOWS Anakin will totally be his Dramatic Grieving Widow)
this just makes me think of that au where anakin knew about the hardeen thing and had to fake a eulogy. obiwan would have so disappointed that actual anakin was just Silent and Full Of Rage. like he didn’t even try to fling himself onto the pyre, what the fuck, anakin. insert mustafar irony here
I know, I was thinking about that when I was writing those tags! Now I can’t stop giggling thinking about Obi-Wan in this scene:
Except instead of just a one-off question, he just keeps asking for more and more details, and Yoda and Mace are like “…?” until finally Obi-Wan is just Appalled.
Obi-Wan: Ah, I see. Anything…crazy and over-the-top and shockingly dramatic happen at it? Mace: Well, it was a funeral, you know. A lot of people were sad. The duchess of Mandalore was crying. Obi-Wan: Mmhmm. Just crying? Did she throw a martini into the fire or anything? Vow to never love another man? Threaten to give up her longstanding pacifism to strike down my assassin? Yoda: …no, did that she did not. A lovely card, to the Order she sent. Also, helped pay for the luncheon catering, she did. Mace: The potatoes were excellent. Yoda: [nods] Obi-Wan: [pretending not to be disappointed] Ah. Interesting. But, but Anakin! He must have been quite the spectacle. Crying, starting fights with people? He must have tried to throw himself in there with me, yes? Mace: [confused] He is quite upset, Master Kenobi. But it appears to be more a quiet rage. Obi-Wan: [in disbelief] A quiet…a quiet rage?! Anakin has never done anything quietly in his life! Surely he gave a eulogy that lasted for hours though? And made everyone uncomfortable with its personal information and explicit sexual content? Procured a gigantic floral arrangement that cost half the Order’s quarterly budget? Wrote my name in the sky? Yoda: [shakes head] Obi-Wan: But I DIED IN HIS ARMS! He’s ANAKIN SKYWALKER! He once made me throw an elaborate birthday party for his ship! WHAT KIND OF A FUNERAL WAS THIS!? You know what? Forget this undercover thing, where the hell is Anakin? This will not stand. Mace: No, wait – Obi-Wan: [already on holo-Skype] Anakin Skywalker, explain yourself. Anakin: [wiping his angst tears] M-master? Master! Oh, I’m so glad you’re not – Obi-Wan: NOT EVEN A FLORAL ARRANGEMENT. Anakin: Wh-what? You mean the funeral? Master, I was devastated, I wasn’t thinking – Obi-Wan: You’re damn right you weren’t!
Do you think Obi-Wan or Anakin have ANY idea how much gossip there is about both of them at the Temple?
LOL, what if there are Jedi Blind Columns like Celebrity Blinds but it's all Jedi talking about each other, and like half of them are about one or both of The Team. Anakin is OBSESSED with reading the posts every day, and he has absolutely no idea who they're about.
Obi-Wan: [bored, reading a book] Anakin, how can you stand to read that holonet rubbish? Anakin: [excitedly reading] Whoa, this says "Rumor has it THIS Master (who's known for his sexual escapades in the past) hasn't been seen on the town in months, fueling rumors that he's getting all he needs from his more-than-friends relationship with his best friend and notoriously clingy former Padawan." [gasps] Oh wow, this is SO juicy. I'm obsessed. Who could it be?? I can't think of any former Master-Padawan pairs who are that close...[walks over and sits next to Obi-Wan on the couch, immediately getting under a blanket with him] [staring starry-eyed at Obi-Wan while practically sitting in his lap] [obliviously] Who do you think it could be about, Master? Obi-Wan: [having several realizations at once] ...oh dear.
I also want to see the forum where all the Darksiders and bounty hunters etc talk about them
Ventress: so...you guys have met Skywalker and Kenobi, right? WHAT IS THEIR DEAL I'M SO CONFUSED. Cad Bane: What do you mean? They're married, aren't they? Hondo: My good friend General Kenobi got married and I wasn't invited???? 😨 Ventress: idk I don't think they're married, I do know Skywalker is so obsessed with Kenobi you can feel it in the damn Force, though. Maul: Pfft. He THINKS he's obsessed. HE IS AN AMATEUR. Ventress: I thought we kicked you out of this forum, Maul. 😡 Maul: MY SUSPENSION IS OVER. Grievous: I thought Jedi were forbidden from marrying. Count Dooku...can you shed some light here? Dooku: *sigh* No, they're not married, they're just idiots. Well, Skywalker is an idiot. Young Kenobi could do so much better. 😒 Cad Bane: Wait, I thought they had a kid??? One of the Nightsisters: No, I think that's just one of their padawans (???). Sidious: I wouldn't try to get between them regardless, though if any of you do manage to pull it off let me know. Force knows it's been making my Grand Scheme take FOREVER and it is extremely irritating. Skywalker barely leaves that insufferable fool's side. Ventress: Well shit. Guess I'll have to try and hook up with Vos instead, then.
A Date
[somewhat by request, continued from this] Anakin’s Force Ghost: Please? Obi-Wan’s Force Ghost: No. Anakin: I know I didn’t listen to myself, but I’d listen to you! Obi-Wan: [scoffs] Since when? Besides, I already had to face down that maniac twice, I’m not doing it again, thank you. Just let it be, Anakin. [goes back to reading a newspaper] Anakin: But I’ve found the perfect time for you to go back to. [gestures towards a portal] Obi-Wan: [looking into it] When’s this? Anakin: It’s my 21st birthday. Obi-Wan: Why then? Anakin: Well OK, see, I ran through a lot of different scenarios. If I send you too far back in time, I won’t ever get to be a Jedi, and I might not end up getting together with Padme… Luke: [piping up] I’d prefer a universe where I don’t cease to exist. Uh, kind of. Just, you know, in case that influences your decision at all. Anakin: …exactly, son. So we might not be able to save everyone, but we can minimize the damage. Which is why you should go back to this point in time. We’ve been having a party, your past self is just slightly tipsy, my past self is in a good mood, so we should both fairly easy to talk to. Obi-Wan: [sighing] What exactly am I supposed to get myself to do? Anakin: You know…reassure me, tell me I do a good job and all that crap. Maybe plant some seeds of doubt about Sidious while you’re at it. Obi-Wan: I did all of that. Repeatedly, Anakin. Anakin: Well, put some oomph into it this time, damn it! It’s my birthday, maybe give me a nice gift. Don’t be…you about it, though. And don’t seduce me. The Anakin back there isn’t ready for it yet. Obi-Wan: Excuse me?! Anakin: [shoving him into the portal] You can do this. I know you can. See you on the other side! [Ten Hours Later] Obi-Wan: [disheveled, walking through the portal] Anakin: Where the hell have you been? What happened to your hair? And your clothes?! Oh no. We hooked up, didn’t we?! Damn it Obi-Wan, I just needed you to talk to me! [sighs] I should have expected this, I mean, look at you. Look at me, for that matter. It was inevitable. [frantically flipping through his notes] …well, if I can stay married to Padme then Luke can continue to exist if we can work out some kind of arrangement…[furrows his brows]…or I guess we could just send you back again…if you can keep your pants on this time… Obi-Wan: [slumping into a chair] Anakin, I never even talked to you. Anakin: What?! Obi-Wan: Well, I went to convince my past self to talk to you, like you wanted me to, and…we ended up drinking. For a while. Anakin: [incredulous] You’ve been gone this whole time getting drunk with yourself? Obi-Wan: Past Obi-Wan had a lot of things he wanted to vent about! [groans, grabbing some aspirin] Also I might have made out with myself a little bit before I left. [winces] Anakin: [facepalming] The Force hates me… Obi-Wan: Well I was being so charming! I’d never been on the other end of that before; I was singularly difficult to resist! I can see why it always worked. Luke: Uh, guys? Looks like that portal’s sealed now. Anakin: Great. Just great. We’ve done nothing to fix the universe, except now you’ve canonically gone on a date with yourself, Obi-Wan. Congratulations. Obi-Wan: [sincerely] Thank you.
The funniest part about thinking about Old Obi-Wan and Anakin becoming adorable bickering old men together is that a lot of times the inclination is to assume Ahsoka will be like, their daughter who's forced to take care of them. But she's only 6 years younger than Anakin! I'm not 100% on how togruta aging works, but I'm so amused at the idea of Anakin being like "Snips we need you to come clean the house for us, I'm tired and Obi-Wan has a bad back" and she's like "I AM AN OLD WOMAN WITH ARTHRITIS ANAKIN, HIRE A MAID".
God, imagine a universe where there's no Skytwins and instead Ahsoka gets a padawan, and they get a padawan and so on. A bunch of baby Jedi grandkids.
Everyone's just like "it's your turn to take the Old Married Guys to the Room of 1000 Fountains and listen to that story about Cato Neimoidia for the 600th time" "no, it's yours, I spent LIFE DAY with them", and it has nothing to do with not respecting their service to the Republic or their Force powers, and EVERYTHING to do with how annoying they are.
Me: Wait. How much in dollars do you think £2.50 was in 2000? Husband: I dunno, something like 5 bucks? Me: Right! So this issue says it was £2.50 and then in teeeeeeny print along the side it says "Overseas £2.40". But this giant price tag sticker in the corner suggests that I purchased it for $6.75. I got FLEECED. I'm going to march right over to...[cracks up] Borders...which is out of business... Husband: And be like, "you overcharged me by almost TWO DOLLARS for this magazine 21 years ago, and you STILL went bankrupt." Me: Also the magazine in question has not published an issue since 2001, so clearly they weren't getting the financial boost from this, either.
Rey: OK, time to go through all that stuff I stole out of that tree. [picking up a VHS tape] “Get to Know The Jedi Order”. Hmm. Seems as good a place to start as any. [puts it into a tape player on the Falcon] Mace Windu: [walking in the Room of a Thousand Fountains] Hi. I’m Mace Windu, Jedi Master. Thank you for your purchase of this informative holo cassette tape about the Jedi Order. We’re glad you’ve taken an interest in learning more about our unique way of life. Many people wonder what life in our Temple is like. We invite you [awkwardly gestures] to join me and find out for yourself. [shot of the cafeteria] Mace: [voiceover] We begin our day like many beings: with a morning meal. It isn’t easy to meet the dietary needs of so many different species! Ahsoka: [eating a giant raw steak with her bare hands] Obi-Wan: [lost in thought, writing something on a datapad, surrounded by 15 empty cups of caf and drinking another one] Mace: [standing in the dojo while Anakin and Obi-Wan spar] For many Jedi, meditation, yoga, or even combat practice might be a part of their morning. But don’t worry – training sabers ensure that no one gets hurt. Anakin: [getting slapped in the ass with a training saber and giggling like an idiot] Ooh, that’s it! You’re mine! Mace: [looking uncomfortable, then forcing a smile] Yes, we have fun here. [Quinlan Vos and Jocasta Nu, standing in the Archives and animatedly arguing, unaware they’re on film] Mace: [voiceover] As perhaps the galaxy’s biggest family, camaraderie is a cornerstone of the Jedi Order. We often work together to help one another learn the ways of the Force, using materials from our famous Archives. Jocasta: The sign clearly states no food or drink in the archives, Master Vos! Quinlan: [mouth full, crumbs everywhere] I wasn’t eating anything! Jocasta: I can see you chewing! [reaches forward and tries to pry his mouth open] I’ll have you banned for life! Mace: [blocking them from the camera] Heh. Yes, we also often learn by engaging in spirited debate with one another. Shaak Ti: [off camera] We’ll cut this part later. Mace: [nods at the camera]
Mace: Our Order is fortunate to benefit from the wisdom of many Jedi elders. Master Yoda, our Grandmaster, is over 800 years old. Jedi often find solace in his gentle, tranquil presence and quiet dignity. Yoda: [in a room full of younglings, clearly teaching them how to launch themselves onto the ceiling] With more panache, young one! Sell the leap, you must! [a small child goes ricocheting around the room] Mace: [to someone off-camera] We should have rehearsed this more.
Mace: [in the Senate building] Many Jedi regularly interact with our important partners in the Senate, helping politicians across the galaxy maintain peace in their worlds. [turning to Bail Organa] Like my friend here, Senator Organa of Alderaan. Bail: [shaking his hand stiffly, over-rehearsed] Here’s to another great day of protecting democracy, Master Windu. [cheesy smile] Palpatine: [behind them, smirking at the camera as he walks by]
[exterior shot of the Temple at night] Mace: [walking down a hallway] A Jedi’s life requires absolute mental focus and physical fitness. So, you’ll often find us turning in early after a productive day for a good night’s sleep. Our hallowed halls, bustling and noisy during the day, are silent as our Jedi rest up. [Obi-Wan, inebriated, fumbling with his keys in the background] Obi-Wan: [exaggerated whisper] SHHHH AN’KIN. His, he’s, he’s doing the thing. The program. [snickering] Stop doing that. Anakin: [totally trashed, falling all over Obi-Wan] Who, who is? Who’s…what thing? [lowering his voice] You’ve got real nice hair… Mace: [to the camera, hastily] I, I hope you’ve enjoyed this chance to learn more about the Jedi…Jedi Order. [shoving Obi-Wan and Anakin into their quarters] Thank you for joining me, and may the Force be with you. [forces a final smile] [breaking character] For kriff’s sake, can we have one normal damned day around here? Force! Well, we’re out of money so that’ll have to be good enough, I guess. Don’t leave this last part in there.
[fade to black]
[credits roll]
Rey: [turning off the screen] …oh.
Favorite parts of Clone Wars [2003-2005]: Kenobi’s reaction
I feel like a lot of people say "The Left" when really they just mean "women" or even just "a woman"
did "The Left" call you a misogynistic creep, or did a random woman on the bus tell you to leave her alone
I was thinking about how funny it would be if, as I've joked before, Anakin was Extremely Online and spent a ton of time on an R2 Unit Hobbyist Forum or something. Like obviously Obi-Wan and Padme and Ahsoka etc all know he's super into tricking out his astromech, but they don't realize he's got this whole other life that no one else knows about and he's like, sneaking away to go to conventions and meetups. And on the flip side, none of his online friends know he's a Jedi, they just know him as radakin12345 or whatever. Maybe he gives them a fake "real" name when he meets his internet friends in person so that they won't be able to find out who he really is. (Everyone's always kind of concerned for his well-being because half the time when he finally joins them at the bar at the hotel they're all staying at for this year's con, he looks like he just came off of a battlefield, for God's sake.)
I felt like this would be humorous until I considered the aftermath of Anakin's fall, because maybe he just totally drops off the face of the universe then and stops responding to DMs and emails and his fanzine stops publishing new issues. All of his friends think he's either decided he hates them, or he's died, and they have no way to confirm anything one way or another. Like, somebody probably eventually starts a Radakin12345 Memorial Thread or something. 😢 But then I realized that I have no reason to suspect that Anakin wouldn't just keep right on posting even when he's Darth Vader (I mean, Artoo might be gone, but he's got a whole warehouse full of other droids to work on, and also this is an excellent way to keep an eye out for a particular blue astromech maybe showing up in buy/sell/trade threads.) So now the idea that a bunch of clueless internet nerds are, unbeknownst to them, friends with one of the most terrifying beings in the entirely galaxy is making me laugh.
(They all wonder why he suddenly decided not to come to any more in-person gatherings, though. Anakin claims the conventions have just gotten "too commercial" for his tastes. It used to be about the droid-building, man. 😂)
I see this and raise you Luke Skywalker in those forums, picking up tips and tricks from him because no other droid builder on the forums has been able to give him a straight answer about adapting the designs for sand
Radakin12345: First of all, wherever you are, move. Sand is evil. Second, you will need to follow these instructions....
I’m gonna yell about Vader Immortal again, because I love it and I’m like 80% of the way through it again.
Amazing things about this show/“experience”:
Walking around inside Dramatic Bullshit Manor. HOW DID STAR WARS KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED THIS. God, what a time to be alive. You just straight up wander around Anakin’s dumbass castle and press buttons on the walls and break shit and YOU CREEP AROUND INSIDE THE VENTS and hang out in his basement and just oh my GOD it’s so fun.
Being able to have the experience of standing on a ledge overlooking Heartbreak Lava River, feeling ways about things
Vader has a training dojo in his house? And it’s RIDICULOUS? And also there’s a lightsaber in there that is not not Kenobiesque? ALSO he has giant wall tapestries in the room that appear to be Heroic Images of the Jedi (I’m sure they’re not but whatever)??? It’s the ONLY room I’ve seen thus far that appears to have any kind of decor whatsoever, although we haven’t gotten to the room that I presume exists that’s full of oil paintings of Obi-Wan yet.
ANAKIN. For fuck’s sake. Do you wanna know what this idiot is up to? HMMM? Did you guess “trying to use Space Magic Bullshit to raise the dead, again, still”? Because that is what he’s doing. Again. Still.
He asks this dude he’s in cahoots with to leave the room at one point so that he can cry and scream about Padme by himself (while, delightfully, you spy on him.) (And laugh at him, if you’re me.)
What the fuck does Anakin think he’s going to get out of this? He’s going to create a Zombie Padme? And he thinks Zombie Padme would want ANYTHING to do with him once he’s raised her from the dead? Based on what?! WHAT ARE YOUR EXPECTATIONS HERE, SKYWALKER. Padme overlooked a LOT of your nonsense in her life, yes, but I feel like “be eternally undead and live in my dark castle with me, a Terrifying Murderous Cyborg, forever” is asking too much, even for her.
WHY IS ANAKIN’S HOUSE SO BIG, it’s seriously JUST SO ENORMOUS, why did Sidious let him SPEND SO MUCH MONEY ON THIS THING. If this is Vader’s house, what does SHEEV’S remote castle retreat look like???
Once you get to Vader’s basement, there’s an entire fucking ancient castle that is ALSO GIGANTIC. INSIDE THE BASEMENT.
Vader is legit creepy AS FUCK when you first see him. It’s intimidating since he gets right in your face and I’m on the shorter side of average and he really towers over me. It’s awesome and also kind of actually scary (but also I am a wimp, so. Don’t let this go to your head too much, Anakin.😄)
I haven’t even touched on the end of this episode, which is THE FUNNIEST, but I will wait until I have finished it again before yelling about it some more
@gffa us experiencing this dumbass show is maybe one of my favorite fandom moments ever 😂🩷
The Simpsons, Season 5, Episode 10: $pringfield (or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling)
Road Trip
[Obi-Wan, Anakin, and Ahsoka, traveling through space] Anakin: [piloting while drinking a soda through a straw] [still drinking] [runs out of soda] [still making loud drinking noises] Obi-Wan: [slight eyelid twitch] Ahsoka: [playing something on her phone] This…is really boring. Can we stop for a bathroom break? Anakin: There’s a refresher on the ship, Snips. Ahsoka: [dramatic sigh] I just wanted to get a change of scenery. This is taking forever! Obi-Wan: Now now, Ahsoka, patience is an essential element of being a Jedi. [sotto voce] How much longer do we have left, Anakin? It’s been ages. Shouldn’t we be home by now? Anakin: Not too much longer. [under his breath] About three days. Ahsoka: What?! Obi-Wan: Three days?! Anakin: Well I thought I’d discovered this great shortcut. That maybe turned out to be a hyperspace lane going in the opposite direction. And normally I would have noticed sooner but I kind of…fell asleep. Obi-Wan: Anakin! Ahsoka: [covering her face with a travel pillow] Oh my gods…three more days of this… Anakin: Well I’m sorry, but it sure seems like my former Master should have woken me up, except that the old man fell asleep earlier than I did! Obi-Wan: Oh, so this is my fault? You choosing an unapproved alternate route without telling anyone is on me? Ahsoka: [throws a candy wrapper at Anakin’s head] Anakin: Young lady, that is not model Padawan behavior! [takes another long, loud sip from his empty soda] Obi-Wan: [scowling at him] As if you’d know anything about model Padawan behavior. Anakin: [throws the candy wrapper at Obi-Wan] Obi-Wan: I feel my point is proven. Anakin: [pointedly takes another drink] Ahsoka: Oh my GODS, please STOP DRINKING THAT! Obi-Wan: [grabs it out of his hand and throws the can across the room] This! Bloody thing! Is empty! [all three of them yelling at each other] Mace: [popping up via holo-Skype] Kenobi, Skywalker, Padawan Tano: is everything all right? We expected you back by now. Do you need assistance? Anakin: [nodding] Oh, Master Windu, we’re fine. Just a little…uh… Obi-Wan: …traffic! Congestion. A very large…construction…project. Ahsoka: [nodding and smiling] My Masters have got it all figured out. Don’t you worry, Master Windu! We’ll be home soon!
fast doodle of a serious obi-wan’s alcohol problem :c
This is CRACKING ME UP and I couldn’t quite put my finger on why BUT THEN I REMEMBERED THIS PART OF THIS SNARK WARS RECAP I WROTE:
Obi-Wan really DID need a drink in this episode, you know.
But like if no one believed Obi-wan died? Anakin just nudges Obi-wan with his foot like "really? Gonna be dramatic over a single shot? Can you get up already so we can go back to dinner?" Ahsoka is comming Cody like "he got shot again" Cody cursing bc that means Waxer won the betting pool. Obi-wan just "ffs can't you just let me fake my death?" The council is very confused bc the force is radiating exasperation instead of rage and sadness and Obi-wan was due to report in hours ago.
Mace being like “Force damnit, looks like it’s back to the drawing board” while Yoda is like “TOLD YOU I DID, that no one would believe Master Kenobi’s death”.
The best part of this is that I think (or presume) they gave Obi-Wan some kind of chemical to make it appear for all intents and purposes that he was, in fact, dead, which makes this all even funnier.
Obi-Wan: [is not breathing, has no heartbeat, has been shot] Ahsoka: Oh very funny, Master Kenobi. Right. A blaster bolt killed you. Sure. Anakin: [slapping Obi-Wan’s face] Are you serious with this?! We’re supposed to be getting pizza right now. [sighs and kicks Obi-Wan’s Corpse in the leg] Kriff. I’m starving. [yelling into Obi-Wan’s ear] DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT HOW HUNGRY I AM BEFORE YOU DID THIS? HMM?? Ahsoka: [comming Cody, deeply annoyed] Commander, General Kenobi got shot again and is pretending he died for some reason. So I guess we’re gonna be late bringing the pizza back. Cody: [various profanities, the sound of several clones complaining in the background]