What are you looking for?
For the last decade, I’ve been through much of what we all go through at some point in our lives. True to what God has made me... I’ve dedicated myself; heart, mind, and body. Through forced separation, voluntary separation, and what seems like more recently permanent separation; my love never wavered. Honestly, I don’t think it ever will that’s the bond that has been since day one for me. I regret nothing! I sometimes think I wouldn’t change a thing! Was it painful? YES! Was it joyful? YES! More importantly… It was necessary. People who loved me and truly had my well-being at heart didn’t understand, some of you reading this message didn’t understand, I’ll let you in on a secret… I didn’t understand. Although, I saw clearly what was happening good and bad. I analyzed everything from the way the love was given to me, to others, to the way the hurt was boiling over, from the way nothing was ever good enough, to the passion that felt like God's divine purpose; and so on… Letting my spirit lead I continued in faith. What trips me out the most is when I say “I’m done” and God says; who says? Anyway, I was loved by this love in many ways. I was attacked by this love in many ways. Sometimes, I felt like the only person who mattered and other times I felt like I didn’t exist. Counting on people has never been my thing so I would mustard up the strength every day through whatever and remained prayerful through it all. What would JESUS do became my mantra? Then things changed; I don’t even remember when. When someone has demons within they have to show themselves in some way. It wasn’t about me or my demons, l put them in God's hands way before a decade ago. I remember the pain brought on by my past, my upbringing, my hard-headedness, and the things I had no control over. The memory never leaves you yet I’ve been able to press on without a revengeful or hateful heart…“But God”, thank you Lord for your peace. See when you’re able to stop focusing on your past pain, hurt, disappointment, fears, and whatever consumes you it gives you room to love and help those you love through their issues and enjoy life with them. Of course, we think we know what we want in this life and we maneuver our efforts in that direction. Then life happens, death happens, breakups happen, children happen, new adventures happen, people show you who they are; happen, and you meet friends, enemies, admirers, haters, supporters. Never think you know yourself or another person better than God cause the truth is... you know nothing but what He allows you to know and only He can chase down demons and change your heart and the hearts of humanity.So, what am I looking for? Not a damn thing… God’s got me and his peace is perfect. Judge not, that ye be not judged,"So, like my daughter would say: " Go mind the business that pays you" and let God deal with me... He's never failed me and His blood protects me, uplifts me, gracefully breaks me, and handles me with care.