[mjanmarino]

I want to die

[jspark3000]

Let’s talk about loneliness.

I’m not a therapist or doctor, but as a hospital chaplain, I’ve seen the terrible and awful effects of loneliness on mental health. The problem is that it’s tough to admit, almost embarrassing to say, “I’m hurting from loneliness.”

Loneliness is a double-bind in that in order to find comfort, it requires reaching out to people or for people to be near. But some of us have been alone so long, it’s unthinkable that we can connect with another human without risking rejection—which fuels more loneliness.

The unhelpful reply I hear to “I’m lonely” is “Why don’t you just make friends?” But that’s like saying, “Why don’t you just get rich?” or “Why can’t you just go to the gym?” We’re already in deficit, a lap behind, because we fear connection in proportion to how alone we feel.

It’s difficult to make friends and keep them. It’s hard to have real friendships that are not just functional transactions. Even when someone is surrounded by crowds or well connected, they may be the loneliest people on earth, because all their “friends” are transactional.

I don’t know the answer to loneliness. But I know what the answer is not: We can’t just snap out of it. We can’t just cure it with a party, a bar, a church, a dating app. It requires intentional investment and yes, the risk of rejection. The opposite of loneliness is courage.

Friends, this week may be lonely. This season can be brutal. They can remind you of all that’s missing. As trite as it sounds: You may feel lonely, but you are not alone. May you find the courage to reach out, to enter the possibilities of love in all its heaven and heartache.

— J.S.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“When someone is going through a storm, your silent presence is more powerful than a million empty words.”

— Thema Davis

[stephaniegraceofficial]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you find yourself noticing that you’re almost always the one who takes the initiative to reach out in your friendships and are contemplating stopping, just to see if anyone will reach out to you, don’t do it. I’m telling you, don’t. 

Don’t do it, especially if you plan on using the results of this experiment to determine once and for all whether anyone actually cares about you. 

I have a client who, in a session earlier this week, was telling me that she’s always the one to initiate with her friends and it doesn’t bother her. It used to, she said, until she realized that was silly because people show they care in all kinds of different ways. Now, when she wants to talk to or make plans with someone she just does it. And it’s always great. 

You know what a lot of my completely miserable clients have in common? They’ve done exactly what I told you not do up there. 

When you decide to find out whether anyone will reach out to you if you stop reaching out to them you will inevitably be disappointed. You believe that no one cares about you. And, depending on whether you tend to internalize or externalize, you will wither think that you’re inherently worthless and unlovable or that your supposed friends were actually selfish assholes. 

Don’t do it. Don’t turn yourself into a lonely, miserable recluse and your friends into villains. Don’t assume you’re unlovable. Don’t assume no one cares. Don’t assume a friendship in which you have to initiate isn’t real or worth having. Your friends aren’t awful, they’re just people who get busy and forgetful and sad and socially anxious and overwhelmed with what they have going on in their lives. Ask yourself: Is this friendship enjoyable? Does it fill me up and feel mutually edifying? Is this person there for me once I have reached out? 

If the answer’s yes, then cool. Don’t worry so much about the rest. 

[jspark3000]

[jspark3000]

If you try to make someone do something, you will crush them with expectations. Not even God does that. People need to decide for themselves what to do, without coercion or shaming or manipulation, or else they’re only doing it to get you quiet. They won’t ever know why, and it will never become a part of them. Making demands is an external apparatus that will chokehold the people you claim to love. But if you truly love them, by listening and investing and sharing and even liking them, this is the only sort of love that will tenderize a heart to seek better for itself. To shame is to lay down bricks to make a shape, but without a soul. To show grace will take longer, but it’s to plant a seed that pushes through the dirt into the air, towards a life that can breathe on its own. This is true empowerment.

[ryanmaherfaith]

Credit @biblesandcoffee

[jspark3000]

It’s so strange: there was a person I had a really hard time forgiving, but I only talked good about him behind his back until I sort of came to like him, and in the meantime, forgave him without hardly knowing.  Our words are so powerful, they can direct the entire course of the heart who speaks them. — J.S.

[copingdaily]

[beesonsaturn-blog]

copingdaily:

Helping loved ones who deal with anxiety/panic attacks, ptsd, or even just depression can be difficult, but here are some really great pointers.

(Source)

[enlistedjess-deactivated2017010]

This is great. My mother has severe depression and anxiety and I’ve often sat with her through panic attacks wondering how to help.

[mjanmarino]

Does hitting or knocking yourself on the head count as self harm? ]:

[mjanmarino]

Wow, I had nooo idea what was coming back then. Little did I know...

[jspark3000]

Pain is not a lesson. It doesn’t always serve a purpose. Not everything happens for a reason. Not for a good one, anyway. Sometimes the reason behind pain is because someone decided to cheat you, abuse you, run you down, push you around. Pain is pain. It’s the byproduct of a broken, fallen, unfair world. Too often, no good will ever come of it. There will be no silver lining, no bow-tie, no song at the end.

When someone tells me that “God is testing me” or “God is using this pain for my growth” or “This is God’s will”—no. I don’t believe in a God who does that sort of thing. I believe in a God who is just as mad as you are when it hurts. I believe in a God who weeps.

Some storms never pass. I don’t know why. We might know one day. Or not. I only know that if I lessonize your pain, I will lessen you as a human. So I will not moralize. I will not spiritualize. I will not advise or throw cliches. I will hurt with you, alongside. — J.S.

[jspark3000]

Earlier this year, I called the Suicide Lifeline. I was in pretty bad shape. My depression has been a lifelong street fight and it’s always been ugly. It’s not romantic or glamorous or poetic or anything like that; it’s the kind that makes people leave. But most of the time, nobody can tell I’m hurting just by talking to me. I tend to smile real big and laugh just as loud. Only in small quiet moments, when I‘m not “on,” not performing, there‘s a shadow across my face. A fog. I can pretend to be okay for a long time.

I’m glad I called the lifeline. I didn’t talk to anyone. The phone started ringing and I hung up. But it was enough to get me moving again. Even the possibility of human connection, sometimes, is enough.

There is a moment after crawling out of an episode of depression where I can hardly believe it happened. It seems silly, even. I think it’s because life is so filled with wonder and goodness, it’s hard to imagine giving it up. But when depression hits, it’s hard to imagine why I should go on.

I’m trying to hold on to that wonder and goodness. To remember there is a sun behind the fog. It’s a cheesy thing, I know. It’s also kept me alive. The dark always looms, encroaching, and I am afraid one day it will win. But I’m always glad I survived. I’ve been blessed and hopefully have blessed some. I am glad to know life today. By the grace of God, I am here. — J.S.

[jspark3000]

“The Christian is no longer tethered to results or recognition. When you remove the umbilical cord of self-validation and plug into the cosmic constancy of God, you’ll taste a reckless freedom and joy in all you do. You quit getting nervous on the other end. A good turn-out is a bonus and not a verdict. Talent is not the ceiling on success. Your past is not a time-stamp of the world’s critical eye. The God-given capacity to serve is its own reward. It isn’t for applause, but out of gratitude. And your excellence is not crafted for praise, but for its very own existence: just as God loves you, simply for existing. Can you imagine? You wouldn’t care how you look, what you lose, or what you can and can’t do. Such a person is fearless. You’d simply be you.At the feet of True Greatness, you find a humble strength to become who you always knew you could be.”

— J.S. Park

[jspark3000]

Don’t fix my pain. Don’t solve my shame. Don’t tell me it’s okay. You don’t have to know what to say. Nothing will do, so— Stay in the unresolved. Stay a while. Stay a while more. You don’t need all the right advice. You only need to be right here. Your advice is probably sound, but not as good as being around. To be, to sit, is what you’re here for. Here is enough. — J.S.

[mjanmarino]

Same place. Refreshed. The skies are still grey...

#greyskiesvol2 #starting

[jspark3000]

If your faith is making you a jerk, throw it out and start over. If your faith doesn’t examine yourself first, you’ll never be humble with others. It’s that simple. Scripture must move us to compassion, to comfort, to accountability, to be wildly kind. Otherwise, it’s not the life that Jesus had in mind.

[gosh]

by ZacharySnellenberger

[yourdailybibleverse]

I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13 (NLT)