hvnaa
going through the motions.
“i’ve met one of them so i won’t say i disagree with you on that. i’ve also heard enough about the other one to know i frown upon her even more so than your father.” hana didn’t want kenzie to think that she was taking it lightly; she knew the strains between her and her parents, kenzie had told her and she needed her to know one thing exactly. “i have your back. no matter what…i’m on your side, i’m your wife, i’m right beside you through life…nothing is more important than that.” hana wasn’t just brushing off kenzie’s concerns, her worries, her stresses when it came to her parents. she would never not take her word verbatim, at face value, and she would never push aside how kenzie felt when it came to her parents. she was right to feel the way that she did and it wasn’t something that hana would ever downplay. nevermind the tickets in her bag that would be flying them to la. there were reasons for that, and most of it had nothing to do with kenzie’s mother there, it had everything to do with mackenzie. it made her eyes burn when they had left the house and the pups there, salem and milo saying goodbye to them; they knew they would be well taken care of while they were gone. they’d no doubt be lounging in the sun on her mother’s couches and running through her gardens for hours digging in flowers and romping around until they were tired. they would be okay and happy, and they would be back before they likely even realized they were gone. it was still always hard to leave them behind, but it wasn’t often that she and kenzie got to go out on their little adventures together.
now as they settled into a booth within the airport’s restaurant she just wanted to focus on kenzie and this trip with her, because it was time she was going to get to spent with her and she would always look forward to that. she knew mack loved her mom, she loved that about kenzie, but it wasn’t always perfect, at least…not perfect for what hana needed and not always the most healthy. she knew most parents, even the worst of parents honestly…did the best they were capable of doing. even the worst parents were clearly only capable of what they were capable of, even if it wasn’t much at all, even if it was nothing good at all, it was all they were capable of. she knew kenzie loved her mother, she wasn’t about to sit and talk horribly of the woman when things hadn’t been that horrible, just…simply not the best for what hana had needed at times, still all her mother had been capable of offering. “she wasn’t bad, i don’t think any parent aims to be bad, sometimes they project all they know and sometimes that’s very little, sometimes that’s damaging but…it’s clearly all they know how to offer, even if it’s bad.” she says. the point was, they did the best they could, all of them, even kenzie’s parents did the best they were capable of doing; hana believed some people were just more capable than others in more right ways, while others weren’t. “i don’t know, nothing was terrible but nothing was perfect either.” hana didn’t know how to explain how conditioned she had been, pressured she had been, groomed in all honesty, for things that she had absolutely no interest in, simply because her mother wanted her to try and be good at many things, it didn’t really matter if hana was interested in those things or not.
“a lot of pressure but…i guess i rose under the pressure so i can’t complain too much.” she says simply, thinking that might be the best way to describe it. “i have all of these things i’ve been practiced in, things i can do, ways i’m capable, but it would have been nice to just focus on the things i wanted more than that.” she adds simply. more than the things that her mother wanted for her. “it’s that whole…parents trying to live through their kids and push them forward in life, in ways they might not have had themselves, chances they might not have had themselves. like when you so those little girls in pageants and they’re shattered and the mothers are just eating it up and pushing them on.” she smiled softly, but she hadn’t ever been forced into pageants so it wasn’t that extreme. it was more subtle than that. going off to college and studying the things that hana wanted to study, making her way through the society and stepping into ruling member status by her own merit helped her mother back off a little more and now that hana was grown and out of the house, out in the world, mostly she was just supportive now, but that didn’t ever make hana completely forget the resentment that she felt when she was younger either. it was still there at times like a shadow, making it hard at times for her to linger long around her family’s estate. “i’d never be upset about you spending time with her, i mean i love that, because you’re my wife and i think it’s great how much she loves you.” she loved that her family loved kenzie and mack should be able to form and have a close bond with her mother in law honestly. that was something amazing, not something to be upset about ever. people who would find themselves feeling jealous of their partner spending time with their parents and forming a bond with their family…probably needed to take a good long look in the mirror because what place did jealousy have in something like that? jealous of who? her wife for spending time with her mom, jealous of her mom for spending time with her wife? the thought of ever feeling jealous in either way was upsetting and self-centered. she loved kenzie, she wanted her to have a bond with her family if she wanted that, she loved kenzie…she wanted her parents to have a bond with her too. it all came down to her loving her wife.
“i would miss you too, but i would always be there when you got home.” she reached to pull a few menus closer to them, looking over the options to find them the breakfasts that they both wanted; kenzie said a classic breakfast sounded good and that sounded perfect to her, so she picked out for herself while kenzie got to pick her own. hana decided on a plate of bacon, eggs, sausage and hash-browns with a slice of french toast on the side and a side dish of hollandaise sauce and she ordered that when the waitress came around right after kenzie ordered. hana set her eyes on the little old couple that looked lost, but it seemed an airport attendant had taken notice of that too and was approaching likely to help them out. her eyes moved back to kenzie. “my dad is pretty chill honestly.” kenzie might see her mother as more calm and motherly and she was, but her dad was much the same. maybe more stern with just his facial expressions but he was altogether a collected person to be around, very smart, very quick-witted because he needed to be with a wife like nicola and a daughter like herself, who were also very quick witted with their intellect. he was mostly a proud and humble man when it came to family, and family mattered very much to him. “good, because i’m going to be snuggling with you the whole flight.” she murmurs, smiling at the thought of that. they were flying first class at least so they would be a lot more comfortable than people in coach. “those first class chairs are nice, and you’re comfortable so i’ll be napping too.” she smiles.
"he is definitely the lesser of two evils that's for sure. a little stuck up and snobbish. and his children? boy, hana. i'm glad i didn't get stuck with him." she says with a soft breathe of a laugh, while they were sitting at the booth in the restaurant. she loved exploring with hana, going places with her new places and old if that's what they chose. but she liked this, getting out with her, talking with her, letting people see that mack had the most gorgeous woman beside her, the smartest person she had ever met. "i know you haven't met my mom, and i think it's best we keep it that way. otherwise you might run for the hills and forget about this whole marriage thing." she tells her now, smiling at her before she was pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. she knew her mother, and perhaps that was one of the reason's why she never really wanted hana to witness that. of course she knew she was being silly, she knew hana well enough to know that her wife would never divorce her because of who her mother was but she still didn't exactly like her mother, and she felt embarrassed to even think about hana being involved in that.
she was nestled in hana's side as they were resting in the booth now, her fingers lacing with hana's while they sat there. she was excited to go on this trip with her, excited to see where they were going. hana hadn't exactly let her know yet, and mack didn't want to pry, she loved being surprised by hana, and she knew this was going to be an amazing surprise also. she listened to her speak, mack always loving how hana spoke, the accent rolling off some of the words at times, that always had mack blushing just hearing it, because it did things to her. she nodded her head listening to her, understanding her words. "i suppose i don't completely know how your family was before i came into the picture. and i know not everything is always happy and cheerful, even if families are still together." she says to her now, knowing that families acted differently behind closed doors, and not in the room full of strangers. not that mack was a stranger anymore, they were family and she knew that. "i get that. i mean, sure, my father left my mother when i was born, and my mother.... there were good moments in my life. like my science teacher for instance. he was there for me, helped me with things. and my neighbor always packed me lunch for school." she says a smile gracing her features. "life is all about balance, and i believe it's like that with family also. some people remember the bad more than the good." she says to her now, her lips pressing softly to her cheek. "but you're definitely the good in my life."
"you definitely did, and look at how you came to be. you got in princeton, and you're going to have a career in like, new places. places that are not just america." she whispers to her now, sighing happily, because if hana wasn't in princeton they wouldn't have been married, they probably wouldn't have been even seeing each other, because hana wouldn't have been here. "i'm glad you chose princeton. i couldn't imagine my life without you." she says to her now, her eyes wandering over the people walking by, seeing an old couple holding hands, and she was smiling, because she hoped that, that would be her and hana some day, holding hands while they were still old, breaking hips trying to still love on each other. she hoped that would be them. "your mother was trying to live through you? i mean, is that what you're saying?" she asks her, not wanting to assume she knew if that was what hana was saying or not, but she wanted to make sure anyhow. make sure that she was on the same page as her wife. "i know you wouldn't, but like. i would offer you hanging out with my mom, but. that's a bad idea, and we shouldn't go there. oh, maybe your mom can show me baby pictures of you. i bet they're so cute." she says to her, smiling more now looking at her, chuckling softly as she thought about it. "you'd be like uncle thing from the addams family, right? with big curls?" she says, giggling softly, though of course she wasn't picking on hana, she was actually finding it rather cute. "your mom is very nice though. and i know you can't wish for things to be different, because who knows. if i had a loving mother, i probably would of ended up differently and probably not here." she says to her now, shrugging her shoulders lightly, before she was lifting hana's hand to her lips to press a soft kiss to the back of it now.
"i know you would, and i'd always be there when you got home too." she whispers to her while hana was bring the menus closer, mack was looking over it, knowing that she wanted a classic breakfast, and her stomach grumbled when she saw that they did have it on the menu. her eyes were then looking to hana when she heard her speak of her dad and she smiled hearing her. "he's calm but has a big gun collection." she teases her softly, lips pressing to her cheek, and then she was resting her head down on her shoulder, stomach still grumbling. "good, because i want all the snuggles, and i need my fair share of snuggle time." she says to her now, lifting her head to press a kiss to her lips. "i'm hungry, stomach is all kinds of grumbly." she murmurs against her lips, smiling on her lips while she heard her words, her eyes looking to see someone coming over to them now, and she was pulling herself away from her lips. "i'm excited so i don't know how much napping i would get in, but i hope i get some, because i don't want to land at our destination all tired, and not being able to focus." she says to her now, smiling as she ordered, and then hana did, and then the waitress went away with their order. she was licking at her lips while looking at hana, her thumb brushing over her knuckles. "i think we should go away more often. i know you don't like being stuck in one place for too long, so going away, i want that. i love exploring the world with you. and we don't know how much time we have left on earth." she says, knowing it was a morbid thought, but it was the truth, neither of them knew when their time would be coming up. their food soon arrived and mack was sitting up a little more now, her hand letting go of hana's, knowing they would need a little space to eat.
