World Phallus

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The Prophet Jesse Jesus Sock

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Plant A - Orientation

Congratulations. You are cleared! 

Our Friend Jerry detected hesitancy on your answer to Q7 - “Have you ever flown to Paris (France) on October 13, decapitate a balloon salesperson, take the SECOND flight back to ‘wherever you hang your hat’, ingest three ibuprofen tablets, then fall asleep on your kitchen floor?” Did you not understand the question? Happily, your answer “Maybe” was perfectly acceptable.

We agreed on a starting salary of $100,000 a year.  A pretty sum, isn’t it? I wonder, though, if you would consider accepting a lesser amount. perhaps 100% less.  That means more money for me.

Working for nothing no longer justifies your rather grandiose status of “Employee”.  You will then be reclassified as either:

a) Intern

b) Chattel Slave

c) Serf

We’ll let you know your new title soon.

If you absolutely must be paid (for God’s sake!) we can spare up to $9000.00 per year. The offer of $100,000.00 was a joke. We were kidding, Where’s your sense of humor?

The morphine is kicking in so I’m off to the clouds.

Welcome to You Can Find Me Here!

Cordially,

Jesse Jesus Sock, Prophet

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SERMON IN THE GARBAGE HEAP

My name is Jesse Jesus Sock and I’m a prophet out of my own head. God lives inside my skull. Not your skull. Only mine.

Ain’t you the dude who predicted the end of World War II fifty years after it happened?

Don’t call me dude or any other. Do not ever say that word again!

I won’t. Please do not bathe me in fire!

Oh… Alright.  Not THIS time. Okay, Okay… Stop sucking my fingers.  I fucked up…

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INTERNATIONAL RUB DUB from They are Riddles, Lady, So Forget the Others

INTERNATIONAL RUB DUB from They are Riddles, Lady, So Forget the Others

From Void an Image bleats drools scorches

hands and cracking over me my skin muscle and bone mashed to blobber

(aching melodies up and down the chalky road then spreads over the Fields of Ribs)

Pay your fat + fee and leave out – She spies my car and giggles toward it

— her knotted rope back to the Apollonian Wheel She studies her own myth – not mine, nary, no. There is no there –

VOID

Butte…

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Is Today Thursday?

Ran into Eddie Poe on Oyster Blvd this morning. Looked a little peaked. “She told me she was 25. Today the cops told me she was 11! Can’t trust anyone. I’ve learned my lesson: I’m changing brands of whiskey.” He unleashed a graveyard of filthy language. Brrr. Just getting over it. Ever locked in a room with someone screaming obscenities in rapid-fire sequence? Well, have you? You either have or you…

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Lordy, Lordy, Was I a lousy waiter!

Lordy, Lordy, Was I a lousy waiter!

  Why did you choose the restaurant where I worked at that particular time?  A few seconds earlier or later, you would have been safe. But Fate dropped the piano on your head, and you drew me as your waiter. Forty-five minutes later you tore headlong shrieking from that restaurant, and you never trusted another human being again.

People tell me: please, Lousy, stop with the caterwauling…

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Corrosive Verbal Acid Poured Down the Throat of the Squatter-in-Chief

As everyone knows, Trump fails to grasp the danger of the coronavirus pandemic because nobody has bothered to explain it to him in ways he’ll understand.

Let’s listen in to an Oval Office conversation between the president and an anonymous aide who tries to guide the most powerful person on earth through the basics of the crisis.

“Mr. President, scientists can predict the number of people the…

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The Remarkable Story of Adam Pill - The Smartest Person Who Ever Lived

The Remarkable Story of Adam Pill – The Smartest Person Who Ever Lived

Everybody has heard of Dr. Adam Pill, the four-year old American genius who was found in a garbage bin as a newborn, his umbilical chord had even been tied in a knot. This happened in New York City, January 15, 2035.

He was discovered by the Dr. Rev. Priscilla Sunnyday Pill, a twenty-nine year old theologian, (of all the “callings” for one to have in this day and age) who taught Old Testament…

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Fraction Man .0000000013 Was a Lousy Waiter

Fraction Man .0000000013 Was a Lousy Waiter

This is straight autobiography nothing left out. Time frame: circa 1971-72.

If you once were a server, you would have jumped for joy SO HIGH (How high? So high that the birds shitting on the roof became constipated) if I failed to show up for the lunch or dinner shift.

Suppose you were by the grace of God off that day, you would shake your head off until your neck broke at the tales of my gross…

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Wheeeeeee!

I’m happy, happy, happy!

My cardiologist told me my heart failure (a misleading term) is steady as it goes and he won’t need to see me in six months. There is a valve operation in my future, though.

A nurse told me the insurance company won’t pay until I’m near death. She told she was kidding but I recoil at the word “death”.

I say “recoil” because any word reminding me of my demise knocks me…

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Luther Sinn Spends the Day in Downtown Sinn City

Luther Sinn Spends the Day in Downtown Sinn City

I meet hundreds of people every time I go downtown. They sway passed me, every color and size and shape: pink, small and pretzel-shaped; large green vacuum cleaners.

Each assumes one of the five sexes. They babble in Portuguese, Japanese, Cottagecheese. I glare at them, they scowl back. I smile at them, they scowl back. I laugh and point at them, they drop foul substances on my shoes.

Then there…

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Carol and I would like to come down next week. Please be at home when we get there or we’ll have to wait outside your apartment door until you come home. Waiting for someone to arrive home d…