Write a diary from Pierrot’s perspective. Maybe the follow-up development does not match the plot of the game (because the original author has not finished it yet, haha). If there is something wrong, please don’t sue me！
Anyway, I hope you can like this 13,000-word article (in fact, I don‘t know how many words it will be after translation, but maybe no one will count it). Please read it patiently.
If you want, you can discuss the plot with me. In fact, I’ve been exhausted recently (this can’t be blamed because there are too few plots in the game)
Today, I went to the street to distribute leaflets according to Jester’s request, but people in this city still don’t like our existence, just like everyone we met before.
But she is different. The first time I saw her, I knew that I had been captured by her.
When she saw I was bullied by others, she was so much shorter than me, but she still chose to stand in front of me and fight for a guy like me. For the first time in my life, I felt kindness. She was so bright and touching, like the warm sun in the cold winter and the twelfth lunar month suddenly shone on me, and I would hold her to death like a drowning person, and I would never let go in this life.
After driving away the rude man, she stretched out her hand to pull me up from the ground, but how could I touch such a gentle and beautiful existence? Could she be just a kind of salvation that I imagined in extreme pain?
I stood up by myself, but my height seemed to scare her. She let out a sigh, and her voice was so beautiful, as if the spring warmed and thawed spring water, flowing into my barren heart.
I think I must be in love with her, otherwise why would my heart beat so fast?
“Uh, are you all right? I have a dand-am here. You can use it first, but if the injury is serious, you should go to the hospital for treatment.
My redemption smiled at me and handed me a band-aid. I carefully took the band-aid with a seductive aroma, for fear that my sharp fingertips would cut her hand. She said goodbye to me with a charming smile on her face. Why is she so kind to me?
I don’t have the heart to care about these damn leaflets anymore. My heart is full of her thin but brave figure, as well as the corners of her raised mouth and the faint body fragrance. I pasted the gift she gave me on the wound, and I still couldn’t believe that all this was my real experience.
So I followed her to the coffee shop where she worked. I watched her greet the boss and customers gently through the glass. Her mouth opened and closed, as if she was saying something to the customers. I was so jealous of them. Why could they get her gaze like this? Strong unwillingness filled my heart. I continued to keep an eye on her with lustful eyes, and the strong possessiveness was about to drive me crazy.
And the kind she didn’t seem to notice my behavior. I secretly drew five hearts with my tongue on the glass, not only hoping that she could find my twisted love, but also afraid that she was just a fantasy in my mind. I want to keep my eyes on her all the time, but I can’t do it now. I need to continue to finish my work, otherwise Jester will make trouble for me.
I quickly completed my task, but she was still busy. I hid in the dark corner and watched her make drinks, clean up the plates, cups and saucers, and chatted with customers. I kept her every move in my heart. I heard her boss call her name, and then shouted her name silently in my heart over and over again. I carefully described her smile. I was eager to touch her, and before that, I needed to make sure whether she was real!
I went to deal with some personal affairs and encountered a little trouble. I was injured on my forehead, but this level of wound is not a big problem for me. However, I looked at the blood shed and thought of a good idea - maybe I could give her a gift, a gift that I made myself and even some of the raw materials came from myself.
I finally waited for the moment when all the customers in the store had left, and her boss disappeared. I can finally be alone with her, my angel.
“It’s you. It scared me...”
She turned to look at me. Her eyes were full of wary at first, but soon softened. I tried to look at her with my kindest eyes, hoping that I would not scare her. I handed her the rose and still looked at her silently.
“Is it for me? As a return gift for the back-aid?”
I nodded with a smile and watched with satisfaction that she accepted this special gift. I was about to invite her to the circus to watch my performance, but was interrupted by her urgent voice. It turned out that she noticed the wound on my forehead. She asked me to sit on the bar and took out a clean rag to wipe my blood. In fact, this small wound had healed long ago, but I did not refuse her.
With her gentle movements, the blood that was about to solidify was wiped away one by one. I could feel the touch of her fingertips, and the faint aroma that could not be described in words enveloped me. I began to think nonsense again, but the content was all about her.
I really want to hold her in my arms with my best strength, just like rubbing her into my body and integrating with me. But no, the human body is too fragile. She should stay with me for a long time, instead of becoming a disposable consumable.
I want to keep her by my side, I want to occupy her body and mind, until she only sees me in her eyes, until she can no longer leave me, just like I can’t live without her. Finally, I will mark her body with a mark that belongs exclusively to me and let her smell like me until her body is more familiar with my body than herself.
My thoughts drifted farther and farther away, and it was not until I heard her voice again that I ended these absurd fantasies. She curiously asked me why I didn’t make a sound, and I made an exception to talk to her, told her everything and invited her to see my performance.
My heart was beating uneasily in my chest, looking forward to her consent. The red ticket trembled slightly at my fingertips, showing my anxiety. How I wish she could accept my invitation! In this way, I can try to take my time and approach her little by little until I completely possess her.
However, she said that she already had a ticket.
I suddenly panicked. How is this possible? Could it be that Harlequin, the annoying guy, also noticed that she was kind and tried to compete with me once again？My face suddenly became gloomy, but I still remember to disguise myself in front of her, at least at this stage.
”Reas that so? Dear lady, what color ticket do you have? Can I have a look?”
She handed me the pink ticket without hesitation. I was relieved. Fortunately, it was not Harlequin’s special ticket. I played a little trick, exchanged the ticket for my red ticket, and then handed it back to her with an excited face.
Fortunately, I found it, otherwise...
In fact, it doesn’t matter. Even if she is really brought into the pink tent, I will take her away as soon as possible, but that will definitely attract Harlequin’s attention, and I don’t want more people to focus on her.
“My dear lady, this is a fake ticket. You can’t enter with it. It’s better to use mine. I don’t want you to have trouble when entering.
I watched her accept my ticket and heard her promise that she would go to the circus to watch my performance. I was so happy that I couldn’t wait to tie her to the circus immediately, but I resisted my restless heart and just secretly followed her to find her place to live.
After washing up, my lady leaned on the bed and watched TV, while I hid in a large wardrobe in her home and watched her. It’s not difficult for me to pry open the human lock. I easily entered her house through the door on the balcony, and then took advantage of her bathing to find a suitable hiding place, and she didn’t find my existence. What a little angel who lacks vigilance.
I looked at her through the gap of the cabinet, and my eyes were full of greedy and ugly desires. I wanted more than that, but I would wait patiently until she adapted to my existence. She was so tired that she fell asleep. I came out of the closet, turned off the TV and the light for her, and covered her with a quilt. When I was doing these things, my heart was pounding, for fear of waking her up by accident, but fortunately, she had been asleep.
I carefully stroked her soft cheeks and felt her warm skin sliding under my hands. I was so happy that I almost fainted.
She is actually real! The lady who brought all the kindness in the world to me is real, just like me! She is not the character I imagined, let alone the product of nervous. My lady is real.
My eyes became feverish, more explicit than before. If she came to her senses at this moment, she would be frightened by my appearance. I looked at her over and over again with hot eyes, and over and over again with her touching face in my heart. I told her about the surging love in my heart, but it still couldn’t express my feelings for her.
I know that I have fallen into it, and my heart, which will never be satisfied, is still longing for more. I will get her, definitely.
I didn’t leave my lady until early in the morning. I need to go back to take a nap, and then continue today’s observation. I need to know more about her. Her preferences, her habits, her appearance when she is happy, her appearance when she is angry... Everything about her attracts me so much that I am willing to become her slave.
As long as she is willing, I can become whatever she likes and get along with her in the way she likes. I want to take away all her attention and care. I hope... she can also like me.
Harlequin still found her this morning! Why did this ghostly guy appear here? Like an annoying toad, he kept chirping around my lady, and he didn’t even see how much my lady didn’t want to pay attention to him? This shameless guy!
I saw the green ticket in Harlequin’s hand, and my heart was alarming. I rushed forward to grab it. How could he still want to give his special ticket to my lady? How dare he! Harlequin had long expected my reaction. Once again, he laughed at me on the rule that I could not speak in public, and even slandered me in front of the young lady, saying that my heart was full of dirty thoughts. What does he know? This disgusting slug!
I stared at Harlequin, who was joking, viciously, and countless malicious things were rolling in my heart. How should I teach him a lesson? There are so many kinds of torture in the world that I can’t make up my mind for a while. Maybe it’s the right answer to try it all on Harlequin?
My lady didn’t accept Harlequin’s ticket. While I was confronting him, she had bypassed us and went to work. I know that this annoying guy has noticed the existence I cherish, and he will definitely try his best to take her away from me, just like the disgusting things he has done before.
I won’t let go. I need to please the young lady as soon as possible. At the same time, beware of Harlequin, who is full of bad water, and let him keep a distance from my young lady.
At almost noon, the work of distributing leaflets finally came to an end. I couldn’t wait to go to the coffee shop to find her. Even if I can’t talk to her, I just watch her silently and take a milkshake from her hand, which can soothe my heart full of desire.
Look at what you have done to me, my dear lady. Your kindness is both an antidote and poison to me. You pulled me out of the dark hell, but you refused to put me in your arms. You are so cruel, my dear lady, but it doesn’t matter. I will lie by your side until one day you voluntarily throw yourself into my arms.
I saw her boss pull her arm and whisper something to her. Why was that man holding my lady? Is he bullying her behind my back? Is it just because my kind, simple and lovely lady is kind-hearted?
I was so angry that the flame of anger spread endlessly in my heart, pushing my anger to a new peak. When she handed me the milkshake, I leaned close to her ear and asked her in a low voice if she was in trouble. This is another violation of my rules, but I don’t care at all. Now the most important thing is to make my lady happy, and all the things that make her angry should go to hell.
Although she denied to me that her boss was not good to her, I still decided to give the man a small warning, hoping that it could attract his attention and not to criticize my lady too harshly. I followed the man to a hidden alley and grabbed his arm fiercely while he was unprepared. I would never let others bully her.
In the afternoon, I have been preparing for the evening performance, and I used a man to deliver a pink ticket to the rude woman. That woman actually accused my lady in front of me. It’s too much! Since that’s the case, I’ll let her pay the price of her life. Isn’t that too much?
I repeatedly practiced the content of the evening performance, and I felt restless. Will my lady like my performance? If she likes it, can she like me more? I want to hold her hand openly and kiss her lips, instead of secretly hiding in the dark and staring at her.
She really came to watch my performance at night!
She took my ticket to enter and sat in the front row. Although she was surrounded by people, I still saw her at a glance. My beautiful young lady sat on the seat, holding her cheeks with both hands and looking at me extremely intently. Her eyes were about to roast me!
I endured my inner restlessness and continued my performance. I don’t want anything to go wrong at this time. Just like the rehearsal in advance, I rotated and jumped on the stage with a special dance step, using the light to separate me from the movement of the shadow, creating a tricky atmosphere. I heard the crowd under the stage begin to cheer. These angry shouts made me a little annoyed. I wanted to confirm her mood again, but I didn’t want to destroy my carefully prepared performance because of this little action.
So I endured it and vented my irritation on the grumpy woman. She appeared on the other side of the stage as my stage assistant. Her body could not resist because of the effect of the drug, and she could only move her head slightly. I took out the darts and began to throw them in the direction she was.
The audience under the stage became even more crazy. Under the dim lights, the atmosphere of the scene was pushed to a whole new height. They were all shouting for me to hit the woman.
Oh, this is what the vast majority of human beings look like. Obviously, they have crazy ideas and dirty desires in their hearts, but they pretend to be humble gentlemen in front of others. It really makes me feel sick.
I patiently threw out the first dart, stuck next to the woman’s head, and did not hit her. I need to enhance the atmosphere of the scene more fanatically. I can only take this gradual approach, even if I have long wanted to kill this woman and make her painful.
Will she like this form of performance? My heart was full of uncertainty, but I still threw the second dart, which fell under the woman’s armpit, closer to her body.
The figures of the audience under the stage have been distorted, and the shadows are like demons from hell, entangled together. All kinds of desires are intertwined, gushing out like an erupting volcano.
I responded to the audience with exaggerated movements, and then threw a third dart. I still didn’t hit her, but it was very close. The audience began to roar with dissatisfaction, and the violent factor hidden in their hearts was screaming wildly, testing their bottom line.
Between the satisfaction of desire and the unsatisfaction, the feeling that will be obtained but cannot be obtained is the most tingling. I am well aware of this, because this is exactly what I have experienced now.
And those are all given to me by my dearest lady. I can’t stop my dirty thoughts. What I want is much more than that...
The sharp dart flew out and pierced the middle of the woman’s forehead. She could no longer embarrass my lady. I laughed with satisfaction, and the audience below the stage was also very satisfied with the result. They were noisy endlessly, and some even began to throw flowers and paper and pens on the stage.
I bowed down the stage as usual to thank them for watching, but when I looked up at my lady, I was stunned. Because it’s empty, where is my lady? I’m like I’m in an ice cave. It’s hard to believe my own eyes. How can this be? Is the shadow I saw before the performance just my own fantasy?
I waved goodbye to the audience who were still immersed in the performance, hurried back to the backstage, and then rushed out of the tent at the first time. No matter where she is now, I will find her.
Maybe she just left the performance first, not that she didn’t like my performance. I comforted myself like this, but the uneasiness rising in my heart was getting stronger and stronger. I always had a bad premonition.
I found her outside. She turned her back to me, bent down and coughed, as if she was feeling a little uncomfortable. I hesitated for a moment, but I still stepped forward and patted her on the shoulder. The moment she turned around, I saw the green heart-shaped badge.
Damn Harlequin! When exactly?!
I subconsciously grabbed her collar and ran over the annoying little mark with my fingertips. How dare he leave such a thing on my dearest lady?!
“...Pierrot? This was given to me by your colleague...”
After listening to her explanation, my mood didn’t get any better. I just felt that the treasure I longed for was once again coveted by Harlequin, a ghostly guy. I took a deep breath and added a yellow five-pointed star above the badge, which was my own mark.
My dear lady hesitated for a moment and then thanked me, but her eyes at me were much more complicated, and I could feel her hesitation, anxiety and fear.
My heart was beating anxiously in my chest. I seemed to have expected her answer, but I still asked her heartlessly:
“My dear lady, I’m glad you came to see my performance... So, do you like my performance?”
I stared at her nervously, trying to read her ideas from the small changes in her expression, which was what I was good at, but that day I sincerely hoped that I had not mastered this skill.
Because I saw the fear and dread in her enlarged pupils. She is afraid of me, and my dear lady’s emotions for me are only fear at this moment. This is not all I want, but it seems that I can only accept it. I have no choice...
No, in fact, I have thought about this for a long time and have made full preparations for it.
But I’m like a fool who doesn’t look back, persistently trying to get the answer from her mouth. She decisively admitted her fear and looked at me with a gentle smile on her face.
“So... can we see each other again tomorrow ?”
After all, I still asked this question. Although I had got a negative answer from her reaction, I just... like a person who likes to abuse myself , persistently let her reply repeatedly delay me.
“Uh... It’s better not to...”
“...Why, my dear lady? Is it because you don’t like my performance? Or did I do something wrong? Why...”
I don’t understand if I have done anything out of the way these days, and why things have developed like this? I don’t like this kind of ending, but fortunately... I still have a chance to modify our relationship.
I quickly put away the haze on my face, leaving only reluctance and retention in my expression. I took out a small cake with a large amount of special drugs and handed it to the angel who wanted to stay away from me.
“Well... Since we can’t see each other again, please accept this as the last farewell gift... Okay, my dear lady?”
The simple and kind-hearted she hesitated for a moment and finally took it. I watched her lower her head and take a bite of the cake, then looked up at me with a smile, telling me that she liked the gift very much.
Oh, my dear lady, you are still so cute. Your smile moves me, and I can’t forget your figure. Even if I use some unconventional means, I will keep you and keep you by my side.
Looking at her eyes gradually becoming confused, and her will could no longer support her body, she muttered something, and then fell into my arms obediently. I carefully hugged her, and my greedy eyes stayed on her eyebrows for a long time. At that moment, I felt that I had the whole world.
“...I’m sorry, my lady... But I can only keep you by my side in this way. I will take good care of you... I will keep you up until you have fully adapted to me, until we fall deeply in love with each other, and no one can separate us anymore.”
It began to rain this morning. The sky was gloomy and covered with dark clouds. It looked like the sky was squeezing towards the ground. It’s exactly the same as my mood at this time. Although I kept my angel by my side in that way, I still didn‘t feel the mood of mastering the whole situation.
I hid her in a coma in my single tent and locked her feet at the head of the bed with an iron chain. It’s very safe here. It won’t be found out by others for the time being, especially the disgusting Harlequin, who can never enter my private tent.
However, is it really right for me to do this? Can I really keep her?
I fell into self-doubt, but there was no turning back. I couldn’t go back to the past to change my choice. It’s just that I’m a little confused and nervous. How can I explain all this to her? Do you tell me bluntly about the deformed love I have for her? Or do you disguise yourself as a mentally crazy person and gradually improve her opinion of me by getting along with her in prison? But I think doing this will only make things worse.
Perhaps, her smiling person will prefer freedom rather than be bound in a small tent by me.
Fortunately, she hasn’t woken up yet. At least now I don’t need to face her frightened, timid or shocked eyes. I still have time to think about how to continue to get along with her.
This afternoon, when I returned to the tent after work, she had already woken up and was curled up on the bed. She buried her face between her knees, and her soft long hair scattered on her back and chest, covering her closed legs. My young lady is curled up in an extremely insecure posture, as if she had returned to the fetal period.
My throat is so dry that I don’t know how to start a conversation. Just when I was at a loss, my lady found me. She took the initiative to break the silence between us and saved me again, even though I had done such a bad thing to her.
“...Pierrot? Is it you? Why did you... do this?”
She raised her head and looked at me with disbelief. Her lips trembled, looking forward to and afraid of my answer. Her thin body trembled, and she clasped the hem of her clothes with both hands, and her joints turned white.
I looked at her and felt the tension in the air. I saw her uneasiness, panic and fear on the surface, as well as a trace of expectation hidden in the depths of her eyes. It seemed that she hoped it was a prank.
I really want to respond to her expectations, but not this time.
I can’t let go, absolutely not.
After a long time, I took my eyes off and no longer indulged in her beautiful eyes. I can’t look back, otherwise things will only get worse, and I’m destined to get further and further away from her, just like two straight lines that only intersect, moving away from each other after intersecting, and never seeing each other again.
“I’m sorry, my dear lady, but you have to stay here... I’ll take good care of you...”
I didn’t know how to continue, and then she suddenly got excited, jumped up from the bed, rushed to the bedside and grabbed my waffl collar. The thick iron chain was pulled by her and made an earth-shattering sound. I was worried that it would hurt her ankles, but there was only my figure in her eyes. She grabbed my collar fiercely and pulled me towards her, and I was willing to lean towards her with her movements.
She gasped violently, her chest rose and fell, her beautiful eyes trembled in her eyes, and her pupils widened because of fear and shock.
“Why? Why me? Pierrot, tell me... why...”
I was filled with her fragrance, and my head was a little dizzy, but her shocked and panicked voice soon pulled me back to reality. I looked at myself who appeared in her eyes. I was the only one in her eyes now. I should be very happy, but...
Why do I feel a little sad?
I tasted the strong fear emanating from her, and a sour breath spread between my lips and teeth, which made me speechless.
“...Because I love you, my dear lady... Don’t make trouble. It’s not good to hurt yourself. Do you want to eat something now?”
I stumbled and said something to divert her attention, which certainly could not be successful. She let go of the hand holding my collar in astonishment, knelt on the bed helplessly, looking straight ahead, and her eyes were a little empty.
She didn’t say anything more, neither looking at me nor answering my question. She sat there in a daze, digesting the unfortunate facts I told her. I was a little afraid of her appearance, and the uneasiness in my heart began to amplify. I almost ran away and didn’t dare to look at her again.
Is it really right for me to do this?
From today on, my young lady no longer planned to escape. She became much quieter, and the rador on her face faded. The food I prepared for her was almost not moved. She just curled up on the bed silently, like a baby.
In the first few days, I could still see her lively, although it was only because she wanted to untie the chain that bound her. She tried for a long time, and I just watched all this silently, neither stopping her nor taking the initiative to untie the chain for her.
I could see that my young lady was afraid of me. The way she looked at me had lost trust. Her eyes became cold, but still lively. She stopped shouting my name with a smile, and she didn’t even want to try the food and water I sent, although I repeatedly guaranteed that there was nothing that shouldn’t be put in it.
I had to take tough measures to restrain her and force her to pour some. After that, my young lady would look at me with angry eyes, but she never scolded me. If she did this, I might feel a little better.
I got her, but I also completely lost her trust, and things went beyond my expectations. Even if I imagined what the situation would be like, in fact, when it was really my turn to experience it myself, I realized that imagination and reality are completely different.
Maybe, I shouldn’t have done this...
July 11th Rain turned sunny
It has been raining heavily for several days recently, and the flow of people in the circus has been much less, and the local government has begun to suspect us, because more and more people have disappeared from the city recently. This caused people to panic. They were the first to think of us outsiders, indiscriminately thinking that it was our fault.
Although this is indeed the case, the vast majority of the disappearance of the population is insegrable from our monsters.
Jester told me that we might leave here soon. After explaining the business, he stared at me suspiciously and asked me if I had hidden anything from him. I kept silent, neither denying nor admitting.
I won’t tell anyone about her existence until I can be sure that she completely belongs to me.
In recent days, Harlequin has also looked at me suspiciously from time to time, and his inquiring gaze swept over my private tent from time to time. He smiled strangely and asked me if I knew where my lady had gone. As far as he knew, the charming lady had disappeared for almost ten days, but I didn’t show any anxiety, which made the shrewd Harlequin suspicious.
Harlequin doubted me. I couldn’t tell him where my lady was. She belongs to me alone, and can only be mine alone. I put her in a very safe place, and no one can hurt her anymore.
I didn’t pay attention to Harlequin’s yin and yang. I turned around and went back to my tent, hoping to convince her today so that she could give up struggling and begin to adapt to the new mode of getting along between us.
I came to her side, but I only saw a piece of debris, which was a fragment of a broken dish. My young lady didn’t curl herself up today. She lay quietly on the bed I prepared for her. Her left arm drooped, and only her pale arm could be seen from my perspective. But I smelled a strong bloody smell, and I also saw her frowning eyebrows and her increasingly pale and sickly face.
Contacting the mess, I suddenly realized something, and my heart suddenly stopped beating at this moment. I knelt beside her in a trance. There was a large amount of dark red liquid on the ground, most of which had solidified and turned into sticky gelatinous substances. I pressed the wound on her left wrist desperately, but it seemed to be of no use.
My lady has always been so brave, and it’s the same in this kind of thing. I can even see the white bones in her flesh and blood. I dare not think about how many times she cut herself to cause such a wound. My heart was full of fear, and her warm body seemed to be getting colder and colder in my arms.
I called her name, took out the key of the chain with trembling hands, and wrewed the shackles that trapped her. I picked her up, but I took a few steps back at the moment I got up. I didn’t expect that she had become so thin. She was lying quietly in my arms, with a relieved smile on her bloodless face.
I felt that I was about to be unable to catch her. I choked up and prayed to her in the most humble tone, hoping that she would open her eyes and look at me, instead of falling asleep without reacting like this. I need to take her to see a doctor. I want to keep her no matter what.
I walked on the road with her in my arms, and the cold wind and rain swept over us. The gradually weakening raindrops hit her face and wet her hair. The person in my arms seemed to hear my prayer, and her rain-stained eyelashes trembled gently, and she slowly opened her eyes.
The world outside was covered with dark clouds, and the light was not strong, but it still made her squint again, but soon she opened her eyes again, and her turbid and gloomy eyes burst out with a different kind of brilliance. I can feel that her vitality is accelerating, but I can’t do anything about it. There is no other effective way but to pray.
My eyes were firmly locked on her face. She smiled, and the curvature of the corners of her mouth was the same as in my memory, but her lips were no longer so rosy and healthy. She raised her head with effort and looked at the dark cloudy sky above our head. She looked at it for a long time, and I only saw her thin appearance.
“...Pierrot, today’s sky...isn’t it beautiful...isn’t it?”
Her dry lips muttered, and some words came out of her mouth intermittently and came into my ears. I don’t know how to respond to her. I can only silently hold her tighter and make her body gradually lose temperature closer to me.
She smiled and looked at me indifferently. I couldn’t feel her resentment and fear, but only her faint sadness. My young lady raised her hand with effort, her purple nails reached up, and the fishy blood flowed down her pale arms. She always kept smiling.
“...Perhaps, in fact, we can...”
Her hand fell down weakly and drooped silently two centimeters away from my face. She closed her eyes.
I don’t know when the dark clouds covering our heads have dissipated. The gloomy sky has changed. The beautiful and clear azure blue exudes a different kind of beauty. The collapsed sky has returned to its original position.
I stood in place for a long time until the dazzling sunlight shone on us, and the unique smell of the grass after the rain penetrated into my nose. I still stood there, holding my lady.
I really shouldn’t have done this...
I didn’t do anything wrong, and the development of things was completely in line with my expectations.
Today, the circus came to a brand-new city. My young lady chose to wander with me. Taking her away that night was the most correct decision I have ever made in my life.
At first, Jester did not agree to take a human with us, but after listening to my story, his eyes became much more complicated.
Jester’s eyes glanced past me and drifted behind me, where my young lady was hiding nervously. He was silent for a long time, and his eyes turned to me again. Finally, he only said one sentence:
I was very happy that I could be with my lady forever. I looked at her with a smile and found that she was also looking at me with a smile.
My young lady and I are indeed a perfect match.
My lady always looks gentle and looks at me with a smile, but when my eyes fall on her, she mischieously avoids my gaze. I regard this as a small interest between us. Others will not understand, especially Harlequin. He often looked at me with ghostly eyes, as if I were a madman, but I didn’t care about his attitude towards me at all. As long as Harlequin, this disgusting slug, doesn’t peek at my lady, then I can regard him as air for the time being.
Although my lady has become much quieter recently, and the food I carefully prepared for her is rarely changed, I believe she loves me, but maybe she still needs more time. And I am a very patient hunter, and I am willing to wait for my prey to change hers mind.
Everything is going well.
Today, I brought back a very fresh bouquet of roses for her. I knelt on one knee and held the bouquet of dew in front of her. My lady smiled. She pointed to the vase on the bedside table and signaled me to put the roses there. I did.
She seems to like that bouquet very much. Maybe I can give her a different bouquet of flowers every day, so that I can see more of her smiles.
Everything is going well.
I rehearsed a new program. Although my lady lives with me now, I still hope she can go to see my performance. I will reserve the best viewing seat for her and let her enter with my exclusive ticket.
I told her what I thought and handed her a ticket. My lady tilted her head and looked at me. She nodded and agreed to go to see my performance tonight, but she didn’t take the ticket.
That’s right, my lady doesn’t need tickets anymore. It’s really unnecessary to do so.
But there was a little incident at night. The seat I reserved for her was robbed by a nasty middle-aged woman, and I didn’t see where my lady was. Is it because there are too many spectators under the stage?
But... Obviously, I could easily find my lady in a group of people before. Her unique temperament has always attracted me, just like a lamp in the dark night attracting moths, and I was willing to fall into that fatal trap.
I was very angry, so I went to question Ticket Taker. It’s his job to check tickets and guide the audience to enter, and I don’t think he will not know the relationship between me and my lady, so why did such a mistake happen?
After listening to all my complaints, the way he looked at me was strange, which made me feel similar to the way that Harlequin, the annoying guy, looked at me recently. I don’t understand why he did this.
Ticket Taker seemed to explain something to me, but he hesitated for a long time and didn’t say a word until Jester found out the dispute between us. Jester glanced at me, then looked at Ticket Taker and shook his head. I don’t know what agreement they reached behind my back, but Ticket Taker quickly apologized to me and said that he would reserve that position for me in the future.
I didn’t correct that his seat was reserved for “my lady”. Now I just want to find her quickly and see her gentle smile. I want to ask her if I have done something wrong recently, or why didn’t she come to see my performance?
I didn’t find her. Something was wrong.
She seems to be a little unhappy recently. Sometimes I can’t find my lady, which makes me a little uneasy, but I don’t know how to talk to her. I don’t object to her going out now. I just hope she can tell me where she went, so that I don’t look around for her like a headless fly.
In addition, Harlequin was even more annoying. He seemed to have found something interesting, with disgusting sarcasm on his face all day long. I’m too lazy to pay attention to him. Anyway, he is the only one who doesn’t provoke my lady, so I can consider a truce with him, and from now on, the well water will not violate the river water.
But what if the lady’s strangeness is caused by the shameless thing Harlequin? Could it be that he said something to the innocent lady while I was away? Or did he try to seduce her again?
His damn bastard! I need to talk to him.
“Huh? Don’t be kidding, Pierrot. I’m not interested in falling in love with someone who has died long ago, and I don’t have time to play boring fantasy games with you like them.
In the face of my questioning, Harlequin stared at me with contempt, still saying nothing good. This can’t be too difficult for him. After all, I know that a dog can’t spit ivory out of his mouth, but he can’t humiliate my lady!
How dare he curse my dearest lady for being a dead person?
I punched Harlequin hard and knocked him to the ground. Harlequin cursed loudly and fought with me unwillingly, and kept shouting those vicious curses.
I really want to kill him, this disgusting slug!
This time, Harlequin and I both almost fought to death. The action of the fight was to the flesh, and we were fighting with the idea of killing each other. Hearing the news, Jester separated us angrily. He looked at the black lines caused by me and Harlequin. He first stared at me and Harlequin separately, and then pulled the slug aside.
Jester was whispering to Harlequin. His voice was so small that I could only hear a few simple words, but those words scared me. My head began to hurt, as if something was about to come out of my head.
“...Can you not...excite...just follow him...”
I covered my head and slowly squatted down. I really wanted to hold my lady. Now only she can comfort me. But where did she go?
Why is my young lady always smiling gently? Why does she always keep silent? Why has she never taken anything from my hand? Why will she never take out a bandage to bandage my wound again? Why...
Because she has been gone for a long time...
The companionship for more than ten days is the product of my imagination, which is my escape from reality.
Why is my lady always smiling gently? Because this is her last expression before her death, and it is also the clearest appearance of her in my memory.
Why does she always keep silent? Because I needed to keep silent in public, I also imposed this rule on her, even if she was just a illusory shadow of my fantasy. How funny! I haven’t found anything wrong. How could the once gentle, kind and lovely lady not talk to me for so long?
Why has she never taken something from my hand? Because I know that it is impossible for her in the fantasy to touch real objects, but I don’t want to admit it, so I direct and deceive myself - my lady just prefers to see me serving her.
I understand everything...
This is probably my last diary... The following days are mostly tasteless, and there is no need to record them.
I don’t know what to write. That’s it...
I don’t like this ending...
