i really really really hate coming on anywhere and fussing, ranting or lamenting about things but…
i'm extremely stressed, frustrated and upset.
my main pc is fucked, apparently.
for the past 3 months, i've been working off of my old, dinosaur aged pc (it's 10+ years old, barely works, has trouble booting etc) ever since my newer pc started having serious issues. over this past weekend, i was finally able to take it the shop and get it looked at. they informed me a day later that one of the ram sticks was bad (as my partner had already suspected) and i was charged 100 bucks for this discovery, that i had to borrow from my parents.
they voicemail that i had received informing me of the issues found, that if i wanted repairs, it would cost 40 bucks alone for install + whatever price i chose to spend for new ram stick(s), however, once i visited the store to actually SPEAK to someone (their phone system is trash and no one would answer/return my call), i was told any parts install would cost SIXTY bucks instead and offered new parts costing from 100-120 in range, which would ultimately make the total cost + the 100 for diagnosis, close to 200 bucks.
my partner says that's a ridiculous price to pay for something that can be popped in and out to replace but unfortunately, i'm not very knowledgeable about hardware and hardware installation so i don't feel confident in going in there myself and replacing it/them even if i got my hands on new parts and we are also long distance so he's not able to do the install for me.
what i thought should be 'thankfully', the shop took out the 'bad' stick and i was told i should be able to bring my pc home and use it RELATIVELY normally without replacing it at this time, it just would not be able to run at the same capacity as it could have if it had both sticks of ram installed. at this time, it's worked for a total of.. a day and a half normally and without issue before having the same major issues again; web browser/tabs crashing, apps fully crashing or not operating (discord is currently a blank/grey window for me right now and i have to use the browser app to even use it), inability to install anything and finally, a full blue screened pc crash; so now i'm assuming BOTH sticks were bad and the brand installed is trash. (i do not know the brand of any parts installed in my pc as my ex purchased them all months before our relationship ended)
so what's the point i'm trying to get to?
i'm in desperate need of some money. i'm a disabled, unemployed person who my parents basically resent for needing their support for survival and i've been trying VERY hard to work towards making ANY kind of income from my creative skills in order to start saving up to attempt to move out of my parents' home and across several states to live my partner as, after being kicked out and left by my ex, has landed me in yet another home that doesn't respect or treat me fairly and takes a toll on my mental health/stress and motivation/focus on a daily basis. the added daily stress of not knowing if my (EXPENSIVE) devices are reliable and functioning has made it extra difficult to stay focused and motivated to keep moving towards my goals.
i currently have no financial nor food security as my parents often (intentionally) leave me out of meals, don't allow me any cash to go shop for myself and tell me to get a job, on the rare occasions i do happen to ask for 5-10 bucks for some dinner, same as they did when i asked for them to help me repair a device that COULD be a job for me if i could just get it back to working condition.
i am VERY new to doing commissions and i understand it does take some time to establish a good work flow + trustworthy reputation as a commission artist but i am determined to work hard and as efficiently as possible to provide clients with the best possible work i can produce. i am NOT, however, new to the art market world as i've had many mutuals and friends who have had commission shops or have gone on to produce their own physical merchandise so i've had many years of observing the processes and progressions.
at this current time, i'm considering setting aside my plans for vtuber development i had for this year which would have included working on small, 'mini' debuts leading up to a larger, legit debut as i progressed to learn to make my own environment overlays and assets + relearning live2d skills to rig my own model, to solely focus on constantly making art to showcase my skills for hire. i am also considering, after polishing up my commissions page more, including smaller, bonus arts with larger piece purchases as a small thank u for people helping me gain work and funds for my needs.
i'm just.. really drained and tired of prolonged issues taking a toll on me, both general life things i've experienced most my life and now these frustrating tech problems that i hope would have been non-existent with a newer pc as i had been experiencing many troubles with my old pc for years (this new pc is only a year old). i'm ready to be able to have peace in my life and to focus on things that are fulfilling to me and bettering skills that bring me joy.
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