The Lounge

This is the place where you can kick back and read some articles about man things.

[modulomen-blog]

Chairman of the Beard | Tips on Growing a Beard Like a Boss

There are but a few achievements in a man's life that instill confidence and fortitude deep within the soul, than his ability to cultivate, grow, and maintain a proper beard. A great beard is not born from laziness and complete denial of razor to face. Nay, sir, a great beard requires careful attention, diligence, and the ability to make it through the itching phase without complete abandonment of it all. For those willing to make the journey, the fruits of labor can pay dividends. Go forth and realize those dividends, Mr. Chairman. 

We have spent some time reliving the joys and horrors of growing a marvelous beard and put our thoughts and advice in an easy-to-follow article. Let's begin this venture together...

Prepare the Face

You may be seeing an underlying trend here in our postings and that is being mindful of the layer of stuff covering your body. For any venture to be successful, you must prepare the foundation to build upon. In this case, you need clean and healthy skin to support those stubby little hairs that will one day become your face trophy of greatness. The proper way to prepare your face is to begin the never-ending process of daily cleansing with warm water and mild soap or shampoo. Try using products that also promote skin exfoliation, which will keep dead skin cells from clogging your skin and allow for more hair to grow. Yes, exfoliation sounds like something out of Cosmo (the mag for dames), but is is just as important for you, good sir. Remember, even when hair is present you still need to clean and exfoliate the skin below. By keeping your facial skin clean and removing those dead skin cells, you are allowing better blood flow and the right environment to support your hair follicles. Start this now and continue doing it for the rest of your life. 

Feed the Stubble

The food you jam into your talking hole is important for all of your body functions - including supporting proper hair growth. The concept seems so simple, but when you really think about it, your body is continuously growing and replacing cells - including growing hair, and all those new cells are coming from the horrible food choices you make throughout the day. If you are like us and you find yourself washing down your third Doritos Locos Taco with a hefty swig of Don Julio, then you will be hard-pressed to find enough of the nutrients your hair needs to grow thick and strong. To supplement, we suggest adding Biotin, Vitamin C, Vitamin E along with some extra protein to your daily regimen. Not only will these vitamins and nutrients support proper hair growth, they help your skin and other things inside your body, too. So, even if your guts are screaming for mercy (from the forementioned tacos and booze), your hair and skin can present a much better picture to the world.

Moisturize that Stuff

As your beard face begins to take on its own identity, you may become less focused on taking care of the skin and other treasures hidden under the new hair on your face; this is a big mistake and one made by many great beardfellows. Do not succumb to the laziness. Around the time your face begins to itch - and oh will it itch - you will need to learn to hydrate your beard hair and the skin below.

To accomplish this, employ the powers of beard oil. Haven't heard of beard oil before? Just take a look around the interweb and you will see countless brands of this magical elixir popping up everywhere...like here! The concept of beard oil is to keep your beard hair moisturized and the skin hydrated to support a healthy growing environment, strong hair and less skin irritation. There are some oils that work better than others and each may work differently with your situation, so find the one that suits you. A good beard oil should go into your nasty snarl of hair and absorb quickly without leaving an oily residue. By using this magical solution daily, you can keep your tufts healthy and prevent that itch we keep bringing up. 

Shape Your New Face

The best part about growing a field of dreams right on your very own face is the day you can shape it and create your new identity of man with a beard. The average beard should take 4-6 weeks to cultivate to something worth #bragging about to everyone on InstaSocial. It is important to let your beard grow before trimming the edges, however. You may look like a wily beast, but that is 90% of the fun. When you feel that the length, fullness and coverage looks like something you can work with, it is time to go to work and shape it.

BEARD BONUS: The part of the beard journey between stubble and a properly groomed beard can be particularly fun and adventurous. This is when you can be considered many things based on your attire. For example: Sweat pants and dirty tee shirt on the subway - throw that man a dollar and get him a warm cup of soup. Full suit and tie with a glass of scotch in hand - that man is beat from closing billion dollar deals all day. See? Fun!

Shaping Tips

We could write an independent article on the art of shaping your beard, which we probably will. [spoiler alert] But, since you have made it this far, we can give you some pointers on landscaping your beard harvest to appear to have your shit together.

Length: If you are unsure of the length you want, choose a length that matches the hair on top of your nugget. This is a good rule of thumb for most beard folk. If you have no hair up there, or you are going for something more daring, throw that tip out the window and go for the length you know you can pull off. We have all seen that bald guy with a massive, thick, glorious beard - behold the beauty! This look is very possible to pull off, because that gentleman has the confidence to know his face can wear anything it wants.

Blending: You should know where your sideburns end and your beard begins. Just like the barber that always gave you a buzz cut as a kid (or was that just us?) use clippers to blend the transition. The key to avoiding being a noob is all in the transition, unlike your best man speech that you started with an anecdote about strippers in Vegas and ended with true love.

Neck and Cheek Line: This is more a matter of what looks correct to the eye and not so much on what you can pull off. You shouldn't trim your beard to follow too closely to your chin line, but you should also prevent it from going all the way down your neck. Nobody likes a neck beard. Period. We think a sound tip for you, fearless beard entrepreneur, is to trim a little above your Adam's Apple and call it a day. As for the top cheek area, having a nice fade into the upper cheek is advisable, unless your beard is short. The longer your beard hair is, the more unnatural it will look if trimmed to an exact line. Just remember: The longer the actual beard hair length, the more odd it will look with an exact straight line.

Mouth: If you have a tendency to place your lips on other humans (we are talking lips and cheeks here - don't be nasty), you should keep the hair from going over your lip. If not, let that stuff go a little longer, but not too much. Just like trimming the neck and cheek line, keep this neat and tidy, but not too perfect. If you prefer to grow a mustache with a personality of it's own, then go forward with your plans on expansion. Displaying a great beard AND a fantastic mustache is not yet another endeavor altogether.

Maintenance: The overall length you settle on will determine the best method for keeping things tidy. If you are working with a length of 1" or shorter, you can get away with an electric trimmer and a guard. If you are in the 1" to 6" zone, then you will need to use a fine tooth comb with rounded scissors or an electric trimmer. This requires a little more practice, but you will get the hang of it. First, use a comb to straighten your hair out - comb in the direction of the hair growth. Next, start from your ear on one side of your face and trim the straggler hairs that go beyond the teeth of your comb to an even length. Be careful to trim less than more on each pass that you make. Keep the length from your skin either the same distance or gradually increasing until you reach the front center and repeat on the other side. The goal here is to be symmetrical. When both sides are done, trim up the center from the top down with the same comb and trim method. There is a real art to this, so take your time and be patient. If you are in the 7" and longer zone you need to make sure to have all the toys built by December 24th at 5pm, so the elves have enough time to load them in your sleigh for all the children on your list; you have a busy night ahead.

And there you have it - most of the tools necessary to launch your beard venture with confidence. The biggest piece of advice we can offer up is to have patience and go into this partnership with your face knowing that there will be serious commitments required on both parts and some itching. But, as you can gather from witnessing other great men roaming this planet with their beards proudly displayed on their faces and swagger in their step, the investment is worth it. So, go out there and make us proud.

-moduloman

Like our advice and yearn for more? Subscribe to our newsletter.

[modulomen-blog]

St. Whiskey Day

Sitting at the bar you are faced with many fine choices of intoxicant to begin your adventure for the evening - but where to start? May we suggest a good whiskey - one from Ireland, perhaps. Yes, that sounds splendid.

A Quick History Lesson

Before you can truly appreciate such a magnificent drink, let us pour some knowledge of the world's most enjoyed brown liquor down your throat. The first recorded distilling of whiskey was in Ireland somewhere around 1405, getting its name derived from the Gaelic term for "water of life". Originally produced for religious reasons and only for royalty, the knowledge of distilling this magic spirit quickly spread through Europe and became an industry in the late 15th century. Although the Irish were the first to produce whiskey, it was the Scottish that took the concept and ran with it, producing their own variation known as Scotch. There are several countries known for producing whiskey, or whisky (dropping the "e", if it is from Scotland, Canada, and sometimes the US), but Irish Whiskey remains the true original - so, thank you Ireland. We shall take a day to celebrate your country in light of this and many other creations you gave to the world...

So, here you are sitting in your local tavern at 9:01am on a Friday deciding what is to be poured to celebrate this holiday celebrating all that is Irish. May we suggest a few fingers of whiskey and perhaps some corn beef and cabbage to help you become a temporary Irishman?

Just the Whiskey, Barkeep

There are several ways to enjoy whiskey, my friend. One could order up a round on the rocks, meaning in a small glass over ice; neat, which is just the spirit and nothing else (this method of ingestion grows the most chest hair), or in a finely crafted cocktail. If you are a true aficionado of a finely-aged distillation, though, over ice is arguably the choice serving style, as the water will help open up the flavors.

Irish Coffee

Why wait until the local pubs open to partake in the festivities? You can get your Ireland on right in the comfort of your cubicle...er home. As the National Drink of High School Counselors, this tasty elixir is the perfect combination of your much-needed caffeine hit and booze - perfectly masked under the guise of just a fancy flavored coffee. O'Brilliant! All you need is coffee and some Jameson Irish Whiskey® and a splash of Bailey's Irish Cream®. So, go ahead, give this drink a try - in broad daylight, even. Nobody will ever know.

Jameson Whiskey and Ginger Beer

We are going to dive right into the business of finding your festive side with the fantastic Jameson and Ginger Beer. What? You haven't heard of this amazing combination? If not, you haven't lived, my friend. We know you are familiar with Jameson. It's the Irish whiskey of choice and nearly every bar has it. What you may not have heard of is mixing it with ginger beer. This is an excellent drink with some ginger bite. Be prepared, though, as some local water holes may not have is ginger beer on hand. You may even rouse a sneer from your barista, if you ask with too much bravado! If there is no ginger beer in sight, fear not, you can order up a Jameson and Ginger Ale, instead...which is almost as good, but lacks that ginger bite. The "Jamo & Ginger" is a great drink, because it will tastes similar to a cream soda and goes down almost as easy.

Irish Car Bomb

We may have to step up the insanity with a drink that pushes the limits of controlled gulping - and is not an Irish drink, at all. The Irish Car Bomb is a drink that may have crossed paths with you in college (or grade school, if you were a real degenerate) that is 1 part Guinness®, 1 part Irish whiskey and 1 part Bailey's Irish Cream. The shot glass of whiskey and Irish cream mix is dropped into a 2/3 glass of Guinness and then chugged like the behemoth you are. It tastes a bit like a milkshake and a bit like bad decisions. Although the name really should be something more PC, it is still something you may want to try just to say you have.

There are many more drinks using whiskey as the base lubricant for socializing, but we chose the most suited for such a fine holiday to partake in. It is only fitting. So, get out there gentlemen, for today you do not need to be Irish to put on a green shirt, spin some bagpipe music and drink until you understand Gaelic. Cheers!

-modulo man

[modulomen-blog]

Master of the Grill - Vol. 1

Those warm spring days are fast-approaching when the temperature permits outdoor activities and your friends begin request that BBQ you always promise, but fail to deliver. This time it will be different. This time you will be prepared to have your friends over, because this time you will be the master of the grill. Your meats will be the fairest in all the land and your will conquer the fire like our caveman ancestors - only you will have a beer in your hand, a song in your heart and a swagger in your step...with most of your arm hair and clothes intact.

Outdoor Grillin' 101

Look friends, we are not culinary chefs over here, but we do know a thing or two about proper grilling and how to host a magnanimous BBQ that rivals any organized feasting event featuring fire-kissed meats, cold beverages and good times.

Gas, Charcoal or Semi-controlled Bonfire

Regardless of the fuel source you will be harnessing to turn your meats into savory offerings, the concept is the same - you are going to need heat and something to hold the meat to get the job done safely. We prefer a propane gas grill, because our fancy-ass set up works very well, but your method can be be any of the following or combination thereof.

Gas Grillin'

Gas grills are convenient if you prefer no-hassle cooking and reliability. You know that when you step up to the grill and push that little clicky igniter thingy, it will fire up and be at your service - everytime*. Additionally, you can learn the hot spots of your grill and count on it each time you cook. What is a hot spot, you inquire? The heat beneath the grates of your grill is not typically uniform. There may be areas where the heat is always more intense - this is a hot spot. As you use your grill more, you will learn these spots and use them to your advantage. For example, if you are grilling different sizes or types of meat you can use the hotter spot to cook meats faster, so that all of your offerings are done at the same time. You can also use hot spots to sear meats then move your animal cuts to the an area of the grill without heat being applied underneath. This is called indirect cooking, which is a way of cooking slower and retaining moisture. This is done with the lid closed, so that the heat from the sources circulates around the meat to cook, rather than from beneath. There are many different ways to cook on a grill, but the point of this article to to understand the basics. More on actual cooking methods based on meat cuts and the alignment of the sun and moon coming soon!

*HERO TIP! If you are hosting a BBQ, make sure to check your propane tank level beforehand. Just reach under your grill through all those disgusting spider webs and lift up on the cylinder. The tank should be pretty heavy - shake it a little and you should feel something sloshing around in there. Empty tanks are around 15 to 17 lbs, where full tanks are around 37 lbs. You'll be happy you checked!

Charcoal Grillin'

Charcoal grills are a little more involved, but worth the struggle...to a point. Now look, we know there are some bearded fellows out there that argue only a really BBQ can be done on charcoal grill, and they are right. Yep. Charcoal grillin' offers a much more smokey/woodsy/BBQy taste and boldly states to your guests that you are the manliest man on planet earth and your penis has a full name and is registered to vote. The work needed to get a charcoal grill raging hot, however, takes a bit more understanding and time. The charcoal needs to burn for a bit to become the red-hot heat source before being spread evenly around the grill to cook over. Food can be cooked very well, but because the embers are spread around by you, the hot spots change each time you prepare your grill. Getting the embers going can be a bit tricky, too. To help the process, commercially available charcoal bricks are made with lighter fluid, helping to burn them thoroughly. To really get your embers prepared the easiest way, you can utilize a coal starter chimney. These ingenious tools are amazing and in no way considered cheating. Aside from getting your coals going on the first shot, you can do it in a much shorter amount of time, which means animal meat (and plant proteins - if that is your thing) can be in your face much faster. So, as you can see, this type of grilling requires more patience and understanding of heat transfer, but can be worth it in flavor at the end.

Open Fire Cooking

Cooking over an open fire is probably the closest you will ever come to riding a horse into battle with a cape around your massive neck and lightning bolt in your hand. The act of cooking the catch of the day over a raging fire is not for the beginner BBQist. Admittedly, cub scouts may do this in the woods, but listen fellow men, we are talking about a fire of burning timbers, logs and full size trees with enough heat to cook a feast for a small village - because this is your BBQ event and you are in charge of serving everyone until they are beyond satiated.

If you are going to attempt this style of cooking it requires the fuel source to be somewhat safe. So, do not cook over burning car tires, burning dumpster fires and fires with burning plastics. Use hardwoods as your fuel, because the smoke and toxic chemicals wafting up from the depths of your hell fire are going to stick to your meat and end up in your intestinal tract. The apparatus you use to hold your meat needs to allow for adequate room, as well. Do not cook your meats directly in the flames - rather above them at a distance where you can regulate the heat to around 350-500 degrees.  Think back to the times you would toast marshmallows over a camp fire and actually let it cook without holding it in the flames, thus creating a flaming torch of sugary napalm. The marshmallow turned a nice tan color and allowed the inside to get all gooey - perfect for s'mores. This is how you want to cook over an open fire.

When left in the wilderness to your own devices, this may be the only way to cook - which can be deemed survival cooking. Maybe we should stick to gas and charcoal for now. It is much easier to control the fire within a grill than the one in your yard, which brings us to our next point: fire control.

You are the Battalion Chief - Control the Fire

You are cooking with heat, Mr. Guy. It is your job as grill master to ensure that your food is cooked without being burned. Some of the meats you choose to grill will release their tasty greases as they cook, which can cause flares (when the flames of hell lash upward in a rage to grab anything in its path - like your arm hair). Ifflares are left unattended, your meat will burn to a rock-like state, which most people do not enjoy eating. If you notice that your grill tends to flare up often, keep a spray bottle of water handy and mist those flames into submission. Do this with caution and limited water, though, because grease can spread taking flames with it, then you will have another situation on your hands. You should also make sure that loose clothing is not in the path of a rogue flare, as well. PRO TIP! Sometimes we grill without a shirt to show the meats who is boss, but that can lead to singed chest and arm hair, and that smells funky. Whether using the clothed or shirtless method, remember watch out for those flares.

Fire control doesn't just mean cooking without burning your meats - fire is dangerous, in general. You inherently know this, because you are the same person that put your hand into the burner on the stove as a child...or was that us? Either way, after the skin grafts we learned that fire is hot and therefore dangerous. Your home is probably made of materials that do not mix well with fire. As the master of the dwelling, it is you responsibility to control the fire and keep your home standing after the guests leave. We suggest utilizing common sense when grilling and make sure that the only fuel you are using is within the grill. Keep gas grills outside and away from overhanging roof lines and trees. This goes for open fires, as well. You should not start an open fire in your home. Fires like this would fall under the category "not smart" and would more accurately be labeled a home fire. Do not cook with a home fire.

Act the Part

As your guests start to shuffle into your personal space, make sure that you greet them while standing near the grill. By having your guests greet you near the open flames, you will be putting your expertise on display without having to say anything. Most guests will quietly reflect upon this scene and receive your statement of fire dominance. Furthermore, it is important to remain near the fire box at all times during your soiree and flip the meats and food stuffs while making little to no eye contact with any guest. You should still carry on a conversation with the other men that are swarming around the grill like moths to a flame, but keep the conversation directed the the grill. Remember, the meat is your entertainment right now.

Look the Part

They say that looking like you know what you're doing is infinitely more important than actually knowing what you're doing. (Maybe we made that up...) To look like you have everything under control, make sure that you always have a cold beverage in your hand - this can be a bottle beer, iced tea with bottle of beer or a glass wine and a bottle of beer. Stand in either a "fighting stance" or a "crouched stance" if cooking on a stubby hibachi, to intimidate the meat and wield your weapons of grilling battle. The primary weapons are the oversized tongs and huge spatula. Always hold your tongs and spatula in both hands, while also tightly grasping that beer bottle. Do not underplay the importance of your weapons, friends. These seemingly ordinary utensils are crucial in the fight for grilling dominance. If displayed correctly, there will be no confusion as to who is grilling. It's you; it always was you.

Now that you have a limp understanding of grilling methods, actions and the tools of the trade, you can continue your quest for knowledge of meat selections, cooking tips and serving it up like the Chief Grilling Officer you are destined to become. Stay tuned! 

 -modulo man

A sincere note from the writer: We really do take grilling seriously. That is all.

[modulomen-blog]

Foot Care Done Right

Do you find yourself feeling a touch melancholy when faced with ridicule over your unkempt feet? Like most unfortunate situations in life, change can happen now. Here are a few tips on proper foot maintenance that can change your life and the lives of so many disgusted people around you.

Being the sexy man-beast you are is no easy task. The burden of the title alone will weigh you down and keep you from focusing on all the tasks at hand to maintain the very title. You need to walk tall, dear reader, and step with confidence, and there is no better way to take that step than on a well-groomed foot.

Your feet are like little hands at the end of your leg branches. Just like your hands, proper care needs to be taken to prevent mass evacuations when exposing them to the light of day. Let's begin with some easy feats of maintenance to get you on your journey to foot greatness - pun(s) intended.

1. Clip those nails, for crying out loud

Just because your feet are jammed into those stylish shoes all day, doesn't mean you should let the nails on them get out of control. This is where "out of sight, out of mind" should not be your mantra. All you need to do it buy yourself a pair of nail clippers and trim them down. We suggest using the bigger clippers for greater control and leverage - like a business tactic. If you do not know what we are talking about, check it out: There are two different sizes of nail clippers - a small one for your arm hands and a larger one for your leg hands. Use the larger type to help cut through those ignored nails of massive thickness and girth.

PRO TIP! If you do not know the right time to clip your toes nails, look to your socks for guidance - are you putting holes in them at the toes? Yes? This is a sign that your nails have exceeded a safe length and need to be tamed.

2. Wash your dogs

We can assume that you may not actually scrub your feet in the shower...because we don't - or didn't - until we were left standing at the altar with a note reading, "Your Feet Make Me Physically Ill". Now that we have learned the error of our dirty ways, we wash them in the shower. It's super easy to actually pick up our feet - one at a time (not both at the same time, silly bastard) and scrub them with some body soap. Just like everything else on your animal-like body, your feet need to be cleaned. Over time that noxious odor will [may] subside. Some men do have a natural odor that wafts out after sweating, even if well cleaned, for you guys try powders that help wick away moisture and cover up nature's cruel tricks.

2a. Use a pumice stone

Want to go the extra mile in foot care? Remove dead, flaky skinbits with a pumice stone. After your 45 minute shower the skin on your feet is a little softer which is the best time to take a pumice stone and grind your razor sharp heel skin down to a softer, more pleasant level. Think of it like sandpaper - but for your feet. You do not need to do this every day - maybe once every two weeks or so. You can also hide it from your significant other, friends and neighbors. Seriously, nobody needs to know - just you and the walls. After you do this a few times you will feel the difference - especially when rubbing your feet on your lady in bed. She wont scream in pain and you wont be tearing the sheets up. Everyone wins!

3. Moisturize

Yep - we are suggesting applying moisturizing lotions to your feet.  Your feet have skin too - sometimes they use the same skin as the rest of your body! This foot skin needs to be moisturized and taken care of just like all other types of skin. Keeping your feet moisturized also helps prevent dryness and itching. Over time your feet will feel amazing and may also start looking more presentable and glorious in the raw light of day. Maybe you could be the next foot model, like the one at the top of this article.

4. Get massages

We saved this tip for last, because we know that most men recoil in fear to the thought of having another human's finger betwixt the toes. This, friends, is not something to be embarrassed over. It is human nature to recoil with such violence that you unintentionally strike and/or knock out the masseuse that dared to touch the most sensitive area on your body. [not including the dangly zone] If you are able to allow another human to give you a foot massage, you will reap the benefits for years to come. A good foot massage helps to ease muscle tension, improve blood flow and make you purr like the lion you are.

There you have it. Try implementing some of these practices into your grooming routine and get going now. Remember, the more contact your feet have with broad daylight, the less offensive they will be when you unveil them next time in a public setting. You may actually start wearing sandals with your suits to the office to show off your mastery of foot maintenance.

 -modulo man

[modulomen-blog]

Don't Play with Your Food

You are here because you are an intellectual on a quest for knowledge.

Your thirst for knowledge has brought you to this reading in an effort to learn about yourself, your surrounds and how to take control of everything and become a hero [see: man]. You are the man - now receive answers to the questions you probably never asked about food and the huMAN body.

Why cucumbers?

First of all...no. The theory behind the practice of applying cold vegetation to your face is that swelling and puffiness can be reduced due to some of the antioxidants found within the cucumber and the coolness can further help drive fluid buildup out. There are studies that prove this can have a benefit, but the practice does not seem to fit well within a real man's morning routine. Besides, This image is something we have all seen - when analyzed for effectiveness the conclusion just comes up that it is hilarious looking and cucumbers are supposed to be pickled and delicious and served on a hamburger.

Raw steak to heal a black eye?

Everyone who has walked the earth can picture a giant raw steak on a black eye - neat. Aside from the fact that this remedy has been a staple of fantastic cartoon knee slappers, there is a reason behind the method.

It is quite simple in that there is no straightforward simple answer. Some people believe that the idea came from the past when ice was scarce and meat could be better formed to the face to transfer cold - which helps swelling and drives out fluid buildup. Other theories were written on our notepad, but that last one seemed to be the most realistic to put in this article. Either way, the idea may sound idiotic these days, but the act of using raw animal cuts to heal a bruised eye socket is up there on the manly list. 

Salt Baths? 

The human body is a strange and mysterious machine. The idea of soaking in a large pot, sometimes referred to as a "tub" with epsom salt is that salts absorb through the skin to help keep moisture and ease muscle tension after long days of chopping wood and dragging suitable mates back to your hut. These soaking sessions have some scientific backing and can be a good practice to aid in the longevity of your machine. The actual time it takes, however, can make this more of a luxury for the time crunched man.   

If you are able to set aside time to marinate in the salts, try and practice true time management and get those other tasks checked off your list - anything that does not involve electricity, really. It can become a staple in your regimen for living a healthy, well balanced life. Just don't tell the ladies that your soaking experience is enhanced with lavender candles and that John Tesh CD that your previous girlfriend left in your automobile.

We will keep that our little secret.  

-modulo man

[modulomen-blog]

Awareness Now!

We are here to make you look good. No, it is not just about skin on this site - it is about everything men, er, post-cave beasts; we aren't biased. Now we bring you a few good tips when trying to look the part of a well put together man.

Tend to the hair on your [brow] [ears] [nose]

It is annoying to have to constantly trim the hair that burdens the face, admit it. We have fond memories of the first time shaving and how great it felt to all but massacre our faces with a safety razor. "I am a real man, now!", we thought to ourselves as the hormones began their lifelong tirade on our bodies. Oddly enough, we only learned how to notice the hair below our eyes, above our shoulders and on the front side of our melon...which leaves our some critical areas that can turn off a woman faster than your need to belt out player stats during an NBA game you dragged her to on your second date (more on this later, noble reader). Allow us to point your attention to the waste land between your eyebrows - yep, that little area there - now you are seeing it for the first time. That, sir, is referred to as the "unibrow" and yours could be as glorious as ever. It is time to get out the hedge trimmers and go to work on creating the illusion that you got this. We prefer a straight micro trimmer to shaving, but it is your call. Anything but waxing, that is unless you have a thing for pain. Either way, make sure that the little section there above your nose - between your eye brows - is nice and clean. While you are at it, go at the giant hairs sticking out of your ears and nose, too. If they aren't there yet, wait a couple years and they will show up to the party. Bottom line - keep an eye out for hair encroaching on your game.

Match your leathers

This one should be common sense, but we are going to point it out to make ourselves look smart. When you are putting on your walking clothes for a night out, a night in, or a night of work, remember to match your leathers. It is easiest to start with the shoes. What are you wearing on your feet? If the shoes you chose to round out your style today are brown, wear a brown belt to hold those trousers up. It helps to have a brown band on your watch, assuming it is not metal, you fancy bastard.

BONUS POINTS: To really kick it up to the level of GQ subscriber, use a brown wallet to hold your folding money and make sure the main metals (i.e. belt buckle, watch clasps and and jewelry) are of the same type.

Trim your nails

This one is pretty self explanatory. Take the time to keep your finger nails in check. If your typing sounds like that admin assistant with the huge press on nails, it is time to go to work on those things. While you are at it, take a look at the 10 nails on your feet. If you find that you go through socks at an alarming rate, it could signal the need to whittle down your nails. Gone are the days of painting our grown out nails and playing with Barbie dolls...if that was your thing. It was not our thing, man. Whatever.

Know your jackets

If you are dressing to impress and you are looking to wear a jacket, know what type to wear with jeans for a business casual night on the town. We could spend hours writing about fashion...but let's not. This is just a quick tip article, so let's do just that. Never, under any circumstance, wear a suit jacket as a blazer. The difference between the two is that a suit jacket is made with a pair of slacks from the same piece of fabric, whereas the blazer is a jacket without matching slacks designed to be worn with different color slacks, jeans, shorts (not jean shorts) and anything else other than a pair of slacks of the same color and fabric. Now, before you fire up your keyboard to slam some knowledge back at us, please let us elaborate - this is a topic of debate as fashion is ever-changing, but our reason is beyond just fashion. The suit is designed to be worn together - jacket and slacks. If a suit jacket is worn often without the matching slacks the uniform look can be compromised when worn together, as the suit jacket could look more worn. Word fight avoided!

Shoes

Black sneakers do not pass as dress shoes with slacks of any kind. We are done here.

And there you have it - some quick tips to help you not look like the awkward, hairy kid that raided his father's closet before heading to prom. The prom we are referring to is life. Life Prom '17.

-modulo man

[modulomen-blog]

Attack Hand Care Like a Professional

A while back I was showing my new Harley-Davidson Street Glide [unpaid product promotion!] to a friend on mine and without hesitation he reached out and rubbed the gas tank and fairing and offered up his observation without being prompted, "Wow, this paint is smoooooth, man."  Yep. I knew that bit of intel without him putting his hands all over my brand new motorcycle to confirm.

This upsetting exchange made me think about hands and how we have been told our entire lives by those much more seasoned to keep them to ourselves. Hands - those claws on the ends of our swinging sticks that make everything possible and separate us from the beasts...sorta. Keep them to ourselves, yes, but keep them healthy and maintained - that is another undertaking altogether.

Hands Need to Be Maintained

I have a small problem with washing my hands, in that I do it too often. I need my hands to feel clean at all times to function in the world and it has been like this from a young age. Since I was that smaller version of myself I washed so much that I would literally dry out my skin and cause cracking, which sometimes led to bleeding. Not cool.

So, as you can imagine, from a very young age I have been moisturizing my hands in an effort to be healthy, look healthy and not raise too many questions when sitting in meetings, reaching for a handshake or flipping someone off in LA traffic. In my quest for non-offensive hands I have learned some things...

It Starts with the Soap

First things first - the type of hand soap you use makes a big difference in the dryness of your mitts. Over the past few years I began using natural soaps without harsh lab-made chemicals and it made a HUGE difference. It seems that the more harsh hand soaps strip essential oils from your skin which leads to dryness and cracking. Now that I use more natural soaps, the dryness has been reduced from the start.

Use Lotions with a Good Balance of Emollients and Humectants

Big words! This took a while to figure out for my personal needs - emollients are the lubricants in lotions that create the slippery feeling you get right after application. Emollients include lanolin, JoJoba oil and sqaulene. On the other hand (see what I did there), humectants are the ingredients that draw moisture in from the air around to keep skin hydrated. Look for ingredients like Hyaluronic acid, glycerin and sorbitol - these are all humectants. Personally, I do not like the feeling of slippery fingers, especially when typing or chopping down a 22' fir tree in the woods on December 15th this past year. Not only can an axe fly out of your hands, but that feeling is not cool for so many other daily life activities. So, I try to use lotions that contain more humectants than emollients relying more on drawing outside moisture in and less on the lubricants during the day - which leads me to:

Number of Applications

So, it is true, moving to LA from New York has left some of my friends to find me more "fancy" than before. Yes, I eat mostly organic food, Quinoa is an actual food, and I have multiple moisturizers for various times of the day. I always moisturize directly after a shower with lotions that have a good amount of emollients. While I am putting clothes on my machine, my finger pads dry out and I am left with the grip to do my man things in the day - swell, indeed. Throughout the day I use hand lotions that are less lubricants and more humectants, so I am not compromising my grip and sanity while trying to take lids off things and use a pen. Which leaves bedtime - this is where the magic happens. I use a very heavy lotion that can moisturize a rhino's knee cap. The idea is to let the heavy stuff work on my worn skin while I slumber.

Its More than Just the Skin

Keeping your arm claws moisturized is more than just not looking dry; it is about keeping your skin, nails and nail beds healthy. Nobody likes hangnails and dried fingernail beds - it looks bad and it is a sign of unhealthy skin.

Bringing me to my final point...

Keep Your Damn Hands Off My Motorcycle

Swinging it back around full circle, you may be asking yourself, "What is wrong with touching paint on a motorcycle and what does that have to do with moisturizing my hands?" The short answer; everything and preventing your hands from being broken by a biker. You see, friend, paint is meant to be looked at and touched by the eyes. There is an underlying respect for the team of people that came together to design such great works of rolling art like motorcycles, cars and the 1966 Jaguar E Type Roadster - this is art for the eyes, not your hands - and the more hydrated and soft your hands are, the less you will scratch the paint when you reach out to touch it to confirm its beauty. But, I digress.

The bottom line is to maintain your hands the way you are supposed to. Doesn't having well-hydrated, smooth hand skin© sound good to you? Healthy hydrated hands are the best; If not for you, do it for your family, significant other or pet. Ask them - they will all agree - well kept hands are nice. They also display your firm grasp on life and the responsibilities you have as a walking, talking, clothes-wearing beast.

-modulo man