excerpts from a book i'll never write

i'm just a girl trying to write something meaningful. it's a work in progress. these thoughts are my own. enjoy!

[thingsnobodywillread]

Fine Line, Harry Styles

we’ll be alright, you whispered

even as

our world was crumbling,

the flames threatening to engulf us

and you slipped away from me,

you said it so confidently, too,

leaving me with no choice but

to believe you,

because how could i not, until

i blinked and was left standing

alone

clinging to the lie i still believed

even as

you walked away, dragging your promises

behind you

[thingsnobodywillread]

[thingsnobodywillread]

[thingsnobodywillread]

[thingsnobodywillread]

I woke up with your name on my lips, so I whispered it to the morning sun, and prayed that I ran into you in an ocean of strangers.

L. W - excerpt from a book I’ll never write #91

[thingsnobodywillread]

You wanted a fire so I proceeded to set myself alight [and not I'm the only one burning].

L. W - excerpt from a book I’ll never write #90

[thingsnobodywillread]

I was feeling like a fool because here I was, again, offering my heart to someone else for safekeeping. But you smiled and your eyes spoke worlds into being, and even though I'm bound to lose at least I can, for now, get up from the sidelines.

L. W - excerpt from a book I’ll never write #89

[thingsnobodywillread]

You asked me once how much I loved you.  I said, "to the ends of the earth." "Be serious," you replied.  But I was. And even if I could speak every language known you still would not understand.

L. W - excerpt from a book I’ll never write #88

[thingsnobodywillread]

A kiss is just a kiss but a heartbeat speaks what the mouth refuses.

L. W - excerpt from a book I’ll never write #87

[thingsnobodywillread]

"Tell me what goodbye means," I whisper. Trying not to make eye contact. Wishing this was all a dream. Wishing that I had a wicked imagination and that you were not walking away from me But here I am - lost in a nightmare, in a maze of ignorance. I was using my hands as a guide but attracted monsters around every corner [sometimes those monsters were you] [sometimes they were me] I had lost a sense of direction but then wondered why it was anchored to someone else in the first place When did I give this up and made the decision to be less than. I was a flame burning and a wave crashing. I was a damn snowflake [but I was lost in an avalanche] and I was destroying everything in my path and I didn't care because this was what I was born to do [apparently] And who am I to question anything [I should question everything] but everything changes and I didn't change with it which was the worst thing to do [but this was the worst thing you could do]

L.W | I am a damn snowflake | free writing | 3 October 2018

[thingsnobodywillread]

We are so good at small talk [but i'm bigger than this] and we disappear [like we never even existed] but I'm still here, despite [because of] everything.

L. W - excerpt from a book I’ll never write #86

[thingsnobodywillread]

Heaven help a fool who falls in love [and I've been foolish] but this is heaven [and a million blissful universes in one]

L. W - excerpt from a book I’ll never write #85

[thingsnobodywillread]

When we were staring at each other - raw and honest and completely exposed - I realised I was a fool for thinking [hoping] that this could be more than it ever was.

L. W. -  excerpt from a book I’ll never write #84

[thingsnobodywillread]

I've always been a lost cause [you knew that, right?] I kept dreaming of ways to escape and you were grounded in reality [stuck] And I was meant to fly [I just needed to find my wings]

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #83

[thingsnobodywillread]

"You are a world on fire," I said, refusing to meet his eyes. "You show me the way and even then I can't find my way to you."

excerpt from a book I’ll never write #82

[thingsnobodywillread]

I get caught up in the space between make believe and reality. I dream to the point of no return. I conjure up conversations with you. I am a magician and you are the magic. I create your essence and imagine you to life. It's a blurred line - what is and what isn't and what I want it to be. Because it never is. Not yet, anyhow. I am the creator of my own fantasy and you are the star. The stars that shine, that light the way, that I use for navigation. And gravity always brings me back to you. A forcefield of what can be. Conversations outside of Brian Lara Rum Eatery. Whispers over breakfast at the Whippet. Promises over wine and music playing too loud and not loud enough. You are an image but you are also real. You are just not my reality - not yet. You have a million names but one day I will call you by one. But for now, I'm here, and I'm waiting.  And I'm making up conversations so that I know what to say when I meet you for real.

L.W | I am a magician and you are the magic | free writing | 9 August 2018

[thingsnobodywillread]

I wanted you so badly but you could be anyone. I was kissing strangers in bars for a drink, for a touch, for a little bit of attention. I craved attention and I craved you. The unknown. A promise not yet fulfilled. My hands were broken from holding on for so long. I was locked in a room. Lost in the dark but in familiar territory. I'm so tired now. Tired of flying, of jumping through windows and doors and at every opportunity that could lead me to you. And I craved a touch. Your touch. My name on your lips and my hand through your hair. I wish for a life that is mine. A life where I'm wanted, a life where I am first. And I pray for patience. For confidence in what life has in store for me. For excitement that, for now, I am free to do what I wanted. To not be selfish with my time. I am twisted, lost in the woods of my childhood. I am wrapped up in my past. I am a gift you can't return. I am happiness and sadness. I am adventure and I am timid. I am all I ever wanted  to be. I am nothing. No. I am a work in progress. I am progress.

L.W | I am patience | free writing | 15 July 2018