MNN

Mogdoc News Network

[mogdocnews]

Top 10 Better Uses for a Black Suit

The humans call them the "Men in Black". These formally dressed do-gooders are a constant thorn in the Empire's side. Therefore, in dishonor of the premiere of Men in Black III, we at Mogdoc News count down the Top 10 Better Uses for a Black Suit.

10. Impersonate life insurance salesman, collect and run

9. Cover up an unsightly stain or girlfriend

8. Wear backwards and securely pin arms for a stylin' straightjacket that your asylum inmates will go crazyfor

7. Tie up ends of pant legs, stuff with hams and hang in smokehouse to cure

6. Take your Wayne Newton impression to a whole new level 

5. Gothic quilt

4. Secretly remove stitching from bottoms of all pockets, give suit to compulsive shoplifter, watch the fun

3. Upholster a vampire's casket or an elegant footstool

2. Cut off legs, sew hem-to-hem...giraffe neckwarmer!

1. Three words...Awesome.Scare.Crow.

Brought to you by the Midnight Guardian Series, teen paranormal novels by Bryna Butler on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iBooks, Sony, and more.

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Human Victoria Counts renders drawing of us; attention to detail is outstanding [Mogdoc Drawing Contest Winner, 2012]

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Lifestyle: Inspiring Spring Break Destinations

The Empress recently proclaimed next week as "Spring Break", a time for relaxation. The royal offices of the Citadel will be closed for the entire week. At the Empress's suggestion, several mogdocs under her employ will utilize the time off for travel across the continent.

With that in mind, MNN presents the Top 5 Inspiring Destinations across our beautiful continent of Atlantis.

5. The Beaches of Longmar & The National Gammen Monument

Commissioned by and honoring Empress Broo Gammen, the monument features a colorful, pulsating light display against the dark sky. We suggest viewing it from the beautiful white sand beaches. Be sure to bring a blanket. 

4. The Sacred Caverns below the Citadel

3. West Woods

If you're looking for exceptional hunting grounds, you will find them in the West Woods. It's a place where nature remains untouched by civilization as babbling brooks wind around stately trees. Bring a compass and hiking boots for your week in the outdoors.

2. Elsted Overlook

This spot high in the mountains above the mogdoc Citadel is quite a journey, but well worth the effort. From the overlook, one can see nearly the entire guardian village of Elsted. For those not amused by mouse-watching, the location is optimal for skiing. Rental shacks are located at the south entrance.

1. The Atlantean Library

Recently reopened by historians, this once great library still boasts its original collection of over 50,000 tomes. The guided tour beneath the library to the rare book alcove for a special viewing of the Scroll of Rocknid is pricey, but highly recommended.

http://brynabutler.wordpress.com/books/

[mogdocnews]

Business News: New Human "Hunger Games" Film Provides Practical Tips for Successful Event Planning

Recently, scouts recovered a film from the other side of the barrier. The video tagged "The Hunger Games" appears to be an event case study which offers practical tips for planning a major sporting event.

1) Leave one person alive, they can serve as a reminder

2) Certain berries are poisonous to humans and result in immediate death

3) Never underestimate the enemy

The Sect of Low is currently reviewing the film in the hope of gleaning additional tips should the barrier be penetrated. Members of the Empress's staff confirm that experiments on the barrier continue.

More at http://brynabutler.wordpress.com/books/

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[mogdocnews]

Feature Story: Secrets from the Werewolf Whisperer

Tucked away in a remote part of the West Woods is a cabin where Artemo the Werewolf Whisperer lives and works. MNN recently caught up with him to get his advice for spring training.

Artemo's cabin doesn't look like much. Our reporters approached with caution. Not because of his security measures, but because they were very afraid that the structure would fall down on top of them. However, soon the door opened and our team found themselves inside the headquarters of the Empire's most acclaimed werewolf trainer.

According to Artemo, male wolves are easier to train than females. He jokingly referred to the female of the species as being as stubborn as their mogdoc counterparts.

His second bit of advice is to never use a spray bottle to deter bad behavior. "Unlike domesticated canines these beasts will not respond to a bit of water in the face. In fact, it enrages them," Artemo commented. "Instead, use patience, plenty of it. And don't underestimate the power of a silver bullet to the hindquarters."

[mogdocnews]

Holiday News: Exploding Valentines Make Brilliant Debut

All eyes are on the new Empress this St. Valentine's Day.  One merchant hopes to attract her royal attention with a wicked new twist on the sentimental standby, the valentine.

Garnop's Gadgets recently unveiled its new "Burning Love Valentine". The valentine is packed with explosives and detonates on contact making it the must-have item for anyone from the part-time con to the seasoned super villain. Mogdocs across the banished continent are scrambling to get their own...before their neighbors do.

[mogdocnews]

Health & Beauty: 5 Steps to a Deadly New You

Whether you're stepping out to steal treasure or stabbing a comrade in the back, every mogdoc wants to look their very best. Add these simply tips to your beauty regimen for a deadly new you.

1. Sharpen claws daily. A sharpened claw is a weapon that's always close by.

2. Mist gills. We don't use them for breathing, but they still make a statement when we get angry or boastful. Accent them with a light spray to enhance the effect.

3. Exercise with a little swordplay. It's a great way to build muscle tone, working both your arms and legs, and you pick up a helpful skill too.

4. Brighten those pearly whites. Nothing is more intimidating than sparkling white fangs.

5. Work on that evil laugh. It can be a short mwah, or a longer muwhaaaa, or maybe mix it up with a deep huu huu huu. Everyone is a little different, so take some time to see what works best for you.

[mogdocnews]

Feature Story: Emperor Bov Gammen's Lost Interview

The Mogdoc News Network presents a never-before published interview with the late Emperor of the Mogdoc Empire, Bov Gammen. The content of the lost interview indicates that it was conducted prior to the emergence of the alleged guardian "child of sun and moon". Censored and published under the guidance and permission of the Gammen royal family. Long live the house of Gammen!

MNN: Welcome everyone. Today we have an extraordinary guest, one above all others, for today we are joined by none other than the High Emperor himself, Bov Gammen. We'll talk about his life as ruler of the Mogdoc Empire and his vision for the future. Emperor, may I start off by saying what an honor it is for me to have you in our offices today.

EG: You may.

MNN: Thank you. Let's start off by talking about your beginnings. As the eldest son of Emperor Bo Gammen, one of the most feared beings in all of creation, you certainly had some big shoes to fill. Could you tell us a little about your relationship with your father?

EG: My father lived the oath of his position. He used his vast intellect to maintain the power of the Empire and his skilled body to defend his people. He ruled, as I do now, without mercy.   

MNN: And specifically, could you tell us about your relationship with your father?

EG: I just did. This is an insipid line of questioning. Move on.

MNN: Right. Okay then, let's move into the present. What do you find to be the most challenging part of your duties?

EG: This interview strikes me as one of the most tedious. However, if I had to choose I would say that destroying the barrier is my biggest challenge.

MNN: Ah, yes. The barrier that separates the Mogdoc Empire from the human world. No mogdoc has been able to cross it...none except for you, of course.

EG: And my offspring.

MNN: Certainly, your children, Prince Brun and Princess Broo share that same special ability. How interesting. It is my understanding that they were both born and raised on the human side of the barrier since, of course, time stands still on this side. Could it be that you have also kept them outside the Empire for their protection against the guardians?

EG: The guardians are nothing but pests. I fear no mouse.

MNN: Well put, Emperor, but our readers want to know if you put any stock in the child of sun and moon prophecy, "A child born of sun and moon will impart a human gift to bring forth the fall of the house of Gammen."

EG: It's nothing more than a fairy tale, a bedtime story that guardians tell their children when they tuck them into their little, smushy beds and slobber on their forehead before turning off the light.

MNN: But it could be argued that our own Scroll of Rocknid in fact confirms that the prophecy is based in truth.

EG: Are you saying that a mere child could defeat me?

MNN: No! I didn't...

EG: You did and now you will pay for your treasonous rhetoric.

The interview ends abruptly there. Thanks for joining us for Emperor Bov Gammen's Lost Interview.

Click here to return to Bryna Butler's post to view villain interviews from indie authors

[mogdocnews]

Investigative Reports: Are Vampires Really the Best Getaway Car Drivers?

As everyone knows, vampires are a rarity. They are often sought out for jobs that require a certain amount of finesse. So we wanted to ask,

Are vampires really the best getaway car drivers?

Here are the pros and cons:

Pro: Super fast speed and reflexes

Con: You'll always need to have a motion sickness bag close by

Pro: They don't eat fast food, so no annoying wrappers cluttering the passenger seat

Con: They don't eat fast food, so look for an annoying dead man in the passenger seat

Pro: They don't have a conscious; so everything's fair game

Con: Even your take

Con: A stick can bring them to a stand still

Con: They don't have a soul to sell

Con: They always refuse to chip in on gas

Are vampires really the best getaway car drivers? We say, "No". Before your next big heist, tell Vlad to stay at home and pick up a werewolf on the way.

[mogdocnews]

Money Matters: Top 10 Time Saving Tips for the Truly Deranged

10. Always put your dragon away immediately after using it. It will take twice as long to clean it up later.

9. When sorting evil plans, be sure to discard the ridiculous ones instead of setting them aside for review later. Evil plans don't get better with age.

8. When getting dressed in the morning, put your hand in the closet and put on the first thing you pull out. You'll save tons of time and if you are truly deranged (or if you just want to appear that way), does it really matter what you wear?

7. A snitch in time saves nine.

6. Presort your weapons before battle.

5. Put the kids to work. Labor laws are for bleeding hearts.

4. Create bullet points for your super-villian rant and stick to it. Evil geniuses tend to ramble on and divulge too much info.

3. Keep important dates, secret launch codes, and ransom demands on a calendar or in a planner. You can steal one and save money too!

2. Use fireballs for fast cooking.

1. Cryogenics is cool...literally! Freeze your assistant now for use later.

[mogdocnews]

Investigative Reports: Brun Gammen...Repentant Prince or Double Spy?

The past year has had its highs and lows for the royal family. First, they mourned the untimely passing of Emperor Gammen. We were all shocked by the announcement of his successor, not the eldest male of the family, but his daughter. Then, a rebellion led by his son saw its end before it really had a beginning. Siblings faced off and Broo Gammen won out and was crowned Empress of the Empire.

In the center of it all was the late Emperor's son, Brun. Called by some "The Lost Prince", Gammen publicly admits that at first he was opposed to the crowning of his sister.

"The crown falls to the eldest male. That's as it was written. The reason why my father chose to ignore tradition is beyond my reckoning," Gammen said in an early interview with this news organization.

Since that time, something has changed within the young prince. He now is one of the Empress's most staunch supporters. He moved back into the Citadel and is working as a royal ambassador to Elsted.

The move came only after rumors surfaced regarding the Prince and a guardian girl who claimed to be the legendary "child of sun and moon". Of course, the child's existence is no more than a bedtime story.

However, the rumors did drive Prince Brun back to the Citadel where he repented for his treasonous acts. Empress Gammen in her infinite wisdom welcomed him with open arms. No doubt the Empress has great plans for her sibling and the Empire.

Still, there are those who doubt the Prince's motives. Some say that he is working with the guardians and even humans to steal the crown for his own. Only time will tell and MNN will be there as this story unfolds.

[mogdocnews]

Health & Beauty: Sludge Facials Brighten Scales

Do you suffer from dry scales? One in ten females admit that they would do almost anything to alleviate the problem. Now, a fisherman from the southern shore thinks he has the solution.

Nenak discovered the secret to the sludge one day by accident. He explained, "I was throwin' huge globs of the stuff at my neighbors fence because I knew it would make him real mad and I love makin' him mad. Anyway, I turned my head on the last throw just as his wife peeked over the fence. I hit her square in the face."

The next morning, the old woman awoke to find her skin as smooth as a 512-year-old's.

[mogdocnews]

Breaking News: Empress to Lead Trip Across Barrier to Times Square

Just hours ago, Empress Gammen selected a small group of her most trusted courtiers to accompany her across the barrier. The trip, planned over the last few weeks, will focus on a human event called "New Year".

Those closest to the Empress report that the humans meet in a thriving metropolis named New York, no doubt after the holiday New Year. In this New York, they gather in the square and lower a man-made reproduction of the vox in time with a countdown to midnight. Even though this ceremony is strongly tied to the guardian's vox ritual; it is believed that very few humans are enlightened enough to realize it.

For the trip, Gammen will take on a human form. When asked about disguises for the rest of her group she simply stated, "It's New York, duh. I think they'll fit in fine with the weirdos."

While we at MNN couldn't locate a physical description of a "weirdo" creature, we are excited by the potential opportunities that an alliance with such a being offers in our eventual mission to cross the barrier and overcome human civilization.

To the Empress and her courageous group, good luck on your journey and as the humans say, "Merry New Year".

[mogdocnews]