Moments from OKAY

[momentsfromok]

Today... 5.5.26

There was a time where I would find joy in making people smile.. and I still do that. I feel it, and yes, I know making people happy because it makes you happy is a little selfish, but it still works because there is a level of love and acknowledgement that is there that just might make the difference between someone ending their life that day... and you could think that's depressing, think about the latter.. think about what would happen if people just did things based off oof what the person next to them did. I decided a long time ago, specifically after my ex-husband and I divorced that whether someone is present or absent, however they treat me, I am not going to allow how I behave to be affected by their action or their lack thereof. Of course ya'll I am still a work in progress. I still flashout when I'm feeling a way, I get in my feelings about small things, and my temper is still a live and well... but I'm happy to say I don't act on the emotions as much... and ya'll that is progress. Like I said I'm imperfect, but in Him I am perfect. In my weakness he is strong. God is so good all the time, I need to start behaving like I know that. <3

[momentsfromok]

I'm not there or him to notice I'm there because I do, I love him and I think that's ok. I'm not gonna run or remove myself simply because it's not the way I want. He loves me the way he loves me not the way i want him to. He shows up, he protects, he provides, and he is constant, and I am in love with this man. Like bad, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to, the more I pray about the more he shows up... I'm going continue to pray, and show up, because always shows up for me. <3

[momentsfromok]

I sat on TikTok and I'm just looking like why are you sending me stuff... like I'm not sure what you want from me. You literally said what you said, I'm not what you want who you want or what you're ready for, and no I'm not gonna hide and just delete you off of everything, I guess you'll see me... You'll see me happy at my best, lovely, thriving, hopeful for the future, life is good, and I'm okay even though I feel crazy smh like I really wanted his answer to be different, but God has me. He has me . He has me, in Jesus' name. I'm okay. Thriving. Uplifted. Disciplined.. God has me! Don't give in, you did what you could, it's for God to handle now. <3 Thank you Lord for loving me! Thank you for loving me! Thank you for Your grace, love, and mercy. You're a mightyyyyyyyyy GOD!!! <3

[momentsfromok]

Oops, I almost forgot who I was, and who God created me to be, now while I'm still finding my purpose, I'm still God's daughter, made to be powerful because of my creator and His son, In Jesus' name. I almost sat and cried about love and how it never finds me, but I've got God's love. I almost forgot and Father I'm so sorry. BACK TO REALITY, and Eb don't forget again! God has you and your family!!! You've got this! <3

[momentsfromok]

9-25-24 - I care, but I don't.

I'm not forcing anything, if it happens then it happens,, but at the same time I do feel a little pang of hurt when we don't communicate the way we used to... like I'm not a priority anymore. I would like to say that I don't check my phone often after I text you, but I do. PPr I don't check to see if you have posted on TikTok, because that's the only form of social media you have... next to Twitter... I miss you, I would be lying if I said I didn't, but I'm can't go so far as to call and text and still not hear from you. If it's meant to be, it will be... If you want to be here you would be. We have also prioritized seeking God first, we have little room for each other, but some days I just miss the talking and the affirmation of us. But I'm okay, I promise. I was just thinking about you tonight, and instead of sending you a long long long text, I'll just leave this here and let you know that I love you, and I pray for you daily, and I'm praying that God keeps his hands on you, and may you meet and fulfill your purpose.

When you don't text back, I feel like I'm chasing you. The rejection stings a bit, but I have the love, peace, and grace from God, I am already okay.

[momentsfromok]

9-15-24 Thoughts

So, that was an interesting presentation... and I think I know what you're trying to tell me. I may feel lonely in the now, but in the end I will be good. I don't want just anyone to fill this space, and not only that everyone does not have the right intentions. I'm not saying he means ill to me, but we're not on the same page, and the crazy thing is.. that could just mean not right now, but I am so happy to wait, and also I thank God that he loves me, and all his children. I know better so I will continue to do better.

[momentsfromok]

time.

I keep thinking about how temporary we are... I look at my parents and I get nervous because it will be there turn soon, and I don't have any other choice but to come to terms with it, and be at peace with that fact that I loved them as a much and as hard as I could now... it's the same with my siblings and the babies, but I'm watching my parents get older, and feeling myself get older and oh my lord.... ya girl is so tired already. I am turning thirty this year, my dad is turning 60, and my grandparents are turning 80... we haven't been struck with a death in the immediate family, but as always it is inevitable. I'm working on being at peace with all of it. Idk this was just on my mind heavy today, cause sometimes it's debilitating, and other times i see that it's just the life cycle... Anywho, just love your people hard, don't let someone pass without them knowing they meant something to you. <3

[momentsfromok]

12/9/23

I had a dream that you came back. I had a dream that you chose me after I screamed out, "Choose me, love me, pick me." I spent much of my life trying to convince someone that I am worth the time, the effort, and the love... I'm tired of trying to convince anyone. If you can't see it after everything we have gone through together, then I don't think there is anything left to discuss. You chose her. So, in the world where you actively chose her, you chose not to choose me. I will let you know that I can't do this because I don't want to but also because I want better, I can no longer continue to accept this and think I'm going to get a different result.

[momentsfromok]

10/17/23

He is a clown. It’s hilarious to me, but also so very saddening. At one point who he was, was a reflection of me, but now it’s all him.

I can advise and want for him, but it will never help hun until decides to face the truth…

[resqectable]

“It’s better to have nobody than someone who is half there, or who doesn’t want to be there.”

— Angelina Jolie

[momentsfromok]

10/11/23

So, today was wild. I can't really go into detail, but I know that I have to readjust. I will not nor will I ever sacrifice my peace and sanity for anyone other than my children. I know that, and I understand that now. I'm a little overwhelmed because there is so much to do, but I've known this for a while... it's just coming to pass sooner than I anticipated.

This is just an update to myself. KEEP MOVING FORWARD. Stagnation is a breeding ground for excuses and complacency. STOP! <3

[momentsfromok]

11/18/22

On 9/10/22 he kicked my kids and me out. He told us he was frustrated and that we would be better gone. He was so mean and ugly, and though that was him, I did my best not to mirror his ugliness.

Last night he made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with me, but doesn't he know that the kids and I are a packed deal, that I don't trust him with our children, and that he has yet to do anything that proves him to be trustworthy. He says I give up too easily, but the five years I was with him scream otherwise. I tried. I listened. I changed. but that was never enough, and I am finally seeing that that was never enough. He was never going to change because he would if he wanted to.

He is happy with complaining and playing the victim. He is happy with stagnation.

I made it a point to tell him that his success was our success and vice versa, but he couldn't wrap his head around that. I hated our situation sometimes, but I never prayed for his downfall. I always wanted him to continue his journey to better, but he saw that as being pushed, and not caring, and being too nonchalant.

The things I have learned so far..

For the right person, I am enough. Hell, I'm everything.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

Stop making excuses for people who actively and constantly disrespect you.

Apologies without a change in behavior are manipulation.

Stop lying to protect an image. If you're not okay, be vocal about it.

Don't stay in a mentally abusive situation for the sake of the kids or love.

Don't be afraid of being alone.

Don't be afraid to start over.

Don't make emotionally charged decisions.

And lastly, you can never never never please a narcissist.

[momentsfromok]

Luke 6:27-28 (NIV)

"But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."

[brok3np4radise-deactivated20250]

Never stop being a good person because of bad people.

Unknown

[quotefeeling]

“Don’t you dare fucking touch my heart unless you plan to stay.”

— Unknown

[momentsfromok]

October 3, 2023

I am better, but I know that won't always be the case. Not because of anything in particular, but because the life I chose is an obviously challenging one. I'm happy to say that mentally and physically I am doing a lot better than I was 5 months ago, but now it's time to apply more pressure. I can't get too comfortable where I am now, cause I'm meant to be somewhere else, and even when I achieve my next goal I know that there will be more to do, and I'm good with that. I'm just trying to focus and breathe. The relationship is still not the type that I want, but I am still so fortunate to have this man in my life. he moves for me, and I appreciate the active love.

The kids are also doing well. My oldest is finally in school, and the youngest is running around like she owns the place, but my oldest girl needs more. She's smart as a whip, so she's not entertained by basic stuff, and I know that that is more than I can offer right now. So, I need to make some moves for her... but other than that everything is well.

[momentsfromok]

June 17, 2023

As I watched this man that I have grown to love, carry my baby girl to me and then walk out of the house, I felt so odd.

It felt right and familiar. I'm not sure what that means, though, because he's got a lot going on, but I am growing to enjoy his company so much more...almost to the point I don't want to share... but I know that partly stems from my insecurities formed in past relationships...

I'm so happy to have him, happy that I get to love him and watch him be a kind and compassionate father to his baby, and then how gentle and patient he was with my kids... I could see us being a family. And I think I'm actually looking forward to that again...