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21 Things Only Moms with Picky Eaters Know - Momtastic

Rule #5 for all picky eaters: If you offer a kid a chicken nugget then serve him a chicken tender you don’t know what love is.

by Kim Bongiorno

21 Things Only Moms with Picky Eaters Know

I’m sure there are some kids out there who take their first bite of solid food and decide they will eat anything and everything without complaint for the rest of their lives. I’ve just never met any of these mystical creatures or their pet unicorns.

Between power struggles, mood swings, and the ages of 2 to 5, any kid can pretty much be a nightmare come mealtime. Then there are the ones who are always picky about eating, whose lunch boxes are filled with only crackers and desperate hope, and who have at any given time no more than four food items they’re possibly willing to consume.

Parents of picky eaters: We understand you and can prove that we know what it’s like to walk a mile in your shoes (as you trudge to the store to get that one brand of yogurt your kid will actually eat).

Here are 21 things any mom who has a picky eater knows for sure:

1. That “that tastes sour” can mean pretty much anything except something good.

2. The exact temperature any food should be served at to increase the odds your kid might eat it.

3. The location of that chain restaurant your picky kid will eat at, no matter where in the country you happen to be.

4. Food touching each other on the plate ruins everything.

5. If you offer a kid a chicken nugget then serve him a chicken tender you don’t know what love is, obviously.

6. Broken foods have a vastly different flavor than non-broken foods. Example: an intact tortilla chip tastes like corn baked by sunshine, tamped down by cuddly kitten paws, and seasoned with rainbows. A broken tortilla chip tastes like sadness and soundless screams.

7. The one acceptable brand of mac ‘n’ cheese.

8. The one acceptable noodle shape for that brand of mac ‘n’ cheese.

9. The one acceptable cheese color for that specifically-shaped option of that brand of mac ‘n’ cheese.

10. The look of disgusted disappointment in you that covered your child’s face when you served him pizza. Sure, normally he lives on the stuff — but that slice has a speck of green on it!!

11. The hatred of people who tell you to put down your foot and say, “What I serve or starve,” because clearly that will fix everything immediately and you’ve never thought of that before.

12. How to hide pureed vegetables in pretty much anything without it looking like swirls of baby vomit.

13. Which of your kid’s sure-bet-foods you can most easily pack up to bring with you to anywhere you might be at a mealtime.

14. That you have nicknames for most of the food your kid will eat so other people don’t know what the hell you’re talking about when you ask for “wiggly twigs and dressing” instead of spaghetti and meatballs at a restaurant.

15. What it’s like to hoard cookbooks with “Kid-Friendly Recipes!” somewhere on the cover.

16. Food tastes better on that one plate you can’t find a duplicate of.

17. French fries are delicious. Chips are wonderful. Mashed potatoes are a delight. Home fries are incredible. Tater tots are a godsend. Potatoes are awful and why would you ever serve your beloved children such a vile thing?

18. Every meat is “chicken” and shut up with your trying to say otherwise — the kid might hear you.

19. Just when you think your kid can’t get any more annoying at mealtime, she gets a loose tooth and you instantly hate life entirely.

20. Clementines are completely different than oranges. COMPLETELY. DIFFERENT.

21. The five-second rule means nothing to you.

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21 Things Only Moms with Picky Eaters Know - Momtastic

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by Kim Bongiorno

I can’t tell you how many times people thought it was so nice that I was pregnant in the winter. They must have assumed I’d spend the coldest months of the year reenacting sweet maternity catalog photo shoots with long sweaters over a perfect bump, giggling as I playfully tossed snowballs at my husband who just gotten back from running all the errands for me.

Pardon me, I just snorted.

The thing people who haven’t been pregnant in the winter don’t realize is that you’re still busy growing a human while busy doing all the things you usually did — plus, you’re doing it all while navigating snowdrifts on sidewalks, school cancellations for your other kids, and finding those long sweaters in a material that doesn’t make you want to scratch your arms off.

Sounds fun, right?

Here are 21 things only those of us who have been pregnant in the winter know. Let’s spread the word, shall we?

1. How quickly your regular winter coat will prove that you can’t get through the season without buying at least two new maternity coats.

2. That some people like to complain about things like “the window being open” because “snow is blowing into the living room” and they “can’t feel their faces anymore,” just because you were trying to cool off a little. Wimps.

3. That getting in and out of your car while wearing winter gear makes scaling Everest look like a piece of cake.

4. That it’s possible to be both constantly sweaty and covered in dry, itchy skin at the same time.

5. NO, REALLY, I HAVE FALLEN AND I CANNOT GET UP. AGAIN.

6. How so many well-meaning people will FREAK OUT when they see you out and about on icy or snowy days, as if you could simply ask your staff to drive the kids around, buy groceries, go to your doctor’s appointments, etc.

7. The confused look on peoples’ faces when they are trying to decide whether you’re pregnant under all those layers or just packing on a few extra pounds of gingerbread, and how diabolically fun it is to just let them sweat it out.

8. That shopping malls, restaurants, and stores all turn their thermostat to “Bake the Pregnant Lady” from November 1 through March 31.

9. That you will discover how to order anything you’d ever need from shopping malls, restaurants, and stores online from the comfort of your couch while wearing nothing but massive maternity granny panties and a tee-shirt.

10. The excruciating pain of shoving your newly ham-sized feet into snow boots.

11. Hairy legs + the inability to bend over to shave them = free, all-natural thermal long underwear.

12. Your biggest concern when you see that a blizzard is in the forecast is how quickly you can stock up on every possible food craving before it hits. Water, batteries, and firewood? WHO CARES JUST GET THE BEN & JERRY’S AND SHUT YOUR FACE HOLE, SWEETHEART.

13. Glittery sweaters that look super cute in maternity catalogs make you look like a walking Christmas tree ornament in real life.

14. Your doctor wants you to get some sunshine on your face every day to prevent you from getting Seasonal Affective Disorder, and you use it as an excuse to get out of the house to escape from My Kids Have Been Off From School for Weeks & I’m Going Insane Disorder.

15. Each time someone says to you, “It must be nice to not be cold all the time!” an angel loses its wings and you get a strong urge to drop-kick perky people who say dumb things.

16. If they really wanted you to have a happy holiday they’d stop hiding the soft cheese and uncured meats from you.

17. Apparently, 12 cups of hot cocoa a day is not what the doctor meant when he said to “stay hydrated.” The killjoy.

18. Witnessing people try not to look so surprised when the first warm-ish day in months arrives and they suddenly see you in an unzipped coat looking about 14 months pregnant.

19. You may be the most independent, strong, incredible woman around, but that doesn’t mean you won’t point to your bump each morning after a snowstorm and say to your husband, “Sorry honey, I’d help with the shoveling but…” *shrugs*

20. That underboob sweat is a year-round curse.

21. Why bears hibernate.

Graphic: Kim Bongiorno

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21 Things Only Moms Who Have Been Pregnant in Winter Know

http://www.momtastic.com/pregnancy/572105-21-things-moms-pregnant-winter-know/#ixzz3x41OKu5c

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by Alex Richards

PHOTOS: ‘Reasons My Kid Is Crying’ All-Stars

My kids are the most adorable things on earth … but seriously — SERIOUSLY — why do they have to freak out over absolutely nothing sometimes?! There aren’t any raisins in my daughter’s cereal (sob); I won’t let my 1-year-old stand on the table (oh, the injustice)! It’s true. Kids cry for no logical reason whatsoever. Whether they’re mad at me for taking away the scissors or bawling because the chicken is too “chicken-y”, my kids are masters of this melodramatic art.

Nobody wants to see their kids in pain, but if I can salvage just a tiny bit of my sanity during one of these frustration-fueled outbursts, I will do whatever it takes. Maybe it’s a wee bit heartless to take a step back and snap a photo or two, but it’s a pretty fun way to cope with the completely absurd, ridiculous, and hilarious reasons my kids have totally lost their sh*t.

We’ve compiled a stellar round-up, so check out some of the all-time best photos of kids crying for no reason at all.

Read more: PHOTOS: 'Reasons My Kid Is Crying' All-Stars

http://www.momtastic.com/parenting/592239-photos-reasons-kid-crying-stars/#ixzz3x41r8qcG

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13 Parenting Lessons I Learned From 'The Real Housewives'

Parenting lessons from The Real Housewives: #8. Nobody respects a deadbeat dad.

by Meredith Gordon

13 Parenting Lessons I Learned From ‘The Real Housewives’

Recently I was at a mom’s night out when “The Real Housewives” came up. One of the ladies at the table rolled her eyes and said, “Ugh, it’s so terrible. There’s nothing good about those shows.”

That’s when I chimed in.

See, I’m what you’d call an unapologetic Bravo TV watcher, which means I don’t just watch one series of “The Real Housewives” — I watch them all. When it comes to books and news, I’m a total snob. But when it comes to TV, I’ve got no pride. And I’m not afraid to admit that I love Nene, Bethenny, and all the cat-fighting ladies who call themselves real housewives.

And even though every episode of RHW (wherever it’s based) is filled with fights, gossip, and innuendo, there are also a few redeeming qualities. In fact, if you pay close attention there’s much to be learned from the ladies of New York, Orange County, Miami, Atlanta, and Beverly Hills. After all, most of them were moms long before they became Bravolebrities. That means they provide a ton of parenting lessons, cautionary tales and all. Take note.

1. Every teenage girl will give her mom gray hair. — Jacqueline Laurita, RHONJ

2. Some kids have to learn the hard way, no matter what you do. — Lauri Peterson, RHOBH

3. When it comes down to it, kids are loyal to their parents (even if they don’t always agree with them). — Jacqueline Laurita, RHONJ

4. If you let your kids live at home too long, they’ll never want to leave. — Caroline Manzo, RHONJ

5. No matter what, kids grow up to emulate their parents. — Kim Zolciak, RHOA

6. Kids benefit when their parents have a classy divorce. — Luann de Lesseps, RHONY

7. Even if you lie to your kids, they’ll eventually figure out the truth. — Teresa Giudice, RHONJ

8. Nobody respects a deadbeat dad. — Slade Smiley, RHOC

9. Sometimes the only thing you can do is give your kids tough love. — NeNe Leakes, RHOA

10. No matter how old they are, boys like to pee everywhere but the toilet. — Brandi Glanville, RHOBH

11. It takes a ton of patience to raise a Milania (*and every family has a Milania). — Teresa Giudice, RHONJ

12. No matter how much help you have, being a mom is still a full time job. — Heather Dubrow, RHOC

13. There is such a thing as spending too much money on your children. — Taylor Armstrong, RHOBH

More Mom Confessions:

I Refuse to Apologize for Being ‘Attached’ to My Daughter

5 Things I Won’t Do for My Kids (No Matter What)

Girl Moms: Quit Talking Smack About Little Boys

Photo: Getty

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13 Parenting Lessons I Learned From 'The Real Housewives'

http://www.momtastic.com/parenting/596077-13-parenting-lessons-learned-real-housewives/#ixzz3x42KBQZT

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