Randomhappenstance @mondopotato - Tumblr Blog

My War

There’s a war I fight alone. Each day I battle with my demons. I sometimes go too far with my thoughts. I sometimes go numb to feelings. I sometimes get extremely angry. And sometimes all I want to do is cry. Every day, I deal with parental abandonment, childhood sexual abuse, a verbally and emotionally abusive marriage that has since past, sexual assault from a teacher, sexual assault from my current boyfriend’s now ex-best friend, an abortion, and physical abuse from a former boyfriend. So when I am freaking out, and going over the deep end, don’t you ever tell me to calm down, relax, and just get over it! You have no idea the battles I fight every single day with myself.

#warwithin #just me #my life #demons #my battle #my everyday struggle #i’m still alive #mental turmoil

An apology letter from my mother?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for abandoning you when you were just a baby. Not knowing if you were safe or cared for. I’m sorry for never wanting to visit you when you were a child. You’ll understand that I had better things to do. I’m sorry for treating you like a friend when you needed a mother, after I found out my oldest son had been sexually abusing you. I’m sorry for letting your abuser into our home time after time, getting drunk with him making you feel unsafe in your own home. I’m sorry for trying to alienate you from the only people that actually cared for you, your grandparents. Unlucky for them that they had to raise you. I’m sorry for falsely letting you believe that I actually love you. You were only good for my ego, you know that. I’m sorry for letting your step-father yell at you to the point you were scared he would hit you. Sometimes I wished he would, you were a little brat. I’m sorry for never making you feel like our house was your home by constantly getting high and drunk and forcing you out of the house, or not letting you sleep during a school night because the stereo was so loud, and so were we. I’m sorry for making you feel like you are worthless, and should be ashamed, because I am best friends with your abuser. I’m sorry for never calling you when you moved away. I just couldn’t remember your phone number. And, well, I shouldn’t be calling you. You should be calling me. I’m sorry for lying to you numerous times about me visiting. We both knew I was never serious about coming out to see you. I’m sorry for unfriending you on Facebook. I know it crushed you, but to be honest, I just don’t consider you my daughter anymore. I’m sorry for texting you last year on your birthday and making you feel like I was guilt tripping you for never calling me. At least I’m trying. I’m sorry for replacing you with your brothers girlfriend. We all know she would be a much better daughter than you could ever be anyways. Plus they named their daughter partly after me, which makes me feel way more entitled than I ever should. I’m sorry for being practically the worst Mother. Sorry, not sorry. You really never mattered that much to me anyways. I’m sorry.

Playing catch-up. #pfsixwordchallenge for November. #raiders #thecottage #theduel #write #trysomethingnew #pageflutter

#theduel #thecottage #write #raiders #trysomethingnew #pageflutter #pfsixwordchallenge

Playing catch-up. #pfsixwordchallenge for November. #firstfrost #delivery #rewritten #pageflutter #write #trysomethingnew #sixwordstory

#firstfrost #rewritten #write #trysomethingnew #pageflutter #sixwordstory #delivery #pfsixwordchallenge

Death whispered to her "come home". #pfsixwordchallenge for November 10, 2017. #pageflutter #thewhisper #write #writingprompts #trysomethingnew

#thewhisper #writingprompts #pageflutter #trysomethingnew #pfsixwordchallenge #write

#pfsixwordchallenge for November 9, 2017. #undercover #writing #trysomethingnew #writingprompts

#writing #trysomethingnew #writingprompts #pfsixwordchallenge #undercover

#pfsixwordchallenge for November 8, 2017. #writingprompts #writing #trysomethingnew #pageflutter

#pfsixwordchallenge #writingprompts #pageflutter #writing #trysomethingnew

Mirror of my room

I see a young girl standing Under a small oak tree Her eyes are swollen from weeping Her hands clenched upon her knees She keeps the pain inside Hiding behind an awkward smile That's only seem from the outside I want to reach out and touch her To hold her in my arms But something holds me back Something that may cause harm I turn my head away from her Not sure of what to do I look behind and see her in the mirror of my room She suddenly appears familiar And I wonder what it is I see I look again in the mirror And realize that she is me -Shonna Dion

#mirror #poetry #poems #me

in a world of people - I stand alone in a world of noise - I'm a different tone in a world of laughter - I cry in a world of life - I die in a world of song - I hum in a world of leaving - I come

#poetry #poem #alone #me

#shinebright #pain #heal #survive

DAD I’m tired of pretending that everything is ok I’m tired of faking a smile everyday I’m looking for answers I might never find I’m looking for someone who will just take the time Alone with my thoughts, my fears and my shame I put on my smile, but it’s always the same I’m angry with my family for pretending nothing’s wrong I guess that’s my fault for pretending to be strong On the outside it seems I have it all together A great house, my own business and a guy who couldn’t be better But in my mind I’m angry, confused and ashamed I want you to hear me, to not run away When I finally break down, and I finally say Dad, I’m not ok -J.H.

#dad #poems #poetry #sad

Remembering My childhood escaped me for so many years And as I get older, I realize my fears I can't hold back the memories from my past And every small reminder hits me so fast I don't want to remember, so why do I try? Remembering means pain, remembering makes me cry I've done so well, forgetting it all And if I remember, I've got no one to call No one to help me, to ask questions of why Why was it me? Why was I the bad guy? My childhood stolen, ripped apart at the seams Now I know better, fairy tales are meant for dreams No one should talk, no one should know It's disgusting, it's shameful, just keep your mouth closed So I sit here quietly, trying to forget my past Keeping my mouth shut...how long will this last? J.H

#poems #shame #heartache #pain #abuse #poetry #raw poetry #child abuse #sad

Do you know Do you know what it's like to feel the morning sun upon your face? I do Do you know what it's like to be rich but a penny you cannot trace? I do Do you know what it's like to feel as light as a fluffy cloud? I do Do you know what it's like to stand proudly, out from the crowd? I do Do you know what it's like to be so happy you could cry? I do Do you know what it's like to be the luckiest person alive? I do Do you know what it's like to laugh so hard your stomach is in knots? I do Do you know what it's like to feel you can share all of your thoughts? I do Do you know what it's like to feel a heart so pure and true? I do Because I know you. J.H.

#happy #poems #poetry #love