If you can touch it it can touch you too @mondsichelmadonna - Tumblr Blog

“There is no other home”, Soviet poster, 1986.

i like my theories eclectic and a little weird but always within a marxist framework. Because if you do not apply the ideas of explotation and ideological superstructure to the correct claim of "porn is bad" you will wake up in bed with the dregs of conservatism, religious fundamentalism and reactionary policitcs

#erotica is good weird sex stuff is good actuallly #porn in capitalism will always be exploitative and reproduce hegemonic ideas and structures like patriarchy #that includes your small queer cooperative streaming plattform #there is no operating outside of the system inside the system #there is no subversion that is profitable #that is not say that porn outside of capitalism would not be patriarchal we are not doing haupt and nebenwiderspruch here #but we also do not operate in hypotheticals where capitalism does not exist and patriarchy is not intervoven with the former

Tagebuch #35

thinking of the last jános kádár speech lately; a sick old man trying to justify himself before the court of history but always returning to his failing health // history is cruel like that// dying is cruel like that// never not thinking of Lukács's right or wrong my party; several pages later describing in two sentences only ordering the killing of 8 men (there was a war) and with the same nonchalance talking about himself barely surviving Stalin (there was another war) // thinking of the disbelief on Ceaușescus face when getting shot on the second day of Christmas // thinking of my great grandfather's brother getting shot in [] in []for [] // thinking of my grandfather building weapons and tractors and whatever else was needed for the new world and the new man to thrive and how all of it meant nothing when he died an old drunk in a shitty hospital // thinking about power and responsibility and guilt and revisionism and correction and hertige, always, hertiage // how i put myself back in the narrative // how i picked up the read thread and sometimes choke myself with it // how i make and destroy meaning // how i fill in the gaps // how i justify thoughts and choices and claims before my inner court // how i know you can never do history or heritage or belief justice // how i try anyways // how the world ended 1918 and 1945 and 1989 and 2020 and many times before and after // how history will survive us all // how it rarely redeems us // how we deserve better// how we deserved better /// how to finally make it better

#draft #tagebuch #soundtrack to this is janos kadar by the bermuda idiots #this is a collection of thoughts don't judge #or do #I am always on trial #and I put everything to the test

anthropoetics

kinder than man, althea davis

candy-store-pop

Judee Sill, 1971.

Photo by Henry Diltz.

#Judee Sill #never not thinking about Jesus was a crossmaker

eesirachs

felt like i lost god's favor until i had a diet coke and now he's here and he loves me

#again I have no unique experience

petaltexturedskies

There is a theory that watching unbearable stories about other people lost in grief and rage is good for you—may cleanse you of your darkness. Do you want to go down to the pits of yourself all alone? Not much. What if an actor could do it for you? Isn't that why they are called actors? They act for you. You sacrifice them to action. And this sacrifice is a mode of deepest intimacy of you with your own life.

Anne Carson, from Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides; Tragedy: A Curious Art Form

notizen aus den heuschreckenjahren; eine bilanz: ich möchte keine angst mehr haben (wahr)// ich bin nicht mehr wütend (lüge)// ich werde mich weniger stressen () //Gott (wahr)// Kampf mitgegenfür Gott (am wahrsten)// ich treibe (wahr)// ich werde getrieben (von wem?)// ich fühle alles (wahr) // ich fühle nichts (wahr) // ich werde mich ändern (lüge) // es gib keine kontinuität () // ich bleibe allem fremd (()) // ich kann mich nicht erinnern (wahr) // ich weiß es nicht (lüge) // ich weiß nicht weiter (wahr) // the body keeps the score (2:1) // es muss sich was ändern (wahr) // ich kann nicht mehr/anders/raus (hütchenspielertrick) // ich will schlafen (lüge) // alles ist vergessen (wahr & lüge) // am anfang war das wort (wahr) // and if it's not okay it's not the end (damals: lüge; heute: wahr) // es kommen (keine) besseren zeiten.

#tagebuch

laurapalmergraduates

#I waited literal years to watch the last episode because I couldn't get over the fact that they canceled season 2

many-sparrows

Me, screaming and crying: "WHY DOES EVERYTHING KEEP CHANGING WHY IS EVERY MOMENT FULL OF LOSS IM SO TIRED"

God, dragging me around by my hair and banging me against walls: "IM SORRY BUT IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CONSTANCY. EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT FROM ONE MILLISECOND TO THE NEXT. BUT ALSO ALL THE ATOMS THAT EXIST HAVE ALWAYS EXISTSTED. EVERYTHING THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN HAS ALREADY HAPPENED. NONE OF IT IS LINEAR. I LOVE YOU AND I CANNOT PROTECT YOU FROM THIS"

#the sparrow still falls kind of year #sorrow & grace & grief & mercy & anger & blessing

orpheuslament

i need to [remembers suicide jokes negatively impact my mental health & upset my loved ones] join a monastery

#I do not have a singular unique experience

gravecharm

putting the dog to sleep by the antlers / lyric collage

unapologeticallygay

“Dyke rage is blessed”

Dyke March, San Francisco, June 27th, 2015, by skamalas on flickr. (source)

this time there are no visions of hell it's all love and mystery because I know that my god is the king of the universe and the universe itself but he is also a lamb and every baby on the bus and every addict nodding out in front of my metro station and that changes everything

#but this is what it means to me: remember and love both death and life because mystery is everywhere #feel this works for people as well who do not believe