i complain a lot @monkeysmadeoflove - Tumblr Blog

somedays i just wanna walk into the street and aimlessly tell people i had a dad too once upon a time. he used to love me lots actually. maybe its hard to believe now, but i used to be very loved.

#feeling this deeply today

the weird thing abt losing a dad is that you end up unintentionally searching for him in every older male you meet from then onwards

#my uncle my older cousins #its odd bc i didn't used to do that and i'm so embarrassed #like oh um yea please ignore that i keep hanging around you sometimes i just need to cope with the gaping hole in my chest nothing at all #like you're in your 20s 30s you don't need me hanging around you its probably annoying as shit #one of my cousins have me a bear hug while drunk and like my brain short circuited #like oh this is nice this is familiar and– oh. oh thats why #tis funny bc i've never really had a mother's love so it's not something i search for #so i don't end up doing the same for my female relatives #how do you miss something u never had #grief #thoughts #my posts #i miss my dad #dead dad club

felt a little insane today trying to hold back tears after i was snoozing off on the couch during a family event and my uncle just. pat my head and flicked my forehead in such a way that bc my eyes were closed and i was half asleep i thought it was my dad. nothing to see here yk. nope. nothing

#my posts #grief #thoughts #i miss my dad #dead dad club #like actually how does one sit through a gathering with tears barely holding back i feel insane

somedays i just wanna walk into the street and aimlessly tell people i had a dad too once upon a time. he used to love me lots actually. maybe its hard to believe now, but i used to be very loved.

#grief #thoughts #i miss my dad #growing up #dead dad club #father's day #i used to get kisses on my forehead every morning before he left for work #i used to call him any time i felt bored #i used to run for the front door every time i heard it unlock #i can't say i lived like a princess but for what we had it was enough #he used to say he doesn't care if he needs to throw away his dignity and beg on the streets as long as my sister and i got an education and #a good job #crazy #sometimes i used to beat myself up for not going for more in life #but honestly #if being greedy would have lead to that i am glad i didn't want more #my posts

the problem of having upper lip hair has a brown girl is that even though i know no one gives a fuck abt it i still feel like an overgrown neanderthal playing dress up if i dare to be cute and it kills me and im so embarrassed but then i realize i spent my fucking money on this cute stuff so i'll simultaneously torture myself by still dressing cute and still wanting to actively shrivel up and die

#just girly things #my posts #idk how to tag this #?????#growing up #i guess #also wow first non grief related post #but actually i'll make it grief related bc i hate that i'm so hairy but the one thing i will NEVER let anyone touch are my eyebrows #they're a bit bushy but they are the same as my dad's #and i will always deeply love that

and what if i said the irritating thing of my dad's 1 year death anniversary is that i was planning on coasting through it and now everyone's sending me condolences again and i'm gonna tear my hair off again

#like actually this wasn't sad #this was not sad #i did everything i possibly could to make myself not sad #and what do these dumb fucking bitches do #thats right #make it really sad #god #they're morons #and i miss my dad #dead dad club

i think the part about grief that kills me the most is that at the end after all the anger, all the sadness of my dad dying, i just feel empty. nothing. its been months. i feel nothing. i feel nothing. i move forward in life and i feel nothingness. i smile for a bit and then i feel nothing.

#grief #my posts #thoughts #i miss my dad #spilled thoughts

i feel like no matter how old i get all it takes is a couple words to shatter the carefully crafted persona i've built over years and years and i will always be the little girl in 2nd grade blinking confusedly why no one ever wants to listen to her talk and people only ever to tell her to shut up and maybe i will never outgrow her

#i should shut up #it's just a better place if i don't speak #i can't even speak freely at home anymore #just when i thought i was healing #maybe even becoming a better person #nope #not happening #i'm just a rotten piece of shit that no one wants to hear out #thoughts #rants #growing up #i miss the pandemic #i can't believe i say that #but i miss when the world was all shut down #and all i did was curl up in my bed and stay under my blankets #and draw and write and watch and read #no one would hate me since i wasn't doing anything at all #my posts

life is so cruel. all i can do is ask what i did to deserve any of this, shed a couple tears and keep going ig

#grief #my posts #my dad's dead my health's in shambles and all i can do is look to my shitty art and shitty writing and keep the pen moving #isn't that crazy

loveridden1999

i have that dog in me. you know. the losing one

i thought i only brought my dad pain but i don't know what to think when i see photos of myself as a baby and him playing with my feet or crawling beside me and i can't help but think back to when someone said that he spent his entire life wanting children like my sister and i

#isn't that strange #i said i love you multiple times a day #several times in one conversation even #and still #despite it all #i wish i could say it to him again #and have him yank on my cheek and tell me how much he adored the little baby he brought into the world #i miss my dad #grief #thoughts #childhood #spilled thoughts #dead dad club #my posts

i like staying in the warmth of my plushies and blankets, doodling away, reading comics, texting my friends, watching stupid videos and writing my own stories. i don't really like being a grown up. it's cold and its foreign and everyone expects me to know what to do even though i don't and there's nothing indicating that i *do* know.

i just keep thinking of adult life like school. just like elementary, and high school and college, i'll be like this for 5, maybe 10 years, and then it'll be over and i'll be free. but i know it's not and even thats scary

#growing up #adulthood #thoughts #my posts #childhood

fizzyy68

channeling a lot of pain into my art right now

dionysian-mystery

Are you becoming what you've always hated?

Isle of Dogs / Game of Thrones / Painting by Jenn Mazza / Unknown / Ancestral Memory by Hari Alluri / Unknown / Venetta Octavia / Emma Tranter / Unknown / Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo / @ machineryangel

#i can feel it #isnt that weird #i know i was once a person who was too timid to be angry but now what

there's a new employee at a cafe i'm a regular at and he's indian and i just know that if my dad were still here he would let out a laugh and start chatting him up in hindi as if they'd always been best friends

#my posts #grief #i miss my dad

my dad's friend updated his profile picture. i wonder if they knew that they dressed the exact same. same grey hoodie, dark trousers, and brown shoes. i feel bad for being cold when i spoke to him but what else could i have done.

#i miss my dad #every now and then i think im over it #i'm not #i dont think i'll ever be #my posts #grief #dead dad club

every time i see a kid smiling with their parents i wanna interject and say "i was loved like that too. i was loved too. i was loved. someone loved me the same way you are, i swear. " but i don't bc everyone would look at me weird

#so i will just hold my snoopy doll and whisper it instead bc what else am i to do in this all rotten world #all i can do is look longingly at people with parents and laugh #grief #thoughts #i miss my dad #my posts

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

i complain a lot