My Journal. Story of Journey with Jesus.

I'm Monica., a fresh graduate of Electronics Engineering in Technological University of the Philippines (Manila). A follower of Jesus. As long as the author (me) decided to write things, thoughts and events in her life. It is an awesome feeling to see previous challenges and stretching faith with this blog. She is in work in progress. God is not finish with her yet. :)

[monmonmammon]

When it Rains- Paramore

Slowly i'm weaken...

Slowly i'm bleeding...

Slowly i'm dying...

"There is a time for everything,

   and a season for every activity under the heavens:

   a time to be born and a time to die,

   a time to plant and a time to uproot,

   a time to kill and a time to heal,

   a time to tear down and a time to build,

   a time to weep and a time to laugh,

   a time to mourn and a time to dance,

   a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

   a time to search and a time to give up,

   a time to keep and a time to throw away,

   a time to tear and a time to mend,

   a time to be silent and a time to speak,

   a time to love and a time to hate,

   a time for war and a time for peace."

- Ecclesiastes 3:3-8

  Sometimes slowness makes us torture... bakit kasi pag in pain tayo parang ang tagal-tagal ng oras pero pag masaya sobrang bilis na parang hinahabol natin bawat minutong nawawala.... Bakit? 

And when it rains,

Will you always find an escape?

Just running away,

From all of the ones who love you,

From everything.

You made yourself a bed

At the bottom of the blackest hole (blackest hole)

And you'll sleep 'til May

And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore -When it Rains by Paramore

Ewan ko kung ano kadramahan ni Hayley dito at nakomposed nya to... Siguro may mga tanong na nanatiling tanong at hinahanap pa din niya... o may tinatakbuhan siyang katotohanan na ayaw nyang tanggapin at tumatakbo siya...  Ganun siguro talaga... Season- season ang buhay... kung ang season ko ngayon ay magemote wala kayong kontrol at ako siguro may part kung bakit nangyayari sakin to pero may purpose kung bakit ako nageemote... Siguro this is the reality of life... I'm a social being man... God created me relational... I need people to grow with... I need someone to be with...  Matagal ko ng kineclaim kay God ang gift of singleness pero ng tumagal naaccept ko na din na di ko pwede ipagpilitan kay God na di ko kailangan ng taong magmamahal sakin at gagamitin Nya para maging totoo ang mga pagmamahal na minsan sa utak ko lang naglalaro... Sa huli pag-ibig pa din ang mananatili...  "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."- 1 Corinthians 13:13 Pag-ibig ng isang Amang di kailanman tinalikuran ang anak kahit madalas na ung anak ung tumatalikod...  Ganun e... Ganun Ka magmahal... sobrang grabe... di ko keribels... iyak-iyak din pag may time... T________T

Then Job replied to the Lord:

 “I know that you can do all things;

    no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

 You asked, ‘Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?’

    Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,

    things too wonderful for me to know.

 “You said, ‘Listen now, and I will speak;

    I will question you,

    and you shall answer me.’

 My ears had heard of you

    but now my eyes have seen you.

 Therefore I despise myself

    and repent in dust and ashes.”

-Job 42:1-6

[monmonmammon]

He is the great I am! :)

I'm praying today if I will give my time to check my social networking sites and take a look for updates. Then, I said to God, " Sige 3 hours lang para di ako mag- adik. pag nagonline ako ng unli one day baka di ko na matapos ung dapat ko aralin today. Discipline. That's the word for tonight.

                                                        "D-I-S-C-I-P-L-I-N-E" 

I have limited time to make this blog. hehehe! Well going back, I just think of this word. DISCIPLINE. Root word, DISCIPLE? I am just amazed. Being a disciple is to have this discipline. Discipline not because of in need to do good works but discipline because you know "the reason" why you do this good works.  Many people(even not christians) read books to help them to have discipline in their lives. Discipline that benefits and guide them for their growth in all aspects. They always asked the "HOW" questions to other great mentors and read inspirational books to boost their motivation to act right and do what is right.

I remember this verse.

 "In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,

because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."  - HEBREWS 12:4-12

From this verse, the words LOVING FATHER, PAIN AND HARDSHIPS, PEACE AND HEALING marked in my heart. No one loves the process of being disciplined because it is not comforting mostly in the area of our lives that we are too stubborn to obey and surrender to God. God is a Loving Father who wants the only good for His sons and daughters. His way of discipline is an act of showing His love for us because He knows after the PAIN AND HARDSHIPS, PEACE AND HEALING will come.  I love this truth when Jesus said to His disciple, 

“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.” - JOHN 14:15-21

DISCIPLINE in all areas of our life is a part of being disciple of Jesus. Jesus said this words as a LOVING FATHER, we may undergo through lots of PAIN AND HARDSHIP but He assured us that by the end of the day PEACE AND HEALING will happen. :)))) Thank You Jesus for the promises You have given to us. EXCITED! :)))

#sanamauploadkopaitoXP 

[monmonmammon]

ME: Is there somebody out there can save me??? JESUS: Yes I can. :)

A great noise come into my mind. A big boom! blag! kaboom! (kahit ano na ung nakalagay sa mga comics script!hahaha! ) I feel in this previous days the stillness and peace in my inner being. I'm calm. But I know I'm in the uncertainty of unknown things. Then I just hear again this song.

An old sound track of an old show series in television na sinubaybayan ko nung elementary ako kahit hindi ako makaintindi ng straight english with american accent. I love the cast and the leading lady. Crush ko kasi asian beauty siya. hahaha. Pero gwapo si Superman dun at ang bluish eyes nya. hahaha! XD Anyways, as I love the story and this show... Ngayon ko lang napakinggan ung whole meaning ng theme song nun. And find it amazing God use this song to remind me of something: "You can't hide what in the inside, I know you are in doubt, You are in the cloudy season, stop pretending you are not afraid, admit it! You can't do this task alone, cry out in me! I will listen."

The lyrics of the song entitled Save Me by Remy Zero is this: 

I feel my wings have broken in your hands

I feel the words unspoken inside

And, they pull you under

And, I will give you anything you want, oh

You are all I wanted

All my dreams are fallen down

Crawlin' around and around and around

Somebody save me

Let your warm hands break right through it

Somebody save me

I don't care how you do it, just stay, stay

C'mon, I've been waiting for you

I see the world has folded in your heart

I feel the waves crash down inside

And, they pull me under

I would give you anything you want, oh

You are all I wanted

All my dreams have fallen down

Crawlin' around and around and around...

Literally after all the transitions I'd done in this past months, I can boldly say this lyrics is what I really experience for that transition. God knows my weakness. And I just can't imagine a kryptonite was intentionally put into my body and feel this weakness in my flesh. I need somebody to save me. I need help!!!  In those days of crying every night, In those days that I feel I'm alone. In those days that I can't understand what molding way You are doing to me? I am glad, I'm still here, and Your grace is still enough to cope up and go through this next level of process. (Sometimes I ask Him, papupuntahin mo ba ko sa Iraq? sa Saudi o sa Iran? hahaha! I rebuke You! hahaha! joke lang! Lord, You have the final words to say..:P) Maraming beses na kong nasabihang OA. (Actually many times ako din nagsasabi sa sarili ko nun hahahaha! )I don't care. I just want to be true to myself, one of the reason why I don't want to be too much attach to someone, to somebody, or to someone else is the fear of losing them. I don't know if naalala mo pa to ma, pero tandang tanda ko nung may parang bonding sa vgroup sa pioneer. First ever ata to na spend time or gala. I said to Meg na ayoko. Ayoko maging attach sa kanila baka kasi dumating sa point na sila na ung pinupunta ko, di na si God. Then she said to me, "bakit? si God naman ang center ng friendship?" I insist. I don't want to. Dahil takot ako sa mga bagay na baka makasanayan ko na at hindi ko na bitawan. Well I think that's a part of growing up.Sigh. hahaha! God let me love this people. This spiritual family He gave to me. Love is to be vulnerable. We can't love if there is no pain. I love every detailed of what I experience in that place. Na dumating sa point na pinlano ko na ung buhay ko na dito na ko forever. Yes unconciously I plan this. I settle. I cried. hahaha! drama queen.

(Pero one of the breakthroughs hindi sila ang pinupunta ko kahit mahal ko na sila. Si God pa din. My fear proved to be lies. Lisa. Kuto. Korny :P) 

Then, looking back in the side mirrors, Kunwari may kotse na ko. By faith. :) I missed the old times. Hindi ko madedeny un. Pero mas okay pala ung tipong ang dalaw ko sa pio ay once every 6 month. Bale twice a year? Really God? hahaha! :P kasi sobrang grabe ung appreciation ko sa lahat ng nakikita ko. Sa amoy palang feeling ko ang bango- bango ng foodloft, ng center, ng mga tao dun kahit totoo hindi naman hahaha! at pagnagkakamustahan, im excited to hear from them what's new. i'm happy for the progress sa lifebox in pioneer. Andami kong nakita sa ignite na taga pio na di ko kilala. Alam kong di naman nila ako kilala kasi di naman ako nagpapakilala... hehehe! Ansaya ko lang. kahit mag-isa lang ako maglibot at walang bumati sa kin habang naglalakad ako along the mainhall. Ang saya-saya ko. Ang weird ko ba. hahaha! :P

Then God, put this word to me in my heart. "What you feel nung bumisita ka ng pio na parang antagal mong nawala sa bahay o nagabroad ka at sabik ka bumalik dun. Mas grabe pa ung pakiramdam kung talagang babalik ka na sa totoo mong bayan. Iyon ang abangan mo..." Woooh! Lord kaw na! hahaha! I'm excited, im emotionally stable right now. Im okay with my new victory group in Ubelt. Sila ate na puro grace ang pangalan. Ni emphasize lang ni God na by grace ang lahat ng ito ay nangyare sa buhay ko... hahaha kaya puro ate grace name nila hahaha! XD Hindi ako makatulog eh pero eto ung pinanghahawakan kong verse na i want to share with you people. :)  “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land.  I will shake all nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,’ says the Lord Almighty.  ‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the Lord Almighty. 9 ‘THE GLORY OF THIS PRESENT HOUSE WILL BE GREATER THAN THE GLORY OF THE FORMER HOUSE,' SAYS THE LORD ALMIGHTY. 'AND IN THIS PLACE I WILL GRANT PEACE,' DECLARES THE LORD ALMIGHTY." - Haggai 2:6-9 (Capitalization added in verse 9) #Try to listen to the song if you have time... good night! :)))

[monmonmammon]

It is not fire from hell, but it is the fire of God...

06/01/13 First day of June.

First blog for this month.

I'm amazed how God control and create things in His way. Start in the book of Genesis where He created the world in detailed and He created the important creatures, Adam and Eve. He created man out of His likeness. Out of passion and love, He created us. All the time He said good from His creation, it is a pleasure in His sight. Because He see His glory reflecting on them. Magnifies. Illuminates.

I'm in the book of Habbakuk 2nd day of ignite. After God reveals His overwhelming word to me in the first day of the event, I still can't imagine how will it be possible. How God? But this is it. I must take off my sandals, step on the ground because it is holy. You are a holy God. Reverence and surrender is what Moses did in the burning bush. All area of his life. All pleasure in this world. He surrender all to You.

"For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe even if you were told" - Habbakuk 1:5

Honestly. I feel the excitement for God will do amazing things in me. In His people. In this Nation. I also feel a little bit nervous because this act of obedience may cause something and i don't know. I know in this moment where my analytic mind can't stop to assume and create what if situations, it just made me nothing but to be exhausted. I can never reach His thoughts and His ways.(Isaiah 55:8-10) I need to trust Him alone that His plans is better than mine. He continue remind me of His promises. His goodness. and as long as He is with me. Nothing and no one can touch me. I'm sold out and bought with a price. I'm valuable. I'm His. :)

Then the Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." -Habakkuk 2:2-3

Write all the revelations God says to you. By in His time there is a reason why He  said that. We do not choose what we read in His word just to make us feel better and encouraging. The bible is not a self help book where we will read if we want to feel significant and important. Please engraved in your mind, heart, and soul. Reading bible doesn't pleases God. Living out it is. We read to know more of Him. To know Christ more. Not to tell other people how good your knowledge about this. Not to tell other people how many scripture you memories everyday. Even you don't tell to anyone you read your bible, it will reflect. It will reflect on how you live. How you love people who are unlovable. How do you respond when God calls you to do His will. It is not about you. It is all about Him. 

Yesterday night. I'm in the book of Haggai. I'm amazed how God build the house of the Lord again. He said that He knows when the time to built the house. He knows the perfect timing of all things where and when to be done. We can't assume this. Only God knows His timing. We can plan and execute, but we can't control His timing. Never. We can pray and hold on in His promises.We can allow God to use us. We can say NO to sin and yes in Him. All by His grace. Nothing to boast about. When God say it. It always happen. Trust. Just Trust Him.:)

‘Who of you is left who saw this house in its former glory? How does it look to you now? Does it not seem to you like nothing? But now be strong, Zerubbabel,’ declares the Lord. ‘Be strong, Joshua son of Jozadak, the high priest. Be strong, all you people of the land,’ declares the Lord, ‘and work. For I am with you,’ declares the Lord Almighty. ‘This is what I covenanted with you when you came out of Egypt. And my Spirit remains among you. Do not fear.’

 “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. I will shake all nations, and what is desired by all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘The silver is mine and the gold is mine,’ declares the Lord Almighty. ‘The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,’ says the Lord Almighty. ‘And in this place I will grant peace,’ declares the Lord Almighty.” -Haggai 2:3-9

 When I read this part of the book. I'm speechless. God will do amazing things. God is doing amazing things today. He will do great things. He is faithful in His word. He is. :)

[monmonmammon]

This is the book! Pray with me to finish it in 30 days.... :))) Thank you! :D

[monmonmammon]

April 10, 2013

7:35pm

@my room

This whole day I debug the pc. It become too slow because of the viruses. It can't handle for so many months. (Kasalanan to ng thesis at sa mga computer shops at sa pinaprintan ng tarpaulin na may recycler at autorun at nagiging icon ng flashdrive ung folders sa loob ng flashdrive... Sigh!). Anyways, I'm planning to reformat the pc and change the OS to Windows 7. To update and be familiarize the features of the updated windows. Well, Windows XP, we will be forever friends... I will miss you too... :)

By the way, I have my 30 days devotional book reading starting April 7. The title of the book is One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook. It is a gift from God or can we say I got this book in our exchange gift in our last, last Christmas Party. I remember that day where Honey is actively doing tech ministry. I missed her. Honestly. But I don't want her to see my blog. hehehe. I had my past trauma with her kakulitan at pagbababy talk moments. LOL! Well this book was Meg's gift. I didn't expect that I will get this. Well God had His plan in the first place. Hahaha! Awesome God. XD I'm in my Day 4 of my devotion. Actually I'm not too serious but I commit my few hours to read and reflect about the things that the author wants reader to challenge if we will know we have only ! month to live? What are you gonna do for the few weeks and days of your life if it will happen to you?

I like the passion that the author want to share with the reader. Everyday is worth while to live. Everyday is an encounter with God. We can't say that this day is boring or non sense. Because everyday we have missions to accomplished and everyday, every minute, every second of our life is a precious gift from God. Live it well. Live it as it is the last. No holding back. No regrets. No turning back.

All of us have same 24 hours a day. How do we spend our time? Our energy? While reading this book. I laugh at myself. I laugh to God. (nung una kong binasa to 2010 pa ata? LOL! di ko napansing devotional tong book na to at tuluy- tuloy ako sa next chapters..XD) You really know when I need this book. You keep on reminding me my purpose. My no. ! in my faith goals. " How to be a good stewards of God's blessings in my life? and one of them is "time". I think i need to use my analytical mind and make reflections from what I do with my time this vacation. Am I productive enough? Or am I stealing with God? 

Stop the "Someday Syndrome" and make today an amazing day with God. More devotion. More time with Him. Even when you do your school works, household chores or office works. Do it with Him. Because it is His time. :))))

[monmonmammon]

First Time. First Love. First Time.

First Time... I will write to this blog with more longer words to say. I don't know. I feel something is different today. It seems like I analyze mysteries out of mysteries. Weird me. I'm not over thinking. I don't analyze things so much.That's really new to me. That's not me. I take my season very light. So light that I don't want to think about or worry about anything.

First Love...

I miss You. After the previous season of my life where extremeness cover the whole part. Extreme pain. Extreme hurt. Extreme lies. I pray that even I don't feel the enthusiastic moments. I should live by "FAITH" Not on what I feel. Not on what I see. I'm still grateful for what happening to me. I know this is only for a season. I'm more excited and looking forward for that place You prepared for me. For us.

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”a for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’b or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” -Revelation 21:1-4

First Time...

Will never be a second time. The feeling of first time is different. You cannot compare it. You cannot replace it. I'm going back to my "First Love like it was the First Time."  I love You.

I missed You.

My First Love.