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@monster-prom-archive
A Monster Prom Dialouge Archive
Because nobody has done it yet, it needs to be done, and I might as well be the one to do it.
For all your writing & reading needs.
Tag navigation
No Minors Allowed.
(I am a fan, not actually affiliated with Beautiful Glitch in any way shape or form.)
Time: Morning
Setting: Auditorium
Cast: Scott
You bump into Scott backstage, where he's busy bench-pressing a fog machine.
When he sees you he sets down the machine, wipes his forehead, and looks up at you, panting.
Scott: Hey bro! Sorry I'm so sweaty... you caught me in the middle of my rehearsal workout.
Scott: I'm trying to get real swole for the talent show.
Scott: See, I'm gonna do that scene from the end of Hamlet - you know, the one where he plays dead?
Scott: But for the last part, when Hamlet rips off his shirt and everybody sees his jacked abs...
Scott: Well, to be honest bro, I'm not sure I'm jacked enough for the role!
Scott: If I had another month I bet I could pull it off, but there's not enough time!
Scott: You don't happen to know a trick for getting a killer six-pack in minutes, do you?
> Draw it on with a sharpie.
Scott: Oh... my... muscles.
Scott: That's so smart!
Scott: Why have I been doing all these exercises when I could just draw on a six-pack?
Scott: Whoa whoa whoa, wait... why stop at a six-pack?
Scott: Why not an eight-pack? Why not a twelve-pack?
Scott: THE ONLY LIMIT IS MY IMAGINATION.
Scott eventually settles on a thirty-pack. It looks more like belly hair than muscles, but he thinks it looks great.
Time: Evening
Setting: Auditorium
Cast: Scott & Miranda
After all that, you decide to look for a spot outside the school where to get some good sunbathing.
... but you fail to focus on your sunbathing since you see Scott and Miranda deep in conversation.
Scott: It's a sportsgame thing, Miranda. I think I'm a good boy, but there's something that just gets me growling when I see that opposing team!
Miranda: Oh, Scott, believe me, I understand better than you may think - it's exactly how I feel about those HORRENDOUS AIRPEOPLE!
Scott: Airpeople?!
Miranda: YES, Scott, OBVIOUSLY the airpeople. I KNOW I've told you about them before - they're the sworn enemy of the merpeople and they must all be destroyed if they refuse to accept our superiority!
Scott: Oh wow! All of them?! That sounds really hard!
Miranda: It will be. They're a horrible, ruthless nation of feathery socialists who refuse to bend a knee no matter how many times my father invades!
Miranda: They don't like guacamole, Scott.
Miranda: They eat the crusts of their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!
Miranda: THEY WEAR SOCKS WITH SANDALS!
Scott: SOCKS WITH SANDALS?!
Miranda: AND FANNYPACKS!
Scott: OH MAN. That's a pretty scary enemy, Miranda - what are the merpeople going to do about it?!
Miranda: That's a great question, Scott. We've tried reasoning with them through bombs, chemical warfare, and torture, but they're entirely unreceptive!
Hmm. It's REALLY weird that that wouldn't sway the airpeople, but maybe you can step in and help?
Scott and Miranda probably have different takes on what the best strategy would be, so think hard about what you pitch!
> REACH A TRUCE! Use your great cheerleading skills to put an end to this feud!
Miranda: ... What?
Scott: YES! You're a genius! Cheerleading is always the answer!
Miranda: Scott, as much as I appreciate you, peace isn't the answer with those hideous airpeople.
Miranda: Also, how do you two plan to put an end to a feud that has existed for centuries just by cheerleading?
Scott: Like this...
Scott: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! HEY AIRPEOPLE, JUST END THIS WAR!
Scott: FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! EIGHT! REACHING PEACE WOULD BE REALLY GREAT!
Scott: NINE! TEN! TWELVE! THIRTEEN! REMEMBER TO ALWAYS USE SUNSCREEN!
You decide not to point out he forgot eleven. Just missing one number is quite good by lovely Scott's standards!
Miranda: Scott... this is useless... trying to negotiate with the airpeople is never an option.
The three of you look at the sky.
Nothing happens.
You know... as was pretty much the expected result of just screaming at the sky.
Scott: NOOOOOOOOO! Cheerleading can't fail! I'll practice my cheerleading until it ends the war between merpeople and airpeople, as it was always meant to do!
Miranda: What kind of plan was that? Trying to reach a truce with the airpeople? What are you... an airpeople supporter?
Scott is discouraged thanks to you, Miranda is suspicious of you... it seems peace is never the answer!
Time: Noon
Setting: Lunch
Table: Scott & Miranda
As you approach Scott and Miranda's table, you see that the entire table is covered in exotic silverware.
Scott: Ooh, what's this one for?
Miranda: That's the forking spoon. It's a spoon for picking up your forks, so that you don't have to touch them with your fingers!
Scott: And that one?
Miranda: That's the tuning fork. It's for making sure all your other silverware is tuned to A minor, as is proper.
Scott: What about this one???
Miranda: That's the dairy knife. It's for milk.
Scott: Wooow! Do people ever invent NEW silverwares?
Miranda: All the time, but none of them are any good. It would take a genius of true subtlety to improve on the existing canon.
A genius of true subtlety? Genius and subtlety are your middle fucking names! You suggest the ultimate new silverware:
> The salad harp.
Miranda: A harp? For salad?
Miranda: Why has no one thought of this before?!
Scott: Because it's hard to eat a salad with a harp?
Miranda: Cretin! Who said anything about eating?
Scott: Isn't that what silverware is for?
Miranda: Perish the thought! The true purpose of silverware is to give your hands something to do while you elegantly avoid your food.
Miranda: And nothing is more elegant than playing a subtle lament on a Harp while your serfs eat your salad for you!
Miranda: My serfs will finish my lunch for me. I'm off to have a harp commissioned!
Miranda takes you harp-shopping with her. It's a real bonding experience. Afterwards you both ignore a salad together at a fancy restaurant!
Solo character tags <- solo conversations with characters
#solo scott
#solo liam
#solo vera
#solo miranda
#solo polly
#solo slayer
Character group tags <- specific duo, trio, and quartet interactions
Duos
#scott & vera
#scott & polly
#scott & miranda
#scott & liam
#vera & miranda
#vera & liam
#vera & polly
#vera & damien
#vera & coven
#miranda & scott
#miranda & vera
#miranda & liam
#liam & scott
#liam & miranda
#liam & polly
#polly & scott
#polly & vera
#polly & liam
#polly & damien
#damien & scott
#damien & miranda
#damien & liam
#slayer & liam
#prince & scott
#prince & vera
#prince & miranda
#wolfpack & scott
Trios
#scott & liam & vera
#polly & damien & liam
#liam & polly & miranda
#damien & scott & wolfpack
#damien & liam & slayer
#coach & scott & damien
#coven & polly & damien
Quartets
#liam & scott & damien & miranda
#damien & polly & liam & vera
Time: Noon
Setting: Lunch
Table: Damien, Scott & The Wolfpack
You find Scott and Damien immersed in their favorite mobile game: Pokemans Go, based on the classic Pocket Humans.
Damien: My Reginald Bosworth uses income tax audit!
Scott: Oh no! My Lindsey Roberts never saves receipts! It's super effective!
Damien: Haha! And now for the finishing blow, the... wait, what? Reginald contracted lymphoma?
Damien: "Reginald's lymphoma deals 500 physical damage to him, and 999 emotional damage to him and his loved ones."
Scott: Woo! I win again! Why are all your Pokemans so unhealthy, Damien?
Damien: Because I make them all smoke cigarettes and live next to toxic waste dumps, obviously.
Scott: Maybe you should stop that?
Damien: Where's the fun in that? Let's have another match!
Wolfpack: What are you two needs doing? Nerding around? Nerd up, nerds!
Wolfpack: Whoa... Scott. Is that you? We didn't recognize you under all that nerdery. What are you doing playing a dumb videogame for stupid babies?
Scott: But Pokemans isn't dumb! It's cool! Because... because...
No way is Scott gonna come up with anything. But if you do, maybe you can score some points with Scott or Damien...
> Show them that a phone equipped with Pokemans Go can also be used as a football!
Scott: No way! I didn't know that was a feature of Pokemans Go!
Damien: It's not. They're just gonna grab someone's phone, and-
You snatch Damien's phone, heft it in one hand, and fling it across the cafeteria.
Damien: Hey, my phone! What the dick was that for!?
Scott: Yay, someone threw something! I'll get it!
Wolfpack: Whoa, bro, check out the perfect spiral on that throw. That's technique right there.
Wolfpack: Let's all install Pokemans on our phones right now, and then throw our phones at each other!
The Wolfpack bound off to play full contact phone tag. Scott soon returns with Damien's phone in his mouth.
Damien's phone is pretty much destroyed, but Scott is so happy to be playing fetch with you!
> Say nothing. Pelt them with steamed vegetables.
Wolfpack: Ah! Vegetables! We hate those! Stop it!
Wolfpack: Seriously, pelt us with ground beef or something! Or at least some Sausages or pig's ears!
Damien: How about some forks and knives?
Damien: Or some knives and knives?
Damien: I'm just gonna keep throwing knives!
Wolfpack: Ahh! These knives are almost as bad as the vegetables!
Scott: Guys, come on! Stop throwing carrots and knives at my cousins!
You stop, alright... as soon as the Wolfpack have retreated out of range.
Damien: Nice thinking! Finally, a use for vegetables, am I right?
Damien bearly remembers to take the knife out of his hand before high-fiving you. He does, though, so that's a win.
Time: Noon
Setting: Lunch
Table: Scott & Polly
You approach Scott and Polly's table to find them crouched behind a pile of jelly desserts, plotting.
Scott: Thank Broseph you're here, bro! Come on, join our huddle!
Polly: Maybe you're curious about our huge pile of JellyJam Gelatinous Dessert Cups? Well, wonder no more: WE'RE GOING FOR THE JELLY PRIZE!
Scott: Yeah! We're gonna win it! If we collect the foil cover of a hundred jelly desserts, we will be the lucky winners of...
Polly: ONE FREE JELLY DESSERT! AAAAAA!!!
Scott: But right now we're stuck. We've only got ninety-nine. That means we need... we need...
Polly: One more, Scott. We need one more.
Scott: We need one more!
You'd give them your jelly dessert, but you already threw it at a bird-person you hate. Guess you've gotta make a choice...
> Make like a puppy dog and beg! All things are sweeter when achieved through pity!
Polly: Begging? What?
Polly: I never beg, except in intricately choreographed erotic scenarios.
Polly: ... is this an intricately choreographed erotic scenario?
Scott: No! Even better! This is gazing sadly at people until they give us food!
You happily follow Scott around the cafeteria, whimpering at people for their jelly desserts.
Polly just eats all the stockpiled jelly desserts while you're busy begging.
Also, no one is willing to give you any jelly desserts.
But that doesn't matter. As the saying goes: "begging is its own reward"!
(That and the quality time you get to spend with Scott. That's also a reward!)
> Steal the final jelly dessert... from the jelly dessert factory!
Scott: But isn't stealing... wrong?
Polly: No, Scott! That's a myth! Like hangovers and the afterlife!
Scott: But... if the afterlife isn't real... why are you a ghost?
Polly: There's no time for metaphysics, Scott! We've got a heist to plan!
Scott: No! Coach says stealing is wrong! Unless you are stealing a ball, or a base, or victory from the jaws of defeat...
Scott: Actually, it seems like sports is mostly about stealing...
Polly: Well that settles it! Time for stealing!
One fake bus, one real wooly mammoth, and a brutal running gun battle later, you finally secure one illicit jelly cup.
Which you turn in, along with your ninety-nine other jelly cups, for... one free jelly cup!
Scott is too upset by all the violence, so you split your free jelly cup with Polly. Worth it!
Time/Setting: Weekend
Cast: Liam, Scott, Damien & Miranda
Weekend time! You're with Miranda, Liam, [o/n], and [o/n] in Liam's apartment.
Because tonight is game night!
Liam: Damien and Scott are late, how surprising!
*ring*.
Scott: Hey, guys!
Damien: We brought a friend. We hope it's okay, Liam. She's totally cool and into board games. Her name is Ow... Olga!
Liam: You do realize we can all see that's just a huge owlbear poorly disguised as a high schooler, right?
Damien: RUUUUDE!
Scott: Yeah, Liam! You don't see us accusing you of being a huge owlbear poorly disguised as a high schooler!
Miranda: Scott is technically right, we haven't done that, therefore I feel inclined to trust him.
Liam: Whatever... can we play some games?
Damien: Heck yeah!
Liam: And before you even try: no, Miranda, we're not playing your version of Risk where you start with a huge underwater empire. It didn't sound funny, and it turned out to be completely unfunny.
Scott: Uh, what about...?
Liam: No, not Werewolf either. We won't play that until you learn you're the werewolf ONLY when you get the werewolf card and not just always.
Damien: Right, we should totally play...
Liam: Not Cards Against Monsterkind, Damien. It requires no strategy nor skills aside from making vulgar jokes. We get it, you like it because it's totally wrong.
Liam: Today we're enjoying a refined and complex Eurogame. And you know it's a Eurogame because we'll spend more time learning the rules than actually playing. It's called... Chess 2. It includes deception, dice, deck building, an auction system, dozens of figurines and hexagonal tile placement.
After three hours of learning the rules and an extra hour for proper setup, you start playing...
But it isn't long before Olga starts wreaking havoc and destroying everything.
Miranda: EEEEEE! This is not nice!
Damien: Okay! Okay! Brace yourselves: Olga might actually be a wild owlbear disguised as a high schooler. We thought it would be cool to sneak a wild owlbear into game night because of reasons!
Scott: Sorry! We thought it would be super nice and inclusive for owlbears!
Liam: My apartment! My beautiful and minimalistically decorated apartment is being destroyed! Also... is she somehow winning?
She is! You need to save game night! But how will you subdue a wild owlbear? The only logical way seems to be... by beating her at Chess 2. But she's kind of super good at it!
It will take two proficient tabletop gamers to beat the owlbear. You know you kick ass... but which of your friends is also amazing at tabletop games?
> [o/n] is the best at games. They play Russian Pictionary once a month - and if they are still alive, that only can mean they always win.
You join forces with [o/n] and together you become a force to be reckoned with.
You roll a D6 and get... an eleven!?
You draw a card that doubles all your points if your opponent is very specifically more than 25% owl.
You get three trivia answers right, even though there weren't any trivia questions.
Liam: Impressive! Also, the owlbear seems way calmer now.
Damien: Yeah, Olga might be a wild owlbear, but she's not a sore loser.
Miranda: I loved the part where you got a bingo and then caught the duck to trade half your resources for a Get Out of Jail Free card. Such finesse!
Scott: And you know what? I was the werewolf all along!
Liam: That's another game, Scott...
Damien: For what it's worth, Scott, you fooled me!
Liam: But the real winners here are [y/n] and [o/n], because they showed off some very sexy board game skills. And also because they actually won.
Miranda: Huzzah!
And so you all spend the rest of the night playing Dragon and then some group Consentacle, because there's nothing as cool as dragons, consent, and tentacle sex.
Time: Morning
Setting: The Rave
Cast: The Slayer & Liam
You're walking with Liam later, when suddenly a holy crossbow bolt slams into the wall next to you. It's the Slayer!
Slayer: PREPARE TO DIE!
You flee with Liam and manage to get out of sight. Now's the perfect time for you to hide while Liam turns into a bat...
But he's not transforming. You ask him why the hell he's just standing there instead of changing!
Liam: It just... seems a little cliche, doesn't it? A vampire, turning into a bat? Honestly, I'm over it.
Liam: If I could turn into, for example, the concept of a bat, now that would be a change worth making!
You don't even know what that means, but if you can't get Liam to turn into something soon, he'll get you both caught!
You quickly tell him to change into...
> A general feeling of unease.
Liam: Magnificent! The perfect balance of abstraction and practicality!
Liam: I admit I have difficulty imagining "the concept of a bat," but a general feeling of unease? Why, I experience that many times a day!
Liam disappears in a poof of purple smoke. You don't know where he's gone, but you feel great about it!
Today is the best day ever! You love school! You can't wait to do your homework later!
The Slayer bursts into the room, locks eyes with you, and gives you the sickest high five EVER.
Suddenly, Liam reappears. You immediately feel way shittier.
Liam: No, no, no, that wasn't a general feeling of unease, that was a general feeling of euphoria! Totally inappropriate!
Slayer: What's inappropriate is the beating I'm about to give you two!
The beating is in fact too inappropriate to even describe in this videogame!
Time: Evening
Setting: The Rave
Cast: The Slayer & Liam
Liam doesn't participate in the rave. He's busy sunning himself.
In the shade. Inside a coffin. He calls it "sunning himself" because he thinks it's ironic.
Without warning, the Slayer sprints across the yard, throws the cover off Liam's coffin, and starts taking pictures with her phone.
Slayer: Ha HA! Everyone looks ugly when they've just woken up! I'm gonna post these on my Momentgram!
Liam: You psychopath! No!
Liam: Stake me in the heart! Bathe me in holy water! Just, whatever you do, don't post candids of me on your benighted Momentgram!
Slayer: Oh it's happening, suckboy. Whatcha gonna do about it?
You're not close enough to stop her, but you are close enough to tell Liam what he should do...
> Banish her phone to the hell dimension!
You shout your advice to Liam, but when he takes too long to respond you just banish the phone to hell yourself.
With a few forbidden words, you cause the earth to open up and swallow the Slayer's phone.
Liam and the Slayer both look at you, shocked.
Liam: You idiot...
Liam: Those Momentgram photos would have made me immensely unpopular! It would have been perfect!
Liam: I've been cultivating a careful uncoolness for months, and you've ruined it.
Liam: Now not only are the pictures gone, but everyone knows I have friends. Disgusting!
After that outburst, you're not sure you would consider Liam a friend.
Time: Morning
Setting: The Rave
Cast: Vera & Liam
You catch sight of Liam and Vera nearby, doing what they do best: judging people.
Vera: Ugh, do you see the leggings that succubus is wearing?
Liam: How could I not? They're about as subtle as the didactic intent of Johnathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal."
Vera: You know, Liam, sometimes I worry that we're the only two fashionable monsters at this entire school...
Vera: ... but then I realize that's not something to worry about. That's something to feel smugly superior about.
Liam: I could have put it only slightly better myself. Now focus, Vera. We've got so many more outfits to critique.
No way to avoid it, you're about to walk right past them. Quick! Improvise a fashion accessory that'll actually impress them!
> Put on the hotdog costume you keep in your backpack for emergencies. It's so ironic, Liam should love it!
Liam and Vera watch as you carefully and deliberately change into your hotdog costume and then walk past them.
Vera: Did they just change into that ridiculous outfit... on purpose? To fuck with us??
Liam: My god. They must give... hold on, let me double-check this...
Liam pulls out a pocket calculator and presses some buttons. He gasps.
Liam: Negative five fucks. I didn't know it was even possible to give that few fucks.
Liam: I think we have to admit when we've been outplayed, Vera.
Vera: *sigh*... alright. I'll order us matching hotdog costumes immediately.
Finally, dressing like a hotdog is becoming the trend you always hoped it would be!
Time: Evening
Setting: Library
Cast: Polly
Polly: Hey, [y/n]! Darling!
Polly: It's me! Lovely fan-favorite Polly!
Polly: You know... I wasn't always a ghost.
Polly: Yeah, yeah, this is about to get real. Hear me out:
Polly: I used to be alive, but I died with unfinished business.
Polly: Now I gotta like forever like this until I finish it.
Polly: And you might ask: "What's your unfinished business, fan-favorite lovely Polly?"
Polly: I guess I can tell you...
Polly: I... never did a Reverse Romanian Wilkinson.
Polly: You know... sexually.
Polly: *sigh*.
Polly: Don't get me wrong. I love being immortal and walking through walls and shit...
Polly: But my soul will never truly rest until I do that freaky sex move.
... oh well.
> Throw a smoke bomb and escape while leaving a replica of yourself. That should buy you time to figure out what a Reverse Romanian Wilkinson is!
You thow the smoke bomb you save for these situations.
You swiftly hide, leaving behind an exact replica of yourself made out of macaroni and Play-Doh.
Polly: Whoa, [y/n], I don't know it it's just me, or all this smoke I'm inhaling... but you suddenly seem more attractive...
Polly: You know what?
Polly: Fuck the Reverse Romanian Wilkinson... let's go to Funky Town together right now.
And just like that, Polly grabs your replica and flees to have what seems like great sex.
As she leaves, you're sure you see a sneaky little macaroni smile on the replica...
No, not again, bested by your replica made of macaroni! You should stop using it... it always ends up having all the fun.
Time: Morning
Setting: Library
Cast: Scott & Polly
Scott and Polly pull you aside, one of them holding each of your arms. Whatever's going on, it's serious.
Scott: We need your help, bro.
Polly: The midterm for AP Jump Scares is coming up tomorrow, and we're sooooo unprepared!
Scott: We tried everything we could think of to get ready...
Polly: I rolled up the textbook and smoked it.
Scott: And I ate my homework.
Polly: But nothing worked! We've only got one option left:
Scott: We gotta cheat, bro. We just need to figure out how to do it without messing with the teacher!
Polly: Or with messing with the teacher. Either way, if you can help us, we'd be suuuuuper grateful.
That's all the incentive you need. You hook them up with your ultimate cheating technique:
> Write all the answers on the teacher's face. He'll never see them there.
Scott: But... we don't know the answers.
Polly: Yeah! That's why we're asking you to help us cheat!
Polly: Learning all the answers just so we could sneak into our teacher's house and tattoo them on his face...
Polly: That's, like, more work than just learning the answers!
Scott: Yeah... and what about for next test? Are we supposed to tattoo over the answers from last test?
Scott: Bro, I'm not, like, a plan-master or anything? But your plan has some serious problems!
Polly: It's like I always say, Scott: face tattoos are for fun, not for cheating on midterms.
The way Polly and Scott are looking at you now, they might be contemplating giving you a fun face tattoo.
Time: Morning
Setting: Class
Cast: Polly, Damien & Liam
Pretty soon you're fast asleep, having a wonderful dream involving caterpillars and maple syrup.
Suddenly, Polly and Damien are in your dream with you. Except they're not naked like they usually are in your dreams...
Polly: Yo, wake up!
Damien: We need your help, you goddamn narcoleptic.
You wake up just in time. Damien was about to give up and start hitting you with a desk.
Polly: Alright, here's the situation: Ms. Boogeyman just passed out a pop quiz on the history of misunderstood abominations!
Damien: This is bullshit. I don't even do regular quizzes. So obviously we were gonna ask to copy your test...
Polly: But you've been asleep this whole time, which is honestly a pretty rad move, but it doesn't help us. So who should we copy instead?
You're about to tell them that if you can sleep through this class and they can talk this much during a test, it's probably not a very serious class...
But this is clearly an opportunity to score some points with these two, so you give them some top notch advice:
> Copy Liam. He's into all that social justice shit anyway.
Damien: Sick, another excuse to take advantage of Liam.
Damien: Oy, nerdboat, give us your answers before I make you eat a bicycle, or whatever dumb shit it is that you like.
Polly: (Should I be good cop here? To balance out your bad cop act?)
Damien: (... what's a good cop?)
Liam: ... you guys know the answers are all upside down at the bottom of the page, right?
Liam: ... I mean, the answers are "Never," "Spicy," and "Harris the Emotionally Unstable Were-Rabbit."
Polly: Thanks Liam! You're the best!
Damien: Is that... was that Good Cop? How do you even do that?
Polly spends the rest of class explaining "being nice" to Damien, while Liam rolls his eyes dangerously hard.
Time: Evening
Setting: Class
Cast: Polly & Damien
Suddenly, a chill runs through you, as if the very fabric of reality is in danger.
Scanning your surroundings, you quickly discover the reason for the feeling: Polly and Damien are together, and they're bored.
Polly: Damien... Damien? Damien!!
Damien: What?! I must have fallen asleep for a second because nothing is on fire.
Polly: I knowwww right? Nothing crazy has happened in the last forty-seven minutes and I'm DEAD.
Polly: I mean, I am literally, actually dead. But also I am dead because of HOW BORED I AM.
Damien: What if we just...
Damien: ... oh fuck. I'm so bored I CAN'T EVEN THINK OF SOMETHING TO DO TO NOT BE BORED.
Polly: NOOOOOOO! HELP US! SOMEBODY, PLEASE, CAUSE A SEXY PROBLEM.
> Break the seven seals and release Kralak-Thul, the World-fucker.
Using an accursed sword someone was stupid enough to give you, you shatter the wards separating the World-fucker from our world.
He emerges onto this mortal plane with a noise like a million throats being slit at once, wreathed in bloody vapor.
These are the end times that the ancient poets forlornly prophecied. This realm will rot like the maggot-riddled corpse it is.
Damien: Aw, sick, it's the World-fucker, come to fuck the world!
Polly: Yaaaaaassssss! Hey World-fucker, wanna party?
Kralak-Thul speaks with a voice like a snake eating itself. He says: "HELL YES."
You all head off to party all night, leaving a trail of flaming wreckage in your wake. The world is doomed, but at least it's not boring!
Time: Morning
Setting: Class
Cast: Damien & Miranda
You see Damien and Miranda with their heads in their hands. They look glum. You ask them what's up.
Damien: Ugh, we're boned.
Miranda: I do not know what this "boned" means, but I'm not optimistic about our chances on the upcoming exam!
Damien: It's not fair. I shouldn't have to fail the test just because I spent all week in a really brutal mosh pit instead of going to class.
Miranda: And I did study! I had my servants read the entire textbook, twice!
Miranda: ... but for some reason my servants are not allowed to take the test for me.
Damien: Well, there's only one thing left to do: chop up the teacher and melt his body in acid.
Miranda: No! There's got to be another way!
Miranda: ... doesn't there?
> You don't need to murder your teacher over something like this. Just burn down the entire school!
Damien: Shit yeah! Finally a good excuse to do what I was probably gonna do eventually anyway!
Miranda: I'm not sure it's actually a good excuse...
But it's too late, Damien is already running through the halls with two gallons of gasoline, soaking everything.
Later, as Damien is lead out of school in handcuffs for the third time this week, he gives you a smile and a wink.
Damien: Hah! Suckers! They can't make me take the test if I'm in jail! I win again!
Damien's happy and only a small portion of the school burned down. Looks like everybody wins.