-Damien with a depressed reader oneshot -
Quick note, this is kind of a vent and such, so I greatly apologize if you won't feel the exactly same emotions that are described in this oneshot. And yet again, if you are dealing with depression, anxiety etc. Then please reach out to someone, because a lot of people care about you.
Finally, gym class is over and you can retrieve to whatever your depression was planning for you, you packed your bag after changing to your normal clothes, leaving the woman's changing room silently. Liam got out of the boys changing room nearby and didn't even glance into your direction as you looked at him. "I would dodge if I were you", and he then just left. What does he even mean dodge, you just played dodgeball against a whole team even though your body was as limp as a noodle. You don't understand.
But Liam was right on the most part, you should have dodged. Because damien launched himself into your tired and now somewhat weak body, causing you almost to choke as you crashed against the ground with him. You groaned When he stood up, you didn't even have a chance to complain as he grabbed your hand, just to result in him pulling you up somewhat forcefully . He laughed loudly while having that usual, lovable maniac look on his face. "Guess whos going go to to the pokeman "store" with me. " he was enthusiastic and more rough than usual, he was planning to beat scott with his Markus kilerich bank manager by buying a pokeman instead of earning it. You smirked slightly and tilted your head "Miranda?" he frowned and flicked your forehead "You. you dip shit. I'm going with you" you grinned at his irritated nature.
That pokeman stop or shop, was something you heard Polly and vera talk about. Which leads to the fact that the pokeman shop that you were going to is somewhat illegal, but it didn't matter since that's natural for the two of you,both of you take advice from Polly and vera all the time. you then noticed that damien was puzzled, why you didn't get mad over him flicking your forehead as usual, you kind of insult him after he does that. You punched his shoulder weakly and smiled , it was so hard for some reason, and I mostly mean that you didn't want to smile at all, even if you did experience some sort of excitement .
you really know that you're not fine and are in a rather unhealthy situation with your emotions and self consciousness , but you really don't want to make him lose his excitement for today, he talked about this all week after all. "Hey loser, you sick?" his frown got deeper as he then placed the warm back of his hand against your forehead , he was somewhat looking pissed, but also worried, it was hard to tell through your half-lidded eyes. "Nah, but you're just so slow with getting to the pokeman shop , I feel sleepy watching you. " You joked, clearly not convincing him with your insulting joke like usually, you looked tired, but not in a humorous way. "You've been like this for a month, what the fuck happened?" You sighed and knitted your eyebrows with your fingers, growing more impatient by every minute. You and damien always had small arguments, before you got into this depressive state, but you started feeling so bad for having those arguments now,you started taking his jokes about you seriously and saw negativity everywhere, whenever he called you "loser" or other rude nicknames, you started feeling bad about yourself, even though you always loved when he called you those nicknames.
Either way, You don't want to deal with this right now, so you decide to grab his wrist gently and start walking towards the exit of the school. "No, not sick. Just addicted to coffee lately, so I can't really sleep". It didn't even take you 7 steps before he pulled away his wrist away and growled silently. "what the fuck. you never even liked that coffee shit. Y\N what's even going on. " You glanced at him and grinned, this situation is getting out of hand in your opinion. Another argument might start if you won't convince him, and you are already in the verge of crying for some reason. "As said, coffee, a lot of sugar and milk does the job. So I started liking it. " he snarled at that. Every single, angry expression he made, made your stomach turn slightly. You can't hold back the feeling that if he finds out that you're being a sensitive fuck, that he'll start feeling awkward around you, and will leave you. He passed you angrily and walked towards the exit "Fucking fine. If you won't talk to me about it, then let's just go. " You grimaced slightly at his choice of words about this, and yet still followed.
------------------time skip -------------------------
Both of you finally finished with the pokeman thingy that damien wanted to do all day, it was somewhat worth it, but you were feeling tired and stressed out, even though you didn't even talk to a single person in the "store". You felt as if everyone was glaring at you, and you really don't want to think of that for any longer, so going home and getting some stress relief would be nice, even though it kind of well, harms you physically. But back to Damien's perspective, while you are in the train of thoughts.
Damien frowned, you two were walking towards your house for no absolute reason at this point , you all of a sudden started walking while you were lost in thought and he simply followed because maybe you had a reason. But there's absolute silence and no further explanation of what you are doing, and you usually always talk to him . But you were so distant lately, Not to mention that you haven't gone anywhere with him for two weeks. You thought about so much at the moment, but your train of thought crashed as damien broke the silence. He stopped walking and so did you
"Do you want to break up. " You immediately blinked a few times and looked up at him, you weren't sure what you heard but he looked very concerned, you were not listening, you probably misunderstood . "what?" he balled up his fists, you might not know what he is feeling at the moment but he seems to be in pure distress. "I said. Do you want to fucking break up. " he was gritting his teeth, in hope that he wasn't right about this, and that you didn't stop caring for him. "hold on, nonono. I don't want to break up anything" you stuttered slightly, waving your hands to signal your denial about this. "then why have you been avoiding me lately. Y\N, fucking tell me if you want to break up. " he looked slightly sad, whilst still holding a very serious frown on his face. But you weren't like him, you weren't frowning like him,
you were starting to tear up, and we're scared that you may or may not have ruined the relationship between the both of you. "No, damien that's not.." all the tears that you have bottled up for the past month, seemed to be flowing out of your eyes at this current moment. "that's not what I want.. That's really not... " you were hiccuping silently, whilst your vision got blurrier by every second.
You felt embarrassment and shame fill up inside you, so you started to violently wipe your tears away as you tried to finish your sentence, your sleeves fell slightly from your wrists as you wiped and wiped, to no avail, they were still flowing
Yet the big issue in this situation, was that you were cutting yourself the other day, so even if only a small bit of your wrist was shown, it was a pure and bloody mess, you didn't even try to put band-aids over the cuts. So damien immediatly recognized what it was when small slits peeked out of your sleeves . You were constantly happy and aggressive before all of this , damien could have never guessed that you were going through something like that. He literally thought you were tired or just something small happened that bummed you out, he fucking missed your state completely by a mile.
He violently grabbed both of your wrists and shoved your sleeves up, revealing his lack of care and attention that each cut represented . As a lover he should have known better than to pretend that you're sleepy or sick. You were harming yourself and he didn't fucking know it until now.
"are you fucking INSANE?" he was yelling at you and tightened his grip on your wrists "DON'T EVER FUCKING DO THAT AGAIN" he raised his voice and shook your wrists in order to get some "sanity" into you. But it wasn't really helping.
He was carrying such a concerned look for you, and yet you felt like he was mad at you instead of being worried due to his yelling and aggressive nature, causing you to cry even more, mumbling a silent 'im sorry' under your shaky breath, your stomach was turning the more you cried and thought about damien legitimately being mad at you, and that he was planning to dump you for this.
He slowly let go of your wrists and watched you sob and cry. He can't believe that he didn't notice all of this before, he doesn't want to see you Like this.
He pulled you into a strong embrace, whilst you were still apologizing to him silently.he does not know what to say to make you feel better, but he is trying his best with this.
You took a moment before hugging him back and started to silently cry into his chest, feeling as if he would leave as soon as you let go. "Please" he wasn't yelling anymore, he hugged you tighter and put one of his hands on the back of your head to press you closer to him. "please don't ever do that shit again. Ever" his nails dug into your scalp slowly as he tried to maintain his own emotions too.
====================Bonus============
Ever since that incident, damien started to be more careful about what he said or did. Spending more time with you and commenting less with rude remarks. And started telling you about his anger, in order to make you feel comftarble with your depression.
He also, started to become fond of hugs, especially since he enjoys the closure between the two of you, and also since it helps cheering you up.
Btw, after a long time of his support, you got better and turned back to your old, Amazing and loving self
So if you ever feel sad, then please know that everything will be better in the end :)
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