the montclair thymes

we are the hyperlocal bloggers of montclair, nj. we break all the hyperlocal snooze. send your tips to our ironic aol email address - [email protected] Follow @montclairthymes !function(d,s,id){var js,fjs=d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); We post our films on:

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forever laughing at 2012 gordon waddell not knowing how blog commenting works

thnx!

the editargh, BLT,PYT,SOB - founder of the montclair thymes.

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our secret identity

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“According to a poll we conducted in 2011, Garden State residents are far more likely to visit a municipal website than to call or write a town official.”

captain obvious

duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh 

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can the montclair public library really be the "center of community?"

~~~ the montclair thymes investigates using maps and stuff ~~~

the montclair public library wants to be the center of community according to their "strategic plan." is it in their strategic plan to physically move to the actual center of town, though? because, frankly speaking, it would be a shame to steal the glory of LITERALLY being the center of community from whoever actually is there.

to the maps!

do we really need to force "hurricane plumbing heating" to pass the torch of "center of community" to the library? isn't "hurricane plumbing heating" already a good enough place to serve the community? they seem excellent, a real class act:

also we know they have ample heating and plumbing, which is really all we need besides froyo OF COURSE.

~~~ this has been an investigation by the montclair thymes, using maps and stuff ~~~

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something tells us that montclarions are not going to be happy about the proposed 2013 budget :(

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mass epidemic alert in montclair - msu students infected with strange virus that makes them think doing "viral" videos is a good idea

montclair state university is so high up on "the hill" that everyone there gets their news about 15 minutes later than the rest of us. then we get news from up there 15 minutes after that. aolol's patchypatch is reporting an enormous number of "viral" videos coming from the hill which involve terrorist-friendly lyrics in FOREIGN languages and dance moves that aren't the dance moves that the dance move-enthusiasts are used to dancing and moving to.

you know, when we hear or read "harlem shake," we think of "milk shake" and you know what kind of reminds of milk shakes...

oh. my. glob.

CAN FROYO BE THE CURE TO THESE SO-FIVE-MINUTES-AGO ATTEMPTS AT VIRALITY? 

someone better give us $1.1 million so we can save let's yo.

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BREAKING NEWS: BARISTANET BREAKS NEWS ABOUT MONTCLAIR THYMES NOT BREAKING NEWS ON LETS YO BEING ON SALE

we are so ashamed. we disappear for months and awake to hot moms telling us that lets yo is for sale. 

where did team frobros go wrong?

can't help but think that let's yo being for sale is all because of our sudden absence. if we had $1.1 million cash money dollar bills, we would buy let's yo and reopen it as an erotic cakes shop. it wouldn't be appropriate for the teen interns of froyotown to work there, so they'll be out of work.

omfg, we would single-handedly restart the teen intern depression.

maybe we should go back into hibernation - wake us up when there are 5 of the next trendy type of place throughout town. we predict that colon-massages will be the next big hit. that or more cupcakes.

by the way, when will you people realize that cupcakes are just tiny cakes. you're being conned into paying normal cake prices for smaller cakes.

hugs, not drugs the editarghh

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breaking: editarghhh loses password to montclair thymes, lays down and listens to mariah carey songs for 6-months straight to remember it

omg i forgot my password to this site so i couldn't do the snooze and it turns out the password was "caryafrick666" the whole time arghhhhhhhhh

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PETER ZORICH MAKES BANK, FOLLOWS MONTCLAIR THYMES FOR TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE MORE BANK

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yoyoyo i really want you to mention the french brasserie Epernay, on Park St. some day. check it out! they do (or we do) an open mic every monday night but not nearly enough people know about it. plus we have kick ass homemade biscuits. check us out thymez <3

the editarghh once had brunch at epernay and it was delicious. the thymes supports this and any other business that stands behind a wall with a big rooster painted on it.

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are we witnessing the froyo bubble burst?

DOOM AND GLOOM THEY SAY! 

the hot moms of baristanet say that there are five froyo places and a newspaper says that there is going to be a shakedown. do you think the shakedown will be between froyo places, or newspapers and blogs talking about froyo? or maybe the froyo bros (froybros) against the media bruh alliance that is against it.

we don't blame the mediabruhs for being a bunch of haters - it is just as easy to write about the news as it is to start a froyo place.

what if the media bruhlliance is right and there is a frobubble froburst?

if the dotcom bubble burst of yesteryear tells us anything, less teen interns will go to college for froputer science. the president will declare 15 years later that we need more people in the frosciences and it will be cool to be a frobro all over again. then there will be lots more froyo joints and the cycle will continue.

are you ~team frobros~ or part of the ~media bruhlliance~? will you discourage your teen interns from majoring in froputer science, instead telling them to choose something more viable like english lit and/or erotic baking? what's your favorite place to bro-out over some froyo? 

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"I can't wait for Edible Arrangements to come to Montclair!"

no one

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LOCAL HERO ALERT

MONTCLAIR BRUH PROMOTES GREEN LIFESTYLE, RECYCLES LEFTOVER PARKING SPOT SPACE, MAKES DRIVEWAY NARROW ENOUGH FOR ONLY ECO-FRIENDLY SMART CARS AND BICYCLES TO GET THROUGH

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I moved over to the pharmacy section, seeking rolaids--which they didn't have. As I stood there in disbelieve and contempt, staring at the shelf, trying to make them appear with my stare, you appeared, gliding through the aisle, looking rather alluring, I almost said so, but thought you probably wanted to be left alone, so I kept it to myself.

man seeks rolaids in montclair a&p. finds true love instead.

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sorry for the slow snoozefest lately. i've been busy tripping on the new south park street sidewalks and breaking all my limbs. can't wait to do this everyday once construction's over!

great idea separating nice flat sidewalk slabs with cobblestone, though, you guys. definitely not ugly or a pain in the ass to walk on!

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chasing pavements: south park street construction in the 15th week of its glam makeover process

hey snoozies, have you been past the south park street construction site? it's looking good, right?

how crazy is it that it was only 15 weeks ago that we were just strolling down south park street, zig-zag jaywalking from the leone's to urban outfitters, back and forth, just because we could.

we were younger, then.

remember laying on the sidewalk in front of warehouse cheap/chic, pretending that the shadows were our friends?

now the only shadows are those of the construction workers walking around and causing major gas leaks and bus detours.

i wonder why they are taking so long to make a sidewalk fatter. do you think that the sidewalk overheard me calling it fat? do sidewalks have the same skewed and patriarchal view of "beauty" as us humans and reptiles? you know what i always say - you can lead a sidewalk to a cement truck, but can you make it drink water?

i heard that the next item on the township's list is to fix the links on the township website so that we can post stuff from there onto the twitter website.

twitter fail, roflmfaolol!

are you feeling overwhelmed with all the construction on south park street? are you tired from the heat and detours caused by it? should we give up expecting a beautiful street in the near future, or should we just keep chasing pavements?

let us know in the comments, or the twitter website.

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does the 13 hands tribal council of love and good music actually have 13 hands, love, good music?

A MONTCLAIR THYMES INVESTIGATIVE REPORT

yesterday someone called out a musician named "13 hands dalien / daniel mcbride (grammy nominee/world music genre)" for always mentioning about how he was grammy nominated, and the "13 hands tribal council of love and good music," who we at the thymes are assuming is 13 hands himself, responded with a 2400+ word comment/Western European history study.

let's look at how grammy nominations work by using wikipedia, since it is much easier to read how something is done without being interrupted by 13 hands' 5-period ellipses points:

Record companies and individuals may submit recordings to be nominated. Nominations are made online and a physical copy of the work is sent to the National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences. Once a work is entered, reviewing sessions are held, by more than 150 experts from the recording industry, to determine whether the work is eligible and entered in the correct category for official nomination.

ultimately, 13 hands was officially nominated early in the process. no one can take away the fact that he was nominated.

case closed.

but...

you can't blame folks for thinking this 13 hands guy is a bit pretentious, since he always follows his name with the fact that he was on the first round of grammy nomination ballots 6 years ago. also, that professor title he usually adds onto himself is a bit misleading, as he's actually an adjunct that teaches 1 credit yoga courses at montclair state university. that professor title alone assumes he has a phd, which he does not - if he did, we're sure he'd be "grammy nominated doctor." 

he's not necessarily wrong for adding this stuff, but we're not necessarily wrong for finding it a bit delusive and outstandingly hilarious.

but he, or whoever his "tribal council" representative is, is totally wrong for writing a way-too-long and incomprehensible essay of nonsense in response to a tiny bit of criticism by an anonymous commenter on baristanet.

dear many-handed men: don't ever do that, ever. i swear.

xoxo the editarghh ~ hyperlocal journalist, linguist, internet guru