This analysis contains SPOILERS for Look Back by Tatsuki Fujimoto. I highly recommend watching the film before reading this. It was based off of a true story, and the creator's real life. Here are my thoughts and feelings about this film!!!
I love so much when Fujino first meets Kyomoto. She is everything that Fujino is terrified of being seen as: severely socially awkward, and passionate or "obsessed" with making art. These things make Kyomoto vulnerable. They also are in direct contrast with the belief Fujino held inside herself about Kyomoto, which is that Kyomoto's art is superior to her own. And so, Fujino does not feel embarassed for making that comic that fell into Kyomoto's room anymore; she feels validated that the person she thought was better than her, was actually her biggest fan this entire time. Her blank expression almost says, "of course, this whole time she was a loser. What did I expect?" Despite this, she cannot hate Kyomoto. This is the only person who understands her true self. This is the person who has been reading and appreciating and loving Fujino's art when no one else would, loving Fujino's true self when no one else would.
When Fujino gets to know Kyomoto, she realizes that the person she was so terrified of being, is actually the most beautiful part of life. The emotional vulnerability, the pure love of creating, the less socially acceptable, less "cool" parts of a person. Kyomoto is everything that is good in the world, and the world has taught Fujino to hate her for it. Fujino spends her childhood trying to kill the Kyomoto that lives in her, because it makes her feel vulnerable, because it makes her feel bad about herself. But in the end, when Kyomoto is gone, its then that she realizes even more that this mindset was a mistake. When Fujino splits from Kyomoto to pursue a more "glamorous" career in art, and Kyomoto splits so that she can pursue her true love for art, it symbolizes the part of Fujino that could never let go of her fears, even after she came to accept Kyomoto a little bit more. She still could not accept herself, and therefore she still could not accept Kyomoto. Not unless it meant success in the eyes of other people.
"Look Back" is a film that is primarily grounded in reality. But it contains an element of abstraction that we as the viewers are mainly left to sit with and decide for ourselves what it truly meant in the story. After Kyomoto's death, we are shown another reality in which Kyomoto never meets Fujino as a child. This could be interpreted as an actual alternate reality, or Fujino's mind desperately imagining another world where she is able to save Kyomoto. "What if, in another world, we never met?" Would Kyomoto still carry down the same path? Would she still have been killed if she never left her room? The film answers this question by showing that Fujino was not asking the correct question. The truth is, Kyomoto would still have created art even if Fujino had never been there. She still would have ended up at art school, in that same hallway, about to be killed. The fact that Kyomoto continues down the same path despite not knowing Fujino, shows that you cannot kill that beautiful part of you that society deems not fit for life. In fact, you cannot live without it. The thing that keeps you passionate, the "embarassing" interests you have, the unabashed love for something, is the entire reason to be alive in the first place. It is not the answer to give into hate, and it was not the answer to keep Kyomoto in her room.
In the imagined or alternate world where Kyomoto survives, even Fujino's love for making art never truly left her. She imagines that maybe, without Kyomoto to encourage her art, she took karate, and was able to be there to save Kyomoto. But the point of showing us this is not to say that it was their meeting as kids that ended up killing Kyomoto. No, because even in this alternate world, they would gladly do it all again. Kyomoto asks if Fujino made the comic strip when they were younger, and they connect for the first time all over again. Fujino is told by the comic that returns from under the door, to Look Back. Because the answer to, "why did I make art? Why did I bring Kyomoto out of her room?" is not, "there was no reason. It was pointless." In the end, the two of them changed each others lives for the better. Fujino Looks Back upon the beautiful moments that they shared together and the meaning and purpose they brought to each others lives. The reason that Fujino draws, is not actually for all of the superficial reasons she convinced herself are true. It is in this moment that she recalls the tears streaming down Kyomoto's face each time she was moved by one of her pieces. Or the stars in her eyes. She recalls the time they shared as friends, brought together by art.
Art is not business. It is not something quantifiable, not something that can be valued financially or has an obvious purpose. Yet, to humanity, it has the most obvious purpose of all. When you forget your humanity, you cannot see the purpose of art. But creating is something intrinsically human, it is the expression of our world and our perspectives, spoken in a language that could never be shared otherwise. There are some things that are indescribable by our words alone. When I recently watched the Chainsaw Man the movie: Reze Arc, also by Tatsuki Fujimoto, I was struck in my heart by an understanding of his work. It also reminded me, for the first time in a long time, why I prefer watching animation to live action. When I was watching, I thought, "you loved that so much, that you had to draw it." There is something about an image, a moment of one's life, passing through the filter of the soul and coming out in meticulous yet raw pencil lines, that makes it more meaningful than a video of real life could ever be. Something about the craft, the passing of a moment through the lens of your eyes, that makes art a love letter to life itself. Why are we here? What is more beautiful than choosing to share, in loving detail, a piece of yourself with someone else? Tatsuki Fujimoto notoriously loves movies. In the Chainsaw Man movie, the characters describe the impact of finding one movie that changes your life. Fujimoto describes this in his oneshot, "Goodbye Eri," as well.
I know that there are, on the surface, more practical impactful things to do for the world than art. The world convinces us that engaging with good art is not useful, not economical, not important. Or something to be abused purely for monetary gain. In reality, they want us to neglect our internal quality of life. They want us to have no voice, replaced by something more safe and profitable. They want us to get used to our suffering and never question. Art makes life bearable, but it also tears it apart. It is capable of showing something in a new light.
It is all revealed to Fujino, and to us, after the passing of Kyomoto. We realize that Kyomoto went to art school not only because of her pure love for art, but also because she loved working alongside Fujino. We learn this during their discussion where Kyomoto wants to be better at art for Fujino, and Fujino encourages her to practice more. Throughout Fujino's career, she believes that Kyomoto has chosen her path in art, and wouldn't work with Fujino anymore. But, we realize that Kyomoto was reading Fujino's manga. She was a huge fan. She used the comic Fujino wrote when they first met, as a bookmark in the pages. For both of them, it all meant the same thing. Art is connection to those we love, and a connection the precious moments of our lives that cannot be traded for anything.
There is a lot more that I could say about Look Back as a film. One of my favorite things is the representation of Kyomoto's socially anxious character. Her lonely door at the end of the hallway, blanketed in stacked sketchbooks like a protective shield. The beauty of Kyomoto's character is so apparent. It really is one of the most emotionally moving and personal films I've ever watched. I feel that it brings me clarity, answers to my questions on meaning and life and creation and what matters. Don't look back in anger. In the end, it was all worth it.
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